Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns all of the characters, with the exception of James Black.
I do not claim ownership of James Black as he is an obvious character and has probably been used in other fanfics.
Warning: Danger, Will Robinson
Chapter 5: Doggerel
Del woke up to an empty room, except for the Weasel, sitting on bed across from him. 'No,' Del thought to himself, 'I must think of him by his name.' "I didn't think you would want to wake up alone," he said. "Thank you," Del said, adding "Ron" with difficulty. He got up and went to the foot of his bed. "I can't open my trunk," he told Ron, "I don't know my password." "That's easy enough," said Ron, "It's the same as mine." "Malfoy stinks," he called out, watching Del cringe. "That will have to change," said Del.
A few minutes later, Del and Ron walked out the door and down the stairs to the common room where the Mudblood was waiting for them. "Good Morning Hermione," he called, trying to be polite. "Morning, Harry," called a red-haired girl Del recognized as the Weasel's sister. "Good Morning, Virginia, did you sleep well." Hermione and Ron cracked up in laughter when everyone in the common room stopped and stared. Ginny looked at Ron and Hermione like they were crazy, then she looked at Del. "Harry," she asked, "Where are your glasses?"
Hermione controlled her laughter to tell her, "Ginny, that's not Harry, his name is Del" Hermione gave everyone a quick explanation about the traveler stone and how Harry and Del switched places. "Does Del have a last name," asked a third year named Creevey. When Hermione hesitated, Del said to her, "In for a penny, in for a pound." Holding out his hand he said, "Dudley Malfoy, Slytherin House, at your service. Please call me Del." "Malfoy?" asked a stunned Ginny, as no one made an effort to take his hand. "Yes, I believe you already know my brother, Draco." With that he took Ginny's hand, raised it to his lips, and kissed it. "A pleasure to meet you, my dear." 'That went well,' thought Del, then, clapping his hands together, said, "Now, who's for breakfast?"
When Del entered, the Great Hall went quiet and everyone stared at him. Then the whispering started; "He looks just like Harry," "Is he really evil," "Where's he going to sit." This last remark came from the Weasley twins who were standing nearby. He turned to them and instinctively sneered, "that depends on what is at stake." Laughing at his reaction, Fred answered, "if I've guessed correctly, George admits that I'm better than he is, and if George guesses correctly, I admit that he guessed correctly." Everyone laughed except Del, who fumed at the supposed insult. As the laughter died down, he said, "It doesn't matter, when Weasleys compete against Malfoys, Slytherin always celebrates." He then walked over to a cheering Slytherin table, and when Draco stood to offer him a chair, Del deliberately hugged him, calling him brother, and sat down to eat. He made his point to everyone. He was NOT Harry Potter.
Of course everyone at the table wanted to ask him questions. Pansy Parkinson asked if he had a girlfriend. He answered by saying her perfume smelled wonderful, that he always liked Essence of Violet. They asked if he played Quidditch. He said yes, that Draco had beaten him out for seeker, but he became a chaser, and then keeper. His biggest surprise was meeting Victor Krum. He had been told about the tournament, but had not expected to meet his favorite Quidditch player. Given a chance, he would have spent the rest of the day talking about the game. At one point, Crabbe asked if they were friends. Speaking with more warmth than he intended, he told him, "Vincent, we will always be friends." The hardest question was from Goyle. It was the same question that Vincent had asked, but all Del could say was, "You're not there." Despite all the questions, Del managed to eat something. He felt bad about leaving Hermione and Ron, the way he did, but he needn't have worried. Unable to get close enough to Del, dozens of students were gathered around the Gryffindors, asking them what questions they could.
