Modern Legend
By Shaine and Shatterclaw. Individual rating: PG.
"Valentine" Michael Smith woke to the sound of a ringing phone. Aw, shit... Somehow, he managed to become vertical and reach for it just before the answering machine cut in.
"Unhhh...h'lo?"
"Hello? Is this Mulder?"
"Uh--whuh? Who is this?"
"Um, I'm a friend of Scully's. She said you saw something...?"
"Whoah, wait!" He found himself waking up rather more quickly than was to be expected. "Another friend of Scully's, huh? Man...I do not have time for this!"
"I was wondering if you wanted to tell your story."
"Story?"
"Um, yeah. About the Birdman? I'll pay..."
At the sound of those two magic words, all was forgiven. Well, for the voice on the other end of the phone, at least. Scully still had a lot of explaining to do. "Birdman, huh. Sure, why not."
"Great. Meet me at the IHOP on Belmont, say at ten?"
"Okay."
"See you then, Mulder."
Val hung up. "Maaaan..."
///
"It's a hundred and six miles to Chicago," Val muttered, standing before the IHOP's door. "I've got a full tank of gas...and a half a pack of cigarettes."
He checked his ponytail, then his jacket. He looked like a Hanson brother gone Goth, but he didn't realize it. "It's dark..." Well, not really... "...And I'm wearing sunglasses.
"Hit it."
Inside, only one table was occupied. Bunch of kids at the back table, all of them dressed funny. Like something out of the 1950's. All right...which one is it this time? Tall one? Short one? ...Or one of the girls...?
He mustered as much (or little as the case may be) courage as he could and strutted toward the back of the room.
"Okay, which one of you is it who knows Scully?"
"Greetings, Mr. Mulder," the shorter male said. Val recognized him as the one who'd talked to him on the phone. "Please, sit down."
"What is this? You're just a bunch of kids..." He muttered something under his breath about "really robbing the cradle this time..."
"So it would seem," Omar continued smoothly, "But would a bunch of kids be able to hand you five hundred dollars just for a free meal?"
Val looked up sharply. "Huh?"
"We wish to hear your tale, as I said. And we are willing to pay. Five hundred, up front."
"Yeah..." A grin slowly spread across Val's face. "Sure."
"And your meal, of course." Omar handed him a menu.
"So. You want to hear about this Birdman, huh?"
"Yes, and record its myth for all time..."
"Wellllll...Scully was out of town, right? And one day I go out to get some beer and cigs and this big-ass flock of birds swoops down and grabs the stuff just as I'm heading home." All four began to take notes. "Then one of your Birdmen shows up and he picked me up and flew me around the city."
"Go on," Omar prompted.
"Said something about about...oh, man, what was it...the two dragons who live in the tower or some other mystical bullshit." He shook his head. "Then it just flew back down close to the ground and dropped me. Man..."
"Dragons?"
"Yeah. Dragons."
"Were you drinking that night?"
"Hell, no! That's why I went out was to get the booze...the house was dry, man! If Scully's still hung up over that, well, I don't know what to tell her!"
"Okay, and why did it pick you?"
"How the fuck should I know? I sure as hell didn't ask for it."
"What did it look like?"
"Welllll...it was maybe twelve feet tall...pitch black, red glowing eyes...and the wings! Man!"
"Wings. Describe the wings for us."
"They were at least as wide as it was tall...black metal...didn't get a good look."
"Okay. Did it do anything, like shoot fire from its eyes or hands?"
"Nope."
"Did it become a ball of fire, or disappear into a ball of light?"
"Well it disappeared, yeah, but when it was gone there was just nothing there."
"Oh, transdimensional destabilization!" Deis said.
"Uhhh... Yeah, what she said. Sure."
"Did it display any other powers?"
"Wellllll no..."
"All right." Omar was still writing furiously. "Do you remember anything else that it did or said?"
"Nope."
"Okay... Now, Mr. Smith here is going to draw a sketch of it, and you can tell him if he's right."
Poe began to draw, and Val leaned over the table to watch. "Yeah...yeah, that's what it looks like! But it didn't look all that noble. More like a predator, man." Poe frowned, changed a few lines, and held up a sketch that looked a bit more like Batman.
"Uh, yeah. That's closer."
