Disclaimer: At the bottom
Author's Note: I apologize for whatever I'm about to write. I'm not entirely sure what it is going to be yet, but I'm sure it'll be just plain odd. If you like that sort of thing, go ahead and read my other fics Candy Land and No, I don't want to be a millionaire. They were both written during a time when sugar replaced sleep. Anyway…..
To set the scene: It was a normal day in Harry Potter's sixth year. The dark Lord Voldermort was once again trying to kill him.
Voldie: That is most certainly not true!
Me: Really?
Voldie: I'm not trying to kill the lad; I've decided it's impossible. I'll settle for making him totally and irrevocably insane.
Me: Oh, okay.
Voldie: Wormtail! Come here.
Wormtail comes over.
Voldie: I have a new plan to make Harry Potter totally and irrevocably insane!
Wormtail: That's wonderful, master.
Voldie: Yes. Yes it is. Now then. I will place a curse upon every character, but Harry forcing them to act horribly out of character. (Grins evilly, then shouts) Except me!
But it was too late. The curse was cast.
Harry awoke that morning to what sounded like a motorcycle. That's exactly what it was. There was Seamus and Dean sitting on the back of a motorcycle in the middle of the dormitory.
Harry: What are you two doing?
Seamus: We've decided we've got to be free, Harry.
Dean: We've decided to start a new life, not as minor characters, but as men.
They ride off into the sunset, despite the fact that it's still early morning.
Harry: That was very strange. Hey! Where's Ron?
After dressing hurriedly, Harry went downstairs to the common room. There, among other things, he found Hermione merrily burning school books in the fireplace.
Harry: (runs over to her) Hermione, what are you doing?
Hermione: I've realized that my life can't revolve around books. I have to become one with my inner spirit and reach my inner child. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go be one with nature. Do you want to come? We can make daisy chains and throw them at unsuspecting passerby's.
Harry: (Very confused) No, no thanks. Maybe some other time.
Hermione skips away happily.
Meanwhile Fred and George are over in the corner surrounded by stacks of books and papers, studying madly.
George: Fred, what's the capital of Brunei?
Fred: Bandar Seri Begawan, you twit. Everyone knows that!
George (begins to cry hysterically) I'm sorry I'm not as smart as you are! (Runs from the room sobbing)
Fred: (mutters something about incompetence)
Harry shakes his head and goes outside for some fresh air.
As he's walking around the grounds, Hedwig comes swooping down and lands on Harry's shoulder, dropping a letter into his hands.
Harry: It's from Sirrus!
Harry opens the letter. It reads:
Hedwig, instead of nipping his ear affectionately, bit it right off.
Harry: Hey you stupid bird! Get back here with my ear!
Harry madly runs after Hedwig and soon finds himself "miles beneath the school" as so often happens, or hadn't you noticed?
Harry: I must be miles beneath the school. How did I get here?
Me: (punches him) Shut up!
Harry: (rubs his arm) Fine. Hey, what's that?
He sees Ron walking towards him followed by a large group of people holding cameras and asking for his autograph. Among them is Professor Snape, wearing bright pink lipstick and fishnet stockings.
(A/N: I am soooooo sorry. If that image looked half as bad in your mind as it did in mine….)
Ron: So anyway, in my new movie, Ron Weasley and the Order of the Phoenix I reveal that my favorite color is really lavender and….
Harry: Ron!?!
Ron: Oh hello. Everyone, this is Harry Potter, one of my minions.
Harry: What?
Suddenly a voice from behind them says "All of you, be quiet now. You are my prisoners!"
Everyone turns to see Dumbledore dressed in leather.
Harry: Headmaster?
Dumbledore: No, I am the evil Lord Dumbledore. I'm taking over the world.
Dumbledore throws Harry into the dungeon. He's not the only occupant however…
Harry: Hello? Who's there?
Voldie: it's me, Voldermort!
Harry: AHHHHHH!
Voldie: (giggles) I like fuzzy things.
Harry: Huh?
Voldie: Fuzzy, warm things?
Harry: What in the world-
Voldie: Want to play candy Land?
Harry: Sure!
The End
Whew! That was awful! Go ahead flame me! I like pointy things…..
Disclaimer: I do not own any Harry potter characters. I don't own Latin America and I don't own anything in Brunei (though I wish I did, they're rich over there in Brunei, with that oil and stuff). I don't even own my left big toe. It's property of the state, and I'm not allowed to visit it without showing military ID. *Sob* I am sooo pathetic….