A Brand New Beginning - Part 4 "Cross Roads"
By: Matsu
The morning sun seeped through the small crack of the curtain - shining brightly on Makino's face. "Mmmm..." She moaned as she picked up her pillow and put it over her face. Makino could feel her whole body ache and she slowly got up. She squinted at her bed-side clock. "Oh my god!" She exclaimed, waking up fully, "It's eleven already?!"
Makino quickly pulled off her covers and stood up - her knees trembling slightly. She had never slept in this late in her whole life. As Makino made her way to the bathroom she tripped over something on the floor. "Ouch." She cried aloud, feeling a little annoyed as she looked down. It was her blue dress from the dance.
Oh god, Makino thought, her head beginning to hurt tremendously, So last night wasn't a bad dream after all.
She placed both of her hands on her head as the incidents that happened last night at the dance flashed vividly in her mind - James going off with Asai and her friends, Tomoko and Doumyouji basically making out in front of her on the dance floor and her own rendezvous with Doumyouji. The last memory flash had the biggest impact.
Makino closed her eyes and leaned against the bathroom door as she remembered her last words to him, "Sayonara, Doumyouji Tsukasa...". How those words hurt her when she said it to him last night. And even now, it crushed Makino's heart like a sledgehammer.
"DING DONG..." Makino practically jumped as she heard the doorbell. I wonder who that is? She asked herself as she made her way to the door. She opened it and saw James standing in front of her, his right arm leaning against the door frame - and his lips turned in a lopsided smile. "Good morning," he greeted, looking up at Makino through his messy hair. Makino took a deep breath as their eyes met. Even though she had been with James for nearly a year now - it always took her breath away seeing him.. It amazed Makino how James could manage to always look so gorgeous and perfect even with his messed-up look in the morning.
"Hey," Makino finally replied, moving back to let him in. James entered and settled himself on the couch. "Looks like you had a late night?" He commented, pulling Makino into the seat next to him. "Not really. I was just tired from last night that's all." Makino answered, trying to avoid his gaze. "Yeah, I was really worried about you. Whether you got home okay and stuff."
Makino played with her hands awkwardly, Oh sure. Right. Like you weren't having enough fun with Yamano, Asai and Ayuhara, Makino couldn't help but think to herself sourly.
"Asai and her friends can be real pains you know. I mean, they were fun to be with at first. But they can be so annoying after awhile." James continued, trying to fill the silence between the couple. Makino remained silent, hoping that James would stop talking about those girls.
"Look, Makino," he spoke up, moving in closer to his girlfriend, "I'm really sorry about last night. I should have gone with you - when you left the dance. I shouldn't have stayed... I-.." Makino shook her head and James stopped. He looked at Makino, obviously trying to read her mind.
"James," she began, her voice soft, "It wasn't your fault. I told you to stay anyway. You were having fun. I couldn't make you come back home with me - just because I felt tired." Makino looked up and flashed James a reassuring smile, despite what she was feeling inside.
James still looked a little bit unsure - but nevertheless, he pulled Makino into a tight hug. "I want you to know that there's no one else for me - but you, Makino."
James pulled back and looked into her eyes, "I want you to come back with me to the US." he blurted out, holding Makino's hands, "Leave with me this week."
Makino's eyes widened with surprise, "What?"
James glanced up at her, looking absolutely adorable with those yearning eyes, "I'm serious, Makino. Come back and stay in the US. For me. For us." He sounded so sweet, so sincere.
Makino blinked a couple of times before answering, "But..but where would I stay? My study exchange contract is over." Makino swallowed hard before continuing, still not fully recovered from what James had just said, "And what about my family? My friends?"
James' face suddenly clouded over with an expression of hurt and somewhat anger. "Makino, you know that the College wanted to extend your stay in the US because of your academic achievements. All you have to do is reply to them and agree," He leaned forward, his jaw set in determination, "And as for your family. They're in another town anyway. I know you miss them - but living here by yourself here and living overseas is no different and you know that."
Makino looked outside the window at the Sakura tree, avoiding his gaze.
