Theatre Sucks: A Rival
Schools Story
By "Grand Master
Shoma"
By "Judge
Neusy"
We'll be blunt: we don't
own any of the characters, but we own this story. Don't steal it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
June 15, 2001 6:45 P.M.
Natsu
was just getting herself ready for her date tonight with Shoma. As she was
slipping on her dress, she heard from outside her window a light and simple
"NATSUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!" Opening the window to see her date, she was
in disgust. She heard Shoma say "C'mon Natsu, we don't want to be late for
the theatre. Get a move on, girl!"
"Well
Shoma, why should I get a move on when your clothes look like you're ready for
a baseball game and not for a date to the theatre, you moron!!" Natsu
yelled whilst putting on her dress.
"You
might think that, but since were going to the theatre, I thought we might just
go..." Shoma said as he pulled off his baseball clothes and revealed a
classy suit, "... in style!!"
"Nice,
Shoma." Natsu said as she was having problems putting on her fishnet
stockings, "Next, you should learn to use the stairs instead of yelling up
my window for every single fuckin' date!!"
Confused,
he said back, "There were stairs?"
"Well,
how do you think I get down from this busy apartment?"
"...
Psycho-kinetic magic??"
"...
Just wait for me down there." She yelled from the window, "Why do you
still have your bat with you?!"
"In
case of protection."
"..."
"Not
that kind of protection, that'd be nuts."
"..."
"Not
that kind of nuts, that'd be screwy!"
"...?"
"Not
that kind of screwing, 'cause we're not ready for that!"
When she came down, she was ever so foxy looking. Every
part of the clothing fit in the right places. As Shoma whistled at Natsu for
her sexy body, once again he got smacked upside the head with a volleyball.
This always happens: as Natsu and Shoma get in the car, they always reverse
their seating arrangements (Natsu is not the driver!!!), then take a few
minutes to rearrange things. Then off they went to the opera. (This is not the
opera where the girl has to go up on stage and sing, thus bringing closer a
giant purple octopus that wants to kill her, thus some heroes will save her.
[From Final Fantasy 6] )
Parking was simple (simple, meaning clearing straight
over 12 people), and they went straight inside, stopping only once so that
Shoma could get some Butterfinger BBs. Seating themselves on the balcony to the
front seats, they got comfortable. They then heard an announcer speak out,
"Ladies and gentlemen, presenting to you, the world's greatest opera
singer, Luciano Pavarotti!"
"Opera!?" Natsu shouted.
"Oh no." Shoma grieved in disgust.
They then saw the world-renowned opera singer walk out in
his bountiful girth, started singing some concertos and sonatas. "Shut
up!!" Shoma yelled. He was silenced by the crowd, but retorted "Oh go
to hell!!" After a few minutes passed, he saw Natsu bored out of her mind,
so he wanted to cheer her up. Poking her, he then whispered, "Hey Natsu.
If that guy was a bullfighter, there would be no way a bull could miss a target
that big!" Natsu happily laughed back.
"Excuse me, some of us are trying to watch the opera
here!" Roberto spoke back, whilst Momo was clinging on to his arm (Yeah,
she's a player).
"Roberto? Momo??" Natsu was puzzled.
"Eh, she wanted to go to the opera."
"Wait a minute... How could you two be sitting ahead
of us if we have the front balcony seats?" Shoma questioned in a
realized tone. Realizing that the two were sitting on nothing, Roberto tossed
himself and Momo to the seats behind them in record time.
Irritated with the opera, Shoma snapped, "SHUT UP,
FATBOY!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Realizing what he heard, the great Pavarotti pulled out a
shotgun while performing, and aimed solely for Natsu and Shoma. As he was
firing, the two took their time to escape.
"That was a nice date, Shoma. Except for the
opera."
"Me too, Natsu."
When they gazed upon each other with the eyes of lovers,
they finally made it to second base, and almost third base. What they did not
know was that Batsu was taking pictures of them making out. "The way the
two make out, it looks as if Natsu was the man." he muttered to himself,
only to be singled out by a watchful Natsu. When she was chasing him, you could
hear in the distance "You can't hurt me! Our names rhyme!" When she
came back, Shoma gave out a hearty 'way to go man!', and was soon running into
the distance!!
July 5th, 2001 8:25 A.M.
"I can't believe it!!" Edge screamed, "All
the schools have a stupid-ass drama program! And during the summer, mind
you!"
"Stop your whining, dipshit! This program will be
over soon enough, my friend." Daigo said.
"We're getting a new teacher!" Gan cheered.
"I hope he's strong-willed, determined, and likes to eat lots!"
"I hope he's like me: a knife-wielding maniac!"
Edge thought out loud.
"Edge, why would he be like you?" Daigo asked.
"There's not many knife-wielding teachers in this
world!" Edge talked back.
"GOOD!!" Gan said.
