10/14/00
"Bittersweet"
By: Lelu
E-mail: Leluh40@yahoo.com
PG
1/3
[Disclaimer: x_X Do we really need to remind
ourselves that SM belongs to Naoko?]
*Part One*
*She snuggled against his chest, inhaling his scent.
Roses- it was always roses. Roses and cinnamon
clashing together, making him smell wonderfully
masculine. She was so lucky to have him in her life.
She glanced up when she felt his eyes upon her body.
"Usa-ko, what are you doing?"
Laughing- a sound that was so beautiful to Mamoru-
she replied, "I'm loving you right now. And I'm
possibly thinking about loving you for the rest of my
life." Reaching up with her hand, she stroked his
skin, tan and soft. "Aishiteru, Mamo-chan," she
whispered to him. "Even if you may not love me, I'll
always love you."
Reaching up, he took her hand and held it in his own,
his head descending to meet her lips. "Ne, Usa-
ko...The day when I stop loving you will *never*
*ever* come." And then their lips met in the sweetest
of caresses, sharing their love with each other. *
What a sweet moment that had been- what a happy
moment. When they were just concerned with being
together- being as close as they could to each other
with out stepping over the line. That afternoon had
been filled with passionate kisses, and vows of love,
most of them coming from her. He had only told her
that he had loved her once that afternoon, but it was
enough to keep her spirit alive- then. Now, her soul
was dying, withering. She had no one to hold her
anymore...no one to tell her that everything would be
alright....No one to love her as a lover would.
Drying her tears, Usagi thought bitterly, 'But the day
came, didn't it, Mamo-chan? You have stopped
loving me...or at least, you claim to have forgotten
our bond, our love You chose a dream...over me.'
She knew he had...She had known for a few days
now, for she had experienced the same dream he had
had. They had been broken up for nearly a month
now, and now she understood why. She wanted to
confront him, and perhaps she would. 'Someday
soon,' she promised to herself. Sighing, she wiped
back the tears and lay on her bed, staring up at the
ceiling, and then out the window. The moon shone in
all her glory, a pure white light bathing the planet of
Earth. She wanted to be like that, too. To be
beautiful, pure, and loving. But she couldn't be. Not
when Mamoru didn't love her anymore.
He stared down at the bed, not wanting to sleep. He
had broken up with her 3 weeks ago, and was still
haunted by the Dream. Every time he fell asleep, the
Dream would come back, full force. He hated the
night now. Hated what the Dream was doing to him-
what it was slowly doing to his and Usagi's love. The
Dream was tearing them apart, and he knew it- he
was the one who was causing it, after all. He refused
to believe that the Dream was nothing more than just
a dream. He knew that what he saw in it...
*They walked down the aisle in bliss, Usagi's eyes
sparkling happily. Mamoru looked down at her, a soft
smile on his face. "I can't believe it, Mamo-chan,"
she said softly. "Is this real? Have we really made it
this far?"
He chuckled softly as they neared the altar, pushing a
strand of blond hair that had fallen out of the hairdo,
behind her ear. "Hai, Usa-ko," he affirmed. "This is
real. We have made it. We have triumphed over the
hardest times, and we still have each other."
They turned away from each other, waiting for the
priest to begin his ceremony...but it never came.
Instead, the ground would open, and, to Mamoru's
horror, Usagi would be pulled away from every time.
No matter how hard his grip was around her body,
she would always be pulled away...into Death's
waiting arms.
"Chiba Mamoru...." The ominous voice would say.
"This is your destiny...If you do not stay away from
Tsukino Usagi, your Princess, this is her fate and
yours. Stay away from her if you care for her. If you
love her, you will protect her by keeping your
distance. Heed these words...and never forget."*
...would become real. And, as always, he would
wake up in a cold sweat- panting, afraid. Afraid for
what would happen to Usagi if they had stayed
together. He tried to ignore it for so many weeks,
pretending whenever he was with her that he had no
worries. But for everyday he was with her, the worse
the dream would become. The Dream would
intensify, the pressure would be harder on him. He
was so afraid for her...He was so scared to think of
what would really happen if they did end up being
married.
