Looking In

Disclaimer:  I do not own Sailor Moon or the song 'Looking In', which is copyrighted to Mariah Carey.  I do not own any other characters in this fic, nor do I claim to.  Please read and even if you do not review, enjoy. 

Looking In

You look at me and see the girl

That lives inside the golden world

But don't believe

That's all there is to see

You'll never know the real me

   She refused to let the tears fall, but again failed.  

   She tried.... She tried so hard.  She tried as hard as anyone possibly could to please them.... And they still ridiculed her.

   Was she destined to be treated like that?  

   Forever caught in a cycle of serving everyone else and ignoring what she herself wanted-- true friends?

She smiles through a thousand tears

And harbors adolescent fears

She dreams of all

That she can never be

She wades in insecurity

And hides herself inside of me

   They saw her as the ditzy blonde.  She kept the façade of a cheerful teenage girl up as long as possible when all she wanted to do was cry.

   How could anyone satisfy them?

   They wanted who her mother had pretended to be.  But like her mother, Usagi dreamt of being normal, free from always failing, always feeling as though she was never good enough for anyone.

   But her mother had been far better at acting than she would ever be. 

Don't say she takes it all for granted

I'm well aware of all I have

Don't think that I am disenchanted

Please understand...

   She valued their friendship-- and everyone else's-- and never took it for granted. 

   But she couldn't help feeling that perhaps no friends would be better than the.... mess she was constantly in.  That's all it was.  A big, tangled mess she would never be able to unravel. 

   She paused in her walk as her eyes landed on a mother and her young daughter, chatting and giggling as they played with a small puppy. 

   Usagi never-- not once-- regretted having to save the world time and time again, but was it so wrong to have a normal life?  To grow up like that little girl, having a mother- her real mother- that at the very least would spend time with her rather than in a palace as Queen for close to eternity?  Surely that was not a crime. 

   It seems as though I've always been

   Somebody outside looking in

  Well here I am for all of them to bleed…

   'Forget it.' 

   She was going to move on.  Mamoru apparently had; he'd gone off saying something about college she hadn't quite caught months ago and had never made any contact to her except when she had called him.  Not the strongest relationship she'd seen.  Weren't older men supposed to be mature? 

   'Another myth.'

   But they can't take my heart from me…

   She would move on.  In fact, she'd been asked out several times, and there were groups of girls that had seemingly made it their mission in life to ask Usagi if she'd like to go with them to whatever function they happened to be heading toward. 

   One of the guys from school waved to her as he jogged by and she smiled brightly, waving back.  Move on.  Those two words sounded absolutely wonderful.

   And they can't bring me to my knees…

   She would no longer bow to the whims of her so-called friends any longer.  If they wanted nothing other than her power, why should she be their lapdog?  For no matter which way she twisted and molded herself, there would always be someone unsatisfied with her. 

  They'll never know the real me…

   They knew her as a ditzy blonde, and that would be their memory of her. 

   She'd save her real self for someone that truly cared.  Someone that valued her friendship as much as she did theirs. 

   Usagi looked down as a thump met her ears to see a young man in his late teens or perhaps early twenties on the ground, looking up in bewilderment.  She followed his gaze to see Sailor Pluto and ChibiUsa in a portal.

   "Take care of Tousan!" ChibiUsa cried before the portal disappeared, swirling closed magically.  Ah, magic…

   Usagi blinked and helped the surprisingly heavy young man off the concrete.

   "Ano… Usagi-san?  Watashi wa namae Trunks Briefs.  This is going to sound really strange, demo…"

   Usagi couldn't help but smile.  'Arigatou…'  

                                                               ~OWARI~

I've noticed my writing has taken a turn lately to a more serious tone than when I first started.  Much of the humor- if you find anything funny- in future fics has already been created, and most likely not changed from the original text.  I hope you all continue to read, if not my work than someone else's.  And please, always review.  It's a wonder what a small comment can do these days…

This fic is dedicated to those people who review and those that have encouraged me to not give up.  Thank you very much.