As they got up to go to classes, Hermione walked up to him. "Del, I've got some bad news for you. Dumbledore has decided that you should take your classes with Gryffindor." Del groaned at the thought, but Draco told him not to worry, "we share the first class, Care of Magical Creatures. Hagrid is completely useless, of course." Del said nothing until they were walking down the hill to class. Once there were no other students close enough to hear, Del asked Draco, "What did you mean about Hagrid being useless? After we found out about the dragon, we became friends." Draco's eyebrows shot up, "Then there was a dragon." "Del," Hermione said, "I don't know what happened on your world, but here, when Draco found out he tried to turn us in and get us expelled." "Del fumed at Draco, "You little snitch. Didn't you think? You should have gotten them to let you in on it. Draco," he said, almost shouting, "It was a Dragon!" Draco was completely taken aback. Del was right. He could have gotten his hands on a real dragon. "I'm sorry," said Draco with honest regret, "I didn't think of that. But then, you weren't here." Hermione didn't laugh at Draco's embarrassment or even think to rub it in. Instead she took Del's hand, forcing him to look at her, saying, "just then, you sounded exactly like Harry," Del pulled his hand free, and kept walking.
Breakfast had consisted of everyone trying to ask Del questions. The same was true of Care of Magical Creatures, but Hagrid was using his position as teacher to ask his questions first. It was fine for a while. The most common question everyone asked was what were they like in the other world. Del made light of it by saying all the students from Gryffindor House were worthless, but, of course, he was speaking as a member of Slytherin House. He added to the general laughter by pointing out that Harry was probably saying the opposite right now. As soon as the class ended, Del quickly turned and began walking away. "I think Hagrid wants to talk to you," said Ron catching up to him, but Del kept walking. "Are you getting tired of answering questions?" Hermione asked, while she and Ron led him to the next class. "Yes and no," said Del, sadly, "it is hard for me, trying to be nice to people I would normally not even talk to, But I'm getting used to it. The hardest part is seeing people I know, who are not in my world." "What do you mean," asked Ron, "like they were killed or something?" Del's look told Ron he was right. Del bit back his initial words and tried to talk calmly. "Yes, like they were killed, like they were missing, like they weren't there." "Like Hagrid," asked Hermione fearfully, and Del nodded sadly.
Transfiguration was a relief. Professor McGonagall demanded complete attention, ignoring Del's special status, except to determine that his lessons were on par with what she was teaching. Occasionally, Del would find himself looking around at the others in the class, but always avoided eye contact.
At Dumbledore's request, Del was sitting at the Gryffindor table for Lunch, which was an imitation of breakfast, but not as bad. Most of the students were sharing gossip about what they had heard earlier, and most questions were about how Del was doing. He answered cheerfully enough, but his smile seemed forced. He was carefully checking his chair before sitting down, even looking under the table when Ron asked, "What are you looking for?" "Anything," he answered, "Your brothers are here." "So you do know the Weasley twins," laughed Seamus Finnigan. Turning to Ron, Del asked quietly, "When did he get out of the infirmary?". "He hasn't been in the infirmary," Ron replied, "did he have an accident on your world?" "Sniper," answered Del as here began to eat. Ron wasn't sure he wanted to know what 'sniper' was.
After eating lunch as quickly as he could, Del excused himself, Ron and Hermione that Dumbledore had asked to see him. Hermione watched him curiously as he paused at the end of the table. "Excuse me," he said to the boy sitting there, "I've noticed you in classes. Are you Neville Longbottom?" Neville looked up and said yes. Then Del nodded and walked out of the hall at a fast pace. A confused Neville, seeing Hermione watching him, shrugged his shoulders.
"Have things been interesting for you?" Dumbledore asked. "Interesting is a very appropriate word, Headmaster," Del replied. Dumbledore sighed, "I am going to impose upon you, Del, there is someone I want you to meet." Bringing Del over to the fireplace, he threw some powder into the flames, and called out, "Sirius, are you there?" At that, a familiar face appeared in the flames, calling out, "Dumbledore, I received your message." The face the turned to Del, asking, "is this the boy? The resemblance is remarkable." "Allow me to make introductions," the headmaster said, "Sirius, this is Dudley Malfoy, although he prefers to be called Del. Del this is Sirius Black, Harry's godfather." "A Pleasure to meet you, Del," said Sirius. "My pleasure, Minister," Del responded. "Minister?" Sirius asked, looking at Dumbledore. " Oh, did I forget to tell you," he replied chuckling, "In his world you are the Minister of Magic." At this, Del added, "and a very good one too, Sir. It is because of your actions that Voldemort is being held at bay."
