Kentucky Fried Nerima
A Multi-SI Ranma Fic
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Chapter 1:
Wake up to Reality?
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By: Master Jahaj
Deappt X
Shades
Disclaimer:
I only own myself. My friends own themselves. Rumiko
Takahashi owns everything else.
* * *
Waking up is something that everyone does everyday. Most
people wake up to alarms, complaining children, or
something else. But most all of them wish they had a few
more minutes or hours of nappy-time.
Mike didn't like waking up this day. Maybe it was because
he woke up very quickly; say less then his usual five
minutes. Maybe it was because of the cold feeling he had
like when the comforter and sheets fell of his bed.
No, today it was because he awoke to find himself
submerged in a pool of water and was quickly finding that
trying to breathe water like a fish wasn't working.
Panicking, Mike scrambled towards the surface he hoped
wasn't far away. As his vision began to blur and darken, his
hand broke the surface and struck something solid. Without
thinking, he shot his other hand out and was able to drag
himself partly out of the water before blacking out.
* * *
Daniel also didn't like waking up, though his reason was
quite a bit different. He woke up in time to see a beach ball
slam into his face before going unconscious again.
Bad luck Daniel.
* * *
Roush, unlike his friends, actually liked waking up that
day. He found himself standing near the edge of a cliff
overlooking a beautiful valley in the mountains. He
breathed in the crisp mountain air and smiled at the fresh
scent. His smile faltered as he thought about how he arrived
here and only remembered being in Daniel's dorm room
then being here.
His thoughts were interrupted by a rampaging panda
running out of the brush behind and knocking him off the
edge of the cliff. Roush's life flashed before him including
a large number of hours of anime. One scene suddenly
stood out more than anything else.
"OH SHI-- * SPLASH *"
* * *
"That was pathetic." Chaos said as he watched the screen.
Disorder could only nod in response.
* * *
Mike woke up for the second time that day, but this time
was in much more comfortable surroundings. The bed he
was lying in felt well used but still comfortable. The
comforter was cool enough for him to know that he had
either just been placed there or had been asleep fro quite
some time.
Any other observations were cut off by a tremendous
coughing fit that doubled Mike over. After almost two full
minutes of choking coughs, Mike finally hacked to a stop
and flopped back onto the bed totally exhausted.
"Is you alright, sir?"
Mike turned his head toward the voice and saw a blurry
green blob standing in the doorway. He blinked a couple of
times in an unsuccessful attempt to clear his vision.
"Not really." Mike croaked, then froze. His voice was no
longer the deep bass that he remembered. This new voice
was more of a shrill soprano if his eight years of chorus was
any judge. He slowly raised his hand, and stated to shake as
he realized it wasn't his. "What the hell?"
"This one very sorry," The man in the doorway said. "You
fall in Nyaniichan, Spring of Drowned Girl. You nearly
drown, but this one save you."
As the shock that was surrounding his mind let that
penetrate, Mike went from shocked to confused to pissed in
little over a second. "AW HELL NO!!"
The Jusenkyo Guide was used to most people's reactions.
Shock, anger and confusion were all typical. Screaming
curses about cats in English and pacing around the room
gesturing the ways they were going to skin said cats was a
first. That wasn't the last of the firsts either.
Taking a few seconds to reel in his/her temper, Mike let out
a long breath and turned to the guide. "Thanks for saving
me. Could I trouble you for some hot water?"
The Guide nearly fell over. This boy-turned-girl who didn't
even listen to him when he and his father arrived was
asking for hot water!
"How you know about curses?" He managed to ask as he
returned with a kettle of water.
"Long stor-" Mike, for the second time that day, blacked
out as the water cascaded onto him/her.
* * *
"-ry AAH!" Mike fell back as a sudden weight on his back
pulled him onto his backside. Shaking the dizziness away,
Mike looked around and saw that he was no longer in the
room he was in just a moment ago. Now he was in a forest
with a panda and the Guide in front of him. And it was
raining.
