Title: Lost
Author: Skye
Warnings: angsty,
depressing
Disclaimers: blah blah
blah...don't sue.
Notes: This one is for
those who bugged me for a sequel to 'Use Me'. Well, here it is. Though I can't
say its any good. Enjoy!
C&C is the fountain of
life!!
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Does he realize the effect
he has on me?
No. I'm sure he doesn't.
How could he? All I do is push him away, when I'm not thrusting into his warmth
that is.
It is wrong. I know it is,
have known since the start. But I need him.
It makes my heart rejoice
when he calls my name as I enter him…the glow of ecstasy on his elfin features,
expressive violet eyes darkened by lust. I get hard just thinking about it.
But have I ever told him
this? Will I ever tell him? Absolutely not. He deserves better than what little
I have to offer.
I told myself I could walk
away from what we're doing. Its just sex after all. Right? Not for me though,
every time we are in bed I'm loving him...I'm making love to him.
One day he'll leave me and
this amazing time in my life will end. I'll once again face the demons of the
night alone, waking in terror at the images my subconscious supplies. Being
with him keeps them away...keeps me sane. How I'd love to wake up with him in
my arms. But I don't have the right to ask that of him. For that would require
love, and who could ever love the 'Perfect Soldier'?
That end...I can feel it
getting closer. I can see it in his eyes when he doesn't know I'm looking. I
wonder what he'd think if he knew how much I simply watch him? It hurts to
always watch him, knowing my love isn't returned. Will never be returned
really, not by him. And he's all that matters.
I suppose I could shower
him with flowers, poems of love, and songs that express how I feel for him. But
I won't. Why? Because he would laugh, he'd leave. And that would destroy me.
He's already leaving anyway, so why does it matter? It matters because I
want...no I need to savor each and every moment with him.
When it comes down to it,
that's all I'll have in the end. The bittersweet memories of the times I've
held him in my arms, no matter how brief. I ache to hold him even now.
I'm lost without him.
When he's not near I feel
as if I'm lost at sea. Slowly drowning as wave after wave crashes over my head.
Deadly currents dragging my struggling body into the inky depths, the wind
cruelly ripping my screams from my lips.
He can save me from the
sea. Only he never will.
I love you Duo.
I'll cry for you when you
leave. Will you cry for me?
