Do the Dew
By Harris, Shaine, and Shatterclaw. Individual rating: R.
"Jim, you in here?"
Harris looked up from a Star Trek video. "Eh...it would appear so..."
"How would you like to do a little pickup? The ADP's released the Boomer into the custody of one US Marshalls office..."
"Okay..."
"...And I need three of my deputies to go and fetch it for me."
"Of course."
"Find Bell and Shaine, and go make sure they don't lose it."
"Here are the badges, and a pass to get you in... Take the green truck; it still has all the markings of the office."
"All right."
Now...if I were an immature, computer-fixated hacker with no sense of reality, where in the base would I be?
///
"Caw, caw!"
"Uh? C'min!" Shaine managed to say around a bottle of Mountain Dew. She set the bottle down and saved her work on the ADP Boomer override code.
"Caw!"
"Quiet, Ravencroft!" Belladonna said. "HEY, Freefall!"
"Hi."
"Caw!"
"Coding," Shaine continued. "Come back later."
"Um, Boss has a job for us..."
"Oh...um..." She typed faster, then saved again and closed out the program. "Okay, I can go."
"If you're busy, we can go tell him..."
"Nah. I got it mostly done." Shaine saw Harris stepping up behind Bell...she smiled. Without a word, he tapped the younger woman's shoulder.
"Aaaaahhhh!" Belladonna howled.
"Caw, caw, caw!"
"What is your malfunction, Harris?" She turned, just in time to have a badge stuck in her face. She yanked it away from him.
"I ain't the one who yelled. Now, if you're done pissing your pants..." He handed another badge to Shaine.
"I'm going to tie a damned bell on you!"
"Caw!" Morrigan added.
"Like that'll do any good..."
Shaine began humming: 'Twas brilling and the slithy toves/Did gyre and gimble in the wabe...
"We'll see!" Bell threatened. Harris just shook his head. "Great, I'm stuck in the rabbit hole with the March Hare and the Mad Hatter Gunman..." She trailed behind Shaine and Harris, still whimpering.
Shaine gave her best evil giggle and took another chug of her Dew. "So what mad tea party are we headed for this time?"
"Ohhh, someone got sugar crack!"
"Yeah. Need it for those long hacking runs...though this one's been easier than I expected."
"We're going to pick up a Boomer..."
"Do you want to tell her, oh fearless shooter, or should I?"
"From the ADP. ...Depends, Bell. Do you like repeating me?"
"Hehe...yeah, that's Boss, throwing his weight around!"
"So," Shaine said. "What's this Boomer of yours?"
"Some new Superboomer?" Bell speculated.
Harris opened the door of the truck, then looked back at Belladonna. "You ask too many questions. Shut up for once."
"Superboomer?" Shaine repeated blankly.
"...And do what you're told!"
"No, wait! I want to hear this."
"I need to ask questions; it's the only way I ever find out about anything!"
"It's a police Boomer, Shaine. Nothing special."
"Same one from last night?"
"Oh, sometimes we end up picking up the pieces from battles that we...ahem engage in."
Shaine nodded, relieved. "All right."
Belladonna frowned as she opened the door for Shaine. "Poo, just an ADP Boomer? Why bother?"
"Who cares? You have your fucking orders, now follow them."
"Yes, sir!"
"I asked for a reason, Harris. I take it Crimson hasn't told you yet but there is something new in the works at Genom."
"Oh, really! Do tell!"
"Hase Kant is headed to Chicago and I think she may be bringing some of her toys with her."
"Come on, Shaine! Spill it!"
"Kant's a weapons specialist," she continued slowly. "Former hit woman. She was with my uncle in Germany ten years ago."
"Kent? What, she Clark Kent's sister?"
Harris, impatient, started the truck and pulled out.
"Kant, not Kent...like the philosopher, Immanuel?"
"Never read him. But that's just what we need...Erik's castoffs..."
"I worked for her once. Trust me, no one casts her off."
