DISCLAIMER: I do not own Digimon or any of its characters. I just like to torture them. Please don't sue.
A/N: This entire chapter focuses on one event. Oh, a lot *happens*, but everything leads up to the event, or describes it repercussions. The event is obvious...if you read the chapter.
The next day, when they got to his "living room", Ken had Yolei sit down and he sat across from her. Again he took off the cape. Whether it was a comfort thing for him, or whether he knew it made him seem more attractive, Yolei couldn't be sure.
"So...yesterday," he tried.
"Yeah."
"I have to tell you, but you don't want to hear it."
"You think that you care about me?" she asked, looking at him over the top of her glasses.
"I *know* I *care* about you. I *think* that I...you said you don't want to hear it."
"The...'L word'?" she whispered.
They had both acknowledged it in their own minds, Ken had more or less told Wormmon, Yolei had told Kari, and Hawkmon, and Cody, and T.K.. She was pretty sure Kari had told Davis, and that everyone had explained it to their own digimon. So everyone knew it. They just hadn't admitted it to each other, even though they both desperately wanted to, and to hear it from the other.
He nodded. "This is torture. I want to say it."
"Then *say* it," she said. "Say it and we'll go from there."
"Yolei, I love you." The admission felt so good, but then came the part where it killed him. She was going to tell him that it wasn't meant to be, that they needed to both go their own ways.
She looked away. "Ken...this is hard...things are going to get really complicated if we both admit it...but I'm willing to try. Ken, I love you, too."
He sat, shocked. ~She does?~ He'd thought that she didn't want to hear it because she didn't feel it. At the same time, he could feel the happiness welling up within him, and it was a completely new sensation for him. He'd never been truly happy until then.
He blinked. "You do?"
She looked up, halfway to throwing herself into his arms. "Yes, I do! Now, the others are going to hate me, and I'll never hear the end of it, and life is going to be just one big heartache, but I do love you!"
He reached out and tentatively put a hand on her shoulder. She put her own hand over it and laid her head on it. Her eyes were closed. Oh, no...not that...yes, she was going to...
She started crying. "Ken..."
~Oh great, now what? Do I comfort her? Let her get it out of her system? What?~ He debated for a few split seconds, and finally reached his other hand to her other shoulder and scooted a bit closer. She collapsed into his arms, grabbing hold of his shoulders. He drew her close as she laid her head on his chest. He took his glasses off and laid them aside, then let his arms drop and clasped them around her waist. He laid his head on top of hers. Suddenly, her pain was his. He felt exactly what she felt. He knew what she had to deal with, both inwardly and outwardly, just because he had captured her heart, and he hurt for her. He felt tears well up in his own eyes. What *was* this feeling?
"Ken...it's not fair..."
"What isn't?" he choked.
"I'm sure in another dimension...you're not the bad guy...and we're in love, not pinned down by what other people think..."
He smiled. He kissed the top of her head. "Yolei, I don't care what they think. I still love you." He was again amazed at how soft her hair was against his cheek.
Yolei clung to him. "You're all I have now...the others will hate me for having told you...even Hawkmon will be upset..."
"Then why go back?" he asked.
She opened her eyes. "What? I have to go back! They'll worry."
~'They'll worry'. Not, 'Where would I stay?', or 'Stay here? In this room? With you?', but 'They'll worry'.~ "Yolei, I think if they'll worry, it means they care about you enough that they won't hate you. You've lasted this far and they all still like you."
She hadn't thought of it that way. "Well, yeah, I guess."
She didn't want to let go of him any more than he wanted to let go of her, so neither one moved for a minute. She was surprised to feel something wet on the top of her head.
"Ken?"
"Yes?"
"Are you...crying?"
"Yolei, you're right...it isn't fair. You shouldn't have to go through any pain just because you love me. By all rights you shouldn't love me. I should be the one suffering because of what I feel, and you shouldn't even know. But you feel it, too...Yolei, how did we do this to ourselves?"
She didn't know what to say. Should she press her luck? Would it even *be* pressing in his current state? "Ken...I wouldn't be going through anything if you weren't the Kaiser."
He blinked. He should have known she'd say something. Oddly enough, it never crossed his mind that she didn't love him, and that she might just be manipulating him. He knew she would never do that. As much as she longed to be free, she'd never play around with a heart like that. "Yolei...I can't just give up everything I've worked for."
"It's not the work...it's your pride."
He frowned. ~That hurt.~ But he knew it only hurt because it was true.
"Yolei..."
"I told you from the start that things could only go so far unless you gave up being the Kaiser." She pulled away from him, hard as he tried to hold her. "And it's gone too far." She wiped her eyes and stood. "I want to go back to the others."