"And your friends. Okay, Sakurako, Kazuya and Yuki seem like nice people. But that Doumyouji guy and his girlfriend? You want to stay for those two as well?! Let's be honest Makino, those two aren't exactly front runners up for Mr. and Miss Congeniality."
Makino immediately turned back to look at James with a look of disbelief and anger in her eyes, "That's not true!" she snapped, "How can you even say that? You don't even know him!"
James' eyes widened. He remained quiet, obviously taken aback from her outburst.
Makino froze. She couldn't believe she blew it at James like that. What is wrong with me? She scolded herself, feeling her face flush. "Gomen," she managed to choke out finally, trying to recompose herself.
James shook himself back into reality. "No, I'm the one that should be sorry." He replied, looking disgusted with himself, "You're right. I don't have the right to criticize your friends like that."
Makino gently placed a hand on his arm, "I'm sorry... I didn't know what came over me."
James put both of his hands onto on Makino's shoulder and looked into her eyes earnestly, "I care for you a lot. I really do. I hope you understand that." He took a deep sigh before he continued, "But I really hope you would consider what I had just asked you. It means so much to me. To us. So promise me Makino?" There was an almost desperate plea in James' voice and it pained Makino greatly to see him like this.
She nodded slowly, as she wrapped her arms gently around her boyfriend. She closed her eyes - trying hard to erase what had just happened, not to mention the horrible events of last night from her mind.
* * * *
"She what?!" Kazuya and Sakurako both exclaimed as they sat with Makiko and Yuki at lunch.
"Yeah it's true. Tsukushi called me up this morning to tell me she might be going back to the US with James." Yuki took a deep sigh and rested her cheek on her hand.
Makiko frowned, "I can't believe it. Just like that?" She replied softly, awkwardly playing with her napkin on her tray.
"I bet it's all that Tomoko and Doumyouji-san business isn't it?" Sakurako asked suddenly, her usually cute face scrunched up in deep thought, "I knew it!"
Kazuya pulled on Yuki's sleeve, "Tell me it's not true Yuki-chan!" He looked like he was about to cry.
"You know," Yuki began, looking up at everybody, "I thought that Makino's return would end up reuniting them both."
A puzzled look washed over Kazuya's face, "Them?" He asked.
Makiko nodded, "Doumyouji-san and Tsukushi-chan." she explained to Kazuya, before exchanging a worried glance with Yuki, "Me too. I thought that they'll probably continue with their relationship."
Yuki shrugged, her eyes clouding over with sadness, "Yeah. But I guess we were wrong."
* * * *
Makino's hand hurt from carrying so much groceries home from the supermarket. She reached the front steps of her apartment and walked up slowly. As Makino took her keys out to open the door, she heard some footsteps coming up from behind.
"Who's there?" she asked, spinning around.
In the darkness, Makino could make out a little figure. The person stepped out into the light.
"Sakurako-san?" Makino was surprised to see the girl standing there all alone. "What are you doing here?"
Sakurako looked up at Makino with questioning eyes, "Is it true Makino-senpai? That you are going back to the States?" Makino nodded slowly. She might as well tell Sakurako the truth. "Yes, I might be going back."
Sakurako shook her head in disbelief. "You're going back for good this time, aren't you?" she asked, her voice firm. Makino shrugged, feeling tired and strained. "Look, Sakurako-san. This isn't really the time." She turned around and fiddled with the lock of the door, hoping her friend would get the hint and leave.
But as she placed the key into the keyhole, Sakurako grabbed Makino by the arm. "So after all we've been through, you want to run away from everything." Makino froze as she heard Sakurako's harsh words.
She turned around and faced the little girl. "What are you talking about?" Makino asked, putting her grocery bags slowly down. She had noticed the glint of hostility and hurt in Sakurako's eyes. "How can you run away from all this? How could you do such a thing to Doumyouji-san?" Makino was shocked to hear such awful words from her friend. But deep down - she also knew that the part of the shock was due to self-realization.
"I gave Doumyouji-san up - because I thought you were someone that deserved respect and admiration," Sakurako pressed on, her eyes intense, " When you left - I was really surprised. I didn't know why you would want to do that to Doumyouji-san. But when Tomoko took over your place - I was upset and angry."
