Disclaimer: Not mine.
Author's notes: Thought it would be nice to write an epilogue, since I never have before. This is set 4 years after the last part.
Fire and Rain: Epilogue
Darkness. She hated darkness. Hated it when it was in her room and hated it when it was around her. It scared her, and made everything scary. The carpet was cold, and as she tip toed her familiar path down the hall, she clutched her stuffed elephant Andy in her arms. Trying to be as quiet as she could, she turned the knob to her parents bedroom and peeked her head inside.
Of course they couldn't see her, it was too dark. But that didn't stop her from being cautious. She left the door open, and very quietly tip toed inside as her father's soft snores made her ears tingle. She smiled and walked over to her mother's side of the bed, stopping in front of her to watch her closely. Looking around, she remembered the time her mom got mad for waking her up when she had had to work two shifts in a row. So no, this was the wrong side of the bed.
She tip toed to the other side, hugging Andy tight as she came face to face with her father's sleeping features. She leaned on the bed, her face centimeters away from Luka's, and she whispered softly, "Daddy."
Nothing. She used her little hand to stroke her father's arm. "Daddy," she said louder.
Luka opened one eye slowly, Liliana coming into focus. He tried to close it again and continue sleeping, but she had other plans for him.
"Daddy," Liliana cried, getting closer.
Luka took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "What's wrong, Lily?" he asked sleepily.
"There's a monster under my bed," Liliana whined, her voice cracking.
Luka rubbed his face, and dropped it to the right side, where Abby was still sleeping. He looked at Liliana again, and sat on the bed. "Liliana, what have I told you about monsters?"
"I'm scared," she moaned once more, leaning against Luka's leg.
Luka put his hands under her pits and picked her up, letting out a grunt. "Ok, let's go see." He reached her room, where the baby lamp was still lit and the only sound was the humming of the central air conditioner. He turned the light on using the switch on the wall, and looked at Liliana. "I don't see a monster."
"Under the bed," Liliana explained.
"Ok," Luka sighed as he set her down on the floor, and knelt down next to her bed, looking under it. "Nope, no monster."
Liliana stared at him, and hugged Andy tighter. She looked around shyly, very aware her father was waiting for an explanation. "He went in the closet," she added.
Luka scratched the back of his head, looking down as he sat, his back leaning against her small bed. "Come here," he waved with his hand. She looked scared he was going to scold her for a moment, so he smiled to reassure her it was okay. "Come on."
Liliana walked over, and Luka lifted her up, sitting her on his lap. "Liliana, you're a big girl now, you can't sleep with us every night."
"I wanna sleep with you, daddy," Liliana moaned, playing with his shirt.
Luka looked to the side. Words he could hardly resist, but he tried to stand strong. "Are you scared about tomorrow?"
Liliana shook her head no.
Luka put his hands on the side of her face, stroking her hair down and kissing her head. "Lily, tomorrow you're going to start school, you are going to make a lot of friends. And if you're a good girl and go to bed I promise we can go buy some ice cream after school."
Liliana just put her arms around Luka. "I wanna sleep with you."
Luka let out a sigh, knowing she wouldn't give up easily. "Lily," he sighed as he stood up with her in his arms and deposited her on the bed. "We got you this big bed because you're big now. And big girls sleep alone."
"Mommy is a big girl and she sleeps with you," Liliana retaliated.
"Yes, but mommy and I are married, and married people sleep together," Luka said as he tucked her in.
"Why?" Liliana asked.
Luka pressed his lips together, ready to try and divert the 'why' game. "Because, that's the way it is, Lily. Now go to sleep, we have to get up early tomorrow."
Liliana only watched him as he stroked her bangs back, only they immediately came back to cover her forehead.
"And remember that there are no monsters, ok? Andy will scare everything away, right Andy?" Luka asked and picked up the elephant, putting it in front of his face. "Yeah, Lily, don't be scared," he added with a fake voice and Liliana chuckled. Luka smiled and gave Andy back. "Go to sleep, ok?"
