Severus woke up. It was dark. The searing pain in his back was gone, mostly. A dull ache had replaced it. He looked around, but the room was unfamiliar.
"Father?" he whispered in a sleepy daze. "I'm sorry… please…" He drifted into a state of half consciousness, speaking as images of the past flashing before his eyes. "Please father… tell me… what've I done?" Pictures of a previous punishment plagued him, eating away at him.
"No, father, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" he sobbed, curling into a ball. He whimpered softly, and fell into a deep sleep, tears scalding his cheeks.
Minerva sat in the waiting room. She had been awakened by the boy's cries.
A single tear rolled down her face. Who would commit such atrocities to a child? And what kind of a beating had he taken to get such great, bloody gashes?
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He woke up. His was awake, but he kept his eyes closed. He took in a deep, deep breath. He expected pain, but only a dull resounding ache effected him.
He took another breath where one might moan. He slowly brought his hands to his face and rubbed his eyes. He dropped his hands weakly. He was surprised he wasn't dead, after the pain from yesterday.
He was tired to the marrow of his bones. He felt weak, and supposed that the nurses had been unable to replace the lost blood.
Blood always came. Any pain he felt brought blood, that was just how his father was.
He swallowed heavily. Finally, he opened his eyes and blinked, the light blinding him. As he continued to blink it faded, and finally, he turned his head.
He cringed as he saw someone standing there.
He was about to say Father, but he stopped himself when he realized it was a teacher.
"Professor McGonagall? Why are you here?"
"Severus. Yesterday, you fell in the pool, and passed out just beside it. Deep slashes were discovered on your back. Do you have any idea how they got there?"
She saw him reach back and run his hand along his recently healed back.
He turned to her, forgetting his mask.
"It was my fault." He said bluntly. He couldn't think of any excuses just yet.
"What on earth do you mean?" she asked, taken aback.
"It was…" he said. He was starting to panic, the fear crawling up his throat like a spider.
"Yes?"
He couldn't think of anything. His head swam.
Am I crazy? He thought. His mouth was speaking, though he didn't even know what he was saying. The words weren't related to his actual train of thought.
"Severus!" He snapped to attention. "Slow down, Severus. I can't understand you… now… please… tell me who hurt you like this."
"Me!" he gripped the blanket in his hands, knuckles white.
"It was me, ok?! It was my fault! MINE! Leave me alone!" his voice rose in fear.
Minerva looked down at him. Tears were streaming down his face, though she didn't think he knew.
"Go-away-leave-me-alone…"he rambled again and again. Finally he leaped out of the bed. He had to get away, somehow!
"It was all my FAULT!" he screamed, clutching his head as though it might disappear if he didn't.
Minerva tried to stop him. She tried to comfort him, to talk to him, but he recoiled from her, shrinking back.
"Don't talk to me! Leave me alone! Just stay away, stay away from me!" He screamed, his voice loud enough to wake the school.
Minerva heard the nurse rushing in with Dumbledore. For an aging man he sure moved fast! In the commotion, he wasn't thinking of who this was that he was dealing with, and obviously abused child. He made a mad grab for Severus. He was too slow though, and the boy's fear had overcome him, making him wild.
Before anyone else could 'attack' him, he bolted out the door, so fast that his toes barely touched the floor.
He was so weak though. He had barely enough blood in him to function, much less run for his life.
Before too long he slumped to the floor, unable to go any further.
My fault… he thought, before darkness blanketed him yet again.
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They found him quite far away. They wouldn't have found him if it hadn't been for the students. Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, and James Potter had found him in a heap on the way to Quidditch Practice. They had carried him back to the hospital wing, figuring something bad had happened.
They offered to help out, but the Nurse wouldn't have it. They were sent away, and had to settle for watching James at Quidditch practice.
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Minerva looked at the boy huddled under the blankets. His breathing was shallow, and every now and then he would cry out from his sleep of nightmares.
When he finally woke up, he wouldn't speak to anyone. He wouldn't even show emotion. He had put on the stone mask.
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It was nearly summer vacation. Severus had been well enough to leave the Hospital wing, but he still wasn't speaking to anyone.
When other students looked at him, all they saw was a shell of what once was another child, His face was dull now, void of everything. He never, ever spoke.
James knew he was still there, though, in his mind. He was still alive… He could see it in Severus's eyes. They were bright, intelligent, and alert. James wished there was a way to bring back the old Severus. Nobody deserved this.
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Minerva and Dumbledore were scheming. The authorities had been alerted of the gashes on Severus's back, but the wounds had been healed before they had examined the boy, and they told the school that there was no evidence of the gashes ever having been there. They looked past the scars that covered his battered body.
So they schemed. There had to be a way to catch Severus's father, but HOW?
