Blackbeard and the Wench as told by the Dread Black Pete
It was a clear, moonlit night on the sea. Blackbeard and his fearsome crew had just taken control of a large private vessel. The ship was traveling from the north, and it was loaded with passengers and all their worldly goods. The legendary Blackbeard, as we all know, leaves no survivors.
"If he doesn't leave any survivors, how did anyone hear about him?" Roach asked.
"Who cares," answered Lucius. "Just let him tell the story."
"Thanks babe." Pete smiled fondly at Lucius before continuing.
However, on this particular ship, Blackbeard would find something onboard that he just had to take.
"Was it gold?" asked Wee John.
"A top-notch whiskey," said Buttons.
"Priceless, rare jewels?" the Swede added.
"Guys, please." Oluwande scolded. "If you stop interrupting, he'll tell us."
This particular find was not something, but someone! While Blackbeard's crew took out the passengers, among them was discovered a rather exquisite wench. She b-
"Isn't 'wench' sort of a derogatory term?" Frenchie wondered.
Wee John nodded in agreement. "It's problematic."
"What should I call her then?" Pete asked.
"How about 'maiden' instead," offered Stede.
"That does sound nicer," Wee John agreed.
Fine. A rather exquisite maiden. She begged the pirates not to throw her overboard. She swore to them, if they allowed her to meet their captain, she could convince him that she should be kept alive.
"I can right guess where this be going," Buttons chuckled.
The wench- I mean, the maiden convinced the pirates to let her live, for the time being. They brought her to the captain's private quarters. Blackbeard was furious that they had gone against his orders and spared a prisoner, but when he saw her beauty, he agreed to hear her out.
When the maiden was brought before Blackbeard, she threw herself at his mercy.
"Not the only thing she threw herself at," Jim muttered, but no one heard except Oluwande.
"Have pity on me, sir," the maiden pleaded. "This ship was taking me to my fiance, for us to be wed. I cannot die without ever experiencing the love of a man. I know you are a lawless pirate, but please, I will do anything!"
Blackbeard's heart was moved by her story.
"Not just his heart, I bet," giggled Roach, elbowing Frenchie.
"What do you mean by that?" asked Stede.
Blackbeard looked at the beautiful maiden. He knew he could never let his crew, or anyone else, find out he had shown mercy. He finally decided on a compromise.
"I can spare your life on one condition," he told her.
"Anything," the maiden sighed, her bosoms heaving.
"What do you know about heaving bosoms?" Lucius interrupted. "Sorry babe, continue."
Blackbeard pulled the maiden against his body. "You will only be safe from my treacherous crew if you stay here in my private quarters. In my bed!"
"Oh, how scandalous," Stede gasped. The others shushed him.
The maiden raised a dainty hand to her forehead. "If that is the only way, then I suppose I must."
Blackbeard scooped her up and carried her across the room, throwing her down atop the bed. He leaned down to kiss her neck, her throat, down to her ample bosoms fighting to burst out of her corset.
"I'm no expert," said Wee John, "but I don't think that's how bosoms work."
Despite her intense pleasure, the maiden cursed him all the while.
Suddenly Blackbeard pulled away, looking down at her weak and helpless form spread before him. "Gentle lady, I do not wish to frighten you, inexperienced as you are."
The maiden drew near to him. "But sir, I made a deal with you to ensure my safety. Though you are a devilish man, I will not back out of our agreement."
"I don't remember that part of their deal," Frenchie remarked.
Blackbeard laid back on the bed, pulling the maiden on top of him. "You scoundrel," she whispered, running her hands down his chest. "You wicked scalawag." She unlaced the front of his breeches and reached down inside, and her eyes grew wide with shock.
"Is something the matter?" asked Blackbeard.
Blushing shyly, the maiden twisted a curl of her hair around one finger. "No, sir, I just did not expect you to be quite so heavily armed."
"Nice!" Roach cheered, and high-fived Oluwande.
Blackbeard rolled over on top of her, the layers of her many petticoats and skirts puffing around them like a cloud of lace and silk. Helpless against him, the maiden threw her arms above her head, gasping for air as he pushed the fabric aside. "Oh you ruffian, you miscreant, you villain, you incorrigible-"
"Did he get lost down there, or what?" asked the Swede.
"Please let the man tell his story," Lucius snapped.
The maiden reached down and helped Blackbeard find his way through the layers. He lifted her bare leg over his shoulder as he loomed over her. Their eyes locked before he entered her moist cave of wonders.
Jim made an annoyed sound in their throat, got up, and left.
"Was it something I said?" Pete asked.
"Don't mind him," said Oluwande.
Blackbeard looked into her eyes. "Prepare to be boarded."
Everyone groaned.
"What?" Pete demanded.
Lucius shook his head. "Honestly, babe, that was pretty awful."
"Can I try again?
"Go on," encouraged Stede.
Blackbeard looked into the maiden's eyes as she wrapped her legs around him. Her bosoms-
Lucius rolled his eyes. "So help me if you say bosoms one more time."
"Fine, sorry."
Blackbeard looked down at her. "Ready for your maiden voyage."
"Ain't no way that's her maiden voyage," Wee John murmured.
The maiden gazed up at Blackbeard. "Captain, I surrender. Now run me up your mast."
"Nope, I'm out," said Oluwande, standing to leave.
"Me too," said Frenchie. "Sorry mate."
Buttons and the Swede left next, then Wee John.
"Is that really how Blackbeard dealt with prisoners?" Stede asked.
Pete shrugged. "Why would I lie?"
Lucius swatted him, rolling his eyes. "Come on, let's go. I'm exhausted"
Roach looked at Stede. "Tomorrow night, can I tell the bedtime story?"