A Tale of Stolen Quotes, Eminem Filks, Mile-long Disclaimers, and Utterly Pointless Clichés. With a special guest appearance by Sonic the Hedgehog!! By Sera
A/N: I'm writing this in the third person - I prefer it that way
Sera: Evening all, and welcome to my first, and probably not the last, cliché! *tries to snap fingers then realises that she can't* um… alright… er… *claps hands*
*Harry appears and falls onto Sera's bed*
Harry: Oh no, not another deranged fanfic author
Sera: *slaps him* I am not deranged!! How dare you say that!! I'm simply on a nothing high!! (A/N: Like a sugar high, but instead I get high on nothing)
Harry: *rubbing his sore cheek* Why are you slapping me? Slap Malfoy instead, that would do us all a favour!
Sera: Great idea! *claps hands*
Draco: *appears and falls onto Sera's bed*
Harry: Ouch!!
Draco: *seeing Sera* Oh no, not another …
Sera: *slaps him*
Draco: I was going to say "stunningly beautiful girl" but never mind
Sera: I don't think I want you here anymore *claps hands*
*Draco disappears, Hermione and Ron appear and fall onto Sera's bed*
Ron: Oh no, not another cliché with a dumb title. What's it mean?
Sera: *busy clapping hands and summoning food and drinks* Well, it means exactly what it says
Hermione: But you haven't stolen any quotes… or anything it says!!
Sera: *shrugging* Sure, sure, but this is only the beginning. I haven't had time to do anything yet. Besides, this is my first cliché and I'm trying to make it funny. Anyone like some Sprite?
Ron: Please.
Sera: Ice?
Ron: *taking his glass of sprite* You know, I love ice. It's like water, but it's not
Harry: *impatiently* Forget that. I'm trying to think of what to do to Malfoy the next time I see him. *to Sera* Can you believe, he made me lose FIFTY points for Gryffindor?? All because I told him to sod off, so he ratted on me to Snape. Can you believe that??!!?!
Sera: Yes
Harry: Huh??
Sera: Yes, I can believe that
Hermione: Harry, you should try and mock him. Say something that you know will get him, you know, like how he always teases Ron about being poor and Ron hates that? Find out something about him that he doesn't want other people to know
Ron: Oh, you mean, like the 'nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah' approach to battle
Hermione: Yes Ron, once again you manage to boil a complex thought down to simplest form possible
Ron: *sulks*
Harry: And what if I can't find anything?
Hermione: Curl your hand into a fist and propel your arm in a parabola with sufficient velocity and kinetic energy that when it comes into contact with Malfoy's cranium, his potential energy will change into gravitational energy, pulling him towards the centre of the earth.
Sera: Wow! I actually understood that
Harry: So you mean, punch him on the nose?
Hermione: Precisely.
Ron: How come Harry doesn't get a snotty 'once again you boil it down'?
Hermione: Er…
Ron: You think I'm stupid! Don't you? I feel really stupid! I am stupid!
*stunned silence*
Ron: Alright, don't everyone rush to disagree…
Sera: Okay enough chitchat people, let's get going!! *claps hands*
Voldemort: *appears and falls onto Sera's bed*
Sera: Welcome Voldie!!
Voldemort: *ignoring everyone* I'm Lord Voldie, yes I'm the real Voldie, all you other Death Eaters are just imitating…
Hermione: Dear Sir, Mister You-Know-Who, if you don't shut up right this instant then I will yank out your ribcage and wear it as a hat.
Ron: *shocked* Hermione!! How could you say such a thing!!
Hermione: There's nothing I hate more than…
Harry: Yes, we know… out of tune singing
Sera: *claps her hands*
Draco: *appears… oh, you know what happens*
Sera: EVERYBODY GET OFF MY BED!!! Or it'll break and then I'll have to sleep on the floor and I HATE SLEEPING ON THE FLOOR!!!
All: Yes ma'am *and get off the bed*
Sera: This is really crowded, I don't think I can bring anymore people in. And where am I going to sit?
Draco: On my lap
Sera: Want another slap??
Draco: Oh, you're so kinky, it really turns me on, baby. Spank me!
Sera: *punches him on the nose*
Draco: Ow!!! You broke by dose!!!
Sera: *claps hands*
Draco: *disappears*
Harry: Good riddance!!
Sera: *claps hands*
Sonic the Hedgehog: *appears and falls onto a specially provided cushion because if he fell onto the bed then his spikes would make a hole in it and this is too long for a stage direction but I don't give a [censored]* What up, dudes and dudettes?
