Robots, Reality, and Reflections 1/1
by PhoeniXstitch / Vickey Brickle-Macky begun 04/27/2001/ finished 9/30/01
This originally was based on my own reactions to Spike, and the Buffybot in "Intervention", and reactions to discussions of the episode in some of the newsgroups. The rest are after thoughts after the end of fifth season and just before the start of sixth with a lot of 6th season spoilers thrown in. I have also added in my own ideas of the specials that Spike might have had Warren do to the bot to make her seem more real, since it was clear she was a bit more advanced that the April model in a lot of ways.
This is rated close to PG-13, or about as graphic as they were doing it on the show. Lots of strong language, cuss words, and imagery too.
The usual disclaimers apply to Josh Wheldon, Mutant Enemy, the WB, UPN, and any other PTB connected with show. Just borrowing folks.
Archived on my site—In The heart of Darkness-- http://fangslover.fanspace.com If you want this for your site—just give me a holler at vbmacky1@yahoo.com
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God, she was wearing him out already, and he hadn't even had her two days. He hadn't even thought he would get so quickly bored with 'his' private, personal Buffy, but he was,' Spike thought to himself as he leaned tiredly against the wall of the crypt, and let her just go down on him. Not that it wasn't okay what she was doing, but emotionally he felt numb. A bloody milking machine would have given him more excitement, and greater satisfaction than what he was feeling at that moment.
For a toy was all she was, and would ever would be. Just a fancy life size toy, a plaything no matter how good her programming was, no matter how good the illusion looked, and acted—she wasn't real, and never would be. She would never be Buffy, not the real Buffy he was hopeless in love with, and knew he had not a chance in hell with.
Sure the illusion had worked for awhile. He had been able to pretend for over a day that she was real. That he had finally won the heart of his lady fair, and she wanted him as much as he wanted her. It had been wonderful, even heavenly until reality had begun to creep into his conscious mind. No one had been the wiser that she existed. He had managed to avoid letting anyone seeing her since he had heard the real Buffy was off with Giles doing some Slayer related thing, and wouldn't be back anytime soon. He couldn't believe his bloody luck. No slayer barging in at an embarrassing moment—it was perfect!
Everything had been fine up until she had snuck out to go 'patrol' after he had passed out in sheer exhaustion . And who wouldn't have? They had made love for the seventh, or eighth time—he had really lost track-- since he had gotten her. Even vampires have their bloody limits and he had definitely reached his. Though he really should have been more aware, but she had flat worn him out. And now she was on the loose because he hadn't told her to stay in the crypt.—Damn, he had been stupid not to think about that, and to assume too much. He had assumed that she would stay where he was, but her inner clock told it was night, and that was when the vampires came out, and she must go out, and slay them. That was her sacred duty just like the real Buffy. That was an integral part of her programming that 'he' had stupidly specified.
So the damned robot had gotten into her mind to go patrolling for vampires after he fell asleep because it was dark out—he really needed to change that bit of programming for sure. On one hand he wanted her to think independently, but not that independently. It would have been all well, and fine if they hadn't run into any of the Scoobies. Unfortunately, they had, or she had before he could get to her, and stop her. He had had to think fast before they figured out what was up. Luckily Xander, and his girl were not too bright, in his opinion, and he had been able to snow them, but just barely. His Buffy running smack into the whelp, and the ex-demon in the cemetery was a bad stroke of luck. Somehow his Buffy had passed as being the real thing, and they had been unable to tell that the robot was a robot. They were slightly confused as to why she was back from her trip so soon. Somehow the robot had been able to hold up her end of the conversation, though she came off as being too cheerful, perky, a bit spacey even for the normal Buffy.
The bot also lacked a basic awareness of things going on in Buffy's life at this point in time. Another thing he would have to fix. He had ordered her built before Joyce's untimely death, so her mother's death wasn't even in her data base. Nor was her overriding concern about her sister's safety, and protecting her secret from Glory in there either. He had almost had that put in, but that would have meant explaining the entire situation to Warren, and Spike could not do that. No one else could know for Dawn's and Buffy's sake. That was one secret he was determined to kept no matter what. To her friends it just seemed like Buffy had lost it completely because of stress. Why else would she happily be wanting to be with him, and clinging to him? He had actually been embarrassed by the robot, and scared that the two Scoobies would figure it out, and he'd be dead meat right then, and there. Worse he knew that Buffy would hear about it, and she would make sure he was a nice pile of ashes after she kicked his ass all over town.
He also had been dimly aware of Xander, and Anya seeing him, and the robot having sex in the woods. The two humans had made enough noise crashing through the bushes to find them which announced their presence. Laying there enjoying what his robot was doing to him, he could feel Xander's shocked disbelief, and growing anger. Wisely, the two had left quickly after that, probably to run back to the witches since the Watcher was with the real Buffy somewhere. Suddenly his joy in the robot had turned to despair, and embarrassment for both himself, and the real Buffy. That had never been his intention—ever to cause her any distress. He had wanted to keep the robot secret. That had not worked out at all. With the Scoobies, what one knew they would all know shortly—especially something as bizarre as him, and Buffy together. With that set of thoughts he had lost all interest in the robot, and had made her stop, and come home with him.
