Aiya! Well, this is
another songfic, and my longest yet!
Hope you enjoy it! X_^ (I have a black eye from a hockey stick
slamming in my face during practise…Ouch!)
Please review at the end!
Disclaimer: I do not
own any of these characters, they belong to Squaresoft. Danny DeVito is Danny DeVito, Ricky Martin
is Ricky Martin, Budweiser belongs to the owner of Budweiser (well, duh!),
Michael Jackson is himself, "Blood is on the Dance Floor" belongs to Michael
Jackson, "Music" belongs to Madge, Fructus belongs to L'Oreal, Herbal Essences
belongs to whoever the manufacturer is, ditto for Wash and Go, and basically
everything else that is famous does not belong to me unfortunately.
At the end of the long epic battle between Ultimecia and the
group of friends, they decided to throw a party to unwind once they'd managed
to travel back to their time period. We
see Irvine dancing and chatting up the girls, Quistis thinking, "What kind of a
dork is he?!" and stomping around, Selphie video-taping the occasion, Zell
scoffing and choking on hot dogs and Squall and Rinoa copping off on the
balcony when they get the chance. How
romantic! (Not the way I'm writing it,
but there you go). Even Seifer turned
up to the occasion. A DJ walks in and
gets a party going, while the girls go and jazz themselves up and the blokes
start boozing, heavily. After a while
the DJ starts playing familiar song, and Selphie, Quistis and Rinoa march in on
the scene.
All: Hey Mister DJ,
put a record on, I wanna hook up with my baby!
Bootylicious – with a twist!
Selphie, (Wobbles in on VERY high heels) can you handle
this?
Quisty, (Whip firmly attached to her waist) can you handle
this?
Rinoa, (Pinwheel flashing in the neon lights on her wrist)
can you handle this?
I don't think the blokes can handle this!
Whoo-hoo!!!!
Selphie: You
slappers move, coz we've arrived,
Rinoa: Am I an
angel? You decide.
Quisty: I'm the
coolest!
Selphie: I'm so
cute!
All: DJ, play it
cool!
Quisty: (pointing at
Seifer) You spotted me, kinky thing!
Rinoa: (pointing at
Squall) There you are! Come on Squally!
Don't you wanna dance with me?
Can you handle, handle me?
All: You gotta do
much better if you gonna dance wit' us tonight,
You gotta shake your asses if you
gonna dance wit' us tonight!
Selphie: Read my
lips, k Irvy? You better shake that
bon-bon!
Do it better than tricky-Ricky!
By the looks I got ya shook up
and scared o'me!
Hook up your seat belt, it's time
for take-off!
All: I can see you
want me, come and get me!
I can see it shakin', shake it to
me!
But I don't think you're ready
for me!
Quistis: Coz I'm
snapping my whip down your way, baby!
All: I can see you
want me, come and get me!
I can see it shakin', shake it my
way!
But I don't think you're ready
for me!
Quistis: Coz I'm
snapping my whip down your way baby!
All: Baby, (Snap of
the whip) can you handle this?
Baby, (Whir of a pinwheel) can
you handle this?
Baby, (CLINCK! …Selphie's massive heels snap) can you
handle this?
Quistis and Rinoa: I
don't think Selphie can handle this!!
AH-HA!!!
Selphie: STOP!!!
(Music stops). I can't help it
if I'm leetle! After all, 9-inch
platform shoes with a 4-inch heel?! I
know I'm supposed to try and make myself look taller, but not like this!!!
Rinoa: Too
bad. We'll put you in a grow bag along
with Danny DeVito for two years once we've hooked up! Howz that?
Selphie: Shut it
rhinolophus hipposideros! (HA! That'll show all those who think I'm a
ditz!)
Rinoa: Don't call me
a frickin' bat!
Selphie:
…DAMN!!! Just as I thought I was
clever. ;_;
Quistis: Rinoa, how the heck can we hook up with the
lads? They're rolling on the
floor! If they drunk as much Budweiser as
we have champagne before now, then I hate to think of their bladder situation…
rhinolophus hippo…I mean, Rinoa: Ahhhhh!!!!!
Just shut your traps!
All'o'ya!!! We'll change Michael
Jackson's song "Blood is on the Dance floor" to "Peeing on the dance floor" if
we have to to get their attention!
Author: Erm, can we
get back to the song, now? The readers
are waiting…
All: …CARRY
ON!!!! (á la Mark and Lard)
Selphie: I just
broke my heel off!
Superglue won't glue it on!
Quistis: (Oblivious
to Selphie's lines) Lead with hips, slap my thighs,
Swing my hair, square my eyes.
