11/15/00
"Bittersweet"
By: Lelu
E-mail: Leluh40@yahoo.com
PG
2/3
[Disclaimer: x_X Do we really need to remind
ourselves that SM belongs to Naoko?]
*Part Two*
'Kuso!' He slammed his fist into the wall, not feeling
the pain shoot up his arm. He had just turned her
away, and now it was final. Any hopes of being
together again would not surface, and he would
always be alone. Forever. If he couldn't have Usagi,
then he would have no one else. After the
confrontation that had taken place but 5 minutes ago,
he had stormed home, wanting nothing more than to
take his anger out on some inanimate object. He
walked over to the doors that would lead him out to
the balcony, placing his head against the coolness of
the window.
'Cold,' he thought absently. 'Like how my heart will
have to be towards her from now on…' Abruptly, he
straightened. He couldn't be like that to her, could he?
For the past 3 weeks, he had merely avoided her,
trying not to lead her on in anyway. But the look in
her eyes…He had seen determination, and his best
guess was that she was not going to give up, no
matter how hard it would be to gain the prize back-
him. He smiled at the thought, his heart felt warm
and alive. She loved him, too…she was willing to go
through so much to be with him- to be in pain
because she thought that he no longer loved her,
when he really did. 'Kami,' he thought angrily. 'Why
does everything have to be so damn complicated?'
He didn't understand why the Fates were against
them- after all, hadn't they saved the destinies of
humankind so many times already? All he ever truly
wanted…he could not have. And because it was he
who was having the dream…Maybe he was
cursed…maybe they should have never been together
in the first place. How could he ever be worthy
enough for her? But he knew that in her eyes…he
was, and that was all that mattered. These self-doubts
could be erased by one smile from her- his problems
could vanish by a simple kiss. And now…?
'Now…every burden will return, the pain one-
hundred fold.' And with that, he opened the door to
the balcony and stepped outside, letting the rain
caress his skin, soak through his clothing- to allow
the rain to take him in and to cleanse him for the
troubled times ahead.
She sobbed into her pillow, tears sliding down her
cheeks and onto the covers of the bed. 'Doushite?'
she wanted to scream aloud. 'Why would he choose a
dream…over me?' Now in the weeks before, she
could have understood why he wouldn't have wanted
her- Ditz, crybaby, klutz, whiner... These were the
reasons she held onto- never would she have gone far
enough to imagine that he would have left her for a
dream. Another woman, maybe she could understand
that. Someone who would be sophisticated enough
for Mamoru, who would be able to hold an intelligent
conversation with him without wanting to leave. But
to be dumped…for a dream? That was unthinkable-
unbearable. A dream was not real- an event that
occurred when one was asleep. And it was
humiliating to even think that he would chose an
image- a phantom dream- over her, someone who
was real and breathing.
'Who cares about the future?' she thought angrily,
sitting up and clutching the pillow to her chest. 'We
should live for today- not for the past or for the
future. The choices we make should be only based
upon what we feel and what we know…' But she had
given him that choice, hadn't she? She had blatantly
told him to choose- to choose what he wanted to
believe in. And she had lost…she had lost to an
intangible…thing. He was stubborn enough to
believe the dream. The dream, she had admitted to
herself before, was frightening- in fact, she had
woken up sobbing, and Luna had been frantically
worried, asking her what was wrong.
"Nothing," she had replied, feigning a yawn. "Go
back to sleep, neko-chan…Morning will come soon,
and with it a new day." She lay back down,
stretching, before closing her eyes once more.
'Goodnight, Mamo-chan,' she thought. 'Aishiteru.'
And now, she had nothing to live for- nothing but the
hopes that he would come to his senses and realize
that she still loved him, and that at least *she* would
not be taken in by some dream. She refused to
believe in it- after all, even if this was naïve, how
could any harm come to them when they were with
each other? She was determined to win him back…to
make him see what she already knew; she would not
give up- she would *not* give up on her lover, the
man who held her heart in his hands. She knew he
would resist her tries, but she was prepared for that.
She *knew* she could win him over- after all, he did
still love her…right?
** 1 Week Later**
Mamoru walked home wearily, keeping a lookout for
any blonde-haired odango-ed girls. He had to be very
cautious now- he couldn't risk running into her. He
didn't know how long he could hold out- but he did
know that he would try his best to. The thought of
having Usagi in his arms again- to have her place
kisses on his lips- was very tempting…but anytime
he would be caught up reminiscing, that damned
voice would reappear in his mind, warning him what
he had said for the past month. And then, Mamoru's
resolve would become stronger, fortified because of
that one image of Usagi's death. Sighing, he looked
up into the sky, wishing- for what must have been the
millionth time- that Usagi could really be an
angel…Such a beauty didn't deserve such pain…And
then he went crashing to the ground, a heavy weight
on his stomach. Closing his eyes, he braced himself
for what would come.
"G..gomen nas…nasai, Mamo-chan," Usagi stuttered,
cursing herself for her own stupidity. Hadn't it been
just this morning that she had promised herself that
she was going to be more careful? That she was
going to be more sophisticated, more studious,
more…She bit her lip from keeping the tears from
falling again. She wanted to be more…like…anyone
who Mamoru liked.
His eyes narrowed up at her, the silver-blue tints in
his eyes turning sapphire. "Usagi," he said, a bit more
sharply than he had intended to, cringing as he saw
her withdraw, "Such incidents like this can be
avoided; in the future, I hope that you can be a little
more observant."
Her temper flared- how dare he blame this on her.