Her kisses had seemed almost real in the beginning when he had picked her up at Warren's house. The guy had added padding to the lips, so that the robot's lips were not hard as rocks, and gave slightly under his almost like real lips. He had also instructed the robot maker to give the robot a bit of warmth, a body temperature and even a hint of a pulse. He wanted his illusion as real as it could be made to be. It was always the details that were important anyway to him. That was what drew his attention, and kept it.
Yeah, she was a bleeding wonderful sex machine, but the real Buffy was never, ever, this bloody perky, smiling, and accommodating to the likes of him--and that's where the whole soddin' illusion broke down. Nor did he want the real woman he loved to bloody to be this way— she was the Slayer for god's sake not a geisha girl—what the hell had he been thinking when he ordered this damned thing? Never mind—don't answer that. Well, it did seem like a good idea at the time—and anything was an improvement over Harmony—really anything. Least when he told the soddin' robot to shut up it obeyed, and didn't keep bloody yapping, and making his head hurt.
But the saccharin sweetness of the robot was really getting to him, and that was what was really turning him off. He wanted a woman with a edge, a bit of meanness, one that wouldn't bow down to him, and would stand her ground, and would even make him bow ,and scrape a bit—yeah, that was the ticket. He wanted to worship his woman, but he really couldn't handle them worshiping, and waiting on him—it made him feel bloody useless, it did—all soft, and made him a bit of a nancy boy. Bad for the image it was.
All the women he had been in love with Cecily, Drusilla, and now Buffy—notice that Harmony isn't in the bloody list—tells you something right there, he had adored and worshipped, and felt lucky if they paid him just the bit of attention. Didn't bloody matter if they returned his affection, but he at least wanted to be acknowledged, and maybe get a bit of respect from them. Just a crumb is all he ever had asked of his lady loves.
Which reminded him of when Buffy, Dru, and Harmony had all ganged up on him—yeah, that's what started this bleeding mess with the robot, their bloody wanting to cling to him—use him—except Buffy, the one he wanted to want him. In the end they all left him hanging, hurting, and all alone. He had even been uninvited from Buffy's house—that was the worse blow of all. All these years, even the one without a chip he had been allowed to come and go—not even the poof could claim that! Now he was shut out completely and he almost did leave the soddin town, country and planet as she had asked him. But grimly he had decided to stick it out and stay and not be like the other men in her life that had left her when she had told them to. Eventually she was going to need him, and if not her the kid to protect her from Glory. It was just the soddin' quiet before the bloody storm. He could feel it even if her high and mightiness couldn't.
He had tried to get back in the Slayer's good graces, but she had blown him off, and took up with the guy from the hospital, Ben. Another Angel/Riley substitute from the look of him. She also knew that he carrying on with the guy was driving him up the wall. He knew she was watching him, and trying to see his reactions while she flirted with the guy. That's when he decided to up the anty, and began trying to pick up a girl, and flaunt her in her face like she was doing to him. That was when he saw the drop dead gorgeous girl, and began hitting on, telling her what he had in mind. She did not react like he though she would, and found himself easily picked up, and thrown through the new picture window in the Bronze. Then he had found out the bitch that had done it had been a soddin' robot, but no one, but the Scoobies could tell. The other morons didn't have a clue as usual that something strange was going on. They never did, no wonder this town was a demon's paradise.
Now the robot girl, that was a piece of bloody fantastic craftsmanship. Even his vampire senses hadn't noticed there was something off about her. And now his robot was the same way. She felt, looked and acted human. That Warren guy was a genius no doubt, but he wished he could find the idiot now so he could fix this 'I'm so, so happy with everything in the world' attitude the stupid mechanical blint had.
Well, now that won't be a problem as the Slayer has informed me that the robot is broke. I'm still in shock the slayer kissed me while trying to pretend she was the robot coming back after Willow had supposedly fixed her after the battle. I really thought she was the soddin' robot, had the whole act down perfect. But then as she bent to kiss me, I got a whiff of her, the real Buffy, and even through my pain after Glory got through beating the crap out of me, I'd know that scent, and the feel of her lips anywhere. Though I'd died and gone to heaven in just that simple touch she gave me.
I'm not going to argue with her, or even try to find out where she threw the thing away at. She is supremely pissed at me over the whole deal—and for once I can really see her reasons why, even hurting as bad as I am from what that Hell bitch, Glory, did to me. The Slayer called the robot "gross and obscene", well, maybe it was a little—sorry love, I never wanted you to know about it, it was to be my dirty little secret, it was all private and that. Never wanted you to know how bad my bloody obsession with you was. Though you got a good idea when you came below me crypt, and found my secret stash, and the things I had swiped. But hell, Slayer, I can't ever have anything private not with the lot of you, and yours barging in, come day or night when ever you please. So the proverbial cat is really out of the bag.
But looking at her, my slayer, I think she is grateful that I do care for her, despite all the hell, and bullshit we put each other through. The fact that on my own I was willing to sacrifice myself rather than betray her, or the Nibblet, means more to her than anything else I could have done to prove I do really care about her, and I'm not all full of bullshit. Damn, I really am finally getting my bloody crumb, and it feels good. I feel good that I did keep the Dawn's secret, and I kept my two loves safe—that's all that matters.
So the robot is gone…sigh. Though in the shape I'm in even the idea of sex with anything is going to be out for awhile until I bloody heal up. Even if Buffy herself had offered herself, no stings, and all I don't think I could do a bloody thing. It hurts too much to even sit up, or move. The Hell Bitch got me real good. But I'll heal, I always do eventually.