He stood. "Yolei, please understand that I--"
"Ken!" she stopped him effectively before saying her piece. "I can never bring myself to understand why you enjoy controlling nearly every living being in the world. I can never bring myself to understand why you ever decided that you wanted to do this. I can never bring myself to understand how you thought that you had the right to build up an empire on the blood, sweat, and tears of countless thousands of Digimon slaves!" She whirled away so she didn't have to look at him, placing a finger on the nosepiece of her glasses.
He put his hands on her shoulders from behind, grasping a little rougher than was necessary in his moment of anger. "And I don't think I'll ever understand why it's such a big deal to you. They're just data." He relaxed his grip. He knew better than to have grabbed her like that.
She opened her eyes wide. ~Could it be that he doesn't *know*?~ "Ken, digimon are real! Just like any animals in the real world. Just like us!"
He pulled backwards. He gasped quickly, but soon regained his composure. ~What is she thinking?~ "Do you really want to go back now?"
She bit her lip. "No. But I think we'd both be better off if I did."
He sighed. "Come on, then." He took her arm and they started the walk back.
When they got there, he opened the door, but before he let her go, he turned her to face him. "Yolei, please know...no matter what happens...I *do* really love you. Really." He stroked a strand of hair back into place behind her ear. She reached up and grabbed his wrist, and closed her eyes, leaning her head against his hand.
"I know you do. But I think we both need time to think."
He drew her close and kissed her on the top of her head again. It was almost as if kissing her on the lips was off-limits, even though he knew she'd let him if he tried it. Then he let her go and pushed the door closed behind her.
~What have I done?~ he thought.
Ken went to bed early that night. He wasn't tired, and he wasn't out of things to do, but he needed a decent pretense to talk to Wormmon.
"Wormmon, I told her I love her, and do you know what?"
The small, green digimon shook his head.
"She loves me, too."
Wormmon's eyes widened. "Wow..."
"But, damn it, Wormmon, it hurts so bad. She says that nothing else can happen unless I give up being Kaiser."
"So why don't you--"
"Not you, too."
Wormmon kept his mouth shut.
Ken sighed. "I love her, damn it! Why can't she just accept me for who I am?"
"She loves the kind part of you."
Ken rolled over onto his stomach and buried his face into his pillow in irritation. He should have known he'd get something like that from Wormmon.
"Why can't you be kind all the time, like now? It's like Jekyll and Hyde."
Ken lifted his head out of his pillow so Wormmon could hear him. "And you think the Kaiser is Hyde?"
Wormmon didn't answer for a minute. "If I said that the nice part of you is Jekyll, would that be close enough?"
"Yes." Ken buried his face again momentarily, but lifted it with a thought that chilled him. "Wormmon, have you ever actually *read* 'Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde'?"
"No. Why, Master?"
"I have. At the end of the book, Jekyll ended up turning into Hyde completely, and then Hyde died. He committed suicide."
This unsettled Wormmon. Ken could feel the small creature tense next to him. "Master..."
"I know. I'm tired. I'm going to sleep."
"Good night, Master." Wormmon laid next to Ken protectively, and for a fleeting minute, Ken thought he knew how it felt to truly be partners with one's digimon.
It didn't even cross his mind that it was a weak thought.
He didn't think like that anymore.
He still acted much the same outwardly, except when Yolei brought down his guard, but his thought patterns had completely changed.
Not that he was any less of a genius. Smarts don't just pack up and walk away. But the way he saw things had changed.
At first, he had seen only outward beauty and a bit of spunk in Yolei. But now, she was so much more in his eyes. And it wasn't *just* that she cared about him, that she made him feel loved. It was that she made him feel loved in spite of his shortcomings. And, yes, she had made him realize that he *had* shortcomings.
Inside, he was a completely different Ken.
And this completely different Ken had one last question for Wormmon.
"Wormmon? If I went back to the real world and deleted all the Digital World files off of my computer, and any other computer that might have them, would it still exist?"
"Of course it would, Master. That's a silly question."
In that moment, Ken came to a new understanding.
~Yolei was right...~
The next morning, Yolei woke to Hawkmon's soft snores.
~Nothing's changed...~ she thought. ~At least, not with him.~
She didn't feel like getting out of bed, so she didn't, but at the same time, she couldn't sleep for the sound of the thoughts running through her head. ~I'm in love. I love and am loved. So why does everything seem so crappy?~ She sighed. Something big was going to happen, that was why. She could sense it. ~But what?~
Lunchtime came, and Yolei waited patiently. She wasn't sure if she was ready to see him, but she knew she was going to.
Right?
The minutes ticked past, and Ken never darkened the doorway. Yolei sat until half-past noon and then went in and ate half of a cold lunch.
Where was he?
~He promised never to miss a day!~
It wasn't like she had asked for the promise, so she wasn't sure why it upset her so much.
Hawkmon saw what it was doing to her, and tried to be a comfort. "Yolei, my dear, he might have had some emergency."
