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Season 3

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Buffy comes back to Sunnydale after being gone for three months, and we really don't care because the first two episodes of this season SUCK.


Joyce: "You can't run away from your problems, Buffy......even if I did tell you you couldn't ever come back here again."


Willow: "You were gone the whole summer! And it doesn't matter that you were upset because your mom kicked you out and you got expelled and you had to kill the love of your life to save the world......I was doing spells and stuff! I needed somebody to talk to!"


Xander: "You suck, Buff."


Buffy: "Wah! Leave me alone!"


(viewers): Yeah, man.....give her a break. For once she's justified in her whining!


Some evil zombies pop up, everyone fights together, and suddenly everything's okay. Faith shows up.


Faith: "Hi, I'm Faith, your whorish new slayer. I'm here with such little fanfare because Kendra died in the second season and the author forgot to mention it in her season 2 parody because she was obsessing too much over Angel's leather pants."


(viewers): ack! She sucks! And down with the author!


Suddenly, at the abandoned mansion, Angel drops naked from the ceiling. He is glistening and NAKED.


(viewers): AAAAHHHHH!!! SCREW the leather pants! Give us Naked Angel any day !!!!! And even if they did rip that idea off of the original Terminator movie, we deduce that the lack of his leather pants means that he is no longer evil.


Buffy: "Wow, you're alive again. By the way, we can't see each other any more."


Angel: "You're right, that would be best."


They kiss.

Except Xander sees them kissing, and now Buffy's in TROUBLE.


Giles: "You lied to me!"


Willow: "We think you might be confused."


Xander: "I hate Angel. You suck for not telling us he was alive again."


(viewers): Damn, it's a real 'hate on Buffy' year, isn't it?


Elsewhere, the mayor of Sunnydale fusses about germs and worries about the slayer problem.


Mayor: "Ack! Ew....germs. Yuck. Ghastly things."


(viewers): PLEASE tell us this poof isn't the Big Bad for the season!


Mayor: "No one must interfere with my mysterious ascension......."


(viewers): Oh no! he IS the Big Bad of the season! Where's Spike when we need him?!


Faith: "Wah, I've had a rough life. Wah, I killed a guy. Wah, I'm gonna compete with Buffy for the 'whiner of the year' award......think I'll go join the bad guys."


Mayor: "Well hello there, Faith. How would you like me to take you under my wing and develop a really weird and icky father / daughter relationship with you?"


Faith: "Okay."


Meanwhile, Spike visits Sunnydale and tells Buffy and Angel they'll never be friends. He gives his famous "love's bitch" speech.


(viewers): We LOVE that episode !!!


Buffy: "What I want from you I can never have. I can't see you anymore."


Angel: "But I love you. I don't accept that we can't see each other."


Buffy: "You have to."


Angel: "Okay."


They kiss.

Meanwhile, Xander and Willow hook up and they SUCK because they were being unfaithful to Cordelia and Oz.


Willow: "Oh, Oz I love you, but let me go make out with Xander at every freaking opportunity, even right after you are incredibly sweet in giving me a Pezwitch and telling me you think of me."


Xander: "Yes, and I am really happy that I've got a hot girlfriend, but let me put the moves on the same best friend that I have ignored my whole life, even having known that she was in love with me."


(viewers): Whatever. You guys SUCK.

meanwhile…


Faith: "Oh yeah, I'm bad. So what do I do now?"


Mayor: "We've got to keep Buffy from ruining my ascension. Go turn Angel evil."


Faith: "Okay."


Buffy: "You can't! Because Angel is MY boyfriend, and we totally played you."


(viewers): Did she just say "psych"? How old is that, anyway? Seriously, we stopped saying that back in like, the sixth grade!


Buffy: "What I want from you I can never have. I can't see you anymore."


Angel: "But I love you. I don't accept that we can't see each other."


Buffy: "You have to."


Angel: "Okay."


They kiss.


(viewers): Whoa, déjà vu.


Somewhere along the line, there's actually a Xander episode. He sleeps with Faith and gets all cocky (heh heh) about it later when he's suddenly got huge amounts of confidence when facing down a bad guy who wants to blow up the school. Nobody cares.

Elsewhere, Buffy and Angel are walking through the sewer.


Angel: "This is never going to work. We can't see each other any more."


Buffy: "But I love you. Don't I get a say in this?"


Angel: "No, we have to break up. I'm leaving."


(viewers): Yeah whatever. This is like, the 43 rd time you two have broken up. We SO don't believe you guys!


At graduation, nobody's really surprised when the mayor turns into a big, badly computer generated snake. It eats Snyder, but nobody notices because the author failed to find anything interesting / funny enough to put into this parody about him.

Anyways, Buffy kills the CGI, and there was much rejoicing. Angel and Buffy look at each other, and Angel leaves.



(viewers): What? He's not really leaving, right? I mean.....you guys ALWAYS say you're gonna break up. But you don't! It's okay.....he'll be back, right? It's a joke.....they're just trying to make us think he's leaving, but he'll come back next season just when we don't expect it, and it'll be a big laugh on us. Yeah.....that's it......right? Right?