Disclaimer: My friend
didn't win the lottery, so I still don't own them… yet.
A.N. My throat is slowly
killing me, my head is pounding and my eyelids are refusing to stay open. Must…
finish… story…
Dude Where's My Duo?
By anime animal.
Chapter 6: …Up the aisle.
By this stage, Heero had
lapsed into a semi conscious state of absolute calm. He just stood there by the
couch looking at Duo while Trowa and Quatre were trying desperately to restrain
Wufei, whose face had gone scarlet and was spluttering with rage.
"You are a dead man!" He
yelled at the top of his lungs.
The girls looked at each
other nervously while Hilde collapsed into a giggling fit. Duo yawned and
scratched between his shoulder blades, looking incredibly innocent.
"Did you guys sleep OK?"
He inquired, wiping the sleep from his eyes.
Wufei made another lunge
and Sally was forced to step forward and assist in the act of preventing the
premature death of a certain bridegroom. Hilde was now crying in hysteria
cuddled up against Duo.
"They thought that they'd
lost you!" She squealed, gasping for breath and then pausing as she got the
hiccups.
As well as the extremely
violent attitude being aimed at Duo from Wufei and the surprisingly serene mood
that Heero appeared to be in, the girls were giving Hilde icy looks too.
Eventually Quatre, having inadvertently brought Wufei whimpering in agony due
to a misplaced push on his tender back, looked at Duo with a certain amount of
confusion in his eyes.
"How long has he been here
for?" He asked Dorothy.
Before she could answer,
Duo butted in with an impossibly cheerful grin for one who looked as though he
was about to be brutally murdered by a very angry Chinese man and chuckled.
"Hey, what's a guy
supposed to do on the best night of his life? Spend the last of it with his
favourite gal, right Hilde Babe?"
Hilde nodded and smiled.
"Yeah, and I wasn't going
to let him sleep in a gutter."
"Hunh?" The girls all
asked, for once looking more confused than the guys.
Duo and Hilde looked at
one another and laughed.
"I'm not sure exactly how
it happened," Hilde began, "but I ended up going back to the apartment last
night after we went to our strip club…"
"WHAT?!" The girls said in
one collective burst of loudness, causing the still headachy Quatre to wince.
"We went to a strip club."
Hilde continued. "And hey, it was great. There were firemen, there were…"
She stopped as she noticed
that all her friends, her fiancée's friends and her fiancée were all looking at
her strangely.
"OK, so after that we came
back here and it was about four…"
"We spent seven hours at a
strip club?" Relena asked, scratching her head.
Heero looked up from his
trance and said nothing, not taking his eyes off Duo for one second.
"No." Hilde said
knowledgably. "We were only there for five hours. We did dinner before
remember?"
"No." The others said.
Wufei and Trowa looked at
each other with a smirk. It was only natural that Hilde should have gotten her
friends legless too.
"So anyway, we came back
at about four and as we did, we bumped into the guys…"
"You did?" Wufei asked.
Heero still said nothing.
"Well Duo looked a little
sick, so I thought it would be a good thing if he came back with me, so I could
take care of him." Hilde said, playing with the end of Duo's braid and tickling
his bare chest with it.
Duo was grinning smugly.
"And lemme tell you guys,
when Hilde takes care of something she…"
He stopped as he noticed
that Heero's expression of totally calm had dissolved into a darkened
expression of anger.
"So let me get this
straight." Heero began. "We have spent the last three and a half hours
searching for you in the small hours of the morning, in the rain, going into
every unsavoury location that this town has to offer in search of you and all
this time, while we've been sleeping on your trash covered floor and looking
for you, you've been living it up in the lap of luxury, doing God knows what
with and to your girlfriend."
Duo nodded and grinned.
"Yeah, you could say
that."
Heero closed his eyes and
took a few deep, composing breaths.
"Did you enjoy last night
Duo?" He asked, his voice dangerously soft.
Duo, totally oblivious to
the signs that Heero was about to erupt nodded and grinned an even bigger grin.
"Yeah, last night was a
blast!" He said cheerfully.
"That's good." Wufei said
in a sarcastic voice. "Because it's the last one you'll ever have!"
He got free from Trowa and
lunged towards Duo, only to be grabbed by the collar from behind.
"You are not going to kill
Duo, Wufei." Heero said sternly.
Duo breathed a huge sigh
of relief.
"Thanks buddy, I knew I
could count on my best man…"
"And because I'm the best
man," Heero continued "I am the one who gets to do the honours and pummel his
face into oblivion."
"Hilde, what did you think
you were playing at?!" Sally yelled once Duo had been dragged indignantly by
the braid out of the hotel and back home by Heero. "What happened to not seeing
the groom until the wedding?"
Hilde giggled and blushed,
running her hand through her dishevelled hair.
"Well, he looked kinda
cute out there last night, and he looked even cuter this morning…"
Her protests were getting
her nowhere as her friends stared at her angrily.
"C'mon girls, don't tell
me you believe that old wife's tale." She said sceptically.
"The guys did lose Duo…"
Catherine began.
Hilde laughed and shook
her head.
"It's a good thing I don't
then. I'm going to have a shower."
She headed in the
direction of the bathroom with a grin on her face. As soon as she was out of
earshot, Relena looked at the others with a look of cold panic.