"Ok," Liliana said without much thought.
"I love you," Luka said as he kissed her forehead.
"I love you, daddy," she stroked his face with her little hand and watched as he walked away, stopped by the door, gave her a wink, and walked out.
The room was still lit by the lamp resting next to her bed, and she tried to shut her eyes and go to sleep. She turned to one side, and then to the other, and nothing worked. She opened her eyes and looked at her elephant. "Andy, daddy says you have to scare the monster away." She stared at the elephant, hearing him reply only in her head. "That monster is too big," she added as she kicked the sheets away and got to her feet.
She peeked her head out to make sure Luka wasn't around, and ran quickly to the room next to hers. The light switch was too high for her to reach, so she walked over to where the moon illuminated the room. It was dark in this room, but it would not ruin the mission. She approached the crib slowly, watching as her baby brother slept soundly. Her little arm made its way into the crib between the bars and she touched his arm.
"Nicky," she called out, but the baby didn't even move. "Nicky," she said again, and the baby started to fuss, only to fall asleep again. Biting her lower lip, she caught a portion of his skin with her thumb and index fingers, and pinched it hard.
A loud wailing filled the room and she covered her ears, and immediately ran out of her brother's room to hide in the safety of hers. She sat by her door as the baby cried and screamed, her eyes looking out through a small gap of the opened door.
And then, the door to her parents room opened and she watched as her father walked out.
"Coming, Nick," he muttered, his voice tired and raspy.
When Luka was inside the nursery, Liliana picked Andy up and ran out of her room and into her parents'. Abby was still sleeping, and she climbed into bed next to her mother, putting his little arm around her waist.
Abby felt that and looked over her shoulder. "Hey," she sighed and turned around, holding her daughter in her arms. "What are you doing here?"
"There's a monster under my bed," Liliana cried, snuggling closer.
"Lily we've been through this," Abby added, almost falling asleep again.
Liliana smiled to herself, closing her eyes and indulging herself in her mother's scent. Abby always smelled so good. It made Liliana fall asleep faster. One of the reasons why she always wanted to sleep with her parents was Abby's smell. The other one was that when her dad was around, somehow the monsters disappeared.
"Hey," Luka protested as he walked in with the baby in his arms, watching the two ladies on the bed, Liliana almost completely under Abby.
Abby looked up. "Is he ok?"
Luka bounced a sleepy Nick on his arms. "Yeah, maybe it was a nightmare." He walked over and laid Nicky next to Liliana, and took his place on the bed. "I thought I said you couldn't sleep here," he told Liliana.
Liliana didn't say anything, but just snuggled closer to Abby, holding Andy tight and sucking her thumb.
Luka let out a sigh stretching his arm to embrace his entire family. "Why did we buy this house?" he asked after a silence.
"Because the kids needed their own rooms," Abby answered.
"Right," Luka added, watching as the two kids were already falling asleep in between them. "Rooms for the kids," he murmured before he closed his eyes. He felt as Abby grabbed his hand and kissed its palm gently. Without opening his eyes he rested his hand on the side of her face and stroked her cheek with his thumb, lulling them both to sleep.
~*~
"How about this one?" Abby asked as she held a little dress in front of Liliana, who was standing on her bed in her underwear.
"Yes," Liliana nodded her head.
"Yes?" Abby asked, eyeing the dress again.
"No," Liliana shook her head.
Abby looked at the dress again and then put it back on the closet. "Ok, but that was the last one."
"I like the orange one," Liliana said.
Abby looked towards the closet again, pointing to a dress. "This one?"
"Yeah," Lily nodded.
"That's red, baby," Abby said as she took the little dress out of the hanger and put it over Liliana's head. "Can you show me something orange."
Liliana's head resurfaced from the inside of her dress and she looked around. "That," she pointed to a book.
Abby looked over and smiled, "Very good." She fixed Liliana's hair and kept looking at her face. "You're so smart. Daddy and I are so proud of you."
"Can Andy come to school with me?" Liliana asked.
