(a/n! This is just an idea I got in math class while studying for tomorrow's test.. I don't have the patience to proofread, but.. ah well! Enjoy, if your mind allows you to.. ;P)
When Heero and Disney Collide, It Ain't Pretty
(AKA WHADCIAP)
Act One
One day, a young man named Heero was skipping merrily down the street, not a care in the world.
Heero stands, staring at the camera with a glassy-eyed look. His eye twitches slightly. "No." Several cast members sigh impatiently as the "Happy Disney" props and background shudder at his coldness. Yes. The props shuddered. It's Disney, remember?
I said. One day, a young man named Heero was skipping merrily down the street, not a *care* in the *world*.
The Japanese pilot's other eye begins to twitch.
Whoops, read the script wrong! One dark and gloomy day, a solemn youth was walking distractedly down the road...
"Hn."
Come on, work with me here! This is Disney! Blasted goody-two shoes Disney! Killing people without BLOOD Disney! Danged-darned-dag nabit *DISNEY*! ... Don't make me get the Mouse on your butt.
"... !!" The lights dim and Heero, head bowed, makes his way down the scene. The camera is rolling. A few people in the beginning of his short walk greet him with a merry "Good eve!". This is quickly stopped as Heero mutters something I dare not repeat in a Disney-fic.
Heh heh. The young man continues to make his way down the road, the town slowly falling away. Dusk is long gone; the night is full. The houses become fewer, stretches of uninhabited land becoming more common. The road slowly gives way to a dusty, weather-beaten path.
Heero turns and glares at the narrator. "They get it already! They get the frickin' bloody point! Couldn't you have just said, 'He went out of town'?! For Heaven's sake! Quit with the melodramatics!" He pauses. In his normal, dead voice, he intones, "Sorry. Stress."
.. Okay. Uh.. where was I? .. *Pause* .. Oh yeah. At the very end of the narrowing path is an old, Victorian-style mansion, home to a prince and his seven Dwarf-ettes.
The Wing pilot stopped for a moment to walk offstage, then back onstage. He carries a script. "This.. isn't written." He flips through it, scanning the words quickly.
Improvisation. I lost my script so I get to make things up.
"That's not.. good for my health, is it?"
Since when have you cared about your health? Okay, on with the story! So the youth walks up, in an almost mysterious manner, to the mansion and knocks on the door.
Heero begins to read a script that was just handed to him. His voice is mechanical. "Hello. May I please come in and rest my weary head. The.. wicked wizard is after me."
The wooden door opens slowly, a blond haired Arabian prince glancing out.
Quatre sighs and shrugs haplessly. "Good evening! Yes, sure, you may come in.. just watch out for my dwarf-ettes, as they tend to be slightly impish.. "
The Japanese boy obligingly enters, the thick wooden door shutting soundly behind him. Seven dwarf-ettes are busy doing various things.
Very unhappy looking, Relena, Hilde, Catherine, Dorothy, Sally, and Noin all glare angrily at the camera, which is focused on them.
Doing. Various. Things. Not. Staring. At. The camera.
They quickly busy themselves. The seventh, and so far unnamed dwarf-ette continues to stare sullenly at the camera.
W-w-wait! I wasn't expecting this! He.. he's not a dwarf-ette!
Sorry. We had trouble finding a seventh girl. Milliardo, hair up into two pigtails and makeup on, seems to be borderlining on crying and strangling the nearest person.
But.. but.. this is a Disney movie! We can't have cross-dressing!!
Shut up.. noone ever has to know..
Heero and Prince Quatre sit down at a table and converse intelligently, eating a meal of cornbread and baked beans. Heero's head slowly begins to waver back and forth, as does the young Prince's. Soon, they both find themselves snoring into their large glasses of buttermilk.
The dwarf-ettes are immediately concerned.
Quatre sighs and resignedly leans over slightly, trying to stay in character. Heero sits there, rigid.
"Oh no," Sally says with no emotion in her voice. "Heero and Qua--... Prince Quatre are blowing snot bubbles into their buttermilk."
Suddenly, an evil chuckle rebounds throughout the room.
"Hah. Hah hah, hah hah, hah HAH."
An ominous shadow appears.
"Oh no!" Noin comments dryly, "it's Fork-sama-- OOF! I mean.. Treize, Quatre's evil red-headed stepbrother!"
Treize enters stage left, then pauses and throws an orange at Quatre. "There! I'm done!" He prances off of the stage.
Prince Quatre had a secret; his evil brother, Treize! Treize was.. uhm.. older, but everyone liked Quatre better so they gave him the.. mansion and dwarf-ettes and.. stuff, making Treize extremely jealous. The envious young man conferred with a magical football trophy and-- hey, where are you going?
The entire cast begins to walk off stage. Heero glances absently at the camera. "Potty break."
Oh.
---
Fin act one.. Should I write an act two? ^^() *Laughs* This is just the prologue, really..
*Glomps Wu* Thankies for some ideas.. Fork-sama!
And, remember, everyone!
"THE CORN CHILD IS IN ALSO"!!
~AtF 10/02/01