Sakurako took a couple of steps forward, "I was angry because you had left. I was angry because you hurt Doumyouji-san." There was a short pause. Sakurako shot Makino a look of absolute contempt before continuing, "I was angry because after all that we've done to help bring you two together - you pulled apart in an instant."
Makino's mouth dropped open and her eyes widened with shock. She looked at Sakurako, who's face had turned all red and her face scrunched up in determination. "After all I've been through, after all I've given up, I've realized it was all wasted." Sakurako said bitterly, looking away in disgust.
"I'm so... I'm so sorry Sakurako-san. I didn't know you felt this way," Makino managed to choke out., placing her hand on the girl's shoulder. She never knew that Sakurako had felt this strongly towards Doumyouji. Makino knew that her Sakurako liked Kazuya now - but nevertheless, it still surprised Makino to see that her friend was so loyal and protective of Doumyouji.
Sakurako slowly looked up, her face softening. "Makino-senpai. I can tell you still love Doumyouji-san." She said softly, throwing Makino totally off-balance with her comment, "And I can tell Doumyouji-san still loves you very much."
Makino felt her heart beat faster. She took a few steps back, trying to recompose herself. "Things have changed." Makino replied, looking down on the floor, "You're mistaken."
Sakurako shook her head, "No. I'm a hundred percent correct. I can tell by the way he looks at you and the way you look at him. It's almost... like...," she stopped for a moment, her eyes clouding over with an expression that Makino could not interpret , "...like... wanting something so badly... but you know you can't have it..."
Makino felt her house keys slip from her fingers.
It made a brief "clunk" noise as it made contact with the ground.
Then there was a moment of silence.
Around them, the sound of crickets chirping reverberated through the spring night.
For what seemed like eternity, Sakurako finally spoke up gently, "Makino-senpai don't make a decision you'll regret. Because you don't know what you've got till it's gone."
Sakurako turned around and slowly made her way down the steps. When she reached halfway, she turned and waved a hand in the air, "Ja ne, Makino-senpai!" she exclaimed brightly, her little figure disappearing into the darkness - leaving Makino standing there alone, with a complete sense of shock and speechlessness.
* * * * *
Doumyouji regretted inviting Tomoko over after all. He had originally thought he would ask her over for a simple dinner - just as a way of apologizing to her since he basically ditched her at the dance last night. But now, it was already 10:00pm and she was still here. All he wanted was an early sleep to get his mind off things - but clearly that was going to be impossible.
"Doumyouji," Tomoko whispered, snuggling up to him on the couch, "What's the matter?"
He sat there feeling like a stupid statue. "I'm tired," he replied gruffly, avoiding eye contact and feeling uncomfortable.
Tomoko interlaced her fingers with Doumyouji's and tenderly kissed him on the cheek. "Poor thing." She said softly, her mouth poised in a little pout.
Doumyouji exhaled deeply in exasperation. He seriously didn't know how long he could take this anymore.
Lately, all he has been feeling was that being with Tomoko has become a tedious chore - something that was stuck with him 24/7 and literally impossible to get rid of.
Maybe it's not recently that I felt like this, Doumyouji thought deeply, maybe it was like this right from the beginning of the relationship - but I was too stupid to realise.
Tomoko was different from other girls, Doumyouji knew that. Slowly over the months, he had realized that she was a tough girl who can be vulnerable as well. She was becoming insecure and overly dependent on him - and it was really starting to get on his nerves.
But as Doumyouji looked down at Tomoko's small delicate face, he couldn't help but see an emotionally fragile girl that needed him to be there to protect her, to care for her.
Doumyouji glanced outside the big window of his guest room - as if trying to look for answers to his somewhat difficult situation.
I've lost Makino already, Doumyouji thought sadly to himself, But I seriously don't know how long I can hang in this relationship with Tomoko anymore.
* * * * *
Makino looked up at her ceiling. The night was calm and peaceful - but she was finding it hard to fall asleep. Her head kept playing back the incident that happened hours before. Sakurako's accusatory voice echoed continuously through her mind - her cruel words slicing through Makino's heart like a knife.