Abby sat Liliana on the bed and started to put on her shoes. "No, honey, he can't?"
"Why?"
Abby took a short breath. "Because, unfortunately Andy doesn't have his books."
"Why?"
"Because... they don't make books that small for Andy," Abby explained, buttoning her shoes.
"Why?"
"Because, honey, there's no place in the market for miniature books for elephants," Abby added.
"He can share mine," Liliana added.
"Yeah, but he's not registered for school." Abby finished and looked up at her daughter. "Are you scared?"
"No," Liliana shook her head.
"Good," Abby whispered. "Cause I am terrified."
~*~
"Come on, Nick," Luka pleaded as he tried to feed the 14 month old baby with some baby food. "One for daddy?"
But Nicky shook his little head. "No," he moaned, pushing the spoon away.
"Ok," Luka gave up and put the food down. He looked at his son as he played with his bib. His heart still winced at the memory of the day when that couple came into the ER due to a car crash. The man was pronounced dead after forty minutes of trying to bring him back to life. Meanwhile, they had to do an emergency c-section on the woman, and after the baby was out, the time of death was called on her. The baby went immediately to the NICU where he spent the first weeks of his life, closely monitored by Abby. After an intensive investigation, no family had been found and there had been no contacts on the patients' charts.
It was a very long conversation, which took almost two weeks. Every night they sat down, weighing the pros and cons, trying to look at it from every conceivable angle. Liliana was three and she had no one to play with. She was beginning to come up with tens of imaginary friends, all of which seemed to be around even when Liliana was not there. Luka had found himself visiting the nameless baby more than once, wondering if they could take on another adoption. The biggest con was not knowing who the baby belonged to. They did not want to take him home one day only to have a distant relative appear a week later and take him away from them.
Adele tried to reassure them that they had tried to find a relative tenaciously, and had found none. The couple were probably run away kids or they were simply two people who had no family, maybe even foreigners. Abby would spend most of her time talking about the baby, his every move, how well he was doing, scared he might not pull through. It went from being a question to being a consideration, a serious one. They had not planned on having another child and they did not have the luxury of nine months of preparations.
Maggie squealed in delight when she heard they were thinking about adopting a baby boy. Abby brought her to the hospital and Maggie immediately fell in love with the baby. She would call every day to ask if they had made their decision, if they needed anything. She began to design boy clothes, buy toys and even announced the news to her circle of friends, which was nearly half of Chicago. Neither Abby nor Luka could convince her that nothing was certain, because Maggie would shake her head, "That boy is a Kovac." But there was one other person whose approval they needed. One day they took Liliana to meet her possible little brother. When she saw him, her first words were, "Santy Claus!" And Nicholas became his name.
After all the paperwork they were finally able to release Nick and take him home. The first couple of weeks came along with extremely long days of madness. Liliana's crib had to be put together again and Nick slept on Luka and Abby's room. Liliana started getting jealous because Abby had to take care of Nick most of the time. So Luka would take Liliana on walks and rides to let her know she was still daddy's little girl. Then Abby would leave Nick with Luka and spend a day with Lily and Maggie to let Liliana know she was still mommy's princess. After a couple of months, Liliana got used to having a little baby on the apartment and her jealousy vanished.
But that was only one of their problems. Diapers were beginning to pile up, gifts to mount up, and there was no space for anything. Maggie seemed to bring a new toy every day and the apartment looked like an explosion at Toys R Us. Between toys, furniture, cribs, bottles, beds, tables, chairs, imaginary friends, two babies, plus all of Luka and Abby's things, there was no space to walk.
Enter the house.
It was a breath of fresh air to be finally settled. Now all they needed was a dog and Luka could finally find himself living a perfect life. He stroked Nicholas' yellow hair and lifted him off the high chair.
"Huh? What do you think? You want to get a dog?" he tickled Nick as the baby giggled in his arms.
"We're ready," Abby announced as she came down the stairs with Liliana dressed in a little dress and pig tails to match.
Luka looked up and smiled. "Abby, I didn't know you had a sister," he teased, giving the baby to Abby and lifting Liliana up. "You look like a big girl."