But oh Lord, how much he loved her. She was the
one who made him truly happy- made him feel truly
wanted. She was the light that penetrated through the
darkness that he had before...before he had met her.
She was so beautiful- spiritually, emotionally, and
physically. Those bright blue eyes held so many
secrets from the world, shared only with him. He
knew the doubts that she held; she was so afraid that
she wasn't a good enough leader. She was afraid that
she wasn't a good friend. And, most importantly, she
was afraid that he would stop loving her.
Mamoru still remembered the day she had confessed
that one fear to him. It had shocked him to the core,
for it was exactly the same fear that he held for her.
He was so terrified at the thought of losing her. If she
would find a man much better than he...And he knew
it was possible. After all, in his own eyes, Mamoru
was nothing. So what if he was the Prince of the
Earth? He *had* been the Prince of the Earth. And in
the future? What would he be then? His Usa-ko's
husband, while she ruled the people of the moon?
They had spoken together, quietly, and renewed their
love through their fear. They wanted, needed, each
other, and they promised that they would be together.
Forever.
He wanted to be with her no matter what the cost
was. But if the cost was her own death...
**Flashback**
*Mamoru had called Usagi, telling her to meet him at
the Crown. She had heard the heavy tone in his voice,
and had immediately asked, "Daijabou?"
"Daijabou," he replied. "Don't worry about me, Usa-
ko...Just get yourself to the Crown as fast as you can,
ne?"
She marred her eyebrows, unknown to him, and
hesitantly replied, "Hai, Mamo-chan. Demo, what is
so important? Can't you tell me over the phone?" She
held her breath.
"Iie, Usa-ko. I need to see you." 'You at least deserve
to hear this from in person...I can't be the coward
anymore,' he thought, clenching the phone so hard
that it was about to crack."
"Umm...okay then, Mamo-chan. I'll see you there in
about 5 minutes, okay? Aishite-"
Click.
He had hung up on her, not wanting to hear the words
that she had deemed him worthy to hear. He was
undeserving of her love now, if the cause of her death
was because she loved him. Closing his eyes, he
leaned against the back of the wall, trying to take
deep breaths. 'It's for the best,' he rationalized. 'She
won't get hurt this way.' Nodding his head, satisfied,
he opened the door and walked out, his stride sure
and confident.
But he had forgotten one little fact: She would get
hurt when she found out that the love of her
life...didn't want her anymore.
Usagi stared into the phone, confused. He hadn't even
stayed long enough to listen to her say good bye and
that she loved him. 'Good-bye', she absently thought.
'How harsh that word is.' Shaking her head, she
grabbed her jacket and headed out the door.
**Crown**
Mamoru arrived before she did, and was glad that
had happened. He wanted to sit down first, think
clearly, and plan how he was going to do this. On the
way here, during his walk, all he could think was,
'Why?' Who wanted him to know- to feel- the pain of
loneliness again? He thought he had been cured when
he had met Usagi, and he had. Those bright blue
eyes, the beautiful strands of blonde hair that seemed
endless, and those full red lips. Her soul was bright
and pure, never doubting for a second that evil could
totally corrupt a person. She trusted everyone, and in
return, everyone trusted her. Sighing, he sat down in
the first booth- the one closest to the door- and
waited patiently for her to come.
She arrived at the Crown in 10 minutes, waving to
Motoki who was serving a milkshake to a young
child. Glancing around the room, she spotted
Mamoru, who seemed like he was staring off into
space. 'That's odd,' she noted. 'He never does that
unless there's something really important on his
mind...' Absently shrugging her shoulders, she
walked over to him, kissing him lightly on the cheek.
"Hi, Mamo-chan," Usagi said, walking over to the
other side of the booth, sitting down across from him.
"I'm not late, am I?" When he didn't reply, she
repeated, "Am I?"
He wanted to look at her like this one more time. To
recapture this moment- how the sunlight was playing
in her hair, every strand highlighted, sparkling.
Porcelain face tilted slightly, blue eyes flitting across
his face, worried. He closed his eyes for a split
second, wondering just how he was going to find the
courage to do this.