Sirius digested this news, then asked Del, "tell me, do we know each other well." "Only as teacher and student, Sir, and, since we are in different houses, I only have a passing acquaintance with your son." "My son?," asked the figure in the fire place, now wide-eyed. Del realized that this Sirius Black had no family, and that was why he had been brought here. "Yes, Sir," he replied, "James Black, he is a first form in Gryffindor House." Sirius marveled, "James, and in Gryffindor. Is he a good student?" Del was about to say yes when Dumbledore stopped him saying, "Please, be honest," and winked at him. Del took his cue, and said, with an angry tone, "the truth is, Sir, that your son is barely passing in every class. Furthermore, he spends most of his time being tutored by the Weasley twins." Whatever Del had expected it wasn't this. Sirius began laughing like a madman, shouting, "He IS my son." Del turned to Dumbledore and said, "Headmaster, I don't ever want to know why he reacted that way." At that remark, Sirius Black went into another fit of laughter.
When he left Dumbledore's office, Del found Draco waiting to escort him to Potions Class. They made some small talk, and at one point Draco asked, "Do you really like Pansy?" "Your Pansy, yes," Del replied, "She has a lot of self-confidence. My Pansy always seems to have her mind somewhere else. She never pays attention to anything." Draco nodded, then asked, "What about me?" "You are my brother," Del answered, "I don't really understand Harry, but I think you and I are better people because we are together." Then he added with contempt, "to be honest, I don't really understand you, either." Surprised at this, Draco said nothing. They walked the rest of the way in silence.
As he reached the classroom, Del discovered that his celebrity status had not diminished. Almost every student tried to pair off with him. Professor Snape expressed his disgust by shouting everyone down. He then suggested that his 'nephew' choose his own partner. Something in the way Snape referred to him as his nephew stung Del. It was as though Snape was doing it to be mean. He had been told about how Snape hated Harry, and now believed it to be true. He decided to test if he was right. " Well, Uncle, excuse me, Professor Snape," he began, "since I am the best of the lot, It would only be fair to choose the worst, I assume it would be him, Longbottom. He Ignored everyone's questioning looks, he took his place in the front row next to Neville. "Why Me?" Neville asked as Del joined him. "Because I owe you one," Del replied. As Neville looked at him, he continued in a lecturing tone, "Did you know there are many ways to help yourself to remember things. For example, you could try using doggerel verse, that is to say, nonsense poetry. Try to memorize the potion by making up a rhyme. Like this:
One part toad liver
Two parts porcupine quiver
A fat pinch of bat fur
And stir, stir, stir
"Honestly," said Del, "you should try it." Neville stared at him, then turned toward Snape as the lesson started. Del deliberately stood back and let Neville do all the work. When Hermione hissed at him, he turned and smiled. He almost laughed when he heard Ron mutter, "He's a true Slytherin, that one." The only one not confused was Draco. When Del looked back, he saw Draco watching him and Neville intensely. He was making no judgement, just waiting for the drama to play itself out.
When Neville was finished, he was more surprised than anyone else that the potion was perfect. Snape ordered Neville to repeat the potion recipe, which he did, in a singsong voice. Then Snape turned to Del. "How did you know to do that?" "Because he is my friend," Del shouted back, "and I always stand by my friends." Dripping Venom, he continued, "Besides, UNCLE Severus, it was your idea. You swore you would make him learn regardless of what it took." With that, Del stormed out of the room.
Everyone was stunned. What had happened made no sense. Ron broke the silence by speaking his thoughts out loud, "He's gone bonkers." "So, you noticed, too," said Draco. Then somebody asked what should they do. "Find him," said Snape, "I'll get Dumbledore."