The course of events of the previous
night seemed so distant and hazy; Starling's first thought was the evening had
instead been the product of a massive drinking session. When she remembered in detail everything,
she moaned and lay back in bed, caressing her sore brow. Whatever last night had been, drinking or no
drinking, she was still feeling the affect as though she had a massive
hangover.
For a brief minute, she feared she was
in bed with Nicholas, but then realized he was still in his twin berth on the
other side of the room. Both of them
were adorned at least in under garments. Of course, Starling didn't check to confirm this; Nicholas had kicked
his blankets off the bed and was showing the world his dark green boxers. She had to concede a smile.
The moment only lasted a minute,
though. She wanted to be out of the
hotel room before he awoke. To her
disappointment, the sun had already rose, something she had her heart set on
seeing. No matter – this vacation had
another week and a half to it. There
would be plenty of sunsets in the future.
She found it whimsical how she still
viewed this as a vacation. Usually,
when things went drastically wrong, they assumed a false identity. Funny how this was still her vacation. Starling mused on that as she dressed
silently and slipped out. It was barely
six am.
The streets weren't horribly over-populated,
though the quantity of people up this early surprised. It didn't take long for her to find a café
that looked reasonably charming and that didn't overprice the cappuccino. Taking a seat at an outdoor table, Starling
ordered a breakfast croissant and a House Latte, eager to try them here and
compare the difference in her custom-made American treats. She chuckled shortly, wondering if the taste
would be just that much more exquisite simply because she was in Italy
and not the terribly dull United States.
"I must say, Clarice, you're up
appallingly early." Dr. Lecter was
heard before he was seen; this was the desired affect. She was not without a view for long; within
his own good time, he came into sight and took a seat across from her. There was a minute between words, one where
she was granted a look at him. He was
dressed splendidly, the face of elegance.
{Oh God, don't look at him…don't…don't}
Starling's eyes raised and met his, and
she felt herself weakening without any influence. If she were to get through this, she would have to maintain the
mindset that she was still an FBI Agent. Forget what she wanted, she had to remember who he was, and who she was,
deep down.
{This is a joke, you do realize? I give you five minutes. Make it four and a half}
"Good morning, Dr. Lecter," she said,
her voice under control, steady, without fear or instability of whatever she
might have to say to him.
"I trust things went well last
night? You had to leave rather
abruptly." A waitress approached and
took his order. She was somewhat
surprised, though pleased inwardly, that it was a simple Cappuccino. It almost gave him a more human-like aura,
as she knew far more people who drank coffee or coffee products than the fancy
wine he was constantly ordering. However, she noted with an internal smile, that it would be quite
boorish to drink wine this early.
"Nick wasn't exactly…happy with the
attention you were giving me."
"Oh Clarice, how like you. Always quick to avoid the spotlight for the
sake of your own modesty. Clearly my
attentions were shared, perhaps even met by your own." Dr. Lecter smiled nicely, though his words
implied anything but fastidious intentions. "Tell me, did he have much comment on your behavior?"
Starling chuckled shortly. "Oh, he had a word or two…"
At that, Dr. Lecter's smile faded as
his eyes took a darker tone. "What,
exactly, did he have to say?"
The look in his eyes was instantly
identified as the same murderous gaze he sent at Nicholas the night
before. Obviously, Dr. Lecter was not
comfortable with the idea of another man scolding Starling over her intrigues
with him. She supposed in his eyes, he
was the only authority in who she could and could not socialize with.
For the briefest moment, Starling felt
compelled to remind Dr. Lecter that he was in no position to speak for her,
even if she was free. After looking in
Esamarla Raizonne's eyes the night before, she thought it was apparent that the
woman he carelessly labeled as his 'social companion' was indeed someone he was
intimate with, and someone who thought the world of him.
"He was rather offended that I jumped
at the chance to be with someone other than him when it was by his suggestion
and good graces, for that matter, that we came to Florence in the first place."
Dr. Lecter looked angered for a second
more then moved to another topic. Starling had the subtle hint that he would manage to get back to the
main idea creatively. "Hmm, yes…by what
means did you two decide to come to Florence, might I ask? This is an area of some curiosity for me, as
you can imagine."
Oh, she didn't want to answer this question. If she did, he would know everything, even
more than he knew now. How could she
avoid the answer?
{Just answer and be truthful. He'll know, either way. If you aren't honest, he'll use that voice
again, and you'll melt like buttah}
That thought almost made her lie, but
she took the warning for what it was, and answered truthfully, trying with
desperation to maintain her strong façade, knowing it was bound to break at any
moment.
"I wanted to come to Florence, Dr.
Lecter, I have for a long time."
"Why?" He seemed pleased so far, and she knew her answer to this would make his
already notorious ego soar.
"Because I know you love it here,
therefore it intrigued me."
Dr. Lecter's face seemed to
brighten. "So, you're here, more or
less, because of me."
"If you're so adamant as to look at it
that way, then yes, Dr. Lecter."
"How do you like it?"
Starling smiled softly. "Like is not a word I would use. I love it here. I don't want to leave."
Perhaps she had said too much. If she let off that she was seriously
thinking of staying in Florence, something that had not changed regardless of
the prior night's events. However, if
she was to stay in Florence, she had to be sure that he didn't know. Not right now. Not until she cleared her head of her disturbing thoughts.
{Disturbing thoughts? What's so disturbing about them?}
As she predicted, Dr. Lecter seemed
furthermore pleased. "How interesting,
Clarice. I could arrange that, if you
like."
"I wasn't being serious, Dr. Lecter."
