Joe had disappointed Alex. Upon first meeting a shocked Caroline, Alex expected Joe would say something marvelously clever and charming, making Caroline realize how silly she was being about this. Instead, he just returned Caroline's stare with one that was every bit as wary and unsure of itself. No dapper kiss on the hand or elegant bow. Come to think of it, Joe had barely even acknowledged Caroline. If this was Joe's idea of playing hard to get…
It wasn't as if Caroline had come streaming down the staircase like some repentant Scarlet O'Hara either. She had just sat there, numb. Every thing seemed to be numb, the emotions, her body, even the room. Even the room appeared to have lost color. Caroline studied Joe intently. He was why the room lost color; drained it out. Sucked it out. When he was in a room, all eyes, all whispers needed to be in his direction. Any energy or vitality magnetized to him. She supposed he lived off fawning attention the way a vampire subsists on blood: not out of any real desire or premeditation, but because that was the way it had to be. Caroline continued to stare recklessly. Really, he seemed too pretty to be much of a threat. The shock of onyx hair above a cloud white face gave him an intense, if not intellectual look. His appearance was decidedly artificial, but his manner could be decidedly human. Of course the cocky strut would have to go, but other than that, a conversation with Joe was just the same as one with any human.
She had to hand it to Alex; this was as state of the art as it was going to get. Joe was the most versatile A.I. ever created. He felt no inhibitions in saying what ever popped into his hardware at the moment. Alex had explained that Joe's unique nature was due to the fact that the three laws of robotics did not restrict his processing facilities, therefore, his intellect and ability to learn would never be compromised.
"So what do you think?" Alex's voice drifted out of the corner, seeming to come from a movie she played on her 2-D screen.
With some effort, Caroline turned towards the voice.
"I don't know." She refused to say anymore, knowing if she did, she would lose all composure again. What had started as a debate about Joe's right to stay with Caroline had evolved into a debate about Allen. Alex blamed Caroline for marrying someone so unimaginative, and that really, Caroline had done this to herself. There were so many cruel things she could have said to Alex, but she didn't. The debutante in her retreated from the fight, no not retreating, sprinting from it. Instead of exquisitely manicured nails going for the jugular, silent tears--the kind ever only shed by Caroline--traced a silvery mark down the sharp cheekbones, and settling on her thin lips.
"Caroline, I'm sorry."
"What about? What you said? About him? About it?" It came out sounding gruffer than Caroline had intended. Her voice was just hoarse and tired.
"All of the above. Listen I didn't do this lightly, I just thought you would like Joe." Alex dared a smile. "You're both so sarcastic that sometimes I doubt the two of you know if you're being serious or not."
A smile rebelled into full bloom on Caroline's face.
"It's sarcastic, is it?"
"He. He is sarcastic. Don't address him as 'it', you'll just antagonize him."
Caroline's smile lost the battle to the tears. "Alex, I know that this sort of arrangement is extremely common nowadays…God, look at the Migliosis! Anne bought Charlotte for Bill when she had to go to Tokyo for a year, and they're the most conservative people I know. But we're not talking about a Charlotte here. Charlotte did whatever she was told, I mean you knew she could never cause any harm…" her voice collapsed in on itself, drawing to a close. "What's to keep Joe from hurting, I don't know…David…What kind of software or hardware or whatever the Hell it is, will stop Joe?"
"Love," Alex softly said. Caroline snorted in retort. "You think I'm joking Caroline? This is Dan's solution to dull robots: don't limit them, make them learn and judge from past experiences. You keep them from hurting by making them love their owner." Alex reached into her leather purse--a gift from Dan--to pull out a series of papers. She stood and walked across the plush rug, bridging the gap that had grown between the two women. Caroline took the papers carefully, like she's just been given an olive branch. Alex just shrugged at Caroline's questioning look.
"That's the imprinting code. You read those words to Joe, I promise you, you will have nothing to worry about. Just seven little words Caroline, and you're hardwired into him for forever. Even if someone reprograms him, it won't make a difference."
"So that's why he's so aloof to me? Isn't hitting on me, so to speak?"