She nodded, but she didn't feel any better.
Ken sat silently in his chair in the Control Room. He had a plate of food in front of him, but he had yet to take a bite. He'd pushed it around but he wasn't hungry.
~This sucks.~ It was about the only thought he could formulate at that point.
"Master?"
"Yes, Wormmon?"
~Ken sounds tired.~ "Aren't you going to eat?"
"I miss Yolei."
"Then go eat with her."
"I can't. She hates me."
Wormmon blinked. What was wrong with his master? "She just told you yesterday that she loves you."
Ken sighed. "She also said that nothing could come of it unless I gave up being the Kaiser. And, well...look at me."
Anyone else would have seen a jumpsuit, glasses, and a cape. But Wormmon knew the circumstances, and therefore he saw what others wouldn't. A jumpsuit that was far bigger than it should have been, or a person far too small. Dark glasses to mask a pair of eyes that bared a hurting soul. A cape to intimidate, and scare away anyone who wanted to get close. But none of it had worked on Yolei. Truthfully, it might have worked on most people at one time, but anyone who saw him now would laugh.
And Wormmon knew what was wrong. ~He's heartbroken.~ "Ken, you need her. You're getting sick, and it's only been one day."
"I know. I need her here. I want to her to always be here with me."
"I want you to be happy."
"But I never will be without her!"
"Then go get her!" Wormmon blinked at his own forcefulness. He never gave direct orders to Ken. He always suggested with a "Maybe you should...".
Ken blinked as well. "I will let that slide this time, but if you ever speak to me with such insolence again, I will be forced to get my whip." Get his whip. He hadn't worn it in weeks, and it was an empty threat. Ken had come to see even Wormmon in a new light, and longed to hug him and apologize and start treating him like a real Digipartner. It was mostly image and pride that kept him from doing so.
Wormmon nodded. "Yes, Master. What I meant was, it might be better for your health *if* you went and got her."
"I'm sure you did. What do you suggest I do?"
"Well...you could...marry her."
Ken blinked, dropping his fork. "Are you kidding me?"
"No, Master."
~Of course. She would come stay here and we would always be together, and...well, no, not always together. But most of the time. All the time I didn't have to be in here. And...~ His mind was going ninety miles an hour. ~But would she agree?~ He sighed. ~Of course not...well...it's worth a try.~
"Wormmon, call the Floramon. They have some sewing to do."
The next morning, Yolei was sitting alone, on the couch in the main room. Hawkmon was with the others, who were watching yet another video game tournament. Something about Kari and Cody's final showdown. She had wanted to take her mind off of Ken, so she had borrowed one of T.K.'s many books (he had but to simply ask the digimon slaves for a certain book and he got it within a day or two--as a result, there were very few dating from after when they had been imprisoned) and was reading. She had finally become engrossed enough that she had quit thinking about her own problems, and there was a rattle at the main door.
She sighed. ~Figures.~ She laid the book down, spine up, open to her page, and turned and looked. Two Pagumon had come.
"Hello..."
"We are here to get you. The Kaiser wishes to see you," the closer one said.
Tears welled up in her eyes. Ken had not tried to forget about her after all! "I'm coming!" She got up and left, following the Pagumon, without telling anyone where she was headed. She figured that they could figure it out.
Ken smiled as the door to the Control Room opened. It was his Yolei!
She glanced about until her gaze settled on him. He'd turned his chair to face the door.
She ran for him, taking his hands in her own. "Ken! You..." she blinked. "What? Didn't you sleep last night? You look..."
"I know. I was missing you." He stood, and pulled his hands from hers to put them on her shoulders.
She ran the back of her hand over his cheek. "Missing...me?"
"Yes." He glanced over her shoulder. "Pagumon, you're dismissed, and lock the door behind you on your way out. I want privacy."
Yolei blinked as the Pagumon left. "Uh, why?"
"Because, I had you come up here for a special reason. I want to ask you something."
"Shoot." She might not have said something so casual if she had known what he was going to ask.
He smiled, and kissed the top of her head. He did not pull away as her started to talk. "Yolei, I know this is going to be hard for you to answer. It's hard for me to ask. But, I think the time has come where it's going to have to be all or nothing."
She blinked. ~Oh...my...word...~ She knew that it *could* have been many things, but she was pretty sure which one it was. ~I can't believe this. He's worn down my resolve. I thought that not letting him love me would weaken him...but it didn't work that way. But I know what the answer is, I can't lie. I can't believe I let myself do any of this. But now...I can't...stop it...~
He pulled back now, to look her full in the face. "I love you, Yolei, with all my heart. I know my heart may not seem that big at times, but I'm giving you all I've got. Please, would you--could you find it in your heart to--I know I'm not worth it, but can you love me enough do me the honor of becoming my wife?"
