I decided to change my plans a little, and I made this part shorter than it was supposed to be. It's pretty dull, not much happens in it, it basically just covers a few years filled with a whole lot of nothing =). I don't own the characters and events from "Friends", one bit is inspired by the movie "Nothing to Lose" (I love that movie!) and I've gotten a lot of ideas from mainly Tracey but also Ashlee, so thanks to you two! And also, I have no idea what kind of fish they have around New York, so if they catch fish who don't actually belong there that's because I went with the kind of fish we have over here.
Monica had wondered earlier what would be the point of continuing the traditional Sunday dinners when Chandler was gone. And now she was positive that it was a bad idea to have them at all. She knew that people who had lost a family member often said that all old traditions seemed odd when there was someone missing, and now she knew it was true. Even though she was very mad at him she had known it would be strange and awkward to get together for a family dinner with someone missing. She sighed and wondered what Christmas would be like this year.
She looked around the kitchen table at the children, who all seemed very busy eating their food. Then she looked out the window. It was early May, but still very cold. Nobody seemed to notice that though. Usually during these dinners the mood was cheerful, they would joke around a lot and recap what had happened during the week. But this time hardly anyone said a word, and when somebody did there was rarely a reply.
The children shared looks and then glanced over at Monica, who had been silent throughout the entire dinner. She had gotten a bitter look on her face when Emma had mentioned Chandler, but it wasn't the type of look they had expected. They had expected sadness, not bitterness.
"So Mamma…" Francesca tried, hoping that her mother would talk to her. "How are you holding up?"
"I don't want to talk about it" Monica said.
"Are you sure Mamma?" Francesca asked. "Because you know you can talk to us…"
"I don't want to talk, Francesca."
"Sorry then Mamma…"
She shared a look with her siblings. Neither of them dared to try. If Monica had refused to talk about it when Francesca asked then there was no way she'd talk about it when one of the others asked. Francesca had always been closer to their mother than her siblings had been.
"Could we please just talk?" Anthony said after a while. "I can't stand this damn silence…"
"What do you want to talk about?" Bridget asked.
"Anything at all… Just as long as we talk."
"Mitch and I cancelled our vacation plans" Emma said.
"Why?" Bridget asked.
"Because I didn't feel like going anywhere right now" Emma said. "I'm not very good company at the moment…"
"Okay" Anthony said.
Nobody said anything for a couple of minutes. Then Bridget sighed.
"Come on mother, the least you could do is talk to us" she said.
"I'm not very good company right now either" Monica said.
"Then why did you come here?" Anthony automatically replied. "Sorry, force of habit... Dad would have said it..."
"Talk to us anyway, Mom!" Bridget said.
"I'd rather not, dear" Monica said.
"You're starting to scare me mom," Emma said, "you're not gonna keep this up are you? Because I don't think I could go through that right now."
"No, I'm not going to keep it up" Monica said. "But I don't feel I have anything worth saying at the moment."
"Are you kidding me?" Emma said. "Mom, you're probably the only one of us who has something worth saying… You have tons of things that you could tell us about dad, tons of stories and stuff like that."
"I don't want to talk about him!" Monica said angrily.
"Mom" Bridget said. "You know, we lost our dad… We're sad too…"
"And believe me," Anthony said, "we know how you must be feeling."
"Yeah, we know you're really sad" Emma filled in.
"I'm not sad" Monica said.
"Say what?" Francesca said, raising an eyebrow.
"I said that I'm not sad" Monica said.
"Come on Mamma…" Francesca said.
"I'm not sad, and that's the truth" Monica said. "I'm angry. "
"Angry?" Bridget said. "At who?"
"Chandler" Monica said.
"Why are you mad at Dad?" Emma asked in a defensive tone.
Before Monica could answer, Anthony cut in.
"She's not mad mad, she's another type of mad" he said. "Almost everyone feels like that when someone close to them dies…"
"No Tony, I am mad mad" Monica said.
"You just think you are."
"You don't think I know what I'm feeling?" Monica angrily asked. "Excuse me mister, but I am mad and for a damn good reason that has nothing to do with him dying!"
The children looked at each other questioningly and then looked at Monica again.
"Mom…" Bridget said. "What on earth are you talking about?"
"Nothing you need to concern your heads with" Monica said.
"Yes we do!" Emma said. "Come on Mother, if dad did something that you're mad about then I think we have the right to know!"
"No Emma, you don't" Monica said. "What went on between him and me is nobody's business but ours."
"Yes but I don't get it!" Emma said. "Up until the funeral you were just sad! Not mad, just sad! I didn't know you were mad before he died either! And if whatever this is about was something that you were able to set aside while he was still alive then why are you mad about it now?"
"Because I found out after his death!" Monica said.
"Found what out?"
"The truth" Monica said.
"And what is the truth?" Bridget asked.
"There's no need for you to find out" Monica said and rose from her seat.
"We disagree" Emma said.
"Emma…" Francesca said. "Just let her be…"
"No Fran!" Emma said. "What did dad do, what is the truth, what did you find out?"
"Please Emma don't push me" Monica said and closed her eyes hard. "I don't even want to think about it, let alone tell his children about it!"
"Tell his children about what?"
Monica left the room, wishing she could storm out but well aware that she was a bit too old for a manoeuvre like that. The children watched her go and then shared yet another look. Neither of them could figure out what on earth was going on.
"I want a divorce" Chandler said.
"Oh…" Monica said. She didn't know what else to say.
"I… don't even know how this all… started…" Chandler said, carefully watching her. She was sitting on the bed with him, just an arm's reach away. Her face seemed blank. "I guess it started when I moved to Los Angeles, and we spent so much time away from each other. I mean, it was… was like getting my youth back or something. Remembering what it was like to live only for yourself again. And that's when I started thinking… And you were so far away, I hardly saw you at all. And I don't know, I guess I grew used to being apart from you. And now… now I don't want to go back to living with you."
"Oh…" Monica said again.
"Yeah, you kinda'… You kinda' annoy the hell out of me" Chandler continued. "I mean, it's always nagging and whining and complaining…" He took a deep breath. "I'll be taking the kids with me to Los Angeles, of course. Don't even think of trying to win a custody battle. No judge in this country would leave four children in the care of a reckless nag like you. And I'm sure the children will agree with me that being as far away from you as possible would be the best for everyone."
Monica burst out laughing, making Chandler do the same.
"You are so twisted" she laughed. "Let me try…"
"Are you sure?" Chandler said. "I mean, you have to keep a straight face, you can't laugh…"
"Oh please, nobody has a better poker face than me!" Monica said.
"Sure, that's why you lost $800 in Atlantic City last spring."
"The guy cheated!" Monica objected.
"Okay, okay, so do you wanna try?" Chandler asked.
"Oh yeah I do" Monica said and took a deep breath. She looked away for a second and then looked at him with a very serious look on her face.
"There's something I've been meaning to tell you" she said.
"Really?" Chandler said, playing along.
"Yeah, things have… kinda' changed around here since you went to Los Angeles."
"Changed?"
"Yeah…" Monica said. "You know that whole 'keeping yourself only to him, forsaking all others' stuff? Well I've pretty much thrown that to the wind."
"What do you mean?"
"You know Bob next door?"
"Yeah?"
"Well, him and I have been together much lately, and… the baby's expected in October. Naturally that part was an accident, but the rest so wasn't!"
"What… are you trying to say here?" Chandler asked, pretending to be confused.
"Well, actually the whole thing started once I broke it off with one-handed Steve across the street. I was a bit sad, Bob came over, and before I knew it he was shoving you down to a lower position on my list of the best guys I've slept with. Now you're pretty much fifth, behind Bob, Steve, some stranger I met on the subway…"
"And who is the fourth?" Chandler asked.
"Joey" Monica replied.
Chandler burst out laughing and Monica cheered.
"I am so the best!" she said. "Chandler, you couldn't beat me no matter how hard you tried!"
"You better be making all this stuff up" Chandler said through his laughs. "Or else I'll pack my stuff and go back to LA."
"You do that and I will sleep with Bob next door" Monica threatened.
"Just come over here!" Chandler said and pulled her closer. "My first night back home in New York I expect something very good out of you."
"And you'll get it" Monica promised with a grin.
"Dark! Dark! Dark!"
Chandler and Monica both woke up and sat up in bed when they heard the cries later that night.
"It's Fran" Chandler said.
"No kidding" Monica said and got out of bed. "I wonder what's wrong. Maybe her nightlight went out or something."
"Nightlight?" Chandler asked, putting his robe on.
"Yeah" Monica said, putting on hers as well. "She's afraid of the dark."
"Geez, you go away for thirteen short months and you miss everything" Chandler muttered as they hurried to Francesca's room.
"Honey?" Monica said, pressing the light switch by the door as they walked inside Francesca's room.
"It's dark!" Francesca cried.
"Now it's not anymore" Chandler said and lifted her up. "What's the matter, did your nightlight go out?"
Francesca nodded and Monica went to get another light bulb. Chandler calmed Fran down and wondered how long she had been afraid of the dark. She hadn't had any problems during the summer in Los Angeles, so she must have developed her fear sometime during winter. He wondered if it was Halloween that had scared her off from the darkness.
"Here we go" Monica said, returning with the new light bulb. She quickly fixed the nightlight and turned it on so that Francesca could see.
"There we go honey" Chandler said and put her back down in her bed.
"What if it goes out?" Francesca asked.
"Hey, I'll tell you what" Chandler said. "I'll go get you my nightlight and put it here in your room. So if your light goes out again, mine will still shine."
"But won't you be scared without your light?" Fran asked.
"I think Mommy will be able to protect me if anything comes along" Chandler said.
He went and got his nightstand lamp and placed it on the writing desk in Francesca's room. When both his light and the nightlight were on he and Monica said goodnight to Francesca, turned the main light off and started going back to their room.
"Mamma!" they heard Francesca cry.
"God, she's gonna end up waking the others" Chandler said.
"I wonder what she wants?" Monica said and went back.
"Mamma what if both the lights go out?" Francesca asked.
"They won't honey" Monica said.
"But what if?"
Monica lifted her up from her bed.
"You know munchkin, how about you sleep in the bedroom with me and Dad tonight, huh? And I'll keep both you and Dad safe if something comes along."
"Okay" Francesca agreed.
Monica closed the lights and carried Francesca back to the bedroom where Chandler had just gotten back into bed.
"Do we have a visitor?" Chandler asked.
"I'm family, not visitor" Francesca said.
"You should be asleep" Chandler said as she crawled down next to him.
"You both should be asleep" Monica said and turned the lights off.
Francesca didn't complain about the dark and Monica and Chandler shared an amused look before they went back to sleep. Chandler was really tired, he had gotten back to New York earlier that day and he was suffering from jet-lag. Monica wasn't as tired, but she went to sleep just a few minutes after him anyway. She was so happy that he was there with her, and that he wouldn't have to go back to LA ever again.
"Hey Mom" Bridget said, entering the kitchen along with a friend.
"Hey honey" Monica replied. She was busy making dinner. She looked up and saw Bridget's friend. "Hi, I'm Bridget's mother" she said to the girl.
"Jo" the girl said.
"Are you staying for dinner?" Monica asked.
"No, thank you" Jo said.
"Okay then... Bridget, do me a favour, take this up to Dad" Monica said and handed Bridget a cellphone. "It's been beeping several times now and I don't know what to do with it."
"Someone's sending him SMS" Bridget said. "And may I congratulate you mom to being the only person in the world who doesn't know that."
"Just bring it to him, okay?" Monica said, not liking the comment.
"Where is he?"
"Up in your brother's room."
Bridget sighed and shrugged her shoulders. She disappeared up the stairs together with Jo and went over to Anthony's room. She found not only Chandler but her siblings there, and she wished she'd showed Jo her room and asked her to wait there. Chandler was lying on the bed with part of a blanket covering his face from the nose and up. Little eyes and a nose were drawn on his chin and Bridget's siblings were sitting by his head, therefore seeing his chin and mouth as a head. Chandler was in the middle of telling a fairy tale, and the children were laughing at how funny it looked. It wasn't the first time Bridget had seen that, Chandler usually entertained them by telling stories in that way, but now she felt it was embarrassing.
"Dad, what are you doing?" she asked.
"Ah, I think I hear the voice of Bridget!" Chandler said. "I can't see you though."
"Maybe because there's a blanket over your eyes" Bridget said, doing her best to sound superior.
"Could be" Chandler said.
"Mom told me to bring your cellphone up" Bridget said and walked over with it.
Chandler sat up and lifted the blanket off him. He took the phone and placed it his pocket, and then frowned.
"Where on earth have you been, you smell like shit!"
"We've been at the stable," Bridget said, "looking at Jo's horse."
"And I take it she's Jo" Chandler said with a nod to the girl in the doorway. "Hi I'm the father" he added and then turned to Bridget again. "Just make sure you shower before dinner, Mom's gonna have a fit if you sit down to eat smelling like that..."
"You really shouldn't talk when you've got eyes and a nose drawn on your chin" Bridget said. "Hey Dad, can I have a horse?"
"Of course you can" Chandler said and lay back down.
"Really?"
"Sure! As soon as you turn 18 and can pay for it yourself."
Bridget made an angry sound and left together with her friend. Chandler kept in a sigh. He hoped the horse thing would blow over, but knowing Bridget she might keep asking for a horse for a very long time. She had shown interest in horses before, but Chandler hadn't thought it would turn into a serious interest.
"Come on dad, continue with the story!" Emma demanded.
Chandler went back to the story but his mind was elsewhere. He hadn't liked the tone in Bridget's voice, and he hadn't liked her friend with the snotty look on her face either. He mentioned it to Monica later that night when they were in bed.
"Come on Chandler" Monica said with a slight laugh. "She wanted to impress her rich friend and she obviously didn't think you were putting on an impressing performance."
"Well she's never thought that about my way of storytelling before" Chandler said.
"Yeah, but on the other hand she's not nine anymore either" Monica said. "She's probably just getting in the phase where she wants to be adult."
"She's eleven" Chandler pointed out. "Far from being an adult."
"So?" Monica said. "If she was an adult she wouldn't have to try to be one. And you know, most kids go through some phase where their parents are the most annoying people in the world. Soon she's gonna get angry at you because she thinks you're too slobbery when you eat."
"I'm not slobbery when I eat!"
"Oh please..." Monica said.
"Changing the subject..." Chandler said with a sigh. "What are we gonna do for our anniversary? It's not even a month away..."
"Yeah I know" Monica said. "I was thinking that since it's on the same week as the children have a week off from school, we could let them go visit your mother or something, and we can have the house to ourselves for a week."
"I'm not sure..." Chandler said. "I've been away from them long enough. Besides, don't you think dumping them with my Mom is kinda' cruel?"
"No Chandler, dumping them with my Mother is cruel" Monica said. "And it's just a week honey. Come on, it would be nice to be just you and me for a couple of days..."
"Okay" Chandler reluctantly agreed. "Just a week though."
"They've got school, remember?" Monica said with a slight laugh. "They have to be back in a week or they'll miss school."
"Francesca doesn't have school" Chandler pointed out.
"You want her to stay longer?" Monica teased.
"I think it's scary that she's almost four years old already" Chandler said. "I mean, it wasn't that long ago she was a baby, was it?"
"The twins would have been two years" Monica said distantly.
"I wish they were alive" Chandler said. "I bet they would have been really charming children..."
"At the age of two very few children are charming" Monica said with a smile. "Two-year-terrorist, you know."
"Something else I can't believe is that we've soon been married for twelve years" Chandler said. "Not to mention that we've been together for fifteen."
"And we have a kid that's lived for more than a decade" Monica added. "Creepy if you think about it..."
"Yeah" Chandler agreed. "Just seven more years and we'll have a child in college."
"No use thinking about it" Monica said with a grin. "Now is now and the future is, well, in the future."
"Aren't you a wise woman?" Chandler said with rolling eyes.
"The near future is the month of May" Monica said. "I'll call your mom tomorrow and hear if she's got any plans or if she can take the kids for a week."
"I'll bet Bridget will get angry" Chandler said and kissed her on the cheek. "If she gets mad at me for the way I eat, she can get mad at you for planning their break without asking them first."
"Oh don't worry, I know how to handle her" Monica said. "I've gotten lots and lots of practice while you've been away."
"I envy you" Chandler said.
"So the twelfth anniversary, what is that?" Monica asked. "Coal?"
"Nope" Chandler said. "But don't think I'm planning to tell you what it is..."
"Hey Mom?" Bridget said the following weekend. "How much does a horse cost?"
"A lot" Monica said, taking cookies out from the oven.
"How much?"
"I don't know... Depends on the animal... Several thousand dollars."
Bridget sighed.
"Well if you don't give me anything for Christmas and my birthday until I turn eighteen then can't I get a horse this Christmas?"
"No sweetie" Monica said. "Horses cost a lot, not just to buy but to keep. Stable, food, all the riding stuff..."
"I could take a job and help!" Bridget said.
"Honey, you're eleven" Monica said. "You can't get any jobs that would earn you enough money. Why would you want a horse, anyway?"
"Because I love horses!"
"I've never heard you breathe a single syllable about horses until earlier this week!" Monica said.
"Well I do love horses!" Bridget said. "Can I have a cookie?"
"Yeah, but you've gotta wait for them to cool a bit first" Monica said and put the second batch in the oven.
"Mmm... I smell something wonderful..." Chandler said, entering the kitchen. "Now, it couldn't possibly be Mom..."
Monica playfully smacked him on the arm.
"That must mean that what I smell is freshly baked cookies!" he concluded.
"Congratulations, you've won a toaster, what colour do you want?" Monica said.
"Seagreen" Chandler said.
"Dad how come I can't have a horse?" Bridget asked.
"Because you had to choose the most expensive pet there is" Chandler moaned.
"Can we have any pet at all?" Bridget asked. "Everyone has pets except for us! We don't even have a lousy hamster!"
"We never knew you wanted a hamster" Monica calmly said.
"How about a dog? Huh? Or a cat!"
"I'm allergic to cat hair sweetie, you know that" Monica said.
"Well a dog then?"
"Dad hates dogs" Monica said. "He always has."
"God..." Bridget moaned. "You know, people like you shouldn't be allowed to get married and have children together. Cat people should marry cat people and dog people should marry dog people. It saves the children a whole lot of suffering."
"Sweetie if Mom and I hadn't been allowed to get married and have children you wouldn't exist" Chandler said. "And I would be very unhappy."
"Like you love me that much..."
"Who said anything about you, I was talking about Mom!" Chandler said and grinned at her. He grabbed two cookies and tossed one to Bridget.
"Bridget, honey, a dog isn't just something you can buy and then forget about" Monica said. "Would you be willing to get up early every morning to walk the dog for example? And you know, we wouldn't be able to go on any trips because the dog wouldn't be able to come if we wanted to go by plane."
"Typical parent excuse" Bridget moaned.
"Excuse me, we would never use typical parent excuses!" Monica said, deeply offended. "Daddy and I happen to be much more easygoing than other parents!"
"You wish" Bridget said. "Mom you clock us kids every morning to make sure we don't take more than twenty minutes between when we get out of bed and go out the door to go to school."
"I do that out of concern!" Monica defended herself.
Bridget and Chandler shared a look. Then Chandler grinned.
"Ah..." Monica said with a big smile. "Seven days without our children, just you and me baby..."
Chandler smiled slightly.
"And of course my work."
"Do you have to go to work?" Monica whined.
"Yes. At least on Thursday and Friday."
"But our anniversary's on Friday!" Monica whined.
"I know" Chandler said and gave her a kiss. "But I'm all yours in the morning and after work... Plus you can feel free to take advantage of me all the other days of the week."
"Oh believe you me, I will" Monica said. "By the way, don't forget that Ross, Erica and Ben are coming over for dinner on Wednesday night."
"Right, won't forget!" Chandler said. "Can you believe how big Ben is?"
