AUTHERS NOTE: this is my first fic, please r&r
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the x men they belong to marvel, Lister and the talking toaster belong to Rob Grant and Doug Naylor productions, I think that's all. Enjoy!!
Blue hairballs
By
8 ball
One night at dinner all the x men sat down and started to eat.
Cyclops: Where is Jean? Has anyone seen her?
Remy: Remy t'ink Rogue be missing too, non?!
All the x men went up to Jeans room, only to find a note on her bed.
Wolverine picked it up and read it out loud.
Wolverine: I have kidnapped Jean and Rogue, mwhahahahahahahahahaha. I have stashed them in the local shopping centre's wheelie bin. And you will only see them if you can stop the rubbish truck from getting them, mwhahahahahaha
Cyclops: Wolverine, you kidnapped Jean, I'll kill you!!
Everyone sighed and whispered dumb arse.
Kurt: He was just reading what was on the note
Cyclops: Oh
Wolverine chuckled and muttered something. Cyclops just gave Wolverine a glare and then changed the subject.
Cyclops: So, where were you this morning for danger room training? You know actions have an effect on everyone in the team, blah blah blah blah blah blah ( and that's exactly what everyone was hearing).
Cyclops waited for Wolverine's response, but because Wolverine hadn't actually been listening, he was a bit stuck for words. So he said the only thing that came to mind.
Wolverine: Hey, if I wanted to hear from an ARSEHOLE, I would have farted!
Mostly everyone laughed. And at that Wolverine decided it would be best to leave the room Cyclops bottom lip began to quiver so he bit down on it, then tears began to well up in his eyes, all he could do was run from the humiliation of everyone seeing him crying.
Remy: Pansy!
Beast: I fully agree with that remark. My stomach craves sustenance.
Bobby: Yeah me too, lets get some Twinkies.
Beast and Bobby left the room leaving Remy, Kurt and Storm too look at each other.
Storm: Sooooooooooooo, where's Jubilee?
She said trying to change the subject.
Remy: Who knows, who cares, Remy don' care, let's be goin'.
Later that evening Cyclops burst into the room while everyone was watching Superman on TV. Beast and Bobby were having a debate about Superman.
Beast: You cannot sit there and tell me that Superman's inability to get laid, is going to make him lose the battle.
Bobby: Ok, fine. But it's about time that someone told him that flying around in a tight fitting suit without the full package is embarrassing.
Beast: Point taken
Cyclops: Anyway more importantly JEAN AND ROGUE ARE MISSING!!!
Wolverine: Well duh
Jubilee: Cyclops is such a der brain.
Everyone chuckled including Cyclops, who thought the comment was meant for Wolverine.
Cyclops: Kurt! Your wife and my sister are out there
Kurt: Um, that doesn't sound right
Bobby: Does anything Cyclops say make sense?
Jubilee: Kurt, you have a wife? looks like someone's been sneaking around.
She said with a suspicious sort of tone in her voice and with a giggle. Kurt just sighed, he wasn't even going to try and explain to Jubilee that he doesn't have a wife.
Cyclops still trying to be heroic spoke
Cyclops: And we must go and rescue them at once!
Professor X Bursts into the room with something blue and slimy on his head. He began screaming hysterically:
Prof X: Get it off, GET IT OFF!!
Jubilee: Ewwww, gross I'm not touching that.
Storm quickly summoned the winds and blew it off the prof's head and out the window, making sure it landed on Cyclops's head, who was conveniently outside the window, thanks to me.
Kurt: What the hell was that?
Prof. X: Why do you ask me questions to which you already know the answers?
Kurt: huh?
Prof X: Beast spilt syrup all over his fur and started licking it off. He then proceeded to coughing up hairballs which are everywhere all over the mansion including the danger room's main control unit. Therefore the danger room is no longer accessible until someone gets the nerve to pry it out, and let me tell you it's a very stubborn hairball.
Everyone sighed with relief. Cyclops entered the room again looking very disoriented, with bits of blue fur mattered in his hair.
Cyclops: The rubbish truck is heading towards the shopping centre! We must hurry!!!
Cyclops and Kurt went down to the bin to find Rogue and Jean.
Cyclops: I have visual on the bin, come right away!
Talking into his walkie-talkie thing.
Kurt: Um, I right next to you Scott
Cyclops: Ssshhh, no names someone might hear.
Kurt rolling his eyes walked up to the wheelie bin and started pulling out Rogue and Jean who were unconscious.
Talkie Toaster: Stop right there I am the Talking Toaster, you will bow before me.
Cyclops immediately bowed with a squeal.
Kurt: What do you want with us!!!
Talkie toaster: I want you to eat my toast!!
Kurt raised an eyebrow.
Cyclops: Noooo, don't give in Nightcrawler, be strong my friend.
Just then Beast came running down the street screaming
Beast: Never fear Beast is here!!
And then Beast started hocking up hairballs at the Toaster, which landed directly on Cyclops instead.
Beast: I'm sorry my fellow compatriot, my aim is not as accurate as I thought.
Talkie Toaster: Can someone pleeeeaaase eat my toast, I have travelled through space and time to get away from Lister, because he wouldn't eat four hundred rounds of my delectable toast when I asked him to.
Kurt: Who the hell is Lister?
Beast: I did some research before I came down hear, and I found out that this remarkable appliance has been fitted with artificial intelligence and speech circuits. But it was a mistake because the toaster has become obsessed with its job of making toast. So then this "Lister" from the space ship Red Dwarf got angry and tried to smash it to pieces.
Kurt: Oh, ok then I'll have some toast.
After that Rogue and Jean came to, and they all went home with the toaster, unaware of the Talkie Toaster's evil plan.