Then the teacher for drama came in, and it was plenty
they didn't expect: scandalously revealing miniskirt, silverish-black hair, and
one of the hottest women you would ever see. Even more hotter than if Kyoko and
Chun-li ever merged together. The guys were having heart eyes, even Daigo. He smacked
Edge because he loved Akira, and Gan's brain locked up for a second or so. The
teacher was writing her name on the board, and introduced herself to the
students. "Hello students, my name is Mrs. Maseru, and I will be your
drama teacher."
"... Why? Why are you here? This school has never
had a drama class in the past 50 years. And no female faculty has been here
ever since the school opened." Edge made his point.
"Well, things have changed. Back to your desk."
"I'M NOT LISTENING TO THE LIKES OF YOU!!" Edge
hollered to the teacher, but was then grounded by Daigo.
"Anyway, the play we're doing is 'Rapunzel'. Which
means that some of you are going to play the role of women, and I'm sorry if
it'll degrade you of your manhood. But manhood these days is dead. In a minute
we will select roles."
A few minutes later...
"Okay men. The roles each student will play will be
decided by me." After a slight understanding from the students, she
started naming roles and names. "The role of the prince's mighty steed
will be..." At this point, everyone was hoping that Gan would be the part,
including Gan himself. "... Gary."
"I'm gonna die! You can't do this!!" Gary
yelled as he spazzed out and jumped through the window.
"The role of the old, evil hag is... Gan Ishida."
"Alright! I'll get to show off my fabulous
bod!" Gan said as he was doing some supermodel body showing-off. The rest
of the boys giggled like a bunch of schoolgirls.
"The role of the devilishly handsome prince will
be... Daigo Kazama."
"... I guess I fit the part." Daigo stated
while the others cheered out.
"And the role of the very hot and sexy princess will
be done by... Yamada." Since no one responded, she said out loud,
"Who here is named Yamada?"
"Ha! Since the teacher doesn't know who I am, I
won't get picked..." Edge thought to himself, trying to hide himself.
But Daigo said that he was there, thus pissing Edge off. "I hate you
Boss!!"
July 8th, 2001 4:50 P.M.
The Gedo High students were all busy as beavers trying to
get this play on the road. Mrs. Maseru was also pressuring the students to
work, because on the auditorium stage, she's a hardcore bitch.
"Alright people!! Don't get this shit fucked up
again!!! Let's rehearse Act 6 because that's where you fuckin' asswipes fuck it
up the most!" Mrs. Maseru screamed as she was pushing the students around.
"Gan, you fuckin' piece of pig fat, start narrating!"
"Don't push me around, you psychotic whore!!"
Gan yelled, then started to read calmly, "Act 6: The dark tower where the
princess was being held captive was in full for the gallant prince (He messed
up, but only because we messed up). He and his mighty steed rode off to save
her." And you could see Gary trying to walk on all fours while Daigo was
sitting on him.
"I hate being a mighty steed!" Gary whined.
"Horses can't talk, Gary." Daigo talked back.
After a few minutes of struggling, they finally made it to the dark tower. They
saw Edge, sitting on the top of the Styrofoam tower (you work with what you
have). "Edge, you can't have your hair up!"
"Well make me bring it down, bitch!" Edge
called from above.
"Why you little..." Daigo yelled.
"HOLD IT!!!!" Mrs. Maseru screeched, "AIM
THE FIRE HOSE!!!" And with precision accuracy, fired directly onto Edge's
hair, just enough to flop his hair down.
They continued on with
the play.
Daigo spoke in his most princely tone, "Rapunzel,
Rapunzel. Let down thy golden hair."
Edge screeched, "NOT BY THE HAIRS ON MY CHINNY CHIN
CHIN!!!"
"Why you little!!!" Daigo screamed as he
punched that large chunk of Styrofoam, thus causing the tower to crumble and
fall.
"Daigo, you messed my hair!" Edge yelled as he
was trying to get out of the Styrofoam, "You're not much of a
prince."
"You're not much of a princess."
"Good point."
"Act 7: As the prince and princess rode off into the
distance, they embraced in a lover's kiss. Huh????" Gan narrated. This
caused some confusion for Edge and Daigo.
"I can't kiss Daigo. He's my boss and my
girlfriend's older brother." Edge thought to himself.
"I can't kiss Edge. He's my right-hand man and my
sister's boyfriend. He's also a dipshit." Daigo thought as well.
But they had to.
(If you want to picture them kissing, go right ahead! Just don't blame
us for nasty thoughts.) Daigo pushed Edge off Gary. "... Did you just slip
me the tongue?!"
"I had to do it, by picturing you as Akira!"
"... Just don't!"
"Alright, you little queers! That performance was
actually great! Remember that the play starts tomorrow! Luckily, we are last.
So don't fuck the job up, you fuckin' cock-suckers!"
"Ouch man, very ouch." Edge said.
July 9, 2001 7:00 P.M.
It was a big night at the theatre, and it was busy, busy,
busy. The schools that mattered were the only ones that performed (Not counting
Pacific and Justice).
