A Promise Forever
***************************
I hate these words I say
The promises I make
I hate the way we lie
The promises were fake
Shattered dreams, broken lives
Lay scattered across the universe
The promises you made me
It was only lies that you gave me
***************************
Her hair fell softly over his shoulder as she leaned her head sadly on it. She couldn't count the times that they had been up here together, like this. Sharing a tender moment. She hadn't escaped the agony, the pain and anguish, but she was trying. She took a deep breath. He was the only one who knew. He was the only one she trusted with the secret.
"I miss this," she sighed, choking back tears, "It's so peaceful up here..."
"Shh... be still," he told her, "Crying won't do you any good."
"I've cried and cried, I thought I had no water left in me to cry any more."
"You get headaches when you cry, you know," she looked up at him when he said this.
"Number one, I think I'd know that, seeing what I've been through in the past couple of days, and number two, I am in the career of medicine!"
"I know, I'm just stating the obvious." There was silence after he said that. She was lost in her thoughts. She had told no one but him why the patient had known her name, why she had been so emotional to cracking her chest, why she had run out, on the verge of screaming. She knew Dr. Greene was a little angry with her for doing it, but he didn't know. No one knew.
"It's not your fault, Luce, you know that!" he comforted her.
"I should have known. I should have done something!"-Choking back the tears- "I went to school with her! I grew up with her, I graduated with her for Christ's sake! I knew her before she could walk!"
"She lived in a rough neighborhood..."
"You don't understand!" the tears were choking her now, "She was Nicole! She could survive anything! She was the tough one, the strong one. Isn't amazing how a small piece of lead can show how wrong you were?"
"You weren't wrong. She fought to the end."
"I always hated Stanley!" Lucy scowled with loathing, "I knew he wasn't right for her!"
"He's in custody now, Luce, everything will be OK, I promise," but Lucy laughed.
"Promise? What good are promises? Nicole promised me she'd try to get off the heroin. Yeah, she tried. About five years later! If there's one thing I can't stand, it's watching my friends consciously hurting themselves."
"I keep my promises," he assured her. Lucy looked into his eyes.
"Do you?"
"Yes."
"Then promise me this," she took his hand in hers, "Promise me that what happened to Nicole won't happen to you or me or anyone else we know. I don't want to be an addict, I don't want to marry an abusive husband and I don't want to die like that, Carter, not the way she did!"
"I promise that you will die happy, Lucy."
"That's not the same thing," she told him.
"Then I promise you will die happy, and surrounded by people you love at an old age."
"Carter... there is another thing..." she paused.
"What?" she looked him in the eyes.
"Promise me that... promise me you'll be my friend?"
"I am your friend, Lucy," he assured her.
"Forever!"
"That's a long time..."
"Just promise me!"
"OK, Luce, I promise," Carter smiled at her and hugged her.
***************************
Your eyes are like the changing ocean
Peircing my soul like daggers
Your words are like poison
Straining my heart, making me stagger
Because you broke your promise
Life is short and cruel
You shattered my dreams
I trusted you; I was a fool.
***************************
He looked in the mirror at the bags under his eyes and his tousled hair sticking out at odd angles. He looked sick. He was sick. Sick with grief and pain. He looked around for his drugs. The drugs would help. He needed his painkillers. He believed the painkillers would numb the pain that he felt, stifle the guilt and suffering that was rising within him like a storm waiting to unleash it's force.
He looked at his watch. Three AM. He was not an insomniac. He was not an addict. It wasn't his fault that he needed his medication. It wasn't his fault that Paul Sobriki had chosen Cook County instead of another hospital; it wasn't his fault Lucy picked his chart out of all the others; it wasn't his fault Paul was schizophrenic; it wasn't his fault that Paul had found a knife. It wasn't his fault that Paul had killed Lucy. Ripped her life from her like taking candy from a child.
In a way, Lucy was a child when she died. A beautiful, friendly, happy, blond child. She was youthful, in her twenties, eager to become a doctor and save the world.
We can't all save the world.
And some don't want to. No, some opt to destroy it.
Carter splashed his face with water. He had promised Lucy she wouldn't die the way her friend had, and yet she died in a very similar way to it. Carter finally found his meds. About to take them, he remembered Lucy's words to him.
"It there's one thing I can't stand, it's watching my friends consciously hurt themselves."
And here he was. Consciously hurting himself. How ironic. He had broken his promise. He had told her that he never broke his promises. If he had to break any promise, any promise in the world, it would never be that. He wished as much as Lucy did that she would live a long, happy life, surrounded by loved ones.
In a way, he'd kept his promise. She had been surrounded by friends... sort of.
"What am I doing?" he asked himself, "Trying to find a way out? There is no way out. I did it. This is my fault. I broke my promise..." he fell to the tiled floor and the tears began to flow. Then, he stopped. He remembered something else. There was another promise that seemed to mean a lot to her. Had he broken that one too? He looked up at the ceiling.
"I'm still your friend, Lucy," he whispered, his breath shaking, "And I always will be..." he buried his face in his hands. The window, which was open, blew in a small piece of paper with one word scrawled in blue ink.
'Forever.'
***************************
Scars will fade and wounds will heal
The memory will stay
Though we lied to each other
Unspoken truths were uncovered today
Though we broke some promises
Remember those we kept
You're never a fool to trust someone
That I won't forget.