"Mamo-chan!" she exclaimed angrily, not caring
what position they were still in- he laying on the
ground, and she, pushing on her arms to keep herself
up. "Don't you dare say this is my fault," she said.
"It's your fault as much as it is mine."
She was right, he thought, all the while glowering at
her. She was always right. But he wouldn't let his
guard down- he wouldn't fail this test. "Usagi."
Biting words spilled from his mouth. "Get the hell off
me." He realized that what he said had been a
mistake by her sharp gasp- the tears rushing to her
eyes, threatening to spill over.
"I…Mamo…" She was shocked, horrified, and any
other word that could express how she was feeling.
How could he have been so loving towards her
before, but so cold now? He had admitted before that
he still loved her…she could still feel his hand
pressed so lovingly to her face. Absently, she reached
up to touch the place where his hand had been, so
long ago.
He watched, shocked. How could she still be so soft-
so kind- after he had been so harsh? But then again,
he reasoned, wasn't that exactly how he had been?
He had loved her one-day, and the next, had claimed
that he hadn't- but now, she knew. She *knew* he
still loved her…he had told her a week ago, in a fit of
passionate longing. He couldn't deny his
feelings…but he could pretend that they no longer
existed. "Usagi," he said, his voice harsh, "if you're
still harboring hopes that I love you- like I had said-
you…you're wrong! I don't! Now get off of me."
Eyes widening, she gasped, hands rushing to clamp
over her mouth. 'He…he had lied to her?' She looked
at him, digging into the depths of his eyes to see if
she could detect any deceit…and she didn't. He was
telling the truth…He didn't love her anymore.
Crystal blue eyes faded away to dull blue, the shade
frightening pale- Mamoru saw, but refused to do
anything- but he wanted to. He wanted to help her
up- to crush her in his embrace, to kiss away her
tears, and to tell her everything would be all
right…But he couldn't. He wouldn't.
Slowly, she stood, her hair brushing against his
hands accidentally- and he nearly wanted to cry from
the softness of it- how he had missed running his
hand through the abundant wealth of it…how he had
missed her sweet lips, her beautiful voice, and…her.
He watched as she hesitantly reached out her hand to
help him up…and watched as the tears- still in her
eyes- ran down her cheeks when he refused, pushing
himself up. "I must go," he said, ignoring how the
last lights of sun played in her hair, around her
body…in her tears. "Sayonara."
'Sayonara,' she echoed in her mind, watching him
walk away from her yet again. 'He…This is
goodbye…' And her legs nearly collapsed from
under her. 'This is final…' She didn't want to give up
on him- she *knew* that she could change his
mind…but…she wouldn't. If this was what he truly
wanted- if he wanted another girl- then she would let
him go…
"Sayonara, Mamoru-san," she whispered…and
walked away.
He walked home, tears flowing freely. He didn't even
bother to wipe them away- let the world know his
sorrow, he thought. He could barely walk into his
apartment. Looking at the clock, it was 9:30pm. He
had, he supposed, just walked around the city, trying
to clear his mind…He looked at the bed- soft,
inviting. But he knew it wasn't real- he knew what
would happen as soon as he laid down to sleep…But
he did it anyway…and dreamed.
It was 1AM, and still he slept. A cool breeze from the
open window by his bed flitted across his face,
making him pull up the covers unconsciously. He
was Dreaming again… His forehead creased and
beads of sweat formed on the crown of his head, the
intensity of his dream showing. He had already seen
the wedding scene- seen Usagi being swept from his
arms, just as she had been every night, and
dying…all because of him. And then the voice came
again.
Chiba Mamoru…." The ominous voice said. "This is
your destiny…If you do not stay away from Tsukino
Usagi, your Princess, this is her fate and yours. Stay
away from her if you care for her. If you love her,
you will protect her by keeping your distance. Heed
these words…and never forget."
"Iie!" He shouted. "Who are you? Why are you doing
this to us?" He fell to his knees, cradling his head in
his hands, tears filling his eyes. He wiped away the
tears, unwilling to show such sadness. "Who *are*
you?!" he screamed once again. "Tell me!" And he
collapsed onto the ground, crying out everything that
had been pent up for so long. He loved her so
much…he loved her to the brink of death, which he
had crossed already. And suddenly, he felt eyes upon
him- warm, sympathetic eyes. Looking up slowly, he
met magenta-colored eyes, staring down at him in
pity.
She was wearing a fuku and holding a key that had an
orb in it. Her long green-black hair was pulled half
back, neatly twisting into a bun. She was tan- very
tan. Mamoru jumped up immediately, taking a
fighter's stance, ignoring the fact that she was
wearing the outfit of a senshi.
"Who are you?" he demanded, eyes like crystal
shards. "What do you want?"
She arched her eyebrows in slight amusement,
bowing low at the waist. "Hello, Mamoru," she
replied, in a deep voice. "Or should I say Tuxedo
Kamen…or maybe Endymion?"
She was taunting him- he knew it. But how the hell
did she know who he was? Who he had been? He
didn't like her, this stranger. He didn't like how her
eyes bore into him so knowingly- like she held all the
secrets of the universe…and then it clicked. *She*
must have been the one who was sending him these
dreams. It was *she* who was causing him all this
trouble. "Kuso…" he growled, lashing out at her, his
fists flying. "It is you! You are the one…" he stopped
talking, focusing all his energy into the one single
task of hitting her. But she was good- she was
graceful and alert. She easily sidestepped and dodged
his punches, which were not well aimed because of
his anger. And suddenly, his energy- so intense was
it- caused his body to begin to glow a golden
color…and he stopped his attacks, closing his eyes,
focusing all his anger- all of his emotions- onto this
one elusive woman. A bright golden beam shot out
from his body, nearly hitting the mysterious woman-
but she managed to reflect the onslaught by merely
holding out her staff.