She slowly sat up - trying to calm herself. It's not working, Makino thought impatiently, biting her lip in frustration. She leaned across the bed and opened her drawer. All I needed was to listen to my relaxation music and I would be fine, She told herself reassuringly.
As Makino pulled her discman out, something dropped onto the floor with a loud THUD. She looked down and saw it was a pink heart shaped box. Makino felt her breath catch in her throat.
Slowly she picked it up with and with shaking hands, she opened it. Makino sat crossed-legged on her bed, she pulling out the contents in the box one-by-one. It was her box with all the little memoirs of herself and Doumyouji when they were together.
Makino smiled as she looked down at the red strip of paper in hands, remembering that this was the tag Doumyouji had used to put in her locker when he declared war - when they were in high school. It was also the tag Makino used to tag him back - much to everyone's surprise.
Makino grinned mischievously. Those weren't exactly the best days of her life, but the fate of the red tag had allowed Makino and Doumyouji to meet... and fall in love.
Next, Makino reached down and picked up a picture of herself helping Doumyouji to the taxi - the time they were stuck in the elevator on their first date. The students at Eitoku had stuck it up on the notice-board one morning labeling them as the "hottest couple". Makino felt herself blush as the incident in the elevator of their first date flashed in her mind.
And finally, on Makino's lap was one of her beloved toys from high school. It was the word speller - the one that had practically saved her life when she went to the Canadian Snow Alps. She slowly picked it up and pressed on the button. Three words flashed brightly in Katakana characters, "Aishiteru Makino."
Makino's tears began to sting her eyes. Those were Doumyouji's last words to her. He had sent it along with the letter for her to meet him under the Sakura tree the night she was about to leave for America.
Makino leaned against her bed, pulling her legs up to her chest and resting her chin on her knees. When am I going to forget him? She thought helplessly to herself.
As Makino looked out the window, Sakurako's voice rang through her mind, "Don't do something you'll regret...You don't know what you've got 'till it's gone..."
The last line made Makino sit up. Her body began to fill with fear with the thought of losing Doumyouji forever. How can I possibly let go of someone who I cherish so much? Makino asked herself, feeling her heart breaking. All her happy times were shared with Doumyouji. From their first meeting to their first kiss. He was there for her. He was special. He was her true love.
Makino wiped the tears from her face, her whole body shaking. Who am I kidding? I'm still in love with Doumyouji Tsukasa, she realized, her heart starting to beat faster and faster, I've always been in love with him straight from the beginning.
Makino could feel the adrenaline pumping through her veins from her realization and sat up straighter. Makino knew she was with James now, but she couldn't live with herself thinking "What if?" for the rest of her life. Makino knew she had to tell Doumyouji tonight that she loved him and that after all this time - it was him that she wanted.
* * * * * *
The front gates of the Doumyouji mansion were high and unfriendly. Makino stood outside, her fingers encircling the cold metal bars as she looked ahead at the house. It was so dark, cold, mysterious and uninviting - much like its master. It's funny how a house can resemble the people who live there, Makino thought in awe.
Then an uneasy thought struck her. But what if Kaede is there? The idea of entering the house and coming face to face with the woman Makino dreaded, would not be a pretty picture at all.
Makino bit her lip in annoyance. She knew she was just being ridiculous and paranoid. Kaede was safely now in the States, looking after her business. The last thing on her mind would be Makino, since she thinks Makino is still studying abroad. And besides, especially now that Doumyouji has a new girlfriend in his life, Kaede is probably jumping for joy and enjoying life to the max.
Makino shook her head, trying to stay focused on why she came in the first place. It had taken her awhile to get here and she knew she couldn't turn back now. Makino closed her eyes tightly as she pushed open the heavy gates and made her way into the grounds.
I am going through with this, Makino decided to herself firmly, trying to ignore the light fluttering in her stomach.
She slowly made her way up the small steps which led to the front door. Makino took a deep breath, trying to muster up all her courage before knocking.
Almost instantly, the butler answered it. "Yes?" He asked, raising his eyebrows. He looked at Makino from head to toe with a condescending gaze.
Makino swallowed nervously. She regretted not dressing more properly before coming over - but her adrenaline had kept her from thinking straight.