*"Chiba Mamoru...." The ominous voice said,
ringing in his head. "This is your destiny...If you do
not stay away from Tsukino Usagi, your Princess,
this is her fate and yours. Stay away from her if you
care for her. If you love her, you will protect her by
keeping your distance. Heed these words...and never
forget."*
His eyes flew open, startling her. "Mamo-
chan...What's wrong?"
He had found his courage- his reason. It was so
simple- so heartbreakingly simple: Tell her you don't
love her and she lives. Drawing in a deep breath, he
braced himself for her reaction. Staring into her eyes,
he said, "Usagi...I need to tell you something." He
tried to ignore the hurt that was so obvious in her
eyes when he hadn't called her by his nickname.
"Usagi...I think that it would be best...if we didn't see
each other anymore." He tried to blurt it out quickly
so it would seem less fatal- for the both of them. But
when her breathing accelerated, and her hand went to
clench her shirt, he knew that it had hurt just as much
as it would have if he had went slowly.
"You..." she tried to breathe, to think. It seemed like
her whole body had shut down at the words he had
just spoken. She waited until her heart had stopped
beating so furiously, willing herself to speak.
"Mamo-chan...You want us...to....to break up?" Her
voice had cracked on the last word for she had never
thought she would have said those words- not now,
not ever.
Nodding, he affirmed it. "Hai...Usagi. We're
finished."
Again, she was speechless. 'We're finished...?' she
thought. 'Finished? How could we ever be...' But a
look into his hard indigo eyes proved that she was
wrong. 'We are through,' she thought numbly. 'Over.
Done with.' The muscles in her neck strained, her
eyes trying to hold back her tears. "Are you..." her
voice was above a whisper, pitiful even to her own
ears. "Are you sure...?" She blinked rapidly, feeling
her heart rise to her throat. "Is this what you truly
want?" She held her breath.
She was giving him one last chance, to prove that this
whole thing was a joke. Mamoru couldn't push the
image of her dying out of his head, nor could he ever
forget the image that Usagi was portraying. He had to
do this- for her. "Yes." His voice was strong, never
wavering. "I'm sure." He watched as a tear slipped
from under her dark lashes, wishing he could wipe
them away- wishing the he wasn't the one who had
caused the tears. "Gomen ne, Usagi...I just don't love
you anymore."
Her eyes widened. It had been horrible enough when
he said that he had wanted to break up- but now...he
was admitting that he didn't love her? Had he ever
truly loved her? Or had their whole relationship been
a facade? She didn't want to think; she didn't want to
know. Covering her face with her hands, she got up
and ran out the door, looking back only once.
His hands clenched the vinyl of the red booth,
cursing Fate, Destiny, and God. His whole body
nearly shook with rage, and all he wanted to do was
to run after her. But he wouldn't- he would be strong
for her. He would be strong for everything that she
had saved him from...but now, the emptiness was
back. He had fallen into a dark, black abyss of
nothingness- his Light was gone.*
**End Flashback**
...then what he had done was right. Sighing, he
pulled back the covers, and fell into a torturous sleep.
Usagi, in her room, made up her mind. She was going
to find him the next day, and whether or not he was
willing, she was going to make him decide. Too
exhausted to even pull up the blankets, curled up on
the bed and fall asleep...She, too, fell into a horror-
filled slumber...where Mamo-chan and she were a
couple, but when she woke, no longer.*
**The Next Day**
Usagi ran and ran, her feet pounding on the cemented
streets. She had to find him- to tell him that she
understood why he was doing this. She couldn't take
it any longer- her heart was slowly falling apart every
day. She couldn't stand living another day, if it meant
being apart from him. She missed everything about
him- the way he would push up his reading glasses
when they slipped from his nose. How he had always
plant a kiss on her forehead, shyly, when he thought
no one was looking. How he had always made her
feel warm, safe, and indomitable. She ran, with only
one clear thought in her mind: I must find him.
Mamoru looked up from the bench he was sitting on.