"No, it seems too strange that he just turned eighteen!" Monica said. "Auntie Monica's little boy..."
"Little big boy" Chandler said.
"Still. God, it feels like it was yesterday he freaked out and started crying because you were asleep in my bed when he was tired and wanted to go to sleep..."
"And he's not the only one who's freaked out and started crying when finding out you and I are together" Chandler said.
"Yes, but Ben did it quite intensely" Monica said. She smiled at the memory. "I remember it as if it were yesterday... It was just after our nine month anniversary. You had come over to hang out and you had a major headache."
"Right, and you gave me a couple of Advil and tucked me in... in your bed. On the side you used to make me sleep on, before I moved in."
"Right" Monica said with a smile. "And Ben always slept in that half of my bed when he went to sleep in my apartment. And Ross came over later asking me to baby-sit Ben for him. And when Ben was going to bed, in his pyjamas and everything, he went into my bedroom to get into bed but found you on 'his side'."
"And he started crying, waking me up" Chandler said. "Not the nicest way to be woken up, I might add. Especially when it's not your kid."
"Yeah, but you were quite out of it" Monica said. "I wasn't even sure you were awake. I remember I told you to roll over to my side, while I explained to Ben that you were my boyfriend now."
"And then he wouldn't talk to me for three weeks" Chandler said. "Come to think of it, I shouldn't like Ben too much."
Monica playfully slapped him on the arm and sat down on the couch. He sat down with her and she leaned against him while she continued her trip down memory lane.
"I remember how reluctant he was to go to sleep that night, after he'd found you in my bed... And I also remember how when I went to bed later on you were still asleep. I didn't want to wake you up..."
"So you decided that climbing over me would be the best way of not waking me up?" Chandler asked.
"I wanted to be in-between you and Ben" Monica defended herself. "In case he would woke up! And boy were you cranky..."
"Well my head felt like it was filled with enough cotton to make Scarlett O'Hara save her Tara without the help of anyone else."
"Well it only took you about five seconds to put your arms around me" Monica remembered with a smile. "It actually ended up quite cosy."
"Maybe for you" Chandler said. "But not for the man with the insane headache or the child who had just been scarred for life!"
"Oh come on, it wasn't that big a deal!" Monica said with a smile. "He was only four, after all. Just a few months older than Francesca is."
"And we were 'newly in love'" Chandler said with a smile.
"I know it sounds crazy, but that night I actually kinda' pretended that you and I were married and that Ben was our son..." Monica said. "But I never dared to mention that to you, since I figured you'd freak out."
"I probably would have" Chandler said. Then he sighed. "God I miss that apartment... No place has ever felt as much as home as that apartment did."
"I don't like this house too much, to be honest" Monica said. "I don't know why... I would just like a place with a few more rooms."
"Hey maybe we can move our old apartment here!" Chandler suggested, sounding dead serious even though he wasn't. "Like above the garage or something! And you and I could live there!"
Monica giggled.
"Sure we could..." She paused and sighed. "We decided to move in together in that apartment..." she said. "And it was our first home that was our home together. We got engaged in that apartment. Bridget was conceived there and spent her first four years there. Emma was also conceived there and spent her first years there. Anthony was conceived there too."
"Some of our best times was there" Chandler said.
"And our friends... We were so much closer to our friends when we lived there. We sort of lost touch after we moved. I miss living across the hall from Rachel and Joey" Monica whined. "And having Ross just across the street..."
"And Central Perk just below" Chandler added. "God, we haven't been there in at least six years."
"And we used to go there every day" Monica said.
"Gunther must really miss us" Chandler said. "I wonder what he's doing now."
"Probably owns the place by now" Monica said.
"No, I think Central Perk went bankrupt when we weren't there to bring in 90% of the money."
"I wonder how much money we wasted there" Monica said.
"'Wasted'?" Chandler echoed. "Excuse me! It wasn't wasting money!"
"Chandler have we even been to any coffee house at all the past years?"
"No" Chandler said. "I think the last time was right after you had Tony."
"I don't even recognise our lives now, sometimes" Monica said. "Compare our lives now to our lives then..."
"Yeah, four children would change your live" Chandler said and rolled his eyes slightly.
"I don't just mean that..." Monica said. "We're both different now."
"Yeah. You're more easygoing for one thing."
"Oh I am, am I? I thought you guys called me a crazy military for my morning routine of clocking everyone."
"Well you're still more easygoing now compared to how you were."
"God I must have been awful!" Monica said.
"Yeah, you were..." Chandler said. "But that was part of why I fell so in love with you." He kissed her lovingly and rose. "Come on now. I'll make us coffee and we can go sit outside on the porch swing. Continue talking out there."
"Okay..." Monica said with a smile. "That sounds perfect."
On Wednesday night Ross and Ben came over for dinner. Erica hadn't been able to make it, she had been forced to work. Neither Monica nor Chandler minded, even though they really liked Erica they preferred seeing just Ross and Ben. It felt more like the old days.
"So Ben, how does it feel now to be eighteen?" Chandler asked once they had started to eat. "Sick and tired of grownups asking that question?"
"Oh yes" Ben said with a slight smile. "Mostly because there's no good answer. It feels just like being seventeen, only now Dad and my Moms are nagging me to get my drivers license all the time."
"I'll leave that up to Chandler when our kids turn eighteen" Monica said. "I'm going to focus on nagging about college."
"Oh, right, have you decided where you want to go?" Chandler asked, with his mouth full of pasta.
"Yes, actually I have" Ben said nervously.
"You have?" Ross said. "How come you haven't shared this news with me?"
"Maybe he chose not to go to NYU" Chandler suggested and reached for the salad.
"He never even thought about going to NYU" Ross said with a sigh.
"I would love to say that you should let him go wherever he wants" Monica said and smiled at Ben. "But I know I want my children to stay close to home when they go to college!"
"So where is it you want to go?" Chandler asked Ben. "The Pacific University in Hawaii?"
"Please tell me Ivy League" Ross said.
"Actually..." Ben said. "I was planning on going to go to theology school."
"To what?" Chandler asked.
"Theology, the science of god... basically..." Ross said. Then he paused. "Wait a minute, you want to go where?"
"I've decided I want to become a priest" Ben said.
"Don't you mean a rabbi?"
"No Dad, I mean a priest" Ben said.
He looked nervously at Ross and then he looked at his aunt and uncle. They were both eyeing him and Ross, Chandler had spaghetti hanging from his mouth since he'd paused in the middle of a bite, and Monica just looked nervously at Ross. Ben hoped they would help him out. He knew his father preferred Judaism over Christianity and that he'd spent years trying to get Ben interested in it. But Ben knew what he wanted to become, even though he knew it would be letting down his father, and he hoped his aunt and uncle would support him. At least Ross wouldn't be able to start lecturing him about why Judaism was much better than Christianity when Monica and Chandler were present.
"You, son, you'll never be able to get married" Ross said through laughter, in the typical way he said things when he was disapproving of something and didn't want to make it too obvious.
"Not a catholic priest, dad" Ben said.
"Why do you want to be a priest?" Ross said, changing pace and just seeming upset.
"I think it's great" Monica said, rewarded by a thankful smile from Ben. "Come on Ross, if that's what he wants to do then let him do it! It's too late for you to convert him now anyway."
"Yeah, just be glad he's not a monk" Chandler said with a smile and continued the bite he had paused.
"Dad, you know I never cared much for the Jewish stuff anyway" Ben said. "Grandma totally supports me, so do Mom and Mom..."
"And Aunt and Uncle" Monica said.
"Thanks sis, big help" Ross said sarcastically, then turned to Ben. "Look, son--"
"Ross..." Chandler said. "Just let him... Okay?"
"Oh god..." Ross moaned.
"You'll survive this Ross, be strong" Monica said with faked drama.
"Dad this is what I want to do... Everyone used to tell me when I was a kid that I should follow my dreams and never let anything get in the way of them."
"That's just bullshit that grownups say because it sounds really nice" Ross claimed.
"Well you said it and you can't take it back now" Ben said. "You told me never to let anything stop me when I knew what I wanted. Now I know what I want, and I won't let you stop me."
"And hey, if this theology thing doesn't work out you can consider politics" Chandler said. "I'll bet that speech you just made would impress voters."
"Chandler" Monica said.
They finished the rest of their meal in silence. Ross was upset but didn't want to show it, even though they all were aware. And Ben was upset over his Dad's disapproval, while Monica and Chandler just felt awkward. They were both grateful that Chandler had to get up early to work the next day, which meant that Ross and Ben couldn't stay too late.
"Mon?" Chandler called out on Friday when he got home. "Sorry I'm late!"
"Late?" Monica said from the kitchen. "You called me and said you were on your way two hours ago, I've been worried sick!"
She came out to the hall to let him know he shouldn't scare her like that, but stopped in her tracks when she saw him.
"Well this took a bit longer that expected" he said. "Happy anniversary, honey."
She continued to stare at him as he let the puppy he was holding down on the floor. The puppy was some form of larger terrier, a beige kind, and it's tail was wagging like crazy. Monica knelt down and the puppy ran over to her. She started patting it with a grin on her face.
"Chandler!" she said. "What is the meaning of this, huh?"
"He's yours" Chandler said and took his coat off.
"Mine, huh?" Monica said, and started talking in baby language with the puppy. "Aren't you the sweetest little thing on four legs?"
"Yeah. He's your twelve years anniversary present." Chandler came over and knelt with her, giving her a kiss. "And he's the reason I'm late."
"Aww, you brat!" Monica said and kissed him back.
"Brat?"
"First thing that came to mind!"
"They said his name's Chopin" Chandler said, nodding to the dog. "But we can change it easily. Sounds pretty nerdy, doesn't it?"
"Does not!" Monica said. "It's adorable! What kind is he? Some form of terrier, right?"
"Yes, a soft coated something. Wheaten, I think. Soft coated wheaten. I'm not sure."
"He's adorable!" Monica said. "Thank you so much!"
"So you like him?"
"I love him!"
"Check around his neck, sweetie."
Monica grabbed the collar and found a small pouch attached to it. She took it loose and checked inside of it.
"A butterfly, huh?" she said when she held up the small charm.
"A silk butterfly, to be more specific" Chandler said. "Twelve years is silk anniversary."
He attached the charm to her bracelet and she gave him another kiss. The puppy barked and Monica broke the kiss with a giggle.
"Oh I can't kiss him, huh?" she said to the puppy.
"If that's the way he feels he goes back to the breeder" Chandler said.
"No, don't take him away!" Monica said, and kissed Chandler again. "He's so precious! I love him, thank you so much!"
"I was actually hoping you wouldn't like him too much" Chandler said. "Because I realized in the car on my way back that I should have gotten a smaller kind. A lapdog or something. Like a Shetland ship."
"Oh come on, this dog doesn't get that big, does he?"
"A bit smaller than a golden retriever, I think" Chandler said.
"Perfect size then" Monica said and rose. "Now come on, Mr I-come-home-late-on-my-anniversary. I've got something for you too."
"Oh and what's that?"
"Nothing as nice as a dog..." Monica said and walked into the kitchen, followed by Chandler and Chopin. "And not as expensive either. But here you go."
She handed him a small present and he opened it. She had gotten him a Rolex watch. He held it up and gave her a look.
"If this isn't as expensive as the dog you either think I bought a very expensive dog or this is a cheap copy."
"No it's real..." Monica said and took his old watch off.
"Well thank you" Chandler said and put the new watch around his arm.
"What?" Monica asked.
"Nothing."
"No, something... What's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong... " Chandler said. "It's just that I've been wearing my old watch since we got married."
"And it's been in the shop like eight times!" Monica said. "Come on, after twelve years you need another watch." She giggled slightly. "If you want, I can throw in the latest baby tooth Anthony lost..."
"We have a deal!" Chandler joked.
"Thank you so much, sweetie!" Monica said and placed her hands on his cheeks, giving him a kiss. "I love the dog!"
"You're welcome" Chandler grinned.
Monica let out a content sigh that evening as she and Chandler slowly danced together to one of their favourite ballads. The dog was lying on the floor by the door, watching them as they danced. Monica gave Chandler's shoulder a kiss and let out another sigh.
"Fifteen years..." she said. "Fifteen years together. Married for twelve. That's pretty much one third of my life."
"Weird, isn't it?" Chandler said. "It used to feel like you'd spent an eternity looking for someone to love and marry, and what could it have been, ten years or so? I know I didn't look for anyone to spend my life with until I was around twenty. And still it feels as if I spent much more time trying to find The One than I've spent being married to you."
"Yeah..." Monica said. "Then again, I started searching for the man I would marry as soon as I was old enough to understand what marriage was."
"That hasn't exactly rubbed of on the kids" Chandler said.
"Good, that means I'm nicer than my Mom" Monica said and giggled. "She used to tell me all the time when I was little that I had to find someone to marry."
"And so she spent the money for your wedding on a beach house..." Chandler added.
"Oh shit!" Monica said, sounding ready to panic.
"What?" Chandler said. "You knew that already."
"We haven't started saving for our daughters' weddings!" Monica said. "Oh god, they're all gonna end up having to get married here in our living room, dressed in my old wedding dress, with a cake I made!"
"I wouldn't think that's too bad" Chandler said with a laugh. "In fact I think it could be kinda' cosy."
"Chandler, please."
"I'm serious" Chandler said.
"Well it's no excuse not to start saving up for their weddings! Oh damn, and there's three of them too!"
"Relax..." Chandler said. "Honey none of them are old enough to get married yet. I mean, please Fran isn't even four yet! I'd like her to be just my daughter for a few more years before she finds herself a man and gets married."
"Yes but Bridget is eleven, just think, seven years from now she might be engaged!"
"Stop with the panic..." Chandler said. "We can worry about that tomorrow. Tonight let's think about our wedding. In case you've forgotten, our wedding was twelve years ago today."
"Our wedding was nice, wasn't it?" Monica said, suddenly emotional instead of panicking. "Wasn't it?"
"Oh it was more than nice..." Chandler said and gave her a kiss. "And it was the most nervous day of my life."
"Oh really?" Monica said. "Mine was when I went into labour for the first time!"
Chandler laughed.
"Then you should know how nervous I was the first time I was left alone with Bridget for a couple of hours... I was begging her not to get hungry, not to do anything that would force me to change her diaper... Basically I was begging her to be nice to Daddy and just sleep nice and quietly. Which of course didn't happen."
"I found it quite amusing that you used superglue to get her new diaper on" Monica said with a giggle.
"Of course you found it amusing" Chandler said with a scoff. "You had just bought a video camera and got to try it out by filming me when I tried to get that diaper off!"
"I still have that tape" Monica said while laughing.
"I'm surprised it never ended up on 'America's Funniest Home Videos'" Chandler said with a sigh.
"Damn, you should have said that earlier!" Monica said. "Before they cancelled 'AFV'. I should so have sent it in!"
"Oh cork up and dance" Chandler said.
Monica smiled and did as she was told. Another song was playing now and she closed her eyes and dreamed away.
Two days later their children came back home, and Monica couldn't keep the smile from her face when Chopin came running to greet the newcomers. Bridget was thrilled and more or less dove over the puppy, while Emma got scared and started crying, Anthony started to bicker with Bridget over who would get to pat the dog the most, and Francesca just stared at the puppy.
"Calm down you guys" Chandler said and lifted Emma up. "He's not dangerous" he assured her.
"She's just like you, she hates dogs" Nora said. She gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I have to run. Julio is waiting in the car."
"Julio?" Chandler asked.
"Oh didn't I tell you? He's my new close personal friend."
"Just let me know that you're marrying him before you marry him" Chandler said with a sigh, hoping this Julio wouldn't be his fifth stepfather.
"I can't believe you bought me a dog!" Bridget said as Nora left.
"He's my dog, sweetie" Monica said. "An anniversary gift from your father."
"She gets a dog for being married to you while I don't get an animal for surviving to the age of eleven?" Bridget asked Chandler.
"Well Mom does more for me than you do" Chandler said. "Come on now Emma... Don't you want to try to pat him?"
"No!" Emma said firmly.
"I wanna see the doggy" Francesca said. "I want to pat him!"
"Just be careful, you don't want to hurt him" Monica said, carefully watching as Francesca clumsily patted the dog.
"What's his name?" Bridget asked.
"Move over Bridge, it's my turn to pat him!" Anthony angrily said.
"No it's not!" Bridget said.
"No fighting" Monica said.
"You sure you don't want to pat him?" Chandler asked Emma.
"I do not want to pat him!" Emma said.
"Not even try?" Chandler asked.
"She's a wuss" Bridget said.
"No I'm not!" Emma said and started to cry harder.
"She's just a little afraid" Monica said. "Like you're afraid of spiders."
"But this is a dog!" Bridget said. "A cute puppy! Not a disgusting spider!"
"She's still afraid of him. It will probably pass" Monica said.
"It better" Bridget said and glared at her sister. "Don't mess this up so we have to give him away!"
"He scares me!" Emma complained.
"You can pat the dog later" Chandler said. "It's okay."
"What's his name?" Bridget asked again.
"Chopin" Monica said. "And he's only seven weeks old."
"Hear that Fran?" Bridget said. "Now you're not the baby anymore."
"Yes I am" Francesca insisted.
"Do we live in chaos or what?" Monica asked Chandler who rolled his eyes. "Now everybody goes to their room to unpack!" she said to the children. "Chopin is going to be here for quite a while, you'll get tons of chances to pat him and walk him... Right now you need to unpack your things."
"And you can tell us all about your trip over dinner" Chandler said. "Now get a move on, everybody. First one to unpack all their things wins the prize!"
"What prize?" Bridget immediately asked.
"Being guaranteed not having to do the dishes" Chandler said.
"Yikes, two minutes back home and they're talking about kitchen duty..." Bridget said and moaned. "Can the dog sleep in my room?"
"No" Chandler said. "Now hurry up and unpack!"
Chopin landed on the bed with a thump, waking both Chandler and Monica up. Neither of them opened their eyes, and Monica reached her hand down and tried to pull the quilt over their heads. She was lying on top of Chandler and the quilt had by now ended up by her waist. She felt cold in her negligée and figured Chandler must be more cold. She tried again to pull the quilt up and then realized that the dog was lying on it.
"Chopin get down" she mumbled, too sleepy to sound demanding.
The dog obediently jumped down and she pulled the quilt up over her head, making it cover Chandler up to his neck. Chopin grabbed part of the quilt that was hanging down from the bed and started tugging on it, while growling playfully.
"Chandler..." Monica mumbled. "The dog needs to be walked..."
"I bought him for you, he's your dog..." Chandler mumbled back. "Chopin stop tugging the quilt."
"Go tell one of your children to walk the dog" Monica mumbled. "Your firstborn, for example."
"She's never awake at these hours on a Saturday" Chandler mumbled back.
Monica sighed deeply and rolled off him. She rubbed her eyes and then got out of bed, grabbing her robe and Chandler's slippers.
"Come on then, doggy..." she said to Chopin. "Backyard."
Chopin eagerly followed her outside and she got a bit more awake once she stood out in the backyard pondering on how long she would let Chopin be out before she called for him and went back inside. It was quite chilly out, fall had started early this year and it was one of the coldest Septembers she could remember. They had had the dog for four months now and Bridget had very quickly become attached to him. Her interest had cooled down though during summer and she had gone back to talking about getting a horse. Emma was still uncomfortable around the dog, and Anthony was annoyed that Chopin didn't do as Anthony wanted him to. Francesca loved the dog, but Monica was scared of letting her near him. She had had her fourth birthday a couple of days earlier and Monica was worried that she was too young to be near the dog. Chandler told her it was nonsense and that animals had patience with small children, but she didn't dare to take any chances.
"Chopin!" she called out and the dog came running back to her. "Good boy. Now let me go back to sleep, would you?"
She walked back inside and crawled back into bed. Chandler rolled over and put an arm around her.
"Geez, you're cold!" he complained.
"Some of us didn't have the luxury of staying in the warm bed" she said.