"Whaa--aa--at?" Her voice cracked. Even though she'd had a few seconds to prepare herself to hear it, she was still swept off her feet and on the verge of tears and floating on cloud nine and...
"Yolei, will you marry me?"
She started crying. "Ken...oh dear...I've dreamed of this moment a thousand times...in a thousand different ways...but I never thought I'd cry..."
"Yolei..." ~Damn it. Here it goes. She's crying because she has to say no, no matter how much we love each other.~
She had to do it. ~Things are all wrong...but they might turn out right yet...I have to say what I feel...and I feel that *using* him to get us free is wrong...and I really do love him...~ "Ken...yes, oh heavens, yes!" She threw her arms around his neck, and he hugged her around her waist. He was too stunned to do much else. She was still crying, but they were happy tears.
"Yes? As in...you will? You really mean...*yes*?!?" he stuttered joyfully.
"Yes! Yes, I do!"
"You love me so much you're willing to put up with it all...with everything...?"
"You're the genius, how hard can it be for you to figure out one simple word? Yes! Yes, I love you! Yes, I want to marry you! Yes, I want to be your wife! Yes, it's true, I don't care what the others think!"
"I love you!" He hugged her tightly and started dancing a wacky waltz with her in his arms. She just laughed in delight.
Suddenly, she tried to stop, holding him tightly so he'd quit. "Ken!"
He stopped. "What?"
"When?"
"When what?"
"When are we going to get married?"
He laughed like a person does when they're trying to hide something. "Eheh...well...how does tomorrow work?"
"Tomorrow?" she squeaked.
"Yeah, as in, twenty-four hours from now, give or take."
"But...oh, hell with it. That sounds wonderful. I'll leave Hawkmon down with the others for a few days and we can call that a honeymoon."
He laughed. The honeymoon had definitely crossed his mind. Kaiser or no, he was still a guy, and guys were guys. "Great. And then after that, he can come up here to stay."
"What about my stuff?"
"If you want to know the truth, I already have some Floramon working on new clothes and a wedding gown for you. You can get your stuff and tell all the others after the wedding."
"After the wedding?"
"Well, do you honestly think they'll let you go through with it if they know? You'll have to keep it a secret. Just tonight."
She sighed. "You're right. I won't tell them."
"It's not that I don't want you to share your good news, I'm just afraid that if you do, it could jeopardize it...and I couldn't deal with losing you." He pulled her close again and kissed the top of her head. "I'll send the Pagumon for you tomorrow evening, after dinner?"
"That late?"
"Well, we don't have anyone to invite to a celebration. After the wedding, there won't really be anything to stop us from starting right on that honeymoon, so I thought the evening would be better."
She nodded. "After dinner. I won't tell a soul. Not even Hawkmon--wait, when they come, can I leave a note? I'll hide it where they won't see it until they look for it, and they won't look until it starts getting late."
"All right. I don't want them charging the digimon that bring them dinner to come get you. Bring whatever you might need besides clothes, but pack light. Don't bring suspicion on yourself."
She nodded. "I better head back. No one knows I left. If I hurry, they might not ever know I was gone."
He nodded, opened the door, and entrusted her to the Pagumon. "Tomorrow."
"Tomorrow."
Yolei peeked her head into the living room.
All clear. ~Yes!~
She went into the room, and the Pagumon closed the door behind her. She sat back at the couch, and resumed her book, trying not to smile and give herself away.
Of course, there was still the possibility that they were all in one room, worried sick. Or maybe they thought she had gone into her room to cry--there had been no struggle, and there were no signs that there had been. It didn't seem like she had been missed, but she wasn't sure yet.
Until Kari came out of Cody's suite. "I just beat Cody to the sixth level!" she announced. "Come on, come watch me cream him all the way to the eighth."
Yolei looked up with a serious face, and half-smiled. Not too big. She had to keep her secret. "Well, okay...it might take my mind off Ken."
Kari smacked her forehead down onto her hand.
That night, Hawkmon couldn't sleep. Something wasn't right.
Yolei was sleeping peacefully enough. That was the problem.
Not that he didn't want her to sleep and have sweet dreams. It was just, usually, when she was upset--which he knew she was--she woke up often, crying out a word pertaining to whatever was bothering her. She should be waking up calling Ken's name--not that Hawkmon liked that in itself--but she slept soundly, rolling over once in a while, murmuring things he couldn't understand. Typical-Yolei behavior. Not Upset-Yolei behavior.
But what could have happened? She had not resolved within herself to forget about Ken. She would have told him. She had not spoken to Ken, or gotten any communication from him.
Or had she? She'd been alone a lot that morning...but no, she would have been happy. She would have told them all. She would have giggled over it with Kari.
What was it, then?
A/N: He popped the question! (I always wanted to say that.) Tune in next time for "Secret Marriages of the Rich and Infamous". This is your host, RenaissanceGrrl, saying ciao 4 now, and please review!