"You look like a big girl," Liliana teased, poking his face with her finger.
"No, you do," Luka replied.
"No, you do," Liliana added.
"No, you do," Luka chuckled. "Give me a kiss."
Liliana pecked Luka's lips with her own and giggled.
"Are we ready?" Abby asked, putting on Nicky's shoes as the boy kicked his legs around.
"I think so," Luka added. He picked up Liliana's lunch box and walked out with her. "So, you want to drive?"
"Yeah!" Liliana exclaimed as Luka opened the back door of Abby's SUV.
"In twelve years you can," Luka said and strapped her to her seat. He looked down at her for a moment as they waited for Abby. Letting out a sigh, he knelt on the side walk to come face to face with her. How could she be going to school already? Where did all that time go? He could still remember her first steps, her baby laughter, the first time she got sick, her every visit to the doctor. But what he remembered the most and still melted his heart was the first time she called him "papa". It wasn't long after they came back from San Diego. As Luka had promised, they decided to take things slow and so he ended up in the hotel again. The move had been overwhelming for both him and Abby. When he left Chicago, their relationship was strong and very much serious. After five years, they had to learn to find their tempo again. They had both changed, and picking thing up from where they left them was simply a bad idea.
His relationship with Abby was slow, but his relationship with Liliana grew stronger every second they were together. Kerry promised him to help him find a job, but it took her a while to come through. So Luka would take care of Liliana during the day and since most nights they spent together, he technically saw her more than Abby did. One night after dinner, Luka was playing with her while Abby watched the news and without a warning, Liliana recognized him as her dad. He put the celebration on hold, scared Abby wouldn't want him to father her child and scared of stepping into the responsibility himself. But when he turned around, she was smiling, and he found himself smiling also at the realization that he was a father again.
He never really thought he could grow to love so much two children he had not created. But he did, so much that it was immeasurable and overwhelming. He found himself thinking about them at work, eager to go home to play with them, to be with his family. It was an innocent feeling, the belief that a second family would remain a still picture in his mind. It wasn't. Every day, they grew taller, smarter, and him and Abby grew older. Yesterday Liliana was 9 months old, and now she was four years old and going to school for the first time. It made him a little sad, but he knew Abby was a wreck, so he tried to stay strong for her.
He stroked one of her pig tails with his fingers and smiled. "Are you going to miss me?"
"Yeah," Liliana said.
"How much?" Luka asked.
"This much," Liliana opened her arms wide.
Luka smiled as Abby rushed to his side with the baby in her arms. "Oh, Luka, let's not go."
"What?" Luka frowned and stood up.
"She's still too small," Abby moaned as Nicky was placed on his car seat.
"She's a big girl now," Luka said, glancing back at his daughter, who was playing with the baby.
"No she's not. She's only four." Abby took a deep breath, looking forward.
"Almost five," Luka added as he turned on the engine and drove away.
Abby looked forward, and let out a sigh. "Oh God."
~*~
There was a bell ring as hundreds of children ran outside the school. They slowly gathered their things and went inside, leaving the yard bare. Luka stood there, with Nick on his arms, and Abby holding Liliana's hand. The three walked inside, and kinder garden was the first room on the left. The walls seemed to be painted with every existing color, and there were around 20 kids inside, all as small as Liliana, playing together. Abby walked inside hesitantly, almost being pushed by Luka, and at the same time a joyous overweight teacher walked towards them.
"Hi, I'm Miss. Tilson. And who are you?" she asked as she knelt in front of Liliana.
"Lily," Liliana said, still holding onto her mother's hand.
"Hi, Lily. We're going to have a lot of fun this year," Miss Tilson added with a smile. She reached for another girl and brought her forward. "This is Stacey."
"Hi," Stacey said, looking at Liliana up and down.
"Hi," Lily said, smiling shyly. Stacey grinned and suddenly ran away, and Liliana wanted to run after her but her mother still held on to her hand.