"Iie, Prince," she said, her voice strained. "Matte."
Sailor Pluto was not happy; she knew that the past
self of the king was very hotheaded, but she…she
didn't care. Ever since the Neo-King had sent the
Dream to Mamoru, she had been so angry at him. She
didn't understand why he had wanted to do that- they
all knew that their love was strong. But, she had
supposed, she could partially understand why he
would have wanted to do it- for his own selfish
reasons. And because he wanted to satisfy his own
knowledge, he was going to make his past self suffer.
'What a selfish son-of-a- ACK!' Pluto had to duck
yet another punch that the enraged Mamoru had
thrown. Growling low in her throat, she commanded,
"Stop."
And he did.
He stopped because he was so tired…he was so sick
of everything that was happening in his life- not to
mention that because of the fact that he couldn't hit
this woman was very frustrating. He knelt over,
placing his hands on his knees for support, breathing
heavily. Raising sorrowful blue eyes to meet her
own, he whispered one word.
"Doushite?"
Just *one* word, but it shook her to the core. Perhaps
it wasn't the word, but the reasons for the word- the
shocking penetration of his weary blue eyes, digging
for an answer. Softly- so soft, she didn't even
recognize her own voice- she said, "Prince, it is not I
who sends you these dreams."
He straightened sharply, eyes narrowed again. "Who
are you," he whispered, his heart bleeding, "to know
of these things? Why," he continued, his voice
growing louder in his anger, "do you have the
privilege of knowing who it is that sends me these
god-forsaken Dreams, when *I*, myself, don't even
know why?!" The air vibrated with his speech, with
his agony. "Why the hell is this person doing this to
me?" he shouted, fists clenched, eyes shut tight.
"Why do they want to do this to me?"
"Prince…" she whispered, one hand coming to cover
her mouth, her fear of sobbing at the anguish his soul
was radiating. She could see what this dream was
doing to him- not only externally, but internally. His
soul was dry, worn, tortured She knew he didn't want
to live anymore- not if he couldn't have Usagi-
hime…She knew about his past, she knew about his
present, and she knew what his future was- what it
could become. His place was by Usagi's side, but if
he didn't realize soon that this dream was a test…the
happy future would cease to exist.
Pluto had entered Mamoru's dream with one wave of
her Time Staff. The King, of course, did not know
about this rendezvous- in fact, she was scared to see
him when he did find out. But she couldn't stand to
see Mamoru go through this- it was hard for her.
Pluto had seen them go through so much together
.The fall of the Moon Kingdom, the re-birth, the
fateful meeting with the test paper…the mock fights,
Usagi's pain when she had lost Mamoru to the Dark
Kingdom, never thinking that they could be together.
Pluto had been there- she had watched, helpless. And
it hurt her, too. To see these two people that she
loved so much- she respected so much- be hurt, over
and over again. And just when they thought that they
could finally be together again…It was not be, just
because of the King's stupid and selfish desire.
She placed two fingers to her temple and began to
rub, her eyes beginning to fill with tears. 'I must do
this,' she thought. 'The King will curse himself if
Mamoru never knows the truth…if he does go on like
this…he will die.' "Mamoru," she said, raising now
dry eyes to him. "Allow me to introduce myself." She
bowed again, dark strands of hair falling over her
shoulder. "I am Sailor Pluto, the guardian of Time. I
see the past, present, and the many roads of the
future." Magenta eyes bore into his own. "I know
all," she said, arching an eyebrow as a challenge.
He stood there, shocked. There were more senshi- but
of course there were. There had to be one for each
planet…but still, it was still odd to see another
senshi- and this one was noticeably older than the
five back on Earth- wait…He was sleeping- how had
she entered his dream? There was no more time to
reflect on this- he had to know who had sent these
dreams to him- who had wanted to see him suffer so
much. He swallowed, and asked, his voice hoarse,
"Who?"
She understood what he meant, and answered as
simple as she could. "You, Mamoru." At his shocked
look, she hastened to correct herself. "Your future
self, Mamoru…The Neo-King…The one who will
rule at the side of Neo-Queen Serenity."
'The one who will rule at the side of Neo-Queen
Serenity…' These words played in his mind, and he
felt something- Hope. Hope was unfolding in his
heart, a new shine to wear away the darkness. "I…"
he tried to speak, but couldn't. Everything was going
to be all right. He would be with Usagi in the future,
which meant that everything would work out fine.
But still, there was one more thing he had to
know…"Why?"
Pluto braced herself at the outrage she knew would
come. "He wanted to see some things for himself.
The King…he wanted to know if you could
overcome this…" she searched for the word, "test. A
test of true love."
His eyes widened, fists clenched, a sharp intake of
breath. "He WHAT?!" he roared. "He wanted…to
see if we could pass a test?! A meaningless *test*?!
Well why don't you convey this message to him,"
Mamoru growled out, ready to pounce on any hapless
object, but restraining himself. "Tell him that if *he*
truly loved Usagi- his wife- then he would have
*never* put us through this test. He should know
how much we love each other- how much I love her
and how much *she*…she loves me." His voice had
faltered at the end, and Pluto immediately grabbed at
the insecurity in his voice.
"You're unsure, aren't you?" she said, serious.
"You're not sure if Usagi loves you- if she ever did
love you, isn't that right?" She didn't let him answer,
knowing that she was right. "And you see? You have
doubts about her love for you- you, too, wonder if…"
"Please…don't say it…" He had heard as much as he
could- these accusations about himself. He didn't
need to hear this from a person he didn't' even know-
a stranger. What gave her the right to know these
things? His insecurities- 'doubts' as she had called
them.
