PART IV
"So you WERE here the whole time...!" Shigeru exclaimed. "Well, doesn't that just beat all!"
"Sh... sh... shi..."
"But why are you at the airport? Don't tell me you're going back?"
"Shigeru-san!?" Tsukushi finally got the words out of her mouth.
"Does that mean Tsukasa's okay? He's coming back too? Where is he?" Shigeru looked around excitedly. "HEY! Tsukasa!" she yelled into the busy terminal. "Where's he at?"
"Um..." Tsukushi looked sheepish.
"Tsukushi!" Shigeru's eyes went wide with alarm. She grabbed her friend's shoulders in sudden panic. "You-- you didn't! You're not leaving without him, are you?"
Tsukushi was silent. She hung her head.
Shigeru shook her. "Tsukushi!!"
It took two cups of tea to even lift Tsukushi's head. She was so utterly humiliated, so defeated, she couldn't even cry. Shigeru looked at her, bent her head to try to meet her eyes, shrugged, sighed, took a sip of tea, and then started again from step one. The silence hung long and thick between the two of them.
She hadn't even been able to navigate Tsukushi out of the airport. There was something about going back out into the city that Tsukushi recoiled at reflexively, as though it represented something she was trying very hard to forget about. Finally, sighing, Shigeru had led her to a quiet corner of an airport cafe, somewhat secluded from the bustling activity by hanging plants and a shadowy atmosphere. Finally, she cleared her throat and pointed at her accusingly.
"You're not getting out of here until you tell me what's going on, Tsukushi," she admonished. "So just spit it out already."
Tsukushi stared at the pointing finger with a mixture of anger and sorrow. Finally she sighed and dared to meet Shigeru's eyes. "I gave up," she said.
"WHAT!?????"
All pretense of privacy was broken then, as the rest of the cafe gasped at the disbelieving shriek that Shigeru sent flying through the air. Eyes turned on them. Tsukushi couldn't feel them, though, and Shigeru didn't care. These were the only words she had never thought she'd heard come from Tsukushi's lips.
"Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute!" Shigeru pounded on the table, coming dangerously close to upsetting her cup of tea. "You gave UP!? With a face like that I thought maybe Tsukasa was DEAD or something! Or you had to go back because Tsukasa's mother's goons were holding your family hostage or something! But you don't give up! What on earth would make YOU," she emphasized angrily, "give UP!?"
Tsukushi sighed. "I realized I'm not good for him..."
"Who are you and what have you done with my friend!?" Shigeru demanded.
"Seriously, Shigeru-san!" Tsukushi blurted out, her eyes flashing. "He's doing work at his company now, and he's doing a good job! What could I say to him? 'Come back to Japan where we have to sneak around like a bunch of spies, and lose all your money and your whole future just so you can go out with me'? I saw him, Shigeru-san," she confessed. "He's happy. I can't get in the way of that!"
"You're NUTS!" Shigeru shouted, not caring who could hear. "Did you think about this even for a minute? What are you going to do with a weak will like that? I thought you were stronger than this, Tsukushi!"
Tsukushi's eyes vibrated with hurt. "It's not about me being strong. I have to think about what's best for him..."
"YOU are!" Shigeru's eyes filled with tears. "Tsukushi, do you have any idea how much that boy has been through for you? Think about it! Just think!"
"I have thought!" Tsukushi retorted. "Ever since I came into his life it's been one disaster after another. He's nearly DIED I don't know how many times! I've caused him so much pain already - he's much better off without me!"
Shigeru raised her hand and slapped Tsukushi across the face.
A stream of salty tears watered the deep flush of Tsukushi's cheek and it reddened and swelled where Shigeru had struck her. Head spinning, cheek stinging, Tsukushi looked up at her with eyes full of pain and fear. Shigeru stared at her own hand for a minute, then looked Tsukushi directly in the eyes. Her own eyes glistened with tears.
"Don't you... ever... say that again," she whispered tremulously, seethingly, as though if she were to raise her voice even a bit it would explode into shouting. "Don't you forget, Tsukushi. I let go of him so he could be with you. And as for causing him pain... I've seen the pain he's in when he's without you, Tsukushi! That's the one thing you'll never be able to see.