They decided n an old muggle trick. A hidden camera. But with… slightly different capabilities.
While Severus was sleeping, they put a spell on him. Basically, everything he experienced would be transmitted to a special room.
Whoever was in the room would see, hear, and feel what had happened to Severus.
"Where is this room, Albus?" Minerva asked after they had performed the spell.
"It's the old broom closet in the dungeon."
"Wait, then how will we be here? I know I don't stay at the school over Summer holiday."
"It will all be recorded. We will have to wait until school resumes before we can view his summer. Even then, it will take months to view them all. And yes, we do have to view them all."
Minerva nodded. Did she really want to live a summer through Severus? Did she really want three months of beatings, during her coffee breaks?
She shook her head. It's not about what I want. She thought.
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School was in! Finally! Minerva watched her students file in. She had yet to view Severus's summer, and she wasn't looking forward to it.
He had gotten rid of the permanent mask, which was great. But he walked with an almost undetectable limp, and every time he walked somewhere, the mask drew over his face.
Minerva had figured out that he wore the mask when he was afraid, or hurting. She had no idea that the mask had been up virtually all summer.
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Dumbledore led her to the room. She took a deep breath and stepped in. As soon as she did, she became him, walking to his own front door. He rang the bell and the house elf answered it. He walked in to find his father reading the paper at the kitchen table.
"Why aren't you at that damned school of yours?!" his father snapped.
Minerva felt Severus's heartbeat speed up.
"S-Summer holiday…" he stuttered.
"How did you get home? I didn't pick you up!"
"I walked, father." Minerva gasped. He had walked from the train station to his house? That was too long for a small boy carrying a heavy trunk to walk!
"It's all right, father. I know you didn't mean to forget about me…"
He realized he probably shouldn't have said that.
"You stupid fool! What do you think you're talking about?! You don't KNOW anything!" his father shouted, throwing the newspaper at Severus. It hit him in the eye, but he didn't show that his eye was shooting pain through his head.
'I'm sorry Father. You're right." Severus said softly, although his mind was screaming in outrage.
"DON'T SPEAK TO ME, YOU LITTLE SHIT!" his father shouted.
Minerva gasped.
"Go into the living room, boy. I'll be in to punish you. His father's eye glinted cruelly.
Minerva held her breath. What kind of punishment did he mean?
Severus walked into the living room. He took off his shoes so not to soil the rug. He put his trunk in the hallway. When he came back, he could here his father 'preparing' in the kitchen.
He walked in, grinning. He had his favorite weapon in hand.
Minerva gasped. He was holding a long, thin strip of metal. It looked sharp and it shined coldly. Was he going to beat his SON with that?!
She cried out as Severus was kicked in the knee, knocking him to the floor. She couldn't believe it hurt so much. His father had kicked him very hard! He took another kick to the stomach. He pulled himself to his knees dizzily.
I think he cracked my leg… Severus though. Minerva realized that this was why he limped.
"Take of your shirt, you little freak!" his father yelled.
Severus began to unbutton his shirt. His father kicked him again.
"Faster!" he shouted.
Severus managed to get his shirt off.
He father pushed him to his hands and knees, and began whipping him with the sharp metal. Severus didn't make a sound, but his mind was getting foggy, and black spots danced on his eyes.
Minerva was crippled from the pain Severus was enduring. She would have passed out long ago, had it really been her being beaten. However, Severus was still conscious, so she couldn't pass out.
Severus saw blood spraying over him. It dripped down his sides with every strike, and on impact, tiny speckles of blood appeared on his father's hands and ace.
Finally, Severus lost consciousness. Minerva stopped feeling pain, and she left the room, before Severus woke back up.
Dumbledore looked at her questioningly. She burst into tears and bolted.
He raised his eyebrows. It must be a very, very bad case, he thought. He walked in.
A bit later he stumbled out nauseously. He had experienced the next days beating, very similar to the one Minerva felt, only the wounds from the day before were already hurting him, and this made the pain tenfold before Severus finally lost consciousness.
He slowly crept up to his bedroom, where he slept, out of sheer exhaustion, and a need to escape the real world. He dreamt dreams of deep crimson on a white carpet.
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The next day, Minerva looked at Severus a bit differently, as she would every day, viewing more and more of his fortitude and courage.
After class, she asked Severus to stay a few minutes.
He stood there edgily, with untrusting eyes.
She smiled at him. He seemed to feel a little less nervous.
"Severus," she said. He smiled shakily.
"What've I done, Professor?" he asked. She remembered the night in the Hospital Wing when he had asked that question in his sleep.
"Please father… tell me… what've I done?"
"It's not about what you've done, Severus." She said comfortingly. :It's about what's been done to you."
He seemed uncomfortable.
"W-What do you mean?" he asked softly.
