WARNING

WARNING!!!! Spoilers for ep. 24!!! Also yaoi and some swearing. If you haven't seen up to ep. 24, or are offended by m/m relationships, then leave immediately. Otherwise, consider yourselves warned. ^_^

For Love of an Angel

By Sakura

            I wait for you out in the hall. Sitting down on the bench I put on my headphones and push play. Beethoven's 'Ode to Joy', the song you were humming earlier, starts to play. I close my eyes and lean back just listening to pure joy of the music.

            I think I am smiling as I am brought back to that moment we first met. I had been feeling miserable. My friends Kensuke and Touji had moved after the near destruction of the city, Asuka had disappeared, and I had just found out that Rei was actually a series of clones my father had been using as Eva's dummy plug. Misato meant well, but I didn't want to be comforted, what I wanted was to be left alone to try and sort all this out.

            That was why I was at the lake today. To think and sort things out. When I heard you humming I thought I was hearing things, so deep in thought I was. Then you began to speak. Your voice was just as soothing as any mother's could have been. When you smiled at me, I felt a warmth I've never felt before and all the misery I was feeling seemed to melt away in a manner of moments. Who are you Kaoru-kun to do this to me? To make me feel so?

            A hiss from the doors shocks me out of my thoughts and you step through, the doors hissing closed behind you.

            "You weren't waiting for me were you?" you say approaching the bench.

            I start to blush and remove my headphones, forgetting to shut off my walkman. "N-no. I-I wasn't. My heart is beating so fast, I can barely breathe. What is happening to me? Why do I feel like this when I'm with you?

            "Well, what are you doing for the rest of the day?"

            "Well, I usually take a shower and go home, but I really don't feel like going there now," I say feeling a blush coming to my face.

            "The fact that you have a place to return to, home, will make you happy. That is a good thing."

            "Do you think so?" I ask, puzzled. I am amazed at how wise you sound. I've only just met  you and I feel as though I've known you all my life. I wish we can have more time together. As if you read my mind, you begin to speak again.

            "I want to talk to you some more. May I come with you?"

            I stare at you confused as if you're speaking another language.

            "To the showers I mean. Aren't you going there?"

            "Y-yeah," I manage to stutter.

            "Or do you mean no?" you ask with an impish smile on your face.

            "No. I don't mean no." I can't speak! I seems that my tongue won't form the words or my mind has forgotten how to form them. I quickly get up and almost drop my walkman, which I realize is still playing. I finally remember to shut it off and do so.

            You place a hand on my shoulder and say, "Shall we go then?"

            "Um... yeah." I can feel myself blushing again as we head for the shower.

            Later, we sit in the bath, letting the hot water relax our tired muscles, not that yours seem tired at all. I avoid looking at you for I feel strange again. For some reason, I feel warmer than I usually am while I'm here. I find myself sneaking a look at you, blushing and grateful the steam blinds us a little.

            "You are extremely afraid of any initial contact aren't you? Are you that frightened of others?" Your voice breaks the awkward silence. "I know by keeping other people at a distance, you avoid getting hurt. Therefore, you may not be hurt that way, you must not forget you will have to face the loneliness. Men can never erase this sadness because all men are basically alone."

            I feel your hand grasp mine and I jump at the unexpected touch. I turn to face you and you lean forward until your lips touch mine. I try to pull back, but your hand magically holds me in place. You continue to kiss me; I feel something stir deep within me and I suddenly find myself kissing you back. The lights shut off and that shakes me back to reality. I manage to free myself from your hand, thankful you can't see my red face in this dark.

            "I-it's time," I begin to say.

            "Time to go?"

            "Y-yeah. I have to go to bed."

            "With me?"

            I almost jump through the ceiling at that. "N-no. I-I think you have your own room. Th-that they gave you, I mean." I stutter, not believing what you were suggesting. That is I hope you didn't mean anything by that. Did you?

            "Ok," you say, then step out of the bath.