The sky was partly clear, but it was beginning to
darken. When his glance fell upon the far corner of
the horizon, dark clouds were gathering. Rain would
probably come in an hour or so, darkening this lovely
day. He shifted uncomfortably. Something inside him
felt...uneasy. Like something was going to happen,
and he wouldn't like it. Standing up, he stretched, his
limbs sore from sitting there all day. He didn't know
why he had- maybe he thought that he would have
run into Usagi...to see her again. 'It's been so long...I
wish I could hold her again.' The month had dragged
by so slowly, and it hurt him to see her- how her
body seemed so...worn. But he couldn't pity his
choice- his decision. As long as she lived, he was
fine. Who cared if he had to cry himself to sleep
every night? Or that the Dream still wouldn't go
away? It didn't matter- Not...one...bit.... He wiped a
tear away, and began to walk home.
She continued to run, eyes darting back and forth,
searching. Her lungs hurt, her feet hurt, but she didn't
care. Just as long as she found him, she would be
happy. Passing, she ran past the park, but didn't see
him there. She dodged a sign, and was about to take a
left when...She saw him. He was across the street,
walking slowly. She immediately stopped running,
catching her breath.
Plop.
She looked up, and noticed that it was beginning to
sprinkle lightly. She didn't care- just as long as she
could get to him in time, then everything would be
right. She dodged across the street, paying no heed to
the cars, or the horns that honked at her. But Mamoru
had noticed the sudden ruckus, and had stopped,
turned around. He watched this beautiful tenshi run
towards him, and he could almost swear that he saw
wings, and a golden light illuminating her whole
body.
"Mamo-chan!" she called out, nearing him. "Mamo-
chan...wait...Let me talk to you."
He fought his own demons as he waited for her- he
had decided to wait. He had missed hearing her
voice, and it would feel good to be near her again.
The rain fell harder, pounding on the pavement...
She finally caught up to him, chest heaving, cheeks
beautifully flushed. "I...Mamo..." Now that she was
finally here, she didn't know what to say. How could
she approach him now, the man who wasn't hers
anymore? She decided to go with the head on
confrontation- to give him another chance.
"Usagi," he said, voice rigid. "I don't have much time,
and as you can already see, the rain is getting heavier.
Tell me what you want, and then let me go."
'Let me go...'
She gasped softly- he didn't know how much impact
those words truly had on her. Eyes watering, Usagi
turned soft blue eyes to stare into his hard blue ones.
"Mamoru," she whispered, fighting back tears. "I
know why you're doing this to us...to me...to
yourself...But it's only a *dream* Mamoru...A god
forsaken dream." She reached out and touched his
sleeve briefly, the small contact sending shivers up
her spine. "But I'm real, Mamo-chan...I'm real and
waiting for you...But I can't wait forever. I can't be
tied down by the fact that I still love you, but you
don't love me...or are you lying?"
The raindrops continued to fall, her dark sooty lashes
coated with rain and her own tears. A haze
surrounded the two, semi-protecting them from the
rain. But her clothes slowly began to dampen, as did
his. They paid no attention to this, though, only to the
matter at hand.
He stared down at her, indifferent, and that nearly
broke her heart. "Don't you hear me, Mamoru?!" she
cried, shaking him. "Can't you understand what I'm
telling you?! You have to choose, damnit! Me or the
dream!"
Mamoru swallowed, blue eyes frigid. "I choose to
believe in the Dream, Usagi. The Dream tells me
what will happen in the future...and I can't risk your
death because of my feelings for you. I do love you,
Usag...Usa-ko. We just can't be together anymore-I
can't be with you... "
Her body stiffened- she couldn't believe what she was
hearing. He was going to leave her...to leave her heart
broken just for the stupid belief of his. Suddenly, her
hand began to shake with her anger. Usagi watched,
horrified, as she reached out and slapped him. Hard.
The rain that was once on his face flew off because of
the intensity of the slap. She gasped, not believing
what she had done.
He stood there, controlled. Slowly he reached out a
hand to caress her cheek one last time.
Time seemed to stop, giving him the privilege of
keeping this moment forever, treasured in his mind.
Her smooth silky skin beneath his palm, he fought
from breaking down. 'One last time...' he echoed in
his mind. "Good bye, Usa-ko," he said softly, turning
from her, walking away from her and into the rain. "I
wish it didn't have to be this way."
In the distance, lightening struck and thunder
rumbled loudly.
**
E-mail!! E-mail!!