Sera: Sonic, use your own quotes
Sonic: Hey hey! Sera! How's the flow, oh radical fanfic author? And by the way everyone, watch my show 3.30 weekdays!
Harry: Ahem.
Sonic: Er.. hi… wizarding-type dude.
Sera: *claps hands*
Sally Acorn: *appears and falls onto Sera's bed* Where am I?
Ron: *his eyes pop out of his head because Sally is in real form not cartoon form and therefore has a bod to die for*
Harry: Herm, this is what I meant when I said that Ron's acting all primal
Hermione: Oh, this is awful. He's turned into a teenage boy. Of course, you'll have to kill him.
Ron: *to Sally* And you are… gorgeous.
Sonic: Hey, dude…
Ron: You gonna tell me to stay away from your girl?
Sonic: If I had to do that then she wouldn't be my girl
Ron: Okay *turns back to Sally*
Sonic: Oh yeah, stay away from my girl
Harry: But you just said…
Sonic: Lehuuuuuzeherrrrrr (if you can actually figure out what THIS quote is, you get 2 Galleons!!)
Everyone else: ???
Ron: *holing his hand out to Sally* I'm Ronald Wellsey *beat* Ronald Weasley! Weasley!
Harry: Not the best introduction ever
Sally: *shaking Ron's hand* Princess Sally Acorn
Ron: A princess?? *kneels* Your Majesty, I swear…
Sonic: Sal, we're supposed to be on a mission
Ron: HEY! I was talking! *to Sonic* Look, pal, why don't you take your little mission and stick it up your…
Voldemort: Ahem. I think this is wanting to be a G-rated fic.
*Sonic and Sally run out of the front door*
Hermione: That went well
Sera: Yeah, but I'm out of quotes
Hermione: Huh??
Sera: Never mind. And besides, I've got nothing else to say or do. Bye all! *claps hands and everyone disappears* Well, that was pointless and boring and not funny. Ah well, better luck next time. Now for the disclaimer!!
Disclaimer: All HP characters belong to the Supreme High JK. Eminem belongs to himself, the twisted version of 'The Real Slim Shady' belongs to be (well, if anyone has the exact same thing, I PROMISE, I didn't copy it on purpose. My version's not the same as anyone else's I've seen) The glass of sprite belongs to me, even though Ron drank it, but sprite belongs to itself.
A Galleon for the first people to review and tell me where the quotes came from, who said them, and who they were said to!! I'll say who won in my next cliché.
A/N: I'm writing this in the third person - I prefer it that way
Sera: Evening all, and welcome to my first, and probably not the last, cliché! *tries to snap fingers then realises that she can't* um… alright… er… *claps hands*
*Harry appears and falls onto Sera's bed*
Harry: Oh no, not another deranged fanfic author
Sera: *slaps him* I am not deranged!! How dare you say that!! I'm simply on a nothing high!! (A/N: Like a sugar high, but instead I get high on nothing)
Harry: *rubbing his sore cheek* Why are you slapping me? Slap Malfoy instead, that would do us all a favour!
Sera: Great idea! *claps hands*
Draco: *appears and falls onto Sera's bed*
Harry: Ouch!!
Draco: *seeing Sera* Oh no, not another …
Sera: *slaps him*
Draco: I was going to say "stunningly beautiful girl" but never mind
Sera: I don't think I want you here anymore *claps hands*
*Draco disappears, Hermione and Ron appear and fall onto Sera's bed*
Ron: Oh no, not another cliché with a dumb title. What's it mean?
Sera: *busy clapping hands and summoning food and drinks* Well, it means exactly what it says
Hermione: But you haven't stolen any quotes… or anything it says!!
Sera: *shrugging* Sure, sure, but this is only the beginning. I haven't had time to do anything yet. Besides, this is my first cliché and I'm trying to make it funny. Anyone like some Sprite?
Ron: Please.
Sera: Ice?
Ron: *taking his glass of sprite* You know, I love ice. It's like water, but it's not
Harry: *impatiently* Forget that. I'm trying to think of what to do to Malfoy the next time I see him. *to Sera* Can you believe, he made me lose FIFTY points for Gryffindor?? All because I told him to sod off, so he ratted on me to Snape. Can you believe that??!!?!
Sera: Yes
Harry: Huh??
Sera: Yes, I can believe that
Hermione: Harry, you should try and mock him. Say something that you know will get him, you know, like how he always teases Ron about being poor and Ron hates that? Find out something about him that he doesn't want other people to know
Ron: Oh, you mean, like the 'nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah' approach to battle
Hermione: Yes Ron, once again you manage to boil a complex thought down to simplest form possible
Ron: *sulks*
Harry: And what if I can't find anything?