So there's where they stashed the thing in the basement of the bloody shop. Should have fucking known that they wouldn't just outright destroy, or get rid of the bloody robot. So Will got the thing working? Clever little witch she is. That girl definitely has the smarts if she can fix the thing, and then reprogram it. So the thing does a use after all as a decoy. Good idea Slayer, you really can come up with the plans. And the demons, around here think you're a dumb blond—I learned the hard way not to ever underestimate you in any situation.
So here we go into the final showdown. It worries me that the Slayer thinks we're all not going to make it. That's not like her. It's always been that everyone was going to make it out alive. This fight with Glory has got her shook worse than I've ever seen her. This is not good. Should I say something to the Watcher or the whelp clue them in on Buffy's state of mind, or not? Maybe it was just a temporary thing, her telling me that at her house, and I shouldn't be so unnerved by her comments? This is as grim as I have ever seen her before a final battle, and this makes my third--fourth one with her that I've been involved with one way, or the other. Except this time I am all the way on her side, and part of the group all the way.
It makes me almost light headed, bloody proud to think, despite everyone else's objections, she wants me with her by her side for this. And I still can't get over how much she has been coming to me for help with her sis and the others when just a short time ago I was the bloody scum of the earth for daring to let her know I loved her. So maybe she's using me, big deal, I don't bloody care as long as she just lets me be around her, and help. And she's even listening to what I have to say, along with the others, more than they did last year when I was more in with them.,
We won, but the victory feels, so bloody hollow. Because she's gone. Buffy is gone! The Slayer is dead. I want to be dead too. If I can just make it over into that beam of sunlight then I can be with her. No more pain, no more hurt, no more Spike mucking up the works. Dawn, let me please… I can't handle this…I can't handle seeing her all broken and not moving. Let me go –please? Watch the coat, Watcher. Okay, I'll move. I'll stay. Yeah, got to be strong, got to be strong because that's what Buffy would have wanted me to do, and the Nibblet does need me. We need each other if we're going to get through this soddin' mess.
So our world is safe again—big fucking hooray! The Hell Bitch is dead, and so is Ben thanks to Giles. And it was Giles, not Ripper, that did the deed because the Slayer couldn't. Then the damned portal got opened after all because I couldn't stop that damned Doc guy. I think I got him, and it'll all be over, but instead he grabs me, and he knife's me in the soddin' back, and throws me off the bloody tower. I failed my Nibblet, and I failed Buffy because I couldn't stop him and kill him. The soddin' demon cut her. He cut the girl I was supposed to protect with my life, and with her blood the soddin' portal open, and all manner of nasties escaped, and dimensional rifts occurred all over town, and maybe even elsewhere. But I don't know until later as I'm out of it from the fall, and feeling all my just barely healed bones and such beak and tear again. I wished I had known what Buffy had on her mind that night. Even as bad off as I was I would have tried to get my sorry ass up off the ground and gone after her. I would have found some way to stop her.
Dawn tried to, but she was in too much shock from what had happened to her, then realizing the portal was open, and what Buffy was going to do to close it that it numbed her more than she already was. She watched Buffy jump. She watched Buffy jump, and knew she couldn't stop her when it should been her doing the closing. She hates herself now for being so weak and helpless to stop her and for still being alive. Don't hate yourself, kid, please? I'm the one at bloody fault here, not you. I killed your sis, not you because I didn't do my soddin' job. I let everyone down. And my failure will bloody haunt me the rest of my undead life just like when I walked away and left with Dru when the Slayer needed help fighting Angelus. I was a soddin' failure then, and that's why I wanted to fix things, do things right this time. Blew that big time, didn't I?
But because I did blow it so bad, that's why I'm sticking with you, kid. I made that promise to your sis to protect you, and she told you that we all had to work together, and live no matter how hard it was. So that means to mean I got to take up where she left off with you, and even doing the slaying bit because someone has to. And it is bloody hard going on without her, her warmth, her love, her very presence. I know I'm no bloody substitute for her, but I gotta try, and take care of you. At least you aren't an insane vampire like Dru, just a supposedly normal human teenager. I don't know whether you're still this weird mystical "Key" thing, or not any more, but even if you are I am going to do my damnedest to protect you from the nasties.
I understand why, Will, you're fixing the soddin' robot. I understand all about social services, her Dad, and making it look to the demons around here that the Slayer survived the battle with Glory. Got to squash those nasty rumors right quick before we get overwhelmed. But I'm not happy about this at all. I'm letting you know that right off the bat. Yeah, got it about the appearances bit, got to make it look like we still have a Buffy around. Appearances are all all right, and cool, and are important, but it's bloody unnerving, that's all I got to say. Especially, until you do something about the bot's soddin' programming.
Okay, I'm sorry I had her programmed that way. Don't bloody laugh about it! It's not funny any more. It hurts to see the thing looking, and acting so much like her when our Buffy is gone, and ain't ever coming back. Yeah, it should bother you too. Can't you de-perk her a bit too? Make her a whole bunch less cheerful, and not so sickening sweet sounding? That really gets on my nerves. Buffy was never that bloody cheerful, and people are going to start suspecting something's wrong by the thing acting that way. Great, I so did not need to hear that that part of the programming can't be fixed because it's on the base levels. Remind me to kill Warren the next time he shows up. Soddin' idiot. Probably why he was unhappy with his if this is the base way they act. Well fix her the best you can, and I will try to put up with her.