"What time is it?"
"Six" Monica said and yawned. "We really need to teach that dog to hold it until a least eight!"
The phone rang.
"Who the hell?" Chandler moaned. "Is there a conspiracy going on here? Aren't we allowed to sleep past six?" He rolled over and answered. "Hello?"
Monica drifted off to sleep again as he continued to talk, but woke up again when he got out of bed.
"What are you doing up?" she complained. "Where are you going?"
"I have to work" Chandler said, pulling his pants on. "They just called from work. Some jerk as embezzled like $400 000!"
"What?" Monica said and sat up.
"Yeah. We've been suspecting it but now they actually caught the guy. An hour ago, apparently."
"Who the hell catches embezzlers at these hours?" Monica whined.
"The wonderful people with whom your husband makes a living" Chandler said and yawned. "Chopin get down, I am not interested in throwing your stupid ball."
"But honey..." Monica whined in a yawn. "It's early. On a Saturday. You promised Anthony you'd take him to the batting cage."
"I don't think the people at my work cares about that honey" Chandler said. "Look, with any luck I'll be home around noon."
Monica moaned and rolled over, pulling the pillow over her head. Chandler finished dressing and pushed Chopin away, then walked over to her.
"Hey" he said, lifting the pillow. "I'll see you soon. Don't snore too loud or you'll wake the kids."
He gave her a kiss on the cheek and left. Monica went back to sleep.
Five hours later Monica had just told Anthony for the eleventh time that she didn't know when Chandler was going to be home, and she wondered if she should call Chandler and ask if he knew when he would be back. She sighed deeply when she heard two or three of the kids coming running down the stairs. She told them at least once a day not to run in the stairs and she was just about to tell them again when she heard one of them slip and fall. She hurried out to the hall where Francesca, the one who had fallen, had started to scream loudly.
"Are you okay?" Monica asked her and kneeled down beside her, directing an angry glare at Anthony and Emma who had stopped when Francesca had fallen.
"Mamma!" Francesca screamed and Monica decided that she was not okay. It took a lot to make Francesca call for her parents when she had hurt herself.
"Come here, let mamma see" Monica said and turned her over.
She heard Emma gasp and Anthony start to cry, and she felt pretty shocked herself. Francesca had blood all over her face and when Monica took a closer look she noticed why. She had bitten right through her lower lip.
"What's going on?" Bridget asked, coming out from her room and looking down the stairs. "Did she fall?"
"I've got to take Fran to the hospital" Monica said.
"No!" Francesca protested.
"Yes!" Monica insisted.
She lifted her up, ignoring the loud cries from Francesca, and carried her to the kitchen where she put her down on the counter next to the phone. She called their next-door neighbour and asked her to watch the other children while Monica took Fran to the hospital. She would have preferred calling one of her closer friends, but she couldn't wait for them to get there. And Mrs. Smith next door had two children of her own and Monica had left the children with her a couple of times before.
"Come on now, we're going over to the Smiths" Monica said to the children and lifted Francesca up again. She was screaming so loudly that Monica could barely hear her own voice. "Kids!" she said louder. "Don't just stand there, walk down the stairs and put your shoes on! We're going to the Smiths!"
"The Smiths?" Emma said.
"You're going to stay there while I take Fran to the hospital."
"No hospital!" Francesca screamed.
"You have to go to the hospital!" Monica said. "You can't look like this! You have to go to the hospital and maybe to the dentist!"
"No!" Francesca screamed.
"Hurry up!" Monica said to the other children, who seemed shocked and scared and did as they were told.
Monica rushed them out the door, still carrying Francesca, and followed them next door. She only said a short hi to Mrs. Smith and then hurried to the car. Francesca screamed louder again when Monica tried to put her down in the front seat and put a seatbelt on. Francesca looked terrible with blood all over her face, and Monica realized she should have brought something to put against the wound to keep it from bleeding too much. She closed the car door so that Francesca wouldn't get it into her head to get loose and leave the car, and then she ran inside and grabbed the first kitchen towel she saw. She hurried back out and got in the car. She reached over to put the towel to Francesca's mouth but the child screamed louder yet again and waved around her.
"Calm down!" Monica said. "Calm down, okay? Mommy has to drive, okay? Could you do mamma a favour and hold this towel to your mouth? Please sweetie?"
She finally managed to get the child to hold the towel to the wound, and she noticed that several people had come out of their houses and were looking at them. She angrily drove off, wishing they would mind their own business.
Once they got to the hospital Francesca wasn't screaming as much anymore, she was more just sobbing. But when Monica tried to lift her out of the car she protested loudly. Monica sighed and almost forcefully lifted her out, then slammed the car door shut and locked the car. She hurried into the ER with Francesca and thanked her lucky star that she had called 911 from the car phone and told them she had a bleeding child in her car and what hospital they were on their way to. Rachel had recently had a brief affair with a doctor, who had told them that it was a good idea to call the hospital and tell them you were coming if you had a real emergency situation, because otherwise you might have to wait for hours until you got help. And to Monica, a child bleeding from having bitten through her lip was considered a real emergency.
Chandler arrived an hour later, and by that time Francesca had gotten her wound glued together, and a dentist had decided to pull out three of her front teeth that were quite loose. She had screamed and protested the whole time, but by now she was just sobbing in Monica's arms. The doctor was on his way to check on her and give her something for the pain, and some instructions to Monica over how to take care of the wound. Monica looked up when Chandler came through the door, but Francesca only started crying harder.
"Shh, don't worry" Monica whispered to her. "It's dad."
"Hey..." Chandler said and gave Monica a kiss on the head. "Are you okay, Fran?"
"No!" Francesca insisted.
"How bad is it?" Chandler asked, looking really worried.
"She bit right through her lip" Monica said. "She was running in the stairs and she tripped and fell..."
"Aww, poor baby..." Chandler said and stroke Francesca's hair. "We've told you not to run in the stairs."
"I'm so sorry!" Francesca sobbed.
"Shhh, that's okay" Monica said gently. She looked up at Chandler. "A dentist came and pulled out three of her teeth. They're baby teeth so she'll get new ones of course... But it might be a while. He suggested that maybe we'd get her some form of fake teeth or something, so she can eat."
"Can she eat solid food now?" Chandler asked.
"I don't know."
"But she's fine other than what you've said?" Chandler asked, still sounding really worried. "Nothing broken?"
"My lip!" Francesca said.
"They gave me such a scare at work..." Chandler said to Monica. "We were in a meeting with the police when my secretary came running in, sounding really panicked, going 'Chandler, Chandler, your daughter's hurt real bad, she's at the hospital' and some other stuff that really had me freaked... Plus, there was no mentioning of which daughter was hurt real bad, so all the way over here I've been wondering which one."
"Why couldn't it have been Emma?" Francesca asked. "She was running down the stairs too, pappa."
"The other three, are they fine?" Chandler asked.
"Uh-hu" Monica said. "They got scared, but other than that there's nothing wrong with them."
"They got scared?" Chandler said and rolled his eyes.
"Tony and Emma did have front-row seats, you know" Monica said. "I left them with the Smiths. Becky was home, luckily enough..."
"How funny, since housewives are never home" Chandler said sarcastically.
Monica sighed. His quippy side had faded out quite a lot since they had gotten married, but he still had the ability to come with annoying sarcastic remarks at the worst times.
The door opened and the doctor who had treated Francesca entered, looking through some chart.
"Okay, now..." he said and looked up. "How are you doing, Francesca?"
Francesca didn't answer, she hid her face in Monica's chest and sobbed. She didn't want the doctor to go anywhere near her, he had frightened her enough earlier on when he had had to touch her lip to examine it. Chandler kept in a sigh. Anthony was afraid of doctors and had been ever since he was little and had had the infection. Now apparently Francesca was scared too. The doctor gave her something for the pain and instructed them on how to take care of her during the upcoming weeks. Then he gave Francesca a sticker which she angrily accepted but from the looks of it didn't love too much.
"Oh damn!" Monica said, stopping in her tracks on their way back out to the cars.
"What?" Chandler asked.
"Mamma my lip still hurts" Francesca whined.
"Chopin!" Monica said. "I totally forgot about the dog when Fran got hurt!"
"You mean you left a seven month old dog alone in the house?" Chandler asked. "Well nothing we can do about that now... Aside from cleaning up from the accidents I'm sure have happened... But it's no big deal."
"How could I leave the poor little thing like that?" Monica said.
"Because you had a bleeding child, remember?" Chandler said. "Now listen honey..." He grabbed her by the arm and led her outside to the parking lot while talking. "I've gotta go back to work and see how this whole embezzler story ended up. Take Fran home, take care of poor Chopin and I'll be home as soon as I can okay?"
"Yeah okay" Monica said reluctantly. She had forgotten that he had a problem at work that needed to be solved and therefor couldn't come back home with them.
"I'll be home before you know it" he said and gave her a kiss. "I'll see you soon, sweetheart" he added to Francesca, kissed her on the head and then hurried off to his own car while Monica put Francesca in the passenger seat.
"Chandler..." Monica said that night and rolled over to him, putting a hand on his arm. She knew he wasn't sleeping. "I can't go to sleep."
"It's only ten p.m., that could be why" Chandler said. "Or it could be because you have an oversized puppy on your feet! Chopin get down, for the last time, you can't sleep on the bed!"
The dog jumped down reluctantly and went over to his basket in the corner. Monica sighed and shook Chandler's arm to get his attention again.
"Honey..."
"You want me to open a window?" Chandler asked, knowing she had trouble sleeping if she was warm.
"No, it's not that..." Monica said. "I don't know what it is... Or I know what it is, I just don't know... why I... Okay, so I know nothing."
"Good, that means you've not changed over the years" Chandler said.
"Oh brother..." Monica moaned. "Bad time for one of those comments."
"I couldn't think of any better joke at the moment..." Chandler sighed. "My god, what has happened to me? I used to be the comical genius, now I'm lucky if I can tell a joke right!"
"Yeah, you suck at that all right" Monica said.
"Thanks."
Monica didn't reply. She wanted to talk to him about why she couldn't sleep, but she didn't know what to say. She didn't know how to explain it. She just couldn't stop thinking about what had happened earlier that day. She had been calm the entire time she had been with Francesca at the hospital, but now she was less calm. It had been a scary experience for her, even though she didn't want to admit it. What she had the most trouble getting out of her head was how Francesca had repeatedly apologised for running in the stairs, and pleaded to Monica almost as if she thought that if Monica forgave her it would stop hurting and her lip would be okay again. And Monica had told her over and over that she wasn't mad at her for running down the stairs. The whole thing had given Monica the creeps, since it had reminded her of a chapter of the book "the Emigrants", which she had read after the birth of the twins. The chapter it reminded her of, was the one where the main characters', Karl-Oskar and Kristina were christening their youngest, Harald, and Kristina had made a special kind of porridge which had seemed like a luxury since they were poor and had very little to eat. And their oldest child, Anna, had gotten so hungry that she had snuck in to the kitchen and finished almost all the porridge, and then died from overeating. Monica remembered very clearly how Anna had begged her parents for forgiveness for eating of the porridge, begging them to make the pain go away, and that had made Monica very frightened when Francesca had begged her for forgiveness for running down the stairs. But she couldn't explain that to Chandler, because he hadn't been there. And he would probably just think that it was two completely different situations and she had been overreacting.
Chandler lifted his head when Chopin started wagging his tail, creating a thumping sound each time it hit the floor.
"Which child do you think?" he asked.
"Fran" Monica said.
She got out of bed and walked over to the door. She opened it and found Francesca outside, carrying her teddybear and sobbing.
"It hurts" Francesca said.
"I know, honey..." Monica said and lifted her up.
She carried her inside the bedroom and closed the door. She sighed deeply at Chopin who had taken the opportunity to jump up on the bed and told him sharply to get down from there.
"Chandler we need to find some other room for that dog to sleep in" she said with a yawn and got into bed.
She scooted over closer to Chandler, still with the child in her arms, and then carefully put Francesca down next to Chandler, who was drifting off to sleep. She crawled down herself and put an arm around Francesca who was still crying.
"How long will it hurt, mamma?" she asked.
"I don't know Fran" Monica said. "A couple of days, at least. And you're going to get a scar there."
"I don't want a scar!"
"No I know..."
"Will I be toothless forever? I sound like Daffy Duck!"
"When I was little grandma used to say I sounded like Donald Duck when I talked" Chandler mumbled.
"You'll get new teeth there, sweetie" Monica said to Francesca.
"Why does it hurt still?"
"It takes a while for it to stop hurting..."
"But the hurt took a pause earlier" Francesca lisped.
"That's because the doctor gave you that pill, remember?"
"Can I have another one?"
"I'm sorry sweetie, but I don't have one..."
After what seemed like a very long time, Francesca finally stopped crying. Monica was relieved, it scared her a little when Fran cried. Just like her mother, Francesca didn't like showing weaknesses, and Monica hadn't heard her cry more than a few times since she had grown past the infant stage.
"I'm really sorry for running down the stairs" Francesca lisped out in a whisper.
"Honey, I've told you already, I'm not angry" Monica whispered back and wished she would drop the subject.
"You always say we shouldn't run in the stairs. You always get angry."
"I'm not angry now."
"Is Pappa angry?" Francesca asked.
"No I'm not angry" Chandler mumbled, barely awake.
"We get angry when you run in the stairs because we're afraid you'll fall and hurt yourselves" Monica said. "We get angry because you scare us!"
"Pappa runs in the stairs" Francesca said.
"And she gets mad at me too" Chandler mumbled.
"If I never run in the stairs again, will it stop hurting?" Francesca asked.
"It won't stop hurting right away" Monica said. "But it will in a few days. It will stop sooner though if you swear to us that you won't run in the stairs again!"
"I swear" Francesca said.
"Good... Now go to sleep honey, it's really late."
Fifteen minutes later Francesca was asleep, but Monica still couldn't go to sleep. It was even harder now, since she was lying in a very uncomfortable position but if she turned she might wake Francesca up. And she didn't want to risk that since the child's mouth was hurting so much.
"That's my sleepyhead" Chandler mumbled and opened an eye to look at her. "Always the last one to go to sleep."
"This isn't the most comfortable position" Monica said.
"Nope. You usually prefer to be flat on your back" Chandler said, to which Monica gave him an angry look. "Relax, you can move. She won't wake up. And if she does, she'll go back to sleep right away again."
"You think?"
"Could be" Chandler said and shrugged his shoulder.
"No, I don't want to take my chances" Monica said. "If she wakes up she's gonna start crying again and I hate it when they cry and I can't make them stop... It's like I don't hear them cry, I hear 'bad mother, bad mother, bad mother' chanting..."
Chandler chuckled.
"Give me a break Mon... Nobody thinks you're a bad mother because a four year old girl cries from something like this! And for the record, children crying can mean that you're a good mother too."
"Yeah, a wonderful mother, so wonderful I make my children cry!" Monica said and rolled her eyes.
"You don't make them cry, they fall and hurt themselves or argue or do other things that make them cry... Or, well, sometimes they cry because you yell at them."
"Great, thanks dear" Monica moaned.
"I never cried when I was a kid" Chandler said.
"I know" Monica said.
"I wanted to sometimes though" Chandler said. "It was just... my parents wouldn't have done much to comfort me. And being a kid and crying alone when it's not of own choice, that's not too fun."
"My mom looked scared whenever I cried" Monica said. "When Ross cried they made a huge deal out of it, but when I cried they seemed really uncomfortable..."
"My parents... just didn't seem to care if I cried" Chandler said.
"How do you know if you never cried?"
"It's like you know how they react to everything else, so then you also know how they'll react if you do something else... Like cry." He paused for a second. "No matter how sad, or how scared I was as a kid, there was no way I would have come to my parents bedroom and asked to sleep in their bed with them."
"Really? Not even if you were sick, or had a nightmare?"
"Nope. When I was sick I'd just lie in my bed, hugging my little stuffed Sir Hiss from Disney's 'Robin Hood'... And when I had a nightmare I'd turn on all the lights and try to go back to sleep..."
"Even with a really bad nightmare?" Monica asked.
"If it was a really bad one I'd go to my nanny" Chandler said. "But I wasn't too fond of her. She was an 'in case of emergency' solution."
"That's so sad!" Monica said. "I remember I was afraid of going to my parents' bedroom after nightmares or things like that, but when I was a kid everything that was scary was also a challenge."
"I wasn't scared of waking them up or anything" Chandler said. "But the one or two times I actually did go to their bedroom mom would let me get up in the bed and she'd kiss me goodnight, but then she'd get annoyed if I'd have trouble going to sleep. You know, if I was tossing and turning and things like that. And dad, he would just act as if I wasn't there. Come to think of it he'd act as if mom wasn't there too..."
"Ugh, don't tell me anymore!" Monica said. "Your childhood stories always make me sad. I don't want that right now."
"Sorry" Chandler said.
"You shouldn't be sorry" Monica said. "It's not your fault..." She yawned big. "Now I'm gonna try to go to sleep... without dreaming nightmares related to your childhood."
"Mon, you don't have to say something like that" Chandler said. "It doesn't make me feel better about it."
"Sorry."
"Yeah..."
Chandler rolled over on his side and fell asleep. Monica finally turned around so that she was lying more comfortably and was just about to go to sleep when she became wide awake again from Chopin landing on her.
"Oh I'm gonna kill that mutt!" she moaned and pushed him off the bed.
"Oh night divine! Oh night when Christ was born!" Chandler loudly sang while hanging up a mistletoe above Monica's chair by the kitchen table.
"Singing songs like that kinda' rhyme badly with placing a device that's going to make you kiss your wife a lot" Rachel remarked and placed a straw angel on the table.
"I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus" Chandler sang instead, and continued placing mistletoe at strategic places.
"That's better... But what kind of image of Christmas are you giving your children?"
"That the best Christmases are the ones when Daddy's happy, and Daddy's happy when Mommy kisses him a lot!"
"I wish I had a kid whose Daddy wanted to kiss his Mommy a lot!" Rachel whined. "And that he'd still want to do that when the kid was 10!"
"Why wouldn't he want to still kiss you when your kid is ten?" Chandler asked and hung a mistletoe under the door.
"Because when my kid is ten I'll be at least 54" Rachel said. "An old hag."
"Nah..." Chandler said.
"Oh please, like you'll be hanging up mistletoes to get to kiss Mon a lot ten years from now" Rachel scoffed.
"No, by that time I will have gathered the courage to ask her if I can kiss her even without the mistletoe" Chandler said sarcastically.
"Good, maybe then there won't be ten mistletoes in the kitchen alone."
"Hey, she's a chef! She cooks! Therefore she spends a lot of time in the kitchen!" Chandler said.
"So what, if you'd wanted Joey to kiss you you'd put ten mistletoes in the bathroom?"
"You catch on quickly, my dear" Chandler said. "Now, for the bedroom. I'm thinking one mistletoe over her side of the bed, one over mine and one over Chopin's basket."
"You wanna kiss the dog?" Rachel asked.
"No, ew, but she always pats the dog a lot before we go to bed. I'm thinking I can use that..."
"Oh brother" Rachel said, shaking her head.
"I thought the Christmas tree was supposed to be in the living room" Francesca said as she entered, looking up at all the mistletoes with a confused expression.
"No hon, these are mistletoes" Chandler said.
"Why are there five million of them?" Francesca asked. Then, without waiting for an answer, she turned to Rachel. "They weren't here earlier this year when I ate soup with a straw because of when I bit through my lip."
Rachel made a grossed face.
"That's a part of your life to treasure..."
"My lip was glued back together" Francesca continued. "Is yours glued?"
"Uhm, no."
"Fran don't bother her with stupid questions" Chandler said. "Did you put out your Christmas ornaments?"
"No, mamma says I'm too little. And Bridget says I'm too clumsy."
"Then tell them both that they're too whiny" Chandler joked.
"Okay!" Francesca declared and left. She returned after a few seconds. "I don't wanna say that to mamma."
