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Season 4

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Buffy walks onto the college campus wearing normal clothes for once. We don't really care though because by this point we all know that Angel really IS gone, and we are fully prepared to hate the show without him.


Buffy: "Wah....I feel all left out…I don't know my way around campus. Wah.....feel sorry for me."


Willow, Xander and Oz show up. Xander is happy because this is the year of "the sex", and he just got some from Anya, who he doesn't really like.


Buffy: "Ha! I've got you beat! I've already had sex with Parker, three episodes after separating from the so-called love of my life. Also, you should feel sorry for me because he used me and hurt my feelings. Wah."


She looks around suddenly in confusion. "Hey, where's Giles, anyway? We haven't seen him yet." Everyone glances around, but quickly gives up when he doesn't immediately materialize.


Around this time Spike comes back, and we are all excited because we hope he'll be able to save the season, which is already looking bleak. Suddenly Riley enters the picture with his farm-boy attitude and boy-next-door demeanor. No one is impressed.


Riley: "Hi, I'm Riley.....a way too-perfect and annoyingly good-looking "Joe normal" type guy. Can I be the next guy to fall hopelessly in love with you that you don't care anything about?"


Buffy: "Sure!"


Fifteen episodes later, when Buffy and Riley are taking a break from having sex, we finally get into a plot for the season. We find out that Riley is part of a secret government project called the Initiative. His boss Maggie has created the big bad of the season in the form of Adam......the Great Pooferini of all Big Bads.


(viewers): Oh no! PLEASE tell us this boring conglomeration of crap isn't the new big bad! Where's the mayor when we need him!?


We also learn that Oz cheated on Willow with another werewolf, and that Xander and Anya are going at it like bunnies in the attempt to out-sex Buffy and Riley. They FAIL MISERABLY

(viewers): Oz...we miss Oz.....


Willow: "Hey, where's Giles, anyway?"


Everyone looks around, but no one sees him.


Xander shrugs. "I dunno.....but hey, what's going on this season?"


Spike: "Oh, I know this one. Your Nancy-boy Riley, there, belongs to the Initiative. They kidnapped me and stuck a chip in my head that inhibits me from killing people. This is really just a plot device to enable my character to hang around with you scoobies, and give the viewers something decent to watch this season."


(viewers): hell yeah!


Buffy: "Yeah, and I think also we're supposed to kill that Adam guy, or something."


Somewhere along the line we actually get a good episode, in "Something Blue." Buffy and Spike get engaged because of a spell of Willow's, and this is funny . Unfortunately, the spell is reversed, and everything goes back to (*cough CRAP cough*) normal. Everything just goes from bad to worse, though, when Faith comes back and switches bodies with Buffy.


Riley: "Hey, Faith.....er, Buffy. Why don't we get it on, and I can tell you I love you for the first time, even though I obviously hardly know you.....otherwise I would have been able to tell how oddly you were acting."


Faith/Buffy: "Five by five.....er, I mean Okay!"


(later)


Buffy: "You slept with Faith?!"


Riley: "I slept with you"


(viewers, understanding that Riley's a bit slow...): No, that was Faith! And Angel would never have done that. Good God, man..... even Xander didn't take advantage of Buffy when she wasn't herself in Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered! You suck, Riley.


Riley tries desperately to shift the focus off of himself. "Hey, where's Giles?"


The gang goes off and kills Adam. During the battle, the gang bonds once again after having drawn apart that season, and nobody really cares 'cause by this point we're all just watching for Spike.


Spike: "That's right. I've got the stones. "


(viewers): hell yeah!


So that's it, the season's over, the big bad's been defeated, yadda yadda yadda. Except it's not. There's this one little episode tacked onto the end, after everything else. It makes no freaking sense, and everyone but one very confused, slightly sarcastic Buffy-fan in Cincinnati, Ohio loves it.


(viewers, shouting): You didn't like RESTLESS?!!!!!


(author, in a very small voice): uh......no?


At this point the viewers throw up their collective hands in disbelief and vow to never read another parody from the author, ever again.


Hours later, after everyone has gone home, a sexy fuddy-duddy of a former Watcher comes stumbling onto the board wondering where everyone went.


Giles: "Hello! Anyone? I'm right here! Hello?!........(sighs in exasperation).....Oh bloody hell...."