"So on a Carter scale, one to ten, where would you put her?"
"Ten, definitely."
"Oh, crap!"
"And the Boomers she's been working on are somewhere up around twelve. Twice as fast as a human, with concealed weapons. That's why I wondered about the word Superboomer."
"Aw, shit! Kant, right?"
Harris sighed and floored the brake, causing the tires to squeal for several seconds...then releasing it. "Can't you save this for later?"
Shaine looked at Belladonna curiously, then at Harris. "Sure. It's your skin..."
Bell continued as if he hadn't spoken. "I know her! She was in a report from the Knight Sabers."
"Oh, really?" Knight Sabers...? So that's why he wanted to know about them...
"Yeah. Their boss sent Crim a file on her, but nothing that would help. She's bad news."
"I'll have to ask him later."
"Um, I wouldn't, if I were you!"
"Oh?"
"Yeah, I peeked at it when it came in...not for mere Ravens' eyes... Mom would freak, if she found out I did that!"
Shaine's eyes narrowed.
"And Crim would ground me! But hey, making sure we have the right info at the right time is a right all Ravens have."
"I think I'm old enough to handle it, Bell." Shaine laughed a little.
"Yeah, you are. He'd tell you first, and Harris, but I'd be the last one in on it..."
"I promise you, if it's relevant, I'll tell you."
"...and with Mom down, we may need more firepower to handle this. --Cool! I can live with it... So what type of Boomers does she use?"
"Replicants, mostly. Some may be the new models I mentioned. Nexus-6."
"Nexus-6?"
"Yeah."
"Never heard of them."
"Yeah, I figured that."
"Okay, I'll bite." Bell said, her words failing to hide her curiosity. "What are they?"
"Well...take the strongest and fastest Boomer you've ever fought and cross it with a bioengineered human. Then add new grav weapons... That should give you an idea."
Bell sat back. "Woooow."
"I was working on hacking the N-6 preproduction tests when I got...called down here."
"Any luck?"
Harris's Desert Eagle shot back toward them. "You two shut the fuck up!" The truck swerved, barely under control.
"Aaaah!"
"Another fucking word and I shut both of you up!"
Belladonna cringed into the corner. Shaine glanced at Harris; out of his sight she formed a '0' with her fingers. Nothing. Then she leaned back. There was a flicker of acknowledgment in Bell's eyes, but she still tried to keep Shaine between her and Harris.
Belladonna pantomimed zipping her mouth, and held her hands up in surrender. Just then they reached the holding facility. Harris dropped the gun, then holstered it. "All right. Let's get this done quickly."
They flashed their badges at the guard shack and were waved through. "You here to pick up the stiff?"
"Yes." Harris took out the rest of the paperwork and gave it to the guard.
"Good. Two levels down, dock five. Ask for Oscar."
There was a black van where the gate guard had directed them to go, and three men stood near it loading a Boomer into the back. All three wore ski masks and light armor spraypainted black.
"What the...?" Shaine looked at Belladonna sharply, but Harris seemed not to care.
Without even turning the engine off he jumped out of the truck. "Hey! What are you doing with that Boomer?"
He pulled out his DE just as one of the men produced an Uzi. Shaine grabbed her Miyako and vaulted out of the truck.
Harris shot the one with the weapon; the other two began scrambling to get the Boomer into the van. Shaine fired at one; blood bubbled from his head as he fell to the ground.
The van's engine was running. She frowned, then emptied her clip into the tires...hitting only three times. As she reloaded, she could see Harris fire at the engine three times and hit with all three. A strong gasohol smell filled the air.
Harris immediately headed for the van and the Boomer. Belladonna left the van, dragging the two bodies away.
Shaine looked back. "Harris? ...Damn it!" She charged back toward the van, bringing her gun up toward the third man. He had a rifle aimed at the back door...
Harris dove to the side as the third man shot at him, missing and taking a chunk out of the van door. He fired back a split second before Shaine did; both hit, the latter taking out the glass, and the man slumped forward, his gun firing into the ground.