"BARNEY!" Nicky yelled as he spotted a Barney doll and tried to jump away from Luka's arms.
Mrs. Tilson laughed and walked closer. "Yes, when are you going to join us in school?"
Nicky just cooed and kept pointing to the purple dinosaur in one of the tables.
"You are so cute!" Mrs. Tilson squealed as Luka proudly bounced the baby in his arms.
"Um," Abby interrupted her nervously. "So, they're gonna be here the whole time?"
"All the time except for recess," Miss Tilson added.
Abby nodded quickly, looking up at Luka who looked relaxed. Damn him. "There's, there's no bullies..."
"Don't worry, Mrs. Kovac. She's going to be just fine," Miss Tilson smiled. "And if you want, you can stay or a moment and see how the kids interact and what we do."
Abby nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah..."
"No," Luka interrupted her. "It's ok," he put his hand over Abby's shoulder to try and release some of the tension, but he found her muscles as hard as iron.
"I understand that this must be hard, I tell the same thing to parents every year. But she's really going to be ok, right Lily?" Miss Tilson asked.
"Yeah," Liliana nodded, her eyes glued to all the toys inside a colorful trunk.
Miss Tilson smiled. "I'll leave you to say good bye."
Luka walked outside of the classroom and gave Nick to Abby. He almost had to sit down to come to Liliana's height, and he kissed her forehead. "Don't be scared, ok?"
"Ok," Liliana said.
"And if you do get scared, remember that Lee is right over there," Luka pointed to another classroom, and then another. "And Alex is there."
"Are you going to the hospital, daddy?" Liliana asked.
"No, we are going to be right here when you come out," he added with a smile.
"Ok," Lily smiled.
"Ok," Luka added. He kissed her forehead again. "I love you."
"I love you," Liliana repeated.
Abby followed, kneeling in front of Liliana, cupping her face. "Are you sure you're going to be ok?"
"Yeah, mommy," Liliana said, trying to look inside the classroom.
"Hey," Abby said to get her attention. When Liliana looked at her, with that little face she had seen grow for almost five years, Abby's tears gave in. So many years trying to avoid motherhood, dreading it, hating it, wondering why other women wanted to go through with it. For years she had worked in a place where children came into the world, watching as mothers cried every time they held their children for the first time. Never would be her. She could not bring a sick child into the world only to be taken care of by a woman who could barely take care of herself. Fools. Don't they know that being a mother and a daughter was all pain? Didn't they know children were able to hate, and leave, and mothers were able to get out of control, and hurt?
The fool had been her. That kind of thinking prevented her from having children and started a snowball effect which nearly destroyed her life. She had not wanted to be a mother, hated the idea of having a daughter, especially a daughter. But then, when she thought everything was over, it was her own daughter who changed her mind. She had not conceived her, had not carried her for nine months, had not pushed her out. Yet at the end of a long day, there she was, waiting for Abby by her door. She had been wrong all along, and it was the only wrong assumption she was proud to have made.
"I love you," she smiled at her daughter, tears falling down her face like there was no tomorrow. She suddenly remembered her first day of school, and Maggie was there, crying also. The thought was a little comforting.
"Why are you crying, mommy?" Liliana asked and looked up at Luka, who was smiling at them with Nicky in his arms.
Abby smiled, stroking her daughter's arms. "I'm just happy, baby."
Liliana couldn't find a link between tears and happiness. When people were happy, they laughed. When they were sad, they cried. But why was mommy sad? She didn't like that one bit.
But Abby was smiling, and so Liliana smiled. "I love you too," she said and put her arms around Abby's neck.
Abby sniffed and pulled back. "Be a good girl, ok? Remember your colors."
Liliana nodded, looking at her crying mother. It almost made her want to cry too, but her mind was still thinking about those toys. She kissed Abby on the lips and hugged her again.
Abby couldn't let go, and Luka had to put his hand on her shoulder to bring her back to reality. Abby looked up and stood up, cleaning the tears off her face.