Mike sat there a second watching the panda and Guide
walk away as the implications started to sink in. "Aw hell
no. This is not funny."
He rushed to catch up to the other two men (well, man and
a panda) when an idea struck him. 'Well,' he thought 'They
did say have fun.'
An evil grin spread across his face.
* * *
Daniel groaned as consciousness returned to him. He never
remembered beach balls being that hard or ever being
knocked out by one. He hauled himself out of the pile of
garbage he was lying in and pulled a pair of glasses out of
his robes. That's when he realized something was really
wrong.
'White robe; check. Long hair; check. Multitudes of
weapons, sharp or otherwise; check.' He counted off to
confirm his suspicions. 'Oh joy. I'm Mousse,' he mentally
deadpanned.
He put on his glasses and was surprised to find that they
were the right prescription unlike the person he was
portraying. Wandering around the rustic village, he spied
the Challenge Log and crowd surrounding it. He also spied
three very familiar people entering through the gate.
'I think I'll just watch and let the show run its course.'
Daniel thought. 'Besides, I have to find Mike and Roush.
Then I can start having some fun.'
Like Mike, an evil grin found it's way to his face.
* * *
While all this was taking place, Roush finally found his
pack and clothes after nearly being boiled alive in the
Guide's hut.
"Just great," he fumed, "I get to be Ryoga, the 'lost boy,'
Hibiki. This sucks!"
Like his two friends, inspiration struck.
"Hmm. If I am Ryoga then..." Roush started to chuckle,
evilly of course.
* * *
Meanwhile, back at the village.
Mike watched Genma gorge himself on the buffet and
fought to keep a smirk hidden. Right on cue, the table
shattered in front of him and the lavender-haired village
champion started to question him.
"You there. What you panda doing?" The Guide translated.
Mike shrugged. "Not my panda. I don't own it," he said
truthfully. He was glad to see the girl start to fume as the
Guide translated.
"Then you no care if we take." The girl said as she leaned
closer to Mike.
"You best back off, or else I may have to move you
myself." Mike said, suddenly wondering if he had Ranma's
skills. If he didn't, this was going to be a short, yet brutal,
fight.
The Amazon needed no further prodding as swung her
bonbori at the space occupied by Mike's head a moment
before. Feeling a slight pressure on her head, she continued
her swing by twisting around.
Mike had landed a few inches outside of the kill-zone and
took a few steps back as the girl advanced on him, still
swinging.
After letting her build up a rhythm, he preformed a simple
snap-kick that hit her on the forearm, causing her to drop
one of the maces and flip back to gain some distance and
reevaluate her opponent. Mike merely narrowed his eyes
and smirked at the girl.
Growing tired of waiting for her opponent to make a move,
Shampoo charged in suddenly and kicked at the other girl's
mid-section, only to have her foot caught and twisted,
sending her into the dirt.
Mike wasn't finished though and started spinning, still
holding Shampoo's foot. Building up enough momentum,
he flung her into the crowd that had followed them. A few
of the other Amazons were able to catch her and set her
back on her feet as Mike raced in and leap-kicked her in the
face.
She went down like a sack of potatoes. But again, Mike
wasn't finished. He picked up the semi-conscious girl and
kneed her in the stomach and head-butted her in the face,
breaking her nose in the process, before dropping her. A
few vicious kicks to the ribs insured the girl wasn't going
to be getting up anytime soon.
The rest of the village stared on in shock at the sight of
their champion being beaten like a rag doll.
"Anyone else?" Seeing the shock on their faces, Mike
decided it was time to leave. The crowd parted as he made
his way back to where the panda and Guide were sitting.
Picking up his pack and a cup of still warm tea, he threw
the tea on Genma, reverting him back to his true form.
"We're leaving."
They left without any trouble from the shell-shocked
crowd.
* * *
One thought was going through Daniel's head as he
watched the trio leave.
That's not the way it happened.
