©2001 This story was written by Katie (oh sure! Like I'll give you my last name!). It is totally 100% fictional, which is why it's a fanfic! If you wanna use it on your webpage, then you must e-mail me at katiec@nb.sympatico.ca. If I find my fanfic on your page without my permission, then I will personally kill you. Have a nice day :P!
LEGAL CONKER DISCLAIMER: © Random years, who knows... uhm, we'll say 2000, since this has nothing to do with Conker's Pocket Tails or Twelve Tails. Right. © 2001 Rare and Nintendo. All rights reserved.
Suicide Squirrel, TOTAL WAR Part 3
"I have to go back!" Suicide exclaimed, spinning around on his heels and starting to sprint back to the base.
"Suicide, what the hell do you think you're doing!?" Chessut shouted, running after him. "That's suicide! You'll die going into the Tediz base on your own!" Suicide frowned.
"All the better." He replied. The albino squirrel from before, a grey squirrel, a brown, and a red one turned around and chased Suicide and Chessut.
"Just you wait a second!" The albino shouted. Suicide and Chessut slowed down, then spun around to look at the squirrel. "Where the fuck do you think you're going?" Suicide gulped.
"We're going to the base." He said very matter-of-factly. "And there's nothing you dickheads can do about it. I'm going to rescue my friend." The other squirrels surrounding him looked at eachother, then burst into laughter.
"Y-you think that after your little escapade with that grey squirrel back there that we'll let you go over to our base BY YOURSELF?" The brown squirrel laughed. "I don't think so." Suicide frowned and turned away.
"Whether you let me or not isn't the case here. I'm GOING, and that's final." He started to stalk off. The albino squirrel stopped laughing for a moment.
"Wait a second there, guy." He said. Suicide stopped walking. "How about we make you a deal? You can go, but under one condition." Suicide groaned loudly.
"What is it now?" He asked. The albino smiled.
"We have to go with you."
Pinéca sobbed silently, looking out the window at the stars, which were slowly greeting the night.
Suicide's going to die, and it's all my fault! She thought, a tear trickling down her black, furry cheek. She closed her eyes, then opened them in a frown. Then, she screamed as loud as she possibly could.
"Uhm, so . . ." The albino squirrel began as the troop headed toward the base. It was getting dark. "What's your name, Killer?" Suicide looked behind him and glared at the white squirrel.
"It's NOT Killer, thank you very much. My name is Suicide, and this is Chessut." He gestured his hands toward Chessut. "And who might you fine assholes be?" The albino laughed.
"You're just BURSTIN' with originality, Killer. Anyway, the name's Div, short for Divinity." He muttered. Suicide smirked and raised an eyebrow.
"Divinity? That is the gayest name for a guy I have ever heard." He laughed. "What about the rest of you?" He gestured to the other squirrels behind him. The brown one spoke up first.
"The name's Acorn." He said passively, looking at the scenery around him. The grey one looked up.
"I'm Smokey, for obvious reasons." He laughed a bit, then coughed. The red one nodded.
"I'm Kent." He said. Suicide looked back at them and nodded.
"It's almost a pleasure to be working with you all, but not quite." He laughed a bit, but Smokey got in front of Suicide and blocked him.
"No more funny shit, man." He took out a semi-automatic rifle and aimed it between Suicide's eyes. "Or I'll blow your head off. We're here to supervise you, not take any crap from you." He growled. Suicide laughed.
"Supervise me! What for!?" He snapped, smirking. Smokey glared at him.
"You completely blew up that guy back there. We're makin' sure you don't do any funny business." Suicide sighed rather loudly, and rolled his eyes.
"I told you! It was an accident! You think I'm really a traitor!? I've got a friend out there who's been captured by the Tediz! Who knows what they'll to to her-HIM! What they'll do to HIM!" He shouted, quickly correcting himself. Smokey smirked.
"Well, then . . ." They resumed walking, and Smokey went back behind Suicide.
It was dark. Time for the Tediz to strike, when the opponent was least expecting it.
They hobbled through the darkness of the bunker, toting sniper rifles and submachine handguns. One slipped and fell on the mud. He screamed.
"Shut up!" One Tediz hissed in its crude language. "You want those squirrels to hear you? They'll suspect something and get down here! Do you really want that to happen?" He hissed. The fallen Tediz gulped loudly.
"N-no. I'm s-sorry." He stuttered. The one standing above him whacked him on the head with his rifle, giving him a bit of a bruise.
"Then stand up! And stop screaming!" He walked on. The fallen Tediz stood slowly, a tear trickling down his cheek. He whimpered slightly, but continued on. Suddenly, the troop stopped.
"Now, fellow Tediz!" One Tediz with a formidable scar across his right eye said. "We're now entering the squirrel scum's base. First one to collect the chemical weapon, get yer ass into the sewer. I suggest those who are left over either follow the lucky bastard with the weapon, or grab a gas mask. That's what the boss told me. Apparently, the prisoner's got a buddy out there. We need to kill all of 'em!" He laughed loudly. "Any questions?" The Tediz at the end, the one who had been knocked over, slowly raised a quivering hand.
"Uhm, do we have to go through with this procedure?" He asked in a shaky voice. "Isn't it, uhm," he noticed all the other Tediz glaring in his general direction, "isn't this, uhm, cheating?" The scarred Tediz smirked.
