CHAPTER TWO: REVENGE OF THE GIANT ROBOTIC SPIDERS
Caprice ran more awkwardly than usual because the monitor was quite heavy, but no one was out to see him this late at night, so he ran faster and without self consciousness. He ran so fast, in fact, that he almost missed noticing the big-rig truck parked at the intersection. He waddled (which can be the only appropriate term for the infamous "geek walk") quickly past, scanning the words on the side of the truck, then waddled even more quickly back. On the side of the truck, there was a picture of a neon orange armadillo and, written in large block letters, the words "Orange Armadillo Delivery Service – Find what you're looking for". Caprice blinked and stared at it again.
"Huh," he breathed, "Well I guess they're not really into the subtle approach." He knew what he should do. He should be running up behind the truck, sliding open the back door, slipping inside and doing it all without being noticed by the driver. But when you're 20 pounds overweight; so out of shape you can't touch your toes; carrying a large, broken monitor which will probably get you expelled from school; and have been having a really bad night, to put it lightly, you don't really feel like dashing across an intersection and performing heroics better suited for someone wearing black leather.
So he started shambling half-heartedly across the road towards the truck, and then he started shambling a little faster. And quite soon, he found to his surprise, that he was running faster than he ever had in his life. He jumped when he reached the truck and in one fluid movement which can only be described as a kickboxing pirouette, Caprice knocked the lock off the metal door on the back of the truck, pulled the door open with his foot, managed to roll perfectly along the floor so as not to injure himself, and spring back up again with his hands in fighting stance. He felt a great urge to mutter a wonderfully cynical one-liner and would have, too, if the truck hadn't started up. The force of the acceleration knocked him over and ruined the moment.
"Damn it," he said to himself, instead, "I was almost feeling cool there, too." Since the spell of the moment was officially broken, Caprice finally looked around at his surroundings. He was in an even more complete darkness than he had been under the desk and now the computer wasn't even working to give him hints. Suddenly something flared towards the front of the truck and Caprice realized it was a fire… probably a match. He was right, but for some reason, the match was lighting much more than it should have and soon the whole back of the truck was illuminated quite well. But Caprice only noticing one thing now: there was a really hot chick in here with him, and she was looking at him. At him. And she looked interested! That, obviously, was a first for The Geek.
"Hi," he said, not knowing what else to say and figuring "hi" was right for any occasion. Well not any occasion, hypothetically, you could be locked in you closet with a mob of rabid ferrets in which case hi wouldn't do you much –
"Hello Sexmachine0441," said the amazingly hot chick. Sexmachine0441 was Caprice's hacker name (some people had chosen something snappy like Neo or Tank, but Caprice had decided to stick with the basics) and he felt unbelievably stupid having it revealed that he was quite obviously not a sex machine. Or any sort of machine, unless it was one that could down a whole bag of Fritos in half an hour.
"You can call me Caprice. Caprice Henrich Lickbum III, that's my name," Caprice Henrich Lickbum III said and immediately felt infinitely stupider – no wonder he had so many problems, he was always creating new ones for himself.
"I know," said the woman smoothly. Smoothly, thought the Sexmachine0441, that's a good word for her. She was the epitome of smooth. She gazed at him with a cool, smooth stare. She had on smooth black leather. Even her hair looked freshly oiled and smoothed.
"My name is Trinity," said Trinity with little emotion, "and I have a problem." Caprice squinted in recognition of this statement. But it was usually himself who was saying it.
"Really? Me too!" staring off well, he thought, let's see if I can hold it, "I mean I have problems, not that…uh.. my name is Trinity. My name is Caprice, you know. You do know! You just told me that! Heh heh…" he laughed nervously and wished he was dead. Trinity just leveled her stare and looked at him in what he took to be disgust.
"So…" he tried again, "what seems to be the problem?" Trinity glanced down at the floor and then back up at him.
"You, Caprice." Caprice grinned with pure delight, but then realized it was inappropriate and tried to hide it. He was her problem. That meant this incredibly hot chick had definitely been thinking about him (maybe in a bad way, but that doesn't matter. It's the thought that counts.)… maybe she had even been watching him. Maybe with all that thinking and watching she had developed some sort of obsessive crush and would at any moment throw herself on him in an uncontrollable fit of lust. But probably not.
"Me?" he managed to ask, between fantasies, "What have I done?" Trinity bit her lip for a second and seemed to be thinking.
"Well," she said, "You've been poking around, for God sakes! Will you please stop? Please?! It's hard enough having to hide our presence from the agents without some little idiot high schooler hacking into our mainframe every thirty minutes!" By this time her fists were clenched, her eyes were strained, and she was in full tirade mode. Caprice hadn't noticed.
"Agents? You mean they do exist?" Trinity glanced up at him with shark's eyes. "Do you exist?" she said wearily and collapsed into a leather chair which was conveniently right behind her. Caprice hadn't looked around before, he's been so focused on the woman, but the truck was well decorated and was way too swank to be a truck. Black leather arm chairs were comfortable situated so that a conversation may be held, there was a sleek black tv, a large a rather less sleek arsenal of guns, and a nondescript black telephone was on a modern table right next to Trinity. Which brought Caprice's gaze back to Trinity again, and then the focus was once again regained.
"Uh… I think so. Do I?" He asked, more interested in keeping her interested than getting an accurate response. She stared at him, seeming to be trying to decide something. You could see her mind working and finally it clicked.
"In the most physical sense, but not in this world. You see, everything around you is really a Matrix, a computer programmed designed to keep us humans happy while giant robotic spiders feed off your energy." Trinity gave him "the stare" again, waiting for this to sink in.
"Giant robotic spiders are feeding off me?" he repeated, a little shocked, "Cooooool…" he grinned again and thought about giant robotic spiders taking over the earth. Trinity rolled her eyes in a most un-Trinity like way.
"I hate teenagers," she grumbled. She gave him another second to adjust to the new paradigm of reality the boy had been thrust into. "Well, I gotta go," she said, "Now that the giant spiders have taken over the earth, we have naked mud wrestling every day at 5, and I can't miss it." Caprice's eyes snapped back to her attention.
"Really?!" he cried. No screeched. Screamed, possibly, if you can do that while jumping up and down.
"No, I just said that to get your attention," Trinity replied smoothly, "Now look, now that you know the whole truth about the Matrix, will you please stop trying to discover it all? Thanks, kid," she smiled at him a little, enjoying the jaw drop she got in return, picked up the phone and vanished.
Caprice Henrich Lickbum III woke up in bed. Granted, that's usually where he usually woke up, but he figured today would be different on account of… the woman, and the message, and the discovery. But then he realized where he was and that it had all been a dream and a great weight (an anvil of it, really) hit him. Suddenly, there was a pounding at the door.
"Trinity…" he whispered and rushed to open it. But it wasn't the babe from last night, it was his father and he was fuming.
"How do you explain this?!" the father said, holding up the mangled wreckage of the school computer. Caprice laughed aloud and closed the door.
"I don't," he said, and went back to bed.