Easy Way Out
An X Fanfiction
Disclaimer: X, Kamui, Fuuma, and the gang don't belong to me. They never did, never will.
Note: This is a darkfic, deathfic, whatever you might call it; plenty of angst and shounen-ai. Yay
~~
We will never face off. I can see that it won't happen. Because I'm not going to let it. I don't want to do what Subaru had to do to his special person. I won't allow it. Fate may be unavoidable, as may be deathan unavoidable escape from the unavoidable. I will welcome it. I will protect him and bring him back with one stroke that won't leave room for hindsight. He would wound me. He has done his duty, then. My blade will only cut my physical body from life. My spirit is dead.
His touch. So familiarly cold. Brutal. The painam I screaming? Am I crying? Am I dead?I wish I wereI wishI wish to protect him. And that would be the only way. And an easy way.
--
"Kamui!"
He peeps from behind the bushes as the other calls. "Kamui, I give up! I can't find you anywhere!"
"Really?" Fuuma turns and catches a glimpse of a small dark head, and grins. The trick never failed.
"Got you!" The two boys giggle. "How'd you find me," Kamui wondered, his eyes wide in admiration. "I'd never hidden there before."
Fuuma merely smiled. "I know," Kotori had long ago been found and was sitting on the grass. "Onii-chan has magic!"
"Magic?"
Fuuma is a little embarrassed as he demonstrates. "Kamui, I'll cover my eyes. You sneak up on me. See if I notice without looking at you."
Kamui blinked when his hand was seized. "Wow. You knew I was about to grab your shoulder."
Kotori volunteered, "I think it's never worked so good before." She was exuberant with the discovery. "It must work best with Kamui. Because Kamui's special too!"
~~
He releases me. Some part of me that was still fragile and alive dies; every time something of me is lost. I think that I have nothing left now. The thought is somehow appealing. At least I wouldn't leave anything of me behind. Wellthe othersno. They aren't the same, they aren't special. I only wish to have Fuuma back. I only wish to protect him. I think that they would understandI see blackness. I am not dreaming again, because I am surrounded by black. No visions. I thank someone--who?--and let the last bit of consciousness go. High above me there is a chuckle. And then that dies too.
--
"What's a blood brother?"
"When two people share blood, silly." Fuuma picks up the tack and makes as though to jab his finger.
"No!" Kamui shakes his head and the sunlight glosses the black-browness of it. "It would hurt! A lot! What if Fuuma bleeds a lot? What if Fuuma died?"
"Silly Kamui." But he put down the little pin. "All right, if you don't want to do it"
"No." A little hesitant, though. "Is Fuuma angry?"
"Of course not. I won't ever make Kamui do something he didn't want to. I promise." They link pinkies.
"It's a promise"
~~
In the hospital. Yet again. The starched smell, the antiseptic-greeness and the austerity. The others are kind, as they always are. Yuzuriha brought a little stuffed dog and Inuki, for once, didn't bite me. I hope that none of them will be sad. Sorata would understand; in fact, I think he saw what I was going to do when he was talking about nothing in his usual way. But I know he won't stop me. Maybe they will be kind to Fuuma toothe real Fuuma. Sorata and Yuzuriha would, anyway. And even though the others aren't so outspokenI hope they'll be good to Fuuma.
~~
I don't feel the wounds too much; they're lighter this time and only up and down my arms. I can still run across rooftops with my unimpaired feet. But I'm tired; it's late. That might help to conceal me. The gate is easy to hop over; I pause once inside the campus. "I'm sorry," I tell the general direction of Kotori's tree. "But I'd better hurry."
The fountain water unnaturally cold against my legs as I wade out. I almost collapse at the shock of it. But I push on and lean for a moment against the funny centerpiece. I need a second's pause to gain the strength to wobble down the wet steps, trying not to slip. So near the blade, my stomach flips and I double. The sensation is overpowering to the point that I must half-crawl to the sheath in the center of the pentagram. There it drowses; but it too senses my nearness and it starts to wail. It is so heavy, so heavy. But Fuuma would have no trouble with it. I know it. He is strongerwith what seems to be half-an-hour's laboring it is free. Unsealed. I must use it quickly, or he will realize its freedom and rush to me. My arms. They quiver. The wounds are tight and sore and bleeding. I ignore it all. It is only the point of the blade and I, now. I cannot possibly swing it, so I must settle for a less dignified position.
Perfect. With handle against the damp floor, the point is at breast-bone height. Perfect. I lean back and then throw my whole small weight forward, hands (cut and bloody) shifting the Shinken an iota to the left. For the heart. The point enters without a protest, not a grind against bone. How far am I sliding down? It is enough, however much it is. I feel myself falling, forwards, and the sword jarring and severing bone and flesh, slick with bloodthe sensation of death and dark and peace. I might have smiled, but it was all black again. And now I heard no chuckle.
~~
When he felt the distant shriek of the Shinken, the one who had been Fuuma straightened. And listened. Yes. The other "Kamui" had freed the Shinken. But this is unexpected, thought the Dark Kamui, the Avenger. The wounds the Kamui had received today should have been more than enough to keep him bedridden for a week. The Shinken was in its case in the safe, and he extracted it, careful to keep the ribbon wrapped tightly around the long blade. The other Chi no Ryuu were absent, and Kanoe was in her room, presumably asleep at this late hour. The streets were dotted with the odd passerby, and so "Kamui" followed the cry of his Twin Star's shinken via lampposts and rooftops. He could see the gates of the place--was it some sort of school?--and was on the street, about to leap over them when the cry very suddenly stopped. And with the cry went his sense of the other Kamui that had been a part of his senses since his awakening. As soon as he digested that Kamui had disappeared off his sensual radar, that sense itself too disappeared, and he found himself very confused and very lost, holding a huge sword in his left hand on an unknown street a few hours after midnight. What am I doing? Just as quickly as everything that made him the polar opposite of Kamui had vanished, memories returned. Horrible. Blood, explosions, reckless taking of lives. Kotorithe Sumeragi's eyecountless innocent peopleFuuma slid against the nearest lamppost and hunched his face into his hands. He almost raised the Shinken to end himself too, but stopped. Kamui gave me my life, he thought, I cannot throw it away.
~~
In the morning, he walked past the gates of CLAMP Campus and to the people who he knew to be waiting for him, gathered around the dead majesty of God.