Alex nodded. "Once you say those words, his true purpose will kick in. I promise you, or Dan promises, rather, satisfaction guaranteed. His manner maybe asexual now, but I can assure you that it will change."
Caroline bolted up, her abruptness dizzying her slightly. She closed and then opened her eyes.
"Jesus, Alex, I don't want sex! If I want that I can go to Rouge City. What I would like is for someone to just talk to me for a while, maybe hold me! Tell me, am I being unreasonable?" Alex just shook her head sympathetically. "Well Allen thought that was unreasonable."
"Joe won't.'' After a long pause, "You're in a volatile place right now. You could run off with someone and end up even worse off. Think about it."
"Fine. But what about David?"
"Don't say it like he's a hindrance!" Alex was instantly edgy. Yes David was a problem. Yes he sometimes never came home. But she knew what it meant to be the bad seed. When her mother and Allen's father had married, she had been instantly cast aside for the prodigy child, the genius, the more deserving of the two. Five years of therapy had allowed for Alex to overcome rejection, but it would have done more good when she was thirteen and having to compete with a stepbrother twice her age.
"Where's Joe?'' Caroline asked quickly, in a none too subtle attempt to change the subject.
"I told him to go make himself useful…He's probably redecorating your master bedroom," Alex wasn't being altogether unserious.
Caroline frowned. It thought her house needed redecorating? Alex knew what Caroline was thinking from her expression.
"He doesn't think the house is a lost cause or anything. He said that it's fine--if we were in a Henry James novel. I think he has a point."
*********************************
Actually, Joe wasn't redecorating. He was tuning the grand piano in the study. To a human ear or even to a machine, it sounded fine, but to his distinct taste, the A was a little to flat, throwing off the rest of the rest of the scale. He sensed something behind him.
"Who are you. Oh, God, you aren't the new piano teacher, are you?" The voice was distinctly male, youngish because the voice cracked, and probably not worth talking to.
Joe didn't bother to look up from what he was doing.
"Are you the new teacher…"
"No need to repeat yourself. I heard you quite clearly."
"Then why didn't you--"
"Because I was busy," Joe replied impatiently. "And no, I am not your teacher, at least I sincerely hope not. I can tell from your voice you're completely tone deaf." This time he did glance up, to see what he was dealing with. A fourteen year old male, fantastic. The boy had outgrown cuteness and settled into an uneasy plainness. His hair was limp, and stringy. The skin pimply and drawn. The body had lost baby fat, and was left with nothing else but its skeleton. It occurred to Joe that this was most likely Caroline's son. There had been many pictures of a young David, but hardly any current ones.
"Well, I'm David." On impulse, he extended his hand. Joe was a little puzzled; men never offered their hand to him first.
"I'm Joe." He gave David a firm handshake. There was little need to be condescending now.
David let his new acquaintance continue what he was doing. He knew he was dealing with a mecha, but of what kind he wasn't sure. Had Anthony the serving man been replaced? Not likely, at least not with something like Joe. His features were too unique for a domestic robot, and he had said he wasn't the new piano teacher. David was glad about that. The last teacher had been caught in a Flesh Fair, and David didn't miss it. Why would he? It was just a machine who gave stilted instructions and couldn't carry on a regular conversation. Hell it couldn't even lie! Once when he had missed a lesson in a pot induced haze, he told it not to tell his mother about his absence. It took a few seconds of cross-examination for Caroline to learn where David really was, and David was busted and grounded. Not that it stopped him. He sneaked out his window, only to slip and break his arm. Some teacher.
"What are you doing?" David ventured as he curled up against the cool tile of the floor, desperate for any relief from a vodka induced headache.
"What does it look like?"
David smiled to himself. Joe was the most human robot he'd ever met. Very shocking. David liked shocking things. Joe continued to tinker for a moment, impervious to anything but the task at hand and then sat down to play-- even bothered to crack his knuckles before doing so. That was all too human.
The sounds of Pachabel's Canon in D drifted across the room. David shifted uncomfortably. That was his mother's favorite song, she was the only one he knew who still played things like that. Had his mother bought Joe? A thought crossed David's mind.