"But you can say it to Bridget?" Chandler asked.
"Bridget bugs me."
Francesca left again. Rachel sighed and placed another straw angel on the table.
"One more story about her and her lip and I'll scream" she said. "It's gross! I don't want details!"
"You think that's gross?" Chandler asked. "One word: childbirth."
"Oh shut up."
Monica walked in, whistling 'Silent Night' and stopped once she'd gotten inside the kitchen. She looked around and then gave Rachel and Chandler a confused look each.
"Why is there a rainforest in my kitchen?" she asked.
Chandler gave a theatrical sigh and turned to Rachel.
"For twelve years you work on a marriage, for fifteen you work on a relationship... And yet this still is her kitchen!"
"I would call it 'ours' if you ever used it" Monica said.
"I use it!" Chandler objected.
"For something else than eating something that's already prepared, drinking something or having sex."
"Okay so I don't use it a lot..."
Monica rolled her eyes but smiled. Then she methodically started taking the mistletoes down, to Chandler's dismay.
"Hey, hey, hey, what are you doing?"
"Moving Brazil to some other room" Monica said. "Hang these in doorways Chandler. Not over my seat. God, one look in here and you'd think you were just trying to steal a whole lot of kisses this year."
"On the bright side..." Rachel said. "No one will ever know me that well."
"Huh?" Monica said.
"Nothing."
On December 26th Chandler woke up with a smile on his face. Monica was in his arms, asleep in her new pyjamas. Or at least in the upper half of her new pyjamas. He had pulled off the pyjama pants only five minutes after she had put them on the night before. And she hadn't complained. He was wearing something too, a new silk robe she had gotten him for Christmas. He had wore nothing under it when they had gone to bed and she had quickly pulled it open but never pulled it off him.
'If you only see our upper halves you'd think we were nice, well-behaved children last night' he thought with a grin and woke Monica up with a gentle trace of kisses along her neck and shoulder.
"Santa?" she jokingly mumbled.
"No..." Chandler said. "He's gone back to the North Pole. So unfortunately you'll have to put up with his understudy for another year."
"I think I could manage that" Monica said and stretched with a smile. She turned around so that she was lying on her back and smiled up at him. "I'm lying on your side of the bed" she remarked.
"I get very generous around Christmas" he said with a smile. "Sometimes even so generous I let you sleep on that side."
"Oh my poor little munchkin, having to sleep on my half of the bed" Monica joked.
"First a rotten childhood, now this!" Chandler joked.
"Oh this year has been so much better than last year" Monica said and stretched again.
"No objections there" Chandler said and lay down on his back too, next to her.
"Last Christmas was kinda' neat though" Monica said. "With you coming home on the 23rd, the six of us sitting up in the kitchen drinking hot chocolate that night..."
"Only last year on this date I had to get out of bed and hurry to the airport" Chandler said. "This year I'm staying right here in this bed all day long!"
"Sounds wonderful..." Monica said. "Hey Chopin needs to be walked, take him outside would you?"
"Thanks for helping me spend the entire day in bed" Chandler said with rolling eyes.
"You'll be rewarded once you get back..." Monica said. "I'll let you come share your side of the bed with me."
Chandler grinned at her and got out of bed. He pulled his robe around him and put a pair of boxers on before calling to the dog who was more than willing to go outside. He took the dog outside and started freezing in the cold weather.
"Come on pal, do your thing..." he said to the dog. "Damn, why did I have to get her a male dog that needs to pee on every bush and tree he can find?" He whistled for the dog and walked inside, shivering. "Note to self: once the mutt dies get her a fish if you need to get her a pet."
He walked to the bedroom and saw that Monica was waiting for him, eager to warm him up. He grinned and closed the bedroom door, shutting Chopin out. He let his robe fall to the floor, to which Monica protested.
"No, no, no... Leave it on!"
He chuckled and put it back on, once he'd shed his boxers. She lifted up the covers for him and he got into bed on top of her.
"Much better than last year" he said.
"Hey Mom?" Bridget said, looking up from her math homework. "You know, I was thinking... My birthday is in three weeks."
"Yes I know" Monica said and drew a line under a misspelled word in Emma's essay.
"I know what I want for my birthday."
"Good" Monica said. "As long as it doesn't have four legs and whinnies."
Bridget let out a resigned sigh and returned to her homework. Both she and Monica looked up when the front door closed and Monica went to greet Chandler. She gave him a warm kiss and he kissed her back, putting his arms around her.
"We alone?" he asked her in a low tone.
"During homework hours?" Monica asked. "Not a chance!"
"Right, I forgot..." Chandler said and glanced at his wristwatch. "Homework hours don't end for another half hour."
"And I'm not done correcting Emma's essay yet, I should get back to that" Monica said. "So she doesn't have to sit without anything to do!"
"Children would rather have nothing to do than homework to do" Chandler pointed out and followed her into the kitchen. He took a look at the children sitting by the kitchen table. "Okay, Bridget makes one, Emma makes two, Anthony makes three..." He turned to Monica. "I was sure we had four!"
"Honey, for the billionth time since we got married..." Monica said and sighed. "Children don't start school until they're six. No school means no homework."
"So where is the little kitten?" Chandler asked.
"In her room..." Monica said. A loud crash was heard and Monica sighed. "She's rearranging her sock drawer. Apparently she didn't think I put the right pairs under the right category. And from the sound of it, she just dropped a drawer."
Chandler's eyebrows perked up.
"Oh, rearranging her sock drawer huh? Is she showing any other sides of any qualities that are... you know... yours?"
"No" Monica said and glared at him. She sat down and continued looking through Emma's essay. She sighed loudly when another drawer hit the floor. "Damn!"
"Mom, make her stop!" Anthony whined. "I can't concentrate!"
"Your math homework is like 1+1" Bridget said. "Who needs to concentrate?"
"Ah, remember the rules!" Monica said without looking up. "During homework hours we talk as little as possible!"
"I'll go make sure she doesn't drop anything valuable as well..." Chandler said and went to Francesca's room.
"Mom for how long will she have that annoying lisp?" Bridget whined, referring to the lisp Francesca had had since they took three of her teeth out.
"Until her new teeth are done growing out" Monica mumbled. "Maybe another six months... Maybe four years... Who knows?"
"As if her name won't make kids pick on her enough..." Bridget mumbled. "Now she's gonna be the lisping freak as well."
"Bridget!" Monica said firmly. "Go back to your math and be quiet!"
"I'm all done with my math."
"Then do your other homework."
"I have no other homework."
"Then be quiet. I'm trying to help Emma here!" Monica said.
"Can't I go to my room?"
"No!" Monica said. "Homework hours are over at five."
"So I'm just supposed to sit here for half an hour doing nothing?"
"Unless you wanna help dad sort out the sock drawer" Monica said.
Bridget sighed and sunk back in her seat. She glanced at her sister and brother and wished her parents had never had more than one child. She hated having three siblings to compromise with. And she hated being the oldest. Her mother always said that she should know better than her siblings since she was older, while her father seemed to think she was the same age as Francesca. And she didn't want to be treated either way.
"Okay Emma, I'm done" Monica said. "I've underlined your misspelled words and written them correctly on the side... And you might want to take a look at the grammar in the parts I underlined with a green colour..."
"Mom, she's nine, her teachers won't care about grammar" Bridget said.
"I'm ten! " Emma angrily said. "Ten, Bridge!"
"And it scares Mommy to death that she has two children who've turned double figures!" Monica said. "Now Emma, go through your essay and correct what needs to be corrected, Bridget you watch your mouth."
"I didn't say anything bad" Bridget said.
"You didn't swear, but you're not being very nice" Monica said.
"I tend to be very un-nice when I have to sit around doing absolutely nothing for no other reason than what time it is!" Bridget angrily said.
"You know the house rules!" Monica said, getting angry. "Now stop it, Bridget! Stop being such a baby! Act your age!"
"And what age is that?" Bridget angrily said.
"Eleven, soon twelve, last I checked" Monica said. "And for crying out loud, you should be able to sit still and be quiet for at least five minutes without starting to pick fights with your sisters and brother!"
"I was not picking a fight!" Bridget yelled.
"Excuse me, I'm trying to do math here!" Anthony yelled, fed-up with all the talking and bickering.
"What on earth is going on?" Chandler asked, entering the kitchen.
"I was not picking a fight!" Bridget yelled, starting to tear up.
"Be quiet!" Anthony yelled back.
"Both of you be quiet" Monica said sharply. "Bridget, go to your room."
"Fine!" Bridget cried and stomped off.
"What was all that about?" Chandler asked.
"Bridget finished her math, got bored, and..." Monica trailed off.
"And what?" Chandler asked.
"And started annoying me, and talking so much that Tony couldn't concentrate, and... Well, we had a fight" Monica said and shrugged her shoulders.
"You wanna go up and talk to her?" Chandler asked.
"No. She'll be down to dinner."
"What if she refuses to come down for dinner?" Chandler asked.
"Then that's her choice" Monica said. "If she's hungry, she'll come down for dinner. If she refuses to come down then her punishment will be no dinner."
"It's cruel to punish kids in that way" Chandler said.
"She gets to choose, come down and eat or stay upstairs and sulk" Monica said defensively, starting to get mad at Chandler as well. "Weren't you supposed to help Francesca?"
"I'm done helping Francesca" Chandler said.
"Well then make yourself useful and cook dinner" Monica angrily said.
Chandler sighed and started digging through the freezer to find something to make dinner out of. Emma and Anthony moaned.
"Dad making dinner?" Emma complained.
"Can't we order pizza instead?" Anthony suggested.
"You get back to your math" Monica said. "And Emma, you haven't even started on correcting those marks in your essay! Now get started or you're both going to have to continue with it after dinner."
"But mom, that's not fair!" Emma complained. "Just because Bridget--"
"No objections!" Monica said. "The sooner you get started, the better the chances you won't have to sit with your homework after dinner."
Chandler knocked on Bridget's door carefully. Without waiting for an answer he opened the door with his left hand, balancing a tray on his right. Bridget glared at him from her place on her bed.
"What do you want?" she asked.
"Coming with a little snack for you" Chandler said. "You skipped dinner."
"I wasn't hungry" Bridget said.
"Yeah right" Chandler said. He put the tray down on her bed. "Just take it down quietly so that Mom doesn't hear ya', okay? You know how she gets when it comes to eating things in other rooms than the kitchen."
"Okay" Bridget said.
"Good night, kiddo" Chandler said and walked to the door.
"Dad!" Bridget said. "Thank you."
"You're welcome" Chandler said.
He walked back downstairs and headed for his and Monica's bedroom. He walked into the kitchen and stopped, seeing Monica in the doorway of their bedroom. She was giving him an angry look, leaned against the door post with her arms crossed.
"What?" he asked.
"Thank you so very much" she said in a spiteful tone and then went into their bedroom.
"Mon?" Chandler said and followed her. "What?"
"You might be the least discreet human being in a kitchen" Monica growled and pulled her robe tighter.
"What are you talking about?" Chandler asked. "Did I leave a mess?"
"You brought Bridget dinner, didn't you?"
"Monica come on!" Chandler said. "You were gonna let her go starving through the night? For something so small? Your fight was barely even a fight!"
"Obviously it was a fight!" Monica said. "And she had the choice to come down and eat dinner, I didn't hold her back in any way! She chose to go without dinner."
"Because she's a pre-teen and she's stubborn!" Chandler said. "She gets it from you!"
"Thanks" Monica angrily said.
"Honestly, you can't be mad at me for giving her something to eat" Chandler said.
"Yes I can!" Monica said. "She needs to learn not to be so damn stubborn! She needs to learn that if she's too sulky to come down and have dinner then she won't get any dinner! If she wants something to eat she has to get over herself and come down the stairs and ask for something to eat! She can't get away with this type of behaviour! I never said she couldn't come down for dinner! She chose that herself! And you reward such behaviour!"
"I don't" Chandler angrily said. "Forgive me for not wanting my daughter to starve! I don't know about you, but I wouldn't be able to go to sleep knowing I have a child upstairs who is starving!"
"One night won't do her any harm" Monica said. "And for the millionth time, she chose not to have dinner! Shouldn't she get to learn by now that if you make a bad choice you have to live with the consequences? One night without dinner won't kill her, I can bet you that she's got enough candy up in her room to keep her from being hungry!"
"You want her to live on candy?"
"No, don't get me side-tracked!" Monica angrily said. "I am trying to teach those children a few things about life! Like that when they're done with their homework they can't disturb their siblings who aren't done! And like if they decide not to have dinner they'll go hungry!"
"Kind of a drastic thing to teach a eleven year-old!"
"And what the hell would you have done?" Monica shouted, but then remembered to lower the tone of her voice. "Given her applauds? She was disturbing her siblings so I told her not to, she overreacted and stormed off to her bedroom and refused to come down for dinner! I'm not going to encourage such behaviour! She needs to grow up sooner or later, and now is a good time to start! A girl her age shouldn't act childishly like that!"
"But she is a child!" Chandler said.
"A child who's in puberty and is starting to grow up!" Monica said.
Bridget quietly put her empty plate in the dishwasher, trying to be both fast and quiet. The kitchen was right next to her parents' bedroom, and she could hear them fighting. And she could hear what they were fighting about. She felt a lump in her throat that she wished she could ignore but couldn't.
"I am so fucking tired of always having to play this role!" Monica said to Chandler inside the bedroom, barely keeping her voice down.
"What role?"
"The 'mean parent' role! Always being the one who has to nag, who has to end the fun, who has to teach them things about what they cannot do! And who has to get mad at them and tell them off, and sometimes give them some form of punishment! While you just waltz around, happy and content, getting to be fun one! They know they can bend the rules with you, because you won't get mad! They know they can do whatever the hell they want around you, they could hurt each other or break each other's toys, do anything at all! And you wouldn't get more than a bit angry, and you wouldn't tell them off! Not to mention you wouldn't give them any form of punishment!"
"Wow, that is so unfair!" Chandler said. "I do tell them off if they hurt each other or if they break each other's toys! Only I don't consider it being such a terrible thing if they don't sit by the kitchen table until five p.m. if they're finished with their homework! For example! You are being way too strict!"
"Oh I am, am I?" Monica angrily asked, crossing her arms.
"Yes, you are!" Chandler said. "Like today, what the hell were you taking the fight out on Emma and Anthony for? So what if they didn't finish their homework, it's not due until the day after tomorrow! Ems and Tony hadn't done anything at all, yet you punished them as well as Bridget!"
"They finished before dinner, didn't they?" Monica coldly said.
"Yes, but under threat!"
"Fine!" Monica yelled. "I'm sick of this whole damn thing! From now on, you run this house! I won't lift a finger unless I'm told to, you're now in charge of getting the kids ready for school, getting them to school, getting them home, making sure they do their homework, cooking dinner, and doing everything else that has to do with the children! And I'll take on your role! Just be the person who never has to take care of anything they find boring!"
"If you think I never lift a finger to do anything that has to do with the children--" Chandler began, but Monica cut him off.
"I'm going to bed now!" she said. "Make sure you're up in time to cook breakfast and get the children out of bed and dressed! Sweet dreams!"
She gave him a spiteful look that didn't go well with her last two words, and angrily yanked her robe off. She got into bed, turned her lights off and pulled the covers over her head. Chandler gave her a look and turned the lights off, getting into bed himself, pulling his clothes off under the sheets and throwing them on the floor to annoy her. Monica didn't react at all and Chandler angrily yanked the covers so he could get some more of them. Monica yanked back but then decided not to get involved in a tug-o-war, and grabbed a blanket from the foot of the bed and used that as a quilt instead.
Outside the bedroom, Bridget walked on her tiptoes over to the stairs and quietly walked up to her room. She had overheard the last part of the fight as well, and she felt scared and guilty. They were obviously arguing about the situation in the kitchen earlier in the day, and Bridget felt responsible for it. She had overheard that her mother was mad that her father had taken dinner up for her. She went inside her room and grabbed Dodger, the old stuffed dog that was her favourite, and got into her bed. She buried her face in the toy and cried herself to sleep.
"Mamma, I don't want that dress" Francesca whined and stuck her tongue out at the green dress Monica had picked out for her. "I want the blue one!"
"You're wearing green" Monica decided.
"Why Mamma?"
"Because Mamma says so" Monica said. "Come on now, we don't have much time for this! I promised Bridget that you guys would be out of the house for her birthday party, and we have to leave real soon!"
"Is everyone leaving?" Francesca asked and reluctantly put on the green dress.
"No, just you, me, Emma and Anthony" Monica said.
"Not Pappa?"
"No, he's staying here" Monica said. "To help Bridget out with her party." She thought to herself that that ought to suit him, since he apparently didn't approve of her handling something like that. He had made one comment about how she had to be careful not to turn the party into an event where every minute was scheduled, and it had set off another fight.
"How many years are Bridget?" Francesca asked.
"She's twelve" Monica said.
"How many years are you?"
"Forty-four" Monica said.
"How many years are you when I am as many years as Bridget?"
"I don't know" Monica said with a sigh. "A lot!"
"How many?"
"Fifty-two" Monica said.
"Like grandma'?" Francesca asked.
"That really hurt" Monica said, making a face. "Now come on munchkin! Let's get the show on the road!"
"What show? The 'Gummy Bears' show?" Francesca asked as Monica lifted her up and complained about her back. "And what road? Route 66?"
"I didn't know you knew such a thing existed" Monica said with a sigh.
"Uncle Joey sings a song about it that Pappa tells him not to sing in front of us children" Francesca said. "Have I ever been on Route 66?"
"No, but you have been on your way to auntie Rachel's before! So let's experience that again! Come on now!"
She carried Francesca out to the hall and called for Emma and Anthony to hurry up. Anthony wanted to get away from the house as soon as possible, but Emma was complaining over not being allowed to be at the party.
"Honey on the day Francesca wants to be on your birthday party, you will understand" Monica said.
"Francesca has been on every birthday party I've ever had" Emma replied.
"Yes, but there's a difference between a birthday party and a party" Monica said. Then she sighed. "We can discuss this in the car! Hurry out!"
She said bye to Bridget and gave her a kiss on the cheek, and then hurried out to the car. She couldn't wait to get to Rachel's and get to talk to her.
"So what's the problem?" Rachel asked her an hour later, once they had finally gotten the kids to watch a movie so that Monica and Rachel could talk in private. They had sat down by the kitchen table and Rachel wanted to know what was bothering Monica.
"All couples go through some standard fights and phases, right?" Monica hesitantly asked. "I mean... It's only natural, right?"
"Well that depends I guess..." Rachel said. "I mean, what fights and phases are we talking about here?"
"Chandler and I... we had quite a fight a few weeks ago. The kids were doing their homework, Bridget was disturbing the others, I got mad at her and she went to her room and wouldn't come down for dinner. So I decided that if she didn't want to come down to eat, she could skip dinner. Chandler went up with food for her later on anyway, and we had a huge fight..."
"Over that?"
"It wasn't just that... I get to do all the bad stuff, you know? I have to do all the stuff that make parents boring! And he made it sound like I'm suffocating them or something! And we had a huge fight about it and we've been kinda' mad at each other ever since... I get mad over everything he says more or less, and vice versa."
"Actually that does sound like something all couples with children go through" Rachel said. "The fight over who takes on most of the responsibility."
"Well how do we solve it?" Monica asked. "I'm sick and tired of fighting with him... And we've had almost a year without any bad fights! Sure, we've fought, but only about smaller things... You know, the minor things."
"Yeah" Rachel agreed with a nod.
"But this fight is based on serious stuff!" Monica said. "I'm really sick and tired of having to do all the boring things!"
"Then try splitting the responsibility 50/50" Rachel suggested. "Like every other day you take that role, and every other day he takes that role."
Monica shook her head.
"Doesn't work. We've tried. Or, well, we haven't tried that. But I told Chandler he could try take all the responsibility that I take. He didn't even bother for a day."