"I- Um....," she began, rather awkwardly. Hold yourself together! Makino mentally scolded herself. She cleared her throat before continuing, "Kon ban wa, I'm looking for Doumyouji-san."
The butler gave her a skeptical look before slowly nodding. "Yes, very well," he finally replied in a conceited tone, "I think the young master has retired to his bedroom. He had a guest before."
Makino looked down, "Oh, I see." It can't be Tomoko can it? She thought to herself guiltily, unable to keep the jealous feeling from entering her heart.
"I will go and check for you. Please come in and take a seat in the hallway." The butler moved back, indicating for Makino to enter.
Makino sat on the chair near the staircase as the butler slowly walked up to the second floor. Her palms started to sweat and she gulped. Calm down, calm down, she instructed herself gently, closing her eyes.
But in between her deep breaths, Makino heard faint voices from nearby. She opened her eyes and looked around. No one was in the hallway. I wonder who that is? She asked herself curiously as she stood up. She carefully walked down the hallway. The voices grew louder. Makino realised they were coming from the grand living room and its door was slightly ajar.
Makino felt the breath catch in her throat. Those two voices were so undeniably familiar. She made her way towards the light that escaped from the crack of the door...and listened.........
* * * * * *
Tomoko felt so warm against Doumyouji. She felt so peaceful and calm. She loved being with him. By the look of things tonight - Doumyouji felt the same way also.
Tomoko sneaked a look at her boyfriend. His face looked so intense, so distant.
Why won't he tell me anything? Tomoko thought to herself exasperatingly, why won't he just let me be part of his life? His world?
But, Doumyouji just sat there, looking at the fireplace, the sparks highlighting his dark brown eyes. Tomoko noticed the undoubtedly sad expression in them and Asai's words from the previous night began to echo through her mind, "Doumyouji left you....and went after Makino....."
Tomoko clenched her fists tightly, her little hands turning pale. Of course she didn't forget about last night's incident. She'll be heartless and weak if she did. In fact, all last night and today - it's been the only thing that's been occupying her mind.
A deep frown appeared on Tomoko's soft features. She knew Doumyouji had invited her over tonight not because he wanted to, but because he felt guilty. He wanted to make her feel better - to make her forgive him and forget about last night.
But I'm not stupid, Tomoko thought sourly to herself. She wasn't a gullible child that all you needed to do was give her candy and a pat on the head and she will forgive and forget. The bottom line is - she wasn't fine. In fact, she was far from it.
But Doumyouji doesn't need to know, she added a mental note, resting her head on Doumyouji's chest. All Tomoko knew was that she had to grasp onto the opportunity to be with Doumyouji and make him want to be with her.
She sat up gradually and faced him. Her hair slowly fell around her face, but she didn't care. Tomoko looked up at Doumyouji through her dark lashes. He glanced at her, obviously surprised to see her move. "Doumyouji," she began, her voice soft and gentle, "I care a lot for you."
Doumyouji's body obviously tensed, because his eyes widened a little. He didn't say anything and Tomoko gave him a slow, shy smile, "I like you," She continued, moving closer towards him until they were only a few inches apart. Tomoko could feel Doumyouji's warm breath on her cheek. She turned her face slightly, "I really, really like you, Doumyouji Tsukasa...,'' she finally whispered in his ear.
Tomoko patiently waited for a reaction but Doumyouji did not move so she took it as a sign to initiate the next step. She leaned in and kissed him softly.
Suddenly, there was a loud gasp and Tomoko broke away from the embrace. "What was that?" she asked him, as both of them looked towards the direction the noise came from.
And there, standing in the doorway with a look of surprise and shock in her eyes, was Makino Tsukushi.
* * * * *
Makino stood there - frozen and unable to move. All she could do is was stare at Tomoko and Doumyouji, her eyes full of irrepressible desolation and humiliation. She wasn't meant to gasp out aloud...but her emotions betrayed her.
Makino's eyes landed on Doumyouji's briefly. He looked just as surprised to see her. But as Makino turned look at Tomoko, she saw that the girl was glaring at her incredulously, her blue eyes full of hurt and contempt.