"And so you see now, Mamoru?" Her voice was soft,
not wanting to hurt him anymore. "Your future
self…is you. And no matter how much time will
pass, you will still doubt her love for you. You think
you will never understand why she loves you- you
don't want to know if her affections- her feelings- are
real." Her body began to shake with hidden tears.
"But you know what, Mamoru? *Mamo-chan*?" she
said, her voice sarcastic. "She does love you- and at
least you have someone who can and will love you."
She turned around, hiding the tears that were sliding
down her face. "You will never be lonely if you don't
doubt her. You will always have someone…unlike
me." The last part was whispered. "Now go,
Prince…Right your wrong, and know that this dream
of yours…is not real. She will not die…as long as
you are by her side."
"Wait, Pluto!"
But she waved her staff, ignoring his pleas for her to
stop. She needed to be alone…Like she always was.
Raising dark magenta eyes, she surveyed the area in
front of her. Cold gray mist…swirling around and
around and around…It was quiet- always quiet…but
now, the tranquility was disturbed by the always-
harsh sound of crying…Pluto's cries echoed off the
non-existent walls and disappeared into the grayness.
Mamoru woke up, beads of sweat around his
forehead. He knew now- he knew the truth, and
now…now, he could return to her, be happy again,
and love her again. Smiling gently, he lay back down
onto the bed, and slept…without any dreams to haunt
him.
**The Next Morning**
He ran the streets of Tokyo, searching for her. The
sun was shining brightly, a blue sky filled with
cotton-candied clouds. Birds sang cheerfully, and the
flowers were blooming, softening the 'hard' smell of
Tokyo. He paid no heed to this however- he just
wanted to find Usagi, his love. He still couldn't
believe that he had been so ignorant- so dumb. Now,
when he looked back, he wanted to kill himself for
the stupid reasons that he had made up for breaking
up with her. Ever since Pluto had come to him, he
had known that he had to find her.
'THERE!'
There she was, sitting on a bench, waiting for the bus.
He stopped running, watching as she pressed her
finger to her lips, trying to understand the book she
was reading. He nearly fell down with that one act-
how perfect that act was…She knew how to make
him feel so topsy-turvy without even trying. And then
he realized that he had to talk to her- he had to be
with her again…he couldn't wait any longer.
"Usa-ko!"
She turned her head sharply, hearing her name being
called out by him, and stood up. She waited for him,
watching him run up to her. God, he looked beautiful,
she thought, her heart wrenching- her mouth
becoming dry. She didn't want to do what she knew
she had to…She knew why he had called her name-
why he had decided to finally choose her. She had
witnessed last night's dream; Pluto had appeared in
Mamoru's precious dream to warn him against what
would happen- how this whole 'dream' was merely a
test, given by Neo-King Endymion.
"Usa-ko."
He was here now, watching her, blue eyes staring
with such intensity that it made her want to blush.
She dropped the book, the pages fluttering in the
wind. Turning her head away, she softly replied,
"What do you want, Mamoru?"
"Usa-ko, I realized something last night…" He
stepped closer to her, his voice earnest, his heart
beating rapidly. "This new senshi…she appeared in
my Dream…she told me that-"
"That it was a test, right? The dream was
nothing…made-up?" she whispered, head bowed.
"And let me guess…you want me back now, right?
Now that you know that your dream isn't real, you've
come back to me, thinking that I will just gladly
accept you? And forget the pain you had caused?"
She had lifted her head, eyes blazing…soften by the
tears. But she refused to let them fall, refused to let
him see them.
"I…" In all truth, he had thought that. He had thought
that she would return to him. "Demo, Usa-ko-"
"Don't!" she said sharply. "Don't you *dare* call me
that- you will *never* call me that again, do you
understand? You had your chance, Mamoru, when I
asked you what you wanted. But you blew it…You
told me you would chose *it* over me. You chose
your dream over your girlfriend- or should I say," she
said, sarcasm flying, "your ex-girlfriend?" Laughing
bitterly, she shook her head. "Oh, Mamoru…how
foolish you can be sometimes."
He was helpless- he could not do anything but to
listen to her…These words- they stung so much, but
he knew they were true. He loved her, though. And
he would be willing to do anything to get her back…
She had read his thoughts. "I say this again, Mamoru.
Never again…The past is forgotten, the future is
ahead of us." She watched his tears fall, and clenched
her fists. She didn't want to see him cry- she did love
him, but if this was how it was to be…If he would,
during any adversity, chose the other over her…she
would not tolerate it. "Good bye, Mamo-chan," she
said, taking a step closer, trying to avoid his soul-
searching gaze. Wrapping her arms around his neck,
she pulled his head down, sealing their lips in a kiss.
The passion was short-lived, though, for she pulled
back nearly the moment she had joined their lips
together. She uncrossed her arms and brought them
down to her side, turning away. Echoing his words,
she said slowly, her voice taut with tears, "I wish it
didn't have to be this way." And she began to walk
away, never once looking back. There was a new
future to look forward to, and whether or not she
wanted it to be that way, she would have to learn to
live…without him.
The sun shone brightly overhead, bathing Tokyo with
its love and warmth, oblivious of the tears and the
pain of the two young lovers. Day continued to wait
for Night, which would cleanse the earth of all the
hurt that Day had caused; Night would signal a new
beginning- or, perhaps, an end.
**
E-mail!! E-mail!!