"Could you lift up the back of you shirt, Severus? I never got to see if those slashes on your back healed well."
"I'd rather not…" he seemed uneasy.
"Why's that?"
"They healed fine. Besides, they were my fault." He seemed more confident.
He's
thought up an excuse, she thought. Why is he protecting his father?
"How were they your fault?" she asked pointedly. I shouldn't have taunted the Hippogriffs." He said.
Minerva saw that he was gripping the back of his robes so hard that his knuckles were turning white.
"Hippogriffs?" that was a good excuse. The slashes could have come from a Hippogriff, if they hadn't been from his father.
"Father took me to a Hippogriff farm on Easter break. I was injured, but to ashamed to tell him."
"Where the stairs you fell down also at this Hippogriff farm?" she snapped, fed up.
"No! Those were at my house!" he started to look scared. He knew she didn't believe his excuses.
"Why are you lying to me, Severus?"
He stared at her blankly.
"W-What do you mean?"
"Severus, I know that it's your father that does this to you. I know that he calls you names and whips you with the metal. Why do you lie to protect him? We can't help you until you tell someone what he does! We have no evidence until you tell us!"
He looked horrified. That was the first time she had ever seen him show fear without the mask, besides the time in the Hospital wing.
"How do you know?" he whispered, his eyes mortified.
"I just do. To stop him, you have to step forward!" She didn't know whether saying those things was a good move or a death wish. She was inexperienced in this kind of behavior.
"You don't know…" he whispered. The he began to shout. "You don't! You don't know anything! You don't know anything about me or my family! I can take care of myself! I don't need help from anyone! I'm not a coward! I'm not that weak! You just…" he began to choke on his words as he held back sobs. "You just don't know…" he whispered. He rubbed his eyes with the sleeve of his robes. He grabbed his books and turned towards the door, but stopped in his tracks.
The next class of students were standing in the doorway. James, Remus and Sirius at the front of the crowd. They had heard the entire conversation.
They stood there dumbly, mouths hanging open. They looked disgusted at the idea that someone would whip their child with a strip of metal.
Severus took one step backwards. His eyes shook, and his mouth hung open in horror. His secret was out, the whole world would know it now. They wouldn't treat him as an equal… they would think of him as a coward for being unable to fight back at his father.
He backed away from them. He ran into the table with a crunch. Her grimaced as a tiny trickle of blood began to run down his back and trip to the floor.
Soon, the tiny trickle, from one crunched wound, had accumulated in a puddle on the floor, although Severus didn't know it.
He dropped his books, which scattered across the floor. He felt his back with his hand. When his hand came back smeared red, his hand began to shake.
He jerked his head to look at the pool of blood on the floor, and as he did so, his foot caught in it and hi slipped, crashing to the floor.
He seemed to be in extreme pain, though not nearly so much as at the pool. A smear of blood was on the ground where he had fallen. A few more of his cuts had been pulled open when he fell. He was glad there wasn't chlorine in them this time. And not nearly so much blood.
He pulled himself up, a drop of blood dripping from his finger.
He stared at them, and they stared back. He saw pity in every face. He felt humiliated, weak. He felt like the lost puppy t hat couldn't fend for himself.
"Nothing," he whispered, breaking the silence.
"You know nothing about me. Nothing…"
He blinked. The whole sequence had been only a few minutes. Why did it feel longer?
He limped towards the door. Some cringed away from him, and some reached to help him.
"No!" he shouted at those trying to help. "Leave me alone! Don't ever touch me!" he snarled.
They stared at him. He pushed his way through and ran down the hall.
James ran after him, and after a little while, Severus tripped and crashed to the ground.
James ran over and tried to help Severus back up. Severus pushed him away weakly.
"I don't want your help!" he growled, a fingerprint of blood smeared on his chin.
"Why not?" James asked softly.
"I don't need you, or father, or anybody. I can take care of myself!"
"Please let me help you…" James pleaded.
"No. I'm not weak. I'm not the weak one, he is. I can take care of MYSELF." He repeated. "I have been doing it my whole life!"
"I know you can. But do you really want to?" James asked, sitting down on the floor. Severus sat there awkwardly, not really able to stand up.
"No, I don't. But that's how it has to be. Just leave me alone."
"Why does it have to be this way?"
"Because. I don't want to bring everyone down with me…" He whispered. He felt strong hand lifting him up, and he looked to see a few teachers lifting him.
"Stay away from me James. You'll only get hurt." He called as they began to carry him away. They seemed to think he couldn't hear them.
"Jesus Christ, he's light!"
"Has he lost weight?"
"He can't be much more than 65 pounds!"
"What on earth has he been eating?"
Severus grinned at James. He seemed to be amused by this, but James looked horrified.
"What've I been eating?" he whispered to James, as they walked away with him. "Not much."
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