Leluh40@aol.com
Leluh40@aol.com
Leluh40@aol.com
"Bittersweet"
By: Lelu
E-mail: Leluh40@yahoo.com
PG
1/3
[Disclaimer: x_X Do we really need to remind
ourselves that SM belongs to Naoko?]
*Part One*
*She snuggled against his chest, inhaling his scent.
Roses- it was always roses. Roses and cinnamon
clashing together, making him smell wonderfully
masculine. She was so lucky to have him in her life.
She glanced up when she felt his eyes upon her body.
"Usa-ko, what are you doing?"
Laughing- a sound that was so beautiful to Mamoru-
she replied, "I'm loving you right now. And I'm
possibly thinking about loving you for the rest of my
life." Reaching up with her hand, she stroked his
skin, tan and soft. "Aishiteru, Mamo-chan," she
whispered to him. "Even if you may not love me, I'll
always love you."
Reaching up, he took her hand and held it in his own,
his head descending to meet her lips. "Ne, Usa-
ko...The day when I stop loving you will *never*
*ever* come." And then their lips met in the sweetest
of caresses, sharing their love with each other. *
What a sweet moment that had been- what a happy
moment. When they were just concerned with being
together- being as close as they could to each other
with out stepping over the line. That afternoon had
been filled with passionate kisses, and vows of love,
most of them coming from her. He had only told her
that he had loved her once that afternoon, but it was
enough to keep her spirit alive- then. Now, her soul
was dying, withering. She had no one to hold her
anymore...no one to tell her that everything would be
alright....No one to love her as a lover would.
Drying her tears, Usagi thought bitterly, 'But the day
came, didn't it, Mamo-chan? You have stopped
loving me...or at least, you claim to have forgotten
our bond, our love You chose a dream...over me.'
She knew he had...She had known for a few days
now, for she had experienced the same dream he had
had. They had been broken up for nearly a month
now, and now she understood why. She wanted to
confront him, and perhaps she would. 'Someday
soon,' she promised to herself. Sighing, she wiped
back the tears and lay on her bed, staring up at the
ceiling, and then out the window. The moon shone in
all her glory, a pure white light bathing the planet of
Earth. She wanted to be like that, too. To be
beautiful, pure, and loving. But she couldn't be. Not
when Mamoru didn't love her anymore.
He stared down at the bed, not wanting to sleep. He
had broken up with her 3 weeks ago, and was still
haunted by the Dream. Every time he fell asleep, the
Dream would come back, full force. He hated the
night now. Hated what the Dream was doing to him-
what it was slowly doing to his and Usagi's love. The
Dream was tearing them apart, and he knew it- he
was the one who was causing it, after all. He refused
to believe that the Dream was nothing more than just
a dream. He knew that what he saw in it...
*They walked down the aisle in bliss, Usagi's eyes
sparkling happily. Mamoru looked down at her, a soft
smile on his face. "I can't believe it, Mamo-chan,"
she said softly. "Is this real? Have we really made it
this far?"
He chuckled softly as they neared the altar, pushing a
strand of blond hair that had fallen out of the hairdo,
behind her ear. "Hai, Usa-ko," he affirmed. "This is
real. We have made it. We have triumphed over the
hardest times, and we still have each other."
They turned away from each other, waiting for the
priest to begin his ceremony...but it never came.
Instead, the ground would open, and, to Mamoru's
horror, Usagi would be pulled away from every time.
No matter how hard his grip was around her body,
she would always be pulled away...into Death's
waiting arms.
"Chiba Mamoru...." The ominous voice would say.
"This is your destiny...If you do not stay away from
Tsukino Usagi, your Princess, this is her fate and
yours. Stay away from her if you care for her. If you
love her, you will protect her by keeping your
distance. Heed these words...and never forget."*
...would become real. And, as always, he would
wake up in a cold sweat- panting, afraid. Afraid for
what would happen to Usagi if they had stayed
together. He tried to ignore it for so many weeks,
pretending whenever he was with her that he had no
worries. But for everyday he was with her, the worse
the dream would become. The Dream would
intensify, the pressure would be harder on him. He
was so afraid for her...He was so scared to think of
what would really happen if they did end up being
married.