"Joelk, do you have a deathwish? You really want those squirrels to put a bullet through your head?" He laughed a bit. "We're the bad guys here, remember? We're supposed to cheat!" The Tediz in back (Joelk, apparently) gulped.
"I understand," he said, shrinking into a corner. "Sorry."
Smokey and Suicide resumed fighting all the way to the base. Chessut finally sighed loudly, and cut in.
"Gentlemen, we've arrived at the base." He said above all the noise. Smokey and Suicide quickly shut up.
"We have to be very quiet around here." Div whispered, holding his semi-automatic rifle at the ready. "There are probably some Tediz around here." They slowly entered the base, when they saw . . .
A huge brigade of Tediz! Maybe a hundred of them! All walking slowly up the planks toward . . .
The canister.
The present squirrels stood there in utter shock as the Tediz patrolled up into the canister area. They watched as one Tediz took the canister, and walked proudly toward the bunker. Acorn frowned, then took out a magnum.
"They ain't gettin' away with this." He muttered. He fired away at the one carrying the canister, grazing its shoulder and making it drop the canister. The canister rolled down into the bunker, making it one step closer to killing everyone around.
"Shit!" Acorn swore, snapping his fingers in disappointment. He first picked off all the Tediz waiting to grab a gas mask, then ran inside to search for the canister. It didn't take long for the Tediz to notice him, though. Several poured into the bunker area, searching for him.
"Let's help him," Kent offered. The others nodded, then brought out some weapons. They immediately started shooting any Tediz that ran into the bunker area. They dropped one after another after another; just like flies. It wasn't long before there were at least fifty dead Tediz littering the ground. Suicide ran in toward the bunker.
"Suicide, wait! You'll kill yourself!" Chessut shouted. Suicide spun around. He laughed a bit.
"I know!" He replied. He turned back around, then ran toward the bunker. Chessut sighed sadly.
"Be careful, Suicide . . ." He whispered.
The Tediz leader slapped Pinéca.
"Shut up, you bitch!" He shouted. "You want your little squirrel friends to come in and kill us all!?" Pinéca glared up at him in a solemn frown.
"You're damn right I do!" She snapped. The leader frowned.
"Not the answer I was expecting. As soon as we kill off your squirrel friends, we'll deal with you. You'll never know what hit you!" He grinned evilly. "Because you'll be dead." Pinéca growled.
"No you won't. Suicide'll come after you. You'll be the dead one!" Her eyes narrowed into a vicious stare. The leader laughed.
"We'll see about that."
Suicide ran down the bunker as fast as possible. Suddenly, he heard a voice . . .
"Suicide! Waiiiit!" It was Chessut. Suicide spun around, then smiled.
"Come along for the ride, eh? Good job there, Chessut!" He complimented. Chessut grinned, then his eyes wandered to the near end of the bunker. Panic took over his face.
"RUN!" He exclaimed, running toward the canister drop-off. Suicide turned around, and saw a Tediz carrying the canister. Not only that, but he had just gotten past the door. Suicide started running as well, but then remembered that he could get down there much faster (just like last time) if he slid down. He took a leap, and flopped down onto his stomach, temporarily winding him, and slid down the bunker. He spread out his arms and legs, but kept them in the air, just so that he could trip several Tediz along the way. He was making good time, but then, he accidently tripped Chessut! Chessut toppled on top of him, and covered his hands over his eyes in panic. Suicide couldn't see a friggin' thing! They slid through the mud, completely soiling their army outfits, and then ran into something warm and fuzzy. . . .
There was a loud, Tediz scream, and Chessut watched as the Tediz who was carrying the canister flew across the room and smashed - headfirst - into the metal wall. The canister flew up, and fell into the mud. Suicide and Chessut slowed down a bit, and stopped right before the canister drop-off. They stood and dusted themselves off, then looked at one another. They then looked over at the Tediz, who was now lying on the ground, unconscious. They looked back at eachother, and laughed.
"You guys!" Acorn shouted, running down the bunker. Kent, Div, and Smokey followed. "That was THE single coolest thing I have EVER seen!" He praised them. "I was wrong about you two! You're not so bad after all!" He laughed, and patted the two squirrels on the shoulders. "So, then. . . ." Just then, a Tediz walked over and tapped Chessut lightly on the shoulder.
"Excuse me. . . ." It said, in a very normal English voice. It was Joelk. Chessut backed away slowly.
"Get away from me, you dirty Tediz bastard!" He hissed, whipping out a couple of handguns. Joelk backed away a bit as well.
"A-are you. . . ." He began, stuttering out of nervousness. "Are you Chessut?" He finished. Chessut looked confused.
"Uh, yeah . . . who wants to know?" He said suspiciously. Joelk's face brightened.
"Chessut! It's me! Joelk! Don't you recognize me?"
End of part 3 Augh! Finally finished the bloody chapter! Sorry this one's shorter than the others. The next one'll be longer! Anyway, I FINALLY found out what Mepsipax is, thanks to someone very nice who decided to e-mail me ^^ apparently, it's a brand of condoms O.o I know, I mean, WHAT THE FUCK!? *L* Anyway, thanks for reading, y'all :p Don't forget to e-mail me with comments/complaints/other stuff here! Baiiiii!