"You think you cause him pain? You think you put him into dangerous situations? Is that what you're afraid of?" Shigeru's tears broke forth and her voice swelled with emotion. "Did you think for a single minute WHY he's gone through all that? WHAT was Tsukasa suffering FOR!?"
.... i believe you ...
Tsukushi gasped as a tiny voice of memory, like a flickering candle, touched her somewhere deep inside.
I believe you.
The first time he'd embraced her with love and sorrow in his eyes, he'd said "I believe you."
I believe you, he'd said. I love you, he'd said. And he'd said so much more than that...
... say just once that you love me ... i thought my heart would stop ... into hell or wherever you go... it would have been my loss... I wouldn't have protected you... i'm in love with her, so it doesn't matter... i'll protect you, i'll take on anything ... if i don't leave home i can't protect you... i can't live without you ... i'll make you happy... don't be confused, believe in me...
....believe in me...
...believe in me...
"I'm sorry, Shigeru-san," Tsukushi's voice broke. "I'm so sorry..."
Shigeru reached down to embrace her. "It's okay. It's okay," she whispered, folding her arms about her friend and stroking her hair. "I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have hit you. Forgive me?"
Tsukushi whimpered something in a small voice against Shigeru's shoulder.
"What was that?" Shigeru asked.
"I said," smiled Tsukushi through her tears, "you definitely should have hit me." She gave a little choking giggle. "That's just like you, Shigeru-san."
"I don't know if that's a compliment..." Shigeru mused.
"I don't know either," Tsukushi said, lifting her head.
The two girls looked at each other for a long moment. And then they laughed.
"So we've got to think of a plan," Shigeru stirred her tea vigorously, as though that would stir her brain up faster. "You want me to disguise myself and sneak into the office as a janitor or something?"
"Um... Shigeru-san... that's a little..." Tsukushi laughed a little shakily. She had no great desire to play detective with a hyperactive, reality-impaired Shigeru. But once she'd agreed to give Operation: Rescue Doumyouji another try, she was afraid she was stuck with a partner who was worse than a lethal weapon.
"I know, I know," Shigeru laughed happily. "First thing is to get you into the house when he's there. But how do we know when he's not in the office?"
"Tama-senpai!" Tsukushi said suddenly, snapping her fingers.
"Eh?"
"I can get that information," Tsukushi said. "I have someone who can help me with that."
"Great!" Shigeru clapped her hands. Tsukushi grinned in response. It was hard not to be enthused by such energy. And thank God, this time Shigeru's overexcited mood was working for her instead of unknowingly planting her in the middle of uncomfortable situations! "Then we'll set a time to get you in, and I'll make sure his mother's out at the time."
"You will?" Thrown, Tsukushi blinked. "Huh? How?"
The beginnings of a giggle played at Shigeru's lips. She winked and saluted proudly. "Just leave it to me!"
"Will you at least let me buy you a hotel room?" Shigeru slung her arm about Tsukushi's shoulders as they strolled to the taxi stand.
"Sure..." Tsukushi nodded, weak from the roller coaster of emotion she'd been riding that night. The raw streaks of tears had barely faded from her face when the laughter began, and her cheeks were crisscrossed with blotches and streaks of red from both extremes.
"Oh, yeah," Shigeru went on. "I talked to the boys before I left. Your friends are fine."
Tsukushi nodded, then giggled. "The 'boys'?" she questioned, twisting her lips around the word quizzically.
"You know," Shigeru said with a touch of exasperation. "The usual suspects. The three stooges. The F3."
"I know," Tsukushi laughed, "but, 'boys?' How would Nishikado-san feel about being called a 'boy,' I wonder?"
Shigeru smiled. "We'll ask him when we get back," she said simply.
"Right..." Tsukushi answered her smile with her own, feeling a warmth return to her heart that had been gone for so long. Something she'd forgotten existed. It was hope. And as the taxicab sped away from the airport and back into town, Tsukushi felt lifted by great white wings of it. She clutched her fist to her heart, trying to keep it from escaping again.
They reached the hotel, and for the first time since she'd come to this place, she slept, dreamlessly, soundly. Here, beside a friend who had come to support her, and who loved her, she could finally rest. And tomorrow morning, she would awaken to a whole new beginning.