Liliana picked up her lunch box and walked towards the class room, stopping by the door to wave her hand good bye. Miss Tilson grabbed her hand, and said good bye to Luka and Abby, closing the door behind her.
"Oh," Abby moaned and buried her head in Luka's chest, feeling a huge knot inside her throat almost breaking through her skin. Luka put his arm around her and as Nick tapped on Abby's head with his little hand, he began to walk outside. When he glanced towards the classroom through the crystal window of the door he saw his little girl sitting on the floor surrounded by other children, all singing a song she seemed to know. He cleared his throat to get rid of the small knot and opened the car door for Abby, wondering if they still would let them stay to see how Liliana would do.
~*~
The car ride was silent. Luka kept staring at the road ahead and Abby out the window. Five minutes had not passed, and she already missed her daughter. The sweet way she said 'mommy', the way she laughed at everything, her sense of humor, her little hands, her voice... This was wrong, all wrong.
She looked at Luka. "You know, that teacher..."
"Don't, Abby. She was good," Luka said, looking forward.
"You know, we could home school," Abby added, hopeful.
"We don't have time to do that, Abby," Luka replied, alternating between looking at the road and Abby.
"I could quit my job," Abby said tentatively as she played with her fingers.
"Don't even think about it. She's going to be just fine," Luka added, holding on to his own words.
Abby looked around the car desperately, and reached for something by her feet. "Oh no, Luka. Look, Liliana forgot her... air freshener," she ended lamely, watching as the pine shaped freshener hung from her fingers.
Luka looked over and chuckled, "Abby look at yourself."
Abby let out a sigh, brushing her hand through her hair. "What if she needs me, Luka?"
"The teacher is there for that," Luka added.
Abby pressed her hands against her face, trying to contain the tears again. "What if the teacher is not good enough?"
"Then, they can call the nurse," Luka added as he stared straight ahead at the road, unaware of the silence that had filled the car.
Abby's face fell and she turned to him completely. "Why would they need to call the nurse?"
Luka looked at her panicked face, and tried to fix it. "I mean, it's a million to one chance..."
"Oh my God, Luka. Turn around," Abby added.
"What?"
"I'm taking my baby home," Abby added, trying to reach for the wheel.
"Abby!" Luka protested. He finally pulled over to the side of the road and put the car on parking. He turned to face her, a serious expression on his face. "Abby, she's not a baby anymore. She's almost five years old and she has to go to school."
Abby just sank in her seat. "I just remember when I held her for the first time, she was so small."
"Well, she's not so small anymore," Luka added. "There's only one baby left in the house, Abby, and he's sitting back there." He looked back at his son, who was playing with the toys on his seat.
Abby shook her head. "This is going too fast, Luka."
"I know," he said and ran his hand through her hair.
"And did you see her? It was as if she didn't need me anymore. I- I feel like I'm losing her," she moaned once more.
"She needs us, Abby." Luka smiled. "And you're not losing her. She's going to come home tonight and she'll want to sleep with us again and nothing will change."
"Yes it will," Abby added. "She'll have friends now, and boyfriends, and then she'll go to college..."
"And we'll watch her do all that and still live our lives. We're not just parents, Abby," Luka added. "And then Nicholas is going to go to school and do the same. But we can't keep them on a crib forever, eventually they have to go on their way."
"What are we gonna do then?" Abby asked, looking straight ahead as tens of cars passed them.
"We... wait for them to call," Luka said simply.
Abby moaned. "Oh, God. I never call Maggie."
Luka chuckled. "You don't have to call Maggie, Abby. She's there every day."
Abby let out a sigh, and rested her head against his arm. She knew Luka was right, but she could not shake this feeling off of her. She was scared that one day Liliana would come home and hate Abby, just like once Abby hated Maggie. She was terrified of her daughter being the daughter she was. The thought even made her nauseous.
She dropped her head to the side and looked at Luka, who was still staring at her.
"But you are not alone," Luka added. "She's my little girl."