***************************
***************************
I hate these words I say
The promises I make
I hate the way we lie
The promises were fake
Shattered dreams, broken lives
Lay scattered across the universe
The promises you made me
It was only lies that you gave me
***************************
Her hair fell softly over his shoulder as she leaned her head sadly on it. She couldn't count the times that they had been up here together, like this. Sharing a tender moment. She hadn't escaped the agony, the pain and anguish, but she was trying. She took a deep breath. He was the only one who knew. He was the only one she trusted with the secret.
"I miss this," she sighed, choking back tears, "It's so peaceful up here..."
"Shh... be still," he told her, "Crying won't do you any good."
"I've cried and cried, I thought I had no water left in me to cry any more."
"You get headaches when you cry, you know," she looked up at him when he said this.
"Number one, I think I'd know that, seeing what I've been through in the past couple of days, and number two, I am in the career of medicine!"
"I know, I'm just stating the obvious." There was silence after he said that. She was lost in her thoughts. She had told no one but him why the patient had known her name, why she had been so emotional to cracking her chest, why she had run out, on the verge of screaming. She knew Dr. Greene was a little angry with her for doing it, but he didn't know. No one knew.
"It's not your fault, Luce, you know that!" he comforted her.
"I should have known. I should have done something!"-Choking back the tears- "I went to school with her! I grew up with her, I graduated with her for Christ's sake! I knew her before she could walk!"
"She lived in a rough neighborhood..."
"You don't understand!" the tears were choking her now, "She was Nicole! She could survive anything! She was the tough one, the strong one. Isn't amazing how a small piece of lead can show how wrong you were?"
"You weren't wrong. She fought to the end."
"I always hated Stanley!" Lucy scowled with loathing, "I knew he wasn't right for her!"
"He's in custody now, Luce, everything will be OK, I promise," but Lucy laughed.
"Promise? What good are promises? Nicole promised me she'd try to get off the heroin. Yeah, she tried. About five years later! If there's one thing I can't stand, it's watching my friends consciously hurting themselves."
"I keep my promises," he assured her. Lucy looked into his eyes.
"Do you?"
"Yes."
"Then promise me this," she took his hand in hers, "Promise me that what happened to Nicole won't happen to you or me or anyone else we know. I don't want to be an addict, I don't want to marry an abusive husband and I don't want to die like that, Carter, not the way she did!"
"I promise that you will die happy, Lucy."
"That's not the same thing," she told him.
"Then I promise you will die happy, and surrounded by people you love at an old age."
"Carter... there is another thing..." she paused.
"What?" she looked him in the eyes.
"Promise me that... promise me you'll be my friend?"
"I am your friend, Lucy," he assured her.
"Forever!"
"That's a long time..."
"Just promise me!"
"OK, Luce, I promise," Carter smiled at her and hugged her.
***************************
Your eyes are like the changing ocean
Peircing my soul like daggers
Your words are like poison
Straining my heart, making me stagger
Because you broke your promise
Life is short and cruel
You shattered my dreams
I trusted you; I was a fool.
***************************
He looked in the mirror at the bags under his eyes and his tousled hair sticking out at odd angles. He looked sick. He was sick. Sick with grief and pain. He looked around for his drugs. The drugs would help. He needed his painkillers. He believed the painkillers would numb the pain that he felt, stifle the guilt and suffering that was rising within him like a storm waiting to unleash it's force.
He looked at his watch. Three AM. He was not an insomniac. He was not an addict. It wasn't his fault that he needed his medication. It wasn't his fault that Paul Sobriki had chosen Cook County instead of another hospital; it wasn't his fault Lucy picked his chart out of all the others; it wasn't his fault Paul was schizophrenic; it wasn't his fault that Paul had found a knife. It wasn't his fault that Paul had killed Lucy. Ripped her life from her like taking candy from a child.
In a way, Lucy was a child when she died. A beautiful, friendly, happy, blond child. She was youthful, in her twenties, eager to become a doctor and save the world.
We can't all save the world.
And some don't want to. No, some opt to destroy it.
Carter splashed his face with water. He had promised Lucy she wouldn't die the way her friend had, and yet she died in a very similar way to it. Carter finally found his meds. About to take them, he remembered Lucy's words to him.
"It there's one thing I can't stand, it's watching my friends consciously hurt themselves."
And here he was. Consciously hurting himself. How ironic. He had broken his promise. He had told her that he never broke his promises. If he had to break any promise, any promise in the world, it would never be that. He wished as much as Lucy did that she would live a long, happy life, surrounded by loved ones.
In a way, he'd kept his promise. She had been surrounded by friends... sort of.
"What am I doing?" he asked himself, "Trying to find a way out? There is no way out. I did it. This is my fault. I broke my promise..." he fell to the tiled floor and the tears began to flow. Then, he stopped. He remembered something else. There was another promise that seemed to mean a lot to her. Had he broken that one too? He looked up at the ceiling.
"I'm still your friend, Lucy," he whispered, his breath shaking, "And I always will be..." he buried his face in his hands. The window, which was open, blew in a small piece of paper with one word scrawled in blue ink.
'Forever.'
***************************
Scars will fade and wounds will heal
The memory will stay
Though we lied to each other
Unspoken truths were uncovered today
Though we broke some promises
Remember those we kept
You're never a fool to trust someone
That I won't forget.
***************************