A/N: This entire chapter focuses on one event. Oh, a lot *happens*, but everything leads up to the event, or describes it repercussions. The event is obvious...if you read the chapter.
The next day, when they got to his "living room", Ken had Yolei sit down and he sat across from her. Again he took off the cape. Whether it was a comfort thing for him, or whether he knew it made him seem more attractive, Yolei couldn't be sure.
"So...yesterday," he tried.
"Yeah."
"I have to tell you, but you don't want to hear it."
"You think that you care about me?" she asked, looking at him over the top of her glasses.
"I *know* I *care* about you. I *think* that I...you said you don't want to hear it."
"The...'L word'?" she whispered.
They had both acknowledged it in their own minds, Ken had more or less told Wormmon, Yolei had told Kari, and Hawkmon, and Cody, and T.K.. She was pretty sure Kari had told Davis, and that everyone had explained it to their own digimon. So everyone knew it. They just hadn't admitted it to each other, even though they both desperately wanted to, and to hear it from the other.
He nodded. "This is torture. I want to say it."
"Then *say* it," she said. "Say it and we'll go from there."
"Yolei, I love you." The admission felt so good, but then came the part where it killed him. She was going to tell him that it wasn't meant to be, that they needed to both go their own ways.
She looked away. "Ken...this is hard...things are going to get really complicated if we both admit it...but I'm willing to try. Ken, I love you, too."
He sat, shocked. ~She does?~ He'd thought that she didn't want to hear it because she didn't feel it. At the same time, he could feel the happiness welling up within him, and it was a completely new sensation for him. He'd never been truly happy until then.
He blinked. "You do?"
She looked up, halfway to throwing herself into his arms. "Yes, I do! Now, the others are going to hate me, and I'll never hear the end of it, and life is going to be just one big heartache, but I do love you!"
He reached out and tentatively put a hand on her shoulder. She put her own hand over it and laid her head on it. Her eyes were closed. Oh, no...not that...yes, she was going to...
She started crying. "Ken..."
~Oh great, now what? Do I comfort her? Let her get it out of her system? What?~ He debated for a few split seconds, and finally reached his other hand to her other shoulder and scooted a bit closer. She collapsed into his arms, grabbing hold of his shoulders. He drew her close as she laid her head on his chest. He took his glasses off and laid them aside, then let his arms drop and clasped them around her waist. He laid his head on top of hers. Suddenly, her pain was his. He felt exactly what she felt. He knew what she had to deal with, both inwardly and outwardly, just because he had captured her heart, and he hurt for her. He felt tears well up in his own eyes. What *was* this feeling?
"Ken...it's not fair..."
"What isn't?" he choked.
"I'm sure in another dimension...you're not the bad guy...and we're in love, not pinned down by what other people think..."
He smiled. He kissed the top of her head. "Yolei, I don't care what they think. I still love you." He was again amazed at how soft her hair was against his cheek.
Yolei clung to him. "You're all I have now...the others will hate me for having told you...even Hawkmon will be upset..."
"Then why go back?" he asked.
She opened her eyes. "What? I have to go back! They'll worry."
~'They'll worry'. Not, 'Where would I stay?', or 'Stay here? In this room? With you?', but 'They'll worry'.~ "Yolei, I think if they'll worry, it means they care about you enough that they won't hate you. You've lasted this far and they all still like you."
She hadn't thought of it that way. "Well, yeah, I guess."
She didn't want to let go of him any more than he wanted to let go of her, so neither one moved for a minute. She was surprised to feel something wet on the top of her head.
"Ken?"
"Yes?"
"Are you...crying?"
"Yolei, you're right...it isn't fair. You shouldn't have to go through any pain just because you love me. By all rights you shouldn't love me. I should be the one suffering because of what I feel, and you shouldn't even know. But you feel it, too...Yolei, how did we do this to ourselves?"
She didn't know what to say. Should she press her luck? Would it even *be* pressing in his current state? "Ken...I wouldn't be going through anything if you weren't the Kaiser."
He blinked. He should have known she'd say something. Oddly enough, it never crossed his mind that she didn't love him, and that she might just be manipulating him. He knew she would never do that. As much as she longed to be free, she'd never play around with a heart like that. "Yolei...I can't just give up everything I've worked for."
"It's not the work...it's your pride."
He frowned. ~That hurt.~ But he knew it only hurt because it was true.
"Yolei..."
"I told you from the start that things could only go so far unless you gave up being the Kaiser." She pulled away from him, hard as he tried to hold her. "And it's gone too far." She wiped her eyes and stood. "I want to go back to the others."