Abby smiled, and moved over to somehow rest her head on Luka's shoulder. Several years before she had sworn she could do this alone, raise a child and spend the rest of her life alone with her work. She sat in the car now and looked at everything she had; a house, two children, and Luka. How could anybody live without those things? How can a person wake up every morning without Luka at their side? Without Nicky crying? Without Liliana climbing into bed with her? And to think that the mother who screwed up her childhood ended up being the one who saved her adult life.
"We have the day off," Luka interrupted her thoughts, kissing her head. "What do you want to do?"
Abby looked up at him, smiling. "I wanna look at baby pictures."
Luka chuckled, grabbed her head and kissed her lips. "They'll call, Abby."
Abby put her hand on his cheek, closing her eyes. "I hope so."
Luka gave her another kiss and waited for her to seat back. He started the car again and drove away.
As he drove he glanced over at Abby, who was smiling now. He looked through the side mirror and realized the sun was behind him. Funny. His whole life he had been chasing after the sun and as it turned out he was going the wrong way. Now it was the sun who chased after him.
~*~
Luka walked into the nursery, where Nicholas was sleeping on his crib. He closed the shades of the window and made sure the monitor was on. After kissing his son's head, he grabbed the two glasses he was carrying from the table and closed the door behind him.
"Did you find them?" Luka asked as he walked into the bedroom, putting the glasses down.
"Yeah, on top of the closet," Abby said as she threw the albums on the bed. She sat on it and crossed her legs and Luka laid down next to her, resting his chin on her thigh. Abby grabbed one of the albums and opened it up, revealing Liliana's birth certificate.
Luka smiled, watching as his name was printer above the word "father". Abby watched the images in front of her, smiling as Maggie held Lily in front of the camera, and then Dave held the baby in front of him, pointing a finger to himself to let the world know he thought he was the father. "You know he still calls me about that paternity test," Abby said.
Luka chuckled. "Well you have to admit, with all the sleeping around he does..."
"I am not raising Dave's child, Luka," Abby said. She turned on another page and then images with Luka began to appear. "First Halloween."
Luka smiled, watching a picture of himself as Fred, Abby as Wilma, and poor Liliana as Pebbles. "Do you still have that dress?" he asked friskily.
"Luka," Abby slapped his arm as her cheeks turned red. She looked down to see a snap shot of Carter, proudly holding his daughter Isabella after her birth. She turned on the last page of the album, and her eyes quickly became moist. She took the picture out of the page, and laid down on the bed next to Luka, both looking at the black and white image of their wedding. Maggie had taken everything under her care, and they exchanged vows under the sky in the gardens of a beautiful yard of Chicago. It was a small wedding, but certainly the one everyone thought they would never see.
Liliana was two, and in charge of the flowers. She threw some petals at the beginning of the isle, and when she spotted her father at the end she put her task aside and ran towards Luka. So with no petals on the isle, Abby walked up with her mother by her side. Luka's hands kept shaking even as they walked down the isle after being pronounced husband and wife.
Luka reached with his finger and removed a piece of lint in the picture where Liliana was pointing to the camera on her white dress in the middle of Luka and Abby.
"I miss her," Abby said.
Luka smiled, and looked at Abby, kissing her cheek. "We still have one left."
Abby chuckled. "And he's already talking, and walking. The other day he called me obtutecian."
Luka chuckled and put the picture away, wrapping Abby in his arms. "Which one do you think will be a doctor."
Abby closed her eyes and snuggled closer to Luka, kicking some of the albums away with her feet. "None, I hope." She heard as Luka mumbled something and then stopped moving. Abby stared at the ceiling for a while, thinking. "Luka."
"Hmm," Luka replied.
"When we're old and wrinkly and alone, we'll still be happy, right?" she asked.
Luka raised his head, looking at her in confusion. "Why wouldn't we?"
"I don't know," Abby replied. "The kids will be gone, and we'll be retired."
"Don't think about that, Abby," Luka said, putting his head back down. "Besides, Lily won't be dating any time soon, not until she's 30."
Abby chuckled and put her hand to the side of his face.
