For Better, For Worse

by Annna

Okay, sure hope part 5 loaded okay this time... R&R please!

4. Chapter 4, 1st half

For Better, For Worse (4)


First of all, sorry this has taken so long, but my keyboard isn't working as it should, which makes writing hard =). This part is a bit different from the previous parts, since it only has two main plotlines instead of several. Hopefully though it's still worth reading. I think it goes without saying that the "Friends" characters don't belong to me, but to NBC and Bright, Kauffman & Crane. And thanks to Tracey for proof-reading most of it for me, I haven't had the time to read through it myself and your comments were quite helpful =).



"I've never understood why you have receptions at funerals" Monica said to Joey during the funeral reception. "I mean… What's there to celebrate?"
"I don't know…" Joey said. "The fact that so many people have the love for somebody in common?"
"I think that's wedding receptions" Monica said. "It's just gross to have a party when somebody dies."
"Well it's not really a very fun party" Joey said. "How many happy faces do you see in this room?"
Monica nodded slowly. She was quiet for a minute and almost forgot Joey was there.
"You know Joe…" she then said. "Rachel's not here… It's such a shame. It makes me wonder, which one of you and me will have a funeral with no one from our gang present? Maybe both of us will. Who knows whether or not the one who survives the other will be well enough to go?"
"Phoebs was the only one who had all of us there" Joey said. "But actually, I think that the last one of us to go will have everyone there too. In fact, I think the only one who's not here today is Rachel."
"No, it's only you and me here" Monica said. "Ross and Phoebe are not."
"Well they will be" Joey said. "When the last one of us dies… I have always believed we'll be reunited, you know. We drifted apart, we never thought that could happen to us, but we somehow remained good friends. Only we didn't see each other so much."
"I remember how you and Chandler used to take Anthony fishing during the weekends when he was ten" Monica said. "I think he hated it, but he didn't want to disappoint you."
"What makes you think he hated it?"
"He broke his rod on purpose."
"So then we took Jesse instead" Joey said. Jesse was his son. Joey only had one child.
"Yeah, and he didn't like it much either" Monica said.
"I know. He never fished when we were out sailing…"
Monica nodded.
"Joe… Did you ever think things would be the way they turned out to be?" she asked. "That Chandler and me would fall in love, that Rachel would end up alone, that Ross would die in a car accident?"
"No. And I didn't think I would have only one kid either. God, I mean if anyone had told me back in like 1998 that I would only have one child while Chandler would end up with six… I would have said that it was some sort of mix-up."
"I didn't want that many children" Monica said. "Not once we started having kids. Don't get me wrong, I've always loved my kids, but it's a lot of work and effort. I felt that three would be enough, definitely no more than four. And oh have I ever been punished for thinking that way…"
"You haven't been punished for anything" Joey said. "It was out of your control."
"You can't change something I've thought for close to forty years" Monica said.
She looked the other way and hoped he wouldn't continue the conversation. It wasn't one she liked discussing. Especially not at Chandler's funeral reception. She was thankful that Bridget had taken care of organizing it, she didn't want anything to do with it herself. She didn't even want to be there for it, but her children had insisted. They had said that Chandler would want her to be there, and that it would be good for her to take part in every part of the funeral.
"You know something?" Monica said to Joey.
"What?"
"The kids might have to deal with another funeral reception soon enough. In fact, I wouldn't mind if that happened. Only for their sake."
"I don't get it, what are you talking about?"
"I don't want to live much longer Joey. I want to be where he is, wherever that may be. Living is something that a married couple is supposed to do together, what's the point in doing it alone?"
"Clara died ten years ago, yet you haven't seen me give up" Joey said. "Mon you need to get over yourself. Life goes on without Chandler, he won't benefit from you dying, and your kids certainly won't. And you won't either. Not to mention me. Don't tell me you've stopped being you, stopped being an individual. I know how much you and Chandler meant to one another, but your talk about giving up just makes me mad. You are in no way different from all the other people who lose their spouses after decades of marriage, why should you be the only one to die because your spouse does?"
"I would be far from the only one."
"You're only wishing to die out of self-pity" Joey said. "You're feeling sad, but most of all you're feeling sorry for yourself. You aren't admitting it, but it's the truth. You feel so sorry for yourself since you have to find out how to move on and try to keep balance in life without Chandler. And you don't think you can get over this, so you want to die. It's really infantile Monica. You've always turned childish in rough situations, don't you think it's time to stop that now?"
"How dare you?" Monica asked and rose as quickly as she could. "How can you talk to me like that, accuse me of things like that when I just saw my soulmate being buried an hour ago?"
She had a lot more on her mind as well, but she didn't feel able to say it. She walked as fast as she could to Liam's room, which was closest, and closed the door behind her. She would have thrown herself on the bed, but the days when she could do so were over since a long time. Instead she got on the bed more carefully and covered herself up with a blanket. Tears were falling down her cheeks. At the moment she hated Joey, it seemed as if everyone who she had counted on for support during her life were unable to give it to her now. She didn't want to face this reality any longer, she just wanted to turn back time a couple of decades. She closed her eyes and fell asleep, going back in time through her dreams.

"Hey…" Chandler said and placed a kiss on the top of Monica's head. "Feeling any better today sweetie?"
"No" Monica muttered, in a bad mood. "In fact, I'm feeling a lot worse."
"Wow, that sucks" Chandler said and sat down opposite her. "What a shame you have to feel bad on our anniversary."
"Yeah it sucks" Monica said.
"You know, why don't we just take it easy tonight?" Chandler suggested. "A long, hot bubble bath, I can give you a massage afterwards… Or we could dry each other off after the bath, and see what that leads to…"
"No thank you, I feel anything but romantic" Monica said.
"Are you sure you're not getting ill?" Chandler asked, worried.
"Unfortunately, yeah."
"Did I do something?"
"Unfortunately, yeah."
"So you're mad at me" Chandler concluded. "Well what did I do, tell me and I'll fix it. I'll make it up to you."
"That might be a bit tricky" Monica said grumpily.
"Okay, you're going to have to help me out here…" Chandler said. "I don't quite follow."
"I don't want to talk about it right now Chandler."
"Okay… Well whatever it is I hope it won't ruin our anniversary. And just so you know, whatever it is, I'm sorry."
"I think the ship has sailed on 'I'm sorry'" Monica said, even more grumpily. "'Sorry' works at times like when you decided to have refried beans at eleven p.m. and kept me up all night. This is one of those sorry-doesn't-help things!" Then she sighed and hid her face in her hands. "Sorry Chandler… I'm sorry. God, what is wrong with me, why am I taking this out on you?"
"And more importantly, what is 'this'?" Chandler said.
"This… You'll find out. But really, sorry."
"I think the ship has sailed on 'I'm sorry'" Chandler said jokingly. "'Sorry' works at times like when you were expecting Bridget and you were four months pregnant, and you woke me up in the middle of the night having a panic attack over that we didn't have any baby stuff at home."
His smile faded when he noticed that she hadn't found the joke very funny. He frowned and started to seriously wonder what was wrong.

That evening they sat down for a quiet dinner, and Chandler started to feel grumpy. It had been one of the most eventful years of their lives and he was tired. And Monica seemed to most of all just want to crawl into bed and go to sleep and not wake up until the next day. She didn't seem the least bit interested in celebrating their anniversary. Chandler knew she wasn't feeling well, but he had hoped she would set aside that and at least try to enjoy the evening. If not else, for his sake.
"I didn't get you anything" Monica said halfway through dinner.
"Huh?" Chandler said, looking up from his meal. It was the first thing either of them had said since they sat down to eat.
"I said I didn't get you anything" Monica said. "No gift. Not that I didn't plan on giving you one, but I haven't been out much this week…"
Chandler nodded, hiding his disappointment.
"Well I got you something" he said. "A charm for your bracelet and another gift."
"You're sweet" Monica said.
Chandler nodded. This was so far the worst anniversary they'd ever had, even worse than their third one, which he found ironical considering what he had gotten her. They finished dinner in silence, and Monica then cleared the table. Chandler went into the bedroom and got her present. They sat back down again and Chandler reached for her right arm. She held it out and he attached the ninth charm to the bracelet.
"It's supposed to be a towel" he said. "Happy linen anniversary."
"You too. Thank you."
He pushed the present across the table, and she opened it. She reached into the carton and lifted up a ceramic mug with Anthony's name on it. She looked at it for a second and then sighed.
"What?" Chandler said.
"They're nice" she said. "They really are. Thank you honey."
She got up and lifted the mug with Francesca's name on it as well, and started walking towards the dining room.
"Wait, hold it!" Chandler said.
She turned and looked at him.
"Come back here a second."
She obediently walked back to the table and sat down.
"Now what is wrong?" Chandler asked. "You didn't like them, did you? They're just like Emma and Bridget's mugs, I'm sorry but I thought you'd love them."
"No, honey, I do…"
"Yeah right."
"Chandler honestly, I love them…" She paused. "It's just that… I can't help thinking you should have waited a year."
"Excuse me?" Chandler said. "I'm confused, why should I have waited a year? Because next year is ten years?"
"Because next year you'll have to buy another mug anyway."
Chandler looked at her, even more confused. Then he slowly understood.
"Wait, wait a second… Another mug? Another mug with a baby name? Another baby who should have a mug with their name?"
"I don't know for sure, but I think I'm due in the middle of January."
"Oh god…" Chandler said. "Don't tell me you're pregnant."
"Well I am" Monica said. "Damn it, we should have known better!"
"Known better? Didn't the doctor say you couldn't have any more children?"
"He said that I most likely couldn't… Especially since I'm almost forty-one…I'll be forty-one once the baby's born."
"Should I laugh or should I cry…" Chandler sighed. "I mean, sure, I'll welcome this child but I didn't want more than four…"
"Me neither" Monica said.
"Have you spoken to a doctor, do you know how far along you are?"
"No, I haven't spoken to anyone" Monica said. "But I'm pretty sure it happened that time in the Jacuzzi."
"How come you think that?"
"We didn't use any protection. We didn't think we had to. But if you think about it, I've been using a diaphragm since Francesca, that night I didn't use it, that's the only occasion. It must have been then."
"Made in LA" Chandler mumbled.
"After this whole thing, I'm gonna have my tubes tied" Monica said with a sigh. "And get myself earplugs so I won't have to listen to my Mother's rants about how I'll be almost sixty before all my children are in college, and how Mom already had a daughter-in-law by that time."
"Well, when this kid is eighteen, Bridget will be like twenty-seven…"
Monica made an annoyed grunt. Then she looked up at him.
"Well, you know, what's done is done…" she said. "So we'll have five children instead of four, big deal. Either way there's nothing we can do about it now, so let's just set it aside for a while and celebrate our anniversary."
"Yeah" Chandler agreed.

"Wow, nice flowers" Phoebe commented, walking into Chandler and Monica's living room two months later.
"What?" Monica said, looking up from a book she was reading. "Yeah, they're from Chandler."
"How come you landed the one who doesn't think flowers are only for first dates and special occasions?" Phoebe sighed, and sat down next to Monica. "So how's the mother-to-be?"
"She is trying to feel the maternal bond she'll have in six months anyway" Monica said, and then nodded to the flowers. "And those are 4th of July flowers."
"Right, that would explain why they're red, white and blue."
"Yeah" Monica said.
"So seriously, you don't seem to psyched about becoming a Mommy again" Phoebe said. "Why so pessimistic?"
"Phoebe, first of all, Francesca isn't even talking yet, I feel like it's way too close to her birth. And second of all, I had my sights set on teaching this fall, finally getting a job again. But who the hell hires a pregnant woman?"
"Well, Lamaze-class instruction video people do" Phoebe said.
"Oh good, that's something I could do for a living" Monica angrily muttered. "I'm pregnant all the time anyway."
"Hey, it's better to have more than you'd planned than to have none at all" Phoebe said.
Monica nodded. She couldn't help thinking of Rachel, who didn't even have one child. She was the only one in the group without any children now. Monica and Chandler had theirs, Ross had Ben, Joey had a little boy named Jesse and Phoebe had a two-year-old daughter named Lisa.
"You know I wouldn't trade them in for anything…" she said.
"Yeah, but something is still bothering you, something more than what you've already mentioned."
Monica hesitated for a while.
"Can I tell you something?" she then said.
"Well that's kinda' what I'm after here."
"I don't know how in the world I'm going to be able to handle it" Monica said.
"Handle what?"
"Five children! I mean, God, just having two put strains on our marriage, three was difficult enough and with four I've had my hands full and I've been so worn out and exhausted… And now all of a sudden five. I feel like I'm going to end up neglecting at least two of them, most likely Bridget and Emma who are the oldest… Or I'm going to have a crazy fit and just lose control... Either way, I don't think I can be a mother of five."
"Oh relax Monica…" Phoebe said. "You'll do fine. You have Chandler to help you, and Bridget is old enough to help you out with chores and stuff… And you could always hire a nanny."
"No, I don't want to do that" Monica said. "I don't want to leave it up to some stranger to raise them."
"Well then hire Rachel, she's could use something to take her mind off Boris, and taking care of five children is just the thing."
Monica shook her head. Phoebe didn't know about the whole sperm donor thing, and Monica didn't feel like it was a good time to go in on that.
"No…" she said. "I'm going to do this without hired help… But I think I'm going to end up ageing in advance over this whole thing…"
"Just be glad you're not Amish, Monana" Phoebe said.

"Okay, I admit…" Monica said with a smile. "Ultrasound is still as exciting even though I wasn't planning on a fifth pregnancy."
"You know, this will give us something new to put on the refrigerator" Chandler said. "Oh, and speaking of stuff like that, when we get home it's photo time."
Monica smiled and nodded. They were just waiting for the OB/GYN to come, so they could start the ultrasound. Monica was on the bed in a hospital gown, with her stomach bare.
"You know" Chandler said, putting his hand on her stomach. "You are now in your fourth month--"
"Third" Monica corrected.
"Third?" Chandler quickly calculated on his fingers. "Yeah, third, you're right. Okay, so you are now in your third month, yet you're showing, and more than you did in your fifth month with Francesca."
"But about as much as I did in my third month with the others" Monica said.
"Technicality."
The OB/GYN came in and started preparing the gear.
"Ultrasound, ultrasound, time for ultrasound…" Chandler sang, in the tune of 'Jingle Bells'.
"Chandler, first of all, it's not Christmas. And second of all, you're starting to act like you did when I was expecting Bridget and I really don't need any reminders right now of what it was like to not have children at all."
Chandler chuckled.
"Speaking of back then, do you remember what it was like the first time you were pregnant and we heard the baby's heartbeat?"
"Yeah" Monica said with a smile. "It's amazing every time, but that very first time was something special…"
"I started thinking about it three weeks ago, when we got to hear this baby's heartbeat" Chandler said. "It's been nine years since the first time we heard it, almost a decade."
"And it will be almost a decade between Bridget and this baby" Monica said.
She was about to say something else, but decided not to since the OB/GYN had started to search for the baby's heartbeat before she did the ultrasound. Monica smiled slightly when she heard it. Then the OB/GYN began the ultrasound.
"You know, it's our fifth baby and I still can't tell what is what on the early ultrasounds" Chandler said when the picture came up on the screen.
"Well, that's the baby's head" the OB/GYN said and pointed. "And that…" she trailed off.
"What?" Monica asked, nervously. "What, what's wrong?"
"There's something wrong?" Chandler asked.
"Well…" the OB/GYN said.
"Just tell us, is there something wrong with the baby?" Monica asked, getting worked up.
"No…" the doctor said. "It's just that there are two of them."
"There are what?" Monica asked.
"I see two heads."
"Well then look again!" Monica commanded. "Look more carefully. How can there be two, you only found one heartbeat!"
The OB/GYN grabbed the instrument she used to detect the heartbeats and found one. She moved the instrument a bit and suddenly had two.
"Twins?" Chandler said in disbelief.
"This is uncommon for a woman your age" the doctor said. "But of course it happens."
"Well take a real close look now then, are there like three, four, five of them in there?" Monica said. "I don't want more now! I don't even want to have two!"
"Well that's a shame Monica" the doctor said. "Because there are two babies in there."

"Hi!" Joey greeted them excitedly when they got back. He had been baby-sitting while they were at their doctors appointment.
"Hey" Monica and Chandler muttered, both shocked over the news they had gotten.
"Wow, what's wrong?" Joey asked. "Was there some problem?"
"Well, as it turns out, I was not quite as infertile as they thought I was" Monica said and hung her jacket up. "Not only did I get pregnant after one time without protection, I'm also having twins!"
"Twins!" Joey said. "Congratulations! That's awesome!"
"I would have thought so five years ago" Monica said, walking into the kitchen with Joey and Chandler in tail. "But Joey I'm forty years old, I turn forty-one in October. Having two more children, I don't know if I can handle that."
"Chandler what do you think?" Joey asked.
"Well, it might be because I'm not the one who has to do the pregnancy and labour, plus putting my career on hold yet again, but I think it's quite cool."
"Quite cool?" Monica echoed.
"Yeah" Chandler said. "But I understand that you don't feel the same way, at least not yet, since you have to do a whole lot more work than me."
"Well get this Chandler Bing" Monica said grumpily. "When the twins are born, you're taking time off work. I'm not going to be the only parent home with two infants. You're going to have to help out."
"Sure thing!" Chandler said, sounding even more excited.
"Am I being stupidly pessimistic?" Monica asked. "Or is it you who's stupidly optimistic?"
"Maybe both" Chandler suggested with a smile.

Two weeks later Monica was out shopping baby things. With Francesca they had used almost the exact same things as with Bridget, only the pacifiers and the feeding bottles had been new. But this time around they were having two, so they needed doublets of everything plus a twin pram. Monica took Francesca with her while Chandler was working and the other children were at friends' houses to go and at least look at things. They had decided to let the twins have Emma's room, since Emma and Bridget had shared a room before and could do it again. The girls were quite upset with the decision, but Monica had told them that it would be another six months at least before Emma would have to move and Chandler had filled in that the twins would have to share a room, so Emma and Bridget wouldn't be the only ones. Then he added the usual story of how much fun sisters had when they shared a room, and the girls seemed content with that.
Monica couldn't grasp that they were having twins. When she was younger she had always wanted to have twins, partly because it meant two children but only one pregnancy and partly because twins were unusual. But now she felt a bit too old to have twins on top of four other children. She had a strong feeling she would age a lot faster than she had to, and the thought that she would always have six children to worry about made her head spin.
She looked around for about an hour, but couldn't find anything she liked except for some baby clothes. She decided to wait until Chandler was with her, and to go have something to eat. She was craving for soft ice-cream and Francesca was getting cranky so she decided to go have some at the nearest café. She knew how much all of her children loved soft ice-cream.
She found a place that sold it, and got two ice-creams and got chocolate sauce and mint sprinkles on her own. She got Francesca's plain, since she knew the child would get messy enough that way.
She sat down with Francesca and ate her own ice-cream while helping Francesca's with hers. She started to think that maybe getting ice-cream wasn't such a great idea after all. She had temporarily forgotten how easy she got nauseous if she ate something sweet without eating something more food like first.
"Monica?" she heard Richard Burke's voice say.
She looked up. It was indeed Richard, even though she wasn't sure at first. He had aged since the last time she saw him, which was nearly ten years ago. She wondered how he had recognized her.
"Hi Richard…" she said, not knowing what else to say and not knowing whether or not to be thankful that her baggy shirt hid her bump.
"Wow, I…" Richard began. "I should have known you'd had children, but I must say it surprises me anyway… I wasn't expecting to run into you with a child. Or maybe the child isn't yours."
She frowned at the slight sound of hope in his voice when he said the last part. But then she wrote it off as her imagination.
"No she's mine" she said. "And she's about two months away from her first birthday. Her name is Francesca."
"Long name" Richard said with a smile.
"No more syllables than Monica" Monica responded. "So… What's up?"
"Oh nothing much… Barbara died last year."
"I know, my Mother told me" Monica said. "Cancer, right?"
"Yeah" Richard said.
"That's so sad" Monica said. "I keep worrying that Chandler will turn out to have lung cancer. He was a quite frequent smoker once."
"Right, you're still with Chandler…" Richard said.
Monica gave him a funny look.
"Yes. I'm still with him" she said. "And I may be out of line, but if you have any ideas about coming back into my life and causing problems, I'm telling you not to."
"Don't worry" Richard said. "I wouldn't want to break up a family."
Monica noticed that he didn't agree that she might have been out of line, and that what he said didn't seem to honest. But again she dismissed it as her imagination.