"Give him some credit, Mon..." Rachel said. "You know he's not the kind who would do anything to get away from responsibility."
"I've been wondering" Monica said. "I mean, say fifteen years ago... would you have thought of Chandler as someone who would take that responsibility?"
"No" Rachel said. "But he's changed."
"So much that I sometimes don't even recognise him" Monica said with a sigh.
"You've changed too, you know" Rachel said. "Back when you were dating, if everything in every room wasn't in the perfect place you'd freak out."
"Oh trust me, I want to freak out" Monica said. "But I have four children constantly working against me... Seriously, they're all four years old or older! How hard can it be to keep your room tidy?"
"Mon, children don't keep their rooms tidy..." Rachel said. "You can expect Bridget to, and maybe Emma, but not the others."
"I kept my room perfectly tidy from the age of four" Monica said.
"Yeah, but these kids also have genes of Chandler in them" Rachel said.
"Speaking of..." Monica said with a sigh. "Is it always going to be like this? Am I doomed to be the boring parent for all eternity?"
"Well, you know Mon..." Rachel said. "Maybe that's just fair and square. I mean, you're the Mother... You've got that bond with them that Chandler can never have, since they've never been in him and he's never given birth to them. And he's never nursed them, and he wasn't the one to stay home with them when they were little. Plus, you've got three girls Monica! Girls usually have much stronger bonds with their moms."
"I thought it was the other way around" Monica said. "That Dads favoured their daughters and Moms their sons."
"Maybe, but who do you think they'll come to when they've gotten their first period?" Rachel asked. "Who do you think they'll ask about boys? Who do you think they'll miss the most when they move away from home?"
"Daddy. The fun parent who doesn't nag" Monica said. "They'll miss him more."
"I don't think so honey" Rachel said. "They're gonna be really Mommy-sick."
"Oh yeah?" Monica said. "Let's take Emma as an example. When she falls and hurt herself she goes to Daddy. When she's had a bad dream she asks for Daddy. When she has a problem she calls for Daddy. When she's got a story to tell she turns to Daddy..."
"And who do the other kids turn to?" Rachel asked.
"Sometimes me, sometimes him" Monica said.
"But mostly you?" Rachel asked.
"I guess. But I'm home more than he is. And I am always the one they argue with..." She sighed. "I always wanted to be a fabulous Mom... Turns out I'm just the same as my own Mom."
"No, you're not" Rachel said.
"Yeah?" Monica said, not believing it. "I'm always bugging them about how they act, how they dress, how their rooms look..."
"Every Mom does that" Rachel said.
"Does every Mom also clock her children in the morning to make sure they're on time?" Monica asked.
"Well, maybe not..." Rachel agreed. "Look Monica, you always seem to take what you have for granted. You have a man that you love, four beautiful kids... Believe me, the problems you have... they are good problems to have."
"Yeah I'm sorry" Monica said, feeling bad for whining to Rachel about her problems when Rachel was still single and childless. "He is a great man, isn't he? And we do have great kids, don't we?"
"Yeah you do" Rachel said, smiling at the proud-parent look on Monica's face. "And I hope this won't make you upset or anything, or seem out of place... But I sometimes think back on when Fran was a baby and I had asked Chandler to donate sperm to me... And I wish he had."
"It's okay" Monica said. "I know that you feel... sad that you don't have any children."
"I sort of thought it was all set, you know?" Rachel said. "With Boris, I mean! That him and I would stay together and have beautiful children... Just like you with Chandler. It was such a shock to suddenly be back on the market again. With the best-of-use-before date coming closer."
"Honey" Monica said. "You are forty-four years old, you're not... expired goods."
"I turn forty-five this year" Rachel pointed out. "God, I remember when thirty was a crisis! I'd give anything to be thirty again!"
"Wouldn't we all?" Monica asked. "I cannot believe I made such a huge deal of turning thirty when I let my fortieth birthday go by without any fuss."
"Well you had just had a baby when you turned forty" Rachel pointed out. "Me, I'm still without children at forty-five."
"You're not forty-five yet" Monica said.
"Mamma!" Francesca said, coming walking in. "Mamma I'm tired... Do I have to watch 'Cinderella'?"
"No honey, you don't have to" Monica said. "You ready for bed, sweetie?"
"No" Francesca said but yawned. "I wanna stay here with you and Rachel."
She crawled up in Monica's lap and started to suck on her thumb. She did that every once in a while, although only when she was tired. Rachel watched her with a smile and for the billionth time wondered what her child with Chandler would have looked like. Francesca didn't look as much like her Dad as Emma did, but you could clearly tell she had his head shape and his nose. The eyes, mouth and hair were Monica's, and since Rachel knew both Monica and Chandler so well she could easily tell that the nose was Chandler's.
"Have you heard anything from Phoebe lately?" Monica asked Rachel, to change the subject.
"She called last week" Rachel said. "David is nominated for some science award or something..."
"Yeah, she told me about that" Monica said.
"Who would have ever thought she'd marry David, huh?" Rachel said, apparently fixated on the subject of marriage and reproducing.
"Well she always did love him" Monica said and gave Francesca a kiss on the top of the head.
"Yeah, but I kinda' wondered if he loved her!" Rachel said. "He was supposed to stay in Minsk for a year, he was gone for six! Then came back for like a day and left again. And then showed up again years later for a week, and we all know how that ended" Rachel said.
"You make it sound like it was a tragedy" Monica said with a slight giggle. "Come on Rach, Lisa is a wonderful kid..."
"How come I don't have any wonderful kids?" Rachel moaned.
"Am I a wonderful kid?" Francesca asked.
"Yes you are" Monica told her and gave her another kiss on the head. "And you know what? It's time for wonderful kids to go to bed! Come along, my dear." She rose with Francesca in her arms and followed Rachel to the room where she and the children were going to sleep.
Two nights later Monica decided that this time Chandler was going to do all the household chores, whether or not he wanted to. She informed him that the next day she wasn't going to lift a finger to help, and he just looked at her with eyes that clearly showed that he didn't believe her. Monica didn't return his look, but had a smug smile on her face. She got into bed and went to sleep, waking up the next morning by Anthony who was jumping on the bed.
"Mommy, Mommy, wake up!" he said.
"Tony don't jump on the bed" Chandler moaned from under the covers. "And get the dog to stop yapping!"
"Mom, I'm hungry!" Anthony whined.
"Chandler?" Monica mumbled from under the covers.
"What?" he asked.
"Aren't you gonna go get your son something to eat?"
Anthony stopped jumping on the bed and stared at his Mother in shock.
"Dad's making breakfast?" he said, sounding scared.
"Yeah" Monica said.
"I'm not that hungry."
Chandler moaned and got out of bed. He grabbed a pair of pants, pulled them on and then grabbed a sweater from the closet. He walked out to the kitchen with the dog following closely behind, and glanced at the time. The children had to wake up now or they would be late for school and day-care. Emma got up easily enough, while Bridget told him to get lost and he had to more or less lift her out of bed. And Francesca protested loudly when he tried to get her up and dressed. He swore under his breath and let the dog out before he returned to the kitchen to look for Anthony. He found him in the bedroom, asleep next to Monica.
"Anthony!" he said firmly and woke him up. "Hurry up, you have to go get dressed."
He swore under his breath again when the children started to complain about him making breakfast, and Emma and Bridget started to argue about whose pencil was the purple one. He looked up and saw Monica in the doorway.
"Excuse me" she said. "I'm taking a sleep in. You mind keeping the tone down?" She gave him a glare and went back to bed.
That night Chandler was so exhausted he barely got himself into bed. The entire day he had had to do everything around the house. Take care of the dog, feed the children, get them dressed and undressed, make sure they did their homework, make sure they washed up before dinner, make dinner, clean up... He was completely exhausted and very angry with Monica. She was already in bed, and she rolled over to him and gave him a kiss. Chandler pushed her away, angry with her and confused because he'd thought she was just as angry with him.
"What are you doing?" he asked her.
"Kissing you" Monica said.
"Why?"
"Since you've taken on my role today I thought I'd take on yours."
"Oh drop dead" Chandler moaned. "I'm exhausted."
"Sounds like Mr. Housewife's got PMS" Monica replied and got an angry glare from Chandler. "You never seem to care that I am. Exhausted, I mean." Monica said. "You love to initiate sex no matter how tired I am."
Chandler suddenly sat up in bed with new found strength and glared at her with angry eyes. Monica looked at him with a confused look on her face.
"You know what? That's it!" Chandler said. "I am in no way as little help around here as you've been today! I help you get the kids ready for school--"
"Once a year doesn't count!" Monica angrily said.
"I put them to bed just as often as you do! I pick them up from places more often than you do! Several things I did today that you refused to do are things that I always do anyway! You have never had to take care of everything for a whole day!"
"Oh yeah?" Monica angrily said. "Who do you think helped me out when you were in Los Angeles? The tooth fairy? This was my everyday for a year!"
"I gave you a choice to come with me to California!" Chandler said. "And come on, it's not like I was thrilled to go there. Well, I would have been thrilled to go there but you pretty much ruined that. No, wait, scratch 'pretty much'. I was really excited about going there, until you burst my bubble, which you of course had to do. I went there because it was a wonderful job opportunity for me, and I would have lost my job if I'd stayed in New York. And still you refused to follow me!"
"You know I couldn't come! I would have lots my job and been back at the housewife life I hate!" Monica said. "God, we are not getting into this again!"
"I came home as often as I could!"
"And when you did come home I barely even saw you!" Monica said. "You were always off doing something fun with the kids! Don't get me wrong, I don't blame you one bit and I'm glad you spent so much time with them! But you only did the fun things, I was still stuck with everything boring!"
"Well excuse me so fucking much if I didn't want to waste the little time I had with them bugging them about school and forcing them to clean up in their rooms!"
"Chandler do you realize that the time you spent doing fun things with them during those visits is more time than I have spent doing fun things with them for the past year?"
"Well don't blame me for that!" Chandler said.
"I do blame you for that!" Monica said. "Because thanks to you and your refusal to help, I don't have the time or energy to do fun things with them! You're taking away something from me!"
"Damn it, Monica this is your own fault!" Chandler yelled.
"You'll wake the kids!" Monica hissed.
"This is how you made things and now you're going to have to live with it" Chandler said in a lower tone, but still an angry one. "When we moved in together you wanted to do stuff for me. You wanted to clean for me, you wanted to cook for me, and whenever I offered to you told me no! And when I cleaned the apartment or I made the bed or I did the dishes, I always ended up doing something in a way you didn't want! I put things where you didn't want them and so on! You never got mad at me for it, but I know that it wasn't how you wanted it! And I was so desperate to please you, I wanted to do everything I could for you, and what I learned was that I should let you do things the way you wanted them! And then we had Bridge, and it was like everything I did was wrong or messed up your plans and schedules when it came to cleaning and taking care of her! So I learned to step back and let you handle that whole thing, and only do what you asked me to! And it has been like that ever since! This is how you've chosen to run our household, and how you've let me know it should be run. You can't come now and tell me to forget about this whole thing and now I've got main responsibility!"
"Did it ever occur to you that I shouldn't have to ask you to get your help?" Monica angrily hissed.
"And did it ever occur to you that everything you did told me that I shouldn't step in unless you asked me to?" Chandler yelled.
"Quiet, you'll wake the kids!"
"Yes, and god forbid you'd let me have a word in."
"That's not what this is about, you're waking them up!"
"So they'll wake up, big deal! They'll roll over and go back to sleep! And that's what I'm going to do now too! If you want to have sex then go find your battery operated boyfriend, I'm sure he's still around somewhere! Goodnight!"
He lay back down, grabbed his pillow and pulled it over his head, rolling over so that his back was against her. Monica stared at him and then angrily grabbed her book. He had made her feel like a little girl who was being told off, and she hated it. She was the one who should be yelling at him, not the other way around. She wasn't in the mood for reading, but she was angry and she knew he couldn't sleep with the lights on so she kept on reading. After a while Chandler sat up again, yanked the book away from her and slammed it shut.
"Close the damn lights and go to sleep!" he roared. Then he lay back down with his pillow over his head, reaching over to turn the lights off.
Monica jumped out of the bed.
"I'm gonna go check on the kids" she mumbled and hurried to the door. "Chopin, move!" she angrily demanded to the dog who was lying by the door. "Stupid mutt, your days of sleeping in here are over! "
Chandler was awaken by a pillow being thrown on him. He sat up in bed and gave Monica an angry look.
"Rise and shine" she said. "Anthony is eight years old today!"
"Good for him" Chandler said. "No need to hit me over the head with a pillow! It's hard as a brick!"
"I know. I've had my head on it tonight" Monica angrily said. "Didn't anyone ever tell you what fabric softener was for?"
"Shut up. If you ask me to do the laundry I do the laundry. Suit yourself if I don't do it as well as your highness wishes it to be."
Monica hit him with the pillow again and then threw his robe at him and left the room. Chandler moaned and put his robe on. He felt the smell of her as he pulled it tighter. It was the robe she had given him for Christmas, and it still smelled a lot like her after the sex they'd had with him wearing it. Now it had been a few weeks since they'd had sex. He sighed, pushed the thought out of his head and got out of bed.
Monica was humming to herself while preparing a breakfast tray for Anthony and Emma and Bridget were sitting by the kitchen table, chins resting in their palms, yawning. Francesca was asleep, leaned against Chopin who was lying by the bedroom door.
"Okay, we put her to bed last night, right?" Chandler said and pointed to her.
"I did" Monica said.
"Good for you" Chandler muttered. "And let me guess... you walked the dog."
"No" Monica said.
"He's your dog, you walk him" Chandler said.
"Dad" Emma said. "I'm all stiff... I think I slept funny or something..."
"Come here" Chandler said and started to rub her neck and shoulders.
"Thanks Dad" Emma said.
"I thought you said you didn't need me to rub your shoulders for you" Monica pointed out dryly.
"Mom?" Bridget said. "Don't go there."
Monica angrily grabbed the tray and walked to the door.
"Anyone else coming?" she asked.
"Mom, lighten up..." Emma said. "It was just a shoulder rub!"
"Chandler wake Francesca up" Monica commanded. "And girls, take the two bags of presents there by the door. Let's go."
Chandler lifted Francesca up and she woke up protesting. He ignored her protests and carried her up the stairs to Anthony's room.
"Okay, guests arriving in T minus 43 minutes" Monica said with an eye on her watch. "Bridget, get working on those balloons! Emma, finish those candy bags! Fran, would you please go get changed? Thank you!"
The children hurried off and Monica hurriedly took the cake out from the fridge to finish it. Chandler eyed her from the kitchen table that was set for Anthony's birthday party.
"May I speak?" he asked with his voice filled with sarcasm.
"If you must."
"Maybe we should stop this fight here and now" Chandler said. "We both know it's not gonna do any good to keep on like this. The kids are picking up on the tension... We're ruining Tony's birthday."
"You know, I really would like to bury the hatchet, but it's not gonna do any good" Monica said while angrily spreading whipped cream over the cake.
"Why not?" Chandler asked, annoyed with her.
"I am mad at you, haven't you gotten that by now? Somehow it has become my responsibility to take care of everything here at home. And somehow it is also my responsibility to teach the children the rules of the house. The least you could do is work with me, not work against me."
"All this over one meal I brought Bridge..." Chandler said in a moan.
"It's about a hell of a lot more than just that!" Monica said. "It's about ten years of me trying to teach them about right and wrong and you breaking the rules I set up for them and ignoring the punishments I give them. I tell them not to run in the stairs, you run up and down the stairs so often I think you've forgotten that some people can walk in stairs. I try to teach them not to talk with their mouth full, you start all your conversations around the dinner table with food in your mouth! And if I they disobey me and I tell them they can't watch TV, or they can't hear a story before they go to bed, you go and read to them or watch TV with them anyway! I am trying to teach them respect while you are showing them how to disrespect their Mother!"
"Does it always have to be so dramatic?" Chandler asked. "God, they're still little!"
"Bridget's almost a teenager. Anthony is eight years today. And when are they supposed to learn respect? At age fifteen? You have to teach them that from start! That's something you learn at a very young age!"
"So then answer me this, when are they old enough to get rewarded?"
"For refusing to come down for dinner? Never."
"No, not for that" Chandler said. "But for the fact that she finished her homework with time to spare!"
"I won't reward them for something like that, it will just give them the impression that they can hurry with their homework and not do it properly."
"I give up" Chandler moaned.
"Yeah, well you're not the one they disrespect."
"You say that they disrespect you, but just look back at what went on here two minutes ago" Chandler said. "They all went out and did exactly what you told them to do!"
"But when I tell one of them that they can't watch TV they go right ahead and do it anyway" Monica said. "If I tell one of them that he or she can't go out and play before dinner they're out playing anyway! I give up. You win. You raise the children."
She put the last cream on top of the cake and grabbed a can of mandarin segments. Then she grabbed a can opener and angrily went to work.
"Monica this isn't about that" Chandler said. "We are raising our children together, and I do not let them do whatever they want and disregard rules. But sending them to bed without dinner--"
"Damn it I was sent to bed without dinner when I was a kid!" Monica said. "And you know that. And that hasn't bothered you."
"I just can't let them go to sleep hungry in good conscience, Monica!"
"For the millionth time, she--"
"Do we need to discuss this any further?" Chandler interrupted her. "Can't we make up? It's our son's birthday, we don't want to ruin it for him! We only have one son!"
"And I suppose that's my fault too?" Monica muttered.
"No" Chandler said. "I don't hold you responsible for that and you know it." He walked up to her.
"Mom?" Anthony said, entering the kitchen.
"Yes honey?" Monica said and started placing the segments around the cake.
"Can you two at least not fight when everyone comes over?" Anthony asked.
"Of course we won't fight honey" Monica said.
"You know we won't" Chandler added.
"Well you're fighting now."
Monica and Chandler shared a look.
"We're not fighting" Monica said. "We're discussing."
"No you're not" Anthony said. "You discuss things a lot. This is fighting."
"Tony..." Monica said with a sigh.
"Whatever you did Dad," Anthony said to Chandler, "just apologise for it and get it over with."
"Oh good, even the boy thinks it's always me who does things!" Chandler moaned.
"Well you never get very upset when Mom does things" Anthony said with a shrug to the shoulder.
"Hey!" Monica said, offended. "What, you're saying Dad's more forgiving than I am?"
"Of course he is" Chandler said with a smug smile. Then he rolled his eyes. "Anthony, you're eight. A little too young to be giving marital advice. Are you done cleaning up in your room yet?"
"Yeah" Anthony said. "And do me a favour... Make up before people come over."
He grabbed one of the segments and then left. Monica and Chandler shared a look and then Monica sighed deeply.
"Boy do I feel bad..." she said. "Chandler do you think they know when we fight?"
"Well you tend to... yell... and throw things..." Chandler said.
"I do not!" Monica said.
"Yes you do" Chandler said. "And besides, children always know it when their parents fight. Especially when you and I fight, since we're acting oddly around each other if we haven't made up from a fight."
"Oh great" Monica moaned. "Well that just gave me enough bad conscience material to last until my 60th birthday!"
"Mon, you don't need to feel bad about it..."
"Oh but for punishing my children with sending them to bed without dinner when they refuse to come down and eat dinner, that's something I should feel bad about?"
"I don't want to discuss this anymore!" Chandler said. "I am not going to apologise for that incident and you know that Monica. So are we going to let it hang over our heads or are we going to play Lady and the Tramp with one of those mandarin segments?"
"We are going to stop the fighting so that Tony's birthday won't be ruined" Monica said. "And I suggest you take the dog for a walk, instead of playing a dog."
"I like playing Lady and the Tramp" Chandler said and glanced down at the dog. "And speaking of dogs... I swear, wherever he is in this house, Chopin hears when you talk about taking him for a walk."
"So take him out" Monica said. "And get out of my way."
Chandler placed a kiss on her cheek.