"Any suggestions?"
"Nah, I think you got it man." Not even close, but who cares?
"Prodigious!"
The waitress arrived, and Val ordered what seemed to be just about one of everything. The rest each asked for a soda and hamburger. "...Oh, and some coffee!"
The waitress nodded and muttered something under her breath.
"So what was it like, flying with one of them?" Mav asked.
"Welllll, I dunno. Didn't impress me."
"True flight, and the man was not impressed?"
Val shrugged. "Yeah, well...I'm into that whole extreme sports thing, y'know? It takes a lot more than some freak in a tin can..."
"So you believe it was human?" Poe said.
"Well...what else would it be? I mean, Boomers just don't do stuff like that."
"Supernatural," Mav breathed.
"Aw, man!" Val laughed loudly. "You gotta be kidding!" One he could stop laughing enough to speak again, he gasped, "Man...yer crazier than Scully..."
"There are legends dating back over 2250 years of a birdlike man in the Greater Chicago area. Or it could be a new type of human life."
Val shook his head. "You guys are crazy..."
"Or a new type of Boomer one of Genom's rivals made up, one that went rogue..."
"Genom." Val suddenly felt cold. Always comes back to him, doesn't it...
"More things in heaven and Earth than in your philosophy, Mulder," Poe replied.
"Yeah...guess it could be...but I don't wanna talk about it, 'kay?"
"...Which could mean that he stands against them," Omar continued.
Val's tone turned dark. "I said...drop it."
Omar and Deis exchanged a glance. "Sure."
The waitress returned, and Val tore into the food with a vengeance, barely noticing when Deis excused herself to use the restroom, and Mav went with her in traditional female fashion. Nor did he particularly pay attention when Omar's cell phone rang, apparently having a bad connection, and the shorter boy slipped outside to take the call.
Nor did he happen to see Poe simply and suddenly disappear moments after the rest...leaving behind only a stack of fifty dollar bills piled neatly in the center of the table.
Or, to be exact, one fifty and a stack of blank papers underneath that were the shape and size of a fifty.
One fifty...
On top of it, they'd somehow managed to take their food - leaving him, quite conveniently, with the bill. Val whimpered but kept eating, his appetite unsinkable, until the waitress returned.
He smiled stiffly and pulled out a credit card. "Thanks," he said glumly.
"Do you want a doggie bag for that?" She glared dubiously at the large array of plates.
"Nah."
///
"Ka maya maya!"
Rai jerked back and fell off of the couch.
"Sorry...sorry...I'll come back later..."
"No, wait! It's all right. I'm done." He smiled sheepishly and turned off the TV. "I used to be able to do it when I was a kid..."
Shaine clutched the stack of DVDs to her chest and smiled encouragingly. "Oh...okay..."
"What, me? Yeah, I've had a worse crash in a Wing than this, Scully..." He peered at the DVDs. "Whatcha got?"
"Trek..." Oh, shit, another lone nut with a fixation on a classic TV series...
"Mariner, mostly, and a few New Frontier in case that's not enough."
"First, second, third, or fourth?"
"First."
"Cool! Never seen the first, myself... Dragonball Z was on at the time."
"Really! Must've been a big surprise for you to see Lore and Katya together, then..."
"Um, yeah, never understood that...and 'true fans' would never tell me what was going on. Like it was some sort of in-joke."
"Yeah...it kinda goes back farther than that. ...Wanna watch some with me?"
"Sure. How much farther, if you don't mind doing the play-by-play?"
"Um no...I didn't..." A revelatory glow lit up his face.
"She was the first thing Lore saw when he woke up for the first time."
"Really?"
"That part was in one of the movies...first one they did with Boomers."
"Oh yeahhhhh! That one was just a waste of time..."
"Aw, man, how can you say that? I loved it!"
"They had seven of 'em go rogue in production - and at the time Crim and Rika were on their honeymoon..."
"Ohhhh!" Shaine was stunned. "Yeah, that was way before MetaPara hired me..."
"You worked for MetaPara?"
"Guess I'll never watch that one the same way again."
"Heh yeah...in the one flashback scene you can see Jinks's hardsuit, sort of."
"You're kidding!"
"But she's in with a bunch of Borg. And I stuck in a cameo too," he said proudly. "Third Ensign Redshirt to die."