Three nights later Monica and Chandler were in bed at night, and Monica realized she had been reading the same page of her book for about fifteen minutes. She had her mind elsewhere. She but the book down and turned the lights off, lying down to sleep. Chandler grunted next to her and settled himself next to her, placing a hand on her pregnant belly.
"Could you imagine what it was like just around a century ago?" he asked. "People probably didn't find out they were having twins until the first baby was already born. What a shocker."
"And medical care wasn't as good back then…" Monica added thoughtfully. "Usually one of the twins died."
"Yeah, that would suck" Chandler said. "My dad was suppose to be a twin. But his sister died after three weeks."
"Really? I never knew that."
"My Grandmother always explained my Father's sexual preferences and cross dressing with that he was subconsciously trying to live for his sister too."
"I don't think your Father being gay or a transvestite had anything to do with him having a dead sister" Monica said.
"This is going to work out fine Monica" Chandler said. "You've been worrying a lot, I know, and especially these past couple of days."
"How do you know it's the twins that has been bugging me?" Monica asked.
"Isn't it obvious that it is?" Chandler asked. "And besides, I don't know what else it would be."
"Well it's not the twins" Monica said. "I ran--"
"Mommy!" Emma said from the doorway.
Chandler and Monica both sat up again.
"What's wrong sweetie?" Monica asked.
"There's a ghost in my closet!" Emma insisted. "Daddy I can't sleep with the ghost in my closet!"
"Okay then" Chandler said and got out of bed. "You come show me this ghost and then we'll give Ghostbusters a call."
He took her hand and followed her to her room. Monica took the short time alone to think about whether or not she should tell Chandler she had ran into Richard. She thought she should tell him because nothing at all had happened. But at the same time it felt unnecessary to tell him when nothing had happened, especially since she knew how insecure Richard made him. She finally decided that if he brought up the subject again she would tell him why she had seemed troubled the past days. And if he didn't she would just let it go for now.
Chandler returned after ten minutes and snuck back into bed.
"I bet Ray Parker Jr didn't think his song would come in handy for parents of small children when he wrote it" he said.
"Who's Ray Parker Jr?" Monica asked.
"My dear wife, you know nothing about music" Chandler said. "He wrote 'Ghostbusters'. And that one always does the trick when our children have ghosts in their closets. So what were you about to say when we got interrupted?"
"Well.." Monica said. "When I was out looking for baby stuff I ran into Richard."
"New York is such a big place yet you always seem to manage to run into that man" Chandler said with a sigh.
"Well I'm really glad I did run into him."
Chandler raised an eyebrow.
"I bet you were."
"Francesca and I were having ice-cream" Monica said. "And he spotted us and came over and talked. And after a while I invited him to sit with us. And I'm glad I did that too."
"Okay…" Chandler said. "I want shared custody of the kids."
"Chandler" Monica whined. "Can I please tell you this without any comments like that? Thank you… Okay, when he sat down I asked him some questions. Sort of hidden ones actually. I wanted to know if he was still interested in me, or if he was over me."
"He's probably over you" Chandler said. "It's been more than fifteen years since you were together. And you've moved on and chosen someone else above him."
"Well you're wrong" Monica said. "He still loves me. He actually ended up saying it straight out… And then I had to listen to a long monologue about how he just can't get me out of his head."
"So why are you glad you talked to him?" Chandler asked. "Wanted to hear someone else besides your husband finds you attractive? Because I fully understand that."
"Actually no" Monica said. "I've gotten past the stage where I want every guy I meet to find me attractive. I don't need anyone else than you to feel that way. The reason I'm happy he sat down with me and told me he still loves me, is that I feel like I got the chance to get him out of our lives forever. At least as a threat to you and me. I told him exactly how much I love you and how devoted I am to you, and how I haven't regretted marrying you for a minute. Not even during our bad times. And that I couldn't possibly be any happier. And I actually said to him that if he came back and made you feel hurt and insecure, I would get so mad that he wouldn't want to see me ever again. Basically, I gave him the whole 'whoever tries to break Chandler's heart will be in trouble' speech."
"Richard wouldn't break my heart" Chandler pointed out.
"No I know…" Monica said. "But if he ruined things between us your heart would be broken…"
"True" Chandler said. "Do you think he got the message though?"
"Yeah" Monica said. "I was pretty clear. You know, this time I saw him the only thing I felt for him was pity. Look what's become of the man. Apparently pining after a 21 years younger woman who's the daughter of his best friend, and married!"
"With children" Chandler added. "You know, I don't dislike Richard as much as I used to. After all, he never did anything to be mean to me, he did what he did for other reasons. And if I had been him, I would probably have tried the same thing."
"I'm glad to hear he's not an issue for you anymore" Monica said.
"I haven't given the guy a thought in like seven years" Chandler said.
"Good" Monica said and kissed him. "Oh, and before I forget… That large playhouse you got for the kids arrives next week. They called today."
"Okay" Chandler said. "Great, I'm gonna give Ross and Joey a call and hear if they can come by and help me build the damn thing. Joey should be lots of help, he used to build stuff."
"Yeah, like your entertainment unit" Monica reminded him. "Chandler Joey's not even home next week. He and Clara are in Italy until mid September, remember?"
"September and remember rhymed" Chandler said. "And damn it, I had completely forgotten about that…"
"You really need to start paying more attention to Ross and Joey" Monica said. "You're becoming more and more secluded from everyone outside our family."
"Untrue" Chandler said. "Steve from across the street and I get along great."
"So why don't you ask Steve to help you put together the playhouse?" Monica asked.
"Because Steve only has one hand" Chandler said.
"I could ask my Father to help you" Monica suggested. "He'd probably be more than happy to do that for his grandkids."
"In that case I think it's better if I called him myself" Chandler said. "But you're right, Jack would probably be willing to help…"
"Okay good" Monica said and kissed him. "Just make sure to tell him that Mom doesn't have to come too."

Chandler finished his quick lunch and told Emma to put her plate in the sink. Monica was out with Bridget and Anthony, and Chandler was alone with the other two children. He was waiting for Jack to come over and continue helping him with the playhouse they had started to put together the day before. They were about half done, the walls were all up. Today they were going to finish with the floor, do the roof and then paint the whole thing. And then later he and Monica would bring the furnish in. They had decided not to make it just a playhouse since it was quite big. Instead they'd decided to put a couple of beds in there and use it for storage of patio furniture during winter. During summer the kids could use it as much as they wanted to.
"When's Grandpa coming?" Emma asked.
"Soon" Chandler said.
"I'm gonna go upstairs and play."
"Yeah, you do that."
"When can I play in the playhouse?"
"I'm not sure sweetie. Not before tomorrow."
Emma made a disappointed face and went upstairs to the living room, where she was holding a tea party for hers and Bridget's Barbie dolls. Chandler quickly did the dishes and then heard a knock on the door. He let Jack in and noticed that he wasn't alone.
"Hi Richard" he said.
"Chandler" Richard said with a nod.
Chandler tried his best not to stare at him, and decided to glare at Jack instead. He had told Monica the truth when he said that Richard didn't bother him anymore, but he still didn't want Richard in the house for no apparent reason.
"Can I use your bathroom?" Richard asked.
"Sure" Chandler said and told him where to find it. "So Dad, what's with this lovely surprise?" he said to Jack once Richard was out of earshot.
"I figured we could use an extra hand" Jack said. "Ross wasn't home when I called him, so I asked Richard."
"Not that I have anything against the man really, but bringing my wife's ex here might not be the best idea. Not when hammers, nails and my children are in the house."
"Relax" Jack said. "I know this wasn't the best idea, but I promise you, he'll behave."
Chandler nodded and bit his lower lip. He couldn't just throw Richard out, and it would be great to have an extra hand with the building. He decided to let Richard stay and help out, he realized that if he did he would give Richard the impression that he wasn't intimidated by him. Which was true.
He walked through the house to the backside, stopping in the nursery to check on the sleeping Francesca. She seemed to be doing just fine, so he walked outside. The weather was great, which was fortunate since the playhouse didn't have a roof yet and they could do without lots of rainwater inside of it.
Jack and Richard soon came out as well, and the three men quietly continued putting the playhouse together. After a while Chandler glanced at his wristwatch.
"I'd better go see if Francesca's up" he said. "She rarely sleeps longer than two hours when she naps."
Richard looked up, remembering the small child Monica had had with her when he'd seen her two weeks ago. He knew that child had been the one named Francesca. The name of Monica's daughter with Chandler had somehow been impossible for him to forget.
"I remember that Ross used to take long naps" Jack said. "But Monica was impossible to get to nap. She never slept during the day."
Chandler smiled slightly and went inside. Jack turned to Richard to continue talking about when Ross and Monica had been little, even though he knew Richard had been there, but got interrupted.
"Grandpa!" Emma yelled, coming running out in the backyard. She ran over to Jack and he lifted her up for a hug.
"Hi princess" Jack said and hugged her. "Be careful running around here, though. There might be nails and things like that on the ground. And you don't want to get a splinter, do you?"
"No" Emma said.
Jack let her down and she started running around in the garden, keeping a safe distance to where there could be nails and things like that. Richard stared at the child.
"God she looks just like him…" he said.
"Yeah" Jack agreed. "She really does. But she acts more like Monica. She's a very active child. Which gets her into trouble every once in a while."
"How much trouble can a child her age get in?" Richard asked. "She can't be more than six or seven."
"She's six" Jack said. "And you should have been there this April…"
Before Richard could ask what had happened in April, Chandler came back out with a slightly cranky Francesca. She had apparently just woken up. Chandler set her down on the grass and she started crawling around.
"Do you really dare to let her down on the grass?" Jack asked. "She could hurt herself if she gets too close to where we're building."
"Nah, I'm not worried" Chandler said.
"I'll watch her so that she doesn't get too close" Emma declared.
"Yeah, you do that" Chandler said and ran his hand through her hair. "When did you get out here, I thought you were upstairs having a tea party."
"I was" Emma said. "But then one of the dolls spilled her tea and then the fun was over."
Chandler laughed.
"Mommy taught you well, Ems."
"Monica was exactly like that when she was little" Jack said.
"Oh good, just what I need" Chandler said with a grin. "Another neat freak." He turned to Emma. "Why can't you use your neat freakiness to clean up your room, huh?"
"Mommy does that for me" Emma said.
Chandler shook his head and chuckled. He walked over to the other two men and started working on the roof while Jack and Richard finished off with the floor. Chandler glanced over at the children constantly, to make sure Francesca didn't crawl where she shouldn't. Once she got a bit more awake, the child stood up and started walking around. She had taken her first step a month earlier and now she toddled around as fast as she could.
Emma soon tired of keeping tabs on her active little sister and went over to Chandler, careful not to step on anything that might hurt her feet. She wasn't wearing any shoes or socks.
"Daddy can I help?" she asked.
"Yeah, you know what you can do?" Chandler said. "You can help me hold the latter for me so I don't fall over."
Emma grabbed the latter, eager to help, and held it as steady as she could. It didn't do much difference for Chandler, but he hadn't thought it would either. It was just an easy job she could do that wouldn't involve her possibly getting hurt. It didn't take him and Richard long to put up the beams that would make the roof, and once they were done Chandler carefully climbed down the latter.
"Thank you honey" he said to Emma. "You were very helpful." He shot a glance at Francesca, who was heading towards them, going quite fast with her toddling steps. "I'd better go stop your sister from hurting herself" he said. He took a few steps towards Francesca, but before he reached her she fell over and landed on her stomach. "Yeah, those legs aren't working exactly as you want them to yet, are they?" he said to her and lifted her up. "Yeah but you're okay. No crying, no whining. Just get back in the saddle again young lady."
He walked twenty feet away and put her down. Luckily enough they had a big backyard and she could crawl and walk around for a while without getting bored or try to come over to the adults. He went back to the playhouse and found something for Emma to do. She got to hand him tiles for the roof when he was up on the latter. Jack and Richard started chatting while they continued to work, but Chandler hardly said a word. When he talked he was mostly answering questions from Emma. He glanced over at Francesca once a minute to make sure she was okay.
After a while they heard the door to the house open and Monica came out with Anthony in her arms and Bridget in tow. Richard was inside the playhouse at the moment, lifting up tiles for Jack, so she didn't see him. He could barely see her either, but when he did he felt a familiar sting in his heart. She had her hair down, unlike the last time he had seen her, and it reached a few centimeters below her shoulders. She was wearing a loose blue summer dress over a white T-shirt and he thought she looked wonderful.
Chandler climbed down from the latter and walked over to her. They kissed and Chandler lifted the boy over to his own arms. Richard couldn't hear exactly what they were saying since they were talking rather low, but at the moment that wasn't what his mind was concerned over.
"She's a mother of four?" he asked Jack, shocked by the news.
"Six actually" Jack said proudly.
"Yikes… Six children…" Richard said.
Chandler put Anthony down and let him go kick a football with Bridget. He got a little closer to Monica and lowered his voice.
"Your uhm… Your dad brought someone to help out with the playhouse. He… brought Richard Burke."
Monica stared at Chandler for a second and then put her poker face on.
"Richard Burke is here?" she asked in a low voice. "Define here."
"Currently inside the playhouse, handing over tiles to your Father. Look, Jack just had him with him when he showed up…"
"Oh God Chandler, please tell me you've been civil…" Monica said.
"Of course" Chandler said, slightly offended. "What do you think of me really?"
"Sorry…" Monica said.
"So how do you feel?" Chandler said, changing the subject. "Queasy?"
"No, actually I'm feeling fine" Monica said with a smile. "Here, give me your hand. A little reward for being civil with Richard…"
She took his hand and placed it on her stomach. He could feel the bump through her dress that covered it, and then felt something else.
"First trimester movement" he said with a smile.
"Two of them" Monica said, smiling back at him.
Richard watched as Chandler put his hand on Monica's stomach and how they then said something to each other, smiled and kissed. Jack followed his look and guessed what he was thinking.
"She's due January" he said. "I don't think anything's official yet, but it wouldn't take you long to guess her condition."
Richard nodded. He swallowed and walked out of the playhouse. Monica saw him and walked over to him.
"Hey Richard" she said.
"Monica" he said with a nod. "I always assumed you'd have many children but I have to admit I'm surprised you have this many."
"Yeah. My little angels" Monica said, beaming with motherly pride.
"They were all accidents" Chandler said with feigned seriousness, coming over to them. "Which makes perfect examples when we warn them about the possible consequences of unprotected sex later on."
Monica just shook her head and sighed. But it was pretty obvious from the smile that then came across her face that she seemed to like Chandler's odd jokes. Richard realized that he hated that.
"Okay, I'm gonna go inside with the kids" Monica said. "It will be easier for you to work if they're out of your hair."
"Can't I stay out here with Daddy?" Emma asked.
"If you promise not to do anything stupid, like play with the hammers" Chandler said and lifted her up.
"I won't" Emma promised. "Mommy I'm helping Daddy."
"Lucky daddy to have a helper like you" Monica said and kissed her on the forehead. "Guys, are you staying for dinner?"
"We'll see" Jack said. "Depends on how much progress we make with this thing."
"Well let me know, okay?" Monica said.
She walked over to Francesca and took her hand and then called for the other children to follow her inside. She walked slowly with Francesca toddling next to her as Bridget and Anthony raced inside.
"Now I understand why you've gotten a playhouse" Richard said.
"Mainly for the girls, actually" Chandler said. "Emma and Bridget can hang out here when one of them needs a break from the other."
"I'm Emma" Emma informed Richard.
"Nice to meet you" Richard said.
"Are you a friend of grandpa's?" Emma asked.
"Yes I am" Richard said.
"And an old friend of Mommy's too" Chandler filled in.
"Mommy has lots of friends" Emma said, apparently not impressed that Richard had been friends with Monica.
"And what about me, huh?" Chandler asked her and made a funny face at her.
"You have me" Emma said.
"So I don't need friends then" Chandler assumed and chuckled. He climbed back up on the latter. "Yeah, you're my little helper all right."
Emma looked very proud and Jack smiled slightly at the scene. Richard didn't smile though. He decided not to stay for dinner, even if they weren't finished with the playhouse. He had decided to come along because he had been curious over how Monica lived with Chandler, and if they really were happy together. And now he had gotten his questions answered and he had to admit to himself that it wasn't the answers he had wanted. She was obviously happy and she had five children and a sixth one on the way, and the four ones he had seen seemed really happy too. The children seemed to adore their Father, especially the girl that looked so much like him. He wondered where the fifth one was but then figured that that child was probably asleep or off at a friend's house.
He knew he had wanted Monica to be happy, but he had wanted her to be happy with him. He had always had his doubts that Chandler was the right man for her, even if Chandler had convinced him that he truly loved her the time he showed up to fight for her and for their relationship. But when he had told Chandler to go get her, he had deep down not expected it to last between them. Monica's visit at his apartment had convinced him that she deep down didn't want Chandler, that he wasn't mature enough for her. He had never heard anything about how she was doing since then, not even from Jack and Judy, so he had more or less expected her to be divorced. But instead she was happy with Chandler and pregnant with another child. He didn't know she was having twins, if he had he would probably had felt worse.
He suddenly realized that he had been wrong all this time. Chandler was the better man for her. He had given her six children and he would be there for them during the next thirty years or so, and judging by the affection the children showed him and he showed them he was a good father. If Richard had been with Monica they wouldn't have had more than one or two children and he would probably die when the children were in their twenties. It wasn't a very encouraging thought. Monica was happy with her life. It was time for him to move on.

"Now I know the true meaning of Indian summer" Monica said with a sigh while she put her hair up in a ponytail.
"Native American summer" Chandler jokingly corrected.
"I just can't believe that we're having close to 85 degrees in October. Don't we usually have snow in October?"
"It's the greenhouse effect" Chandler said.
"Well it sucks" Monica said. "I'm telling you, being pregnant during summer is not very fun. I would have appreciated it if we could have gotten fall by now at least."
Chandler just smiled and shrugged his shoulder. He wasn't offering her much sympathy, mainly because he knew she wasn't seriously complaining. He picked up the bucket of paint and grabbed a pair of old gloves.
"Should I wait for you, or go right ahead?" he asked.
"Go right ahead" Monica said. "I'll be with you shortly."
Chandler walked out to their backyard while whistling 'Baby Elephant Walk'. He was carrying two buckets of paint and a pair of brushes. They were finally going to paint the playhouse, peach colored to match the house. They had planned on painting it directly after they'd finished it two months earlier but they had noticed that they hadn't gotten enough paint to be able to finish the entire playhouse. After that they hadn't had time to paint it, but this weekend they'd had no plans. Chandler had gotten enough paint to cover the playhouse and they had managed to get three out of four children out of the house. Emma and Anthony were at friends' houses and Francesca was at Phoebe's. Phoebe had recently broken up with her boyfriend and gone back to David, the scientist who had left her and gone to Belarus. David was the father of Phoebe's daughter Lisa, she had gotten pregnant the last time David had been back in New York. She hadn't been able to get a hold of him to tell him the news, but when he had returned just in time for Francesca's first birthday he had seen Phoebe with Lisa and known Lisa was his daughter. They looked quite alike.
"Monica are you sure about this?" Chandler asked worriedly when she came out of the house.
"Of course I am!" Monica replied.
Chandler eyed her skeptically. She was five months pregnant, but with the twins she looked more like seven months. She waddled like a duck when she walked, and had huge problems getting up once she had sat down. At the moment she had her hair up in a ponytail and a long-sleeved white shirt on under overall pants. She said it was the most comfortable clothes, but to Chandler it didn't look too comfortable. Although it looked very pregnant-lady.
"Monica are you really sure?" Chandler asked again when she reached him. "I mean, should you be painting stuff in your condition."
"What does my condition have to do with anything all of a sudden?" Monica asked, looking confused.
"Do you really think the smell of the paint is good for you?"
Monica sighed deeply.
"Unless I drink the paint it won't hurt the babies" she said.
"Fine then…" Chandler said reluctantly.
He placed the paint buckets on one of two patio chairs he had put out. The other one was for Monica, in case she wanted to sit. She didn't even cast a glance at that chair, instead she grabbed a pencil and went to work. Chandler followed her lead and they started painting while juggling baby names between each other.
"How about we go original?" Monica suggested jokingly. "Nebukadnesar and Rompenstiltskin."
"Diana and Artemis" Chandler suggested back.
"We can't name them both the same thing" Monica pointed out with a laugh.
"I didn't suggest that either."
"Well both names mean the same."
"So that means we can't name them Hanna and Grace, I assume" Chandler said.
They continued to jokingly bicker about what to name the twins for about an hour, and then Bridget interrupted them.
"Mommy!" she yelled from the back door.
"What is it, sweetheart?" Monica yelled back.
"There's a man here with a moustache who says he helped build the playhouse!"
"What does he want?" Chandler asked with a frown.
Bridget turned and ran back to the front door where Richard was standing.
"What do you want?" she asked him.
"I've lost my pipe, and by now I'm almost certain I lost it here while helping your Dad out with the playhouse" Richard said.
Bridget gave him a suspicious look, but ran off to the back door and told her parents what Richard had just told her. Chandler and Monica shared a very confused look.
"Pipe?" Chandler said.
"Richard doesn't smoke a pipe!" Monica said. "Does he?"
"I don't know. You're the one who slept with him."
Monica called to Bridget that she could let him come in. She had no idea what this was about, but she intended to find out. Richard came out into the backyard after a minute, and Monica thought once again about how old he looked. His moustache was white and his head was almost bald. He was sixty-four years old by now, but he looked more like sixty-eight. Unlike Monica's Father, who looked relatively young, Richard had aged quickly.
Richard in his turn stared at Monica. Her clothes were covered in paint stains and she had a little on her hands as well. Strings of hair had gotten loose from her ponytail and her cheeks were red. Her pregnant belly was huge in his eyes, he had remembered Jack telling him she was due in January and he hadn't expected her to be this big in October. Her hands and arms looked a bit swollen. But he still thought she was very beautiful.
"Bridget said you forgot a pipe" Monica said with a voice filled of disbelief.
"I think I might have dropped it here" Richard said.
"Last time I checked you smoked cigars" Chandler said.
"I did" Richard said. "But the prices skyrocketed when they put those huge taxes on cigars and cigarettes. So I switched to smoking a pipe. It's cheaper."
"Not as cheap as not smoking at all" Monica said.
"If you dropped it here, how come you've waited until now to come here and ask for it?" Chandler asked.
"I wasn't sure if I'd lost it here" Richard said. "I've been searching for it like a lunatic for the past two months, and this is the last place I'm looking at."
"Why not just buy a new one?" Monica asked.
"The one I had is quite valuable" Richard said. "My ancestors brought it over from Spain when they moved here."
Monica and Chandler shared a look but didn't say anything.
"I was thinking I might have dropped it inside the playhouse" Richard continued.
"Well go ahead and have a look" Chandler said.
"Thanks."
Richard went inside the playhouse and Monica and Chandler silently continued to paint. Chandler gave Monica an annoyed look that clearly stated what he was thinking. Monica knew he was angry and she knew why. And she knew what she wanted to do about it.
"I found it" Richard said ten minutes later, coming out of the playhouse. "Under one of the two beds you have there."
"I'll show you out" Monica said and took Richard by the arm. She led him inside and stopped right in front of the front door. "Richard listen to me" she said. "I do not want you to show up here again. I've told you once this year that I want you to stay away. So if you've forgotten anything else this time then have my Dad pick it up for you. I'm not saying this to be rude, I'm saying it because you and I should have nothing to do with each other anymore. I don't have feelings for you, not anymore. But you've told me that you still have feelings for me. Even if that was a lie, we shouldn't be around each other. I don't feel like we've got anything to say to each other. And even though I know Chandler doesn't think you could come between him and me it annoys him that you've shown up again. So do me a favour and let the past be the past. If you see me in the city, or out walking, or anything else like that then don't come up to me and say hi. Okay?"
"I understand" Richard said.
"Don't think that I never loved you. Because I did. But I got over you a long time ago. And it's time you got over me too, if you haven't already."
Richard nodded slightly and left. Monica watched him leave. Neither she nor Chandler would see him again for a long time. And they would never see him alive again.