"I'll have you beaten by tonight..." he said. "Before we go to sleep, we will be just fine again."
"Maybe you need a hobby" Monica replied.
That night Chandler had a big grin on his face as Monica got into bed next to him.
"Shut up" Monica said.
"What? I didn't say anything."
"No, but you were thinking."
"Ah, I love it when you lose..." Chandler said and leaned back.
"I didn't lose!" Monica protested.
"Right..." Chandler said with a grin.
"I didn't! Do you call this being fine?"
"Yeah I do" Chandler said. "Because I know you're only keeping your anger up so that you won't lose. What did we bet on again?"
"We didn't bet on anything" Monica said.
"Ah..." Chandler said. "Oh come on Monica, you lost, admit it! You're not angry with me anymore."
"I could very easily be angry with you right now" Monica replied.
"No" Chandler said. "Because you never sleep in my shirts when you're mad at me."
Monica glanced down at the old shirt she was wearing to bed. She hadn't even reflected on the fact that she had put one of Chandler's old shirts on to wear to bed.
"You're just making it up" she said. "I do sleep in your shirts when I'm mad at you."
"No you don't" Chandler said and got under the covers. "Just like you don't wear thongs to bed when you're mad at me either."
Monica gave up and threw a pillow at him.
"So tell me why we're having a birthday cake for our anniversary?" Chandler asked Monica on their next anniversary.
"Because, today our marriage is officially a teenager" Monica said.
"Yeah. It makes you sound old, Monica."
Monica made a face at him and told him to be quiet and eat cake. They didn't say much as they ate the cake, and they were silent while they did the dishes.
"It does get quiet when the kids are all out of the house" Chandler said once the dishes were done. "No yelling, no arguing, no running around..."
"Just think Chandler, in another thirteen years they'll probably all be gone" Monica said, sounding sad.
"Thirteen years is a long time" Chandler objected.
"No it's not."
"Doesn't feel like we got married yesterday" Chandler protested. "Feels more like we've been married forever."
"Should I see that as good or bad?" Monica asked. "You know, just think... Bridget will be a teen next year. Another five years and she'll be going off to college. Then Emma will follow shortly after, and before we know it it's just gonna be you, me and Fran!"
"Before we know it? We're talking like nine years here. Closer to ten" Chandler said.
"Do you want them to move out?" Monica asked.
"Of course I don't" Chandler said. "I'm just saying that it won't go as fast as you're claiming it will."
"Yeah but soon they won't be our babies anymore" Monica complained. "It scares the hell out of me that two of them have turned double figures! And next year we'll have a teenager in the house!"
"We've always had a teenager around" Chandler said. "Joey, remember?"
"Ha, ha" Monica sulked.
"Come on Monica…" Chandler said. "Kids grow up. That's the way it is."
"They grow up way too fast" Monica said. "I want another baby!"
"Oh no you don't" Chandler said. "I am all done changing diapers and wiping up baby-vomit!"
"Well I'm not" Monica sulked. "I want another kid!"
"No Monica" Chandler said. "Besides, I've had a vasectomy."
"Those can be reversed" Monica said.
"Well I'm not gonna do that. Just let it go Mon. Enjoy the kids while they still live at home, your biological clock needs to be thrown away. Can we talk about something else now? How about we go upstairs to the living room and give each other the presents?"
"Okay" Monica said, lightening up at that suggestion.
They went upstairs and exchanged presents. Chandler told Monica to open hers first, and she shook her head when she saw the lingerie he had gotten her.
"Well thirteen years is lace anniversary" Chandler said. I put the charm on your nightstand this morning. You can find it there later.
"Well I want it now" Monica said. "You're supposed to attach it to the bracelet. Come on, I'll follow you downstairs."
They walked down and Chandler attached the charm to her bracelet. Monica dragged him to the dining room and gave him his present there.
"A CD" Chandler said. He read the title. "Mixed CD. Cute name."
"In honour of a certain mixed tape you gave me once" Monica said. "This CD however is completely free of ex-boyfriends' voices."
"Phew" Chandler jokingly said. He turned it around to see which songs were on it. "Wow this is actually the first time I've ever seen a list of lovesongs listed by a woman, that doesn't include break-up songs."
"Well when did we ever break up?" Monica asked.
Chandler thought for a second about Madge, but then decided not to think about it. Monica gave him a funny look.
"Chandler?"
"Huh?" he said, brought back to the present. "Yeah, we never broke up."
"Are you okay?" Monica asked.
Chandler silently cursed the fact that she could tell how he was doing that easily, but he wasn't going to let just a thought about a woman he'd had feelings for ruin his and Monica's anniversary.
"Yeah Monica, I'm fine" he said. "Just got to thinking about something... Nothing that matters. I think you owe me a dance to this record."
Monica smiled and agreed. He put on the record and they danced to Celine Dion's 'Love Doesn't Ask Why' and Chandler tried to think only about Monica. But the song made him think about Madge. He wondered what she was doing now. And he wondered if Monica somehow was aware that he was thinking about another woman on their anniversary.
"Awww, come here" Monica said and pulled Bridget into a hug. "My little baby, a teenager!"
"Mom, not so hard!" Bridget said, bug hugged Monica back.
"Blow out the candles and make a wish!" Francesca demanded.
"And please, for the sake of our budget, don't wish for a horse" Chandler joked.
Bridget blew out the candles on her birthday cake and then grinned at Chandler. She then started opening her presents. Once she was done, Monica lifted up a piece of paper from her purse.
"Your father and I have two more things for you" she said.
"Two?" Chandler said. "One."
"Two" Monica stated.
Chandler looked confused but shrugged his shoulders.
"Okay, now..." Monica said. "Dad and I want to make a little deal with you."
"Yeah?" Bridget said, sounding excited.
"No horses involved" Chandler said. "So don't get your hopes up, sweetie."
"We want to make a deal with you, that you won't drink, try drugs or smoke" Monica said and held out the piece of paper.
"Forever?" Anthony asked.
"Tony" Chandler said, frowning.
"We want you to sign this..." Monica said to Bridget. "And if you haven't tried drugs, gotten drunk or smoked when you turn eighteen, we'll either buy you a car or a trip to Europe. If our economy allows it. Either way we'll back you up financially so you can buy a car or go to Europe."
"Cool!" Bridget said.
"See, we're hoping it will help show you how much money you'll have saved in the upcoming five years by not smoking, doing drugs or drinking alcohol" Chandler said.
"Ah, being a teetotaller does pay off" Bridget smirked. "Hand me a pen."
Monica handed her one and smiled as she signed the paper. She had more faith in Bridget staying away from alcohol, drugs and nicotine for five years than she had in her other children. Bridget had always been against that kind of thing.
"So what's the second thing?" Bridget asked.
"Kitchen duty" Monica explained.
"All Mom" Chandler said and pointed at Monica.
"What do you mean with kitchen duty?" Bridget warily asked.
"From now on, you're responsible for putting dinner on the table every Monday" Monica said. "And you're responsible for cleaning up after."
"What?" Bridget said.
"I don't want you guys to end up like dad..." Monica said, glancing at Chandler. "When he moved out, he had no idea how to cook. He still doesn't know how to cook."
"I can cook!" Chandler protested.
"No you can't" Monica said.
"I can cook. Kind of. I just don't like cooking for myself."
"So from now on," Monica continued, ignoring Chandler's comment, "Monday is your dinner day. Once Emma turns thirteen, she'll get Tuesday, Anthony will then get Wednesday and Fran will get Thursday."
"Oh no" Francesca complained. "That means we'll only get real food three days a week when I'm old as Bridget!"
Monica laughed.
"Oh come on honey..." she said. "Plus, Friday will from now on be Dad's dinner day."
"What?" the others exclaimed.
"Please Mom, don't ruin my birthday" Bridget complained.
"Mon, you know that's a bad idea" Chandler said.
"You're 47 years old, about time you learned how to cook a decent meal" Monica said.
"So send him to cooking class!" Anthony complained.
"Yeah, send me to cooking class!" Chandler agreed.
"No" Monica said. "Starting next week, dinner will be made by Bridget on Mondays and by Dad on Fridays. And by me on the other days."
She ignored the upset looks on the others' faces and started to clean up the wrapping paper lying around everywhere. Chandler and Bridget shared a look and sighed simultaneously. Then Chandler got an idea.
"Monica do you know what the kitchen will look like after we've tried, and I emphasise the word tried, to make dinner?" Chandler asked.
"That's why you're cleaning up afterward as well" Monica said.
"Oh man..." Chandler complained. "You marry a chef and you think your cooking days are over..."
"You have a chef for a mother and you think you won't have to eat yucky food made by your siblings" Emma said.
"Thanks" Bridget said and stuck out her tongue at her sister.
"After all this time you still drive me crazy" Chandler mumbled in Monica's ear during sex.
Monica didn't respond, except for by moaning louder. Chandler eagerly kissed her neck and started going harder. But suddenly Monica's screams weren't the only ones he was hearing. He froze and turned his head toward the door, just like Monica, to see Francesca screaming angrily by the door.
"Fran!" he exclaimed.
"What are you doing?" Francesca angrily screamed. "Get off my Mamma, you're hurting her!"
"This is not happening" Chandler moaned. "Damn, not again."
"Get off her!" Francesca screamed.
"Sweetie, it's okay" Monica assured her.
"No it's not!" Francesca angrily said.
"Honey go to your room and I'll be right there" Monica continued. "Go on."
Francesca gave Chandler an angry look and them stormed off to her room. Chandler moaned again and rolled off Monica.
"Oh man..."
"Well, that's two down, two to go" Monica said. "We have got to start locking our door, Chandler."
"I've suggested that like a trillion times" Chandler said. "But you always refuse since you want the kids to be able to reach us. Like they won't be able to anyway, if they can all scream like Fran just did. Man, I hope she didn't wake the others up!"
"I've gotta go talk to her" Monica said and pulled her robe on. "She seemed quite upset."
"You think?" Chandler sarcastically said.
"Will you wait for me?" Monica asked and leaned in to kiss him.
"Should I?" Chandler asked. "You really think you'll handle this in less than an hour?"
"I hope so" Monica said and left the bedroom. She found Francesca standing in the doorway to her room with her arms crossed. "You get into bed" Monica said.
"What were you doing?" Francesca demanded to know.
"Bed, now. "
"Not until you tell me what you were doing."
Monica lifted Francesca up and carried her into her room and over to the bed. Francesca protested angrily.
"Why was he hurting you?"
"Daddy was not hurting me, sweetheart."
"Yes he was" Francesca insisted. "You screamed."
"It did not hurt" Monica repeated.
"You wouldn't scream if it didn't hurt."
"Yes I would."
"No you wouldn't."
"Yes I would" Monica firmly said. "And I am not going to argue with you, Francesca. Get into bed. What were you doing out of bed anyway?"
"Bathroom" Francesca said. "And I heard you."
"Well you weren't supposed to" Monica said, failing to hide her embarrassment over the knowledge that she'd been so loud her daughter had heard her.
"Now you're all blushy" Francesca said. "I want to know what you were screaming for, or I won't sleep."
"Too bad" Monica said.
"Mamma!" Francesca angrily protested. "He was hurting you! Tell me what was happening!"
"You're too young to know" Monica said. "Now be quiet and go to bed. Daddy's waiting for me."
"But you were screaming."
"It won't happen again" Monica said and finally managed to tuck her in.
"Mamma I am not a kid, you can tell me" Francesca said in a confiding voice.
"Sweetheart, you are definitely a kid" Monica said. "And what Daddy and I do in our bedroom, behind closed doors, is none of your business. And that goes for your siblings as well. Now goodnight honey."
"Tell Pappa I'm mad at him" Francesca angrily said as Monica left her room.
Bridget, Emma, Anthony and Francesca looked at each other, then at the door where Monica had ran out, and then back at each other again.
"Wow" Bridget then said.
"How weird was that?" Emma added.
"Well it's not that weird" Anthony said. "I mean... her husband just died and all..."
"Yeah well that was still one weird way to react!" Emma said. "I mean, what is she mad at Dad for?"
"I don't think we'll be finding out anytime soon" Francesca said. "I mean, we all know Mamma..."
"Well this still seems kinda' strange" Bridget said.
"Who said it didn't seem strange?" Francesca asked.
"I've never known her to be that mad at him" Bridget said. "I mean... Yeah, she could get really angry sometimes. Really, really angry. But it never lasted, and she was never one to hold a grudge. He must have done something to make her stay mad at him even after he died."
"Maybe she's mad at him for dying" Anthony suggested.
"Please bro, spare us of anymore talk like that" Emma moaned.
"Fine, sorry" Anthony said and made a sulking face.
"So..." Bridget said after a minute of silence. "What do you think this is?"
"Maybe she wasn't in his will" Francesca said and rolled her eyes.
"Fran" Emma said, annoyed with the comment.
"Well think about it..." Francesca said. "She wasn't mad when he was sick! She wasn't mad at the funeral!"
"Uh, yeah she was actually" Anthony said. "Now that I think about it... That's when she first started acting like this."
"So this has to do with the funeral then?" Bridget said.
"Who knows?" Emma said. "Maybe she just... got some bad news or something..."
"Worse than him dying?" Anthony asked with an annoyed glare at his sister.
"No" Emma said. "But something's gotta be wrong."
"You think?" Francesca said and rolled her eyes.
"Well like we just said, she's never that mad... well, not for this long at least" Emma said. "She's never had any serious outbursts of anger as far as we know."
"I beg to differ" Bridget said. "And by the way, we don't know for how long exactly she's been this angry."
"Didn't we just state that it started at the funeral?" Francesca said.
"Maybe someone said something that upset her" Emma suggested.
"That would make her mad at dad? " Anthony pointed out. "Not likely."
Francesca giggled slightly.
"You know, she really can lose her temper sometimes. Only she's never mad for too long. But I remember very well how mad she was at me that time when I was sixteen and I--"
"Let's not go there again" Emma said and then laughed. "You were quite insane Fran."
"No kidding" Francesca said and rolled her eyes. "Must you all constantly remind me?"
"Yeah, well remember how pissed she was that time right after I got my drivers license when I borrowed the car and drove to Arkansas?"
"Borrowed?" Emma said. "Mom and Dad came home from work and found the car and you both gone! And you didn't call them for like 48 hours to let them know what was up!"
"Of course!" Anthony said. "That's the best way. That way they're more worried than mad when you call, and they won't yell at you."
"Bastard" Francesca said.
"She was also pretty mad at me that time I broke that mug with Dad's name on it" Emma said. "She just kept ranting and ranting and ranting... Like I didn't feel bad enough already, and like I didn't understand the first time she told me what a terrible thing I had done."
"Well you did break one of her wedding gifts" Francesca pointed out. "And you know how Mom gets with weddings and stuff like that..."
"Yeah she was mad those times" Bridget agreed. She smiled slightly. "Although, my most vivid memory of Mom being angry is that summer when I was thirteen..."
"Damn, I cannot believe I let you and the kids talk me into this..." Monica moaned to Chandler, and pulled another sweater over her head.
"I thought you and I both agreed a camping trip would bring the family closer together" Chandler replied. "And it's not like we're in a tent!"
"No, we're in a trailer with a broken heater" Monica said.
"Oh come on" Chandler said, trying not to show that he was freezing too. "The kids are having a great time, if you just gave it a chance you'd have a great time too."
"It's official" Bridget said, entering the trailer with Emma, soaking wet. "There is nothing, nada and even less than that to do here!"
"Oh don't start" Chandler complained. "Whatever happened to you complaining that all your friends go away with their families?"
"All my friends go to fun places with their families" Bridget said. "They don't go to Inbreedville."
"Don't try to tell me you don't talk like Dad sometimes" Monica told her. "Now come here you two, you're soaking wet! Where are Tony and Fran?"
"Playing in the mud" Emma said.
"What? " Monica said and ran out to get them back inside.
"Okay, both of you, get out of those wet clothes" Chandler said. "And I'll try once again to get the heat working on this thing."
"Who did we borrow this lousy thing from anyway?" Bridget asked.
"Uncle Ross" Chandler said.
"Dad, my head hurts" Emma complained.
"I'll get you a pain pill, just change into some dry clothes first okay?" Chandler said.
"Try getting some heat first" Bridget said and followed Emma to the back of the trailer to change.
"Okay, get in here" Monica commanded, entering with two muddy children. "No, wait, don't get in here. Damn it Chandler, fix the heating in this thing! I need to wash these two off out here, they're gonna catch a cold if it's this cold in here!"
"Yes, evil stepmother" Chandler said and went back to trying to get the heat to work.
"Now, muddy clothes off!" Monica commanded Anthony and Francesca. "What on earth were you two thinking, playing in the mud?"
"Come on Mamma, you were young once" Francesca said.
"Those words did not just come from my five year-old daughter" Monica said.
"When she was young, she never played in mud" Chandler said. "And yes! finally got the heater to work!"
"Chandler do we have a hose?" Monica asked.
"No" Chandler said after sarcastically patting his pockets.
"Then get me a bucket. These two are getting an outdoors bath!"
"Daddy I don't feel to good" Emma whined, having just finished changing clothes.
"Yeah, in a minute honey, now where are those damn buckets?"
"Hurry up Chandler" Monica complained.
"Hey!" Chandler said. "Quit stressing me!"
Monica rolled her eyes and said a silent thank you that the dog was left with Phoebe and David. She would have gone crazy if she'd have to look after him too. Chandler returned with a bucket and Monica ordered Anthony and Francesca to line up for a quick outdoors bath. Bridget came back from the back room and sat down on the couch.
"This sucks" she complained.
"At least you're not the one getting an outdoors bucket bath" Anthony whined.
"I hate this" Bridget continued.
"None of that" Chandler said and gave Emma a pain pill.
"Well this place really is a hole!" Bridget said. "Just a bunch of moose, trees and mud puddles. Moose scare me, trees smell icky and we're obviously forbidden to play in the puddles."
"Here" Monica said to Chandler and handed him Anthony who was now 'cleaned'.
"If you hate nature so much then how come you want a horse?" Chandler asked Bridget and grabbed a towel to dry Anthony.
"How come parents always ask the worst questions in the world?" Bridget said.
"How come Bridgets always avoid answering them?" Chandler asked back.
"Next" Monica said and handed him Francesca as well.
"I don't like this place" Bridget said again.
"That's enough" Chandler said. "One more whiny word and we'll send you out to find and kill tonight's dinner."
"Eww, gross" Bridget said.
"Don't you just love family vacations?" Monica moaned that night once she and Chandler had gotten into bed.
"Oh come on honey, it's really not that bad" Chandler said.
"Not that bad?" Monica said. "Bridget hates everything she sees. Emma's come down with a cold and has a fever! Anthony says he's scared of the dark all of a sudden, and Francesca's sulking because we didn't bring Chopin with us."
"At least you don't have to listen to your spouse whining like hell too!" Chandler said.
"Sorry..." Monica said. "It's just that camping near the woods freaks me out! Probably was a bad idea for me to watch 'the Blair Witch Project' with Phoebs and Rach right before we left."
"Well there's a no brainer. How come you even agreed to this idea in the first place, if you hate it so much?"
"Well, remember that TV-show 'Family Ties'?"
"Yeah."
"Remember the credits?" Monica asked. "There was this montage type thing and among other things there was a picture of the Keatons camping. Looked so cosy."
"Not to mention it looked so shot-in-a-studio" Chandler added.
"Well I guess I just thought it would be a nice family thing to do... To go out camping."
"And now you see it differently" Chandler concluded. "You afraid or something?"
"You mean of the woods and stuff?" Monica said. She shook her head. "No."
"Liar" Chandler scoffed. "I saw you hesitating to go over to the next trailer to ask them if they had some milk!"
"I didn't want to intrude" Monica claimed.
"As if. I know you, Geller."
"Don't call me that" Monica said. "And even if I was a bit nervous before I'm fine now."
"Uh-hu" Chandler said, not buying it.
"I am!" Monica insisted.
