Tuvok meets the Teletubbies
By: The Lady Galadriel
Disclaimer: Okay, all right… I don't own the Voyager or her crew. They belong to the people at Paramount. There, happy? I don't own the Teletubbies either. URGH!!! Personally, I am glad I don't own them!!!
Author's Note: I am a big fan of Voyager and am unhappy that it is now over ::balls fists and tries to punch the stupid idiot who decided it should end::!!! In my opinion there have already been TOO MANY male captains and TOO MANY Enterprises (talking about the new series)!!! Anyway, this is my first fic so please don't flame me all you Tuvok fans. I really DO LIKE HIM TOO ::gives a sincere smile::!!!
Note: Some characters may seem OOC and these :: :: show what the character is doing. Here goes…
On Voyager's Bridge…
Janeway: Captain's log stardate 34873.7: I feel as if I am going mad. My crew and senior officers are becoming more of a hassle day by day. This crew might be possessed be an alien force or natural phenomenon, but most likely it's just Neelix's cooking or the Doctor's unsettling bedside manner and complaints. What might be affecting me is a different matter. Is it Chakotay's annoying thoroughness and philosophical ramblings? Is it Ensign Harry Kim's innocence and perfection? Or Tom Paris's stupid puns and comments when I am conversing with alien species on the view screen. But Tuvok's logic and exactness… he MUST BE the one that is doing this to me. But no matter… HAHAHAHA!!! I'll just send him to a planet so illogical, he go crazy as I have. HAHAHAHAHA!!! ::thinks, brow furrowed:: It might also be that… someone has tweaked the replicators so they only produce decafe… not likely.
Voyager Reaches The Neon Green Planet…
Chakotay: Captain, we are approaching the planet. I knew this was the right one. My spirit guide told me.
Janeway: ::edges away from him:: …Uh…That's nice Commander. Tuvok, ::turns to face him:: I want you and only you to take a shuttle down to the planet.
Tuvok: That would be inadvisable Captain. According to Star Fleet rules-
Janeway: I don't give a *&$# about Star Fleet rules. Besides we can't spare any one right now after that last Kazon attack.
Tuvok: What Kazon attack?
Janeway: …well … um … ::looks up, sweat drops::
Tuvok: Captain…?
Janeway: I gave you a direct order Mr. Tuvok.
Tuvok: Yes Captain. ::walks into turbo lift::
Coffee Break…
Janeway: ::eagerly gulps down her coffee, while complaining to the Author:: Why do I have to be the bad guy in this? We are supposed to fight alien species not our own crew!!! ::goes for more coffee::
Author: Aww, com'on it kinda gets boring fighting aliens all the time.
Chakotay: Yeah, but why do I have to play the dumb one.
Author: ::glares:: Quit complaining and drink your coffee.
Tuvok: I don't even like coffee, I like tea remember.
Author: ::looks bored:: So… ::Tuvok stares blankly:: get some yourself!!!
Doctor: ::to Chakotay:: At least you have a part. I am just mentioned. Honestly, there is no respect for a hologram on this ship is there?
B'Elanna: ::grumbles to the Doc:: Same with me. This sucks. ::looks depressed and drinks her coffee::
Harry: ::looking at script, talks to the Doc:: But at least you don't have a name to make fun of … 'Ensign Hairy Chin'? Where does she get this stuff ?::looks disbelieving::
Paris: ::talking to Harry:: Hey, it's better then 'Parasite'!!!
Everyone starts arguing.
Neelix: ::raises voice:: How 'bout we just try to make the best of it. It could be a lot worse.
Everyone: SHUT UP NEELIX!!! ::throw their coffee cups at him (Sorry, I just HATE Neelix!)
Author: ::stands on her chair, shouting over the din:: OKAY PEOPLE, THAT'S ENOUGH!!! BACK ON THE SET!!!
Everyone: URRGGHHH!!!
Five Minutes Later …
Harry: Opening shuttle bay doors Captain…
Janeway: Yes, thank you Ensign Hairy Chin
Harry: ::chokes:: W-what did you call me?!
Janeway: Oh … ::blushes:: sorry.
Harry: ::still looking startled:: Tuvok is gone.
Janeway: YES!!! ::balls fist and pulls back arm in victory::
Everyone: ::STARE::
Janeway: ::blushes again, sweat drops:: If anyone needs me I will be in my ready room. ::walks quickly towards her ready room::
Paris: ::whispers:: If I didn't know any better, I did say she hates him.
Janeway: ::hears:: You got that right, Parasite.