All right, so it's fixed just keep the soddin' thing away from me. What do you mean I have to bloody patrol with it? You are way off your bloody gourd witch if you think I want the damned thing following me around. Will,… Will, back down Will! Don't bloody look at me that way. Make your eyes go back to normal! I take it all back—honest! Go back to normal—please! You're scaring me now! Don't go all hocus pocus on me, and turn me into a bloody toad, or whatever—okay? Okay, I got the message loud ,and clear—no complaints—honest! Just keep the witchy stuff down. And no bloody comments from the peanut gallery either, Nibblet.
Come on you bloody thing. Let's go patrol. And don't call me Spikey, you sound like bloody Harmony when you do that. And watch the hands. No bleeding hands on me, hugs, or trying to bloody seduce me. We're going out to kill soddin demons that's all—got it! And knock off the wetworks. Didn't think robots could cry. Yeah, thank Warren for me too, bloody pullock. No tears, no pouting, no hurt looks, no touchies, no feelies, no kisses, no anything, but finding, and killing the demons, and vampires out there. And you will bloody listen to me when I say stop, or don't do something—are we bloody clear on this now? Good, now let's go do it.
Okay, she's not that bad damaged. I did protect her—honest! We just got jumped by about fifteen damned vampires on motorcycles. We were fighting for our bloody lives out there. These guys were tough, lot better fighters than we've been used to seeing around her for a while. It was all I could do to get Nibblet out of danger. Least I got a bike out of the deal. Yeah, the bot got damaged, and you got her programmed to come find you if she got hurt, so what did you expect? I can't help it that that lot decided to trail her and jump you guys. So what were you doing out in the cemetery anyway? And what's with all the blood all over you? Deer isn't it? You're weird you know that? Okay, I get it—none of old Spikey's business—witchy stuff. Okay, I'll shut up now.
So one of them got away. Calm down, Will. I know. Yeah, he got away while I was trying to get the two off of her before they really fixed her good. You lot had your own problems, I see. Okay, the guy saw her wiring. Geez, girl, it was going happen sooner or later. It was just a matter of bloody time before someone caught on that this isn't the bloody slayer, and lived to tell about it.
What do you mean she can't be fixed? You got to Will. The Bot has to talk to social services Thursday. Ohh, thought I told you that. Forgot about it. Geez, I can't remember every soddin thing going on. Well, you are just going to have to fix her somehow. I tried to get them to reschedule, and they wouldn't. Great, just great—me? You want me to talk to them. Just because I have doesn't mean I'm any bloody good at it. No, I am not going to wear a bloody suit, or borrow one of the Watcher's. So, he left me one, big deal. I'm not doing it. Not that bloody puppy dog look from both of you, and you too, Nibblet. Okay, I'll do it—damned women. I am worse than the poof.
She's back! Buffy's back for real, and the lot of you didn't let me, or the Nibblet know what you were up to? I thought you all were my friends after all we're been through together—thanks loads! Same old crap. The lot of you haven't changed at all. Teach me to let my soddin' guard down, and believe that I really was one of you and you cared. Should have bloody known than when you could you'd give me the shaft as always when you didn't need me any more.
A nd why can't I bloody see her? Why? What's wrong? The spell go all wrong and she's not quite right—that's it isn't it. What the hell did you do, witch? Tell me! Don't be beating around the bush on this. Is it or isn't her? Do I got to be the one to bloody kill her—again? Is that what you're trying to say? Tell me dammit!
So she is okay then, but you still won't let me see her—why? I need to bloody see her, and I'm not leaving until I do. Don't care if I do get extra crisped waiting. Good, let her know I'm here. Let her bloody decide then.
Slayer? Buffy? Luv? It is you. They didn't soddin' lie to me. You are back. And you aren't a bloody vampire, or demon. You're. You….I'm so glad to see you back…yes, I bloody missed you. Why? Why do you think? You think I wouldn't? That's bloody stupid. I'm still here aren't I. Stayed when I could have left anytime. I know I failed you, and you died because I couldn't kill that Doc guy, but I did stay, and kept my promise to you to watch over Dawn. Even Harris can tell you what a good job I've been doing. And then Will fixed up the robot, and it, and I have been patrolling with the rest of the Scoobies trying to fill your shoes, and keep the demons down, but there isn't anyone that can like you do, luv.
Don't cry, luv. I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm sorry, luv. I'll be all right, it really will be—I promise. Right then, I understand. I do really. Coming back from being all dead, you're all tired, and all…at least you look better than I did coming back. Hey, that was a compliment—I wasn't trying to start something. Yeah, you're back, you haven't lost it at all, same old slayer. Just hoped your disposition would have improved. Well, can't have everything I guess. See you around, luv. You know where to find me if you need me. I'll be going then, night, luv.
I'm really glad you're back , Buffy.
It's a beautiful night in the neighborhood….a beautiful night in the neighborhood because my baby's back, and she's going to be kicking demon ass all over Sunnyhell…and this time I ain't ever letting her go…. Ohh, yeah!
The end—really. See I really can do a short story.