Harris stood quickly and pulled the Boomer out of the van. Shaine climbed back into the truck just as he arrived and the van turned into a fireball.
"Shaine, call the boss!" Belladonna gasped, trying to help Harris load the Boomer into the back of the truck. "We're going to need cover stories!"
"Hello."
"Crim, it's Freefall! We've got the Boomer..."
"Report!"
"Eh, we've overstayed this welcome," Harris muttered as he hopped into the truck.
"We got a Snakebite Effect down here...gonna need cover stories..."
"Come on, Bell! Get your ass in or stay!"
"On it, get out ASAP. Don't stop for anything."
"Yeah, I thought you'd say that," Shaine replied ruefully. "Plus their truck is now a lovely fireball..."
"See you back at HQ." Crimson hung up.
Shaine set down the phone and looked at Harris's reflection in the rearview. "He says floor it...but then I'm sure you could have figured that on your own..."
Belladonna had jumped in at some point during the call and held a camera in one hand. She wiped blood off of herself with the other.
The gate was up by the time they got there, and there was no guard in sight. Harris sped through, not caring. Fire trucks and other emergency vehicles passed him on the way in.
About two blocks later, he heard helicopters. "Shit!"
Belladonna glanced behind them nervously. "They're not ADP or news...looks like they're painted black?"
"Eh...friends of the assholes we left back there?"
"Yeah, I think so. Don't they know I'm too young to die?"
Harris shook his head as he held the gas pedal to the floor.
"We can ditch the truck..." Belladonna was cut off by a hail of bullets from a Gatling gun. She and Shaine ducked as the side mirror, fender, and glass disappeared.
"Damn..." Harris swerved from side to side, trying to spoil their aim. "Fuck..."
A second helicopter cut across, hitting the back of the truck. Shaine gritted her teeth. "Scheizen!"
"English, English!"
Harris reached behind his back for his SOCOM. "Damn it, take the wheel!"
"Who gives a rat's ass about language?" Shaine climbed over Harris and slid into the driver's seat.
"No, the guys there like English or something...hitting the wrong side first..."
Harris fired a shot into the back window, aiming at the helicopter's back rotor.
"When I get back," Shaine gasped, "I am tearing up my driver's license. Just so you know..."
The helicopter's tail blade began to smoke, and it started careening off course. The other one turned away and was soon out of range.
"Oh, man, what is it we just stepped in?"
Harris slid back into the cab, sliding between Bell and Shaine. "Eeeeeek!" Bell gasped.
"Okay...probably going to have some more fun... Shaine, get us back as soon as possible."
///
The truck sputtered to a stop as they reached the Nest's parking lot. The passenger's side door flew open and Belladonna raced outside. Harris and Shaine followed her out, the former checking to see if they'd been followed and the latter heading for the Boomer.
Shaine noticed that the Boomer was sporting a few more decorative bullet holes, but was mostly intact. It was also strapped to a dolly. She tugged at the dolly, but it barely moved under the force of her unimpressive weight.
Seeing nothing, Harris put his guns away and joined her in the back of the truck. "Here," he said, unstrapping the Boomer from the dolly and slinging it over his shoulder.
Crimson was waiting for them at the door. "Lab one."
///
"Everyone all right?"
"Yeah," Shaine replied.
Harris turned to Crimson, tossing the keys to the truck to him. "Just peachy..."
Crimson caught the keys in midair. "Any idea who they were?"
"I...um...took pictures of two of them... The others were doing their thing, so I thought I would help out..."
"Someone might wish to go check out what's left of the helicopter as well."
"The ADP has that. We'll look at their findings later."
"Sorry about the truck. Little paint and hey, good as new."
Crimson nodded to Harris. "Hugo will take care of the wrecks through Doc's shop...it's where we send most of our damaged. But the truck can be replaced."
"So be it."
"Bell, Shaine, crack into the ADP. Find out what you can, and who these men are. I'll be covering the hellstorm from the attack."