"So you WERE here the whole time...!" Shigeru exclaimed. "Well, doesn't that just beat all!"
"Sh... sh... shi..."
"But why are you at the airport? Don't tell me you're going back?"
"Shigeru-san!?" Tsukushi finally got the words out of her mouth.
"Does that mean Tsukasa's okay? He's coming back too? Where is he?" Shigeru looked around excitedly. "HEY! Tsukasa!" she yelled into the busy terminal. "Where's he at?"
"Um..." Tsukushi looked sheepish.
"Tsukushi!" Shigeru's eyes went wide with alarm. She grabbed her friend's shoulders in sudden panic. "You-- you didn't! You're not leaving without him, are you?"
Tsukushi was silent. She hung her head.
Shigeru shook her. "Tsukushi!!"
It took two cups of tea to even lift Tsukushi's head. She was so utterly humiliated, so defeated, she couldn't even cry. Shigeru looked at her, bent her head to try to meet her eyes, shrugged, sighed, took a sip of tea, and then started again from step one. The silence hung long and thick between the two of them.
She hadn't even been able to navigate Tsukushi out of the airport. There was something about going back out into the city that Tsukushi recoiled at reflexively, as though it represented something she was trying very hard to forget about. Finally, sighing, Shigeru had led her to a quiet corner of an airport cafe, somewhat secluded from the bustling activity by hanging plants and a shadowy atmosphere. Finally, she cleared her throat and pointed at her accusingly.
"You're not getting out of here until you tell me what's going on, Tsukushi," she admonished. "So just spit it out already."
Tsukushi stared at the pointing finger with a mixture of anger and sorrow. Finally she sighed and dared to meet Shigeru's eyes. "I gave up," she said.
"WHAT!?????"
All pretense of privacy was broken then, as the rest of the cafe gasped at the disbelieving shriek that Shigeru sent flying through the air. Eyes turned on them. Tsukushi couldn't feel them, though, and Shigeru didn't care. These were the only words she had never thought she'd heard come from Tsukushi's lips.
"Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute!" Shigeru pounded on the table, coming dangerously close to upsetting her cup of tea. "You gave UP!? With a face like that I thought maybe Tsukasa was DEAD or something! Or you had to go back because Tsukasa's mother's goons were holding your family hostage or something! But you don't give up! What on earth would make YOU," she emphasized angrily, "give UP!?"
Tsukushi sighed. "I realized I'm not good for him..."
"Who are you and what have you done with my friend!?" Shigeru demanded.
"Seriously, Shigeru-san!" Tsukushi blurted out, her eyes flashing. "He's doing work at his company now, and he's doing a good job! What could I say to him? 'Come back to Japan where we have to sneak around like a bunch of spies, and lose all your money and your whole future just so you can go out with me'? I saw him, Shigeru-san," she confessed. "He's happy. I can't get in the way of that!"
"You're NUTS!" Shigeru shouted, not caring who could hear. "Did you think about this even for a minute? What are you going to do with a weak will like that? I thought you were stronger than this, Tsukushi!"
Tsukushi's eyes vibrated with hurt. "It's not about me being strong. I have to think about what's best for him..."
"YOU are!" Shigeru's eyes filled with tears. "Tsukushi, do you have any idea how much that boy has been through for you? Think about it! Just think!"
"I have thought!" Tsukushi retorted. "Ever since I came into his life it's been one disaster after another. He's nearly DIED I don't know how many times! I've caused him so much pain already - he's much better off without me!"
Shigeru raised her hand and slapped Tsukushi across the face.
A stream of salty tears watered the deep flush of Tsukushi's cheek and it reddened and swelled where Shigeru had struck her. Head spinning, cheek stinging, Tsukushi looked up at her with eyes full of pain and fear. Shigeru stared at her own hand for a minute, then looked Tsukushi directly in the eyes. Her own eyes glistened with tears.
"Don't you... ever... say that again," she whispered tremulously, seethingly, as though if she were to raise her voice even a bit it would explode into shouting. "Don't you forget, Tsukushi. I let go of him so he could be with you. And as for causing him pain... I've seen the pain he's in when he's without you, Tsukushi! That's the one thing you'll never be able to see.