What have I done? Makino asked herself, returning back into reality, Why am I here in the first place? She stumbled a few steps back, unable to hold back the tears that were forming in her eyes. Makino's whole body was numb, but her mind started to clear up. She could only do the one thing that her head was telling her to do - and that was to turn around and get out of there.
* * * * *
Doumyouji's mouth dropped open. He couldn't believe Makino was here. How much did she see? He thought as he looked up to meet her gaze. His heart broke when he saw the heart broken expression etched on Makino's features. She looked so pale, so...... crushed.
Doumyouji couldn't stand seeing her like this. But before he could even react, Makino turned around and rushed off.
"Makino!" Doumyouji called out helplessly after her. As he started to get up to chase after Makino, Doumyouji felt a hand firmly grasp onto his right arm. He looked down and saw Tomoko looking up at him - her eyes welling up with tears and her chin starting to tremble. "Don't leave me," She pleaded, her eyes full of desperation, "Don't leave me, for her!"
Doumyouji glanced down, almost pitying the girl. But he knew that deep down he had to go after Makino. He had to explain to her that all of this was a misunderstanding. "I-...I can't," he replied, trying to sound gentle, despite his rising anxiousness to find Makino.
Tomoko slumped down onto the floor, her hands covering her face as her soft sobs became more violent. "Dou shite?" she cried, "Dou shite?!" Doumyouji could feel his heart soften as he saw the deeply upset state the girl was in.
He had to fight the urge of sitting down beside her and hold her in his arms and comfort her.Don't go back to her, Doumyouji's mind told him firmly, You have to leave. You have to go after Makino. Don't fall back into this abyss.
"I'm sorry," Doumyouji spoke up, his voice becoming more gentle, "But I can't be with you."
Tomoko's whimpering suddenly ceased.
There was a moment of silence.
Finally, Tomoko looked up, her eyes red and brimmed with tears. Her face was contorted with a look of pure utter disdain and hostility.
"BAKA!" She yelled at him, "BAKA! BAKA! BAKA!" She picked up a vase on the nearby table and threw it across the room with so much strength that it slammed into the wall and broke - the crystal pieces shattering everywhere.
Doumyouji blinked. He had never seen Tomoko lose her temper like that.
"You're pathetic," She continued, practically seething - her usually prim and silky hair was now in a tangled mess around her face, "She doesn't even want you. She doesn't even love you."
The words sliced through Doumyouji's heart - but he refused to back down from what he had to do.
"Look at you," Tomoko scoffed, her eyes glancing up at him patronizingly, "Running after her like a little puppy dog."
Doumyouji felt his blood boil. He never knew Tomoko could be this ruthless, this cruel. He couldn't believe that he actually once thought she was like a vulnerable and delicate flower. She sure didn't look like that now.
"So go after her," She challenged, her voice dripping with venom, "Go after the girl who's favorite past-time is to break your heart time after time. But don't come running back to me. Leave me Doumyouji, and I promise you - I will never see you or talk to you again."
Doumyouji shook her head, still unable to get over the fact that all this time, Tomoko was this nasty and cold.
"I'm sorry Tomoko," was the only thing Doumyouji could mutter out before turning away.
* * * * *
Makino's feet began to ache but she didn't stop running. Her vision was blurred by fresh tears but she kept on going.
Makino couldn't believe that she actually thought she still had a chance with Doumyouji after what she had done to him. She had blatantly told him to leave her alone the night at the dance when he had confessed that he still cared for her. And she expected him to go to her that night? Who was she kidding?
And how about Tomoko and James? Did you ever consider their feelings? A harsh voice inside her head reminded her. Makino bit her lip in disgust. She didn't even think of Tomoko and James and they were just as involved in this as she was.
But that's the end, Makino decided firmly to herself, I am not going to bother them anymore.
Rain started to fall gently from the sky but Makino didn't care. She kept on running until she reached a familiar cream-colored apartment.
She walked up the steps and knocked on the door.
The porch lights flickered on before the door swung open.
"Makino? What are you doing here?"
Makino looked up, and swallowed hard before answering, "I've decided. I want to go back with you to the States tomorrow, James. For good this time."
(TO BE CONTINUED)