"Man..."
"I don't think it was cut out either. That's the biz...see the world, save it, sometimes have some fun... Crim was really ticked he missed out on it."
"Well...the last thing I did for them was a huge fight scene between Shanin and a Formorii...I think it was for the season five cliffhanger."
"Oh, yeah, I know that one!"
"Damn it! They showed that one already?"
"We were hoping a rogue would happen-- Naw, we um...well you see it was an off week..."
"Huh?"
"We kind of...tap in. And watch it there."
"Man..." Her face lit up. "I would love that..."
"Really?"
"No shit! I've been trying to hack into the exec producer's files for years to get advance notice on plots...keeps the stuff offline, godsdamnit, she's too smart..."
"Well, if you promise not to tell the boss..."
"Swear to Dani, man."
"...I'll let you into the core. But you can only hack Para when we watchdog them for rogues."
"Nh..." She suddenly looked very uncomfortable.
"You got to promise."
Shaine shook her head. "Fine."
"The core is Level One, only for Ravens business. Crim would kill me - unless we get Bell to go along."
"No!"
"I mean he'd ground her, but let us off..."
"No thank you. I've seen enough of her lately, thank you very much!"
"Really? Why?"
"I don't want to talk about that."
Rai shrugged. "Cool." He leaned over to grab something from the couch, giving Shaine her first glimpse of the raven tattoo on his shoulder. Hmmm...looks like we've got something else in common! She grinned.
"What?" He looked up at her curiously as she made her way toward the couch.
"Nothing..."
"Want some popcorn?"
"Nah."
"So how long have you been a Trekker?"
Shaine shook her head. "Since I was born, I think! Grandparents watched TNG religiously...Dad was into New Frontier, and Mom liked Ghidorah..."
"Wow."
"Yeah." She smiled again.
"I remember Ghidorah...they always had the best effects. And the fighters! Man, all I wanted to do was fly because of that."
"Yeah...I went back and watched every single episode after Mariner started, 'cause of Shanin Betandi being in both. Though she's hardly the same woman on Ghidorah!"
"Was it the same actress in both?"
"No, Mariner's Shanin is a Boomer. The old one's a human. Easier to do technically, but I've got to admit I liked the human better."
"Man, I'm glad they kept Shatterclaw CGI."
"Yeah."
"I'd hate to think what a Boomer his size would be like. And with those fangs!" Shaine laughed. "Plus he's gotten older - more grey in the silver fur...can't really do that with a Boomer, never looks quite right."
"I think they're going to go mostly CGI with the next series, actually."
"Mostly CGI?" Rai looked disappointed.
"Yeah."
"Thought they were going to try a new crew of human actors. The whole retro thing and all that."
"Really? I heard it was something to do with time travel and some of the original actors were dead."
"Time travel? Aw, man...not Kirk again!"
"No, don't think so...something happens in the future of the Mariner storyline, and the crew's children are sent back in time. I think."
"No way!"
"Yeah. Shanin dies, either Lore or Data dies...Caden lives though..." Her voice lowered bitterly. "Fuck, I hate Caden..."
"Okay, after this we hack into their database and make sure they got it right. --Caden lives?"
"Yeah."
"Oh maaan...there goes the next movie..."
"You hate him too?"
"Well, hate is a strong word. I just always use him as a villain in flight training."
"I was a regular poster to alt.caden.die.die.die before I got here."
"No way! Wingman360."
"ShayBetandi. I love the name." She grinned.
Rai slapped his forehead. "You're kidding me." Then he blushed a deep red.
"What?"
"Oh...well... I kind of hit on you once."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. Sent you some sappy love note. I-- I'm sorry..."
"Oh, now I remember!" Her grin widened. "You pervert!"
He looked horror-struck. "You do remember," he said weakly. "You know, I just remembered Crim has a suicide mission waiting for me..."
"Yes...and I'll let you nibble my eartips anytime, even if you are outkin!"
"Really..."
"Yeah."
He leaned in toward her, their lips almost touching, as the door slid open and Belladonna walked into the room. "Whoah!"
"Oh, man!" Shaine pulled back quickly. "What in hell do you think you're doing?"
"I can't go anywhere in this base without running into lovebirds!"
