Making the Movie:Metal Gear Solid
Day 1
"Ok,Snake.All I want you to say is Die Sucker,"the director yelled for the tenth time.
"Ok,I think I got it this time,"Snake yelled back.
Snake raised the prop gun and held it up to Liquid's head.He spat the cigarette out of his mouth and looked straight into Liquid's eyes.
"Die sucka',"snake said to Liquid and then show the blank gun.
"Cut.Snake,what are you doing.What the hell is sucka supposed to mean,"the director yeled!
"It means sucker,except with an a instead of an r,"Snake replied sitting in his chair.
"Yeah,I know.But were making a serious drama/action movie.Not some gang shootout,"the director said wiping his face.
"Hey,I wrote the original script,"Snake said lighting up a cigar.
"I know you did.It was only five pages long and it contained numerous phrases that you stole from other movies.You even had a character named Huggy Bear,why do you think we didn't use it,"the director said grapping Snake's cigar.
"Hey,I was the one that snuck into that base.You were never there,you don't know what happened,"Snake said getting up.
"I'm pretty damn sure there wasn't a man named Huggy Bear there,"the director.
"Well,maybe I stretched the truth a little bit,"Snake said sitting down again.
"A little bit.You said that you found a time machine and went back in time to World War 2,to shoot Hitler,"the director said getting angrier.
"I thought it would make a good ending.I had to spice up because the script was too dramatic,"Snake says crossing his arms.
"Too dramatic!You're script had one sentance of dialogue in.The whole movie would have been you travelling through time.It didn't even make sense.The movie started with you saying I'll go back in time,for no reason at all,"the director screamed at Snake.
"I know my script had problems,but it had positive qualities,"Snake said standing up again.
"Name one,"the director said dryly.
"Umm...It had a theme song,"Snake said happily.
"You mean the one with only two words.All you did was say Metal Gear over and over again,"the director said laughing.
"Just shut up.I'll do your stupid scene,"Snake says trying not to cry.
"Ok.Let's take this from the top.All you have to do is aim your gun at Liquid anbd say Die Sucker.Not sucka,not suckers,not Mr.Sucker.Just sucker,"the director says slowly.
"Ok,I got it,"Snake says nodding.
"Hey could you hurry up,I have to go tape a yoo-hoo commercial in twenty minutes,"Liquid yells from the ground.
Snake picks the prop gun off the table and walks up to Liquid.He holds it up to him and hears the director yell action.
"Dead sucker,"Snake says angirly.
"Oh $@&!,"the director murmurs.
Day 2
"Well Snake,we're going to start with an easier scene,since it took another two hours yesterday to get the damn line.Ok,in this scene,you're chasing after the tank in the snow.You then leap onto it's side,throw a grenade in the hatch,and yell out,Stick this in your pipe in smoke it,"the director says to Snake pointing to the tank.
"Ok,got it,"Snake says nodding.
The director yells action and Snake runs towards the tank.He leaps onto it and then throws his grenade into the hatch and gets ready for his big line.
"Die sucker,"Snake yells out.
"Cut.Snake,what the hell are you doing.That's the line from yesterday,"the dirctor yells at Snake.
"Oh,I forgot,"Snake says scratching his head.
"Do you even remember the line for today,"the director asks?
"I believe it was,Stick this sucker in your pipe and die,"Snake replies.
"Uh....,"the director says turning away.
Day of the Premeire(Due to problems on the set,we were unable to film the rest of the shoot)
Snake is walking down the red carpet.He waves at them but no one knows who he is.He goes over and talks to a reporter.
"Mr.Snake,is it true that the shoot didn't work,"the reporter asks?
"That's all made up.They were saying on the set we were going to win an Oscar,"Snake said.
"I've heard that the director fired you on numerous occasions,even hiring bodyguards to keep you off the set,"the reporter asked again.
"That was all a joke.When I finally shot the bodyguard,they all seemed to be too nervous to play any more jokes,"Snake says laughing.
The reporter is crushed under the crowd and Snake walks into theatre.He sits up at the front and then the director walks onto the stage,ready to present the movie.
"Well folks.This is the movie.It might seem a little strange,but hey,it can't be that bad.Remember,I made good movies before.Think of those when you watch this,ummm...movie,"the director says shaking his head in disgrace.
The theatre becomes quiet and the movie begins.We first see Snake standing in the snow,he's looking at a large machine.
"I'll go back in time,"Snake says in the movie.
Snake sits on the machine and then pushes a button that says Hitler Time.The screen shakes a little and then Snake walks off the set and then enters a door that says Hitlers house on it.He walks inside and is standing in a small closet.A man dressed like Hitler is standing in the corner.
"On no,the maginificent Solid Snake,"the man yells.
Snake pushes him over and then walks out of the closet.He walks back on the set and sits in the time machine,which is really just a bathtub with a tv on top of it.He pushes a button that says home and then walks back off the time machine.
"Oh boy.What an adventure.I better get some sleep,"Snake says blankly.
A card comes over the screen that says the end.The screen goes black and then people start to boo.Snake quickly gets up on stage.
"Well,I guess I better explain the story.It was probaly too complicated for most of you.Snake found a time machine and pushed Hitler with it.Any questions,"Snake asked?