This lead to one conclusion: That wasn't the 'real'Ranma.
Grinning like a maniac, Daniel began to make plans to go
to Japan.
* * *
A few weeks later.
"I still don't see why my son agreed to something this
stupid." Genma complained as he looked at the redhead
next to him.
"You're one to talk about stupid ideas Genma" Mike
replied. "Besides, it makes perfect sense. We share a body
and to keep me from putting him in totally embarrassing
situations, we switch off days."
"But the boy should be training or finding a cure instead of
this...nonsense."
"Look Genma, I've already told you. I'll keep training this
body and not tell Ranma of any of the other things you've
done to or for him as long as you shut the hell up."
Genma grumbled about that. Somehow the girl had been
able to get him to sigh a contract saying that he couldn't do
anything as long as she never did anything that would bring
shame to the family name and kept up with training. What
was most frustrating was that he couldn't tell his son what
the girl was doing.
And what did plucking chestnuts out of a fire have to do
with training anyway? It was a waste of perfectly good
chestnuts in his opinion.
"Anyway Genma," Mike said, stopping the older man's
grumbling. "Isn't today the day we're supposed to meet the
Tendos?"
Genma's grumbling increased. "The boy should meet them
first. He is going to marry one you know."
"I know," Mike said as she pulled out an umbrella. "But it
would be better if they met me first. Who better to tell them
about the curses than me, ne?"
Genma started growling in reply, then paused and looked
down at his fur-covered body.
*You planned this didn't you?* his sign read.
"Wow, the panda's getting smarter." Mike said
sarcastically as she lit at cigarette and took a drag off of it.
Genma groaned as only a panda could as the pair walked
the rest of the way to the Tendo Dojo.
* * *
Genma sat just outside the door and waited. He didn't
really like the plan Mike had come up with, but it was a
good way to test his old friend and was, he had to admit, a
pretty funny idea.
A few seconds after he had knocked, the door opened to
reveal a lovely looking girl in a Kimono as well as his long
time friend. They stared at him for a few seconds before he
raised a paw and growled hello to them.
Then, in perfect unison, they turned and ran screaming
back into the house.
"What did I tell ya?" Mike grinned from beside the door.
Genma merely snorted and smiled despite himself as he
entered the house. Mike followed, pausing only to set their
packs inside and kick off her shoes.
Mike could hear the heated discussion on the other side of
the panda quite clearly and waited for his mark. "Mind
moving your big furry butt Genma?"
"W-w-who?" Soun managed to stutter.
"Name's Mike, pleasure to meet you." Mike bowed to the
Tendos. That seemed to relax the family a bit. "But I'm
also known as Ranma Saotome."
"Ranma?" Soun asked then engulfed Mike in a bear hug.
"At last you've come!"
Nabiki gave her the once over before pronouncing, "He's
cute."
"I'm so glad you're here-" Soun cut off, pushing Mike back
to arms length and blinking. At that point Nabiki stepped in
and examined Mike's chest.
"Ranma's not a boy," She stated finally. "He's a girl."
And Soun passed out.
Mike cocked an eyebrow. "Well, that was entertaining."
* * *
"You study Kempo right?" Akane asked.
"Among other things," Mike replied as she stepped into the
dojo.
"Well, how about a little match then?"
"Only if you promise not to hold back."
Akane was taken a little aback at the request, but agreed to
it. 'Besides,' she thought. 'It's not like Mike, Ranma,
whatever she wanted to call herself, could be that much
better than me. I'm a martial artist too.'
Akane let loose with a flurry of punches that were all either
evaded or blocked by Mike. Mike responded with a sweep
kick that Akane jumped over followed by a punch that set
the girl just off balance as she landed, sending her to the
floor.
Akane rolled with it and came up in a defensive crouch a
few feet away.
"Not bad," Mike said. "But you need to work on your
balance some."