Feedback please?
by PhoeniXstitch / Vickey Brickle-Macky begun 04/27/2001/ finished 9/30/01
This originally was based on my own reactions to Spike, and the Buffybot in "Intervention", and reactions to discussions of the episode in some of the newsgroups. The rest are after thoughts after the end of fifth season and just before the start of sixth with a lot of 6th season spoilers thrown in. I have also added in my own ideas of the specials that Spike might have had Warren do to the bot to make her seem more real, since it was clear she was a bit more advanced that the April model in a lot of ways.
This is rated close to PG-13, or about as graphic as they were doing it on the show. Lots of strong language, cuss words, and imagery too.
The usual disclaimers apply to Josh Wheldon, Mutant Enemy, the WB, UPN, and any other PTB connected with show. Just borrowing folks.
Archived on my site—In The heart of Darkness-- http://fangslover.fanspace.com If you want this for your site—just give me a holler at vbmacky1@yahoo.com
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God, she was wearing him out already, and he hadn't even had her two days. He hadn't even thought he would get so quickly bored with 'his' private, personal Buffy, but he was,' Spike thought to himself as he leaned tiredly against the wall of the crypt, and let her just go down on him. Not that it wasn't okay what she was doing, but emotionally he felt numb. A bloody milking machine would have given him more excitement, and greater satisfaction than what he was feeling at that moment.
For a toy was all she was, and would ever would be. Just a fancy life size toy, a plaything no matter how good her programming was, no matter how good the illusion looked, and acted—she wasn't real, and never would be. She would never be Buffy, not the real Buffy he was hopeless in love with, and knew he had not a chance in hell with.
Sure the illusion had worked for awhile. He had been able to pretend for over a day that she was real. That he had finally won the heart of his lady fair, and she wanted him as much as he wanted her. It had been wonderful, even heavenly until reality had begun to creep into his conscious mind. No one had been the wiser that she existed. He had managed to avoid letting anyone seeing her since he had heard the real Buffy was off with Giles doing some Slayer related thing, and wouldn't be back anytime soon. He couldn't believe his bloody luck. No slayer barging in at an embarrassing moment—it was perfect!
Everything had been fine up until she had snuck out to go 'patrol' after he had passed out in sheer exhaustion . And who wouldn't have? They had made love for the seventh, or eighth time—he had really lost track-- since he had gotten her. Even vampires have their bloody limits and he had definitely reached his. Though he really should have been more aware, but she had flat worn him out. And now she was on the loose because he hadn't told her to stay in the crypt.—Damn, he had been stupid not to think about that, and to assume too much. He had assumed that she would stay where he was, but her inner clock told it was night, and that was when the vampires came out, and she must go out, and slay them. That was her sacred duty just like the real Buffy. That was an integral part of her programming that 'he' had stupidly specified.
So the damned robot had gotten into her mind to go patrolling for vampires after he fell asleep because it was dark out—he really needed to change that bit of programming for sure. On one hand he wanted her to think independently, but not that independently. It would have been all well, and fine if they hadn't run into any of the Scoobies. Unfortunately, they had, or she had before he could get to her, and stop her. He had had to think fast before they figured out what was up. Luckily Xander, and his girl were not too bright, in his opinion, and he had been able to snow them, but just barely. His Buffy running smack into the whelp, and the ex-demon in the cemetery was a bad stroke of luck. Somehow his Buffy had passed as being the real thing, and they had been unable to tell that the robot was a robot. They were slightly confused as to why she was back from her trip so soon. Somehow the robot had been able to hold up her end of the conversation, though she came off as being too cheerful, perky, a bit spacey even for the normal Buffy.
The bot also lacked a basic awareness of things going on in Buffy's life at this point in time. Another thing he would have to fix. He had ordered her built before Joyce's untimely death, so her mother's death wasn't even in her data base. Nor was her overriding concern about her sister's safety, and protecting her secret from Glory in there either. He had almost had that put in, but that would have meant explaining the entire situation to Warren, and Spike could not do that. No one else could know for Dawn's and Buffy's sake. That was one secret he was determined to kept no matter what. To her friends it just seemed like Buffy had lost it completely because of stress. Why else would she happily be wanting to be with him, and clinging to him? He had actually been embarrassed by the robot, and scared that the two Scoobies would figure it out, and he'd be dead meat right then, and there. Worse he knew that Buffy would hear about it, and she would make sure he was a nice pile of ashes after she kicked his ass all over town.
He also had been dimly aware of Xander, and Anya seeing him, and the robot having sex in the woods. The two humans had made enough noise crashing through the bushes to find them which announced their presence. Laying there enjoying what his robot was doing to him, he could feel Xander's shocked disbelief, and growing anger. Wisely, the two had left quickly after that, probably to run back to the witches since the Watcher was with the real Buffy somewhere. Suddenly his joy in the robot had turned to despair, and embarrassment for both himself, and the real Buffy. That had never been his intention—ever to cause her any distress. He had wanted to keep the robot secret. That had not worked out at all. With the Scoobies, what one knew they would all know shortly—especially something as bizarre as him, and Buffy together. With that set of thoughts he had lost all interest in the robot, and had made her stop, and come home with him.