Monica sat down heavily on the living room couch. It was Christmas Eve and she was suppose to help Chandler put out the presents. But she was far from in any mood for cute traditions at the moment. She felt like a balloon, she was very big and it made her feel unattractive and unable to move around. In her sixth month she had been as big as she had been in her ninth when she had expected the first three children. People had started joking with her that she was having three babies and not two. Monica didn't appreciate those jokes. Not that she didn't want both the babies, but the thought of what life would be like with two infants and four young children made her depressed. Chandler only seemed to be thrilled though. He had made a few jokes about how they were having two because some higher force knew they wouldn't have anymore children after this pregnancy, and wanted them to end with a bang. But he was getting tired of her grumpy mood. Her current state wasn't his fault any more than it was her own.
Monica grabbed one of the stockings that were lying next to her on the couch. It was Anthony's stocking, and she placed it on her lap, that barely existed, while she looked through the bags in a box next to her. She and Chandler usually bought things for the stockings and kept them in plastic bags in a box until Christmas Eve. That way if the children found the stockings they would find them empty. She found the bag with Anthony's name on it and started moving things from the bag to the stocking. When the stocking was full she placed it on the coffee table.
"Ow!" she suddenly said.
"What, what is it?" Chandler asked, looking up.
"Both babies kicked."
"Both? At the same time?"
"Uh-hu…" Monica said.
"Wow, that's unusual" Chandler said. "These two don't seem to have been kicking much at all, especially not both at the same time."
"Yeah I know… Are you finished with the presents?"
"Yeah."
"Then come hang Anthony's stocking."
Chandler grabbed the filled stocking and hung it up.
"Chandler?" Monica said. "What kind do you think we'll have? Boys, girls, one boy and one girl? Identical or not?"
"Well, I remember predicting that we'd have twin girls…" Chandler said. "But we already have three girls, so a pair of boys wouldn't be too bad."
"From what I understand, boy twins are ten times more unruly than girl twins" Monica said. "Hey do you have any twins in your family?"
"I'm not sure Mon, I hardly know my uncles and aunts, let alone my cousins and second cousins… We could have a couple of twins in the family without me knowing. Why do you ask?"
"Well apparently having identical twins comes from the father's side. And having unidentical ones comes from the mother's side."
"I can see the connection between the mother and the unidentical twins, but not between the father and the identical ones" Chandler said. "Anyway, we'll find out soon enough if I have twins in my family or not, won't we?"
"You will have twins in your family soon" Monica said with a sigh. "January isn't that far away…"

On New Years Eve Monica was home alone. Joey and Clara had invited them all over to their place for the evening and Monica knew that Chandler and the children really wanted to go. She didn't want to go herself though, she felt way too tired and way too big. She'd mostly just stayed in bed the past couple of weeks, only exception had been during Christmas when she had been up most of the time. Chandler had told her he would stay home with her if she decided not to go, but she had convinced him to go. She didn't mind spending the night alone and celebrating that 2010 turned into 2011 by herself. It was a nice break from her ordinary life.
Chandler had gotten her a TV for Christmas that they could have in their bedroom, and she was thankful for it now. She could stay in bed and still watch the ball drop or watch a movie if she felt like it. She absentmindedly stroke her belly and felt more convinced than ever that this would be the last time she was ever pregnant. She felt too old for it, even though she knew a lot of women were older than she was when they had children. She had turned forty-one in October.
One of the babies kicked and she wondered which one. She had often wondered if they were having boys or girls, or one of each. She knew she could just ask her doctor if she wanted to know, but she had always believed that you shouldn't know until the baby was born. At least with her own children, when it came to others' pregnancies she was always very interested to know what sex the baby had.
She reached over to her nightstand and grabbed a book that was lying there. Rachel had gotten her it for Christmas, it was a book of children's names that was about naming twins. It had more suggestions for names after well-known duos and twins than Monica even knew existed. She didn't think they would have much use of the book, she didn't want to name her children Castor and Pollux or Jessica and Elizabeth. She'd made a deal with Chandler that they would name a baby each and even though she knew she could easily make him think that they should name their twins something from the book she didn't feel like doing so.
For some reason though she still wrote down some suggestions that she liked on a pad that she kept by her bed. But she didn't find many suggestions, most of them had one more normal name and one name that she couldn't imagine naming her child. Like Diana and Apollo for one boy and one girl. Diana was good, but Apollo wasn't. And Fox and Dana wasn't very appealing either, and neither was Romulus and Remus.
After a process of narrowing down the different names she had one name combination for boy twins and one for girls, but she hadn't bothered to find a combination for a boy and a girl. She wasn't very serious about it either, it was mostly just something she did for fun since it got boring after a while to just read novels and watch soap operas.
"So which are you, huh?" she asked the babies. "Are you a pair of David and Henry, after David Livingstone and Sir Henry Morton Stanley? Or maybe a pair of Thelma and Louise?" She shook her head and chuckled. "I'd say you're neither."

"Chandler!" Joey called out, holding the phone. "It's for you. It's Monica."
Chandler came up to him and grabbed the phone. He was glad she had called, and he partly wished that she was calling because she wanted him to come home. He didn't like spending the night away from her, it would be the first time in more than a decade that they didn't spend New Years together.
"Hey Mon" he said.
"Hi" he heard her on the other line.
"How's everything going?" he asked.
"Chandler could you come home please?"
Chandler was slightly shocked by her request, he hadn't expected her to be that straightforward and especially not that soon.
"Sure… I'll come home… Is there something wrong?"
"I think we both forgot that women over forty tend to go into labour early, and so do women who are having twins" she said, and then hung up.
Chandler stared at the phone for over a minute before he slowly realized what she had meant.
"Aw crap!" he said. "Joey!"
"Yeah?" Joey said, showing up.
"I have to go home, Monica… Well I have to go home."
"Now?" Joey said whiny.
"Yeah" Chandler said. "Look, is it okay with you that I leave the children?"
"You're gonna leave them here?" Joey asked.
"If that's okay with you" Chandler said and put his jacket on. "Look, this thing happened with Monica and I need to take her to the hospital just to check it out." He wasn't really telling the truth but he wasn't really sure if Monica was actually in labour or not so he didn't want to say anything.
"Nothing serious I hope!"
"Yeah, I hope it's not too" Chandler said.

"Monica?" Chandler called out when he got home.
"I'm in the bedroom" she called back.
"Where else would she be" Chandler muttered to himself while kicking his shoes off.
He left his jacket on and walked through the kitchen to their bedroom. He stopped on the threshold and felt scared when he saw her.
"Monica…" he said. "There's… there's blood on the bed."
"Thanks for enlightening me" Monica hissed.
"Monica this can't be good!" Chandler said. "You're not due until late January, this is almost a month too soon!"
"Tell that to the twins" Monica said. "Look Chandler, I am definitely in labour okay? And I'm getting scared, so please help me and get me to the hospital!"
"Oh Christ…" Chandler said and hurried over to her. "Here, let me help you up."
He tried not to look at the bloody sheets when she got up. He knew she would lose blood anyway, but he had never seen her blood on their bed sheets before. He helped her get dressed and then walked her out to the car. It took them over ten minutes just to walk to the car, and Chandler was getting more nervous by the minute.
"How long 'til midnight?" Monica asked once she was in the car.
"Three hours, roughly" Chandler said with an eye on his wrist watch as he got behind the wheel.
"Do you think the babies will be born by then?" Monica asked.
"I don't know" Chandler said. "I just hope they're both born on the same side of midnight. I wouldn't want to have twins born on different days, let alone different years."
"Yeah, we'd have to decide on one birthday and birth year for them" Monica said.
"Then I say we go with January 1st 2011" Chandler said. "The earlier in the year a child is born, the better they do in school and in sports, from what I hear. Since then they've had longer time to develop…"
"Thank you, what a kind thing to say to someone who's born in the last quarter of the year" Monica said.

"We have a boy…" the obstetrician announced twelve hours later.
"A boy" Monica repeated in a whisper.
"Looks like we're having boys" Chandler said proudly and kissed her on the side of her head. "We're certainly not having twin girls."
"I'm so tired Chandler" Monica complained, nearly crying. "I don't know if I can have one more today…"
"Yes you can" Chandler said. "Just one more and then you'll never have to do this again. I promise you that."
"But I don't know if I can!" Monica said.
"You can" Chandler said firmly. "Listen to me Mon, you've done this before you can do it again."
"I've never had more than one at a time" Monica pointed out.
She closed her eyes and leaned back on the bed. She wished she could go to sleep but she knew she couldn't do that yet. She hoped the second baby would take a couple of minutes so that she could get some rest. The room was unusually quiet and she nearly fell asleep before she realized something.
"Chandler why isn't he crying?" she asked, opening her eyes. "Why isn't the baby crying? He's not crying!"
Chandler suddenly realized that too. He hadn't thought about it at first, but now he realized that the baby hadn't cried yet. He got up and hurried over to the other end of the room where two doctors were pumping air into the baby's lungs with some sort of instrument.
"What's wrong?" he asked them. "What's going on, he should have cried by now!"
"It can take a while for the baby to start breathing on his own sometimes" one of the doctors muttered.
"Bullshit" Chandler said. "What is wrong with him?"
"Why isn't he crying?" Monica cried, getting hysterical. "What is wrong with my baby? Chandler why isn't he crying!"
Chandler took a closer look on the baby and shuddered. The baby didn't seem to be alive. He pushed away those thoughts and went back to Monica. She was hysterical by now and he didn't want her to waste her strength when she needed it to deliver the second baby. A midwife tried to give her a sedative shot but Monica pushed her away.
"Easy Mon" Chandler said, hoping she would stop screaming.
"Make him cry!" Monica cried. "Make him…" She trailed off and went from hysterical screaming to devastated sobbing. "He's not dead, he's not dead…" she sobbed.
"Honey…" Chandler said, trying to stop himself for crying, for her sake. "They're doing everything they can."
One of the doctors sighed and shook his head. He stopped pumping air into the baby's lungs and walked over to Monica and Chandler.
"No" Monica cried through her sobs. "Don't stop, you can't let him die…"
"Your baby's heart wasn't beating and he wasn't breathing on his own" the doctor said. "I'm very sorry, but he was stillborn."
"How the hell could that all of a sudden happen?" Chandler yelled. "Shouldn't you have known that the baby wasn't alive? She was here just last week and you people said everything was fine!"
"He can't be dead" Monica sobbed. "Chandler do something…"
"There's nothing he can do" the doctor said. "I'm really sorry Mrs. Bing."
"I wanna see him!" Monica said, trying to dry her tears.
"Monica I don't think--" Chandler said, but Monica interrupted him.
"I want to hold him! He's my son, I just gave birth to him, you have to let me hold him!"
"Mrs. Bing, I don't--"
"No! I want to see him!" Monica cried, and then cried out in pain.
"Just let her" Chandler said. "Look, she's having the second baby now, just let her hold the first one for a few seconds. Maybe then she'll see for herself. Plus, better she does it now than when he's… well, cold…"
Monica gave Chandler a thankful look and Chandler got the baby and placed him in Monica's arms. She was crying hard and did her best to ignore the sharp pain from the second delivery for just a few seconds. She couldn't believe that the baby in her arms wasn't alive, she was just about to say that she didn't believe he was dead when she saw his blue lips. She shuddered and Chandler grabbed the baby and handed him to a midwife.
"Monica just focus on the second baby now, okay?" Chandler said. "At least we'll have one, I promise you that this baby is just fine."
He hoped it wouldn't be a stupid promise, he didn't know what to say or do if the second one was stillborn as well. But just seconds after she was born, the girl baby started to cry.
"Told you" Chandler whispered and kissed Monica on the cheek. He was crying now too, it was only nine a.m. but it had been one of the hardest days of his life.
"It's a girl" Monica said through her sobs. "We didn't have two boys. We had a boy and a girl."
"Your side of the family then" Chandler said absentmindedly. "Monica she looks just fine. She's beautiful."
Once Monica got to hold the baby she almost held her too tight. She didn't want to let go of her for a second, as if she was afraid the baby would die too if she loosened her grip. She looked up when she heard one of the doctors mention an autopsy on the baby boy.
"No!" she firmly protested. "No way, no! I'm not gonna let you cut in my child. Leave him alone!"
One of the two obstetricians tried to convince her to let them do the autopsy, but he soon gave up. He realized he wasn't winning the debate and they would just have to let it be, even if it meant never finding out why the baby had been stillborn.
"Monica…" Chandler said carefully once they were left alone. "We should name him something."
"Why did he have to die Chandler?" Monica asked, crying again. "He never even got to take one breath."
"I know, it's so unfair" Chandler said and put his arms around her. "We never got to know him…"
"I assume we're expected to put this behind us and focus on the girl?" Monica said. "But I don't know if I can do that."
"Nobody expects either one of us to do that" Chandler said. "What does it matter that he was just an infant? He was our child anyway. But I'm glad we had two instead of one, maybe the younger twin will make it easier for us. Whether we're up for it or not we have to take care of her. She needs us a lot more than he does. And I've always believed that the best way of getting past something is to focus on something else."
"What names should we give them?" Monica asked.
"I don't know" Chandler said. "I've… never named a dead person before…"
"Chandler please, don't talk like that, it just makes it harder" Monica said, trying her yes with the back of her hand.
"Did that book of yours give any suggestions?" Chandler asked. "Because Monica I'm serious, I can't sit here and come up with names for him."
"The book wasn't much help" Monica said. "John and Kate was kinda' nice… but naming my children after a crazy gunman and a hooker isn't appealing. And then there were lots of stuff from cartoon characters, like Donald and Daisy and things like that."
"Hey, do we have anyone in the family with a biblical name?" Chandler asked. "There are lots of nice biblical names."
"The book suggested Joseph and Mary, but we already have one Joey around… And then there was Adam and Eve."
"I like that" Chandler said. "They're pretty names."
"I don't really like the name Eve" Monica said. "It's too short. Eve Bing would be too… I don't know really."
"Bridget Bing isn't too pretty either, if you think about it" Chandler said with a sigh. "Bing doesn't go very well with anything." He rose and sighed again. "You know what, I can't do this!"
Monica looked at him with sad eyes. He had walked over to the window and was looking out on the cold January morning. He looked angry and frustrated, but Monica was in no mood to be the sweet, loving comforter. They had both lost a child but she was the one who had gone through the pain of giving birth to him just to find out he was dead.
"I lost a son just thirty minutes ago," Chandler said, "and I can't argue with my wife over what to name him and his sister. Monica please, I know you're the Mother, I know I can't imagine how hard it was to give birth to him, but he was still my kid. Don't deny me the right to be just as sad as you, I was his parent just as much as you."
"We'll name him Adam then" Monica said. "If you want to name him Adam, then we will."
"Thank you" Chandler said. He slowly walked over to her. "Can I hold her?" he asked. "I've only gotten to hold her for less than a minute."
Monica nodded and helped him lift the baby over to his arms. She didn't want to let go of the baby, but after Chandler's words she didn't feel like she could deny him. She knew he wanted to hold the baby too.
"So what name do you think she should have?" he asked.
"Eve" Monica said gently.
"Do you really think so though?" Chandler asked. "Because if not, I actually have another suggestion."
"Tell me if you want to" Monica said. She was feeling too empty at the moment to really care.
"I was thinking we could name her Martha" Chandler said.
"Martha?" Monica said with a frown. "Why Martha?"
"Did you ever read the four-book series by Willhelm Moberg that starts with 'the Emigrants'?" Chandler asked.
"I don't even know who Willhelm Moberg is."
"The main characters have like eight children or something like that… And their second-oldest daughter is named Märta. I think Martha is the correct English version of the name, even if she's called Mary in the book series when they come to America."
"But why name her after that character?" Monica asked.
"Because Märta had a twin brother who died shortly after being born. Or was stillborn. Or something like that, I can't really remember."
"Oh…" Monica said, understanding where he was going.
"It would be sort of a… symbolic name" Chandler continued. "I don't think Märta's brother was given a name, but this baby's brother got one, and… and I don't know what that has to do with anything. But besides, Eve Bing would sound a bit too short, you're right about that."
"I like Mary better" Monica said, feeling tears starting to fall down her face. "Isn't that what you said her name was in America? Wouldn't it be more fitting to name her Mary then? Plus, that way both she and her brother would have biblical names."
"Yeah…" Chandler agreed.
"Mary Eve Phoebe Bing…" Monica said, drying her tears with one hand. "And Adam… Adam Bing. No middle names. It's fine as it is."
Chandler nodded. He walked over and sat down next to her, carefully handing the baby back to her.
"How do you feel?"
"So empty" Monica said, her voice almost breaking. "I have one new-born baby and one stillborn. And I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing."
"It's just the shock" Chandler said gently. "Something like this… it's just too much for you to handle right now. Two too big emotions. It's better that you feel nothing right now. You need to get some rest."
Monica nodded through her quiet sobs.
"And you can't be feeling nothing…" Chandler said. "If you were, then you wouldn't be crying."
"I only got to hold him once" Monica said trembling. "And he was already dead. I never got to see him look at me, or see his little mouth open or his little hands clench into fists. I never even got to hear him cry!"
"Neither did I" Chandler said quietly.
"It's easier for you" Monica said. "You're not the Mother."
"Don't say that! Don't say that I'm just the Father" Chandler angrily said and rose from his chair. "Don't you dare say I don't feel as terrible as you do just because I'm the one without a uterus!"
He stormed out of her room, unable to be around her anymore at the moment. It had been a lousy start of the year. The pain over losing the boy baby almost made it impossible for him to be happy over little Mary. And he felt bad about that. He didn't want to have to feel sad every time he looked at her, and only think about the twin that had died. It wouldn't be fair to Mary and it would make him hate himself.
He stopped when he saw a payphone. Suddenly he realized he had some difficult phone calls to make. He had to call and tell Joey that Monica had been in labour and that the birth was over, which meant he would have to tell him that only one of the twins was alive. He didn't know if he could do that right now, but he knew at the same time that he had to. Because Joey had to know that the birth was over and that Chandler would come pick the children up sometime soon. And Chandler was the Daddy, therefore he had to make the phone call. It was in no way easier for him than for Monica right now.
He got his cellular phone out and dialled Joey's number. Clara answered. Chandler wasn't up for chit-chatting with her, and asked to speak with Joey right away. Joey came to the phone after about a minute.
"Dude, I thought you'd never call!" he said.
"These things take time Joe" Chandler said.
"So it's what I thought then…" Joey said. "She's in labour. Well, she was in labour. Congratulations dude, twins!"
"Yeah she was in labour" Chandler said, ignoring his congratulations. "And yes, she's had the babies now."
"So?" Joey asked excitedly. "What kind are they? Tell me, tell me, tell me!"
"Fraternal" Chandler said, hoping the conversation would be as short as possible.
"What does that mean?" Joey asked.
"The firstborn was a boy… The other one is a girl."
"Cool" Joey said. "They're not identical, are they?"
"Brothers and sisters rarely are" Chandler said with a loud sigh. "I'm coming over to pick the kids up."
"Wait, hold on a second!" Joey said. "How did everything go? Is Monica okay?"
"I guess…" Chandler said.
"And the twins?"
"I'd rather not talk about it."
"Something's wrong with them?" Joey asked.
"Look Joey, I'll come by soon" Chandler said. "Bye."
He hung up and went back to Monica. He told her in short phrases that he was going home to stay with the children tonight. He lifted Mary out of Monica's arms and held her for a while and then handed her over to a nurse who came over to take a few tests on her.
Monica watched him leave and felt devastated. She had wanted him to stay. She didn't think about the children that were at Joey's, right now all she cared about was that Chandler was there for her and not at home.