"No," she revised her question, "I don't even want to know. Just do me one favor...do not tell anyone of this...or I convince Harris to use you for target practice. Is that clear, Little Miss Blabbermouth?"
Rai glanced at Shaine, then at Bell. "Or I might remember who got a D- on her last test and tell dear old Mom..."
Belladonna was shocked. "Um...I didn't see a thing...I'm not even here!"
"Good," Shaine replied.
"Great. Now get out."
Bell ran from the room; Rai jumped over the couch and locked the door, then walked back.
"Damn her..."
"She's a kid. A stinking, no-good, rotten kid..."
"Yeah."
"...With a new boyfriend." Rai scowled.
"Huh?"
"He's in a band. And her mother doesn't want her dating..."
"Oh great...I can't wait to have his music inflicted upon me."
"Well, they chose the right name: String Ravens."
"Weirrrd..."
"No, Miss Thing hangs with a bunch of kids who have a hangup for all things Raven. Some nutcases who think we're real. And she feeds them false info."
"There wouldn't happen to be two named Omar and Deis," Shaine said softly, "Would there?"
"I think so. Why?"
"I think I know them. And Poet and Mav...does Crim know she knows them?"
"Not as far as I can tell."
"Aw, shit..."
"She won't tell anyone but me--what? What's wrong?"
"He's got me leading them on, to find out more about them...I don't think they're dangerous, but they're young and stupid and I can't keep this up forever without telling him."
"Dear Mother of Ravens..." Rai's face lit up. "Oh, this is too good! I've got her now!" He jumped up and began doing an oddly birdlike victory dance.
"Just tonight they showed me their hideaway...had some sort of a sword in a stone they're convinced is ours."
He stopped suddenly. "Hideaway?"
"Yeah...down by where we found Harris."
"If I show you a map, can you point it out?"
"Yeah."
"Come on."
Rai led her to the Core. "It's the base's master computer," he explained.
"Welcome to the Core. This here is the most advanced computer there ever was." He glanced back at her over his shoulder. "Or will be. Makes anything in Star Trek look like a laptop."
"So we've got Shay...Raven the computer...where's Data when you need him?"
"Don't ask. Just do not ask what passes for Data around here."
"Greetings, Freefall: Kohl, Shaine." The voice was sleekly androgynous, not like that of Mariner's main computer, but it had the exact same tone and inflection.
"Aw, shit! It talks back!"
"Uh, yeah...and more than that."
Shaine's eyes went wide and she shook her head.
"Raven, map the Chicago trench." A 3d holographic map rendered above Raven's console. "Do you know what end it was at?"
"Yeah." She pointed to a spot on the map. "Right there."
"Enlarge."
The new image was accurate down to the garbage. "That's it."
"Raven, what battles have we fought there?"
A list of seventeen battles popped up in front of the map. One was marked "Harris;" the rest "RE."
"RE?"
"Red Equinox. Oh, shit... They were a band, more Boomer than human...they gave us the name Steel Ravens."
"I know."
"Raven, tap comsat, and see if you can find a 'sword in a stone.' "
The map image scrambled, then reassembled itself into the rock pile Omar had shown to Shaine."
"Yeah, it's right under those rocks. They said they thought we left it as a test."
"It was a test...a test of leadership. One the other guy failed - and Crimson became king. That's Darien's sword. Raven, pull up file 0021."
A man's face appeared next to the map. "Raven Psycho, this file is monitored. Crimson will be notified."
"Cool, Raven. Tell him I'll meet him in his office. ...See, this guy here was a Lieutenant in the Army with Crimson. Then they both went to the ADP, which is where we all met up. About that time, the General was looking for men for what would become the Steel Ravens."
"The General?"
"Yeah. He was...retired. From the Army."
"Okaayy..."
"His cover was so deep that no one knew his real name. Even Raven won't tell us...Crimson and Darien were the only two who seemed to know. Anyway, Darien went bad, tried to kill us... Crimson challenged him to a duel.
"Darien's sword was rigged. Crimson never would have had a chance, except we got wind of it and made one like it for him. They fought, Darien's sword overloaded, and Crim put his own sword through Darien's hand. That's Crimson's sword down there.
"There was an explosion, and we thought Darien died but he came back a few more times before we actually finished him off. So yeah, it is a test - just not the kind they think it is."