            Have I hurt you? I didn't mean to. It was that you, no we, were going too fast. After all, we just met a few hours ago. Please don't be angry with me Kaoru-kun. I can't bear to lose another friend.

            "You know pain is something that man must endure in his heart. Since the heart is hurt so easily, some believe that life itself is pain."

            I blush when I accidentally get a look at your body, lit by the holoscreen in front of us, and quickly turn my head away. God! You're beautiful!

            "You're delicate like glass," you start to say again as you turn towards me and I continue to blush. "Your heart is, I mean."

            "It is?" I ask rather shyly.

            "Hai. This is worth earning my empathy."

            "Empathy?"

            "I'm saying I love you."

            We are at your apartment now. I'm lying on the futon on the floor; you're on the room's only bed. I don't know why I'm even here. I should be back at Misato-san's. She's got to be worried about me. She's probably going nuts now that Asuka is missing and I'd 'run off' again. I start to remember the last time I ran away for a few days and met Kensuke in that field.

            "I think I should sleep on the floor," you say once again breaking my train of thought.

            "No. I'm staying at your place. I'm fine. I'll be ok on the floor," I answer back.

            "What did you wish to say to me?" you suddenly ask.

            "Huh?"

            "You wanted to tell me something, didn't you?"

            Did I? I know I wanted to talk to you some more, Kaoru-kun, but is this the real reason why I'm here?

            "So much has happened since I came here. Before, I was staying with my teacher. It was calm and boring in those days." God! I sound like an old man! "I wasn't really doing anything, but I was fine with that. There wasn't really much I had to do."

            I've never said so much before in my whole life. In fact, I never told anyone what I really felt. What is going on with me? Are you doing this to me, Kaoru-kun? Why do I have this sudden urge to tell you everything?

            "Did you hate dealing with people that much?"

            "More or less, but I didn't care as much. I really hate my father, though."

            Why did I tell you that?! I've never told anyone that, not even my aunt and uncle who dumped me on my teacher.

            I turn to look at you to see your head is turned, facing mine, a broad smile on your face.

            "I may have been born just to meet you, Shinji-kun."

            I stare at you not sure what you meant by that. Before I know what's happening, you're on the floor next to me. "K-Kaoru-kun," I stutter, yet once again.

            Get a grip, Shinji! He's not going to hurt you, so stop acting like he was an enemy!

            You place a finger on my lips, silencing any further questions for the moment. I look at you again, bewildered. The same broad smile is still on your face. God! You're so kawaii when you smile. I feel my face turn red for the umpteenth time today. What is happening to me? I've never felt like this about another person, except for maybe Ayanami-san. But, thanks to Dr. Akagi, I'm not so sure how I feel about her now.

            You continue to smile as you cup my cheek. Then to my surprise, you kiss me again. I push at you trying to you away from me. I couldn't possibly be in love with you? Could I? I mean it was just unheard of, two boys loving each other like that. For me, a love like that only existed in shoujo manga. Yet, I did kiss you back in the bath.

            You back off a little only to gently take my hands in yours. I am blushing again at the feel of those soft, warm hands. You raise my arms over my head, pinning me to the futon nad begin to kiss me once more. I try to fight again, but part of me just won't let me and I suddenly stop struggling.

            "Aishiteru," I hear whispered in my ear. I am stunned yet again, by this simple admission of love.

            For the first time in this lonely life of mine, someone has told me what I've always wanted to hear. For the first time in fifteen years, I feel whole, alive. Is this what love feels like?

            You're kissing my neck now and my stomach starts tightening in a strange yet pleasant way. I feel you loosen the grip on my hands. Like lightning, I wrap one arm around you while I cup your head, holding it closer.

            I need you Kaoru-kun. Maybe that's why you came; to get me out of this loneliness I've been in for fifteen years.

            You stop nuzzling my neck to look at me, questioning. I do my best to stop blushing and smile before I place a kiss on your lips.

            An undetermined time later, I realize you are asleep in my arms, your head on my chest over my heart. I blush shortly, then pull the blanket over us as I drift back into sleep.