[coughs] I mean, 'E-mail, please?'
leluh40@yahoo.com
"Bittersweet"
By: Lelu
E-mail: Leluh40@yahoo.com
PG
2/3
[Disclaimer: x_X Do we really need to remind
ourselves that SM belongs to Naoko?]
*Part Two*
'Kuso!' He slammed his fist into the wall, not feeling
the pain shoot up his arm. He had just turned her
away, and now it was final. Any hopes of being
together again would not surface, and he would
always be alone. Forever. If he couldn't have Usagi,
then he would have no one else. After the
confrontation that had taken place but 5 minutes ago,
he had stormed home, wanting nothing more than to
take his anger out on some inanimate object. He
walked over to the doors that would lead him out to
the balcony, placing his head against the coolness of
the window.
'Cold,' he thought absently. 'Like how my heart will
have to be towards her from now on…' Abruptly, he
straightened. He couldn't be like that to her, could he?
For the past 3 weeks, he had merely avoided her,
trying not to lead her on in anyway. But the look in
her eyes…He had seen determination, and his best
guess was that she was not going to give up, no
matter how hard it would be to gain the prize back-
him. He smiled at the thought, his heart felt warm
and alive. She loved him, too…she was willing to go
through so much to be with him- to be in pain
because she thought that he no longer loved her,
when he really did. 'Kami,' he thought angrily. 'Why
does everything have to be so damn complicated?'
He didn't understand why the Fates were against
them- after all, hadn't they saved the destinies of
humankind so many times already? All he ever truly
wanted…he could not have. And because it was he
who was having the dream…Maybe he was
cursed…maybe they should have never been together
in the first place. How could he ever be worthy
enough for her? But he knew that in her eyes…he
was, and that was all that mattered. These self-doubts
could be erased by one smile from her- his problems
could vanish by a simple kiss. And now…?
'Now…every burden will return, the pain one-
hundred fold.' And with that, he opened the door to
the balcony and stepped outside, letting the rain
caress his skin, soak through his clothing- to allow
the rain to take him in and to cleanse him for the
troubled times ahead.
She sobbed into her pillow, tears sliding down her
cheeks and onto the covers of the bed. 'Doushite?'
she wanted to scream aloud. 'Why would he choose a
dream…over me?' Now in the weeks before, she
could have understood why he wouldn't have wanted
her- Ditz, crybaby, klutz, whiner... These were the
reasons she held onto- never would she have gone far
enough to imagine that he would have left her for a
dream. Another woman, maybe she could understand
that. Someone who would be sophisticated enough
for Mamoru, who would be able to hold an intelligent
conversation with him without wanting to leave. But
to be dumped…for a dream? That was unthinkable-
unbearable. A dream was not real- an event that
occurred when one was asleep. And it was
humiliating to even think that he would chose an
image- a phantom dream- over her, someone who
was real and breathing.
'Who cares about the future?' she thought angrily,
sitting up and clutching the pillow to her chest. 'We
should live for today- not for the past or for the
future. The choices we make should be only based
upon what we feel and what we know…' But she had
given him that choice, hadn't she? She had blatantly
told him to choose- to choose what he wanted to
believe in. And she had lost…she had lost to an
intangible…thing. He was stubborn enough to
believe the dream. The dream, she had admitted to
herself before, was frightening- in fact, she had
woken up sobbing, and Luna had been frantically
worried, asking her what was wrong.
"Nothing," she had replied, feigning a yawn. "Go
back to sleep, neko-chan…Morning will come soon,
and with it a new day." She lay back down,
stretching, before closing her eyes once more.
'Goodnight, Mamo-chan,' she thought. 'Aishiteru.'
And now, she had nothing to live for- nothing but the
hopes that he would come to his senses and realize
that she still loved him, and that at least *she* would
not be taken in by some dream. She refused to
believe in it- after all, even if this was naïve, how
could any harm come to them when they were with
each other? She was determined to win him back…to
make him see what she already knew; she would not
give up- she would *not* give up on her lover, the
man who held her heart in his hands. She knew he
would resist her tries, but she was prepared for that.
She *knew* she could win him over- after all, he did
still love her…right?
** 1 Week Later**
Mamoru walked home wearily, keeping a lookout for
any blonde-haired odango-ed girls. He had to be very
cautious now- he couldn't risk running into her. He
didn't know how long he could hold out- but he did
know that he would try his best to. The thought of
having Usagi in his arms again- to have her place
kisses on his lips- was very tempting…but anytime
he would be caught up reminiscing, that damned
voice would reappear in his mind, warning him what
he had said for the past month. And then, Mamoru's
resolve would become stronger, fortified because of
that one image of Usagi's death. Sighing, he looked
up into the sky, wishing- for what must have been the
millionth time- that Usagi could really be an
angel…Such a beauty didn't deserve such pain…And
then he went crashing to the ground, a heavy weight
on his stomach. Closing his eyes, he braced himself
for what would come.
"G..gomen nas…nasai, Mamo-chan," Usagi stuttered,
cursing herself for her own stupidity. Hadn't it been
just this morning that she had promised herself that
she was going to be more careful? That she was
going to be more sophisticated, more studious,
more…She bit her lip from keeping the tears from
falling again. She wanted to be more…like…anyone
who Mamoru liked.
His eyes narrowed up at her, the silver-blue tints in
his eyes turning sapphire. "Usagi," he said, a bit more
sharply than he had intended to, cringing as he saw
her withdraw, "Such incidents like this can be
avoided; in the future, I hope that you can be a little
more observant."
Her temper flared- how dare he blame this on her.