He stood. "Yolei, please understand that I--"
"Ken!" she stopped him effectively before saying her piece. "I can never bring myself to understand why you enjoy controlling nearly every living being in the world. I can never bring myself to understand why you ever decided that you wanted to do this. I can never bring myself to understand how you thought that you had the right to build up an empire on the blood, sweat, and tears of countless thousands of Digimon slaves!" She whirled away so she didn't have to look at him, placing a finger on the nosepiece of her glasses.
He put his hands on her shoulders from behind, grasping a little rougher than was necessary in his moment of anger. "And I don't think I'll ever understand why it's such a big deal to you. They're just data." He relaxed his grip. He knew better than to have grabbed her like that.
She opened her eyes wide. ~Could it be that he doesn't *know*?~ "Ken, digimon are real! Just like any animals in the real world. Just like us!"
He pulled backwards. He gasped quickly, but soon regained his composure. ~What is she thinking?~ "Do you really want to go back now?"
She bit her lip. "No. But I think we'd both be better off if I did."
He sighed. "Come on, then." He took her arm and they started the walk back.
When they got there, he opened the door, but before he let her go, he turned her to face him. "Yolei, please know...no matter what happens...I *do* really love you. Really." He stroked a strand of hair back into place behind her ear. She reached up and grabbed his wrist, and closed her eyes, leaning her head against his hand.
"I know you do. But I think we both need time to think."
He drew her close and kissed her on the top of her head again. It was almost as if kissing her on the lips was off-limits, even though he knew she'd let him if he tried it. Then he let her go and pushed the door closed behind her.
~What have I done?~ he thought.
Ken went to bed early that night. He wasn't tired, and he wasn't out of things to do, but he needed a decent pretense to talk to Wormmon.
"Wormmon, I told her I love her, and do you know what?"
The small, green digimon shook his head.
"She loves me, too."
Wormmon's eyes widened. "Wow..."
"But, damn it, Wormmon, it hurts so bad. She says that nothing else can happen unless I give up being Kaiser."
"So why don't you--"
"Not you, too."
Wormmon kept his mouth shut.
Ken sighed. "I love her, damn it! Why can't she just accept me for who I am?"
"She loves the kind part of you."
Ken rolled over onto his stomach and buried his face into his pillow in irritation. He should have known he'd get something like that from Wormmon.
"Why can't you be kind all the time, like now? It's like Jekyll and Hyde."
Ken lifted his head out of his pillow so Wormmon could hear him. "And you think the Kaiser is Hyde?"
Wormmon didn't answer for a minute. "If I said that the nice part of you is Jekyll, would that be close enough?"
"Yes." Ken buried his face again momentarily, but lifted it with a thought that chilled him. "Wormmon, have you ever actually *read* 'Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde'?"
"No. Why, Master?"
"I have. At the end of the book, Jekyll ended up turning into Hyde completely, and then Hyde died. He committed suicide."
This unsettled Wormmon. Ken could feel the small creature tense next to him. "Master..."
"I know. I'm tired. I'm going to sleep."
"Good night, Master." Wormmon laid next to Ken protectively, and for a fleeting minute, Ken thought he knew how it felt to truly be partners with one's digimon.
It didn't even cross his mind that it was a weak thought.
He didn't think like that anymore.
He still acted much the same outwardly, except when Yolei brought down his guard, but his thought patterns had completely changed.
Not that he was any less of a genius. Smarts don't just pack up and walk away. But the way he saw things had changed.
At first, he had seen only outward beauty and a bit of spunk in Yolei. But now, she was so much more in his eyes. And it wasn't *just* that she cared about him, that she made him feel loved. It was that she made him feel loved in spite of his shortcomings. And, yes, she had made him realize that he *had* shortcomings.
Inside, he was a completely different Ken.
And this completely different Ken had one last question for Wormmon.
"Wormmon? If I went back to the real world and deleted all the Digital World files off of my computer, and any other computer that might have them, would it still exist?"
"Of course it would, Master. That's a silly question."
In that moment, Ken came to a new understanding.
~Yolei was right...~
The next morning, Yolei woke to Hawkmon's soft snores.
~Nothing's changed...~ she thought. ~At least, not with him.~
She didn't feel like getting out of bed, so she didn't, but at the same time, she couldn't sleep for the sound of the thoughts running through her head. ~I'm in love. I love and am loved. So why does everything seem so crappy?~ She sighed. Something big was going to happen, that was why. She could sense it. ~But what?~
Lunchtime came, and Yolei waited patiently. She wasn't sure if she was ready to see him, but she knew she was going to.
Right?
The minutes ticked past, and Ken never darkened the doorway. Yolei sat until half-past noon and then went in and ate half of a cold lunch.
Where was he?
~He promised never to miss a day!~
It wasn't like she had asked for the promise, so she wasn't sure why it upset her so much.
Hawkmon saw what it was doing to her, and tried to be a comfort. "Yolei, my dear, he might have had some emergency."
She nodded, but she didn't feel any better.