"Hey" Chandler said, entering at Joey's.
He was extremely tired. He hadn't slept in over thirty hours and it had been the longest night and morning of his life. And the reality about what had really happened had started to sink in with him. He had a dead child.
The four children he had alive that weren't new-born came hurrying to meet him. Chandler gave them absentminded hugs and told them to get their things. Joey and Clara eyed him with worried eyes.
"Daddy what's wrong with the twins?" Bridget asked, sounding sad and almost scared.
"Your youngest sister is doing just fine" Chandler said in a tired voice.
"And the brother?" Joey asked.
"He's… happy."
"So then nothing's wrong then?" Joey asked, obviously confused. "But I thought… I thought you said--"
"He's happy" Chandler repeated.
"Well that's good then" Clara said.
"For him but not for us" Chandler said. "Are you ready?" he asked the other children. "Good, then thank Joey and Clara for everything and get out in the car."
Joey and Clara said goodbye, both confused over what was really going on with the twins. A few minutes after Chandler had left Joey suddenly realized.
"Oh man…" he said.
"What?" Clara asked.
"I get it now."
"Get what?"
"The baby boy" Joey said. "He's dead."
"What? You think?"
"It makes sense now that I think about it" Joey said. "When Chandler called and I asked him what the sexes were of the babies, he said that the first one was a boy and the second one is a girl. And then he said that he didn't want to talk about how they were doing. And now he says that the baby is happy. And he said it just like how people say it about someone who's just died."
"Oh my goodness…" Clara said with a sigh. She lifted her own son up and held him tight as if she thought he might die too. "Poor, poor Monica and Chandler…"

When Chandler got home he realized he wouldn't be much of a father that night. He felt unable to keep tabs on the children and cook them dinner and help them out. He called his parents-in-law and told them in short terms what had happened and that he would really appreciate it if they could come by and look after the children. They showed up after an hour, and neither of them seemed to know what to say to him. It didn't matter to Chandler anyway. He wasn't interested in talking. He just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up for ages. But before he could go to sleep he had to make some phone calls. There were tons of people that he had to call and tell about Monica's delivery. And each time he would have to answer questions about the twins and get reminded that only one of them was alive.
He made the phone calls as short as he could, and avoided answering any questions. Once he was done he gave Monica a quick call on her cellular, mostly just to ask about how Mary was doing. He didn't know what to say to Monica, for the first time in as long as he could remember. When he had hung up, he made one last phone call.
He ended up going to sleep on top of the bed instead of under the quilts, and with all of his clothes on. Emma was with him, sleeping right next to him with his arm around her waist. She had been scared, picking up on the tense mood around the house, and she had come to him for comfort. She was almost seven years old now. The other children were put to bed by Jack and Judy, who then went to bed themselves in Emma's room. Jack tried to call Monica before they went to bed, but she wasn't answering her cell phone.

At the hospital, Monica couldn't sleep. It was part the endorphin rush from the delivery but also sadness. She was sad that her little son was dead, but she was more sad that she wasn't feeling any real sorrow yet. She had felt it during the minutes between finding out he was dead and pushing Mary out, but then the feeling had more or less gone away. And right now she couldn't really feel happy over Mary either. It was as if she couldn't feel anything strong at all.
She wished Chandler was with her. She knew he was with their other children but she wished he could be there anyway. He had their four oldest children with him, she was almost all alone. Mary was there, asleep in a cradle next to her. Monica was scared that anything would happen to her too and she couldn't relax enough to go to sleep.
She looked up when the door opened.
"Chandler?" she said hopefully.
"No, it's me" Phoebe said and entered. She shut the door and leaned against it, then spoke softly. "Chandler called me. He told me what happened. I am so sorry Monica."
Monica nodded and started to cry again, even though she wasn't feeling the pain she thought she should. She was more crying because if Chandler had told everyone then there really was no chance that the boy was alive. She knew deep down that he had been stillborn, but at the same time she hadn't been able to get it out of her head that maybe he was still alive.
"He called me up again later…" Phoebe softly continued. "He explained why he couldn't be here tonight. And he asked me to come here instead. Because I've carried children for nine months and then had to give them up right after their birth. They weren't my biological children and they weren't dead, but they were still taken away from me. He figured I would know what you're going through and that I would be able to comfort you better than Rachel, Ross or Joey."
"I can't believe he's dead" Monica said with tears falling down her cheeks.
"Oh honey…" Phoebe said and walked over to her. She pulled Monica into a hug and rocked her back and forth. "It's okay… it's okay… There was nothing you could do. There was no way you could have known."
Monica started crying harder. Phoebe was crying too, reliving the pain she had felt when she'd had to give up the triplets. And they hadn't even been her own biological children, she had known they were alive and healthy and she had known all along that she wouldn't get to keep them. Monica had thought she would get to keep and raise both twins up until the first twin had been born. Her situation was in many ways worse than Phoebe's had been.
After a while Monica seemed to be cried out and Phoebe had dried her own tears. She leaned back and gently broke the hug, glancing at the crib next to the bed.
"Is this the twin girl?" she asked, even though she already knew.
"We're naming her Mary" Monica said. "Mary Eve Phoebe…"
"She's beautiful" Phoebe said.
"I know" Monica said, smiling slightly. "But every time I look at her…"
"Every time you look at her what?" Phoebe asked gently. "You wish you had two instead of one?"
"Yeah that…" Monica said. "But mainly, I wonder if she can comprehend what she's lost. If she'll able be able to understand what she lost on the day of her birth."
"January 1st, 2011" Phoebe said. "From what the head obstetrician told me out in the hall, the first baby born in New York this year. Unusually enough, since the first child is often born right after midnight."
"The second first child born in New York in 2011" Monica corrected sadly. "She's the first living baby born."
"Really Monica, I am so sorry…" Phoebe said.
"I know you are" Monica said. "The problem is, I don't know if I am! I feel nothing. Not a single thing. I can't feel the bond to little Mary that I've always felt with my children since the minute they were born. And I don't feel pain anymore over Adam."
"Adam?"
"Chandler named the boy Adam" Monica explained.
"But Monica you do feel something" Phoebe said. "I just held you while you cried! I know you feel something."
"I know but… Even though I've cried a lot today I still haven't really felt anything since they took Adam from me. When they put Mary in my arms I felt happy because she was alive, but I didn't feel… like I loved her really."
"You do love her Monica" Phoebe said. "She's your daughter."
"I don't feel like a woman who's just become a mother" Monica said sadly. "I just feel empty."
"Well maybe that's just your mind's way of coping with it" Phoebe suggested. "That instead of feeling really happy and really sad at the same time, you don't feel anything at first. But you will Monica, trust me."
"I don't have any luck with sons, do I?" Monica said. "Anthony almost died and Adam did die."
"Almost, Monica. Anthony almost died. But he's alive and healthy."
"Poor boy" Monica said with a slight chuckle. "Four sisters and not a single brother."
"Well Joey had six sisters and not a single brother" Phoebe pointed out. "Look, you're going to be fine. You have a wonderful family, it will be there for you. I mean, first and foremost you have Chandler. He's going to be there for you, and he's loving, he's caring, and he knows you well enough to know when to back off and when to be there. And you have four children at home who are really nice kids and they won't make things harder for you. And don't forget that you still have one new baby left. You may have lost one but you got to keep the other. Most women who lose a child aren't that lucky. They don't have anything for their pregnancy and labour but you have a daughter."
"Don't forget one thing though…" Monica said. "This is hard for Chandler too. And he might have to take on most of the responsibility of the children now for a while before I can get my act together. Adding that with how he must be feeling right now, he probably won't be able to be there for me as much as I need. He needs someone to lean on too and I don't think it can be me."
"He has Ross and Joey" Phoebe said. "And Rachel and me. We will help you guys, any way we can. We may have drifted apart but you know we'll always be there for each other. You know that."
Monica nodded slightly. She looked at the sleeping infant again. She wished there were two babies lying next to each other but she knew there would never be. She couldn't help thinking how unfair it was. For a while now she had really been looking forward to having twins, two little babies that would sleep next to each other in a crib the same night they were born, that would learn to crawl and walk together and go through school and life together. When she had wanted only one child she got twins, but when she wanted twins she'd gotten only one.

"Can I hold her Mommy?" Bridget asked.
"Sure" Monica said. "Just be careful with her…"
Monica and Mary had come home earlier that day, a week after the birth of the twins. Chandler had been unusually reserved the entire week and he hadn't stopped by as much as she had expected. The previous times she had been in a hospital with a new-born child he had more or less lived there with her, but this time he had been at home most of the time. He claimed he had to look after the other children, but Monica knew that her parents were helping him out with that. And as soon as she'd gotten home he had left her with the children to go shovel snow. Monica didn't have much time to think about it at the moment though, since the children were flocking around her.
"Okay, hold her steady now…" Monica said and carefully placed Mary in Bridget's arms.
"She's so tiny" Bridget said.
"So was Fran a year ago" Emma said.
"Is she going to scream as much as Fransesca?" Anthony asked Monica.
"Francesca" Bridget corrected him. "Learn how to say it, Anthony."
"Oh don't be so picky, missy" Monica said with a smile. "When Emma was little you thought her name was Emba."
The children laughed, waking Mary up and making her cry. Monica lifted her back to her own arms and gently hushed to her to make her stop crying.
"Just like Fransesca" Anthony said.
"Esca see!" Francesca demanded and climbed up on the couch next to Monica.
"She can't say it either" Anthony said to Bridget.
"That's because she's a year and a half old" Bridget pointed out.
"Shh, don't bicker" Monica said. "You remember what we told you right before Francesca was born, right?"
"Mommy how many years do we have to be quiet and not run around so much?" Emma asked whiningly.
"Until Mary gets a little older, honey" Monica said.
"Like Fran or like cousin Ben?" Emma asked skeptically.
"Ben is almost sixteen, stupid" Bridget said.
"I'm not stupid!"
"What did I tell you a minute ago about bickering?" Monica asked with a deep sigh.

Monica sighed and sunk down on one of the living room couches. She was really tired, it had been a long day. Little Mary wasn't even a month old, but they had christened her already. They had been forced to, the priest who had christened all of their children was going away two days later and he wouldn't be back for over a year, and Monica had insisted on having the same priest christen all of their children.
"I'm really not up for christening parties anymore" Monica said with a sigh to Rachel. "These past few years I've really come to dislike all kind of parties like this. Christening parties, confirmation parties, engagement parties…"
"The only reason you dislike confirmation parties is because Ross acted like a jerk at Ben's" Rachel said.
"Who thought it would be that big a deal?" Monica said. "I've always known that Ross is more into Judaism than Christianity, but you'd think he'd be okay with Ben choosing for himself. And besides, these days kids only get confirmed to get presents from relatives."
"Well you know Ross…" Rachel said. "Remember the whole armadillo fiasco?"
"I wouldn't call it a fiasco" Monica said with a grin. "But it sure wasn't what he had planned on at first."
"I will never forget the sight of Ross dressed up as an armadillo" Rachel said with a huge smile on her face. She got something distant in her eyes and her smile changed somewhat.
"Hello?" Monica said, and leaned forward. She snapped her fingers in front of Rachel a couple of time. "Earth to Greene, are you there?"
"Yeah…" Rachel said distantly. "I was just thinking."
"About what?"
"Ross…"
"Oh boy…" Monica said with a sigh. "Please tell me--"
"You know," Rachel said, cutting Monica off, "I would really like to apologize for acting a bit… odd since I found out about you and Chandler having another baby."
"No need to apologize" Monica said. "I think I can figure out why you acted that way."
"If Chandler had agreed to donate the sperm…" Rachel said. "I mean… In that case I would have been impregnated in April. And I would have been due in January. And what happens? It turns out you're pregnant, due in January. It just felt like such a spit in the face. I know you didn't get pregnant on purpose, but it still felt so awful. And I can't help but think every time I look at Mary, that I could have had my own by now."
"You never know" Monica said. "Maybe you wouldn't have gotten what we got with Mary. You might have gotten what we got with Adam. A stillborn."
"Well at least I would have been somebody's mother…" Rachel said.
"You wouldn't say that if you were in that situation" Monica said. "The feeling of losing a child, it's one of the worst there is. And I never even got to know Adam. But maybe that's why it hurts so much. I'll never get to fully know what I lost. The first two weeks I couldn't feel any pain. I didn't feel much joy over Mary either. But then it all came sneaking up on me and before I knew it I was a mess. But luckily enough for me, Chandler went through that phase right away and he had managed to get past the initial pain and devastation. So he could be there for me and help me through mine."
"Maybe everybody should just marry a friend…" Rachel said. "Someone who knows you really well, that you can just be there for. Marrying a friend seems a lot smarter than marrying a lover…"
"Better marry your best friend than your lover" Monica said. "My grandmother always said that." She smiled slightly. "And then there are some that marry both…"
"Like you?" Rachel said. "Yeah you lucked out all right… I wish I could have had that."
"Rachel it's not too late" Monica said. "These kind of things, they happen when you least expect it. Maybe you're just looking too hard."
"I've given up on finding someone to marry, don't you remember?" Rachel said. "But I want children. Even more since Mary's birth."
"Chandler has great plans for her" Monica said with a smile. "He says that most professional athletes are born early in the year. He's hoping that she'll become a professional baseball player or something like that."
"I once had what you have with Chandler" Rachel said, not having listened to Monica. "With Ross."
"Rachel…" Monica said warningly.
"What?" Rachel said. "Ross and I did have something like what you and Chandler have. At least we had the beginning of it… we never got to develop it."
"Rachel it has been seven years since we heard about you guys being on a break, and frankly I have been very happy during those seven years. So please, don't start anything."
"Monica aren't you listening?" Rachel said. "Ross and me, we could have been where you and Chandler are now!"
"I doubt it" Monica said. "Look, Rachel, think about it for a second. It wasn't just Ross cheating that ended your relationship. Things were quite bad between you after just a couple of months. Don't you remember how you fought about something every single day? The longest period of time that passed between two of your fights was three days."
"Not true" Rachel said. "During our first month we didn't fight at all. And besides, like you and Chandler don't fight. You guys have nearly separated twice!"
"Hey!" Monica said, getting upset. "We have never been close to separation! Sure, we've had our bad fights these past couple of years, but we've always worked them out and moved on! And during our first year together we only had seven fights. Compare that to the over two hundred fights you and Ross had!"
"All I'm saying is, Ross and I never really got a chance to come as far as you and Chandler!" Rachel said. "If he hadn't cheated, we would have--"
"Your relationship was on the rocks with or without Ross cheating" Monica said. "Don't forget Rachel that you did take a break. I don't think that justifies Ross's actions that night, but you took a break. Who's to say you could have worked things out after that?"
"I think the break would have been our turning point if Ross had only stayed faithful" Rachel objected. "Once we took that break I realized that I didn't want it. I wanted to work things out, I really did. We had problems, I'm not denying that, but I really believed that we could make it work. If only Ross hadn't--"
"If only Columbus hadn't tried to find India, the North American continent might still not have been discovered by the Europeans" Monica said. "'If only' are two of the most useless words when you combine them. If only Adam could have survived. How does it help me to think like that? You can't change the past, Rach."
"No I know that. But I can't help wondering where we would be if Ross and I had stayed together."
"Chandler and I wouldn't have been together" Monica said. "We got together in London, at Ross's wedding with Emily. Don't forget that. I can't see one thing that would have been better if you and Ross had stuck together."
"No you can't, can you?" Rachel said. "Maybe not in your life, but in mine!"
"He's happy Rach!" Monica said. "Ross is happy! Erica makes him happy! Ross wouldn't be much happier if he was still with you!"
"Thank you" Rachel said, really hurt by that comment.
"I didn't mean that as offence to you" Monica said. "But Rachel think about it. Maybe you and Ross hadn't been able to work things out. Or maybe you would have, but your relationship was always fragile. What if you got married, had kids. And then couldn't make it work?"
"What if you and Chandler don't work out in the long run?" Rachel replied. "Maybe you'll end up divorced, who knows? Would you then be able to say that things would have been just as good, or maybe even better, if the two of you had broken up back in the twentieth century?"
"No" Monica said honestly. "But that's not what I'm saying either. What I'm saying is, Ross and you ended when you did for a reason."
"Yeah, Xerox girl Chloe!" Rachel said.
"No, because it just didn't work."
"You know something?" Rachel said testily. "I wish Ross and I had stayed together, even if it meant you never getting together with Chandler. You don't care about your friends anymore Monica! It's only Chandler, Chandler, Chandler and your kids. You make minor problems seem like reasons to kill yourself!"
"Excuse me, minor problems?" Monica said. "I gave birth to a stillborn baby less than a month ago. That is my problem. Yours is that fourteen years ago you broke up with someone. Don't come talking to me about problems."
"Monica you have a family. You have a marriage and you have children. And I have nothing. Yet you complain, and you complain."
"This life isn't easier than being single!" Monica objected. "And I have never denied that I am a very lucky woman. Don't you think I know how fortunate I am? But that doesn't mean everything is easy! Chandler and I get unfazed sometimes and we fight. I have a daughter who turns nine in two months and starts fourth grade this fall and has started to for some reason I don't know seclude herself from the other children. And I have a daughter who turns seven in about a month who less than a year ago walked off on a beach in Los Angeles and nearly disappeared forever. And I have a son who's four, who just a year ago was so sick that we didn't know if he would survive. And a daughter who is seventeen months old, plus a not even seventeen weeks old baby who was supposed to have a twin brother! Do you think it's easy to take care of that many children, while keeping a marriage fun, healthy and alive?"
"No I didn't say that!" Rachel objected angrily. "But I know that you wouldn't trade all of your worries in for my life even for a minute. I have no one. You have a husband and five children. I don't need you to yell at me for wishing I could have had the same thing."
Rachel got up and hurried down the stairs. Monica glanced over at Mary with a sigh and lifted her up from her carrier.
"I wonder what it would have been like if your Father and I hadn't gotten together" she said to the baby. "I don't believe in meant to be, at least I don't think so… It was pure luck that brought us together. I wonder if you'll have the same luck in your life, little one…"
She lifted Mary up in her arms. Chandler came up the stairs and smiled slightly. She could hear Bridget, Emma and Anthony playing in the hallway downstairs and she knew Francesca was asleep. Things were hectic but she knew Rachel was right, she wouldn't trade her life in for a life like Rachel's for as much as a minute.
"How's the newly christened child?" Chandler asked.
"She wants her Daddy to hold her" Monica said.
Chandler smiled and sat down next to her on the couch. He lifted Mary over to his arms and gave Monica a kiss.
"And how's the newly christened child's Mother?"
"She also wants to be held by you" Monica said with a slight smile.
"Can't help but thinking there should have been two today?" he asked.
"You're thinking it too, aren't you?"
"Yes" Chandler said. "But you know… I don't think our whole lives will be like that. I don't think we'll watch Mary grow and at every step of the way think that there should have been two instead of one. I mean, we never got a chance to get attached to Adam like that. And in time we'll probably put it behind us."
"I'll never forget him."
"Neither will I" Chandler said. "But I think that's all we can do for him. To always remember him."
"Who's gonna take care of him?" Monica asked. "In heaven, or wherever he is. Who's going to protect him and help him?"
"I don't know" Chandler said truthfully. "Maybe my Dad will. Or my Aunt who died."
"Do you think Mary will be affected by this?" Monica asked. "Do you think she'll be a tomboy? A lesbian?"
"Possibly" Chandler said. "But her sexuality probably won't have anything to do with Adam's death. If she turns out to be a lesbian that doesn't mean that she would have been straight if Adam had lived."
"Yeah, she's an individual" Monica agreed. "And twins don't have to be best friends and inseparable. Just look at Phoebe and Ursula. Maybe she won't suffer one bit from this."
"It won't scar her. But it might make her wonder about what could have been if her brother had gotten to live."
"So you think we should tell her, in other words?"
"When she's old enough…" Chandler said. "I mean, wouldn't you hate it if you found out at this age that you had a twin that died at birth? She has a right to know, and she should get to find out as soon as she is old enough…"
Monica nodded slightly.
"Guess what, by the way…" she said. "I think Rachel might be interested in Ross again."
"No, not again" Chandler moaned. "When is she going to give up on this? I thought she already had! She was more than fine with him marrying Erica!"
"She was with Boris then" Monica reminded him. "She's always been like that. When she's single and he's not, she wants him."
"You probably misunderstood her" Chandler said. "And even if you didn't, I doubt she would try and get back together with him. It's been so many years and he's obviously moved on."
"I'm not so sure about that…" Monica said. "We all thought Rachel had moved on, right? If she hasn't then what's to say Ross has?"