"Who's your maker?"
"Tagawa-Bell." Joe said it indifferently. Apparently having no concerns about what Tagawa-Bell made, he continued playing the song.
David was dumbstruck. So there it was. He was talking to a lover robot. David should have guessed it. They were all over the place, or at least the places he frequented. Joe did look like them, with his perfect hair, perfect smile, and perfect face that looked like it had been made up. That said, David hoped that Joe was Aunt Alex's.
"So what do you think about my aunt. Pretty crazy, huh?" David's felt like he was almost pleading with Joe not to say what he suspected.
"I'm actually not that concerned with your aunt." Joe's answer coursed through David's head more than that vodka ever could. "Your aunt just brought me here. Apparently, I'm supposed to keep an eye on your mum."
"I bet that's not all you're going to be keeping on her," David muttered, his lips brushing the tile.
"I don't understand," Joe said. David sat up to look at him and then grinned. His new friend had absolutely no idea what its true purpose was. It honestly thought its job was to sit around and keep an eye on David's "mum".
"Do you know why you're here, I mean really know?"
"Your aunt said to keep an eye on Caroline."
"That's what we have security 'bots for. You have no idea what you are do you?"
"Not 'what', 'who'. 'What' sounds like you're talking to an object," Joe said authoritatively. David wanted to tell him he was talking to an object, he was talking to a glorified vibrator. But Joe would be mollified. Had something gone wrong in Joe's programming? He honestly couldn't be that clueless. Or could he?
*******************************************
Caroline paced alone in her room. Alex had left without saying good-bye to Joe on purpose. Leaving that way gave no entry point for Caroline. Her and Joe wouldn't stand out in the driveway together and bid a fond farewell to Alexa Hobby, and then walk in together, arm in arm, discussing art and theatre. No, she would have to wander that sprawling old house and track down Joe herself.
Well, Joe would have to find her because she was too tired to move. Like a rag doll, she fell back on enveloping down comforter on her bed. She stared up at heavy posts. Joe was right, the house could use redecorating. She'd been itching to for years, but good old static, unchanging Allen had liked her house the way it was. Classic, he called it. Of course he would like it, its elegance was predictable and stultifying--not so unlike the professor himself.
"I hope you're having fun Allen, where ever you are," She said to the ceiling. Caroline shut her eyes, she was so sick of this house.
David pushed open the door to the room. He wished his shoes wet with rain wouldn't squeak on the wood floor so much.
"Mom…I'm sorry about what I said last night. I don't think you're an ugly bitch."
"Thanks." She didn't know if she was being sarcastic or not.
"Joe doesn't think so either." David couldn't resist it, she practically gave that one to him.
Caroline didn't acknowledge Joe, but she did say: "Just call me if you aren't coming home, okay?"
"Okay."
Caroline pushed her head under one of the many pillows. Why did she always have to do that, bury her head in the sand in the middle of a crisis? It was a sign the conversation was over, but David didn't leave.
"Mom, I just want you to know that I think it's great you got Joe. I always thought you were a prude, but I was wrong. Really, I think its cool you still enjoy sex."
Was he mocking her, or was David just being David? "For God sake's David! I didn't want Joe! Alex gave him to me!"
"If it makes you feel any better, he likes Pachabel too. He can play the Canon backwards. It's really cool sounding," David chirped brightly. He couldn't help it, he was trying to make his mother happy, even if that was impossible. It was true what he said: he was glad his mother had Joe now. He was glad Joe was here. In a half hour conversation, Joe had been more fun to talk to than his father had been in his whole life. No nagging, or philosophizing, just some man to man banter. Finally, someone around here to say it like it was. David hated nothing more than insincerity.
"Mom?"
"Quiet darling, mother's busy being miserable."
"Joe thinks we should redecorate the house. He says everything is too stuffy, that there's no room to breathe or walk around. He thinks the dark colors just hold too much back."
Caroline opened her eyes. Maybe that thing knew what it was talking about after all. Then she closed her eyes to sleep, but not dream. She was never that lucky.