"Mamo-chan!" she exclaimed angrily, not caring
what position they were still in- he laying on the
ground, and she, pushing on her arms to keep herself
up. "Don't you dare say this is my fault," she said.
"It's your fault as much as it is mine."
She was right, he thought, all the while glowering at
her. She was always right. But he wouldn't let his
guard down- he wouldn't fail this test. "Usagi."
Biting words spilled from his mouth. "Get the hell off
me." He realized that what he said had been a
mistake by her sharp gasp- the tears rushing to her
eyes, threatening to spill over.
"I…Mamo…" She was shocked, horrified, and any
other word that could express how she was feeling.
How could he have been so loving towards her
before, but so cold now? He had admitted before that
he still loved her…she could still feel his hand
pressed so lovingly to her face. Absently, she reached
up to touch the place where his hand had been, so
long ago.
He watched, shocked. How could she still be so soft-
so kind- after he had been so harsh? But then again,
he reasoned, wasn't that exactly how he had been?
He had loved her one-day, and the next, had claimed
that he hadn't- but now, she knew. She *knew* he
still loved her…he had told her a week ago, in a fit of
passionate longing. He couldn't deny his
feelings…but he could pretend that they no longer
existed. "Usagi," he said, his voice harsh, "if you're
still harboring hopes that I love you- like I had said-
you…you're wrong! I don't! Now get off of me."
Eyes widening, she gasped, hands rushing to clamp
over her mouth. 'He…he had lied to her?' She looked
at him, digging into the depths of his eyes to see if
she could detect any deceit…and she didn't. He was
telling the truth…He didn't love her anymore.
Crystal blue eyes faded away to dull blue, the shade
frightening pale- Mamoru saw, but refused to do
anything- but he wanted to. He wanted to help her
up- to crush her in his embrace, to kiss away her
tears, and to tell her everything would be all
right…But he couldn't. He wouldn't.
Slowly, she stood, her hair brushing against his
hands accidentally- and he nearly wanted to cry from
the softness of it- how he had missed running his
hand through the abundant wealth of it…how he had
missed her sweet lips, her beautiful voice, and…her.
He watched as she hesitantly reached out her hand to
help him up…and watched as the tears- still in her
eyes- ran down her cheeks when he refused, pushing
himself up. "I must go," he said, ignoring how the
last lights of sun played in her hair, around her
body…in her tears. "Sayonara."
'Sayonara,' she echoed in her mind, watching him
walk away from her yet again. 'He…This is
goodbye…' And her legs nearly collapsed from
under her. 'This is final…' She didn't want to give up
on him- she *knew* that she could change his
mind…but…she wouldn't. If this was what he truly
wanted- if he wanted another girl- then she would let
him go…
"Sayonara, Mamoru-san," she whispered…and
walked away.
He walked home, tears flowing freely. He didn't even
bother to wipe them away- let the world know his
sorrow, he thought. He could barely walk into his
apartment. Looking at the clock, it was 9:30pm. He
had, he supposed, just walked around the city, trying
to clear his mind…He looked at the bed- soft,
inviting. But he knew it wasn't real- he knew what
would happen as soon as he laid down to sleep…But
he did it anyway…and dreamed.
It was 1AM, and still he slept. A cool breeze from the
open window by his bed flitted across his face,
making him pull up the covers unconsciously. He
was Dreaming again… His forehead creased and
beads of sweat formed on the crown of his head, the
intensity of his dream showing. He had already seen
the wedding scene- seen Usagi being swept from his
arms, just as she had been every night, and
dying…all because of him. And then the voice came
again.
Chiba Mamoru…." The ominous voice said. "This is
your destiny…If you do not stay away from Tsukino
Usagi, your Princess, this is her fate and yours. Stay
away from her if you care for her. If you love her,
you will protect her by keeping your distance. Heed
these words…and never forget."
"Iie!" He shouted. "Who are you? Why are you doing
this to us?" He fell to his knees, cradling his head in
his hands, tears filling his eyes. He wiped away the
tears, unwilling to show such sadness. "Who *are*
you?!" he screamed once again. "Tell me!" And he
collapsed onto the ground, crying out everything that
had been pent up for so long. He loved her so
much…he loved her to the brink of death, which he
had crossed already. And suddenly, he felt eyes upon
him- warm, sympathetic eyes. Looking up slowly, he
met magenta-colored eyes, staring down at him in
pity.
She was wearing a fuku and holding a key that had an
orb in it. Her long green-black hair was pulled half
back, neatly twisting into a bun. She was tan- very
tan. Mamoru jumped up immediately, taking a
fighter's stance, ignoring the fact that she was
wearing the outfit of a senshi.
"Who are you?" he demanded, eyes like crystal
shards. "What do you want?"
She arched her eyebrows in slight amusement,
bowing low at the waist. "Hello, Mamoru," she
replied, in a deep voice. "Or should I say Tuxedo
Kamen…or maybe Endymion?"
She was taunting him- he knew it. But how the hell
did she know who he was? Who he had been? He
didn't like her, this stranger. He didn't like how her
eyes bore into him so knowingly- like she held all the
secrets of the universe…and then it clicked. *She*
must have been the one who was sending him these
dreams. It was *she* who was causing him all this
trouble. "Kuso…" he growled, lashing out at her, his
fists flying. "It is you! You are the one…" he stopped
talking, focusing all his energy into the one single
task of hitting her. But she was good- she was
graceful and alert. She easily sidestepped and dodged
his punches, which were not well aimed because of
his anger. And suddenly, his energy- so intense was
it- caused his body to begin to glow a golden
color…and he stopped his attacks, closing his eyes,
focusing all his anger- all of his emotions- onto this
one elusive woman. A bright golden beam shot out
from his body, nearly hitting the mysterious woman-
but she managed to reflect the onslaught by merely
holding out her staff.