"Right... Do you want to hear about the Boomer override code now?"
"Sure. What have you found?"
"I've got about 90% cracked. The encoding relies on incantations...undocumented commands."
"Um-hmmm..."
"Most have something to do with nursery rhymes or children's stories."
"Incantations?"
"...And there are a shitload of Alice in Wonderland references. --Yeah. It's like...there are command no one knows about, except the person who put them in..."
"Okay, so we have a freak who likes kids' rhymes...what effect would they have on Boomers?"
Harris turned to Shaine. "By the way, what's the Snakebite Effect?"
"...And almost no chance of stumbling on them at random." She blinked. "Yeah, well you know...you touch something, it goes up in flames?"
"Hoo yeah, Snakebite Effect...when everything hits the fan...and then gets worse!"
He reached over swiftly and grabbed Shaine's arm. She looked up at him, but didn't have enough time to dodge. "Damn...didn't work this time..."
"Oh...I don't know about that." Her voice had turned breathy.
Crimson grinned, and motioned for Bell to leave the room.
"I left a report and the decoded information in the database."
"I'll look it over," Crimson said as he walked out.
Shaine looked at Harris for a moment, then left as well.
He stood there and sighed. "Once again...
"Oh well." He left, making his way toward his room. "One of these days, just a simple thank you..."
///
On the way there, he saw Saki leaning against a wall. He reached into his pocket, pulling out a carton of cigarettes and lit one. Looking at her tiredly, he popped it into his mouth.
She smiled. "Haven't been around lately... You do remember what tomorrow is, don't you?"
He puffed on the cigarette. "Someone's got to get something worthwhile done around here. And no...hell, I don't even know what today is..."
"We all have our bit parts, and each one fits into the whole..."
"Ah, yes, tomorrow!"
Her eyes lit up and the smile grew more predatory. "So you do remember more than gun shells."
"Of course."
"I was beginning to think that Bell's little rumors were right," Saki mused.
"Oh? What rumors?"
"That you sleep with your guns more often than you do with a female."
"Well, you're probably right. Married to my work..."
"We'll have to change that."
"Oh?"
"Yes, assuming all goes well tomorrow!"
"Assuming all goes well... What's that supposed to mean?"
The smile grew yet more predatory. "It means that dinner and an evening away from work will do us both some good - and I do not take no for an answer, Mr. Harris."
"Maybe. I didn't think you would... Well, then, you'll have your dinner."
She leaned in to kiss him, but he stepped back, placing his hand in the way. "No."
"No?"
He shook his head.
"As you wish...for now. Seven tomorrow." She walked past him and down the hall.
"Yeah."
He turned the corner and looked inside. The door was open, and she seemed to be surfing the web.
Yes...Cartoon Network's official Space Ghost site. The transcript from one episode, Gum, Disease, was on the screen. She sat staring at the screen, with her raven on the back of her chair and a bottle of pop in one hand.
"Caw!" Morrigan announced.
"Hello..."
"Uh, hi." She looked up.
"Arw?"
"What you looking at?"
"Space Ghost. I'm a bit of a Zorak fan."
"Caw, CAW!"
Shaine glanced at Morrigan in amusement, then continued. "You know, Lone Locust of the Apocalypse and all that..."
"I see."
Shaine took a sip of her Mountain Dew. "Why are you punishing me this time?" she croaked in an imitation Zorak voice, then answered herself: "Because you're evil!"
"Heh. Not bad..."
"Thanks." She spun the chair around idly. "So..."
"Um...well, just figured I'd see what you were up to..."
"Yeah." She proffered the bottle. "Want some Dew?"
"Caw?"
Harris smiled slightly. "Sure..."
"Not you, Morrigan!" She handed him the bottle. "May our eggs share a nest, Harris..."
He looked at her curiously and took a sip.
"What, you've never read Stranger in a Strange Land?"
"No."
She shook her head. "Man..." Then she grabbed another bottle and twisted the cap off.