The first play that was up and ready to go was Taiyo
High's "Snow White and the 7 Dwarves". Basically, Batsu was Snow
White, and he actually sang with the animals. It was good to go, until the
animals started fighting back, sniffing his crotch and ripping his dress. Then
he started throwing some deer. They got an average applause.
The next play was Gorin High's "The Emperor's New
Clothes". Poor Shoma! He had to be the emperor.
Daigo, Edge, and Gan were watching the Seijyun High's
"Cinderella". As they were watching the ballroom scene (That's when
they actually got there), something went horribly wrong. During the scene where Cinderella had to leave the ball before the
stroke of midnight, Zaki (who was Cinderella), forgot to leave her glass
slipper.
"Akira's not that bad as a prince." Daigo
complimented.
"Akira's the prince?" Edge said.
Into the audience, they heard Akira say, "I shall
use this glass slipper to..." Seeing that the glass slipper wasn't there,
she panicked, "Where's the shoe?" Zaki just tossed it, which knocked
Akira out.
"Oh God." Daigo muttered.
After that play, the Gedo students finally went on. This
is now backstage. Daigo looked into the mirror to see the costume that was made
for him. "Damn, I'm a sexy bitch." Daigo thought to himself,
that egotistical bastard. Everyone was waiting for the star to come out.
"I'll get him." Going up to Edge's door, he knocked and said,
"Edge, come out now."
"I'm not coming out." Edge repelled his voice.
"You're coming out!"
"I'M NOT COMING OUT!!!"
"That's it!!" Daigo punched the door down.
"Edge, you don't look half that bad."
Poor Edge. He was wearing a puffy pink dress with laces
on the bottom, black tights, lavender eye shadow, blush, and eye-liner, and
ruby red lipstick. He was very pissed at it. Daigo was even more interested on
what he was holding. "What is that Edge?"
"My sister's fake hooters." Edge calmly stated.
"Every time I slip them in the dress, they keep falling out."
"You need a bro man."
"No bro!"
"You need a bro!"
"No!!!!"
"Then put a damn bra on, you pussy!"
"Fine!!!!"
When Daigo and Edge walked out, the guys were making cat
calls. Poor Edge!! Such calls were "Hey princess, go out with me.",
"Let me fuck you good!", "Slip me the tongue, sugar
bum.", and "Hey princess, let's do 69!" That particular call
pissed Edge off.
"I'd stab you," Edge stated while jiggling his
ass, "but the show's going to start, and I don't want your blood on my
dress."
One last call was "Damn, he has a tight ass."
He was silenced by Edge's flying knife of death.
Meanwhile...
"Let's take these spots." Akira said as she and
her friends sat where Daigo and the others sat.
Yurika asked, "Do you know who's who?"
"No. Daigo just told me to make the costumes for
them." Then, whilst giggling, she said, "I wouldn't be surprised if
Brother Daigo's the princess!"
"Hmmm..." Yurika thought, then said, "500¥
say that Edge is the princess."
"You're on!!" Zaki spazzed, showing a 500¥
paper.
The girls were watching what was one boring-ass play.
Then they heard Gan narrate, "Act 6: The dark tower where the princess was
being held captive was a mission that only the prince himself could do. He and
his mighty steed rode off to save her." Akira was astounded to see Daigo
in the prince costume, and poor Gary as the horse. "Oh, poor Gary."
"How do you know it's Gary?" Zaki asked.
"I can hear him complaining."
Upon the stage, Daigo, hearing Gary's complaints,
whispered, "Horses can't complain, Gary." He then mounted from his
steed, and yelled out, "And now to save the fair princess from the dark
hell she is confined into." Edge finally showed himself from the tower, he
was literally sparkling. He spotted Akira in the audience, and choked.
Surprised on what she saw, she said "Edge... has
hooters?"
"Pay up, Zaki." Yurika said as she greedily
took the 500 from Zaki.
"Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let-eth down thy golden hair so
that I may climb up, and free you from the dark confinements of this hell
hole."
Edge was choked, thus couldn't say anything.
A bit pissed off, but still keeping his cool, he said
once again, "Let-eth down thy golden hair!!!"
"NOT BY THE HAIRS OF MY CHINNY CHIN
CHIN!!!!!!!"
This drove him to the breaking point. "WHY YOU
LITTLE!!" He tackled the damn tower, then shaked it violently, thus
throwing Edge out, revealing his panty area. People were taking pictures,
including Akira. No, she wasn't turned on. Or so it seems.
After a few minutes passed, Gan started reading act 7.
"Act 7: As the prince and princess rode off into the distance, they
embraced in a lover's kiss." Akira embraced for impact.
Daigo whispered, "Edge, are you ready?"
Edge said, "No."
Then they went at it. "And our lovely couple rode
off into the sunset. The End."
The crowd was cheering,
until Edge was chucked to where Akira was. Then Daigo beat him good for
slipping him the tongue.
The End
