I've had this story for ages and I've just been sitting on it. I finally decided to post it.
Hope you think it's funny... I don't particularly.
Sorry for any typos, I can't be bothered checking.
Once upon a time there lived a young girl named Goldilocks. Her father had died when she was very young. Her stepmosther was very mean to her and so were her two pretty sisters, Red Riding Hood and Cinderella. One day, while Red and Cindy were at a ball, Goldi's stepmother sent Cinderella to visit Grandmother Bear with a basket of goodies for her porridge.
On the way to the cottage in the park, Goldi met an UGLY prince. He was very mean and wanted to marry the first girl he saw. (He's a desperate bum) The first girl he saw was (surprise, surprise) Goldi. Goldi didn't want to marry the ugly prince, so she ran away into the park.
Luckily, she found her way to the bear's cottage. She tipped her goodies into the pot on the stove, added water and stirred. It made a creamy porridge. She quickly poured it out into three bowls.
Upstairs, she ran to hids. Just in time! In came the prince. He didn't bother to knock (because he was rude as well as ugly). On the tavle, he saw three bowls of his favourite food. Being very greedy (and rude and ugly), he tried the largest bowl first. Ouch! Too hot! Then he tried the middle-sized bowl. Still too hot! He didn't bother to try the third bowl as it had spilt onto the florr.
He was a little tired after chasing Goldilocks so he decided to sit down. The first chair he sat on broke straight away. The prince was so angry that he went straight upstairs to have a nap. (because mummy always says to take time out when you're feeling grumpy)
Goldilocks was pretending to be Grandma (where was grandma?). The prince opened the door.
He said, "Grandma, what small ears yo uhave!"
Goldi said, "Speak up, young man!"
"Grandma, what small brown eyes you have!"
"I can see you quite clearly."
"Grandma, what small feet you have! I can see you little girl, so just give up and come with me to the church."
Goldilocks jumped out of bed and ran out the door, leaving a small white glove on the stairs. (how can it be small if it falls off a little girl's hand? It obviously doesn't fit right.) The prince had followed her and found the glove.
"Whoever fits this glove," he said "Will be my bride."
He went to every house in town looking for the lucky girl. (unlucky if you ask me) When he got to Goldi's house, Cindy and Red both tried it on. It did not fit either of the girls (so long as they're a girl, the glove won't fit). The prince was beginning to doubt if he would ever find the girl. Goldi thought that any man who would try so hard to find her deserved to marry her. So she (foolishly) tried on the glove (which was still to big) and married the prince.