"Iie, Prince," she said, her voice strained. "Matte."
Sailor Pluto was not happy; she knew that the past
self of the king was very hotheaded, but she…she
didn't care. Ever since the Neo-King had sent the
Dream to Mamoru, she had been so angry at him. She
didn't understand why he had wanted to do that- they
all knew that their love was strong. But, she had
supposed, she could partially understand why he
would have wanted to do it- for his own selfish
reasons. And because he wanted to satisfy his own
knowledge, he was going to make his past self suffer.
'What a selfish son-of-a- ACK!' Pluto had to duck
yet another punch that the enraged Mamoru had
thrown. Growling low in her throat, she commanded,
"Stop."
And he did.
He stopped because he was so tired…he was so sick
of everything that was happening in his life- not to
mention that because of the fact that he couldn't hit
this woman was very frustrating. He knelt over,
placing his hands on his knees for support, breathing
heavily. Raising sorrowful blue eyes to meet her
own, he whispered one word.
"Doushite?"
Just *one* word, but it shook her to the core. Perhaps
it wasn't the word, but the reasons for the word- the
shocking penetration of his weary blue eyes, digging
for an answer. Softly- so soft, she didn't even
recognize her own voice- she said, "Prince, it is not I
who sends you these dreams."
He straightened sharply, eyes narrowed again. "Who
are you," he whispered, his heart bleeding, "to know
of these things? Why," he continued, his voice
growing louder in his anger, "do you have the
privilege of knowing who it is that sends me these
god-forsaken Dreams, when *I*, myself, don't even
know why?!" The air vibrated with his speech, with
his agony. "Why the hell is this person doing this to
me?" he shouted, fists clenched, eyes shut tight.
"Why do they want to do this to me?"
"Prince…" she whispered, one hand coming to cover
her mouth, her fear of sobbing at the anguish his soul
was radiating. She could see what this dream was
doing to him- not only externally, but internally. His
soul was dry, worn, tortured She knew he didn't want
to live anymore- not if he couldn't have Usagi-
hime…She knew about his past, she knew about his
present, and she knew what his future was- what it
could become. His place was by Usagi's side, but if
he didn't realize soon that this dream was a test…the
happy future would cease to exist.
Pluto had entered Mamoru's dream with one wave of
her Time Staff. The King, of course, did not know
about this rendezvous- in fact, she was scared to see
him when he did find out. But she couldn't stand to
see Mamoru go through this- it was hard for her.
Pluto had seen them go through so much together
.The fall of the Moon Kingdom, the re-birth, the
fateful meeting with the test paper…the mock fights,
Usagi's pain when she had lost Mamoru to the Dark
Kingdom, never thinking that they could be together.
Pluto had been there- she had watched, helpless. And
it hurt her, too. To see these two people that she
loved so much- she respected so much- be hurt, over
and over again. And just when they thought that they
could finally be together again…It was not be, just
because of the King's stupid and selfish desire.
She placed two fingers to her temple and began to
rub, her eyes beginning to fill with tears. 'I must do
this,' she thought. 'The King will curse himself if
Mamoru never knows the truth…if he does go on like
this…he will die.' "Mamoru," she said, raising now
dry eyes to him. "Allow me to introduce myself." She
bowed again, dark strands of hair falling over her
shoulder. "I am Sailor Pluto, the guardian of Time. I
see the past, present, and the many roads of the
future." Magenta eyes bore into his own. "I know
all," she said, arching an eyebrow as a challenge.
He stood there, shocked. There were more senshi- but
of course there were. There had to be one for each
planet…but still, it was still odd to see another
senshi- and this one was noticeably older than the
five back on Earth- wait…He was sleeping- how had
she entered his dream? There was no more time to
reflect on this- he had to know who had sent these
dreams to him- who had wanted to see him suffer so
much. He swallowed, and asked, his voice hoarse,
"Who?"
She understood what he meant, and answered as
simple as she could. "You, Mamoru." At his shocked
look, she hastened to correct herself. "Your future
self, Mamoru…The Neo-King…The one who will
rule at the side of Neo-Queen Serenity."
'The one who will rule at the side of Neo-Queen
Serenity…' These words played in his mind, and he
felt something- Hope. Hope was unfolding in his
heart, a new shine to wear away the darkness. "I…"
he tried to speak, but couldn't. Everything was going
to be all right. He would be with Usagi in the future,
which meant that everything would work out fine.
But still, there was one more thing he had to
know…"Why?"
Pluto braced herself at the outrage she knew would
come. "He wanted to see some things for himself.
The King…he wanted to know if you could
overcome this…" she searched for the word, "test. A
test of true love."
His eyes widened, fists clenched, a sharp intake of
breath. "He WHAT?!" he roared. "He wanted…to
see if we could pass a test?! A meaningless *test*?!
Well why don't you convey this message to him,"
Mamoru growled out, ready to pounce on any hapless
object, but restraining himself. "Tell him that if *he*
truly loved Usagi- his wife- then he would have
*never* put us through this test. He should know
how much we love each other- how much I love her
and how much *she*…she loves me." His voice had
faltered at the end, and Pluto immediately grabbed at
the insecurity in his voice.
"You're unsure, aren't you?" she said, serious.
"You're not sure if Usagi loves you- if she ever did
love you, isn't that right?" She didn't let him answer,
knowing that she was right. "And you see? You have
doubts about her love for you- you, too, wonder if…"
"Please…don't say it…" He had heard as much as he
could- these accusations about himself. He didn't
need to hear this from a person he didn't' even know-
a stranger. What gave her the right to know these
things? His insecurities- 'doubts' as she had called
them.