Akane growled and launched herself at Mike. Her punch
was easily caught and Mike pushed on it sending the girl
off balance again. Another quick foot sweep sent Akane to the
floor again.
"Temper, temper." Mike pulled the girl to her feet.
"Attacking in anger will only get you hurt."
Akane almost struck out again when it hit her. Mike wasn't
even trying. "Wow, you're pretty good."
Mike smiled, "You would be too if you trained for a few
hours everyday for the past ten years. Come on, I think
Genma and your father are about to the point they need my
help."
Akane followed Mike out the door wondering what she
meant by that.
* * *
Soun stared at his friend as if he had grown a second head.
"Saotome, are you serious?"
Genma nodded. "I know how it sounds Tendo, but that's
the truth. The girl even has me under contract to tell it to
you."
"And what DID you tell him?" Mike questioned from the
doorway with Akane behind her. "Or should I get the rest
of the family and tell them the truth after beating the crap
out of you?"
Genma growled at the girl before speaking. "I only told
him what you said to."
"What are you two talking about?" Akane asked.
Mike turned to her. "If you'll go get your sisters and some
hot water, we'll tell you."
Akane looked confused at the request, but nodded and
headed off. A few minutes later, Akane returned with her
sisters.
Mike looked at the group and nodded before starting. "How
many of you believe in magic? Not what you see at magic
shows, but real magic."
"You mean like turning people into frogs and stuff?"
Nabiki asked skeptically.
"Yeah, pretty much." Mike looked at the girls and noted
their looks before continuing. "Well then, be prepared to
have everything you know thrown out the window."
With that, Mike grabbed a suddenly surprised Genma and
threw him into the koi pond. A series of gasps and shrieks
followed the emergence of a panda from the pond instead
of Genma.
"Oh, my." "What the.." "A p-panda?"
Mike turned back to the wide-eyed Tendos and continued.
"What you see before you is the result of a cursed training
ground called Jusenkyo. And if you even say it I'll smack
you." Mike said to Soun who immediately shut his mouth.
"The basic version of the story is that you physically turn
into whatever drowned in the spring that you fell into. Cold
water will change you into that animal, being, or whatever.
Hot water will change you back to your birth form."
"So what do you turn into?" Kasumi asked sweetly.
"A girl." Mike said and waited for it to penetrate before
adding. "But that's not the whole story about me."
"What do you mean?" Nabiki asked as she glanced at the
now fuming Akane.
"What I mean is that I woke up _inside_ the spring and I
black out whenever hit with hot water. Ranma's the same
but in reverse. I also have no memories of this world before
I woke up." Mike smiled slyly at the veil of half-truths.
True, he woke up in the spring, and he didn't have any
memories of _this_ world. Only memories of manga and anime
pertaining to it.
"So what does that make you? Some type of alternate
personality to something?"
"That's what Genma thinks. The Guide thinks I'm more of
a reincarnation of the spirit of the spring."
"What do you think you are?" Kasumi asked.
Mike thought about it for a few seconds. "Well, I guess the
easiest explanation would be that I'm a twenty year old
college student from the US that got sent into a parallel
dimension by a pair of giant cats to get out of a homework
assignment."
Everyone stared at her for a few seconds before Nabiki
broke the silence.
"I think I'll go with one of the first two." The rest of the
family quickly agreed. "So, when do we get to meet the
'real' Ranma?"
Without another word, Mike picked up the kettle Kasumi
brought in earlier and dumped the contents on her head...
...and woke up five minutes later when Akane knocked
Ranma into the Koi pond.
'Jesus,' Mike thought as she got out of the pond. 'Can't
leave that guy on his own for a second before he's screwing
stuff up.'
"I'm sorry Mike," Akane apologized. "But Ranma..."
"Believe me I know." Mike interrupted. "Let me guess, you
got stuck with him." At Akane's nod, Mike sighed, "Well if
you don't mind, I'm going to take a bath and turn in."
And with that, Mike left muttering about stupid bastards
and idiotic dykes in English.