Monica and Chandler shared a look. 'Here we go again' his look told her. She nodded. It was the billionth time they had been in a situation like this, it felt like. And they were getting really tired of it.
They were in Rachel's apartment together with Ross and Rachel, and with little Mary in her carrier on the table. The baby was asleep, Monica hoped that it would help keep Ross and Rachel's voices down. If they woke the baby she would get really angry, and both Ross and Rachel hopefully knew it.
"Rachel I cannot believe you, I thought this was all over and done with years ago" Ross said, very upset.
"Yeah, join the line" Chandler said.
"I just don't understand what the hell you were thinking!" Ross continued, ignoring Chandler. "My wife goes out of town and you show up at my house, from the looks of it just wanting to hang out. And then before I know it, you're making major passes at me!"
"I was not making major passes at you!" Rachel defended herself. "I was telling you the truth. That I haven't been able to stop thinking about what could have been between us if only you had--"
"Don't even go there!" Ross warned her.
"Friends make the best couples, isn't that what you used to say?"
"I said that to Chandler and Monica, at their wedding" Ross said. "I never said it went for you and me. Sure, we were great together. But we obviously didn't make a great couple."
"I don't think that was the problem, if I may interfere" Chandler said. "The problem was that you forgot that you were friends once you started dating."
"Unlike you, who forgot you had friends when you got married" Rachel angrily said.
"Okay, I'll just stay out of this conversation" Chandler said.
"Rach, this is just pointless" Ross said. "I am happily married, I have no intentions of you and I getting back together! At all!"
"Ross…" Rachel said. "Did you just lie to me back then? Huh? Was it all just lies when you said you loved me more than you'd ever loved anybody? That it had always been me?"
"No" Ross said. "I wasn't lying to you. But Rachel things change. I have moved on, I thought we both had!"
"I don't think either one of us have" Rachel disagreed. "You know what I think? I think that we both had some idea of what it would be like to date each other, to date a close friend when we got together. I think we both had this idea that we would somehow not have to deal with the problems other couples have because we were friends first. But then it turned out that we got those problems too, and we weren't prepared for it. I think that's why we ended up as we did. We for some reason thought we stood above things like that, but we really didn't. If we were to give it another try--"
"We never will give it another try Rachel!" Ross objected. "I'm married, I have a wife!"
"Yeah, well that hasn't stopped the two of you before" Monica dryly pointed out.
"Excuse me?" Ross angrily said.
"Ross don't you realize that you and I would make a perfect team?" Rachel said. "We know each other much better than you and Erica know each other, you cannot deny that."
"True" Ross said. "But even though we know each other well--"
"Knowing me, knowing you" Chandler sang, interrupting them. "There is nothing we can do, knowing me, knowing you."
"Chandler please…" Monica sighed.
"We just have to face it this time we're through" Chandler continued singing.
"Chandler stay out of this!" Rachel said angrily. "You're only making things worse, you're certainly not helping!"
"Breaking up is never easy, I know, but I have to go" Chandler continued. "Knowing me, knowing you, it's the best I can do."
"So what the hell are you saying, that we know each other too well?" Rachel asked.
Chandler shrugged his shoulders.
"How should I know?" he said.
"Rach it's too late" Ross said. "We broke up so long ago, we've both moved on with our lives! You and me, we're in the past! Erica is my future."
"And what about hers?" Monica couldn't help asking. "What about Rachel's?"
"Excuse me, but I am in no way responsible for her future" Ross said.
"I'm not asking you to be" Rachel said with crossed arms. "What I'm saying is that I love you. Old love never dies, can you honestly tell me that you feel nothing for me? That I'm just a friend to you now, nothing else."
"You'll never be just a friend" Ross said. "But you'll never be my girlfriend again. This is one marriage I intend on making work."
"Just hypothetically…" Rachel said. "Would you make it work even if Erica wasn't the woman you wanted?"
"She is" Ross said.
"Ross you cannot get away from the history you and I share" Rachel said. "Don't you get it? We keep getting together and breaking up. And getting together again. We get together over and over again, don't you think there's a reason for that? We're drawn to each other and we always have been."
"Chandler got together with Janice numerous times" Ross said, making Chandler flinch at the mention of his ex. "Probably more times than you and I got together. Do you think he should divorce Mon and go be with Janice?"
"Chandler didn't love Janice like you and I loved each other" Rachel said.
"Chandler maybe we should leave" Monica said. "This isn't something we should be listening to. It's not our business."
"No you can stay" Ross said. "Rachel and I are almost done now."
"You two are never done" Chandler said.
"See?" Rachel said. "Ask anyone and you'll get the same answer. That you and I keep getting back together, over and over. That we never really end."
"We also never make it work" Ross pointed out. "We're together for a while and then we break up. We may be drawn to each other but we have never been able to make it work, and you know that."
"Mamma mia," Chandler sang, "even if I said, 'bye, bye', leave me now or never."
"Chandler…" Monica said warningly.
"Mamma mia, it's a game we play. Bye, bye, doesn't mean forever."
"Enough already! God!" Monica said.
"Mamma mia, here I go again--"
"Chandler!" the other three said firmly. Chandler gave them a look but quieted.
"See what you get when you marry a friend?" Monica said to Rachel with a sigh. "Come on Chandler, let's leave. We should get back home."
Chandler rose and followed her to the door.
"You coming?" he asked Ross.
"Yeah" Ross said.
"We're not finished with this discussion" Rachel said.
"We are" Ross said. "I'll be in the car" he told Monica and Chandler, and hurried down the stairs.
Rachel said goodbye to them and closed the door to her apartment. Chandler and Monica shared a look and shook their heads. This was turning into some weird circus. They had thought it was over when Ross married Erica and Rachel moved in with Boris, but by now they were starting to doubt that it would ever be over.
"You know what I think?" Monica said, walking towards the stairs, carrying Mary in the baby lift.
"Sure" Chandler said.
"I think that her biological clock is ticking very loudly by now, and she wants a marriage no matter what she says. And then she sees you and me together and remembers what it was like between her and Ross, the good times at least. And she comes to the conclusion that Ross is the perfect man for her to marry and have kids with."
"I don't think it's all that easy though" Chandler said. "Rachel does love him. She wouldn't try to end his marriage if she didn't."
"But if she really does love him she'd want him to be happy, even with another woman" Monica said. "That's what I would have wanted for you."
Chandler smiled and stopped her right before she walked out of the building to meet Ross by the car. He put his arms around her from behind and pulled her in for a hug.
"Mamma mia," he quietly sang in her ear, "now I really know, my, my, I could never let you go…"

Chandler yawned big and glanced over at Mary. She was sleeping in her crib. Chandler felt ready to go to sleep too. It had been a long night on his part. Emma had woken up at ten, with nightmares, and she had wanted him to sit by her until she fell asleep, which had taken almost an hour. And then she had woken up again at one, with the same nightmare again. Chandler had had to sit with her again until she fell asleep, which took much longer this time. And when she was finally asleep, Mary had woken up and screamed for food. He had only gotten three hours of sleep during the night.
He glanced over at the clock hanging over his and Monica's bed. It would be another three hours before Monica got back home. She and Rachel had promised Ben to come watch a soccer game he was playing in the neighbourhood, and afterwards they would go out for pizza together with Ross, Carol and Susan. Chandler didn't feel annoyed that Monica was away, he was happy for her. She didn't get many chances to go out during the day without children with her, and he felt she deserved it. She'd taken Adam's death very hard and she hadn't been herself lately.
Chandler yawned again and used his foot to get the rocking chair to rock slowly. He had moved it to the bedroom for Monica right after the twins had been born, so that she could sit in it and nurse in their bedroom when Mary woke up at night.
"This thing is so comfortable…" Chandler muttered to no one. "I could fall asleep right here, right now."
The house seemed unusually quiet. Bridget and Emma were busy playing the latest version of Nintendo, that Chandler's Mother had gotten them for Christmas. Chandler had told them to keep the volume down, and they didn't appear to be saying much to one another so they were unusually quiet. Francesca was napping and Anthony was occupied with some puzzles Monica had gotten him for Christmas. And Mary was asleep.
Chandler felt his head fall to the side, and he looked over at the sleeping baby. He could barely keep his eyes open and watching a little child sleep didn't make him any more awake.
"Maybe I'll just sleep for a little while" he said in the middle of a yawn.
Shortly after he was asleep. He didn't sleep for a little while, he slept for over two and a half hours. Anthony had abandoned his puzzles but instead joined his older sisters, and Francesca had a cold so she slept longer than usually. There was nothing disturbing his sleep.
Once he woke up he yawned big and stretched. He glanced over at the clock and got surprised when he noticed the time it showed.
"How could I have slept for so long?" he asked himself in a yawn. "How come none of the kids woke me?"
He rose from the chair and stretched again. He felt drowsy and he had a small headache. His muscles felt sore as well when he stretched. He was probably coming down with the same thing Francesca had. That was the problem of having a big family, colds jumped back and forth and it seemed as if one of them always had one.
"Maybe we ought to get you up Mary" he mumbled to himself. "And then get your sister up. Francesca's been asleep long enough now, don't you think? Not that you would know which one of your sisters is Francesca, and how long would be long enough, but just trust your Daddy, she's slept enough."
He looked over at the baby and frowned. She seemed to be lying awfully still. He felt a sting of worry as he walked over to her and put a hand on her forehead. He placed one finger under her nose, then asked himself why he had done that. He tried shaking her awake but when she didn't react he got worried. He rushed over to the nightstand and grabbed the cordless phone. He quickly dialled 911.
"Yes hello?" he said once someone answered. "Major emergency, I can't wake my baby! She's sleeping and I can't wake her up! What do I do? I don't know if she's breathing, I don't know how to tell, should I just put her in ice-cold water and shock her to breathing?"

Monica came home early, with Ross and Rachel in tow. She was sick to death listening to their bickering back and forth, which had now seemed to gone from whether or not they should date again to why they broke up in the first place and how much blame could be put on the break and Ross sleeping with the Xerox girl. . Monica had heard it all before, thousands of times, and it was really getting on her nerves. Luckily enough though, the bickering duo had been able to hold off until Ben wasn't there before they started their constant bickering once again. But Monica still wished they would stop. Ever since Rachel had brought the subject up late in January they hadn't done much other than bicker about it. It was now April, a week after Anthony's birthday, and they still hadn't talked anything through, just thrown insults in every direction.
"Ross, Rachel..." Monica said, stopping at the front door. "Could you please not mention such things as 'doing other women' and 'wanting to get it on with Mark' while you're in my house and my children are awake?"
"Fine" Ross said, annoyed. Then he turned to Rachel. "Tell me why you ever thought we could work something out between us!"
"I still think we can" Rachel said. "If only we took the time to work through our problems!"
"Perhaps a little late for that..." Monica muttered and went inside. "Hello!" she called out, greeted by three 'hellos' from the oldest children.
"Your sister can be so annoying sometimes" Rachel muttered to Ross under her breath. "Not a single problem in the world, yet she always makes it sound like she has a lot more problems than you do yourself."
The two walked in after Monica, who said she was going to be right back.
"I'm just gonna go check on the baby" she said. Then she thought of something. "Chandler?" she called out, getting no answer. "That's odd..." She went over to the stairs. "Kids?" she asked. "Have you seen Dad?"
"No" all three replied.
"Weird" Monica said. "Or maybe he's just asleep."
She walked through the kitchen to their bedroom. She found Chandler there, wide awake and with a panicked expression on his face. She hadn't seen him looking that pale in a very long time.
"Hey" she said with a smile. "So you are awake? How come you didn't answer me when I called out?" She placed a kiss on his cheek. "What's the matter, you look funny."
"Monica..." Chandler began, not noticing how much he was shivering.
"Yeah?" she said, walking over to the crib to say hello to Mary.
"Gorgeous house, gorgeous kids, really great husband..." Rachel muttered to herself out in the hall below the stairs, where she was waiting with Ross.
Both she and Ross looked up when they heard Monica screaming hysterically. For a couple of seconds she screamed wordlessly, then she started screaming 'no'. By that time Ross and Rachel snapped out of their initial shock and ran to Monica and Chandler's bedroom to see what on earth was going on.
"Monica!" Chandler was saying, trying to get through to her. "Monica! I've called 911, they're on their way, okay?"
Monica didn't seem to react at first, she just screamed 'no' hysterically and slowly backed away from the crib. Ross hurried over and looked down on Mary, who was lying perfectly still and was turning pale and blue. He immediately understood what was going on and he swallowed hard.
Monica came up and pushed him away, still screaming, as if it would be able to awaken the baby. She lifted Mary up and held her close, still screaming but not yet crying. The doorbell rang and Rachel hurried to go answer. She didn't know for sure, but she was quite sure of what was going on. She was shivering just like Chandler, shocked by what was going on and feeling terribly bad over what she had been saying just minutes earlier. She let the paramedics in, wondering what on earth they would be able to do to help, and showed them to where the baby was.
One of the paramedics took Mary from Monica and quickly examined her but knew that there was nothing they could do.
"It's no use" he said. "She's already been dead for a while now."
Chandler finally got through to Monica, telling her that she was scaring the other children, and she stopped her hysterical screaming. Instead she fell into his arms and burst out crying, moaning the word 'no' over and over again and leaning against him as if she would fall over if he didn't support her. Chandler didn't rock her as he usually did when she was crying. He started to cry too and buried his face in her neck just like she did in his.
Ross and Rachel hardly noticed the paramedics that were discussing quietly whether to write it off as a case of sudden infant death syndrome, which wasn't too uncommon, or if they should take the baby with them for an autopsy at the hospital. Ross and Rachel were instead focusing on Chandler and Monica. Neither of them knew what to say or do. Neither of them had ever seen Chandler cry genuine tears of sadness and they were shocked by seeing him weep in Monica's arms with her crying in his.
The paramedics left, taking the dead baby with them and telling Ross that they would keep the baby at the hospital and that they could come down there later and sign some papers if they agreed to an autopsy, or just to get the body. Ross didn't respond, sickened by the thought that his youngest niece was all of a sudden just 'the body'.
Rachel couldn't stay in there with Monica and Chandler anymore, she turned and left the room quickly. She stopped halfway through the kitchen when she saw Emma, Bridget and Anthony in the doorway.
"Why did Mommy scream?" Emma asked worriedly.
Rachel sighed and walked over to them, gently urging them to follow her to Francesca's room. She figured that Francesca would be more than awake by now, which turned out to be a correct assumption. She carefully lifted her up from her bed and held her close, remembering how much she had wanted her own baby when she had seen Monica carry around Francesca. And how she had wanted one even more when Monica had gotten pregnant again. She swallowed hard and turned around to face the other three children of Monica's.
"Is she okay?" Bridget asked, scared by her mother's screams.
"Yeah..." Rachel said. "Sort of." She didn't know what to tell them. It didn't feel like her place to tell them their sister had died. "It's just... She just... I'm not sure."
"Will she be okay?" Bridget asked.
"Yes" Rachel said. "She'll be just fine."
Ross showed up in the doorway.
"I couldn't be there any longer either" he told Rachel. He kneeled down to get on level with the children. "Hey, how are you guys? A little scared?"
"What's going on?" Anthony asked.
"Well..." Ross began. He didn't know how to tell them either. "You don't have to worry" he said instead. "Nothing bad has happened to your Mom."
"Is it Dad?" Anthony asked.
Ross shook his head. He had no idea what to say or do. He didn't know if a five year-old, a seven year-old and a nine year-old would be able to understand what had happened. He didn't give any thought to Francesca, she was just a little more than eighteen months old and he didn't think she had any idea what was going on at all.
"Look, why don't you uhm... Why don't you let Rachel take care of Francesca, and you guys can come with me upstairs and we'll read a story or something."
"What about Mary, who's going to look after her?" Bridget asked.
"Mary... She's looked after" Rachel said hesitantly. "Don't worry about her."
Bridget reluctantly nodded and followed Ross upstairs. Emma and Anthony followed as well, neither of them interested in hearing a story but they realized that the grown-ups were preoccupied with something else and that it was easiest just to do as their uncle said. Ross told Emma to pick out a story and sat down on the couch. He felt awful. He wondered whether it would be Chandler or Monica who told the children. He guessed it would be Chandler.
Downstairs, Rachel had just changed Francesca's diaper and was slowly getting her dressed in something else than her pyjamas. She hadn't heard a word from Chandler and Monica's bedroom but she didn't want to go over there and see how they were doing. Seeing Chandler cry had affected her a lot, she had really been taken by it. And she had realized that she never wanted to see that man cry again. It made her feel uncomfortable just thinking about it. Monica's tears were different, they were more intense but Rachel was used to Monica crying. She had often seen her cry, both out of joy and sadness. She had never seen Chandler cry of joy, although Monica said he had when he had proposed to her and when the children had been born. Rachel and the rest hadn't been allowed to be in the room once Monica started to push when she was giving birth to Bridget and they hadn't been present during the other births, so she hadn't had the chance to see him cry then. The only times she had seen him cry it hadn't been really sincere. It had been right after Monica had gotten upset that he had admitted to perhaps not crying if she died.
"You know what kiddo?" she said to Francesca. "I take one thing back... Your Mother's life isn't perfect. If it was, you'd still have a little sister... and a little brother for that matter... And a Father who yet hadn't cried in front of auntie Rachel."
She lifted Francesca up and for a second thought about taking her to the bedroom, for either Chandler or Monica to hold and be comforted by. But she realized that right now the only child either of them wanted to hold was the dead one.

Monica was cold but she didn't feel it. She couldn't tell the difference between how she was feeling inside and how her body was reacting to it's environment. She didn't know which day had been the worst of her life, the day Mary died or this day. The rain was smattering against the umbrella but still drops found their way underneath to get her wet, and the rain brought out a smell of grass and dirt from the ground. Chandler's arm was on around her shoulders, the other held up the umbrella above their heads. Monica's hands were holding a child each, Bridget in the left and Anthony in the right. Ross was holding Emma and Joey had Francesca in his arms. The only reason they had brought Francesca as well was because they didn't have anyone to baby-sit.
Chandler and Monica both had expressionless faces as they watched the tiny casket lowered into the grown next to a tiny grave that was only around four months old. Two children dead and buried with one third of the year. Monica didn't cry. She was all cried out at the moment. She had spent the first couple of days crying non-stop but by now she didn't feel as if she had a single tear left in her. Chandler hadn't cried either, not since right after Mary's death when they had cried in each other's arms. The children weren't crying either, except for Francesca who wanted out of the cold rainy weather and back inside where it was warm and dry. Phoebe cried silently, she was the only one of the adults. There weren't many people present, just Chandler and Monica with their children, Monica's parents and Chandler's Mother, and the gang. Neither of the others had brought any of their families, except for Ross who had Ben with him. They weren't going to have any form of funeral reception, just the actual burial and then they would all go home.
Chandler's hand gave Monica's shoulder a gentle squeeze. She accepted it as support from him. She knew it was all he could master at the moment, just knowing that he still tried to support her was enough for her. She remembered the year before, almost exactly one year earlier, when they had been in Los Angeles together with Rachel. They had nearly lost Emma that time, Monica wondered what it would have been like if she had gotten lost. They would have no place to go to grieve, no grave to visit, nothing. They wouldn't even know if she was alive or not. They would always have to wonder. But luckily enough Emma hadn't gone lost. She was back where she belonged. Monica also remembered the reason why they had been in Los Angeles in the first place. Rachel's wish that Chandler would father her baby. Rachel's baby would have been the same age as the twins, born at almost the exact same time, if Chandler had agreed. He hadn't, and Monica felt more thankful for that now than ever. Whether or not Rachel had gotten pregnant Monica figured she would have, and having to stand there now watching the fresh twin graves would have been unbearable if Rachel had had a little child the same age as the twins, a little child that was Chandler's. Monica hoped Rachel would have children someday soon, but she knew she couldn't handle Rachel having Chandler's.
It had been a little over a week since Mary's death, and Rachel hadn't mentioned having children since. She had often talked about it since Mary's christening, but it was as if she had lost all interest to talk about it now. Or maybe she just didn't want to talk about it to the grieving parents.
Bridget let go of Monica's hand right before they started filling the grave up with dirt. Monica watched her anxiously yet somehow numbly as she approached the open grave, afraid that her oldest child would fall in. Bridget was holding a pair of yellow feeding bottles, twin bottles. She tossed them in the grave.
"For you and Adam" she mumbled. "In case you need them."
She walked back to Monica and took her hand again. Monica thought about all the things they had bought for the twins, the twin pram, the doublets of all the baby equipment. Now there wasn't even one baby to use the products for. She felt bitter.

"Crap…" Chandler muttered a week later, when he and Monica were going through the bills.
"What?" Monica asked, looking up.
"I forgot to cancel this… Our trip to Greece for our anniversary."
"Well then don't cancel it" Monica said.
"You want to go on a romantic second honeymoon now?" Chandler asked in disbelief.
"I am not going to let this stop us from living our lives" Monica said. "We can't do that to the other children and we can't do that to ourselves. Getting away from New York and everything here might be good for us."
"I'm not sure..." Chandler said, hesitating. "Are you sure we should leave the kids? And are you sure we'd have any use of this trip? We were planning on going with the twins after all, now we're ending up going alone, something tells me that the biggest space will be taken by the missing two..."
"We're going" Monica decided.
"Okay..." Chandler agreed, not up for the fight. "So will you or I double-check where the kids are staying?"
"I can do that" Monica offered. "What was it we said? Rachel takes Bridget, Ross and Erica take Emma and my parents take Anthony and Fran?"
"I'm not so sure that's a good idea" Chandler said. "I don't think we should split them up that much. Bridget and Emma probably want to stay together. Sisterly comfort and all that stuff... they're probably feeling quite unsafe at the moment with everything that's been going on around here."
"Well then what do we do?" Monica complained. "Rachel can't take care of two of our children for a week, not on her own, not when she's got to find time for work as well. And Ross and Erica have Ben as well that week, we can't ask them to take an extra child. And my parents can't take all four."
"So why don't we just stay home?" Chandler asked. "Look, how fun will we be able to have anyway? It would be our first whole week away from the kids and we've both got a whole lot of stuff to work through, dealing with the..." He trailed off.
"The death of the twins, you can say it" Monica said. "Chandler maybe this is just what we need! To get away from being parents and living in this unfortunately not very varied life, to just get to be you and me for a week. That's the way it all started after all. I think maybe we can find our way back to each other--"
"I didn't know we were apart from each other" Chandler cut her off.
"We're not, not that way Monica said. "But come on, this whole ordeal, it threatens to push us apart... Children dying is a very high cause of divorce. Listen, I just think that if we got to be just you and me, just us, we could support each other through this. I could help you with your sorrow and you could help me with mine. And furthermore, I am not going to spend the day that marks one decade since our wedding being sad and miserable, grieving the loss of our two babies. Just this one week I would really like to get away from it all, recharge my batteries..."
"If it really means that much to you..." Chandler said, reluctantly agreeing. He didn't think going away would solve anything, but he didn't want to put her down when she for once seemed to be in a good mood.