"And so you see now, Mamoru?" Her voice was soft,
not wanting to hurt him anymore. "Your future
self…is you. And no matter how much time will
pass, you will still doubt her love for you. You think
you will never understand why she loves you- you
don't want to know if her affections- her feelings- are
real." Her body began to shake with hidden tears.
"But you know what, Mamoru? *Mamo-chan*?" she
said, her voice sarcastic. "She does love you- and at
least you have someone who can and will love you."
She turned around, hiding the tears that were sliding
down her face. "You will never be lonely if you don't
doubt her. You will always have someone…unlike
me." The last part was whispered. "Now go,
Prince…Right your wrong, and know that this dream
of yours…is not real. She will not die…as long as
you are by her side."
"Wait, Pluto!"
But she waved her staff, ignoring his pleas for her to
stop. She needed to be alone…Like she always was.
Raising dark magenta eyes, she surveyed the area in
front of her. Cold gray mist…swirling around and
around and around…It was quiet- always quiet…but
now, the tranquility was disturbed by the always-
harsh sound of crying…Pluto's cries echoed off the
non-existent walls and disappeared into the grayness.
Mamoru woke up, beads of sweat around his
forehead. He knew now- he knew the truth, and
now…now, he could return to her, be happy again,
and love her again. Smiling gently, he lay back down
onto the bed, and slept…without any dreams to haunt
him.
**The Next Morning**
He ran the streets of Tokyo, searching for her. The
sun was shining brightly, a blue sky filled with
cotton-candied clouds. Birds sang cheerfully, and the
flowers were blooming, softening the 'hard' smell of
Tokyo. He paid no heed to this however- he just
wanted to find Usagi, his love. He still couldn't
believe that he had been so ignorant- so dumb. Now,
when he looked back, he wanted to kill himself for
the stupid reasons that he had made up for breaking
up with her. Ever since Pluto had come to him, he
had known that he had to find her.
'THERE!'
There she was, sitting on a bench, waiting for the bus.
He stopped running, watching as she pressed her
finger to her lips, trying to understand the book she
was reading. He nearly fell down with that one act-
how perfect that act was…She knew how to make
him feel so topsy-turvy without even trying. And then
he realized that he had to talk to her- he had to be
with her again…he couldn't wait any longer.
"Usa-ko!"
She turned her head sharply, hearing her name being
called out by him, and stood up. She waited for him,
watching him run up to her. God, he looked beautiful,
she thought, her heart wrenching- her mouth
becoming dry. She didn't want to do what she knew
she had to…She knew why he had called her name-
why he had decided to finally choose her. She had
witnessed last night's dream; Pluto had appeared in
Mamoru's precious dream to warn him against what
would happen- how this whole 'dream' was merely a
test, given by Neo-King Endymion.
"Usa-ko."
He was here now, watching her, blue eyes staring
with such intensity that it made her want to blush.
She dropped the book, the pages fluttering in the
wind. Turning her head away, she softly replied,
"What do you want, Mamoru?"
"Usa-ko, I realized something last night…" He
stepped closer to her, his voice earnest, his heart
beating rapidly. "This new senshi…she appeared in
my Dream…she told me that-"
"That it was a test, right? The dream was
nothing…made-up?" she whispered, head bowed.
"And let me guess…you want me back now, right?
Now that you know that your dream isn't real, you've
come back to me, thinking that I will just gladly
accept you? And forget the pain you had caused?"
She had lifted her head, eyes blazing…soften by the
tears. But she refused to let them fall, refused to let
him see them.
"I…" In all truth, he had thought that. He had thought
that she would return to him. "Demo, Usa-ko-"
"Don't!" she said sharply. "Don't you *dare* call me
that- you will *never* call me that again, do you
understand? You had your chance, Mamoru, when I
asked you what you wanted. But you blew it…You
told me you would chose *it* over me. You chose
your dream over your girlfriend- or should I say," she
said, sarcasm flying, "your ex-girlfriend?" Laughing
bitterly, she shook her head. "Oh, Mamoru…how
foolish you can be sometimes."
He was helpless- he could not do anything but to
listen to her…These words- they stung so much, but
he knew they were true. He loved her, though. And
he would be willing to do anything to get her back…
She had read his thoughts. "I say this again, Mamoru.
Never again…The past is forgotten, the future is
ahead of us." She watched his tears fall, and clenched
her fists. She didn't want to see him cry- she did love
him, but if this was how it was to be…If he would,
during any adversity, chose the other over her…she
would not tolerate it. "Good bye, Mamo-chan," she
said, taking a step closer, trying to avoid his soul-
searching gaze. Wrapping her arms around his neck,
she pulled his head down, sealing their lips in a kiss.
The passion was short-lived, though, for she pulled
back nearly the moment she had joined their lips
together. She uncrossed her arms and brought them
down to her side, turning away. Echoing his words,
she said slowly, her voice taut with tears, "I wish it
didn't have to be this way." And she began to walk
away, never once looking back. There was a new
future to look forward to, and whether or not she
wanted it to be that way, she would have to learn to
live…without him.
The sun shone brightly overhead, bathing Tokyo with
its love and warmth, oblivious of the tears and the
pain of the two young lovers. Day continued to wait
for Night, which would cleanse the earth of all the
hurt that Day had caused; Night would signal a new
beginning- or, perhaps, an end.
**
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[coughs] I mean, 'E-mail, please?'
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