"I think you were, but you are free to
deny it, if that pleases you." His
Cappuccino arrived and he took a moment to savor its warmth. "The offer stands. Please feel free to call me on it. I'd very much like to arrange you a permanent stay."
Starling decided to thrust, the matter
having elevated to something of considerable concern, more so than she would
like to acknowledge. "Hmm, I doubt it
will come to that, Dr. Lecter. Somehow,
I don't see Esamarla supporting such a move…"
There was a rich chuckle. "Oh, Clarice, how coy of you! How delightfully mischievous! What is it you want to know of her? Ask me now, for you have me all to
yourself. No Nick to drag you away, no
Esamarla to pierce you with threatening gazes. How did you feel when you saw her? Tell me and don't lie, or I'll know."
{I knew I should've avoided this topic,
I just knew it!}
"I don't know what you mean, Dr.
Lecter." This response seemed
dreadfully trite, as the question itself was a plain black and white. There were no lines to read between, and it
was more or less an attempt to avoid answering.
He knew this, of course. He wouldn't let her get away that easily.
"Honestly, Clarice, you're not very
good at lying. Please avoid the
inconvenience. You were jealous,
weren't you? I saw it in your eyes, therefore
denying it is rather pointless."
"Do you really need for me to say
it? Yes. I was jealous."
"Do you believe you have grounds for
that jealousy?"
Starling's eyes narrowed, not wanting
to make her discomfort on this topic visible, but knowing she wasn't hiding
anything. "If you're asking if I
believe you two have…a serious relationship that consists of…"
"Yes? Continue, Clarice."
"Oh for Christ's sake, are you sleeping
with her?"
The bluntness surprised both of
them. Still, Dr. Lecter seemed overall
pleased.
"How would you feel if I said yes?"
Starling didn't want to listen, wanted
pretend that question did not exist, wanted to feel as though there was no way
she was sitting here holding a conversation of this nature with Dr.
Lecter. It ate her up from the inside
to even think that he was having relations with this woman, though she had
known from the way Esamarla had her eye on him the prior evening that they
indeed had been intimate. Jealousy like
none she had ever known before was ablaze within her, and she felt the distant
need to vomit.
"Hmm, the look in your eyes testifies
much more than words could, Clarice." Whatever pain she was feeling, Dr. Lecter took an exquisite sip of and
smiled all the more. She supposed it
was some sort of sweet revenge, having been denied once and now in a position
where he could torment her all he wanted to, because he knew now that her
feelings for him were indeed material.
A fleeting thought that stabbed and
jerked at her heart struck viciously. What if that's what this was? Vindication. He wasn't without
reason for being sore on this matter. Perhaps he didn't want her anymore, the blatant desire she had felt last
night a mixture of her imagination, what she wanted to feel, or even his own
trickery on this issue. He could be a
very smooth manipulator.
This thought nearly brought her to
tears, here and there. The shiny water
droplets must have brimmed in her eyes, for the next thing she was aware of was
Dr. Lecter offering her a handkerchief. How thoroughly humiliating to cry over a person sitting across from you,
and have them offer their condolences for the loss of themselves. For the first time in a long time, Starling
missed her .45 horribly, wishing nothing more for it to be right here so she
could end this charade.
"There, there," he was saying, his
voice mocking and spiteful, at least to her ears. It was quite possible, and perhaps more likely, that she was
hearing malice that wasn't there. "Please, Clarice, this is terribly aberrant, especially for you."
"Well, it's obviously the reaction you
wanted, Dr. Lecter," she growled, dabbing her eyes with the handkerchief. "Or else you wouldn't have worded it as
nicely as you did. For crying out loud,
what do you want from me?" The tears
were coming faster now, more or less with the affect of her shouting.
"It's very simple, Clarice, and you've
already given it to me. This
conversation itself is all the pay I expected." He smiled, a softer smile, kind, perhaps with some light. "I have all the information I need. Now, all I need is your cooperation."
The pain was unbearable now, and she
couldn't stand to listen to him. His
words would consist of an offer, redeeming assurance that his feelings for
Esamarla were nonexistent, that she was the one for him and always would
be. Been there, done that. Starling wasn't sure if she could take this,
the knowledge that he had deliberately burned her for the sake of his own
selfish questions he already knew answers for.
He would offer his sympathy, tell her
that he did indeed want her, and all this was a test. Fuck him and his tests! Hell if she was going to sit here and take it like the obedient student
he wanted her to be.
Shaking her head, Starling rose to her
feet, determined to have some stability, some ground, some dignity. Calmly, she placed her tab on the table,
aware of Dr. Lecter's eyes on hers, yet not meeting his gaze. When she was ready to make her grand exit,
she looked up, hoping her eyes had the certainty and control that she thought
she felt. Hoping that she could do
this, say this, without breaking down and giving in. No, that wouldn't do. She
couldn't let him win.
"I'm sorry, Dr. Lecter," she said,
keeping her voice controlled best to her ability. "But I can't…just be some dog that you train to do what you
want. I have a life…I'd really
appreciate you let me live it the way I see fit…not you."
Dr. Lecter, not changing in facial
expressions, stood slowly. "Be sure
this is what you want, Clarice.
"I want some say in my life. You obviously don't agree. Perhaps then…" Starling didn't remember how,
but she was moving away from him a minute later, not remembering how she ended
it or why, but knowing that her reason wasn't half as insane as it sounded to
her. Somewhere, somewhere deep down,
her inner voice told her she had some grounds.
She only hoped this wasn't a wretched mistake.
* * *