"Okay now, hurry up, or Mom and Dad will miss their flight!" Chandler said with a glance at his wristwatch.
He put Francesca's last shoe on and checked to see that her bag was there and packed. He then tied Anthony's shoelaces, ignoring the angry cries from the boy that he could do it on his own, he was a big boy now.
Monica grabbed her jacket and urged Emma to hurry up a little. Bridget, who had been ready for several minutes, sighed deeply from her place on Monica's suitcase. She hated waiting around and her younger siblings always took so long getting ready.
"Is everything packed, is everything in order?" Monica asked worriedly.
"For the eighteenth time, yes" Chandler answered.
Monica hurried off one last time to check that the oven was off, that no candles were left burning and about a hundred other things. Chandler sighed and told her to move it, or they would be late. They had three hours before their flight left and they had to drop of the children first. Chandler expected long and exhausting goodbye scenes, Monica had gotten even more worried about the children since Mary's death. Especially Anthony got quite smothered, she had always been more careful with him, ever since he almost died. Now she was getting close to suffocating him. Chandler figured that if not else, at least the children got a break from her for a week by this trip. Her motherly love was going over the top at the moment.
"Okay, everyone out in the car, Tony you can sit in Mommy's lap, get a move on children or we'll be late."
He grabbed the last suitcase, the one Bridget had been sitting on, and Francesca's bag and walked out to the car with it. The trunk was already filled with bags and suitcases but he managed to stuff two more in there. Bridget was already in the car, she had gotten out as soon as he told them to, she was bored with waiting inside. She had her Walkman on, listening to her music, and tried to get comfortable on the child cushion in the back. Emma got angry that her sister was already in the car, since Monica had to get in as second to be able to sit in the middle where there was no child cushion.
"Mother!" she whiningly said. "Hurry up, I want to get in the car!"
Monica sighed deeply and walked out with Anthony in tow and Francesca in her arms. Chandler took Francesca from her and closed the door, making sure it was locked. While Monica, Anthony and Emma got seated in the back, Chandler placed Francesca in the front baby seat. They had gotten one of those for twins as well, now it would never be used.
Emma, Bridget and Anthony bickered at first in the back seat, until Monica sharply told them to sit still and be quiet. Chandler thought that the only one who seemed to be in a good mood was Francesca. He hated driving with the entire family when hardly anyone was in a good mood.
Their first stop was Jack and Judy's house. Emma had to get out to let Monica and Anthony out of the car, but then she jumped back in the back seat, refusing to come inside and meet her grandparents. Bridget wasn't showing much interest either of going inside, so Monica let them stay in the car. She searched through the trunk, having to remove a couple of bags, before she found Anthony's bag and the bag with Francesca's diapers and bottles. Luckily enough, Francesca's other bag had been easy to get out. She then put everything that wasn't supposed to follow the younger children back into the trunk and closed it. Chandler had by then gotten Francesca out of the car seat and was waiting for Monica with Francesca in his arms and Anthony patiently waiting next to him. Jack came out and helped Monica carry the bags and Judy came out and took Francesca from Chandler.
"Honey," Chandler said to Monica before they followed her parents inside, "make this quick will you? We don't have time for long goodbyes and the girls are waiting in the car."
Monica nodded and walked inside, Chandler in tow.
"We can't stay, unfortunately, we have to go" Monica said to her parents. "Gotta go drop the oldest two off." She bent down and gave Anthony a long hug. "You be good, okay? Mommy's gonna miss you!"
"You'll be back soon" Anthony said, not sounding worried.
"Uh-hu" Monica said, emotional.
"You'll be back tonight" Anthony added.
"No honey" Judy said. "They'll be back in a week."
"How many tonights is that?" Anthony asked.
"Never you mind" Chandler said and lifted him up. "Give your old man a hug instead. I'm gonna miss you too."
"Why will you be gone for more than one tonight?" Anthony asked.
"Because we're going to Europe" Chandler said. "And when you go to Europe, you stay for more than one tonight."
"Why?"
"Because Europe is far away and it takes a while to get there."
"As long as it takes to drive to the city?" Anthony asked.
"Longer" Chandler said. "See, to Europe you go by plane. Remember how I told you about that?"
He jokingly demonstrated by playing airplane with Anthony for a minute, making the boy laugh. Then Chandler gave him a kiss and put him down, and took Francesca from a slightly reluctant Monica.
"Mommy I was an airplane!" Anthony said, and she turned her attention to him instead.
Chandler said goodbye to Francesca and then handed her one of her favourite pacifiers. He felt really bad about leaving her for an entire week when she was so small. He was afraid she would start crying and screaming for Monica, and possibly for him too, and they wouldn't be there. He didn't want her to feel abandoned. He partly wished they had left Emma or Bridget with her instead, since they were older and could provide better comfort for her than Anthony could. He was only five and would probably get parent-sick as well.
"Okay" he then said, deciding that it was best to leave before he managed to convince himself that they shouldn't leave at all. He handed Francesca to Jack and took Monica's hand. "We should get going. We'll call you as soon as we get to Greece, and we'll make sure to call every day."
"Bye Mommy!" Anthony said, waving.
"What about me?" Chandler asked.
Anthony hugged his legs and Chandler lifted him up for one more hug before he handed him over to Judy.
"Now we're gonna go, before Mommy gets too emotional" he said, and led Monica out the door.
Monica looked sad when they went back to the car, but didn't have time to feel low when she had to sort out a disagreement between Bridget and Emma before she could get Emma to get out of the car so that Monica herself could get in. They had finally decided to leave both children with Ross and Erica, and Chandler glanced at the time while driving over there. They had a little over two hours now and he hoped that would be enough.
Once they got to Ross's Chandler told Monica to go in ahead with the girls while he got their bags. She firmly told the children to behave and to stop bickering and walked inside. Ross and Ben were the only ones there, Erica was at work, but that didn't bother neither Monica nor the girls. Both Bridget and Emma loved Ben, and they behaved like little angels when he was around. Monica just hoped they wouldn't bother him too much, he was sixteen years old now and she was sure that two young girls could start getting annoying for him quite soon if they didn't leave him alone.
"Where's Chandler?" Ross asked and kissed Monica on the cheek.
"Getting their bags" Monica said.
"All by himself?"
"They're nine and seven, they haven't yet hit the massive wardrobe state" Monica said. "Plus, there wasn't too much room in the trunk. So it's just two bags and their backpacks, which they're already wearing."
She gave Ben a hug.
"Hey Aunt Monica" Ben said. "You are so lucky getting to go to Europe."
"I've always wanted to see Greece" Monica said with a slight smile. "Especially Athens and Ithaca. You ought to bug your Dad until he caves and gives you a trip to Europe."
"Don't think I won't remember that piece of advice for when your children get older" Ross said.
Chandler came in with the two bags and put them down. He gave Ross a pat on the shoulder and Ben a brief hug.
"Monica we should get going as soon as we can, traffic is already turning into a bitch and we've only got--"
"I know" Monica said. "Either way I think it's smarter if we get going fast. Otherwise I'll turn all weepy."
Monica ended up getting weepy anyway, mainly because both Bridget and Emma turned clingy and didn't want to be left for a week. Chandler told them twice that it would only be a week and they would call them every day, but it didn't seem to do much good. Finally Ben mentioned all the cool presents they would get once Monica and Chandler got back home, and that seemed to change the girls' minds.
Once they had said goodbye they hurried out to the car. Monica noticed that the front baby seat was missing and she gave Chandler a questioning look.
"What happened to the baby seat? Did we leave it at Mom and Dad's?"
"No, I put it in the trunk while I got the girls' bags" Chandler said. "Although we should have left it with your parents. But too late for that now, get in, we're running late."
Monica got in and felt how strange it was to all of a sudden be sitting next to Chandler while he drove. She hadn't been able to do that in a long time, they had had baby seats there ever since Anthony was little.
"So how are you feeling?" Chandler asked as he drove towards the airport.
"Separation anxiety, I have to admit" Monica said. "It's so hard to leave them, especially when they call me Mommy with pleading voices..."
"Well we knew we would have to do this back when we booked this trip" Chandler gently pointed out. "And it's not the first time we've been away from them for a couple of days. They'll be just fine."
"We've never been separated from Francesca" Monica said. "And the last time we were apart from the other three for more than a day, Anthony got sick. Now I know that that has nothing to do with that he was away from us, but I hate the powerless feeling of not being able to protect them..."
"And that feeling has gotten worse after Mary" Chandler stated with a lump in his throat. "Monica are you really okay? You've been acting really strange lately."
"Can we please not do this now?" Monica asked. "Can't we instead talk about what we want to do in Greece?"
Chandler shrugged his shoulders. He wasn't up for the challenge of making her talk about her feelings concerning Mary's death. Because he knew that he wasn't acting like himself either.

Chandler was woken up the next morning, their first in Greece, by Monica kissing him awake. He nearly pushed her away as a first reaction, he was in no mood for making out or having sex, but instead he yawned big and stretched. Monica seemed to be in a great mood, but he knew it was only on the outside. She was too cheerful for it to be real, and he had noticed a strong tendency in her lately to shut her pain inside and put on a happy and careless face. Chandler hated it. Not that he liked seeing her sad and crying, but at least that felt real. This behaviour didn't.
Chandler himself didn't bother trying to put on a happy face. He was depressed and had no strength to hide it. At the moment he felt homesick, weary and he missed the children. Monica's behaviour was annoying him and he wanted to be left alone. He didn't see the upcoming week as anything fun, more like something he had to do. He couldn't believe that was how he would spend his tenth wedding anniversary, but at the time being he couldn't picture him and Monica having any fun when they had buried a child just a month earlier, their second dead child in one year. Since both Mary and Adam had died so young Chandler didn't expect the experience to scar them the way the death of one of their other children would have, but he expected it to take a long time before they got over it.
"Morning" Monica said, in her faked good mood.
"Hey..." Chandler muttered.
"Or, well, morning might not be the word" Monica continued. "It's eleven a.m."
"Well in that case it's around four a.m. in New York" Chandler commented. "They say west-to-east jet-lag is the worst... and I'm fully prepared to agree with them..."
"We can't just lie here all day!" Monica said. "Come on, let's get dressed and go outside! The weather is great, we can go see some tourist attractions or something! Come on, we'd have fun, I promise."
"Could it wait?" Chandler asked. "For at least two hours? I need to sleep a while longer Monica..."
"Well then again nobody said we had to get out of bed..." Monica said mischievously and started kissing his neck.
"Great" Chandler mumbled and closed his eyes to go back to sleep.
Monica continued kissing his neck and then slowly started moving further down. Chandler realized she didn't plan on letting him sleep and he sighed deeply. Monica didn't give any sign of having noticed that. He couldn't figure her out, they hadn't slept together since she'd had the babies and he didn't think this was the best time to start having sex again. He couldn't picture it being very nice and romantic when they were both grieving the loss of children. It had been almost exactly a year now since she had told him she was pregnant again. Their anniversary Tuesday next week. It was Friday now. When they had booked the trip they'd found out that for some reasons you could only fly between New York and Athens on Thursdays but they had decided that it didn't matter. If they flew in on a Thursday and stayed for a week, their anniversary would be like a finally to the week.
"I could just fall asleep right here right now..." Chandler mumbled, discreetly trying to tell her to back off and leave him alone for a while.
"I'll get you more awake" Monica said in a voice that was suppose to be seducing but only sounded forced.
"Can I just sleep for a while longer before we do anything?" Chandler mumbled.
"Fine" Monica said. "I'm gonna go get dressed and go downstairs for breakfast."
"Bring me up a bagel" Chandler mumbled and went back to sleep.
Monica got dressed quietly and left him sleeping. She went downstairs only to find out that the hotel stopped serving breakfast at ten thirty. She sighed and cursed, and then went out to find a supermarket or something else similar. It took her over an hour to find one and shop, so by the time she got back to the hotel they were already serving lunch. She decided to get Chandler out of bed and go eat in the hotel restaurant. She felt a sting of jealousy when she saw a chef hurry by her. It seemed like a million years since she had been working as one herself. But she had made her decision not to go back to the restaurant life and instead work as a teacher and she stood by it. Working at a restaurant would mean working nights, and she didn't want to be away from the children that much.
Chandler was awake when she got back up. He was sitting in a wicker chair with his feet up on another, fully dressed and with a melancholy look on his face. He looked up when she entered.
"Got any bagels?" he asked.
"No, couldn't find any" Monica said. "I had to go out to find a supermarket, since the stupid hotel stops serving breakfast at ten thirty."
"I'm hungry" Chandler said.
"Well then come down to the restaurant with me and have lunch."
Chandler nodded and rose. He helped her unpack the groceries, thankful that their hotel room had a refrigerator, and noticed that she had bought a map as well.
"Anything in particular that you want to go see?" he asked, glancing at the map.
"Yeah" Monica said. "A few stuff from BC. Like that theatre they had..."
"Ross's dream tour, in other words" Chandler said. He hated walking around looking at sites like that. "Maybe we should have gone to Crete instead. I hear Knossos is one of the best places to visit if you want remains from ancient Greece."
"I've already been to Knossos" Monica said. "With my grandparents when I was eighteen. And that story about the Minotaurus creeped me out."
"I'd say any story about a woman having a baby with a bull would freak you out" Chandler said. "Just think what labour must have been like."
"Let's just go downstairs to the restaurant" Monica said and closed the refrigerator door. Chandler's mention of labour made her think about Adam, and she didn't want to think about the twins.

On Monday night Chandler sat alone out on the balcony, looking out over the city. He wasn't taking any of it in though. As far as he was concerned their view could have been of a dumpster. He didn't care.
Monica was asleep inside. He wasn't surprised. She had for some reason decided to run a marathon earlier in the day, which Chandler had thought was a really stupid idea. She wasn't as fit as she had been before.
"At least this gives me some air tonight..." he mumbled to himself.
Monica had made him quite uncomfortable during the week. She had initiated sex every single night, and some of the mornings, and he couldn't figure out why. Neither of them enjoyed it much, at the time Chandler mostly saw it as a way of killing time. And today she had run the marathon. It was almost as if she was trying to prove that she still had the physical strength to do things like run marathons and still have energy left for other things, even though she had given birth to six children and was going to turn forty-two that October. Chandler wondered if it was that, or if it was her way of dealing or not dealing with the pain of losing the children. He wished she would talk to him instead, or at least listen while he talked. He had tried to talk to her during the week about how he was feeling and about his fears, but she hadn't been willing to listen.
"Ten years tomorrow..." he mumbled. "One decade. God, I never thought we would celebrate something that great like this. This whole trip has been bad, tomorrow won't be any different. I wish we were back home."
He went inside and quietly found his cellphone in his jacket pocket. He went back outside and dialled Ross's number. It was eleven p.m. in Greece, but only around four in the States, so it wouldn't be too late to call and talk to the children. He hadn't had the time to call earlier that day.
Erica answered, and he talked to her for a short while before Emma came to the phone. Bridget wasn't there, she was out playing miniature golf with Ross and Ben. Chandler talked to Emma for a couple of minutes, asking her how her day had been and what was going on, and answering some of Emma's questions.
"Daddy?" she asked, suddenly with a small voice. "When are you and Mommy coming home?"
"In three days pumpkin" Chandler told her.
"Can't you come home any sooner?"
"No, we can't" Chandler said. "But it's just three days sweetie."
"Why did you have to go away in the first place?"
"Because tomorrow Mommy and I have been married for ten years" Chandler said. "And we wanted to celebrate that."
"Can't you celebrate at home?"
"Yes, we do that every year. But since it's ten years this year we wanted to do something special, so we came here. Listen sweetie, I have to go, but don't worry, you'll have us home in just a few days, nagging and bossing you around."
"Okay" Emma said.
"Tell your sister hi for me, okay?" Chandler said. "I'll call again tomorrow, if Mommy doesn't. I love you, bye sweetie."
He hung up and called Jack and Judy's to get a word with Anthony. He didn't like calling there, apparently both Anthony and Francesca were parent-sick and he felt really bad each time he talked to Anthony and told him that Monica and him would still be away for a couple of days. There was no answer when he called, so he left a message on the machine and said he would call again tomorrow. He hung up the phone and went to bed.

When he woke up the next morning Monica had an arm wrapped across his chest and shoulders, and she was lying on her stomach, looking at him. The look on her face wasn't the forced happy one she'd had the whole trip so far.
"Hey..." she said with a voice that sounded more like her normal one. It wasn't forced happy either, it was happy with a mix of sad. It sounded like he knew she felt. "Happy anniversary. Ten years."
"Happy one decade anniversary" Chandler said and kissed her gently. She didn't look as happy as she had before, but he felt more happy than he had since Mary died. At least she wasn't putting on an act, just being herself.
"I want you to know something..." Monica said. "This has been the best decade in all my life. So much has happened, and many things have been sad, but the happy things have more than compensated. When I look back, I can hardly remember the bad times."
"It's been the best ten years of my life too" Chandler said and hugged her. "Not as easy as I pictured it ten years ago today, but on the other hand I didn't picture it being this great either."
"Ten years ago we weren't even parents" Monica said. "So many things have happened. Our lives have really changed."
Neither of them said anything more until they'd gotten out of bed and were dressed. Monica went to get some paper and handed him paper and a pencil. They had made a deal right before their wedding day to write each other a letter on their wedding day, and then on every even ten years anniversary. And then they would save the letters and read them together when they got old. Monica had said on their sixtieth anniversary, but neither of them believed they would be alive long enough to have one. They would both be over ninety at that point.
They sat down in different parts of the room and each wrote their letter to the other. It was more of a diary, they wrote down their thoughts, feelings and reflections as well as their hopes for the future. It took them quite some time, and Chandler finished first. He put his letter in an envelope and wrote '2011, 10th Anniversary, Chandler' on it and then handed it to her. She would take care of them until they got back home, and then put them away together with the letters they had written on the morning of their wedding, ten years earlier.
Once Monica was done with hers they went out for lunch and then walked around in Athens for a couple of hours. They got back to the hotel and called the children and then they went down to the restaurant for dinner. They had decided to leave the presents at home and exchange them once they got back, but Chandler had brought the charm for her bracelet, and he gave it to her once they were back up in their hotel room. It was a tiny little porcelain dog attached to a small golden ring, which Chandler attached to the bracelet.
"It's beautiful" Monica said. "Just think of the work with making such a tiny dog in porcelain..."
"And it costs thereafter" Chandler said, giving her a kiss on the cheek.
"You know Chandler, when the charms you buy me cost a lot, you don't need to get me anything else" Monica said. "You know I don't care if all I get is a charm."
She leaned in and kissed him softly, then put her arms around his neck and pulled him closer, making the kiss more passionate. Chandler then broke the kiss.
"Mon..." he said. "Listen, I... I want tonight to be good. Between us in bed, I mean. We've been sleeping together as husband and wife for ten years now, and I don't want the ten year anniversary of the first night we did so to be... well... that the sex isn't good."
Monica nodded and kissed him again. They hadn't had really good sex in over a year now, and if he wanted it to be really good she would help him out. Ever since she had found out she was pregnant again the year before, Monica had been very tense in bed, not being able to relax. And the more Chandler tried to get her relaxed the more she tensed up. And then they had started sleeping together more and more seldom, and by the time they went to Greece it had been six months since the last time. But since she had been pregnant had given birth they didn't really count it as six months.
Chandler lifted her up and carried her to the bed, and they both got undressed and under the covers. Monica knew Chandler was trying his best to make it good for the both of them, but she felt as if there was a barrier that she couldn't break through that kept her from enjoying it as much as she would have before. They both had too much on their minds and too many unresolved issues to be able to enjoy it very much. And at the time, Monica didn't feel like she was interested in breaking through the barrier. She didn't care much about pleasure in bed now, there were too many sorrows in her life for her to be able to feel good about enjoying a great sexlife.
Chandler buried his head in her neck when they were done, and felt more depressed than when they had arrived in Athens. Their anniversary had been a huge disappointment, but he knew it wasn't their fault. Neither of them felt in a very celebration-ish mood at the time. It was too bad they couldn't put up their anniversary for a couple of months.
Chandler didn't sleep well that night. He dreamed a nightmare, but he didn't know whether or not he was actually afraid in the dream. He was in the middle of a storm, a rather calm storm, but he was in the middle of the ocean. He had been onboard a ship, an old wooden ship, that was sinking. The ship was on fire and the whole sky seemed orange, red or yellow, the parts that weren't black from the smoke. He knew Emma was with him, he could see her head, but he didn't know where the others were. He assumed the other children were with Monica somewhere but for some reason he wasn't worried. He wasn't even worried about Emma, who wasn't a very good swimmer, for some reason. It was as if he knew he was going to drown and had accepted it. Then Emma was gone, he didn't know where she had disappeared to, and he started looking around for her. But then somebody grabbed a hold of him and pulled him out of the water, into a small wooden boat. He turned to see who had pulled him out, but before he could catch a glimpse of the person he woke up.
It took him a minute to realize that he was in a hotel room bed in Athens, and not in his own bed back in New York. He shivered and felt very uncomfortable after the dream. He couldn't get the images of the sinking ship and the sky that looked like it was on fire out of his head. He turned to look at Monica, who was fast asleep. He wanted to wake her up and be comforted by her but at the same time he was afraid that she'd push him away.
He swallowed hard and looked at the time. It was too early for him to get up and get dressed, it was only 2 a.m. And he knew he was tired, he could use some more sleep. But each time he closed his eyes he saw the images from his nightmare.
"Get a grip Chandler..." he whispered to himself. "It was just a nightmare. Everybody has them. By the time you wake up tomorrow you will have forgotten all about it. If Monica asks, you won't be able to tell her what it was about because you won't remember."

