Forgiving Vengeance
Chapter 8: Nightmares of the Past
In the dark room Hiro's head lolled forward, catching himself, he once again tried to sit up in the hard-backed wooden chair. It was the silence in the room that repeatedly dragged Hiro off to sleep. Only the soft, delicate sound of Trowa's uneven breathing penetrated the air.
Hiro tried to look at Trowa, who lay as still as death on the bed placed next to him, but he couldn't bring himself to see the blood that covered the once white sheets. This was his fault, he thought. He shouldn't have given such a high responsibility to him so quickly. Slowly he place his head in his hands, this should have never happened, he should have learned the first time.
Suddenly he was angry, angry with himself for feeling this way. Why should he feel sorry for himself? Wasn't Trowa the one who was fighting for his life at this very moment because of him, on this very bed he refused to look at? No, he thought, he had no right to feel bad. Forcibly he turned his head and for the second time he took in Trowa's appearance, and this time nothing escaped his intense scrutiny. Nothing. The blood that had crusted on his once clean navy blue uniform, the heavy bandage that wrapped around his arm that stopped the bleeding from the laceration he received from his forearm almost to his shoulder, and lastly, the heavy gauze that circled his abdomen covering the bullet-sized hole left from a laser wound.
Stiffly he stood up and gazed down on Trowa's body, his stare focusing on the small insignia pin that signified Trowa's rank. How ironic, Hiro thought bitterly, it was covered in blood. Once again he thought what a mistake it was to give him that pin, and his hand reached out to take it back. He would remove his rank, and hopefully that would remove his burden.
He was just about to remove it from his uniform when Trowa's hand suddenly covered Hiro's. "What are you doing?" He softly asked.
"Trowa, I shouldn't have –"
Trowa's eyes, which were slightly red from both pain and medication focused unsteadily on him. "You gave me your word Hiro, and you cannot take it back."
"It was wrong of me to give this to you."
"No, the only thing that is wrong here," he paused to take a shaky breath. "Is you continually trying to hide behind a hurt that you refuse to tell anyone about."
"When you've had and lost a family Trowa, then you will understand."
"Perhaps, but if I ever have and lose a family, I won't punish myself with their memory." Hiro flinched at his words. Trowa waited for the space of several seconds before he tried to ask. "Tell me about your wife Hiro, maybe then your dreams won't haunt you." Hiro turned sharply to Trowa, then turned away, his eyes staring off into space. He was quiet for so long that Trowa thought he was not going to answer his request when very slowly, and very softly his started to speak.
"We were going to do a raid that day, on one of their labs, that afternoon everything seemed normal," Hiro tightly shut his eyes as memories of that day came flooding back to him. "All the equipment checked in, all the weapons, everything, but when we got there, that's when everything went wrong…"
Hiro crouched down low in the mud; peeking over the fence he quickly scanned the area fronting the lab. Strange, he thought there were only five guards tonight, half the usual amount. Relena and Max came up along each side of him. He looked at his wife and smiled a quick smile, covered in mud and face paint, she was still beautiful. She caught his gaze and smiled a quick smile of her own. He tuned away and lifted a fist slightly in the air, signaling his troops to advance, Relena did the same, signaling her troops as well.
They were to separate, then meet at a designated place in the compound, but before they left each other they quickly did the routine action that had almost become a ritual to them. Hiro would quickly touch his heart, then his lips, lastly he would open towards her, Relena would then do the same. It was a kiss that held an intimate meaning between them, showing that their heart and mind, would always belong to each other.
Both turning their attention back to their troops, they left, each one going to each side of the building. Hiro rapidly overtook the guards, just as he anticipated he would.
"Wow, that went fast." Max said. "I hope there's more of a fight when we get to the barracks."
"Hiro grinned, "I'm sure there'll be enough for even you." Running into the lab, they placed bombs in rooms and in the hallways, soon they would meet Relena in the barracks that were held downstairs, almost directly in the middle of the whole building. They went through the lab quickly and efficiently, ending up at last in front of the entrance to the barracks. Breaking it down, they rushed in and stopped dead.
Max's astonished voice cut in, "It's …empty."
Just then Relena and her troops came in through the other side, and a feeling of dread crept down Hiro's spine. "Oh God…it's a trap." Just then a steady roar came from above the building, then from behind, on the sides, everywhere until the whole area shook with the sound. Running over to a small window Hiro glanced out and his heart froze. Transport ships. Each able to carry an army of Rykilions, two could easily outnumber them, but now there were so many Hiro didn't bother to count. Turning back sharply he shouted, "IT'S A TRAP!!! SEAL THE DOORS!!!" Suddenly everyone was moving at once, the whole room was an ocean of activity. People were pulling and wielding the doors shut, closing off the windows, tipping over beds, not one person was standing still. Relena was trying frantically to call for one of their transport ships but the radios weren't working because they were downstairs in a steel building. Suddenly she stood up and grabbed Hiro's arm. "Where's Yassa?"
