The wind blows through my hair as I ride over to Logan's. I am going to tell him. Right
away, because if I wait I might loose my nerve. 'Logan, I am pregnant'. God, that sounds
funny. The words get stuck in the back of my throat like a ball and adhere to my tongue. Logan,
and then Zack, and then Original Cindy and then Lydecker and then the other X-5's, that's who
I'll tell. No, that isn't right, Logan first and then OC, because she is my home girl. Then
Lydecker and then Zack and the others. If I tell Lydecker first then he will be able to give me an
idea of the whole Manticore response. Ever since I got back from Manticore, Lydecker hasn't
seemed as bad compared to Renfro, the new anti-Christ. I have been trying to forgive him, let go
of the past. After all, he played a pretty big part in getting me back to Seattle. I shudder to think
what would have happened if I hadn't gotten out of Manticore the second time. Mind you, I had
help. I wouldn't have been able to do it if it weren't for the father of Jace's baby. Maybe when
Jace has settled in more, she'll be able to come up to Seattle and the kids can play together.
Anyway, the father of Jace's baby was still working at Manticore as a research scientist, because
Jace didn't tell them who the father was. He helped with the reprogramming, so that I got just
enough in my system so that Renfro thought that I was drugged, but not enough for it to re-wire
the chemical connections of my mind. I remember when Renfro would ask me whether I was
loyal to Manticore. What are your intentions, Max? She would always ask that after a session
with the resequencing drugs. And I would always answer, "To obey and follow my commanding
officers to complete my mission to serve Manticore." Every time I said those words, I wanted to
kill her. I have spent my entire life trying to get away from everything that Manticore stands for,
and there I was, having to kiss a*s to get out. Zack thinks that he had it worse than me, being
dependent on someone else to help get him out, because he was in isolation. But I would have
much rather been in that potion than mine. At least he was able to leave with some personal
dignity. Oh well, you do what you gotta to do to survive.
I am about three blocks away from Logan's now. I stop my bike on the side of the street
and take a deep breath. My whole has changed in the last three days. I've barely gotten used to
the fact that I am going bring a child into this world, telling Logan will make it really final. But
as I sit here I am beginning to realize that I am ok with that. If telling Logan will make it more
real, then so be it. My whole life all I have wanted is to have a family, a normal life, surrounded
by people that love and support me. And I finally have that. I've got my home girl, OC, and a
family that is slowly coming back together. I have freedom, and even though a reincarnation of
Hitler is my boss, I have job. A girl's got to make a living, right? Besides, the fact that my job
makes me want to backhand somebody makes me feel like your average Joe. As I look down the
road, I feel something I have never felt before. It makes me think of those wacked out preacher
guys on TV, talking about how even though this world is broken, you have got to be grateful for
what you have and see a realm of possibilities. Blah, blah, blah. Still, maybe this is supposed to
be one of those life altering moments, you know the ones that you look back on with tears in
your eyes and gratitude in your heart that some divine power showed you the light… I think that
I need to get to Logan's, so I can wait to go insane until after I get his response.
I park my bike in Logan's underground garage and then head up to the penthouse. Lately
the penthouse has been like my second home. With all the time that I spend with Logan,
between dinners, movies, looking for my family… long, lazy day and long ni- never mind. And
it won't be a bad place to raise Logan Jr. I hope that Original Cindy can find a roommate. I feel
kind of bad that I am gonna leave her in a lurch, but I think that she will be able to see how
important it is. As I come out of my train of thought, I realize that I have been standing in front
of Logan's door for several minutes. I knock and Logan comes to the door.
"Hey," Logan says, giving me a smile.
"Hey," I say, giving him a tone and a smile that only he gets to see.
"I tried to call you, but OC said that you were out."
"Yeah, I had some thinking to do."
"Well, I started making an incredible dinner, we can eat and then play chess or
something," he says, pulling me toward him. It's now or never, I have to tell him now before we
get too comfortable.
"Logan, I…"
"What's wrong?"
"I'm…"
"What?"
"I'm late."
"It's ok, I mean, I couldn't get a hold of you, it's no big deal."
"No, I'm…I am pregnant, Logan."
For a moment, neither one of us speaks and as the seconds go buy, I begin to wonder
whether I overestimated his ability to deal with this situation. I try to look everywhere but his
eyes, because I am afraid of what I might find there.
"I don't know how it happened… I mean, we were really careful and everything. I know
that two days might not be a big deal to a normal person but I am always on time and the
pregnancy test was positive. I thought about just dealing with it on my own, but I knew that you
would want to know and, well the thing is, I want to keep it."
I wait for his response but none comes.
"Logan, I know that might seem crazy or stupid, or like we couldn't do it. But I have
never wanted anything more than a family, and I think that I have finally found the one person
that I want to make that happen with."
I pause again and am about to start talking again when Logan puts his finger to my lips to
silence me. He lifts my chin with his hand and I find the courage to look in his eyes. I see a look
of love and am relieved.
"Max, this is going to be ok. We can do this. Granted, it was a little unexpected, but I
love you and I don't care that we didn't plan it. Sometimes miracles come when we least expect
them, I mean you broke in didn't you, angel?"
I look up and smile, as Logan places his hand on my stomach.
"Angel, is that a new nick name?"
Logan and I both spin around to see Lydecker and Zack in hallway.