"Mon!" Chandler urged hours later, shaking her awake.
"What?" she mumbled under the covers.
"It's eleven a.m." Chandler said.
"So?" Monica asked with a yawn.
"So?" Chandler echoed. He shook her harder. "So you have to wake up and take your birth control pill."
He was getting really worried about her. It was definitely not like her to forget about something like that, especially not when he reminded her about what time it was. He put the pill and the glass of water he'd gotten her on the nightstand and sat down on the bed next to her, putting his arms gently on her shoulder and her back, shaking her.
"You can go back to sleep afterward, just wake up for two minutes and take your pill, okay?" he said.
Monica muttered something and then her hand reached out for the glass. She reluctantly opened her eyes and grabbed the glass along with the pill and swallowed it.
"Good girl" Chandler said with a slight smile.
She looked at him, squinting at the bright light, and frowned.
"You're dressed already?"
"Hey, it's only an hour to noon" Chandler said. "And after nine years of being a parent, I've gotten used to getting up early."
"God..." Monica moaned. "How hard is it gonna be to come back home and have to get up early each morning?"
"Oh don't worry" Chandler said. "Soon, we won't be able to get the kids out of bed any sooner than at this hour."
"Yeah..." Monica mumbled. "This week has really gone by fast, hasn't it?"
Chandler didn't know how to react at that comment. To him the week had been far too long, he hadn't enjoyed it much at all. He had been homesick the entire time and he was a bit angry with Monica for not keeping her part of the deal. She had convinced him that they should go, because it would be good for their relationship and they would be able to help each other through the death of the twins. But she hadn't done much to help him through anything and he didn't exactly think it had been quality time. He looked forward to going home the next day, even if he hated having to sit in an airplane for eight hours. Two more days in Athens and he would have gone crazy.

"Mommy!" Anthony cried and ran up to Monica. She lifted him up and hugged him tightly. "Mommy!"
"Hi sweetie!" Monica said, hugging him even tighter. "Oh I've missed you so much!"
Chandler was saying the same thing to Francesca, who he was holding in his arms. Unlike Monica though he didn't just feel happy about being back. He felt guilty for leaving the children for a week, especially Francesca. And he was exhausted, their flight had been delayed and when they had finally gotten to New York their luggage had turned out to be lost. They'd been forced to wait for two hours at the airport before the luggage had been located, it had for some reason ended up on a flight to Miami, and they had to wait another four hours for it to be flown up to New York.
Monica put Anthony down and Chandler handed her Francesca, before lifting Anthony up in his own arms. He gave him a hug and then thanked Jack and Judy for taking care of the two children during the week. Then he told Monica that they should go, he wanted to be back in their own house. And Emma and Bridget were waiting out in the car. Monica nodded and they said goodbye to her parents and went out to the car.
"Chandler maybe I should drive" she said when Chandler started putting Francesca in the baby car seat. "You look awfully tired."
Chandler gave her a thankful look and got in the back seat. Emma insisted on getting to sit in his lap instead of Anthony, and Chandler was too tired to protest even though he thought she was a bit too big to sit in his lap the whole way home. He managed to fall asleep on their way back and Monica dryly noted that for once she seemed to have done something he appreciated. He hadn't seemed to appreciate lately the things she did for him.
Once they got back home she woke him up and told him he had to stay awake until at least eight p.m. or he would wake up in the middle of the night and be unable to go back to sleep. He nodded and then shook his head to clear his mind. He followed her inside, letting her keep track of the children while he took care of taking the luggage inside.
"Did you get us anything?" Emma asked once all their luggage was taken inside.
"Yes we did" Monica said. "We got you a mom and a dad back."
"Oh ha ha" Emma said.
"Not to worry Ems, we got you little souvenirs from Greece" Chandler said.
"Any candy?"
Monica rolled her eyes.
"No, sorry, your dad ate it all."
"Did not!" Chandler protested.
"Anyway, no presents today" Monica said and lifted Emma up. "You can get them tomorrow. Daddy and I are tired. We're making this an early night."
"Aww..." Bridget protested. "How early?"
"Very early" Chandler said. "I bet it couldn't hurt if you guys were in bed early for once too. And remember, the sooner you go to sleep, the sooner tomorrow comes."
"If tomorrow comes" Emma said.
"Huh?"
"Erica has a book called that."
"Sidney Sheldon" Monica told Chandler. "And Emma, I can assure you, tomorrow will come. Scouts honour."
"But can't Emma and I stay up later?" Bridget asked. "At least me? And watch a movie or something, even if you go to bed early. We'll be really quiet and we promise to go straight to bed afterward!"
"The answer is no" Chandler said. "You guys are going to bed before Mommy and me. It's already six o'clock and we should put Frannie to bed."
"Remember though," Monica said to him, "you're not going to bed until--"
"I know, I know, cause then I'll rotate my hours" Chandler said. "Do we have any aspirin? I have a headache the size of Ross and Rachel's track record."
"In the kitchen" Monica said. She put Emma down and lifted Francesca up instead. "Bridget, Emma, go watch a movie right away. You can stay up until it's over. But do not choose a really long one!"
"No children's movies are long" Bridget said. "Come on Emma..."
The two hurried upstairs to search through the cabinet where Monica kept their videos. Monica asked Chandler to take care of the luggage and went to get Francesca ready for bed along with Anthony.
"Mommy why can't I stay up longer?" Anthony whined. "I'm five years old!"
"You don't have to go to bed right away sweetie" Monica said. "But I want you to get ready for bed. Okay?"
She pondered over how quickly she had gotten back to her usual routines once she and Chandler had gotten back to New York. It was as if their week in Greece hadn't existed. Deep down she didn't mind, she hadn't had the best time of her life, but she kept telling herself that she'd had a wonderful time.
She got Francesca into her pyjamas and then sat down to give her something to eat before putting her down for the night. She wished Anthony would come eat something but he refused to, he said he wasn't hungry. She had Chandler go upstairs with sandwiches and milk for Bridget and Emma, even though she usually didn't let them eat or drink in the living room. Chandler looked like he thought she could use an aspirin as well when she asked him to take it upstairs, but he did as she had asked.
Once she had gotten Francesca ready for bed she walked into her room and put her down in the bed. They had gotten her a real bed now instead of the crib, since they had needed it for one of the twins. Monica's father had put up a board to make sure the child wouldn't roll off the bed in the middle of the night.
"Okay, what story do you want to read tonight?" she asked.
"Cinderella."
"Okay."
Anthony showed up in the door.
"Mommy can I help put Fransesca to sleep?" he asked.
"Sure" Monica said, slightly surprised. "If you want to..."
Anthony crawled up next to her on the bed.
"I've helped grandma put her to sleep all week" he said.
"Wow" Monica said and kissed him on the head. "You're such a help to grandma, aren't you?"
"Read!" Francesca demanded.
Monica obediently grabbed the 'Cinderella' book and read it to Francesca. Once she was finished reading it Francesca wanted her to sing to her.
"You want me to sing?" Monica asked. "Honey Mommy doesn't have a very good singing voice... In fact, Bridget forbid me to sing lullabies to her when she was your age."
"Grandma sang" Francesca said.
"I don't know..." Monica said hesitantly. "I really don't sing to well."
"Sing!" Francesca said crankily.
Monica sighed and smiled awkwardly. She reluctantly started singing 'Twinkle, Twinkle' and thankfully noted that Anthony started singing with her. At least that wasn't as awkward. She stopped singing after a few lines though and instead listened to her son, unable to believe what she was hearing.
"Hold on a minute..." she said and got out of the bed and out of the room. "Chandler!" she called out.
"What is it?" he asked from upstairs. "Yes I'm still awake. No the girls haven't spilled."
"Come down here! Now!" Monica called back, ignoring the tone of his voice.
"Coming..." he muttered.
She heard him reluctantly rise and slowly come down the stairs. She grabbed his hand and lead him to Francesca's room.
"I want to show you something" she said.
"And what would that be?" Chandler asked and yawned.
They entered Francesca's room and Monica got back on the bed. Chandler stood next to it, giving her a questioning look.
"Honey" Monica said to Anthony. "Would you sing again? Sing so Daddy can hear."
Anthony looked from one parent to the other and then sang 'Twinkle, Twinkle' again. Chandler stared at him, also surprised by hearing what a singing voice he had.
"When did he learn to do that?" he asked Monica.
"I don't know!" Monica answered.
"What did I do?" Anthony asked.
"Your singing voice" Chandler said and kneeled down to get in level with him. "It's amazing. I never knew you could sing like that."
"Is that bad?" Anthony asked.
"No!" Chandler and Monica said in one voice.
"It's wonderful" Chandler said.
"How come you've never sang to us before?" Monica asked him.
Anthony shrugged his shoulders.
"I wasn't singing to you" he said. "I was singing to Fransesca."
"And you did a great job" Chandler said, glancing at Francesca who was asleep.
"Thanks Daddy."
"Come on, let's get you to your own bed" Chandler said and lifted him up. "And the next time I can't go to sleep you sing me a lullaby. Mommy can't carry a tune, I just get headaches from listening to her."
"Thank you" Monica said.
Chandler left with Anthony and Monica carefully got out of the bed. She placed a teddy bear next to Francesca and turned the bed light off. She turned on the night lamp on her way out, and old Jafar lamp that Ben had had when he was little. She went upstairs and said goodnight to Anthony and then gathered the glasses that the girls had drunk their milk from. She cast a glance at the TV.
"How many times are the two of you going to watch 'Babe 5'?" she asked.
"Enough times" Emma said.
"How many times is Daddy gonna watch 'Die Hard'?" Bridget asked back.
"Way too many times" Monica said.
She went downstairs with the trays. Later on she got Emma and Bridget into bed and then sat down in the dining room with Chandler, on the couch there, to exchange anniversary presents. They were sitting as far away from each other as they could get on the couch, but it was because they had the presents in-between them and the couch was only meant for two people to sit on so they didn't have much room.
"Okay" Monica said and handed him her present. "This one is for you."
"Oh really?" Chandler said, trying to be sarcastic.
Monica gave him a look and he gave her a grin that she recognised as his 'sorry' grin. He opened his present and found a scrapbook.
"Hey..." he said, and turned it over. Then he turned it back again.
"You might wanna open it" Monica said.
Chandler smiled slightly and opened it. The first page had just a picture of the two of them, the first picture ever taken of them, and above it Monica had written down a poem by a poet Chandler didn't recognise and then she had written a comment to him.
"This is really sweet..." he said when he turned the page and found thing she had gathered from the years before Chandler moved in. Things like tickets to a concert Chandler, Monica, Ross and Carol went to right after Monica had gone to college, and a picture of Ross and Chandler taken in Monica's dorm room. Chandler and Monica hadn't hung out much in college, no more times than they could count to on one hand, but she had managed to dig up 'evidence' of these times. Monica had written little comments to each event and each thing she had glued into the scrapbook.
He turned another page and found things from when they had lived across the hall from each other, before London, which covered five pages in total. And then she had pages with things from when they were secretly dating, and then when they were officially dating. She also had a section for when they were living together, engaged, newlyweds and for every other milepost in their relationship.
"Mon this must have taken you forever..." he said.
"I started it two years ago, while I was expecting Francesca" Monica said. "It's been finished for quite a while now."
"Thank you, I love it" he said and leaned in to hug her.
Monica smiled and opened her present. She unwrapped it and opened the carton, and then burst out crying when she saw what was inside. Chandler moved the things that were lying on the couch between them and scooted over to her. He pulled her into a hug.
"I like you better this way..." he mumbled to her. "It's better when you cry. You're just that kind of person Mon. You cry when you hurt. I hate seeing you cry but I know you need to cry sometimes. And Monica it's better for you to grieve this way... You can't fool me, you know that. I know how sad you are. And you can come to me with your sadness, you know you can. It's better that you cry in my arms like this than that you keep all the pain inside and turn bitter and frustrated."
"Is that why you did this?" she asked through her tears, referring to the present he'd given her.
"No" Chandler said. "I felt we had to get this. If not else, to prove that they're part of our family too, no matter what happens."
Monica nodded but couldn't stop crying once she had begun. She hadn't cried a tear since Mary's funeral, she had tried her best to keep up her strong exterior. But if felt really good to cry in Chandler's arms, and she felt closer to him than she had in a really long time.
Chandler held her until long after she had stopped crying. Then they decided to go to bed and get some sleep. It was after ten p.m. and they were both exhausted. Monica went ahead, taking the garbage with her. Chandler stayed behind and placed the two mugs next to the other six in Monica's cabinet. His and Monica's mugs were the biggest, the four mugs that were there since before, with the names of their four oldest children, were a bit smaller. The mugs he had gotten her now, that said Mary and Adam, were baby-size, a lot smaller than the other mugs.
He closed the glass cabinet-door and turned off the lights in the room. He got ready for bed and then got in next to Monica. That night he had the same dream about the shipwreck that he'd had in Greece.

"Monica what the hell is this?" Chandler asked a while later.
Monica looked up at him with a confused face. Then she saw the plate of pills in his hand and her facial expression turned anxious. She slowly put away the stuffed bunny she'd been sowing up a hole in for Emma and rose from her seat. Chandler looked really upset.
"What's what?" she asked, knowing it was lame.
"How long ago were we in Greece?"
"Three weeks ago."
"How many birth control pills should you have taken since then?" Chandler asked.
Monica looked down on her feet, and then back up at him.
"How many Monica?" Chandler asked again. "Surely more than none! There isn't a single pill less on this chart than there was three weeks ago. What the hell is the meaning of this? Please tell me you have some extra plate or something!"
"No Chandler, I don't" Monica said with a resigned sigh.
"Then why the hell haven't you been taking your pills?" Then he figured it out. "Oh God, don't answer!"
Monica felt awkward standing there. She felt like a little school girl having been caught by her teacher doing something she knew she shouldn't. Chandler didn't say anything at first, he just looked angry and upset.
"Damn, it all makes perfect sense now!" he then said. "But I don't want to think this of you. So please tell me that what I'm about to say is wrong. Please tell me I'm wrong in thinking that you've deliberately been off the pill at the same time as you've been initiating sex a whole lot. Please tell me I'm wrong in assuming you're trying to get pregnant again without letting me know about it!"
"Chandler why would I want to get pregnant again?" Monica asked.
"You tell me! Just tell me I'm wrong, okay?"
"I..." she began, then shrugged her shoulders. "I'm not a good liar."
"Oh god" Chandler said. "What the hell? How dare you? How could you do something like this? Excuse me, but I feel I have the right to know if we're trying for another baby! I don't want more children Monica! And you're more than aware! Is that why you haven't said anything about this? God I never thought you would do something like this, force another baby on me!"
"Force?" Monica repeated.
"Well what the hell would you call this?"
"You don't understand" she said.
"What I understand is that you have been trying hard as hell to get pregnant but you haven't bothered to share this with me! Well get this Monica. There is never going to be a sixth childbed for you! I've been thinking for a while now about having a vasectomy and now I've made my decision."
"A vasectomy?" Monica echoed.
"Yes" Chandler said. "It's obvious I can't trust you anymore with the birth control."
"Hey it's just as much your responsibility as mine!" Monica said angrily.
"No, you took on that responsibility when you decided to start with the pill!" Chandler said. "What am I suppose to do, check you every day to make sure you take your pill? If we do get pregnant even if you're on birth control then I take full responsibility for the situation. But if you don't give a damn about birth control then it's all on your shoulders."
"Do you realize that a vasectomy means we're never gonna have children again?" Monica asked.
"I'm forty-four years old, on the forty-fifth" Chandler said. "I don't want to be a parent once more. I'm happy with the children I've got. Don't you ever try to push a baby on me like this again, do you hear? Don't you ever try to manipulate me in this way ever again!"
He stormed off and Monica sat back down. She sighed heavily. He didn't understand. He didn't seem to want to understand either. She hadn't been trying to push a baby on him. She had been trying to get pregnant, but she hadn't tried to manipulate him. At least she told herself that.
It had become like an obsession for her to get pregnant again. She wanted another baby that could replace the two she had lost. Deep down she knew it was ridiculous, no new baby could ever replace her twins, but she had gotten so fixated with the idea of having another baby that she wasn't thinking straight about it. She was convinced that if she got pregnant again she would get over the children's deaths more easily. And she also knew that if she had talked to Chandler about it he would have managed to get through to her and make her see that it wouldn't work that way. That was why she hadn't told him about her wish to have another baby. And if she wasn't pregnant now she wouldn't get pregnant at all. Not if he was having a vasectomy. She wanted to talk him out of it but she knew when he had made up his mind about something he wouldn't budge.

It was late August, and the children, except for Francesca, were up in Bridget's room. They were hiding there, while Chandler and Monica fought downstairs. They had been fighting for quite a while now, probably the worst fight they'd ever had. They were trying to keep their voices down so that the children wouldn't be scared, but they weren't doing a very good job.
"Gosh, you know I am so sick of this!" Chandler said angrily. "How come every time we fight it's my job to give in, my part to admit I'm wrong? Hell you're just as wrong as I am just as often, but yet you never ever take the first step to ending fights or disagreements! It always has to be me and I'm tired of it!"
"Nobody asks you to do that, you can't be mad at me for something you do all on your own!" Monica said angrily.
"All on my own. That's very right Monica. All on my own. You never do anything to help. You just wait until I come to you and solve our fights!"
"It's not my fault we're fighting!" Monica hissed. "I know I've been acting a bit weird but it's because we lost the twins, and if you can't respect that--"
"Well what about my pain?" Chandler yelled. He lowered his voice but continued with the same angry tone. "It's just about you, you, you! Hell they were my children too! Just because you're the mom it doesn't mean you have monopoly on grief! How about you trying to respect my pain?"
"I do respect it!"
"Like hell you do."
"Well you know what, if you can't deal with me when I'm like this then you shouldn't even have married me!" Monica angrily said. "You keep babbling on about how you're the one who solves everything. But you're also the one who starts everything by getting so damn angry with me! I'm sorry for not being the strong person you might want me to be, but if this doesn't suit you then you can just leave!"
"You might be the least strong person in the universe" Chandler replied. "Strong people don't act the way you do. They show their pain, they deal with it and they move on. When are you going to move on Monica? Or at least try to move on?"
"Shut up Chandler!" Monica hissed. "It's not like you've moved on! So don't come here criticising me!"
Up in her room, Bridget wanted to cover her ears with her hands so she wouldn't have to hear what was going on downstairs. She knew what they were fighting about. The twins. Bridget hated the twins. They had been nothing but trouble from day one. Monica had been testy while she had been pregnant, and worried about how she would be able to raise six children, and then the twins had been born and only one had survived, making both Chandler and Monica sad and testy. And then the other twin had died as well, and ever since then it seemed as if Monica and Chandler had done nothing but argue or ignore each other. Bridget hated it. She was scared they would end up divorced. One of her friends' sister had died in a boating accident the year before and the friend's parents had ended up divorced. Bridget had realized what losing a child could do to a couple and her own parents had lost two.
"Why don't they stop fighting?" Emma asked in a small voice.
"Because of the twins" Bridget answered.
"The twins?" Emma echoed. She had started to forget that Mary had had a brother.
Downstairs, Chandler let out a resigned sigh and stormed towards the bedroom, while Monica was in the middle of another angry comment.
"Oh and where the hell do you think you're going?" she asked spitefully.
"I'm leaving, that's where I'm going" Chandler answered.
It took Monica almost a minute to react. She hadn't expected hearing that. But then she hurried to the bedroom and stopped in the doorway when she saw that he was serious. He had pulled out a suitcase from the closet, thrown it on the bed and was now busy packing down clothes.
"Chandler no!" she said.
"Chandler yes" he replied.
"What the hell do you think you're doing, you can't leave!"
"No Monica, I can't stay! I can't stay here right now, you're impossible to talk to, if I don't get away from here soon I'm going to explode!"
"So you're just gonna run away, you coward?" Monica asked.
"I'm no coward" Chandler said. "And I won't go far. But I can't live here with you, not like this."
"Chandler don't you dare go anywhere!" Monica said. "Because if you do..."
"And there it is again!" Chandler said. "You're once again trying to control me. Well it ain't gonna happen Mon. I'm leaving and that's final. We need to get away from each other before we really screw this up."
"We already have screwed this up!" Monica said. She was getting desperate now. She didn't want him to leave. "Chandler please, don't go!"
Chandler didn't answer her, he just kept packing.
"Chandler I'm asking you, please don't leave!"
He kept on ignoring her and she got more and more frustrated and scared.
"Chandler if you leave now then it's over!" she said. "Do you hear me? Over! If we take it so far that we separate, then we'll never work out our problems. We have to work things out living together under the same roof as husband and wife. That's the only way it will work, if you live somewhere else we would never get past the awkwardness and the anger whenever we're around each other!"
"Tough" Chandler said. He closed the suitcase and walked towards the door where Monica was standing. She angrily snatched the suitcase from him. "Monica give me it" he demanded.
"Don't you dare call my bluff" she said.
She fell on her knees and opened the suitcase. She yanked her wedding ring and her engagement ring off her fingers, put them in the suitcase and closed it. She rose again and held the suitcase out to him.
"This is what you take with you if you leave" she said. "Walk out that door now and you won't be welcome back. Walk out and we're not going to be husband and wife when the year is over."
Chandler gave her a pitiful look and took the suitcase from her. She stood frozen when he walked out of their bedroom and closed the door behind him. She could hear faint sounds of him walking toward the door. After a couple of minutes she heard the door open and close. She burst out crying and sunk down on the bed. She buried her face in one of his pillows and cried like her heart would break. She couldn't believe that he had just done that. She hadn't been trying to bluff him, she had meant every word. She didn't believe in making it work if they had separated. If they weren't living together they would end up giving up instead of working through.
After a while she pulled herself together. She thought about the children and that she had to be composed for their sake. She also remembered that it was time to wake Francesca up from her nap. She walked out of the bedroom and over to Francesca's room, making sure she didn't cast as much as a glance at the door Chandler had disappeared through. When she walked into Francesca's room she couldn't find the child.
"Where in the world..?" she muttered to herself.
She checked all the rooms downstairs, looking for Francesca, but couldn't find her. She walked upstairs, starting to get nervous, and looked everywhere for the child. She asked the three oldest ones, who were all in Bridget's room, if they knew where she was. But neither of them had seen her. Monica hurried downstairs, nearly tripping over the suitcase that Chandler had left by the door, and looked around once more but couldn't find her. Starting to panic she ran into the kitchen and grabbed the phone, dialling Chandler's cellphone number.
"Hello" he answered.
"Chandler!" she said panicked. "I can't find Francesca, she's gone! I've looked everywhere, she's not in the house!"
"Of course she's not" Chandler said calmly, but with spite in his tone. "She's right here with me."
"You have her?"
"Yes I have her."
"Chandler please bring her back home!"
"Oh for crying out loud" Chandler angrily moaned. "What, you think I've kidnapped her or something? Aren't I allowed to take my daughter out for the day?"
"Yes but Chandler please come back home with her now!" Monica begged. "Please just bring her home."
"Give me a break, you're unbelievable" Chandler said. "I know what you're thinking. And do you honestly believe that I would take her with me just like that, without bringing any diapers, feeding bottles, clothes, nothing? And what, take her to a motel with me tonight and let her sleep on a mattress on the floor? I'm not gonna punish her for you being a bitch, I'm taking her back before night, don't worry. And no, she's not crying or upset, she's eating ice-cream and is very happy."
He hung up. Monica stared at the phone. She had been really scared he wouldn't come back home with her before night, but it seemed to be pretty clear that he wasn't planning on taking her away from her home. Monica sighed in relief. She walked out in the hall and noticed the suitcase by the door. She hadn't thought about it earlier when she had been so worked up, but now she realized that he had left it there. He had walked out the door, but without taking the suitcase with him. Her rings were still in the house, together with his clothes. She took this to meaning he wasn't planning on leaving for good, possibly not even for the night. She hoped she was right. No matter how angry she was at him, she couldn't stand losing him.
A couple of hours later she was starting to get worried. She was making dinner, at the same time she always made dinner, and Chandler should be home in time for that. It didn't occur to her that maybe he wasn't interested in having dinner at home tonight. She realized with a sigh that he wouldn't come home in time, when she had called out to the children that dinner was served and he hadn't yet walked through the door. Once the children had washed up and come to the table they sat down and ate, and it was unusually quiet. With two adults and three children who were old enough to talk fluently there was rarely a quiet moment at the dinner table, even though they tried their best to teach the children not to talk and eat at the same time.
"Mom?" Emma asked. "Where's Daddy? Isn't he going to eat?"
"He's out" Monica said. "He's eating out tonight."
"Where is Fransesca?" Anthony asked.
"She's with Daddy" Monica explained. She hoped they wouldn't ask any other questions. She didn't know what to say to them.
"Are they coming home tonight?" Bridget asked.
"Of course they are" Monica said, and was happy that she could sound really convincing. She knew for sure that they were coming home. "They will be home in time for Daddy to tuck you all in."