And that was the last time Snake was allowed in California
Day 1
"Ok,Snake.All I want you to say is Die Sucker,"the director yelled for the tenth time.
"Ok,I think I got it this time,"Snake yelled back.
Snake raised the prop gun and held it up to Liquid's head.He spat the cigarette out of his mouth and looked straight into Liquid's eyes.
"Die sucka',"snake said to Liquid and then show the blank gun.
"Cut.Snake,what are you doing.What the hell is sucka supposed to mean,"the director yeled!
"It means sucker,except with an a instead of an r,"Snake replied sitting in his chair.
"Yeah,I know.But were making a serious drama/action movie.Not some gang shootout,"the director said wiping his face.
"Hey,I wrote the original script,"Snake said lighting up a cigar.
"I know you did.It was only five pages long and it contained numerous phrases that you stole from other movies.You even had a character named Huggy Bear,why do you think we didn't use it,"the director said grapping Snake's cigar.
"Hey,I was the one that snuck into that base.You were never there,you don't know what happened,"Snake said getting up.
"I'm pretty damn sure there wasn't a man named Huggy Bear there,"the director.
"Well,maybe I stretched the truth a little bit,"Snake said sitting down again.
"A little bit.You said that you found a time machine and went back in time to World War 2,to shoot Hitler,"the director said getting angrier.
"I thought it would make a good ending.I had to spice up because the script was too dramatic,"Snake says crossing his arms.
"Too dramatic!You're script had one sentance of dialogue in.The whole movie would have been you travelling through time.It didn't even make sense.The movie started with you saying I'll go back in time,for no reason at all,"the director screamed at Snake.
"I know my script had problems,but it had positive qualities,"Snake said standing up again.
"Name one,"the director said dryly.
"Umm...It had a theme song,"Snake said happily.
"You mean the one with only two words.All you did was say Metal Gear over and over again,"the director said laughing.
"Just shut up.I'll do your stupid scene,"Snake says trying not to cry.
"Ok.Let's take this from the top.All you have to do is aim your gun at Liquid anbd say Die Sucker.Not sucka,not suckers,not Mr.Sucker.Just sucker,"the director says slowly.
"Ok,I got it,"Snake says nodding.
"Hey could you hurry up,I have to go tape a yoo-hoo commercial in twenty minutes,"Liquid yells from the ground.
Snake picks the prop gun off the table and walks up to Liquid.He holds it up to him and hears the director yell action.
"Dead sucker,"Snake says angirly.
"Oh $@&!,"the director murmurs.
Day 2
"Well Snake,we're going to start with an easier scene,since it took another two hours yesterday to get the damn line.Ok,in this scene,you're chasing after the tank in the snow.You then leap onto it's side,throw a grenade in the hatch,and yell out,Stick this in your pipe in smoke it,"the director says to Snake pointing to the tank.
"Ok,got it,"Snake says nodding.
The director yells action and Snake runs towards the tank.He leaps onto it and then throws his grenade into the hatch and gets ready for his big line.
"Die sucker,"Snake yells out.
"Cut.Snake,what the hell are you doing.That's the line from yesterday,"the dirctor yells at Snake.
"Oh,I forgot,"Snake says scratching his head.
"Do you even remember the line for today,"the director asks?
"I believe it was,Stick this sucker in your pipe and die,"Snake replies.
"Uh....,"the director says turning away.
Day of the Premeire(Due to problems on the set,we were unable to film the rest of the shoot)
Snake is walking down the red carpet.He waves at them but no one knows who he is.He goes over and talks to a reporter.
"Mr.Snake,is it true that the shoot didn't work,"the reporter asks?
"That's all made up.They were saying on the set we were going to win an Oscar,"Snake said.
"I've heard that the director fired you on numerous occasions,even hiring bodyguards to keep you off the set,"the reporter asked again.
"That was all a joke.When I finally shot the bodyguard,they all seemed to be too nervous to play any more jokes,"Snake says laughing.
The reporter is crushed under the crowd and Snake walks into theatre.He sits up at the front and then the director walks onto the stage,ready to present the movie.
"Well folks.This is the movie.It might seem a little strange,but hey,it can't be that bad.Remember,I made good movies before.Think of those when you watch this,ummm...movie,"the director says shaking his head in disgrace.
The theatre becomes quiet and the movie begins.We first see Snake standing in the snow,he's looking at a large machine.
"I'll go back in time,"Snake says in the movie.
Snake sits on the machine and then pushes a button that says Hitler Time.The screen shakes a little and then Snake walks off the set and then enters a door that says Hitlers house on it.He walks inside and is standing in a small closet.A man dressed like Hitler is standing in the corner.
"On no,the maginificent Solid Snake,"the man yells.
Snake pushes him over and then walks out of the closet.He walks back on the set and sits in the time machine,which is really just a bathtub with a tv on top of it.He pushes a button that says home and then walks back off the time machine.
"Oh boy.What an adventure.I better get some sleep,"Snake says blankly.
A card comes over the screen that says the end.The screen goes black and then people start to boo.Snake quickly gets up on stage.
"Well,I guess I better explain the story.It was probaly too complicated for most of you.Snake found a time machine and pushed Hitler with it.Any questions,"Snake asked?
And that was the last time Snake was allowed in California