Hermione: Curl your hand into a fist and propel your arm in a parabola with sufficient velocity and kinetic energy that when it comes into contact with Malfoy's cranium, his potential energy will change into gravitational energy, pulling him towards the centre of the earth.
Sera: Wow! I actually understood that
Harry: So you mean, punch him on the nose?
Hermione: Precisely.
Ron: How come Harry doesn't get a snotty 'once again you boil it down'?
Hermione: Er…
Ron: You think I'm stupid! Don't you? I feel really stupid! I am stupid!
*stunned silence*
Ron: Alright, don't everyone rush to disagree…
Sera: Okay enough chitchat people, let's get going!! *claps hands*
Voldemort: *appears and falls onto Sera's bed*
Sera: Welcome Voldie!!
Voldemort: *ignoring everyone* I'm Lord Voldie, yes I'm the real Voldie, all you other Death Eaters are just imitating…
Hermione: Dear Sir, Mister You-Know-Who, if you don't shut up right this instant then I will yank out your ribcage and wear it as a hat.
Ron: *shocked* Hermione!! How could you say such a thing!!
Hermione: There's nothing I hate more than…
Harry: Yes, we know… out of tune singing
Sera: *claps her hands*
Draco: *appears… oh, you know what happens*
Sera: EVERYBODY GET OFF MY BED!!! Or it'll break and then I'll have to sleep on the floor and I HATE SLEEPING ON THE FLOOR!!!
All: Yes ma'am *and get off the bed*
Sera: This is really crowded, I don't think I can bring anymore people in. And where am I going to sit?
Draco: On my lap
Sera: Want another slap??
Draco: Oh, you're so kinky, it really turns me on, baby. Spank me!
Sera: *punches him on the nose*
Draco: Ow!!! You broke by dose!!!
Sera: *claps hands*
Draco: *disappears*
Harry: Good riddance!!
Sera: *claps hands*
Sonic the Hedgehog: *appears and falls onto a specially provided cushion because if he fell onto the bed then his spikes would make a hole in it and this is too long for a stage direction but I don't give a [censored]* What up, dudes and dudettes?
Sera: Sonic, use your own quotes
Sonic: Hey hey! Sera! How's the flow, oh radical fanfic author? And by the way everyone, watch my show 3.30 weekdays!
Harry: Ahem.
Sonic: Er.. hi… wizarding-type dude.
Sera: *claps hands*
Sally Acorn: *appears and falls onto Sera's bed* Where am I?
Ron: *his eyes pop out of his head because Sally is in real form not cartoon form and therefore has a bod to die for*
Harry: Herm, this is what I meant when I said that Ron's acting all primal
Hermione: Oh, this is awful. He's turned into a teenage boy. Of course, you'll have to kill him.
Ron: *to Sally* And you are… gorgeous.
Sonic: Hey, dude…
Ron: You gonna tell me to stay away from your girl?
Sonic: If I had to do that then she wouldn't be my girl
Ron: Okay *turns back to Sally*
Sonic: Oh yeah, stay away from my girl
Harry: But you just said…
Sonic: Lehuuuuuzeherrrrrr (if you can actually figure out what THIS quote is, you get 2 Galleons!!)
Everyone else: ???
Ron: *holing his hand out to Sally* I'm Ronald Wellsey *beat* Ronald Weasley! Weasley!
Harry: Not the best introduction ever
Sally: *shaking Ron's hand* Princess Sally Acorn
Ron: A princess?? *kneels* Your Majesty, I swear…
Sonic: Sal, we're supposed to be on a mission
Ron: HEY! I was talking! *to Sonic* Look, pal, why don't you take your little mission and stick it up your…
Voldemort: Ahem. I think this is wanting to be a G-rated fic.
*Sonic and Sally run out of the front door*
Hermione: That went well
Sera: Yeah, but I'm out of quotes
Hermione: Huh??
Sera: Never mind. And besides, I've got nothing else to say or do. Bye all! *claps hands and everyone disappears* Well, that was pointless and boring and not funny. Ah well, better luck next time. Now for the disclaimer!!
Disclaimer: All HP characters belong to the Supreme High JK. Eminem belongs to himself, the twisted version of 'The Real Slim Shady' belongs to be (well, if anyone has the exact same thing, I PROMISE, I didn't copy it on purpose. My version's not the same as anyone else's I've seen) The glass of sprite belongs to me, even though Ron drank it, but sprite belongs to itself.
A Galleon for the first people to review and tell me where the quotes came from, who said them, and who they were said to!! I'll say who won in my next cliché.