But oh Lord, how much he loved her. She was the
one who made him truly happy- made him feel truly
wanted. She was the light that penetrated through the
darkness that he had before...before he had met her.
She was so beautiful- spiritually, emotionally, and
physically. Those bright blue eyes held so many
secrets from the world, shared only with him. He
knew the doubts that she held; she was so afraid that
she wasn't a good enough leader. She was afraid that
she wasn't a good friend. And, most importantly, she
was afraid that he would stop loving her.
Mamoru still remembered the day she had confessed
that one fear to him. It had shocked him to the core,
for it was exactly the same fear that he held for her.
He was so terrified at the thought of losing her. If she
would find a man much better than he...And he knew
it was possible. After all, in his own eyes, Mamoru
was nothing. So what if he was the Prince of the
Earth? He *had* been the Prince of the Earth. And in
the future? What would he be then? His Usa-ko's
husband, while she ruled the people of the moon?
They had spoken together, quietly, and renewed their
love through their fear. They wanted, needed, each
other, and they promised that they would be together.
Forever.
He wanted to be with her no matter what the cost
was. But if the cost was her own death...
**Flashback**
*Mamoru had called Usagi, telling her to meet him at
the Crown. She had heard the heavy tone in his voice,
and had immediately asked, "Daijabou?"
"Daijabou," he replied. "Don't worry about me, Usa-
ko...Just get yourself to the Crown as fast as you can,
ne?"
She marred her eyebrows, unknown to him, and
hesitantly replied, "Hai, Mamo-chan. Demo, what is
so important? Can't you tell me over the phone?" She
held her breath.
"Iie, Usa-ko. I need to see you." 'You at least deserve
to hear this from in person...I can't be the coward
anymore,' he thought, clenching the phone so hard
that it was about to crack."
"Umm...okay then, Mamo-chan. I'll see you there in
about 5 minutes, okay? Aishite-"
Click.
He had hung up on her, not wanting to hear the words
that she had deemed him worthy to hear. He was
undeserving of her love now, if the cause of her death
was because she loved him. Closing his eyes, he
leaned against the back of the wall, trying to take
deep breaths. 'It's for the best,' he rationalized. 'She
won't get hurt this way.' Nodding his head, satisfied,
he opened the door and walked out, his stride sure
and confident.
But he had forgotten one little fact: She would get
hurt when she found out that the love of her
life...didn't want her anymore.
Usagi stared into the phone, confused. He hadn't even
stayed long enough to listen to her say good bye and
that she loved him. 'Good-bye', she absently thought.
'How harsh that word is.' Shaking her head, she
grabbed her jacket and headed out the door.
**Crown**
Mamoru arrived before she did, and was glad that
had happened. He wanted to sit down first, think
clearly, and plan how he was going to do this. On the
way here, during his walk, all he could think was,
'Why?' Who wanted him to know- to feel- the pain of
loneliness again? He thought he had been cured when
he had met Usagi, and he had. Those bright blue
eyes, the beautiful strands of blonde hair that seemed
endless, and those full red lips. Her soul was bright
and pure, never doubting for a second that evil could
totally corrupt a person. She trusted everyone, and in
return, everyone trusted her. Sighing, he sat down in
the first booth- the one closest to the door- and
waited patiently for her to come.
She arrived at the Crown in 10 minutes, waving to
Motoki who was serving a milkshake to a young
child. Glancing around the room, she spotted
Mamoru, who seemed like he was staring off into
space. 'That's odd,' she noted. 'He never does that
unless there's something really important on his
mind...' Absently shrugging her shoulders, she
walked over to him, kissing him lightly on the cheek.
"Hi, Mamo-chan," Usagi said, walking over to the
other side of the booth, sitting down across from him.
"I'm not late, am I?" When he didn't reply, she
repeated, "Am I?"
He wanted to look at her like this one more time. To
recapture this moment- how the sunlight was playing
in her hair, every strand highlighted, sparkling.
Porcelain face tilted slightly, blue eyes flitting across
his face, worried. He closed his eyes for a split
second, wondering just how he was going to find the
courage to do this.