Chandler came home fifteen minutes before Francesca's normal bedtime. Monica hurried up to him and lifted the baby over to her own arms, holding her tight.
"You'd really think that I've been trying to kidnap the poor thing..." Chandler muttered. "Relax Monica."
"I have rarely been so scared in my life!" Monica angrily said. "Finding her bed empty--"
"If you had thought about it for a second you would have realized where she was" Chandler said.
Monica didn't say anything to that. She walked into Francesca's room with the child and sat down in the rocking chair. Chandler had moved it there after Mary's death. She slowly rocked back and forth with Francesca in her arms while she wondered what would happen now. She realized that maybe Chandler was planning on staying away tonight. They had never spent the night away from each other since their wedding, except for when one of them had been at the hospital or when he had been out of town in business. She trembled slightly and wondered what would happen now.
She got Francesca ready for bed and put her down. She was in no mood for dealing with unruly children tonight and decided to put them all to sleep as soon as possible. Neither of the children were happy about that, they all protested wildly, but she managed to get them all into bed.
Once they were all in their beds she walked downstairs to the bedroom and found Chandler there, pushing the suitcase under the bed.
"Wanna say goodnight to the children?" she asked. He didn't answer. "Silent treatment? Is that really mature? You always say I'm immature when we fight, but now you are too."
"I'm not giving you the silent treatment. I just don't think you've said much that's worth a reply."
"That's an immature comment too."
"Fine, then I'm acting immature."
Monica was silent for a minute.
"You staying here tonight?"
"I live here too."
Monica nodded slightly. She didn't know what to say or do. It was obvious he didn't want her to be near, but she wanted to talk to him. Only she didn't know how to begin. Before she could figure it out he walked past her to go say goodnight to the children.
She sighed and got ready for bed, even though it was earlier than when she usually went to bed. She decided that she was too tired to fight again that night, and therefore decided to avoid Chandler. She went into Francesca's room and got up on the bed next to her daughter. She fell asleep almost instantly, even though she hadn't thought she would be able to sleep at all.
An hour later she woke up when she was being lifted up. It took her a couple of seconds to realize what was going on, and when she did she thought about pretending to still be asleep while Chandler carried her back to their bedroom, but then decided not to. He would know she was awake anyhow. So instead she pretended to be drowsy and barely aware of what was going on. He put her down in the bed, on her side, and she felt happy for the first time in quite a while. He was mad, but he was still planning on them sleeping next to each other as usual. He had even come and picked her up instead of just letting her stay in Francesca's bed over the night.
It took her a while to realize that she had gotten him wrong. He wasn't planning on sleeping next to her. He wasn't planning on sleeping in the house at all. She could hear him putting his shoes on in the quiet house and she could hear him getting a few things in a toilet bag to stay away for the night. She got out of bed and walked out to the front door just as he reached for his jacket.
"Leaving?" she asked.
"Did you at any point think I wasn't going to?" he asked.
"As a matter of fact, yes" Monica said. She felt depressed again. "I was hoping you would at least try once more before walking out."
"Your stupid rings are still in the suitcase" he muttered. "I'm going away for the night. But if you threaten me I might stay away forever."
"I wasn't trying to threaten you."
"Good."
"Chandler..." she said. "Do you realize that we have stopped communicating?"
"This is called communication" he said.
"I'm really trying to take the first step here" Monica said.
"You're doing a lousy job."
"Okay fine then!" Monica angrily said. "If that's what you want, fine! But don't come here saying I didn't try! I've done my part, why don't you try to do yours?"
He looked at he for a second. Then he put his jacket on. Monica sighed, resigning to the truth, and went back to their bedroom to sleep there alone. She hated sleeping there alone. She hated it almost as much as she hated fighting with him.
After ten minutes the bedroom door opened and Chandler entered.
"What do you want?" she asked.
"Forgot my wristwatch" he said.
"That's what happen when you don't wear it."
He found his watch and put it on. Then he sat down on the edge of the bed.
"Okay fine" he said. "I'll do it. This time. I want us to talk. I think we need to talk..."
"Communicate" Monica said.
"Yes. We always end up like this when we don't communicate."
"You know what?" Monica said and sat up. "You can just get the hell out. I tried, you didn't care one bit. So why should I care now that you try?"
"This isn't you!" Chandler said. "You're not like this."
"No I'm not!" Monica cried. "And you know damn well why. Or at least you should know. If you could just try to care then maybe this would all--"
"I've tried my best!" Chandler cut her off, sounding frustrated. "But you haven't tried at all to see my pain! You haven't listened when I've talked, you haven't bothered to see what you should have seen! Everybody knows how bad I feel, except you!"
"It's about the twins, isn't it?" Monica said, suddenly realizing. "This has all been about the twins, hasn't it? You blame yourself too..."
"There was nothing I could do for Adam" Chandler said, looking away.
"And Mary?"
Chandler took a deep breath and didn't look at her. Monica was quiet for a minute, waiting for him to say anything. She was about to think he wouldn't either, when he opened his mouth and talked with a voice she hadn't heard him use ever.
"I let her die Mon."
"What?" Monica asked.
"I didn't mean to... but I did."
"What are you talking about, that's insane!" Monica said. She got on top of the covers instead of under them. "You didn't let her die."
"Do you blame yourself for what happened to her?" he asked and looked at her.
"I... no."
"No" Chandler said. "Because you weren't there. You came home and she was already dead. You knew you couldn't have done anything. And you're way too smart to think that it's your fault that she died just because you weren't home. But you said 'blame yourself too'. Adam? It must be Adam."
"Yeah" Monica admitted quietly. "Adam."
"How can you blame yourself for that?" Chandler asked, genuinely confused.
"How?" Monica echoed, surprised to hear him ask that. "He died while I was pregnant! He died inside of me! I was, am his mother and I couldn't even keep him alive for nine short months! Nine months when he was completely safe from anything in the outside world! I was healthy, I didn't bring him some disease that he could have died from. He should have lived, but he didn't. He died, and it was because of me. Because I wasn't a good enough mother. He was dependent on me but he died."
"Monica... Mary was born just fine. So were Bridget, Emma, Anthony and Frannie. It's not your fault that Adam died."
"It is my fault Chandler" Monica said. "Nobody was responsible for him but me."
"You're gonna get mad about this..." Chandler said. "But I'm gonna tell you anyway. You told the hospital people that they couldn't on any condition perform an autopsy on him, but I later gave them our permission to perform one. I didn't tell you because I knew how upset you would get, but I had to know what had gone wrong. And I figured that if I never told you about it then you wouldn't be hurt by it either."
"And why are you telling me this now?" Monica asked, starting to cry.
"Because... they found some things when they autopsied him. His lungs weren't fully developed, and he only had one half of a heart... Some form of foetal malfunction or something, it had nothing to do with anything you did during the pregnancy. He would most likely have died a lot sooner and you'd had a miscarriage but somehow he didn't. He had apparently just been dead for about a week when you gave birth."
"I carried a dead baby for a week?" Monica said, looking disgusted.
"Apparently Mary shouldn't have been born for another couple of weeks, but when your body passed Adam she--"
"Chandler!" Monica cut him off. "I don't want to hear about things like that, okay?"
"Sorry."
Monica was quiet for a second.
"I'll always blame myself for Adam, Chandler" she then said. "I can't help it. But it does help to know that I didn't do anything wrong..." She was quiet for a while again and then looked at him while drying her tears. "So how come you blame yourself? For Mary, I mean."
"If I hadn't fallen asleep..." Chandler said. "I would have noticed that something was wrong. I mean, she was so quiet and... and our children never have been really quiet. They've all been making some kind of noises even in their sleep. I should have realized that something wasn't as it should. And I would have gotten help sooner."
"Oh Chandler please..." Monica said. "Nothing you could have done--"
"You know what the nurse said to me? When I called 911 and I couldn't get Mary to wake up? She said that it was too bad I hadn't called sooner, just fine minutes earlier and--"
"Fine minutes earlier she was probably just fine" Monica said. "It can't take more than five minutes for a baby to die, Chandler."
"Yes, but--"
"Don't blame yourself" Monica said. "Look... Sudden infant death syndrome does exist. Nothing we can do about it. And she probably had at least traces of the things Adam had that made him die."
"That doesn't help me one bit" Chandler said. "I was there. I was sitting right there. I was no more than two feet away from her when she died! And I didn't do anything. I slept!"
"Exactly" Monica said. "You were asleep, how could you have known? It's not forbidden to sleep Chandler, you can't blame yourself for that. And what's to say you could have done something even if you were awake?" She paused for a second. "So that's why you've been so distant, huh? You've been blaming yourself."
"Yes of course I've blamed myself!" Chandler said. "And it's hard to get over it."
"I know" Monica said. "For both of us... God, why do we always take everything out on each other, huh? When we need each other the most we act like we're enemies."
"Monica why did you try and force another pregnancy on me?" Chandler asked. "I never got to know."
"Because I wanted another baby" Monica said. "Simple as that. I for some reason thought that another pregnancy and another baby would if not replace the twins then at least give me something else to focus on."
"You have four children alive, focus on them!"
"Look, I know it was really stupid of me" Monica said. "But I wasn't thinking straight. I really went nuts there for a while."
"Look Monica..." Chandler said. "It doesn't bother me that you wanted another baby, it bothers me that you tried to trick me into giving you one. Because that's what you were doing honey. You were off the pill without telling me and you were sleeping with me more often than you have in the past... I don't know... five years."
"Well it doesn't matter now" Monica said grumpily. "I didn't get pregnant and you got a vasectomy."
"Yes" Chandler said. "But don't you ever try to pull something like that on me again, Monica."
"I won't" Monica agreed.
"Good..." Chandler said. He took his shoes off and started getting ready for bed. "Now go to sleep, we can talk more in the morning."
"So you're not going anywhere?"
"I don't see the point of going anywhere."
"Great..." Monica said with a slight smile.
Chandler nodded and got himself ready for bed. That night he had the nightmare about the shipwreck again.

In September Monica started working again. She had gotten a job as a home-ec teacher through Alice Bouffet, Phoebe's sister-in-law, who was a home-ec teacher but was going to retire. Alice was almost sixty years-old and she had decided to retire and spend as much time as she could with Frank Jr and their triplets. She had heard Monica was a home-ec teacher now and had recommended her, and Monica had gotten the job. She was really excited about it, she hadn't worked for real since Anthony had been small.
Her first week had been tough though, since she hadn't been away from the children too much and she kept wondering if they were okay. Bridget and Emma were in school anyway and Anthony was at kindergarten, but Monica worried anyway. Bridget and Emma got off school earlier than Monica's working day was over, and then there was Francesca. She managed to get the three of them in at day-care at the same place Anthony's kindergarten was located but Emma and Bridget protested wildly.
After a couple of months, Monica was starting to worry about her and Chandler. They hadn't been fighting much since their big fight that almost led to them separating, but that wasn't the problem Monica was worried about. Ever since Chandler had found out she had tried to get pregnant without telling him about it, he hadn't slept with her. He had barely even touched her, and Monica didn't know what to think. Especially since in almost every other way he was acting just as normal. He was just as affectionate with his words as she was used to him being but he didn't show her any physical affection. She was getting worried, wondering what was wrong. He had never been good at continence yet now it had been five months without him wanting to have sex. Monica felt too shy to insinuate sex, she was afraid he would reject her. And she felt too shy to ask him what was going on. She had never felt shy when it came to sex and Chandler, which made her even more confused now.
She decided after a while to try and discreetly turn him on or at least get his attention, by doing things like sleeping in negligées instead of T-shirts. She felt really silly thinking about it, but by now she was starting to lose patience. She wanted to know what on earth was wrong and she hoped he would tell her if she only got him to the point where he really wanted to have sex. But then she realized what on earth she was doing, and felt really silly. It wasn't like her to do something like that, and the more she thought about the situation the angrier she got, both at Chandler and herself. Mad at him for not wanting her and mad at herself for letting it show that she wanted him but didn't dare to show it. So she decided to do the exact opposite of what she had planned at first, to show absolutely no interest at all in sex.
It didn't take more than a week until it worked. She could see it in his face when she got into bed next to him. He was looking with her with eyes that told her exactly what he wanted. She hadn't seen that look in his eyes for over a year now, their sexlife hadn't been as active as usual since she'd gotten pregnant and when they'd slept together it had mostly been as if they only did it because married couples are suppose to have sex. But now she could tell that he wanted her. She completely ignored it and opened the book she was reading.
"Mon?" he said.
"What honey?" she asked.
"I was just thinking..." he said. "You know, it's been a while..."
"A while since what?"
"You know what I'm talking about. A while since we had sex."
"True" Monica said and turned the page. Her disinterest really seemed to have an effect on Chandler.
"So..." he said and scooted closer. "Is that a good book?"
"It's 'the Emigrants' actually" Monica said. "I was at the school library yesterday and I figured I should read the book that we named our youngest daughter from."
"How far have you gotten?"
"Not far. They've just gotten married."
"I remember our wedding" Chandler said and kissed her on the cheek.
Monica kept in a smile. Her method was working better than she'd expected. But she wasn't going to give in that easily.
"I know you remember our wedding" she said. "If you didn't, I would kick your ass."
"And I remember our wedding night..."
Monica couldn't help but laugh. Chandler looked insulted.
"What's so funny?"
"You are" Monica laughed. "Have you really forgotten how to seduce me, or are you just entertaining me?"
"That hurt" Chandler said, but only half serious. "And it's not my fault you're too busy reading to have time to watch me pull my more elaborate seduction plans."
Monica laughed and put the book down.
"Feel free to elaborately seduce me!" she said.
Chandler ignored the teasing tone in her voice and leaned in and kissed her. Monica knew as soon as he put his left hand on her breast that she wouldn't be able to pretend that she didn't want sex any longer.

Chandler felt more content than he had for a long time afterward, when they were resting together. It had been amazing, and he had felt like he couldn't get enough of her. He was planning on initiating a second time once they had rested for a while. But he did need to rest first. He felt too relaxed to even move a muscle, but he loved the feeling. He hadn't been completely relaxed with her for quite a while.
Monica wasn't as content and relaxed. She couldn't relax completely until she knew why he hadn't touched her in so long. She had longed for him but she had been afraid of taking the first step. She had been afraid he would associate it with how she had initiated sex a lot earlier that year, wanting to get pregnant. She knew that he was just as aware as she that she wouldn't be able to get pregnant after his vasectomy but she didn't want to bring back any unpleasant memories. Now she wanted to know what had been going on the past months.
"Chandler..." she said.
"Mmm, what is it?" he asked, kissing her on the top of her head.
"How come it's been so long? Why haven't you wanted to touch me?"
"I've had my reasons..."
"And I have a right to know what they were."
Chandler was quiet for a second, thinking over what he really wanted to say to her. Then he spoke.
"At first I didn't want to touch you. I was so mad at you. For the trying-to-get-pregnant thing and for the whole thing that was going on between us this summer. And after that it just didn't feel like we were in a place in our relationship where we could have good sex based on love. We had nearly separated after all. And it didn't feel as if we had solved anything, more like we had just decided to let things be. And then, I don't know. I just... sort of didn't feel the lust."
"Something I did?"
"No... Not really..." Chandler said with a thoughtful voice. "I think I was scared. I mean, the sex we've had this year hasn't been good at all. You know it and I know it. I guess I was scared that we would have sex and I wouldn't enjoy it, and I would know that you weren't enjoying it."
"And did you enjoy it now?"
"What a question..." Chandler said with a laugh. "It was among the best between you and me. Ever!"
"Good" Monica said with a smile. "And maybe from now on we can make use of our old rule to talk to each other."
"Sure thing babe" Chandler said. "But before we do that... I'm feeling a certain need to make up for everything we've lost during these months."

"Grandma?" Liam's voice said, waking Monica up. "What are you doing in here? We've been looking for you."
"Just had to get away..." Monica mumbled.
"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you..." Liam said. "But Mom's been worried."
"She doesn't have to worry about me" Monica said. "I'm just an old lady who needs to sleep every once in a while."
"So how are you doing?" Liam asked, sitting down next to her on the bed.
"No offence honey, but I don't want to talk about it" Monica said, sitting up. "I just want to go home."
"But the reception is not ever yet."
"I need to go home" Monica insisted.
"Okay..." Liam said.
He rose and went to get his mother. Emma appeared a couple of minutes later, looking troubled.
"Mommy..." she said. "Why do you have to decide to go home? It's the middle of the reception, Daddy's reception, and--"
"Daddy's reception was fifty-two years ago" Monica said. "His and mine wedding reception."
"Mom, this is still his reception."
"Whether or not it is I'd like to go home."
"People will think--"
"They can think whatever they want to think. I think that these things are sick. And wrong. And I don't want to be part of it a minute longer. I'll grieve my husband in privacy, not among friends and family who mostly just stop by because they were invited. Now take me home!"
Emma sighed and gave in. She went and got her coat and then helped Monica get her things. She drove her back to the apartment where Monica and Chandler had lived the past five years. She felt a bit unsure about leaving Monica alone, but she insisted on Emma going back.
Emma followed her inside and told her that Anthony would come by after the reception to check on her. Monica nodded and told Emma to get back to the reception. After Emma left, Monica walked into hers and Chandler's bedroom. In the closet she found what she was looking for. A box filled with letters. She opened it and found six letters of her own in the top. Under them were six letters by Chandler, written for her. She had already read the first two, one the day after his death and the other the day of the wake. She opened the third letter, written to her on their twentieth anniversary. She came across a revelation that shocked her completely.
"This can't be true..." she whispered.
She read further and found that it was true. She couldn't believe it. She hated it. And she hated him for it. She wanted to crumple it up and throw it away, but something stopped her from doing so. But for the first time since she had cut Chandler's toe off she felt she hated him.
"How could you..." she whispered.
She took a deep breath to clear her head. She told herself that she had just misread something. After all she was old and her eyesight wasn't the best in the world. And she was very emotional after the funeral and her mind was probably fooling her in some way.
"Because this just can't be the truth" she said. She looked at a photo on the nightstand of Chandler. "Could it?" she asked the photo.
It didn't answer her and she looked down at the letter again. She took a deep breath and took her time reading through the first couple of sentences. So far she had read it right. She hated that. She wanted to find out she had read every word wrong.
"It can't be the truth, right?" she asked the photo.
She tried to feel his presence, Phoebe had always said that dead people were present, and that they stayed with the people they loved. But she couldn't feel a thing. She had never believed in ghosts and spirits anyway, but during the funeral she had been sure she had had some kind of comfort from him. But she felt no comfort now. She had seen him being buried just hours ago and now she had found out a truth that she almost thought was worse than that he was dead.
"I don't want to read this" she said. "I don't want to. I really, really don't want to. What if I didn't read it wrong? Chandler how could you?"
But she decided that it was better to know for sure whether or not it was true, than to sit here and guess. She started reading again and the more she read the more she realized that it was actually true. She couldn't read more than a few paragraphs before she had to stop. The pain was too much and the shock was too overwhelming. And the feeling of hatred towards him was too scary.



I doubt anyone who has read this far has no thoughts or comments whatsoever, so please either leave a review below or send me an e-mail at annapanna__@hotmail.com (with 2 underlines, not 1). Constructive criticism is welcome, so is anything positive anyone might have to say. If there's something you don't like then let me know.