Rai shook his head. "Man...I thought that thing was destroyed! Raven, log site. All known activities there for the last five years."
It came up blank. "Last seven years." Still nothing. "Last battle there? ...Hmmm. Guess our luck has changed. Some sites just aren't Raven-friendly.
"Er, anyway..."
Shaine looked up at him.
"Um... We should tell Crim."
"Yeah."
"But after that, want to go out and get some food? Somewhere away from work. And the kid."
She smiled. "All right."
"Great!"
///
Shaine noted that Crim's office seemed darker than normal, but it had to be her mind playing tricks on her. Rai seemed completely calm as he walked in and sat down; she had no choice but to follow suit.
Crimson looked up from a computer printout. "What's up?"
"Well, we've found Excalibur, my good King, and a group of young squires..."
"Excalibur? It was destroyed when--" He looked at Shaine. "Where did you find it?"
"Those kids we met at the mall. They found it."
"What?"
"They showed it to me earlier today, just before we picked up Kit and Priss. I met them to get that damned t-shirt..." She shook her head. "Apparently they like me."
"You got a t-shirt?"
"Oh, and one for you too, Crimson. It seems they also have fond remembrances of their new friend 'Han Solo.' "
"A group of kids found Excalibur, when we - with the most advanced computer tracking systems - could not..."
"It's not fair," Rai moaned. "I never get a t-shirt. And what's this about Han Solo?"
Crimson cringed.
"Don't ask."
"So does that mean I'm Luke? Or Chewie?"
Shaine grinned. "Dunno."
"Chewie's the only Hispanic in space," Crimson pointed out.
"All right." Rai held his arms out and growled like a Wookiee, forcing Shaine to choke back laughter. Crimson was less restrained, and openly laughed out loud.
"Okay, so the sword is still in one piece...and the kiddies think we're what, Arthur and the Round Table?"
"Yeah, pretty much."
"So we let them believe that. Get someone down there and bring me back my sword."
"Well...there is one more small part to it, Boss..."
Shaine cringed. Let him tell it. I so do not want to get in the middle of this...
"Small part? We blow up the Sears Tower again?"
"Er, no. The kids...they go to school with Bell..." Crimson nodded. "And she's been feeding them fake Raven stories to cover our rears."
Crimson's face went blank.
"I've been making sure she doesn't give them anything that would ever point back to us or--" The phone rang. Crimson held up a finger, and Rai stopped.
"Um-hm, yes...yes, I understand." He hung up. "Shaine, call Ratboy. He says you owe him a hundred and fifty bucks."
"What?"
"He's been calling the Starbright phone lines for an hour."
Shaine swore under her breath and pulled out a cell phone.
"You get a t-shirt, she gets a cell phone...I get a lonely night..."
"Shut up!" Shaine hissed.
"Hello?" Val's voice was still bleary; apparently he'd taken up sleep as a profession. Or at least a very fervently practiced hobby.
"Smith, what is wrong with you?"
"What's wrong with me?"
"Yeah."
"What the fuck? Where have you been? I've been calling all over for you."
"Elsewhere." She let the tone of her voice turn dark. "With Crimson."
"What the-- You're screwing him, too? And robbing cradles on top of it..."
"Robbing cradles? What the fuck?"
Rai looked at her and Crimson curiously.
"Yeah, those damned kids you sent to rob me."
"What?"
"Stuck me with a $250 bill... We went to go eat, talk over them bird-things."
"Oh, gods! You are pathetic... Listen to me, Ratboy. If you ever want to think about seeing me again, just shut up now and cut your losses. All right?"
"What?"
"You heard me. I have no idea what those kids did to you but I don't believe you."
"Fucking hell! I don't need this."
"And I am not going to pay for you to sit on your ass all day and watch television." Val swore fervently. "Ain't no such thing as a free lunch, Smith."
Shaine hung up. "Asshole."
Rai looked at the two of them again. "Cradles? Um, is there something I should know...?"
"Shut up, Rai. What's going on?"
"He says those kids took him out to talk about his Birdman experience, then left him with a bill for two hundred and fifty bucks. Which he blames upon me, because I was stupid enough to mention him to them."
"Val's Birdmen..." Crimson laughed.