Ken sat silently in his chair in the Control Room. He had a plate of food in front of him, but he had yet to take a bite. He'd pushed it around but he wasn't hungry.
~This sucks.~ It was about the only thought he could formulate at that point.
"Master?"
"Yes, Wormmon?"
~Ken sounds tired.~ "Aren't you going to eat?"
"I miss Yolei."
"Then go eat with her."
"I can't. She hates me."
Wormmon blinked. What was wrong with his master? "She just told you yesterday that she loves you."
Ken sighed. "She also said that nothing could come of it unless I gave up being the Kaiser. And, well...look at me."
Anyone else would have seen a jumpsuit, glasses, and a cape. But Wormmon knew the circumstances, and therefore he saw what others wouldn't. A jumpsuit that was far bigger than it should have been, or a person far too small. Dark glasses to mask a pair of eyes that bared a hurting soul. A cape to intimidate, and scare away anyone who wanted to get close. But none of it had worked on Yolei. Truthfully, it might have worked on most people at one time, but anyone who saw him now would laugh.
And Wormmon knew what was wrong. ~He's heartbroken.~ "Ken, you need her. You're getting sick, and it's only been one day."
"I know. I need her here. I want to her to always be here with me."
"I want you to be happy."
"But I never will be without her!"
"Then go get her!" Wormmon blinked at his own forcefulness. He never gave direct orders to Ken. He always suggested with a "Maybe you should...".
Ken blinked as well. "I will let that slide this time, but if you ever speak to me with such insolence again, I will be forced to get my whip." Get his whip. He hadn't worn it in weeks, and it was an empty threat. Ken had come to see even Wormmon in a new light, and longed to hug him and apologize and start treating him like a real Digipartner. It was mostly image and pride that kept him from doing so.
Wormmon nodded. "Yes, Master. What I meant was, it might be better for your health *if* you went and got her."
"I'm sure you did. What do you suggest I do?"
"Well...you could...marry her."
Ken blinked, dropping his fork. "Are you kidding me?"
"No, Master."
~Of course. She would come stay here and we would always be together, and...well, no, not always together. But most of the time. All the time I didn't have to be in here. And...~ His mind was going ninety miles an hour. ~But would she agree?~ He sighed. ~Of course not...well...it's worth a try.~
"Wormmon, call the Floramon. They have some sewing to do."
The next morning, Yolei was sitting alone, on the couch in the main room. Hawkmon was with the others, who were watching yet another video game tournament. Something about Kari and Cody's final showdown. She had wanted to take her mind off of Ken, so she had borrowed one of T.K.'s many books (he had but to simply ask the digimon slaves for a certain book and he got it within a day or two--as a result, there were very few dating from after when they had been imprisoned) and was reading. She had finally become engrossed enough that she had quit thinking about her own problems, and there was a rattle at the main door.
She sighed. ~Figures.~ She laid the book down, spine up, open to her page, and turned and looked. Two Pagumon had come.
"Hello..."
"We are here to get you. The Kaiser wishes to see you," the closer one said.
Tears welled up in her eyes. Ken had not tried to forget about her after all! "I'm coming!" She got up and left, following the Pagumon, without telling anyone where she was headed. She figured that they could figure it out.
Ken smiled as the door to the Control Room opened. It was his Yolei!
She glanced about until her gaze settled on him. He'd turned his chair to face the door.
She ran for him, taking his hands in her own. "Ken! You..." she blinked. "What? Didn't you sleep last night? You look..."
"I know. I was missing you." He stood, and pulled his hands from hers to put them on her shoulders.
She ran the back of her hand over his cheek. "Missing...me?"
"Yes." He glanced over her shoulder. "Pagumon, you're dismissed, and lock the door behind you on your way out. I want privacy."
Yolei blinked as the Pagumon left. "Uh, why?"
"Because, I had you come up here for a special reason. I want to ask you something."
"Shoot." She might not have said something so casual if she had known what he was going to ask.
He smiled, and kissed the top of her head. He did not pull away as her started to talk. "Yolei, I know this is going to be hard for you to answer. It's hard for me to ask. But, I think the time has come where it's going to have to be all or nothing."
She blinked. ~Oh...my...word...~ She knew that it *could* have been many things, but she was pretty sure which one it was. ~I can't believe this. He's worn down my resolve. I thought that not letting him love me would weaken him...but it didn't work that way. But I know what the answer is, I can't lie. I can't believe I let myself do any of this. But now...I can't...stop it...~
He pulled back now, to look her full in the face. "I love you, Yolei, with all my heart. I know my heart may not seem that big at times, but I'm giving you all I've got. Please, would you--could you find it in your heart to--I know I'm not worth it, but can you love me enough do me the honor of becoming my wife?"
"Whaa--aa--at?" Her voice cracked. Even though she'd had a few seconds to prepare herself to hear it, she was still swept off her feet and on the verge of tears and floating on cloud nine and...