"Don't worry, Abby, we still have a long way to go," Luka said. At that moment, Nicky's cries came through the monitor resting on the table. "See?"
Abby smiled, standing up. "I'll get it."
Luka watched her go and laid his head down on the pillow again. When they were old and wrinkly, would they be happy? Of course. He knew that. He knew they would also fight and he would sometimes have to sleep on the couch, but it was okay. It was what he wanted, a normal life. Still, sometimes he'd wake up in the middle of the night, sweating and panting. In his dream he would come home from work only to find his house had been nearly destroyed. There were people outside, pointing and accusing him of leaving Danjiela for Abby. He ignored them all as he ran inside, and the first thing he would find was Nicholas' little hands under the rubble. It never went beyond that.
The thought of losing his second family was so powerful that it would leave him paralyzed for a couple of minutes. He tried not to think about it, to ignore it, but it was still there. He knew talking would help, and he had told Abby about the dreams, but just when she would start asking questions, he's brush it aside. He would let her hold him at night, until he went back to sleep, to a better dream. But he knew she worried. Maybe one day he would sit down and they could face all his demons together, but right now he did not have the strength to step into that part of his mind.
He heard cries and more cries as Abby walked closer and into the room.
"Daddy, daddy," Nicholas kept repeating as he cried, extending his arms towards Luka.
"I'm right here," Luka said as he sat on the bed and took the boy away from Abby. "What's wrong?"
Nicky cried softer, leaning into Luka.
Abby sat on the bed too, stroking her son's hair. She smiled, resting her hand on top of Luka's. "You know I was thinking, when he's older, maybe we can adopt again."
Luka looked up and smiled. He gave her hand a squeeze and stroked Nick's belly. "Abby we don't have to adopt," he said and watched as her face grew confused. "We can have our own."
Abby nodded understandingly. There was nothing she wanted more than create a child with Luka, but there was more than one obstacle. "Luka, it's very expensive."
"We wouldn't be doing it today, or tomorrow," Luka said simply. "We can start saving now."
Abby smiled, taking the baby away from Luka's lap and lying down with him. She watched as Nick's blue eyes looked around, his small hand playing with her necklace. He was so perfect, so... healthy. Luka laid down also, wondering why her smile had vanished. She put her hand on his chest with a mirthless smile. "I'm not sure I could make a healthy baby, Luka."
Luka looked at her for a moment and then grabbed her hand, kissing her fingertips. "I am willing to take the risk."
"Well, I don't think I am," Abby said. "I don't want any of my kids to suffer like Maggie has."
Luka kept staring at her, playing with her fingers. "It's your decision, Abby. But even if she or he is Bipolar, it doesn't mean they will suffer. We can teach them to take their medication and we will monitor just in case."
Abby just looked down at her son, kissing his head.
"I'm sorry, I'm not trying to put any pressure on you," Luka added, trying to fix the moment.
"No, no," Abby said.
"Abby I am happy no matter what we decide. I love you and I love our children. And if we have more, I will love them just the same. I want you to be happy," Luka added, caressing her face.
"I am," Abby smiled. She leaned closer and gave Luka a kiss, feeling his hand on hers. She laid her head down on the pillow, closing her eyes as a familiar and comfortable silence filled the room. I am. The words kept dancing in her head even after Luka and Nick fell asleep next to her. And all of a sudden she was hit with the realization that after many, many years, she had been honest about her feelings, and had been true to herself. She had found her pot at the end of the rainbow, had earned her reward after years of torture and suffering. She was happy, and so was Luka. And all of a sudden their pasts were not there anymore, or they didn't have as much importance as they used to.
She removed Luka's hair away from his eye and stroked his brow with her thumb. Even today, she didn't regret the decision of not marrying him when he first proposed. She knew that she would never be able to give him a child, even when there were other options. But she was certain that she would not be able to make him happy. After years apart, she finally bowed to do so, until death do them part. It was a promise she not only made to God and Luka, she made it to herself. Two children. The promise was theirs also. Together they had given Luka back his life, and in the process, made hers a better one.
The end... I promise