Rai looked at her again, a helpless expression on his face. "Don't go there, man. It's a long story."
"Um, Boss... It's not that, but who in their right mind would show us to someone like him?"
Crimson looked at them. "That would have been me. I wanted to teach the Ratboy a lesson he'd never forget. He trashed Shaine's apartment, made a total mess of it..."
"...As is his custom..."
"...And on top of it, was buying booze on a stolen credit card."
"Stolen?"
"Which belonged to dear Shaine. Yes."
"I am going to..." She lapsed into German, but her meaning was abundantly clear.
"Unless you'd give him a card?"
"No. I know what he's like with money. Rat bastard..."
"I had thought of killing him, but..."
"Let her do it." Rai said.
"No. He's not worth it."
"I later found out," Crimson continued, "That it was your Starbright card, so I managed to stop payment on it. So the kids stiffed him?"
"Yeah, guess so."
"I knew I liked them. And they know Bell. And you two have been selling us out...?"
"No, no, NO! It's not like that at all; it's bullshit fiction. I swear!"
"What is he talking about?" Shaine glanced at Rai, worried. "Sell him out?"
"Bell's been feeding them stories, Boss...about us... Fantasy. Stuff about how the Ravens are gods - how did you know about it?"
"I saw their web page."
Rai's jaw dropped.
"Raven found it when she overheard the two of you talking about it."
"No shit...he's that powerful?" There was a dumb grin on Shaine's face.
"She...and in some ways, yes."
"She?"
"Um, well... Seven females, three males, almost everything around here has been a 'she'..." Rai shrugged.
"When Raven went online, the person who set her up gave her the personality of a female."
"Must've been one of those purists," Shaine said, disgusted. "Majel Barrett fan or something..."
"I dated one once..."
"Ugh."
"Also," Crimson continued, "Bell submitted a report, but the report file was one of their stories and a link to the site. We ran a crosscheck...
"So, Rai...how long were you planning on keeping this from me?"
"Until I could blackmail her into something."
Shaine didn't entirely manage to hide a smile at that.
"All right...how much do you owe her this time?"
"Me? Nothing. I don't bet with her anymore. She's a brat; I just want to have something on her in case she acts up."
"Regardless...this is a serious issue."
Rai smiled. "We could feed Carter false info this way..."
"No. We do that and these kids will get hurt. Does Bell send it under a false name and account?"
"Yeah, of course."
Crimson drummed his fingers on the desk. "What's your take, Shaine?"
"They seem harmless. A bit naive, even."
"Did they tell you what they think we are?"
"Some sort of legend..." She shook her head. "Native American spirits, avenging angels..."
"A rather impressive list. In your opinion, should we let them be, or keep an eye on them?"
"Keep an eye on them. They don't mean any harm...but that doesn't mean they can't do any."
"Look over their web site when you get the chance. There could be something there that could be harmful."
Shaine nodded.
"I'll handle Bell and the disinformation."
"No, Rai. I'll take care of Bell; you go on and blackmail her."
"Huh?"
"She has a little too much freedom. I think it's time she met her match."
"You're gonna feed her to Jade?"
Crimson glared at him. "Shaine...also when you get the time, get to know Raven."
"All right."
"Was there anything else you two had for me?"
"No, sir."
Rai turned back toward Shaine. "So when do I get a t-shirt?"
"Shaine, get him out of here..."
She shook her head. "Can't I just leave him with you?"
"I had him for ten years. My time is up; you can have him for the next ten."
"Oh, no thank you, sir."
"Then find some other poor sod and pawn him off."
"Yes, sir!" She saluted.
"Good soldier!"
"Greeeat...traded like an old t-shirt before its prime... Just take me away..."
"Permission to silence him, sir?"
"We only have two pilots, so whatever you do make sure we can use him later."
"Come on, Rai. I think there's a fattening dessert somewhere with our name on it." She stood.
"Oh, the pain, the pain!" Rai stood as well, placing his hands palm to palm and holding them out for her. She slid her own hands between and turned his palms up, Athmari-style, a gesture shared by bloodkin. "I give myself over to you, great Lady..."
"Let's shall." She removed one hand and clasped one of his with the other, then led him out the door.
Crimson just stared after them and shook his head.