Her kisses had seemed almost real in the beginning when he had picked her up at Warren's house. The guy had added padding to the lips, so that the robot's lips were not hard as rocks, and gave slightly under his almost like real lips. He had also instructed the robot maker to give the robot a bit of warmth, a body temperature and even a hint of a pulse. He wanted his illusion as real as it could be made to be. It was always the details that were important anyway to him. That was what drew his attention, and kept it.
Yeah, she was a bleeding wonderful sex machine, but the real Buffy was never, ever, this bloody perky, smiling, and accommodating to the likes of him--and that's where the whole soddin' illusion broke down. Nor did he want the real woman he loved to bloody to be this way— she was the Slayer for god's sake not a geisha girl—what the hell had he been thinking when he ordered this damned thing? Never mind—don't answer that. Well, it did seem like a good idea at the time—and anything was an improvement over Harmony—really anything. Least when he told the soddin' robot to shut up it obeyed, and didn't keep bloody yapping, and making his head hurt.
But the saccharin sweetness of the robot was really getting to him, and that was what was really turning him off. He wanted a woman with a edge, a bit of meanness, one that wouldn't bow down to him, and would stand her ground, and would even make him bow ,and scrape a bit—yeah, that was the ticket. He wanted to worship his woman, but he really couldn't handle them worshiping, and waiting on him—it made him feel bloody useless, it did—all soft, and made him a bit of a nancy boy. Bad for the image it was.
All the women he had been in love with Cecily, Drusilla, and now Buffy—notice that Harmony isn't in the bloody list—tells you something right there, he had adored and worshipped, and felt lucky if they paid him just the bit of attention. Didn't bloody matter if they returned his affection, but he at least wanted to be acknowledged, and maybe get a bit of respect from them. Just a crumb is all he ever had asked of his lady loves.
Which reminded him of when Buffy, Dru, and Harmony had all ganged up on him—yeah, that's what started this bleeding mess with the robot, their bloody wanting to cling to him—use him—except Buffy, the one he wanted to want him. In the end they all left him hanging, hurting, and all alone. He had even been uninvited from Buffy's house—that was the worse blow of all. All these years, even the one without a chip he had been allowed to come and go—not even the poof could claim that! Now he was shut out completely and he almost did leave the soddin town, country and planet as she had asked him. But grimly he had decided to stick it out and stay and not be like the other men in her life that had left her when she had told them to. Eventually she was going to need him, and if not her the kid to protect her from Glory. It was just the soddin' quiet before the bloody storm. He could feel it even if her high and mightiness couldn't.
He had tried to get back in the Slayer's good graces, but she had blown him off, and took up with the guy from the hospital, Ben. Another Angel/Riley substitute from the look of him. She also knew that he carrying on with the guy was driving him up the wall. He knew she was watching him, and trying to see his reactions while she flirted with the guy. That's when he decided to up the anty, and began trying to pick up a girl, and flaunt her in her face like she was doing to him. That was when he saw the drop dead gorgeous girl, and began hitting on, telling her what he had in mind. She did not react like he though she would, and found himself easily picked up, and thrown through the new picture window in the Bronze. Then he had found out the bitch that had done it had been a soddin' robot, but no one, but the Scoobies could tell. The other morons didn't have a clue as usual that something strange was going on. They never did, no wonder this town was a demon's paradise.
Now the robot girl, that was a piece of bloody fantastic craftsmanship. Even his vampire senses hadn't noticed there was something off about her. And now his robot was the same way. She felt, looked and acted human. That Warren guy was a genius no doubt, but he wished he could find the idiot now so he could fix this 'I'm so, so happy with everything in the world' attitude the stupid mechanical blint had.
Well, now that won't be a problem as the Slayer has informed me that the robot is broke. I'm still in shock the slayer kissed me while trying to pretend she was the robot coming back after Willow had supposedly fixed her after the battle. I really thought she was the soddin' robot, had the whole act down perfect. But then as she bent to kiss me, I got a whiff of her, the real Buffy, and even through my pain after Glory got through beating the crap out of me, I'd know that scent, and the feel of her lips anywhere. Though I'd died and gone to heaven in just that simple touch she gave me.
I'm not going to argue with her, or even try to find out where she threw the thing away at. She is supremely pissed at me over the whole deal—and for once I can really see her reasons why, even hurting as bad as I am from what that Hell bitch, Glory, did to me. The Slayer called the robot "gross and obscene", well, maybe it was a little—sorry love, I never wanted you to know about it, it was to be my dirty little secret, it was all private and that. Never wanted you to know how bad my bloody obsession with you was. Though you got a good idea when you came below me crypt, and found my secret stash, and the things I had swiped. But hell, Slayer, I can't ever have anything private not with the lot of you, and yours barging in, come day or night when ever you please. So the proverbial cat is really out of the bag.
But looking at her, my slayer, I think she is grateful that I do care for her, despite all the hell, and bullshit we put each other through. The fact that on my own I was willing to sacrifice myself rather than betray her, or the Nibblet, means more to her than anything else I could have done to prove I do really care about her, and I'm not all full of bullshit. Damn, I really am finally getting my bloody crumb, and it feels good. I feel good that I did keep the Dawn's secret, and I kept my two loves safe—that's all that matters.
So the robot is gone…sigh. Though in the shape I'm in even the idea of sex with anything is going to be out for awhile until I bloody heal up. Even if Buffy herself had offered herself, no stings, and all I don't think I could do a bloody thing. It hurts too much to even sit up, or move. The Hell Bitch got me real good. But I'll heal, I always do eventually.