"Now don't fuss about
this, but I think I've left the dress at the apartment."
"You've what?!" Catherine,
Sally and Dorothy exclaimed loudly.
Relena groaned as the door
opened from the bathroom.
"What's going on?" Hilde
enquired. "Relena's done what?"
Dorothy thought quickly
and sprung into action.
"Why, Miss Relena has
resolved to sleep with Heero, what did you think?"
Relena blushed bright
crimson. How did Dorothy know her deepest, darkest, most desired secret was to
do that with him?
Hilde's eyebrows arched
and she giggled.
"I'll throw the bouquet to
you then Lena. Now I really have to go shower…"
Once she was out of the
room again, all the held breaths were released.
"Nice save Dot." Relena
said, hiding her embarrassment.
"What do you mean 'you've
left the dress at the apartment'?" Sally hissed.
"It's no biggy, I'll go
and get it." Relena said simply. "Besides, it'll give me a chance to see
whether or not Duo's still alive…"
"Ow! Hey, quit touching
that braid Wu-Man!" Duo yelled indignantly as Wufei tugged him down onto the
couch harshly. "Geez, that is so killing my ass!"
Heero, Trowa and Quatre
all looked at him angrily.
"Do you realise how much
trouble you've caused?" Quatre began, trying to sound like a stern parent and
succeeding. "Everyone has been so worried about you?"
Duo looked up innocently.
"I'm a big boy mom, I can
take care of myself!" He joked.
"Look at my shoes!" Wufei
cried, dangling them in front of him.
"I'd rather not…"
"They're ruined! And I'm
scarred for life!"
Duo frowned.
"Hey, I asked if everyone was OK about the strip club…"
"Not the club you baka, my
back!" Wufei yelled, lifting his shirt and showing Duo the tattoo.
Duo smirked.
"I was wondering who else
got one…"
"Pipe down." Trowa
scolded. "Do you realise that you could have made Quatre seriously ill? The
guy's never had a drink in his entire life…"
"That's right," Quatre
beamed "I've never drunk in my life and I…"
"Quatre, last night you
were plastered. And that headache this morning, that's what's known as a
hangover." Heero said monotonically.
Quatre paled.
"I drank?"
They all nodded, including
Duo (who found it rather difficult as Wufei was now sitting on his braid).
"I think I'm gonna be
sick…"
"You've been sick so many
times this morning I think it's safe to assume that all the alcohol in your
system has been vomited up already." Wufei muttered.
Duo began to laugh, only
to have Quatre turn on him.
"This is all your fault!
How could you defile me in such a manner? Oh my God! Wufei, where's your dou?
Duo's getting a haircut…"
There was a knock on the
door and the mutiny was silenced as Heero went to answer it.
"Relena, what are you
doing here?"
Relena, noticing the sour
look on Quatre's face, realised that she'd got there just in time.
"Um, I think I've left
Hilde's dress here…"
"Ooh, lemme have a look!"
Duo piped up.
"Silence baka! There is no
honour in seeing the dress before the wedding."
"Hey, what is your
obsession with tweaking my braid? Cut it out!"
Relena smiled and then
looked at Heero.
"Can I go get it?"
Heero shrugged and nodded.
"Sure."
The others were watching
him avidly, much to his frustration.
"What?" He demanded.
Duo grinned.
"You could cut the sexual
tension in the air with a knife!" He laughed.
Heero issued a death glare
and it was Duo's turn to experience the discomfort that was the Amazing
Travelling Lump.
"Uh, Heero buddy…"
"Trowa, get me some
scissors."
Three hours later, Mr and
Mrs Maxwell posed for their wedding photos with their friends. Nobody knew that
the groom had had a close encounter with a pair of scissors being wielded by a
furious Heero, nor did they know that he had spent half an hour throwing up a
'special drink' concocted by Trowa that consisted of an egg and Worcestershire
sauce. Also not noticed was the fact that Sally Po, with an innocent smile on
her face and an arm behind Wufei's back, had her hand hovering precariously
near the location of a recently purchased tattoo as a threat to have him on his
best behaviour. Heero, having avoided actual physical violence due to a
surprisingly effective chokehold inflicted by the former Queen of the World,
was smiling politely at the cameras on Duo's right hand side. Duo was looking
surprisingly nervous due to the fact that Heero's threat of revenge had not yet
been fulfilled. The service had gone uneventfully, as the Man Upstairs decided
that the events before the marriage had been eventful enough.
Once at the reception, and
after Heero's speech (brief), and Trowa's toast to the bridesmaids (briefer
still), Duo stood up with a bottle of champagne raised high in the air.
"I now declare that until
me and my wife…"
Hilde blushed, liking how
that sounded.
"… leave for our
honeymoon, that everyone here will take part in a good old fashioned game of
'I've Never'…"
Quatre nudged Heero in his
side.
"Heero, do you have your
gun?"
The End
Thankyou all so much for
your reviews and patience with the story. I'm happy that so many people like
it! I may or may not do a sequel, perhaps a 'Dude Where's My Baby?' but that
all depends on whether or not the Muse comes to me (or if I get enough requests
^_^)
Cheers everyone!
Luv the anime animal xxx