"Yolei, will you marry me?"
She started crying. "Ken...oh dear...I've dreamed of this moment a thousand times...in a thousand different ways...but I never thought I'd cry..."
"Yolei..." ~Damn it. Here it goes. She's crying because she has to say no, no matter how much we love each other.~
She had to do it. ~Things are all wrong...but they might turn out right yet...I have to say what I feel...and I feel that *using* him to get us free is wrong...and I really do love him...~ "Ken...yes, oh heavens, yes!" She threw her arms around his neck, and he hugged her around her waist. He was too stunned to do much else. She was still crying, but they were happy tears.
"Yes? As in...you will? You really mean...*yes*?!?" he stuttered joyfully.
"Yes! Yes, I do!"
"You love me so much you're willing to put up with it all...with everything...?"
"You're the genius, how hard can it be for you to figure out one simple word? Yes! Yes, I love you! Yes, I want to marry you! Yes, I want to be your wife! Yes, it's true, I don't care what the others think!"
"I love you!" He hugged her tightly and started dancing a wacky waltz with her in his arms. She just laughed in delight.
Suddenly, she tried to stop, holding him tightly so he'd quit. "Ken!"
He stopped. "What?"
"When?"
"When what?"
"When are we going to get married?"
He laughed like a person does when they're trying to hide something. "Eheh...well...how does tomorrow work?"
"Tomorrow?" she squeaked.
"Yeah, as in, twenty-four hours from now, give or take."
"But...oh, hell with it. That sounds wonderful. I'll leave Hawkmon down with the others for a few days and we can call that a honeymoon."
He laughed. The honeymoon had definitely crossed his mind. Kaiser or no, he was still a guy, and guys were guys. "Great. And then after that, he can come up here to stay."
"What about my stuff?"
"If you want to know the truth, I already have some Floramon working on new clothes and a wedding gown for you. You can get your stuff and tell all the others after the wedding."
"After the wedding?"
"Well, do you honestly think they'll let you go through with it if they know? You'll have to keep it a secret. Just tonight."
She sighed. "You're right. I won't tell them."
"It's not that I don't want you to share your good news, I'm just afraid that if you do, it could jeopardize it...and I couldn't deal with losing you." He pulled her close again and kissed the top of her head. "I'll send the Pagumon for you tomorrow evening, after dinner?"
"That late?"
"Well, we don't have anyone to invite to a celebration. After the wedding, there won't really be anything to stop us from starting right on that honeymoon, so I thought the evening would be better."
She nodded. "After dinner. I won't tell a soul. Not even Hawkmon--wait, when they come, can I leave a note? I'll hide it where they won't see it until they look for it, and they won't look until it starts getting late."
"All right. I don't want them charging the digimon that bring them dinner to come get you. Bring whatever you might need besides clothes, but pack light. Don't bring suspicion on yourself."
She nodded. "I better head back. No one knows I left. If I hurry, they might not ever know I was gone."
He nodded, opened the door, and entrusted her to the Pagumon. "Tomorrow."
"Tomorrow."
Yolei peeked her head into the living room.
All clear. ~Yes!~
She went into the room, and the Pagumon closed the door behind her. She sat back at the couch, and resumed her book, trying not to smile and give herself away.
Of course, there was still the possibility that they were all in one room, worried sick. Or maybe they thought she had gone into her room to cry--there had been no struggle, and there were no signs that there had been. It didn't seem like she had been missed, but she wasn't sure yet.
Until Kari came out of Cody's suite. "I just beat Cody to the sixth level!" she announced. "Come on, come watch me cream him all the way to the eighth."
Yolei looked up with a serious face, and half-smiled. Not too big. She had to keep her secret. "Well, okay...it might take my mind off Ken."
Kari smacked her forehead down onto her hand.
That night, Hawkmon couldn't sleep. Something wasn't right.
Yolei was sleeping peacefully enough. That was the problem.
Not that he didn't want her to sleep and have sweet dreams. It was just, usually, when she was upset--which he knew she was--she woke up often, crying out a word pertaining to whatever was bothering her. She should be waking up calling Ken's name--not that Hawkmon liked that in itself--but she slept soundly, rolling over once in a while, murmuring things he couldn't understand. Typical-Yolei behavior. Not Upset-Yolei behavior.
But what could have happened? She had not resolved within herself to forget about Ken. She would have told him. She had not spoken to Ken, or gotten any communication from him.
Or had she? She'd been alone a lot that morning...but no, she would have been happy. She would have told them all. She would have giggled over it with Kari.
What was it, then?
A/N: He popped the question! (I always wanted to say that.) Tune in next time for "Secret Marriages of the Rich and Infamous". This is your host, RenaissanceGrrl, saying ciao 4 now, and please review!