"I wouldn't be if I were you" Chandler said. "You're closer to the door than me. If someone broke in here, you'd be target one."
"Shut up!" Monica said.
"I'm kidding, I'm kidding" Chandler said.
"No, now you've freaked me out! We're switching sides!" Monica said.
"Monica please, it was just a joke."
"No, we're switching! Come on!"
"But I don't want to be on that side" Chandler whined. "It confuses me."
"Fine then" Monica said. She rose, got off the bed and moved her pillow over by Chandler's feet. "There" she said, then grabbed his pillow and yanked it from him.
"Ow, careful!" he complained.
"Sorry" she said and dropped the pillow where her feet had been. "There. Now you're still on the right side of me, only you're the one by the door!"
Chandler moaned but obediently moved over and turned around. Monica climbed over him and got into bed as well.
"I cannot believe that a 45 year-old gets scared from a low budget movie that was considered lame even by 90ies standard" he said.
"And I cannot believe you'd scare your poor wife like that" Monica said. She was quiet for a minute, her fingers playing with the tiny ivory elephant that hung from her bracelet since their ivory anniversary earlier that year. "Hey Chandler?"
"Yeah?"
"Tell me something... Fifteen years ago, when we were planning our wedding, did you ever think you'd be spending a week during summer in a trailer?"
"Well, I didn't really think much about it" Chandler said and rolled his eyes at the question. "See, I had more urgent matters to deal with. Such as 'how much will the flowers she wants for the wedding cost'?"
"Really? You never envisioned our future?"
"Yeah I did" Chandler said. "But that future was called May 17th, 2001."
"I spent every night daydreaming about the future" Monica said. "What our kids would be like, our house, our friends..."
"And did the children, the house and the friends live up to your expectations?" Chandler asked.
"I guess" Monica said. "But it's hard to live up to the ideal things I envisioned. Looking back, I was pretty stupid for imagining kids who got along fine and never quarrelled."
"Yeah, that is stupid" Chandler agreed.
"So that stuff you told me about us having a boy, twin girls and another boy was just something you made up?" Monica asked.
"I told you about that?" Chandler said. "I don't remember telling you about that..."
"Hey maybe we should cut this week short" Monica said. "With Emma's cold and everything."
"She won't be any less sick in New York" Chandler pointed out.
"I don't know about you, but I don't think a wet, cold camping site is the best place to be when you want to avoid being sick."
"Fine, you plan next vacation" Chandler said and sighed.
Monica rolled up on her side and stroke his cheek with her index finger.
"Am I annoying you?" she asked.
"Nah..." he replied. "I'm used to it. Hardened, one might even say."
Monica smiled slightly. They were quiet for a few minutes.
"You think we're disturbing the kids with our talk?" Monica then asked.
"With the incredibly thick, soundproof door between us and them?" Chandler sarcastically asked. "Nah..." He chuckled. "You know, that's one of the things I love about parenthood. You get to set the rules."
Monica laughed.
"I thought you were gonna say something completely different!"
"Well think about it" Chandler said with a grin. "Finally you get to be the one who sets the rules instead of the one who follows them. Like if the kids were talking we could tell them to shut up, but we can talk as much as we want to you and I!"
"With no consideration whatsoever to our poor children who want to sleep" Monica said. "Maybe we shouldn't put our apply for 'Parents of the Year' in the mail just yet."
Chandler laughed.
"Truth or dare?"
"Truth."
"Are you still scared?" Chandler asked.
"No" Monica said. "I feel much better now."
"Good" Chandler said.
He leaned in and kissed her. She kissed him back and they kept kissing until Monica moved on top of him.
"Truth or dare?" she asked.
"Dare."
"Okay..." she said and leaned in to whisper in his ear. "Can you have sex without making a single noise?"
"Kinky" Chandler replied.
"Damn it Chandler, can't you just find home?" Monica moaned and closed her eyes in frustration.
"Well maybe I would have if I'd have a map reader who could tell a tree from the town Blumville!" Chandler angrily replied.
"Map reader? You know, maybe I would have been able to tell the tree from the town if you hadn't yanked the map away from me right away!"
"I'm cold" Emma complained from the back seat. "Dad, can you turn the heat up?"
"In the car, not the argument" Bridget muttered.
"Chandler it's late, it's dark, we're in the goddamned woods!" Monica said. "Would you stop playing around and get us out of here?"
"Oh you mean the joke's not funny anymore?" Chandler sarcastically said and gave her a look.
"Don't say swearwords in front of small children" Bridget said. "Fran learns enough of them from kindergarten."
"I don't even go to kindergarten" Francesca protested.
"Well you will learn enough of them from there" Bridget said.
"Monica if you would just stop nagging and let me concentrate on my driving..." Chandler said.
"What driving?" Monica asked. "What's our top speed been since we left the camping site, 10 miles per hour?"
"We have a trailer with us, don't we?"
"Still no reason to go in snail speed!"
"Urgh" Chandler said. "Just be quiet and let me handle this, okay?"
"Yeah, because I can always trust you to handle things" Monica said angrily and turned the heat up before Emma could complain again.
"I know where we are, okay?" Chandler said.
"Chandler when a man says 'We're not lost, I know exactly where we are', he actually means 'No one will ever see us alive again. We're gonna die out here'."
"I don't want to die out here!" Francesca exclaimed from the back seat.
"Way to go, Mon..." Chandler said.
"We're not going to die, sweetie" Monica assured Fran. "We may have to live here for a while, but..."
"You know, that is it Mon, one more word out of you and--" Chandler stopped himself suddenly.
"And what?" Monica asked.
"And you'll be the one to go for gas."
"What?"
"We're out of gas" Chandler hissed to her, so that the children wouldn't hear.
"Tell me you're kidding!"
"Oh I'm not."
"Damn it!" Monica said. "How could this have happened? I told you to security check the car before we left!"
"What the hell does security checking have to do with gas?" Chandler asked.
"You start the car to see how much gas you have left in the tank!" Monica said. "Chandler do you realize what this means? We're stuck out here! I can virtually hear that Blair witch knocking on the car window!"
"What witch?" Anthony asked in a scared voice.
"A nice witch who comes with gas for the car" Chandler said.
"What the hell do we do now?" Monica asked. "We can't call anyone and ask them for help, because we don't even know where on earth we are! We barely know what state we're in!"
"Okay, okay, time out..." Chandler said and turned the car off, leaving only the radio on. "Kids? Mom and I are gonna have a little chat... outside... You wait in here, okay?"
"Okay, but can we go home then?" Francesca asked. "Anthony's scared."
"Am not!" Anthony objected.
Chandler got out of the car after turning the lights on inside, and Monica reluctantly got out as well. Chandler walked over to her side of the car as she started rubbing her arms.
"Did we really have to go out here? It's scary?" she complained.
"Do you want to have this discussion in front of the kids?" Chandler asked, and then jumped at a noise. "What was that?"
"It was you who leaned against the car" Monica informed him. "Chandler what are we gonna do now? I don't feel like spending the night out here, even in the trailer!"
"I was thinking maybe we could wait for someone to come by" Chandler said.
"Who?" Monica asked. "Nobody comes by a road like this for no reason in the middle of the night!"
"Maybe other people are having trouble finding their way back" Chandler said.
"We'd better not call that plan A" Monica said. "More like plan W. Now what are we going to do?"
"I don't know... Wouldn't it be perfect if a gas station turned out to be lying around the next corner?"
"Because that is likely to happen" Monica said. "Look, I'm afraid we're gonna have to walk to the nearest... place where we can find help."
"Walk somewhere? In this darkness? Monica that's insane. For one, we don't know what might be lurking out there."
"I know, but we won't be that much safer sitting inside a cold car."
"Well what about the kids then?" Chandler said. "Fran's too little to walk who knows how far, Emma's got that cold..."
"One of us could stay with them and one of us could go."
"No, I refuse to go by myself and I won't let you go by yourself either..."
"Argh, I cannot believe you!" Monica growled. "How the hell did you manage to miss the fact that we had no gas?"
"Gee, maybe because we had gas when we left!"
"And it never occurred to you that maybe we'd run out of it sooner or later?"
"Look, maybe we should just... call someone on my cellular and see if they have the slightest idea where we are!"
"Probably not, because whoever answers is probably a man" Monica said and gave him a look.
"Thanks" Chandler muttered and opened the car door.
"What's going on?" Bridget asked.
"I need to find my cellphone" Chandler said.
"Yeah, your cellphone's out of batteries" Bridget said and handed it to him.
"What?" Chandler said. "Not true!"
"Yes it is."
"How can the batteries be dead?"
"Because you let us use it to play games" Bridget pointed out.
"Shit..."
"What?" Monica asked.
"Mon, do you have a cellphone?"
"You know I don't."
"Uh-oh..." Chandler said.
"What's going on?" Monica asked.
"The batteries in mine are kinda' dead."
"Kinda' dead?" Monica repeated. She moaned loudly. "God, you really are an imbecile Chandler."
"Why is getting everyone out of here suddenly my responsibility?" Chandler asked.
"Because you got us into this mess in the first place!"
"Well if you really think I'm that bad at finding the right way home then you shouldn't have slept when we left the camping! You should have helped me find the way!"
"As if you would have listened!"
"Cut it out, stop fighting" Emma complained. "Be constructive and get us out of here, my head hurts!"
Chandler got back outside the car and closed the door.
"So now what do we do?"
"Wait for the tooth fairy to come by and rescue us?" Monica suggested.
"Very, very funny" Chandler said. "What time is it even? It's really dark."
"It's ten" Monica said with a glance at her watch. "We left two hours ago. No wonder we have nada gas!"
"Well that stupid camping site should have a gas station since it's in the middle of nowhere and people need gas to get out of here!" Chandler said.
"You know what Chandler, this is all your fault!" Monica angrily said.
"No it's not!" Chandler objected.
"Oh yes it is!" Monica said. "All you had to do was follow the map and make sure we had enough gas!"
"Why is everything related to this car my responsibility?" Chandler asked.
"When you drive, you take responsibility" Monica angrily said.
"Yeah, I take responsibility for keeping the car on the road!" Chandler said. "Not for finding my way out of the damn Sherwood forest!"
"So whose responsibility is that then?" Monica asked.
"Can we please be a little bit more constructive here?" Chandler asked. "Arguing about it is useless."
"Yeah, well it sure makes me feel better" Monica said.
Chandler didn't reply. He crossed his arms grumpily and leaned against the car. Monica crossed her arms as well and looked in another direction. They were quiet for a while and then Chandler jumped slightly.
"Mon did you hear that?"
"No" Monica said. "Now get in the car, we're gonna freeze our butts off out here."
"Seriously Mon, did you hear that?"
"Seriously, no I did not. Now get in the car."
She reached for the door handle when Chandler jumped again. She moaned and tried to listen to what he was jumping at. It sounded like a crunching noise.
"Monica do you hear it now?" Chandler asked, sounding really scared.
"Sounds like someone walking on the gravel" Monica said.
"You don't think it's the Blair witch, do you?"
Monica was just about to reply when she got blinded by a light. She reached her hand up to cover the source of the light.
"Oh, sorry" someone said and pulled the flashlight that was blinding them down. Chandler and Monica could see an old couple. "What are you two doing lurking about out here this late at night?"
"We're lost, out of gas and out of batteries for the cellphone" Monica said. "And boy are we glad to see you."
"You're not a psychotic pair of killers, right?" Chandler nervously asked.
"No" the old man said.
"Do you need any help?" the old woman asked.
"Well yeah..." Monica said.
"Well follow us, we live just a couple of yards that way" the woman said and pointed.
"Monica..." Chandler said hushed to Monica. "I don't think we should go with them. Who knows what kind of freaks they are?"
"If you want to stay here and wait for the tooth fairy then be my guest" Monica answered. She opened the door the car's back seat. "Come on kids, get your jackets, we're going for a little walk with the nice couple here."
"Here you go dear, here's a better map than the one you've got" the old woman said and handed Monica a map.
"Thanks, Mrs. Douglas" Monica said, not bothering to give Chandler as much as a glare. "Now where on this map are we, exactly?"
"What difference does it make?" Chandler asked. "We can't get out of here anyway without gas."
"Come with me" the old man said and waved Chandler with him. Chandler hesitated but followed him to the garage. "If you need gas for your car I can sell you some."
"Sell me some?" Chandler repeated.
"Yes, I have some right in here" the old man said and lifted up a can.
"You just happen to have a can of gasoline lying around" Chandler said, very skeptically.
"Yes" the man said. "This is not the first time we've found a family lost out here with no gas in their fuel tanks. Here's some advice, let the woman do the map reading."
Chandler rolled his eyes.
"How do I know that there's gasoline in that thing?" he asked. "You might just be out to trick me."
"You can smell it if you want" the man offered.
"No thanks" Chandler said and wrinkled his nose. "Fine, I'll buy it from you... How the hell am I supposed to get this into the car?"
"The usual way" the man said.
"The usual way would involve a hose of some kind" Chandler said. "How much do you want for that thing?"
The old man told him his price and Chandler sighed. He hoped it really was gas, and that it was enough to get them to the nearest gas station. He didn't trust the couple, but he wanted to get away from there as soon as possible. Monica came in followed by the children and the old woman.
"So what do you say, buy this 'gas' or stay here forever?" Chandler said.
Monica ignored him and turned to the old man, asking him how much he wanted for the gas. She paid him and borrowed a hose and a flashlight and left Chandler and the kids with the old couple. She came back ten minutes later.
"Great, thank you so much Mr. and Mrs. Douglas" she said. "Kids, let's get out of here."
She lifted Francesca up and walked outside. Chandler lifted Emma up, reluctantly thanked the old couple and then followed Monica and the children back to the car.
Emma sighed and rolled over on her side. She was really tired but couldn't go back to sleep. Her head and throat were aching and she had a fever. And she could hear her Mom yelling at her Dad over the events earlier that night.
"Bridge?" she whispered.
"What?" Bridget asked. "Emma it's far past one o'clock at night! Just because I agreed to sleep here with you tonight it doesn't mean I'm up for sisterly chit chat!"
"I can't sleep!"
"Neither can I when you're talking."
"Can you hear Mom and Dad?" Emma asked.
"Now that you mention it" Bridget said and sharpened her ears for a second. "Wow... Mom's really pissed."
"Isn't she? You think she's gonna be mad at him long?"
"No" Bridget said. "She's just gonna be really mad for a day or two, then it will pass. I sure wouldn't want to be in his shoes right now though."
"Can you hear what she's saying?"
"If I can hear anything and I tell you what I hear, will you let me go back to sleep?" Bridget asked.
"Maybe."
Bridget listened hard for a minute.
"She's telling him he put us all at risk or something, and that he's always this irresponsible and that she's scared to think what could have happened."
"Now I'm scared!" Emma said. "What's Daddy saying to all that?"
"Can you hear Dad say anything?" Bridget asked.
"No."
"All right then" Bridget said and rolled over on her side.
Emma swallowed carefully, hoping it would hurt less that way, and tried to listen to what her mother was saying. But her head hurt worse when she tried to concentrate.
"Dad!" she called out.
"Now what?" Bridget moaned. "Don't bother them!"
"I have to" Emma said. "Dad!" she called out again.
After a minute Chandler showed up.
"What is it honey?" he asked. "Don't wake your sister. It's really, really late."
"Can I get a pain pill?" Emma asked.
"Sure" Chandler said. He left and returned with a glass of water and a pain pill. "There you go... Now try to sleep, okay?"
"Okay" Emma said. "Thanks Dad."
"Okay" Chandler said. He left the room and closed the door carefully. He walked back to Monica in the kitchen. "Okay, what else is there you wanted to yell to me?" he asked.
"I'm all done now" Monica angrily said. "God, you're such an idiot!"
"Goodnight" Chandler said and went to the bathroom with Monica in tow.
"What if we hadn't been found by the Douglas'?" Monica asked. "We would have been stuck out there still!"
"You think?" Chandler said.
"From now on, you don't get to drive this family anywhere!"
"Would you let it go?" Chandler said. "You're not the only one who got scared tonight."
"Unlike you I didn't get scared of the Blair witch!" Monica said.
"Oh yes you did."
"Well that's just because--"
"Damn it, it's really, really, really, really late!" Chandler said. "Can we please do this tomorrow? I can't listen to any more of this! And you said you were done yelling!"
"I'm gonna go sleep in Bridget's room" Monica said. "Otherwise I'll probably end up giving you a very hard kick once we get into bed!"
"Ugh, I hate it when you do that" Chandler moaned.
Monica turned and stomped off to Bridget's room. Chandler got into bed and fell asleep almost instantly. He woke with a start when someone got on the bed.
"I'm still incredibly mad at you" Monica said, getting into bed. "But I'd rather sleep in here with you."
Chandler nodded and went back to sleep. He didn't get to sleep for long until Monica woke him up again.
"What is it this time?" Chandler angrily moaned.
"Argh, I just can't go to sleep!" Monica said.
"Bad for you. Now goodnight."
"Chandler!" Monica angrily said. "Damn it, it's your fault I can't go to sleep!"
"Like hell it is!" Chandler angrily said. "No Monica, it's your fault that I can't go to sleep."
"I can't stop thinking about the risk that you put us in tonight, or what might have happened if--"
"Let it go" Chandler said through gritted teeth.
"No, and you know why?"
"No and I don't care" Chandler said. "There's no point. We're back home, we're safe. And I'm way too tired to let you fight."
"Let me fight?" Monica echoed angrily.
"Let me brief you on how our fights look" Chandler mumbled. "You yell, I listen."
"That is so not true" Monica said.
"Yes it is. The few times you let me have a word in you don't listen to what I have to say."
"Liar" Monica said. "You are just afraid to admit that you screwed up royally tonight! You put us all in danger and--"
"And now we're back home again. Monica shut up and let me go to sleep!"
"I am not done yet!"
"Yes you are. You have been yelling at me since we put the kids to bed" Chandler said and glared at her. "I've heard everything until I'm sick of it! Change the record, or for once in your life accept the fact that everything that happens that is bad is not my fault. You could have checked if we had gas. You could have read the map. You could have noticed that Emma was showing signs of a cold before we left. You could have been helpful instead of ranking down at me in front of our children."
"I don't understand how you could sit there and drive and completely miss the fact that we were low on gas!" Monica said.
"Enough!" Chandler said, raising his voice as much as he dared to. "You are not listening to me! You never listen to me when we fight! It's like arguing with a damn brick wall, and I won't have anymore of it! I can't argue with someone who ignores every point I make. You go ahead and you bitch about tonight, but I'm not going to listen. Until you start listening to me I am through listening to you and your rants and your complains. After fifteen years I've had about as much as a man can take."
"I do listen to you" Monica said. "But do you listen to me?"
"Oh yes I do" Chandler said. "That's all I do when we fight. And this particular fight is over. You can't yell at me like this just because you got scared. I got scared tonight too, and you've done nothing to support me. Nothing at all."
"That's... not true..." Monica said, hesitating slightly.
"You call lashing out on me in front of my kids support?" Chandler asked. "You call keeping me awake all night just so you can make me feel bad support? Now for the last time Monica, goodnight."
He rolled over on his side and pulled the pillow over his head. Monica, who was sitting up in bed, didn't lie back down. She looked at his back turned to her and thought about what he had said. She knew she was too tired to think it through completely, and she hoped he hadn't meant everything he'd said. She knew she hadn't meant everything she'd said to him either, but she had been very upset and scared, and the only way she knew how to get it out of her system was by taking it out on him. She suddenly realised that and took a closer look at Chandler.
"Hey..." she said, leaning in and giving him a light shake.
"I want a divorce" Chandler complained, sounding near tears.
"Chandler..." Monica said and shook him again. "Look, I just wanted to say... Sorry."
"You're not forgiven" Chandler said.
"But I'm still sorry" Monica said and lay down close to him. She put her arm around his waist and her head by his neck. "I just want to be the perfect wife, and when I fail I get really frustrated."