Paris: ::eyes pop out of his head:: What did you say?!
Janeway: ::sweat drops:: Y-you're not that right, Paris. ::runs into her ready room::
Inside Janeway's Ready Room…
Janeway: MMMWWWHAAHAAHAA!!! My plan was a success ::grins evilly::!!! NO MORE TUVOK!!! ::does a little happy dance::
Down On The Neon Green Planet With Tuvok…
Tuvok: ::opens shuttle door, steps out, and begins to scan for intelligent life::
Tuvok: There is no intelligent life on this planet. ::kneels down to scan the weird neon-green grass::
The planet had a big yellow sun, rolling neon green hills, with brown rabbits and flowers everywhere. Sound familiar?
Tuvok: ::stills scanning::
Nothing happens.
Tuvok: ::still scanning::
Nothing happens.
Tuvok: ::STILL SCANNING::
Nothing happens.
Tuvok: ::STILL SCANNING::
Nothing happens.
Tuvok: ::thinks to himself:: *&$# that Janeway, I could be meditating right now!!!
Nothing happens.
Oh wait, the stupid song for the beginning of 'Teletubbies' begins. Four green, red, purple, and yellow humanoids, in suits as tight as Seven's, come skipping out. The author's face appears in the bright yellow sun.
Author: MMWWUUHAAHAAHAA!!!
Tuvok: ::stares at the Author's face, says in a bland, logical voice:: That is not logical. The Author's face CAN NOT appear in the sun of this planet. She is 10,000 light-years from here. ::stares::
Coffee Break…
Voyager crew is gathered at one side of the table, muttering amongst themselves, leaving the Author at the other side, sipping her coffee.
Tuvok: ::looking at the script, his eyes pop out and he keels over in his chair:: CRASH!!!
Janeway: ::snatches the script from his hand while the Doc and Paris help Tuvok up::
Everyone except Tuvok: ::gathers around to read it, while sipping coffee, in unison everyone drops their coffee cups and screams::
Janeway: ::mutters to herself:: This has gone too far, it NEEDS TO BE STOPPED.
Janeway: ::stands up and approaches the Author, who doesn't look up and continues to drink her coffee:: I will not permit this to continue. You can't do this to us.
Author: I can do what ever I want. I am the Author. No one can stop me!!! HAAHAAHAA!!!
Janeway: ::waves the script in front of the Author's face:: But don't you think this is a bit extreme?
Author: ::sets down coffee cup:: No.
Janeway: I LOVE CHAKOTAY!!!
Everyone: ::STARE::
Janeway: ::chokes and gags::
Chakotay: ::a dreamy look on his face:: YOU DO CAPTAIN?
Janeway: NO!!!
Author: I told you so. I can do anything I want. MMWWUUHAAHAAHAA!!!
Everyone: ::throws coffee cups at the Author::
Author: ::cowers:: OUCH!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW HOT THAT IS???!!!
Janeway: ::grins evilly while holding the coffee pot::
Author: ::smiles weakly, sweat drops:: Uh… okay, everyone back on the set.
Four Hours Later On The Neon Green Planet With Tuvok…
Author: YA DONE STARING YET???!!!
Tuvok: ::gets a clue and wakes up from his trance::
Author: THANK YOU!!! ::smiles serenely at Tuvok::
Tuvok: ::in a husky, possessed voice; looks shaken and puzzled:: But… this…can…can not… be. It defies…the …laws of logic.
Author: ::smiles again at him:: Yeah… that is why Captain Janeway sent you here. Yo, ::looks at Teletubbies:: Teletubbies… I've found you a new friend.
Teletubbies: ::jump up and restrain Tuvok, then start hauling him to their house::
Tuvok: ::resists, and yells at the Author:: YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!!!
Author: ::cackles:: I can do what ever I want. I am writing this remember. MMWWUUHAAHAAHAA!!!
Tuvok: ::while being dragged into the Teletubbies house, yells:: NOOOOooooo!!!
Back In Captain Janeway's Ready Room…
Janeway: ::watches her view screen as 'Teletubbies' comes on, it is the normal thing except that there is a new blue Teletubbie…::
Author's Note: Hello everyone!!! I hope you enjoyed my story. I DON'T WATCH TELLETUBBIES, SO I MIGHT HAVE GOTTEN A FEW DETAILS WRONG! Remember this is a first so don't be too ruthless with your reviews ::ducks as tomatoes are thrown at her::!!! Uh … heh heh … ::smiles weakly:: … There will be more to come!!! ::more fruit is thrown at her:: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!