"I'm here!" He replied.
"Don't you have a layout of the building?" They had to shout to hear each other over the commotion around them.
"Yes," Taking off his backpack he pulled out a blue print of the lab. Running her had down one side she looked to Hiro, "According to this there should be a water drainage pipe that runs into an underground sewer under the floor! But it's behind some steel so we'll have to blast our way out!"
Above they began to hear the steady march of the incoming troops. "We don't have a choice!" Grabbing a bomb out of a case he ran up and placed a bomb on the floor, signaling to everyone to get down he ran behind some overturned beds for cover. The blast seemed to echo through the entire lab, and when the smoke cleared, just as they had hoped there was a shaft leading down.
"Everyone in!" Hiro yelled. No one needed a second urging, one after another they all began to fill the airshaft, however one fact was becoming painfully obvious. "We're not going to have enough time to get everyone out!"
Relena's green eyes met Hiro's. "I'll stay." She said with quiet determination in her voice.
Hiro shook his head. "Out of the question. I'll stay, I'll ask some men to stay with me, so you'll have some time to get away."
"Then I'll stay with you!"
"NO! Relena listen to me! This is the only way! If we both stay here who will go home to Johanna?" With that, Relena lowered her head and nodded.
"At least let me see who will stay with you, I want to be able to tell their families any last messages they have." Hiro nodded. Short seconds later, Relena surveyed the fourteen men who had volunteered to stay with Hiro, only then did he turn back to her. "Time to go." He said, his voice uneven with emotion he was trying to keep under control. He took hold of her hand and began rapidly leading her back to the airshaft. That was the moment Relena had been waiting for, when Hiro turned his back. Swiftly and quietly she withdrew her gun and gave him a quick, powerful blow to his head, he crumpled to the floor. "Max"
She yelled, "Take him with you! Hurry!" Obediently Max slung his gun over his shoulder and ran over to her. Kneeling he threw Hiro over his back like a sack of flour. "Be careful with him Max." She asked him quietly.
He gave her a solemn nod. "I will be." With that, he ducked in the airshaft and was gone. Relena tried to squelch the terrible feeling she had inside, as if her soul were tearing in two, but even so, tears still streamed down her face as she briefly watched Max carrying Hiro.
Before turning back to her troops she placed several beds over the hole the bomb had made, and wiped her eyes, they needed to believe in her right now, and for them to do that, she must show courage. Bravely she walked back to them, and with a strong voice she spoke. "It is said that great men will be remembered in the stars to look over their families for eternity, and it is my honor to be with you at this time, for you will be among the stars soon. I hope to be there will you as well." All of the men gave her one last formal salute, only seconds afterwards the pounding on the door began.
Hiro woke up to a jarring pain in his head, and some faint recollection of what had happened, or where he was, until he looked around to try and find Relena. It was then he knew what she had done.
"Shit! Put me down!"
Max stopped and tried to gently put Hiro down, but he impatiently tried to push himself away from Max, and evidently did not know how dizzy he still was due to the blow to his head, because he almost fell over. Max's arm reached out to steady him, but he shook that off too.
"Dammit Hiro! Let me help you!" In response to that Hiro turned a furious face to Max and punched him solidly on the jaw. "Why did you let her do this, Max! Why!" He grabbed Max by the lapels and had every intention of hitting him again, but right now Max was stronger and purely out of brute strength slammed him against the hard concrete wall.
"Think for just one second Hiro. Think! You know it's better this way! If she hadn't of done what she did, who would've lead your troops! Your men believe in you, do you have any idea what it would've done to them if they knew you'd been killed?"
"So instead of me, you let my wife die!" Hiro bit out angrily. "How thoughtful of you."
Max flinched at his words, but instead of getting angry with him he spoke in a quiet, almost remorseful voice. "Someday I hope you will see that what she did was for the better Hiro, for you, for the war, for everything that we're fighting for. Then, and only then, will I ask for you forgiveness."
Hiro shook of Max and turned in the other direction and started walking as fast as he could.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm going back, I'm going to get her."
"Hiro!" Max yelled, running over and putting a restraining arm on his shoulder. "You can't go back there!"
"I won't leave her Max, not with them."
"And I won't let you go back." Max bit out, pulling him around, but to his surprise Max spun around and before he knew it, he was the one slammed up against the wall, with a gun placed directly under his chin. "Listen to me Max. I am going to get her, so you can either get in my way, or you can help me. But don't try to stop me again."
Max was quiet for the space of several heartbeats. "Alright. Alright Hiro, I'll go with you." Together they walked back, slowly and cautiously.