"Don't talk" Chandler said. "Don't try to make me feel bad or apologise to you. Just go to sleep."
"Will you forgive me?" Monica asked.
"Right now I'll do just about anything if only you would shut up."
Monica sighed and closed her eyes. She had been afraid that she would have nightmares earlier, but right now she felt really safe. Sleeping close to Chandler made her feel a lot better. She wanted to tell him that, but decided to wait until the morning.
"Do we have everything that we need?" Monica asked a year later, as they were getting ready for a fishing trip.
"Yes" Chandler answered. "For the millionth time, yes."
"I can't believe you're letting me tag along to your guys fishing trip, this is so exciting!" Monica said.
Chandler and Anthony shared a look and they both sighed. Since Anthony's tenth birthday earlier that year Chandler and Joey had started taking Anthony out fishing during the weekends. But this weekend Joey was busy, and Chandler had in a weak moment asked Monica to come with them.
"Girls!" Monica called out. "Come on down, would you?"
Emma, Bridget and Francesca reluctantly came down the stairs in a neat row, followed by Chopin.
"Are you leaving?" Francesca asked.
"Yes" Monica said. "Now say bye bye to mama!"
"And dada" Chandler filled in.
"Yeah" Monica reluctantly agreed. She gave the girls a hug each. "You be good while we're gone! And remember, Rachel will be over real soon and when she gets here she's boss! No more tricking her into letting you guys have parties, okay?"
"Fine" Emma said.
"Okay, we're off!" Monica said and picked up her small bag. "See you guys in a few days! Aww, I'm gonna miss you!"
"This is going to be worse than when you and Dad went to Spain for your anniversary, isn't it?" Bridget asked with a sigh.
"Oh come on, I don't think anything tops that" Chandler said, having the goodbye scene from their trip to Spain earlier that year in fresh memory.
"Okay, I'm just gonna go out the door!" Monica said and walked out.
"You guys be good" Chandler said.
"Aren't we always?" Francesca asked.
"No" Chandler said. "Come on Anthony. Bye girls."
"Bye" the girls said.
Chandler, Monica and Anthony left to go out fishing, and Bridget and Francesca went to their rooms. Emma waited until five minutes had gone by, then she walked over to the phone and dialled.
"Hey" she said. "It's Emma. They've left, you can come over now!"
"Do you always catch this little fish?" Monica asked when she picked Anthony and Chandler up on Saturday afternoon. She had decided not to come out on the lake with them, since she had discovered there were lots of other things to do in the area than just fish.
"Bad luck" Chandler said.
"Dad never catches fish" Anthony said.
"I do so!" Chandler said.
"That stickleback doesn't count" Anthony said.
"It was seven sticklebacks" Chandler said. "You just have the better rod, that's all..."
"It should be good, you spent three hours in the store trying it out when we decided to get him one for his birthday" Monica pointed out. "Now since we don't have any fish to cook to dinner, I suggest we stop by Seven/Eleven. I saw one on my way over here, it's quite close to the cabin actually. So what do you say, Seven/Eleven or Dad's seven sticklebacks?"
"He threw them back in" Anthony said.
"So it's Seven/Eleven then?"
"Yeah" Anthony said. "Can we get hamburgers?"
"That's not fishing trip food" Chandler complained.
"So?" Monica and Anthony said in one voice.
"Fine, I know when I'm outnumbered" Chandler muttered.
Monica sighed and glanced at her watch for the fifth time. She was freezing and she was bored. Chandler had said it would only be a short while longer, but she had waited for them for half an hour by now. It was Sunday and she wanted to go home.
"Could you hurry up?" she whined. "You said we were just going to go here for a few minutes in the morning so you could fix something! Well it's been a few minutes, let's get going!"
"Yeah, just a second honey" Chandler said.
"You said 'just a second honey' fifteen minutes ago!"
"I know."
Monica rolled her eyes. She doubted they would be on their way within an hour.
"Damn..." Chandler muttered.
"What?" Monica asked, not understanding what was up.
"Here, hold this for a second" Chandler said and handed her his rod.
Monica sighed and obediently held it. After a minute she felt a twitch in the rod.
"Chandler?" she said. "I think I caught a fish."
"It's just a stickleback, honey" Chandler said.
"Whoa!" Monica exclaimed when the rod was yanked forward. "One strong stickleback, that's for sure!"
"I think you caught something else!" Anthony said. "Cool Mom, reel it in!"
"How?" Monica asked.
Chandler reluctantly instructed her and watched her pull up a large perch.
"Cool!" Anthony exclaimed. "Wow, look at that!"
"Hey!" Monica said contentedly. "Look Chandler! I guess I'm pretty good at this, huh honey?"
"Beginner's luck" Chandler said.
"Oh come on" Monica said with a huge grin. She playfully punched him lightly on the arm. "Your wife's pretty good at this!"
"I can't believe you just caught a perch!" Anthony said in awe.
"Oh anyone can do that" Chandler said. "There just... has to be a perch in the water! Give me the rod!"
He grabbed the rod from Monica just as she'd unhooked the large fish and put some more bate on. He threw it back in the water and patiently waited for another fish to bite. Monica and Anthony shared a look.
"I'm gonna go put my fish in the car!" Monica said contentedly. "You coming with me Anthony or you staying here?"
"Coming with" Anthony decided.
"Chandler won't you just give up?" Monica asked five hours later. "You're not going to catch one!"
"I'm not giving up quite yet!" Chandler said.
"Tony and I want to leave!"
"Look, I'm just gonna get another one to bite and that one I'll reel in!"
Monica sighed and walked closer to him. She sat down next to him and waited. She knew a fish would bite soon, it had happened each time she'd gotten close to him.
"Yes!" Chandler exclaimed. "I got one!"
Monica shook her head. She knew that if she helped him he would manage to reel it in, but if she didn't he would end up losing it.
"Damn it!" Chandler said.
"Lost it?" Monica asked, even though she already knew the answer. "Chandler please, let's just go home! We've already missed going to that minigolf place that Anthony wanted to go to. We won't have time to stop and play now. Just hand me the rod, get on your feet and let's go!"
"Fine" Chandler muttered and handed her the rod. He rose and she did the same.
"Oh wait!" Monica said. "I got one!"
"No fair!" Chandler complained.
"I am on fire!" Monica happily exclaimed as she pulled another large fish out of the water. She looked up at Chandler and saw the look on his face. "Yeah, I'll let this one go back into the water and we can go."
Chandler walked back to the car where Anthony was waiting for them, without bothering to wait for Monica. Monica looked at the fish and decided to bring it anyway, and followed Chandler.
"Kids, Rachel, we're home!" Monica called out when they arrived back at the house two hours later.
"Already?" she heard Emma reply from upstairs.
"Just an hour early" Monica said. "And hello to you too! Where is everyone, you have to come see what Mommy caught!"
"Or not" Chandler said, putting the cooler with the fish in it down. "Man, this thing sure is heavy!"
Monica hung off her jacket and glanced up the stairs.
"Emma? Aren't you gonna come downstairs to say hello?"
"Hello" Emma answered.
Monica and Chandler shared a look. Chandler took his outdoor clothes off and followed Monica up the stairs.
"Emma Phoebe Bing, what on earth is going on?" Monica asked as they walked up the stairs. "Why won't you come downstairs to say hello to us?"
She stopped when she reached the top of the stairs and saw Emma on the couch. Chandler walked into her since she stopped so suddenly.
"Ow" he complained.
"Well my, my..." Monica said, taken by surprise.
"Hey..." Emma said nervously.
"Hey" Monica and Chandler replied, both taken by surprise.
"Mom, Dad..." Emma said. "This is Simon."
"Hey" the boy with Emma on the couch said nervously.
"Awww!" Anthony exclaimed, showing up next to Monica on the stairs. "You go away for a weekend and you miss everything!"
"Awkward moment, awkward moment" Chandler muttered to Monica.
"So may I ask..." Monica said, crossing her arms. "Why is there a Simon here instead of Rachel?"
"Oh, Rachel's out with Francesca at the playground" Emma said. "They took the dog with them."
"So has Simon been here long?"
"A... couple of hours..." Emma said.
"Maybe I should go" Simon said awkwardly and got off the couch.
"I'll walk you out!" Emma offered.
"Nice to meet you, Mr and Mrs Bing" Simon said as he passed by Monica and Chandler on his way down the stairs.
Chandler and Monica shared a look once they were alone upstairs.
"What did we miss, really?" Monica asked.
"Who is he?" Chandler asked.
"I think Emma's got a boyfriend" Monica said with a grin.
"Nuh-uh!" Chandler said.
"How cute!" Monica said. "Aww, our first kid to date!"
"Stop it!" Chandler said, clearly upset. "That was not her... her... her bo... her boyfr... I can't even say it!"
"Her boyfriend" Monica said with a grin. "Oh come on honey. They were way too embarrassed for it to be anything else!"
"Hey, Emma does not have a boyfriend" Chandler insisted. "Because first of all, she's not even a teenager yet!"
"She's twelve" Monica said with a shrug to the shoulder. "Simon's probably in her class... You just don't want to admit it."
"If she had a boyfriend I'd know about it" Chandler said.
"You do know about it" Monica pointed out, still grinning. She was in a great mood and she was really enjoying teasing him.
"I don't like Simon" Chandler decided. "He's bad for Emma!"
"You know nothing at all about him" Monica said.
"I know that he's a suspect of dating my daughter!" Chandler said. "That makes him a bad kid."
Monica smiled wider and gave him a kiss on the cheek. She heard the door to Emma's room close and walked downstairs followed by Chandler. She went over to Emma's room and knocked on the door.
"What is it?" Emma asked, sounding nervous.
"So who's Simon?" Monica asked, opening the door.
"He's just... someone..." Emma answered.
"Someone you bring home to the couch?" Chandler asked with crossed arms.
"He's a... friend."
"A boyfriend? " Monica asked with perched eyebrows.
"Mom!" Emma said and blushed.
"Are we being a pain in the ass?" Monica asked and grinned wider.
"Mom, please" Emma said and looked away.
"Okay. Just remember to tell us when you decide to bring boyfriends over, okay?" Monica said.
"Is he really your boyfriend?" Chandler asked, sounding upset.
"Well I guess so..." Emma said.
"You're just a kid!" Chandler objected.
"Honey" Monica said. "As long as he doesn't want to stay the night or comes over here with condoms, I think it's okay."
"Mom!" Emma exclaimed.
"Mon!" Chandler exclaimed at the same time.
"Come along now Daddy" Monica said and pulled Chandler with her, closing Emma's door. "We've got some fish to put in the freezer."
"I don't like this. I don't like this one little bit" Chandler muttered and started helping Monica with unpacking the fish.
"Chandler..." Monica said. "She's not gonna be your baby forever, you know. And besides, when you're that age, having a boyfriend isn't too serious. So they kiss each other, big deal? It will probably be a few years before they use their tongues--"
"Stop talking, stop talking right now!" Chandler said.
"Sorry" Monica said with a chuckle.
"How can this possibly amuse you?" Chandler asked.
"I don't know" Monica said with a grin. "Now, can you unpack while I make dinner?"
"Can't we wait?" Chandler asked. "Rachel won't be home with Fran and Chopin for probably another half-hour, and I haven't seen Bridget since we got back."
"Where is she?" Monica wondered with a frown.
"I'll bet she's at the stable" Chandler said.
"She'd better come home soon" Monica said. "Or else she's in trouble."
"I think she's learned her lesson" Chandler said. "Since you grounded her that time she lost track of time and came home 90 minutes late."
"Well I had been worried sick!" Monica said. "Who can blame me?"
"Yeah, well I still think grounding her was a bit rough."
"You always think everything I do with Bridget is rough" Monica said, no longer in a good mood. "Now go unpack the bags."
"Yes, master" Chandler said with rolling eyes.
"Fine, I'll do it myself!" Monica said.
She grabbed the bags and went to their room. Chandler sat down by the kitchen table and sighed. He was shocked by finding out Emma had a boyfriend. In his eyes, she was still at least ten years too young to have any boyfriends. And he was very surprised to have found out this way. He would have thought she'd tell him if there was a boy she was interested of, but Chandler had never heard a word about anyone named Simon before. Monica came back after fifteen minutes and smiled when she saw him.
"It really bothers you that much?" she asked.
"She was in diapers like yesterday, how can she have a boyfriend?" Chandler asked.
"Kids grow up fast" Monica said.
"And how come I didn't see this coming?" Chandler asked. "You would think she'd tell me if she liked some guy!"
"It's not exactly something you rush home to tell your father" Monica pointed out.
"I thought she would tell me something like that. Bridget wouldn't, and I don't think Fran would when she gets old enough... But I thought Emma would."
"She can't be your baby girl forever" Monica pointed out again. "It probably won't last long with Simon. And even if it does, it will probably just be a friend type thing. They're friends who share a kiss now and then..."
"They're boyfriend and girlfriend" Chandler muttered. "This sucks!"
"You do know that whether or not she has a boyfriend at the age of twelve, she will get boyfriends when she's older. Boyfriends like you were my boyfriend."
"I truly hate that thought" Chandler said. "I'm losing her!"
"No you're not" Monica said.
"You know what this reminds me of?" Chandler asked. "You know what this so reminds me of?"
"I don't know, an episode of 'Baywatch'?"
"It reminds me of that guy who made such an obvious pass at you a couple of years ago, what was his name?"
"Richard" Monica calmly stated. "And Chandler, this is nothing like that."
"I wasn't thinking about Richard" Chandler said. "But it does remind me of that too. No, I meant that guy who called you at home wanting to take you out and stuff."
"That was Joey" Monica reminded him. "Who wanted company for a Knicks game."
"No" Chandler said. "That... Lon... guy..."
"Oh" Monica said. "Him. How does this remind you of him?"
"That was a stupid idiot trying to take my wife from me" Chandler said. "And now there's a stupid twit trying to take my daughter from me!"
"Please tell me you know the difference between a guy hitting on your wife and a boy seeing your daughter" Monica said.
"Yes of course, I'm not that weird! But it's really similar feelings! Plus, this time I can't do anything about it! Except... Hey, is murder illegal in all states?"
"Yes" Monica said. "And you can't kill every guy who touches one of your daughters. Besides, let them make their own mistakes."
"The only mistake they're making is not entering a convict!"
"You wouldn't be sad if she never got to have a meaningful relationship?" Monica asked.
"No, celibate daughter, happy father!"
"They can't all become nuns" Monica said. "How would we then get grandchildren?"
"Tony" Chandler said. "He's the solution to all of our grandchild problems."
"Chandler..." Monica said.
"You know, I think we should let Ben spend some more time with Emma!" Chandler said. "And with Francesca as well. And some with Bridget. Maybe he can get them all superreligious and then make them want to join a convict!"
"Hey, quit cheating me of my grandkids!" Monica said.
Chandler didn't say anything else. He kept unusually quiet until the family was gathered for dinner. Monica had cooked one of the fishes she had caught earlier that day. Chandler tasted it and made a face.
"Monica" he said.
"Yeah?"
"This tastes... kinda' gross."
Monica gave him an annoyed look.
"Just because you're jealous that I'm a better fisher than you are, and just because you're having an unusually bad day, it doesn't mean you have to rank at my food!"
"Daddy's right" Emma said with a frown. "Mom this doesn't taste too good."
"Actually it tastes like something you shouldn't feed to pigs!" Bridget said and frowned deeply.
"Hey!" Monica said.
"Mom, maybe you caught a poisoned fish" Anthony suggested. "That would be cool!"
"This does not taste like poisoned fish!" Monica said and took a bite. She realized they were right, it didn't taste good at all. But she was not going to admit it. "What are you talking about, this tastes just fine" she said.
"Monica?" Chandler said. "It doesn't."
"Yes it does."
"No it really doesn't."
"Mamma, it tastes like cat food" Francesca said.
"Fish is cat food" Monica said.
"Tunafish is cat food" Chandler said. "Perch is not."
"Some cats eat perch!" Monica said. "And this does not taste bad. Give me a break, it's perfectly fine! You don't think I know how to prepare fish?"
"Maybe it's the actual fish that tastes bad" Bridget suggested.
"Either way, it tastes worse than when I try to make meatballs" Chandler said.
"Yeah, I actually miss your meatballs right about now" Emma said.
"Cut it out" Monica said firmly. "This is the only dinner that's offered tonight. Either eat it or leave it. And there will be no eating fruit or sandwiches later, so don't try to sneak out on dinner."
Monica angrily watched as the others tried to eat the fish. Chandler gave up first.
"Look honey, I can't eat this" he said. "I'm sorry, but it just tastes really bad."
"Me neither" Francesca said.
Chandler avoided Monica's glare and left the table together with Francesca, after cleaning up from his dinner. The three remaining kids soon left the table as well. Once she was alone, Monica gave up on trying to eat the fish. She glanced over at the dog dish and put her fish in Chopin's bowl.
"There you go, Chopin" she said. "Enjoy dinner."
Chopin raced over to the bowl, took a taste and then sniffed and left the kitchen. Monica angrily cleared off the table.
"Seriously, where did she go?" Bridget asked and looked in the direction Monica had left the kitchen. "Shouldn't she be back by now?"
"I'll go talk to her" Francesca said and began to rise.
"No" Anthony said, stopping her. "I'll go."
Francesca reluctantly sat and watched her brother go to find Monica. She turned to her sisters.
"So... Has anyone figured out what could be wrong?"
"Not a clue" Emma said with a sigh. "Damn it! I wish Dad was here... He always knew what to do with Mom..."
"I think Dad not being here is the source of this particular problem" Bridget said.
"Damn it, why does she have to be so weird?" Emma asked, starting to cry. "First Dad dies, then Mom starts acting like a stranger. Feels like we lost both of them."
"Well we didn't" Francesca said. "And we all know how something like this can affect a person... She'll probably be acting like this for a while. You know Mamma, whenever she's weak or vulnerable, or scared, she does everything she can to hide it. And when she knows she can't hide it, she gets even more frustrated."
"I hope Tony can find out what's really going on" Bridget said, and put an arm around Emma.
"I think we should just leave her alone" Francesca said. "Let her be sad in peace."
"I don't think that's a good idea" Bridget said. "Remember that time she hardly spoke for ages?"
"You can't claim to remember that" Francesca said.
They were quiet for a while, waiting to see if Anthony would return and if Monica would be with him. Emma ceased to cry after a while and she rose to get a pain pill for the headache she'd gotten from crying.
"Oh what a life..." she mumbled to herself.
"What a family" Bridget added with a sigh. "Six freaks and a pair of dead twins."
"Bridge!" Francesca said.
"Don't call Dad a freak" Emma said and came back to sit.
"But the rest of us are okay to call freaks?" Bridget asked.
"Can we please not talk for a while?" Emma asked. "All of this chatter is making my headache worse."
"Fine" Bridget mumbled.
"Yeah okay" Francesca agreed as well.
"Good..." Emma said. "Thanks."
"No problem" Francesca said in a whisper.
Her eyes had fallen on a picture on the windowpane, of her parents before they were married. She could hardly tell that those two people were her parents. They looked different from the people Fran knew. Her Dad's hair had no grey in it and her Mom's face had no wrinkles in it. She wondered why her Mom still kept that picture around. She didn't know anybody who liked having pictures of themselves when they were young. She wondered if maybe her Mom still kept the picture around because she wanted to remember what it was like to be young, in love and childless. Francesca knew she sometimes wished she could go back to that state, even if she loved her two kids.
'I sure wonder what on earth happened to make Mamma so mad at him all of a sudden...' she thought. 'That look she has on her eyes in that picture is a look she still had when she looked at him just a few weeks ago. If she could still feel the same for him after half a century, it must have been something huge that made her mad at him after he died.'
Leave a review, please. I want all comments, whether they're good or bad. Tell me if I should bother to continue this fic or not. My e-mail address is still annapanna__@hotmail.com =), and it is still with 2 underlines.
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