Disclaimer: Charas not mine. Situation is. TV studio is mine. (I'm renting it out real cheep, too!) Yohji's leather and Ken's "fuck-me" bitch boots are mine too!
WARNING: insanity! HUMOR. YAOI…..um…I don't think any lemon or lime, but we'll see in the later parts, ne?
(NOTE: I just didn't feel like finishing this ficcie all at once. The parts are labeled A, B, …ext… because once it is done, I will join the parts together to get the full story.
Yo-tan's Laws for Seduction (Part B)
~-~-~-~-~ Commercial ~-~-~-~-~
(Scene opens in a hospital room…)
(Short dark-haired psycho girl enters with an IV and a bottle of pink stuff.)
Sakura-chan: Heeeeeey! (Bwahaha!) It's me! Your favorite muse! And I'm here to tell ya about this new miracle product…SOBE!!!
( ::cackle, grin, twitch:: )
It makes ya feel like you're on top of the world! …then you wanna jump off!!! (Mwahahahahaaaaa…. ::cough:: )
And now, with my new Sakura-brand specially made portable I.V.'s, you can experience Sobe ANYTIME!!!
(Attaches bottle of pink stuff into an I.V. and presses the "inject" button.)
….Ahhhhhhh…That's the way! No more wasting time with that pesky swallowing and digesting! Now you can inject Sobe DIRECTLY INTO YOUR BODY!!!
( ::evil Heero Yuy cackle:: )
Just call 1-800-SOBE-4-ME…that's 1-800-SOBE-4-ME!!! Well…what the fu-(*bleep*) are you waiting for?! BUY NOW DAMMIT!!!
( ::cackles once more before turning and jumping out the seven story window.:: )
~-~-~-~-~ Fade Out ~-~-~-~-~
(( Screen cuts back to Yohji ))
Yohji: ::dressed again but looking slightly disheveled:: Welcome back to "Yo-tan's Laws for Seduction" with me, your host, Yo-tan! ::waggles eyebrows::
(various audience members scream their approval while others just pass out)
Yohji: Now our next guest is wearing a sexy little number I picked out backstage just minutes before the show. ::drooling:: Everyone, please welcome KEN HIDAKA!!!
(Ken walks out shakily in cropped tank top and ass-tight jean shorts. Outfit is completed with white, thigh-high, stiletto "fuck-me" bitch boots.) (Maintenance goes to mop up puddles of drool from the hentai audience.)
Yohji: Mmm….. Oh right. *Ahem* I will now demonstrate lesson number two.
(Ray-Chan lugs out a giant shopping bag full of supplies. Yohji takes the bag…and Ray-Chan's phone number.)
Yohji: ::winks:: Always keep your options open.
Ken: Is that lesson number two?
Yohji: Ken! ::glares at him:: I told you not to talk! Just stand there and try to look sexy. ::faces audience and tosses hair over shoulder with a sultry grin::
(audience melts.)
Ken: ……riiiiight.
Yohji: Know what's in the bag, KenKen?
Ken:…..uh…..Not re-
(Yohji gives death glare. Ken meeps and shuts up, instead just shaking his head 'no'.)
Yohji: ::now smiling kinky Yohji smile:: My own formula for hot lovin'!
(taking out articles as he names them)
Yohji: One bag M&Ms…. One pound mini marshmallows….Two dozen large strawberries….and a quart of mixed vodka and peach schnapps! ::takes a drink:: ::coughs and eyes water:: That's good shit!
(audience sweatdrops)
Ken: Um…I think I'll pass….
(Yohji takes another drink……then grabs Ken, giving him a sloppy openmouthed kiss.)
Ken: ::choking and collapses to the floor:: Ungg….(::pupils dialating::) …whoooooo~. …Mmm…..
Yohji: (::unzipping Ken's pant's::) Oh..we'll take a quick commercial break now while I viola-…er…. "teach" Ken. ::waggles eyebrows and grabs the marshmallows::
~-~-~-~-~ Commercial ~-~-~-~-~
(Scene open with the four Schwarz bishounen! …all wearing inflatable biceps and tiny tank tops? ::sweatdrop:: )
(Schwarz guys reach off camera and pull in Quatre Raberba Winner.)
Nagi: ::in a fake deep voice:: 'ELLO!!!
Schuldich: We are the "Schwarz-inegers"!!!
All: AND WE'RE HERE TO ( ::pound chests:: ) PUMP YOU UP!!!
Quatre: ::sweatdrop:: …um…I'll be going now.
(Tries to run away but is stopped by a mega-masculine Farfie grabbing the collar of his pretty-boy pink shirt.)
Crawford: Not so fast, girly-boy!
Farfie: ::evil grin:: We're going to pump you up you little puke!
Quatre: O,O …um. Help?
Schuldich: Yes, "help", little he-she! 'Cause we are going to…
All: ( ::pound chests:: ) PUMP YOU UP!!!!!
Quatre: NOOooooo…. ::whining:: Gu~ys!!!
Duo: (From offstage) Uh..sorry, Q-man. You're on your own.
(G-Boys run away screaming like little girls.)
Quatre: ::pouts:: Not fair.
Schuldich: ::grinning kinky Schuldich grin:: Yes, little man! We will "pump" up your little girly LIBIDO!!!
Quatre: Um…really? Well….that sounds okay.
Crawford: ::holds up bottle:: Thanks to our miracle drug…VIAGRA!!!!!
Quatre: O,O Uh oh.
(Tries to escape but bulky Schwarz-inegers hold him down as they empty the bottle of Viagra into his mouth.)
Quatre: Unggg……ooooooohh…..!!!
( ::grins evil sex-a-holic grin at Trowa who is trying to hide offstage::)
Quatre: ::rips off his girly pink shirt:: I'M HOT! I'M HORNY! AND I WANT SOME ACTION NOW!!!!!!
(Trowa pales and runs away with a horny half-naked Quatre following close behind, energy driven on by his now super libido.)
Farfie: ::still grinning:: That's it folks! VIAGRA! It's good to…
All: PUMP ( ::pound chests:: ) YOU UP!!!!
Nagi: Get yours now!
Schuldich: ::shoving his tongue down Crawford's throat:: Unnng…Don't delay! Get some ass today!!!
~-~-~-~-~ Fade Out ~-~-~-~-~