There was a small hole in the floor, about two feet wide where the bomb had gone off, however it looked like Relena had placed some beds over the it so really there was only a slight crack where they could peek into, and one look told them they couldn't have gotten back at a worse time. They arrived back just in time to see the last few remaining fighters killed. The smell of blood and smoke filled the room of where they had been, only when the smoke cleared did Hiro realize two things.
Hiro first noticed was that not all the soldiers had been killed as he had originally thought, there were still two alive, although they had been forced into a kneeling position with their hands and ankles tied behind their backs.
The second was Relena being held by the arm by a Rykilion. Her face was bloody and he could tell she had been shot in the arm where the Rykilion was holding her, and he was speaking through a small interpreting machine, which allowed them to communicate in English. Hiro could barely hear what he was saying, but he still remembered each and every softly menacing, spoken word. "I grow tired of asking you this your Highness, but I will keep doing so until you tell me what you want. Where are they?"
Relena said nothing, she only stared straight ahead in silence. The Rykilion squeezed her wound, causing blood to flow out of her arm, and Relena to grimace in pain. He leaned down into her pain-twisted face. "This can all end your Highness, tell me what I want to know, and this can be all over." Still she said nothing. He squeezed harder on her arm and Relena let out a scream of pain. "Tell me." He said ruthlessly. Relena turned to him and with as much hatred as she could muster, she said two words to him. "Fuck you."
Suddenly he pulled out his gun and pointed it straight at one of the soldier's head. "Tell me, your Highness." He bit out, mocking her title. Relena turned her head toward the soldier, "I'm sorry." Was all she said. The soldier nodded bravely, he understood his responsibilities, and those lives of his fellow soldiers far outweighed his now. He lifted his head valiantly, "I will wait for you in the stars your Highness."
A single shot, and his lifeless body sank to the floor. Relena shut her eyes, tears falling for her fallen comrade, and Hiro's heart broke into a thousand pieces. He had never before felt so helpless, so close to the one who he loved more than life itself, yet he was unable to do anything for her. For two hours Hiro watched them torture Relena, shooting the other man in the process, but when that had still failed they turned to physically trying to beat it out of her, punched after punch, kick after kick Hiro watched in silence, tears falling from his eyes. When that tactic had failed they, they began to inflict knife cuts in certain places in her body, she screamed in pain, but still she would not say anything, and Hiro almost went insane.
Finally, they gave up, frustrated and angry the Rykilion who had spoken to her before now delivered one shot to the stomach, and Hiro had never before wanted to kill anyone as he much as he wanted to kill him that day, the Rykilion had deliberately shot her in the stomach, knowing that shooting her in the head or heart would end her suffering, with this shot he increased it. They walked out of the room, and left her there to die. For countless minutes Hiro and Max waited there until they thought they had a chance to get her. When Hiro could wait no longer, he pushed his way through the hole and ran over to her battered and broken body. "Relena,…" She slowly blinked her eyes showing was alive, barely, but she did not move. "Lena, please look at me." Gently he cradled her head close to his chest, and with one free hand he wiped the blood from her face, which seemed to be pouring out from everywhere. She tried to say something, but choked and gurgled on the blood spilling out from her mouth. Finally with one last Herculean effort, she raised her hand and clumsily touched her heart, then her mouth and opened her hand to him, after she tried to touched his check, when her had faltered Hiro caught it and placed it gently on his cheek. She gazed into his eyes one final time and with that her head fell back in his lap. "No," Hiro whispered brokenly. "No."
Max turned his head away, out of respect, and because he could not bear to see such and painfully poignant scene before him.
Hiro leaned down and with aching tenderness her kissed her cheek and closed her eyes forever. And with a touch that was almost reverent he picked up her body.
Hiro blinked as the world around him faded back into the small hospital room., but his voice was rough with emotion. "I carried her body for four miles, until the tunnel ended. When we reached our base I had heard the Rykilions were looking for her body, that they thought it would be an amusing twist of fate if they used her as a host body, so I had her body buried in a secret place." Hiro stood up and looked at Trowa, "Now at least you can begin to understand what I have been through."
Trowa did not know what to say, did not have the words to comfort someone who had experienced such anguish. Nevertheless, he felt she should at least try. "I can't begin to tell you that I know how you feel, what I can tell you is that I have lived through death of a loved one, I actually have no family of my own that I know of, and through all of this life has gone on for me, and it will do so for you as well. Now that you have lanced you wound that has been festering in your heart, over time you will find happiness again, Hiro. That is my promise to you."
Hiro only nodded. "Rest now Trowa, I will see you in the morning." He left the hospital room, his mind repeating a phrase over and over. "You will find happiness again, Hiro, You will find happiness again, Hiro." "God" he thought, "I hope so."