*"Chiba Mamoru...." The ominous voice said,
ringing in his head. "This is your destiny...If you do
not stay away from Tsukino Usagi, your Princess,
this is her fate and yours. Stay away from her if you
care for her. If you love her, you will protect her by
keeping your distance. Heed these words...and never
forget."*
His eyes flew open, startling her. "Mamo-
chan...What's wrong?"
He had found his courage- his reason. It was so
simple- so heartbreakingly simple: Tell her you don't
love her and she lives. Drawing in a deep breath, he
braced himself for her reaction. Staring into her eyes,
he said, "Usagi...I need to tell you something." He
tried to ignore the hurt that was so obvious in her
eyes when he hadn't called her by his nickname.
"Usagi...I think that it would be best...if we didn't see
each other anymore." He tried to blurt it out quickly
so it would seem less fatal- for the both of them. But
when her breathing accelerated, and her hand went to
clench her shirt, he knew that it had hurt just as much
as it would have if he had went slowly.
"You..." she tried to breathe, to think. It seemed like
her whole body had shut down at the words he had
just spoken. She waited until her heart had stopped
beating so furiously, willing herself to speak.
"Mamo-chan...You want us...to....to break up?" Her
voice had cracked on the last word for she had never
thought she would have said those words- not now,
not ever.
Nodding, he affirmed it. "Hai...Usagi. We're
finished."
Again, she was speechless. 'We're finished...?' she
thought. 'Finished? How could we ever be...' But a
look into his hard indigo eyes proved that she was
wrong. 'We are through,' she thought numbly. 'Over.
Done with.' The muscles in her neck strained, her
eyes trying to hold back her tears. "Are you..." her
voice was above a whisper, pitiful even to her own
ears. "Are you sure...?" She blinked rapidly, feeling
her heart rise to her throat. "Is this what you truly
want?" She held her breath.
She was giving him one last chance, to prove that this
whole thing was a joke. Mamoru couldn't push the
image of her dying out of his head, nor could he ever
forget the image that Usagi was portraying. He had to
do this- for her. "Yes." His voice was strong, never
wavering. "I'm sure." He watched as a tear slipped
from under her dark lashes, wishing he could wipe
them away- wishing the he wasn't the one who had
caused the tears. "Gomen ne, Usagi...I just don't love
you anymore."
Her eyes widened. It had been horrible enough when
he said that he had wanted to break up- but now...he
was admitting that he didn't love her? Had he ever
truly loved her? Or had their whole relationship been
a facade? She didn't want to think; she didn't want to
know. Covering her face with her hands, she got up
and ran out the door, looking back only once.
His hands clenched the vinyl of the red booth,
cursing Fate, Destiny, and God. His whole body
nearly shook with rage, and all he wanted to do was
to run after her. But he wouldn't- he would be strong
for her. He would be strong for everything that she
had saved him from...but now, the emptiness was
back. He had fallen into a dark, black abyss of
nothingness- his Light was gone.*
**End Flashback**
...then what he had done was right. Sighing, he
pulled back the covers, and fell into a torturous sleep.
Usagi, in her room, made up her mind. She was going
to find him the next day, and whether or not he was
willing, she was going to make him decide. Too
exhausted to even pull up the blankets, curled up on
the bed and fall asleep...She, too, fell into a horror-
filled slumber...where Mamo-chan and she were a
couple, but when she woke, no longer.*
**The Next Day**
Usagi ran and ran, her feet pounding on the cemented
streets. She had to find him- to tell him that she
understood why he was doing this. She couldn't take
it any longer- her heart was slowly falling apart every
day. She couldn't stand living another day, if it meant
being apart from him. She missed everything about
him- the way he would push up his reading glasses
when they slipped from his nose. How he had always
plant a kiss on her forehead, shyly, when he thought
no one was looking. How he had always made her
feel warm, safe, and indomitable. She ran, with only
one clear thought in her mind: I must find him.
Mamoru looked up from the bench he was sitting on.