"I don't have much time for reading, you know."
"Yeah..."
"Someone has to be able to shoot down helicopters, and that's not Mitch."
She nodded lazily, taking a large gulp.
"He's about as useful as a hole in the head."
"Yeah."
Harris sighed, taking another drink.
"Can't believe they let a pig in here."
"Soon as he steps out of line, we'll see if he can squeal! ...Oh, by the way..."
"Yeah?"
"What the hell is this rumor about me sleeping with my guns more than with women?"
"Huh? Well, you couldn't prove it wrong by me...but I've never heard that."
"Oh..."
"Ahhh, don't let Bell get you down. She's just a kid."
"Arw, arw!"
Shaine's head snapped around. "Quiet, Morri!" Then she looked up thoughtfully. "Y'know, I'm going to be spending a lot of time around here for the next few days...so..."
"Eh, wasn't Bell... Oh well."
"Oh?"
"The other one."
"Other one?"
"Saki, I think."
"That doesn't seem like her, though... Man, that's weird!"
"I don't know, but she seems to have more in mind than a dinner which I owe her tomorrow..."
Shaine suddenly went extremely and completely silent.
"Oh well. I'm not going to let anything happen. If it's just dinner..."
"Well," Shaine replied feebly, "No harm in a little fun..." But her tone said just the opposite.
"Fun?" He shook his head."
"Yeah. Why not."
"Eh... That's not my type of fun, thank you."
She shrugged. "Better than a Boomer, and better than being, ah...lonely."
"True."
Morrigan got bored and hopped onto the bed, pecking at the remote. The TV flared to life and began flipping through channels.
"But without feeling, it's the same as a Boomer."
"What, you think the love of your life is going to land in your lap tomorrow?"
"Caw!"
Shaine glared at Morrigan. "Damned bird..."
"I don't know. All depends on what happens..."
"Caw!"
Shaine stood and grabbed the remote. "I don't know why I ever..."
"Bet the bird would taste good cooked right about now..."
"No thanks," Shaine said dryly. She turned the television off, threw the remote into a desk drawer, and sat back down. Morri cocked her head, stared for a moment, then flew out.
"Oh well. What about you?"
"Huh?"
"Don't believe in love?"
"There's a hell of a lot of difference between that and sex." She winced. "And if you get the two mixed up, it only ends in pain... Love...is when someone else's well-being means more to you than your own." Easy, girl. He's never read Heinlein, he just told you that...trying to get him to accept this...
"Exactly."
"...It has nothing to do with being horny..."
"But without love, sex has no meaning."
She shrugged. "Meaning is subjective."
"Well, hey...if you're horny, use your hand. If you're doing it without love...why bother with a man?"
"Because they're warm...and cuddly...and most of 'em awfully stupid." A slight smile.
"So are Boomers." She tensed at this. "And you only have to buy them once."
"There's no sport to that," she managed to choke out.
"So it's a game for you, eh?"
"You said it's all about meaning..."
He shook his head.
"It's not about power, though... Why not play the game if everyone wins?"
"It's about being horny and having power over men, huh?"
She frowned. "If it were about power, I'd still be with Ratboy now...damned poser..."
"Having some guy shove his cock inside you? ...What the hell?..." He sighed.
Shaine looked at him sharply, then away. "It's about...being able to forget...something else to take your mind off of the pain." She rested one hand on her laptop. "Like this does."
"So then it's a drug for you. Gotta have."
"...And I can walk away...not like a drug, or getting drunk..." I'm still me...
"You don't care how, or with who! Just to kill the pain..."
"Why the hell not? I'm not going to get anything better."
"Buy a dildo, then. What you do is wrong.
"And thinking like that...you probably won't ever..."
The following silence stretched on for several minutes, then she asked softly, "Are you done?"
He looked at her and shook his head.
She stood again and walked toward her bedroom. Standing in the doorway, she continued, "I shouldn't have expected you to understand."
She stepped through and closed the door behind her.