The End.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the x men they belong to marvel, Lister and the talking toaster belong to Rob Grant and Doug Naylor productions, I think that's all. Enjoy!!
Blue hairballs
By
8 ball
One night at dinner all the x men sat down and started to eat.
Cyclops: Where is Jean? Has anyone seen her?
Remy: Remy t'ink Rogue be missing too, non?!
All the x men went up to Jeans room, only to find a note on her bed.
Wolverine picked it up and read it out loud.
Wolverine: I have kidnapped Jean and Rogue, mwhahahahahahahahahaha. I have stashed them in the local shopping centre's wheelie bin. And you will only see them if you can stop the rubbish truck from getting them, mwhahahahahaha
Cyclops: Wolverine, you kidnapped Jean, I'll kill you!!
Everyone sighed and whispered dumb arse.
Kurt: He was just reading what was on the note
Cyclops: Oh
Wolverine chuckled and muttered something. Cyclops just gave Wolverine a glare and then changed the subject.
Cyclops: So, where were you this morning for danger room training? You know actions have an effect on everyone in the team, blah blah blah blah blah blah ( and that's exactly what everyone was hearing).
Cyclops waited for Wolverine's response, but because Wolverine hadn't actually been listening, he was a bit stuck for words. So he said the only thing that came to mind.
Wolverine: Hey, if I wanted to hear from an ARSEHOLE, I would have farted!
Mostly everyone laughed. And at that Wolverine decided it would be best to leave the room Cyclops bottom lip began to quiver so he bit down on it, then tears began to well up in his eyes, all he could do was run from the humiliation of everyone seeing him crying.
Remy: Pansy!
Beast: I fully agree with that remark. My stomach craves sustenance.
Bobby: Yeah me too, lets get some Twinkies.
Beast and Bobby left the room leaving Remy, Kurt and Storm too look at each other.
Storm: Sooooooooooooo, where's Jubilee?
She said trying to change the subject.
Remy: Who knows, who cares, Remy don' care, let's be goin'.
Later that evening Cyclops burst into the room while everyone was watching Superman on TV. Beast and Bobby were having a debate about Superman.
Beast: You cannot sit there and tell me that Superman's inability to get laid, is going to make him lose the battle.
Bobby: Ok, fine. But it's about time that someone told him that flying around in a tight fitting suit without the full package is embarrassing.
Beast: Point taken
Cyclops: Anyway more importantly JEAN AND ROGUE ARE MISSING!!!
Wolverine: Well duh
Jubilee: Cyclops is such a der brain.
Everyone chuckled including Cyclops, who thought the comment was meant for Wolverine.
Cyclops: Kurt! Your wife and my sister are out there
Kurt: Um, that doesn't sound right
Bobby: Does anything Cyclops say make sense?
Jubilee: Kurt, you have a wife? looks like someone's been sneaking around.
She said with a suspicious sort of tone in her voice and with a giggle. Kurt just sighed, he wasn't even going to try and explain to Jubilee that he doesn't have a wife.
Cyclops still trying to be heroic spoke
Cyclops: And we must go and rescue them at once!
Professor X Bursts into the room with something blue and slimy on his head. He began screaming hysterically:
Prof X: Get it off, GET IT OFF!!
Jubilee: Ewwww, gross I'm not touching that.
Storm quickly summoned the winds and blew it off the prof's head and out the window, making sure it landed on Cyclops's head, who was conveniently outside the window, thanks to me.
Kurt: What the hell was that?
Prof. X: Why do you ask me questions to which you already know the answers?
Kurt: huh?
Prof X: Beast spilt syrup all over his fur and started licking it off. He then proceeded to coughing up hairballs which are everywhere all over the mansion including the danger room's main control unit. Therefore the danger room is no longer accessible until someone gets the nerve to pry it out, and let me tell you it's a very stubborn hairball.
Everyone sighed with relief. Cyclops entered the room again looking very disoriented, with bits of blue fur mattered in his hair.
Cyclops: The rubbish truck is heading towards the shopping centre! We must hurry!!!
Cyclops and Kurt went down to the bin to find Rogue and Jean.
Cyclops: I have visual on the bin, come right away!
Talking into his walkie-talkie thing.
Kurt: Um, I right next to you Scott
Cyclops: Ssshhh, no names someone might hear.
Kurt rolling his eyes walked up to the wheelie bin and started pulling out Rogue and Jean who were unconscious.
Talkie Toaster: Stop right there I am the Talking Toaster, you will bow before me.
Cyclops immediately bowed with a squeal.
Kurt: What do you want with us!!!
Talkie toaster: I want you to eat my toast!!
Kurt raised an eyebrow.
Cyclops: Noooo, don't give in Nightcrawler, be strong my friend.
Just then Beast came running down the street screaming
Beast: Never fear Beast is here!!
And then Beast started hocking up hairballs at the Toaster, which landed directly on Cyclops instead.
Beast: I'm sorry my fellow compatriot, my aim is not as accurate as I thought.
Talkie Toaster: Can someone pleeeeaaase eat my toast, I have travelled through space and time to get away from Lister, because he wouldn't eat four hundred rounds of my delectable toast when I asked him to.
Kurt: Who the hell is Lister?
Beast: I did some research before I came down hear, and I found out that this remarkable appliance has been fitted with artificial intelligence and speech circuits. But it was a mistake because the toaster has become obsessed with its job of making toast. So then this "Lister" from the space ship Red Dwarf got angry and tried to smash it to pieces.
Kurt: Oh, ok then I'll have some toast.
After that Rogue and Jean came to, and they all went home with the toaster, unaware of the Talkie Toaster's evil plan.
The End.