"You think you cause him pain? You think you put him into dangerous situations? Is that what you're afraid of?" Shigeru's tears broke forth and her voice swelled with emotion. "Did you think for a single minute WHY he's gone through all that? WHAT was Tsukasa suffering FOR!?"
.... i believe you ...
Tsukushi gasped as a tiny voice of memory, like a flickering candle, touched her somewhere deep inside.
I believe you.
The first time he'd embraced her with love and sorrow in his eyes, he'd said "I believe you."
I believe you, he'd said. I love you, he'd said. And he'd said so much more than that...
... say just once that you love me ... i thought my heart would stop ... into hell or wherever you go... it would have been my loss... I wouldn't have protected you... i'm in love with her, so it doesn't matter... i'll protect you, i'll take on anything ... if i don't leave home i can't protect you... i can't live without you ... i'll make you happy... don't be confused, believe in me...
....believe in me...
...believe in me...
"I'm sorry, Shigeru-san," Tsukushi's voice broke. "I'm so sorry..."
Shigeru reached down to embrace her. "It's okay. It's okay," she whispered, folding her arms about her friend and stroking her hair. "I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have hit you. Forgive me?"
Tsukushi whimpered something in a small voice against Shigeru's shoulder.
"What was that?" Shigeru asked.
"I said," smiled Tsukushi through her tears, "you definitely should have hit me." She gave a little choking giggle. "That's just like you, Shigeru-san."
"I don't know if that's a compliment..." Shigeru mused.
"I don't know either," Tsukushi said, lifting her head.
The two girls looked at each other for a long moment. And then they laughed.
"So we've got to think of a plan," Shigeru stirred her tea vigorously, as though that would stir her brain up faster. "You want me to disguise myself and sneak into the office as a janitor or something?"
"Um... Shigeru-san... that's a little..." Tsukushi laughed a little shakily. She had no great desire to play detective with a hyperactive, reality-impaired Shigeru. But once she'd agreed to give Operation: Rescue Doumyouji another try, she was afraid she was stuck with a partner who was worse than a lethal weapon.
"I know, I know," Shigeru laughed happily. "First thing is to get you into the house when he's there. But how do we know when he's not in the office?"
"Tama-senpai!" Tsukushi said suddenly, snapping her fingers.
"Eh?"
"I can get that information," Tsukushi said. "I have someone who can help me with that."
"Great!" Shigeru clapped her hands. Tsukushi grinned in response. It was hard not to be enthused by such energy. And thank God, this time Shigeru's overexcited mood was working for her instead of unknowingly planting her in the middle of uncomfortable situations! "Then we'll set a time to get you in, and I'll make sure his mother's out at the time."
"You will?" Thrown, Tsukushi blinked. "Huh? How?"
The beginnings of a giggle played at Shigeru's lips. She winked and saluted proudly. "Just leave it to me!"
"Will you at least let me buy you a hotel room?" Shigeru slung her arm about Tsukushi's shoulders as they strolled to the taxi stand.
"Sure..." Tsukushi nodded, weak from the roller coaster of emotion she'd been riding that night. The raw streaks of tears had barely faded from her face when the laughter began, and her cheeks were crisscrossed with blotches and streaks of red from both extremes.
"Oh, yeah," Shigeru went on. "I talked to the boys before I left. Your friends are fine."
Tsukushi nodded, then giggled. "The 'boys'?" she questioned, twisting her lips around the word quizzically.
"You know," Shigeru said with a touch of exasperation. "The usual suspects. The three stooges. The F3."
"I know," Tsukushi laughed, "but, 'boys?' How would Nishikado-san feel about being called a 'boy,' I wonder?"
Shigeru smiled. "We'll ask him when we get back," she said simply.
"Right..." Tsukushi answered her smile with her own, feeling a warmth return to her heart that had been gone for so long. Something she'd forgotten existed. It was hope. And as the taxicab sped away from the airport and back into town, Tsukushi felt lifted by great white wings of it. She clutched her fist to her heart, trying to keep it from escaping again.
They reached the hotel, and for the first time since she'd come to this place, she slept, dreamlessly, soundly. Here, beside a friend who had come to support her, and who loved her, she could finally rest. And tomorrow morning, she would awaken to a whole new beginning.