The sky was partly clear, but it was beginning to
darken. When his glance fell upon the far corner of
the horizon, dark clouds were gathering. Rain would
probably come in an hour or so, darkening this lovely
day. He shifted uncomfortably. Something inside him
felt...uneasy. Like something was going to happen,
and he wouldn't like it. Standing up, he stretched, his
limbs sore from sitting there all day. He didn't know
why he had- maybe he thought that he would have
run into Usagi...to see her again. 'It's been so long...I
wish I could hold her again.' The month had dragged
by so slowly, and it hurt him to see her- how her
body seemed so...worn. But he couldn't pity his
choice- his decision. As long as she lived, he was
fine. Who cared if he had to cry himself to sleep
every night? Or that the Dream still wouldn't go
away? It didn't matter- Not...one...bit.... He wiped a
tear away, and began to walk home.
She continued to run, eyes darting back and forth,
searching. Her lungs hurt, her feet hurt, but she didn't
care. Just as long as she found him, she would be
happy. Passing, she ran past the park, but didn't see
him there. She dodged a sign, and was about to take a
left when...She saw him. He was across the street,
walking slowly. She immediately stopped running,
catching her breath.
Plop.
She looked up, and noticed that it was beginning to
sprinkle lightly. She didn't care- just as long as she
could get to him in time, then everything would be
right. She dodged across the street, paying no heed to
the cars, or the horns that honked at her. But Mamoru
had noticed the sudden ruckus, and had stopped,
turned around. He watched this beautiful tenshi run
towards him, and he could almost swear that he saw
wings, and a golden light illuminating her whole
body.
"Mamo-chan!" she called out, nearing him. "Mamo-
chan...wait...Let me talk to you."
He fought his own demons as he waited for her- he
had decided to wait. He had missed hearing her
voice, and it would feel good to be near her again.
The rain fell harder, pounding on the pavement...
She finally caught up to him, chest heaving, cheeks
beautifully flushed. "I...Mamo..." Now that she was
finally here, she didn't know what to say. How could
she approach him now, the man who wasn't hers
anymore? She decided to go with the head on
confrontation- to give him another chance.
"Usagi," he said, voice rigid. "I don't have much time,
and as you can already see, the rain is getting heavier.
Tell me what you want, and then let me go."
'Let me go...'
She gasped softly- he didn't know how much impact
those words truly had on her. Eyes watering, Usagi
turned soft blue eyes to stare into his hard blue ones.
"Mamoru," she whispered, fighting back tears. "I
know why you're doing this to us...to me...to
yourself...But it's only a *dream* Mamoru...A god
forsaken dream." She reached out and touched his
sleeve briefly, the small contact sending shivers up
her spine. "But I'm real, Mamo-chan...I'm real and
waiting for you...But I can't wait forever. I can't be
tied down by the fact that I still love you, but you
don't love me...or are you lying?"
The raindrops continued to fall, her dark sooty lashes
coated with rain and her own tears. A haze
surrounded the two, semi-protecting them from the
rain. But her clothes slowly began to dampen, as did
his. They paid no attention to this, though, only to the
matter at hand.
He stared down at her, indifferent, and that nearly
broke her heart. "Don't you hear me, Mamoru?!" she
cried, shaking him. "Can't you understand what I'm
telling you?! You have to choose, damnit! Me or the
dream!"
Mamoru swallowed, blue eyes frigid. "I choose to
believe in the Dream, Usagi. The Dream tells me
what will happen in the future...and I can't risk your
death because of my feelings for you. I do love you,
Usag...Usa-ko. We just can't be together anymore-I
can't be with you... "
Her body stiffened- she couldn't believe what she was
hearing. He was going to leave her...to leave her heart
broken just for the stupid belief of his. Suddenly, her
hand began to shake with her anger. Usagi watched,
horrified, as she reached out and slapped him. Hard.
The rain that was once on his face flew off because of
the intensity of the slap. She gasped, not believing
what she had done.
He stood there, controlled. Slowly he reached out a
hand to caress her cheek one last time.
Time seemed to stop, giving him the privilege of
keeping this moment forever, treasured in his mind.
Her smooth silky skin beneath his palm, he fought
from breaking down. 'One last time...' he echoed in
his mind. "Good bye, Usa-ko," he said softly, turning
from her, walking away from her and into the rain. "I
wish it didn't have to be this way."
In the distance, lightening struck and thunder
rumbled loudly.
**
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