Rinoa: Lookin' hot-a! Smellin' good! (stuck her
nose under her armpits at this point) NGAH!!!!! SMELLIN' BAD! SMELLIN'
BAD!! (Ran into the bathroom)
Quistis: (Ignoring
Rinoa, eyes squared on Seifer) Groovin' like I'm from da 'hood!
Selphie: Look over
my shoulder, topple over.
I can't handle, handle this!!!
(Rinoa runs back at this point, puffed).
All: I don't think
ya ready for this jelly,
I don't think ya ready,
Selphie: (drinking a
Blue Hawaii cocktail) Pop this cherry!
All: I don't think
ya ready for this!
Selphie: Coz I
snapped my heel from bouncing baby!
All: I don't think
ya ready for this jelly,
I don't think ya ready,
Selphie: (Grabbed an
Italian dish from the passing waiter) scoff spaghetti!
All: I don't think
ya ready for this!
Selphie: Coz I
snapped my heel from bouncing baby!
(Throws the plate of spaghetti at the DJ)
(The Librarian girl with the pig-tails waltzes into the room,
and steals the dance floor immediately with her hub-bub-a-bubbin' on the dance
floor)
Librarian: Move your
body up and down (whoo!)
Make your booty touch the ground
(whoo!)
I can't help but wonder why
(whoo!)
Is my hair really suited to
Fructus shampoo?!
All: You may shake
your hair like Angelo
But let me tell you somethin'
girl, Herbal Essences is cool!
And I can tell you, you should go
and get some, "Wash and Go",
Then get some conditioner for
your hair and leave us to flow!
Librarian: (talking through the dodgy trumpet fanfare
imitations of the others) Geez, guys, thanks for the advice! At least after that I may be able to, or
maybe if he would like to, or maybe I should go and ask him, or maybe I should
send him a txt msge, or maybe I should get someone else to ask him (music
stopping), or maybe I should broadcast it over the world and hope he's watching
TV, or maybe I should send him an email, or maybe I should just go up to him
and tell him, "Grab your coat blokey, you've pulled", or maybe I should…
All: MAYBE
YOU SHOULD SHUT UP AND LET THE REST OF US PULL WHILE YOU'RE STILL DECIDING HOW
YOU SHOULD EVER SO SUBTLY TELL ZELL THAT YOU FANCY THE ARSE OFF HIM!!!!!
Librarian: Actually, that is a good idea! (Runs up to Zell) OY, YOU!!!!! I WANT YOUR BABIES, AND I THINK WE SHOULD GO
AND START MAKING THEM NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Grabs him by his shirt and drags him off, screaming blue murder, to
some Archipelago, never to see them again…)
All: Um, that really was subtle. (Silence.
Tumbleweeds blow in from the left.)
Yep well!!!
(Music starts again)
All: I don't think
you're ready for this jelly,
I don't think you're ready for
this jelly,
I don't think you're ready for
this,
Rinoa: Coz I rely on
you to save my ass too much, babe!
All: I don't think you're
ready for this jelly,
I don't think you're ready for
this jelly,
I don't think you're ready for
this,
Coz my body's too bootylicious
for ya babe!
Kyah-hahaha! (Grab their blokes and scooted off).
The Consequences:
Rinoa nabbed Squall, and they found Cinderella's castle and
kicked her and prince charming out, so they lived there happily ever after
leaving Cinders and the prince to slum it on the streets of Deling City.
Quistis grabbed Seifer before the other girls got to him and
dragged him all the way to the opera house in Alexandria where they still
perform many classics such as "The Phantom of the Opera", "Cats" and, "The
Hunchback of The Tomb of the Unknown King", made millions and lived in luxury.
Selphie hooked up Irvine before he had the chance to tom-cat
around the dance floor, hitched a ride on a chocobo and rode all the way to
chocobo's paradise, where they met Zidane, Garnet, Quina, Amarant, Eiko, Vivi,
Freya and rusty-bucket Steiner and managed to blag their way into staying at the
Alexandria Castle, watching Quistis and Seifer perform every show possible for
the rest of their happy lives.
The Librarian had bundled Zell into a sack and stowed away
on a boat from Balamb Harbour to The Island Closest to Hell and had 19 kids
called Zelly-Bo, Zelly-Doh, Zelly-Flo, Zelly-Glo, Zelly-Jo, Zelly-Kelly,
Zelly-Lilly, Zelly-Minelli, Zelly-Nellie, Zelly-Ollie, Zelly-Polly,
Zelly-Rooney, Zelly-Spaghetti, Zelly-Timmy, Zelly-Vicki, Zelly-Welli, Zelly-Xa,
Zelly-yellow-purple-hills and Zelly-zip-a-di-do-da. He was knackered afterwards.
Please review!
X_^ Thanx!