Sometimes I feel like my life reads like a TV show.
away, because if I wait I might loose my nerve. 'Logan, I am pregnant'. God, that sounds
funny. The words get stuck in the back of my throat like a ball and adhere to my tongue. Logan,
and then Zack, and then Original Cindy and then Lydecker and then the other X-5's, that's who
I'll tell. No, that isn't right, Logan first and then OC, because she is my home girl. Then
Lydecker and then Zack and the others. If I tell Lydecker first then he will be able to give me an
idea of the whole Manticore response. Ever since I got back from Manticore, Lydecker hasn't
seemed as bad compared to Renfro, the new anti-Christ. I have been trying to forgive him, let go
of the past. After all, he played a pretty big part in getting me back to Seattle. I shudder to think
what would have happened if I hadn't gotten out of Manticore the second time. Mind you, I had
help. I wouldn't have been able to do it if it weren't for the father of Jace's baby. Maybe when
Jace has settled in more, she'll be able to come up to Seattle and the kids can play together.
Anyway, the father of Jace's baby was still working at Manticore as a research scientist, because
Jace didn't tell them who the father was. He helped with the reprogramming, so that I got just
enough in my system so that Renfro thought that I was drugged, but not enough for it to re-wire
the chemical connections of my mind. I remember when Renfro would ask me whether I was
loyal to Manticore. What are your intentions, Max? She would always ask that after a session
with the resequencing drugs. And I would always answer, "To obey and follow my commanding
officers to complete my mission to serve Manticore." Every time I said those words, I wanted to
kill her. I have spent my entire life trying to get away from everything that Manticore stands for,
and there I was, having to kiss a*s to get out. Zack thinks that he had it worse than me, being
dependent on someone else to help get him out, because he was in isolation. But I would have
much rather been in that potion than mine. At least he was able to leave with some personal
dignity. Oh well, you do what you gotta to do to survive.
I am about three blocks away from Logan's now. I stop my bike on the side of the street
and take a deep breath. My whole has changed in the last three days. I've barely gotten used to
the fact that I am going bring a child into this world, telling Logan will make it really final. But
as I sit here I am beginning to realize that I am ok with that. If telling Logan will make it more
real, then so be it. My whole life all I have wanted is to have a family, a normal life, surrounded
by people that love and support me. And I finally have that. I've got my home girl, OC, and a
family that is slowly coming back together. I have freedom, and even though a reincarnation of
Hitler is my boss, I have job. A girl's got to make a living, right? Besides, the fact that my job
makes me want to backhand somebody makes me feel like your average Joe. As I look down the
road, I feel something I have never felt before. It makes me think of those wacked out preacher
guys on TV, talking about how even though this world is broken, you have got to be grateful for
what you have and see a realm of possibilities. Blah, blah, blah. Still, maybe this is supposed to
be one of those life altering moments, you know the ones that you look back on with tears in
your eyes and gratitude in your heart that some divine power showed you the light… I think that
I need to get to Logan's, so I can wait to go insane until after I get his response.
I park my bike in Logan's underground garage and then head up to the penthouse. Lately
the penthouse has been like my second home. With all the time that I spend with Logan,
between dinners, movies, looking for my family… long, lazy day and long ni- never mind. And
it won't be a bad place to raise Logan Jr. I hope that Original Cindy can find a roommate. I feel
kind of bad that I am gonna leave her in a lurch, but I think that she will be able to see how
important it is. As I come out of my train of thought, I realize that I have been standing in front
of Logan's door for several minutes. I knock and Logan comes to the door.
"Hey," Logan says, giving me a smile.
"Hey," I say, giving him a tone and a smile that only he gets to see.
"I tried to call you, but OC said that you were out."
"Yeah, I had some thinking to do."
"Well, I started making an incredible dinner, we can eat and then play chess or
something," he says, pulling me toward him. It's now or never, I have to tell him now before we
get too comfortable.
"Logan, I…"
"What's wrong?"
"I'm…"
"What?"
"I'm late."
"It's ok, I mean, I couldn't get a hold of you, it's no big deal."
"No, I'm…I am pregnant, Logan."
For a moment, neither one of us speaks and as the seconds go buy, I begin to wonder
whether I overestimated his ability to deal with this situation. I try to look everywhere but his
eyes, because I am afraid of what I might find there.
"I don't know how it happened… I mean, we were really careful and everything. I know
that two days might not be a big deal to a normal person but I am always on time and the
pregnancy test was positive. I thought about just dealing with it on my own, but I knew that you
would want to know and, well the thing is, I want to keep it."
I wait for his response but none comes.
"Logan, I know that might seem crazy or stupid, or like we couldn't do it. But I have
never wanted anything more than a family, and I think that I have finally found the one person
that I want to make that happen with."
I pause again and am about to start talking again when Logan puts his finger to my lips to
silence me. He lifts my chin with his hand and I find the courage to look in his eyes. I see a look
of love and am relieved.
"Max, this is going to be ok. We can do this. Granted, it was a little unexpected, but I
love you and I don't care that we didn't plan it. Sometimes miracles come when we least expect
them, I mean you broke in didn't you, angel?"
I look up and smile, as Logan places his hand on my stomach.
"Angel, is that a new nick name?"
Logan and I both spin around to see Lydecker and Zack in hallway.
Sometimes I feel like my life reads like a TV show.