So there's where they stashed the thing in the basement of the bloody shop. Should have fucking known that they wouldn't just outright destroy, or get rid of the bloody robot. So Will got the thing working? Clever little witch she is. That girl definitely has the smarts if she can fix the thing, and then reprogram it. So the thing does a use after all as a decoy. Good idea Slayer, you really can come up with the plans. And the demons, around here think you're a dumb blond—I learned the hard way not to ever underestimate you in any situation.
So here we go into the final showdown. It worries me that the Slayer thinks we're all not going to make it. That's not like her. It's always been that everyone was going to make it out alive. This fight with Glory has got her shook worse than I've ever seen her. This is not good. Should I say something to the Watcher or the whelp clue them in on Buffy's state of mind, or not? Maybe it was just a temporary thing, her telling me that at her house, and I shouldn't be so unnerved by her comments? This is as grim as I have ever seen her before a final battle, and this makes my third--fourth one with her that I've been involved with one way, or the other. Except this time I am all the way on her side, and part of the group all the way.
It makes me almost light headed, bloody proud to think, despite everyone else's objections, she wants me with her by her side for this. And I still can't get over how much she has been coming to me for help with her sis and the others when just a short time ago I was the bloody scum of the earth for daring to let her know I loved her. So maybe she's using me, big deal, I don't bloody care as long as she just lets me be around her, and help. And she's even listening to what I have to say, along with the others, more than they did last year when I was more in with them.,
We won, but the victory feels, so bloody hollow. Because she's gone. Buffy is gone! The Slayer is dead. I want to be dead too. If I can just make it over into that beam of sunlight then I can be with her. No more pain, no more hurt, no more Spike mucking up the works. Dawn, let me please… I can't handle this…I can't handle seeing her all broken and not moving. Let me go –please? Watch the coat, Watcher. Okay, I'll move. I'll stay. Yeah, got to be strong, got to be strong because that's what Buffy would have wanted me to do, and the Nibblet does need me. We need each other if we're going to get through this soddin' mess.
So our world is safe again—big fucking hooray! The Hell Bitch is dead, and so is Ben thanks to Giles. And it was Giles, not Ripper, that did the deed because the Slayer couldn't. Then the damned portal got opened after all because I couldn't stop that damned Doc guy. I think I got him, and it'll all be over, but instead he grabs me, and he knife's me in the soddin' back, and throws me off the bloody tower. I failed my Nibblet, and I failed Buffy because I couldn't stop him and kill him. The soddin' demon cut her. He cut the girl I was supposed to protect with my life, and with her blood the soddin' portal open, and all manner of nasties escaped, and dimensional rifts occurred all over town, and maybe even elsewhere. But I don't know until later as I'm out of it from the fall, and feeling all my just barely healed bones and such beak and tear again. I wished I had known what Buffy had on her mind that night. Even as bad off as I was I would have tried to get my sorry ass up off the ground and gone after her. I would have found some way to stop her.
Dawn tried to, but she was in too much shock from what had happened to her, then realizing the portal was open, and what Buffy was going to do to close it that it numbed her more than she already was. She watched Buffy jump. She watched Buffy jump, and knew she couldn't stop her when it should been her doing the closing. She hates herself now for being so weak and helpless to stop her and for still being alive. Don't hate yourself, kid, please? I'm the one at bloody fault here, not you. I killed your sis, not you because I didn't do my soddin' job. I let everyone down. And my failure will bloody haunt me the rest of my undead life just like when I walked away and left with Dru when the Slayer needed help fighting Angelus. I was a soddin' failure then, and that's why I wanted to fix things, do things right this time. Blew that big time, didn't I?
But because I did blow it so bad, that's why I'm sticking with you, kid. I made that promise to your sis to protect you, and she told you that we all had to work together, and live no matter how hard it was. So that means to mean I got to take up where she left off with you, and even doing the slaying bit because someone has to. And it is bloody hard going on without her, her warmth, her love, her very presence. I know I'm no bloody substitute for her, but I gotta try, and take care of you. At least you aren't an insane vampire like Dru, just a supposedly normal human teenager. I don't know whether you're still this weird mystical "Key" thing, or not any more, but even if you are I am going to do my damnedest to protect you from the nasties.
I understand why, Will, you're fixing the soddin' robot. I understand all about social services, her Dad, and making it look to the demons around here that the Slayer survived the battle with Glory. Got to squash those nasty rumors right quick before we get overwhelmed. But I'm not happy about this at all. I'm letting you know that right off the bat. Yeah, got it about the appearances bit, got to make it look like we still have a Buffy around. Appearances are all all right, and cool, and are important, but it's bloody unnerving, that's all I got to say. Especially, until you do something about the bot's soddin' programming.
Okay, I'm sorry I had her programmed that way. Don't bloody laugh about it! It's not funny any more. It hurts to see the thing looking, and acting so much like her when our Buffy is gone, and ain't ever coming back. Yeah, it should bother you too. Can't you de-perk her a bit too? Make her a whole bunch less cheerful, and not so sickening sweet sounding? That really gets on my nerves. Buffy was never that bloody cheerful, and people are going to start suspecting something's wrong by the thing acting that way. Great, I so did not need to hear that that part of the programming can't be fixed because it's on the base levels. Remind me to kill Warren the next time he shows up. Soddin' idiot. Probably why he was unhappy with his if this is the base way they act. Well fix her the best you can, and I will try to put up with her.