            I wake to find you're gone. I call for you thinking you've only gone to the bathroom or such usual morning thing. Hearing no answer, I search for you in the tiny apartment my father gave you. The only trace of you is my memory of last night and a note lying on the kitchen table. Smiling, I pick it up and begin to read.

                        'Forgive me, Shinji-kun. Aishiteru.

                        always.'

            I don't understand, but feel relieved that last night wasn't a dream.

            I get dressed for school adn make myself a quick breakfast. as I am about to leave, I hear a ringing sound coming from my pocket. I take out the cell phone and without thinking, answer it.

            "Shinji, we need you here right away," Misato-san's voice says on the other end. Sighing, I hang up and leave my school bag behind as I head for Nerv headquarters.

            I am shocked by what they are telling me and my heart is shattering. Like glass, just as you had said. Now I realize what the note meant, but I still deny it. You can't be one of THEM! It's a lie!

            I reluctantly put on my plug suit dan get into my Eva's entry plug. Once inside the Eva, I begin the descent after the one I called friend and love.

            I finally reach you after an agonizing eternity. "I've been waiting for you, Shinji-kun,"  you say in the same loving tone you used before. Still feeling hurt and betrayed, I pause my Eva, hanging in mid air.

            "You betrayed me! Just like my father!" I yell and lunge at you. Asuka's Eva blocks my way and I struggle against it, murmuring an apology to its absent pilot.

            "Why Kaoru-kun? Why?" I ask once Asuka's Eva stops fighting with me.

            "It's my destiny," you reply, "It's my destiny that I return to Adam."

            You go on to explain, but I don't understand a word you're saying, though I try hard to. You turn from me and look up. It is then I see a giant creature crucified before us. I has what appears to be a mask with seven eyes covering its face. I shudder in horror yet, I feel as though I know this creature. Is is an angel? Like him?

            "Only one of us can survive. I wish for it to be you, Shinji-kun," I hear you say.

            "W-what do you mean, Kaoru-kun?" I ask.

            "I want you to destroy me. Kill me, and the third impact will be avoided."

            Third impact? What in hell are you talking about? Why should I have to kill you? Sure you lied to me, but that's no reason to kill anyone.

            Eva's hand grabs you against my will and I feel it slowly begin to squeeze your slender body. You look up at me with a sad, broad smile, completely unafraid. "Remember, I will always love you, Shinji Ikari. Eien ni (Forever)," you say.

            That's it. I've had enough of this! Angel or not, I'm not going to do it. I force Eva's grip to relax a bit. "I love you too, Kaoru-kun. I'm sorry, I can't do it," I say as we begin an ascent back to Central Dogma.

            I'm getting an earful from Misato-san while my father just calmly watches. Typical of the bastard. Suddenly, she pulls out a gun and aims it at you. I react instantly and push her away, causing the bullet to whiz by you and strike the wall behind.

            My father's eyes widen in shock at my action. I move to stand protectively between them and you. "I don't care what any of you think," I say, surprising myself at my sudden development of a backbone. "Kaoru-kun may be an angel, but he's my friend! I won't let you kill him!"

            "Shinji," my father begins.

            "No father! The killing and destruction stops right now! Must you force me to destroy my only chance at happiness like you did with Touji and the city?!"

            I glare at the man who abandoned me so long ago. He pushes his glasses up his nose as he stares back. Misato-san's mouth is wide open in shock. I inwardly smile at that. For once, I no longer feel insecure.

            "Kaoru-kun and I are leaving. Right now. Don't even think of coming after us." I glare some more before grabbing your arm and turn to leave.

            I can feel his smile on my back as he says, "So be it. Don't expect to hear from me anytime soon."

            "I won't father. Sayonara," I say not bothering to turn to watch as he leaves the room.

            "Gomen nasai, Misato-san, but I couldn't let you do it. I love him. Thank you for everything. I'll sendf or my things later," I say to the woman who had been like an older sister to me as I walk out the doors with you, never to return.

~Owari~

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