All right, so it's fixed just keep the soddin' thing away from me. What do you mean I have to bloody patrol with it? You are way off your bloody gourd witch if you think I want the damned thing following me around. Will,… Will, back down Will! Don't bloody look at me that way. Make your eyes go back to normal! I take it all back—honest! Go back to normal—please! You're scaring me now! Don't go all hocus pocus on me, and turn me into a bloody toad, or whatever—okay? Okay, I got the message loud ,and clear—no complaints—honest! Just keep the witchy stuff down. And no bloody comments from the peanut gallery either, Nibblet.
Come on you bloody thing. Let's go patrol. And don't call me Spikey, you sound like bloody Harmony when you do that. And watch the hands. No bleeding hands on me, hugs, or trying to bloody seduce me. We're going out to kill soddin demons that's all—got it! And knock off the wetworks. Didn't think robots could cry. Yeah, thank Warren for me too, bloody pullock. No tears, no pouting, no hurt looks, no touchies, no feelies, no kisses, no anything, but finding, and killing the demons, and vampires out there. And you will bloody listen to me when I say stop, or don't do something—are we bloody clear on this now? Good, now let's go do it.
Okay, she's not that bad damaged. I did protect her—honest! We just got jumped by about fifteen damned vampires on motorcycles. We were fighting for our bloody lives out there. These guys were tough, lot better fighters than we've been used to seeing around her for a while. It was all I could do to get Nibblet out of danger. Least I got a bike out of the deal. Yeah, the bot got damaged, and you got her programmed to come find you if she got hurt, so what did you expect? I can't help it that that lot decided to trail her and jump you guys. So what were you doing out in the cemetery anyway? And what's with all the blood all over you? Deer isn't it? You're weird you know that? Okay, I get it—none of old Spikey's business—witchy stuff. Okay, I'll shut up now.
So one of them got away. Calm down, Will. I know. Yeah, he got away while I was trying to get the two off of her before they really fixed her good. You lot had your own problems, I see. Okay, the guy saw her wiring. Geez, girl, it was going happen sooner or later. It was just a matter of bloody time before someone caught on that this isn't the bloody slayer, and lived to tell about it.
What do you mean she can't be fixed? You got to Will. The Bot has to talk to social services Thursday. Ohh, thought I told you that. Forgot about it. Geez, I can't remember every soddin thing going on. Well, you are just going to have to fix her somehow. I tried to get them to reschedule, and they wouldn't. Great, just great—me? You want me to talk to them. Just because I have doesn't mean I'm any bloody good at it. No, I am not going to wear a bloody suit, or borrow one of the Watcher's. So, he left me one, big deal. I'm not doing it. Not that bloody puppy dog look from both of you, and you too, Nibblet. Okay, I'll do it—damned women. I am worse than the poof.
She's back! Buffy's back for real, and the lot of you didn't let me, or the Nibblet know what you were up to? I thought you all were my friends after all we're been through together—thanks loads! Same old crap. The lot of you haven't changed at all. Teach me to let my soddin' guard down, and believe that I really was one of you and you cared. Should have bloody known than when you could you'd give me the shaft as always when you didn't need me any more.
A nd why can't I bloody see her? Why? What's wrong? The spell go all wrong and she's not quite right—that's it isn't it. What the hell did you do, witch? Tell me! Don't be beating around the bush on this. Is it or isn't her? Do I got to be the one to bloody kill her—again? Is that what you're trying to say? Tell me dammit!
So she is okay then, but you still won't let me see her—why? I need to bloody see her, and I'm not leaving until I do. Don't care if I do get extra crisped waiting. Good, let her know I'm here. Let her bloody decide then.
Slayer? Buffy? Luv? It is you. They didn't soddin' lie to me. You are back. And you aren't a bloody vampire, or demon. You're. You….I'm so glad to see you back…yes, I bloody missed you. Why? Why do you think? You think I wouldn't? That's bloody stupid. I'm still here aren't I. Stayed when I could have left anytime. I know I failed you, and you died because I couldn't kill that Doc guy, but I did stay, and kept my promise to you to watch over Dawn. Even Harris can tell you what a good job I've been doing. And then Will fixed up the robot, and it, and I have been patrolling with the rest of the Scoobies trying to fill your shoes, and keep the demons down, but there isn't anyone that can like you do, luv.
Don't cry, luv. I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm sorry, luv. I'll be all right, it really will be—I promise. Right then, I understand. I do really. Coming back from being all dead, you're all tired, and all…at least you look better than I did coming back. Hey, that was a compliment—I wasn't trying to start something. Yeah, you're back, you haven't lost it at all, same old slayer. Just hoped your disposition would have improved. Well, can't have everything I guess. See you around, luv. You know where to find me if you need me. I'll be going then, night, luv.
I'm really glad you're back , Buffy.
It's a beautiful night in the neighborhood….a beautiful night in the neighborhood because my baby's back, and she's going to be kicking demon ass all over Sunnyhell…and this time I ain't ever letting her go…. Ohh, yeah!
The end—really. See I really can do a short story.
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