Monica refused to leave Rick's office while she knew full on well that Rick had given Steve his resignation and gave notice but all Monica was interested in was a so-called explanation rather than offering support to what Rick was going through.
" Why are you still in here... I told you to get lost and leave me alone.'' Rick bit out
" I'm standing here because Rick, what you are doing is foolish and obscured you are a doctor..." Monica shot out
" You just don't get it Monica do you... I'm not a doctor anymore... What I am is a husband who lost everything and a father who has to raise his kids alone... You have no idea how it feels to go home to see only your kids and then later they ask you every night if their mother is gonna ever come home... You have no clue how and what it felt like to sit by and see the love of your life so sick that she couldn't even get up to go the bathroom when she needed to or so sick she couldn't even sit up you have no clue just how hard it was for Lesley just to get a word out or how hard it was for Lesley to tell her own children that she loved them knowing that she was never gonna see them again... I have to live with that as a man. I have to live with that Monica. I have to live with the reality that Lesley is dead, she's gone and she will never see her kids grow up... Lesley will never get that chance to see the kids graduate school or see them each
get married and start their own families. She will miss all of that. I have to live with the reality that I couldn't help Lesley when she counted on me most."
" It was not your fault Rick and I have told you that many times... Lesley fought as hard as she could...I already knew she had forgiven me Rick... She had already told me she had when I came to see you guys just before she passed.. And no I haven't got a blind eye to what this weekend is. I know what's coming up... And I have regretted doing all that I had done. Yes I lied and yes Rick I wanted to have you to myself at that time as I felt she stole you from me.. Rick, I never came here to upset you or make you angry... I honestly didn't.. And I'm sorry that I did. I just hope that you will allow me to help you." Monica replied
" Well I'd rather be alone... I have to get used to that fact and I have to bring up my kids the best way I can for Lesley's sake... And being here in this hospital where all the memories are is not gonna do that so do what you want but I have resigned… and after this week and weekend the only thing I will be doing is trying my best to trying to keep it together for my kids " Rick said and walked out with the rest of his and Lesley's things from her office.
~~~
" Girls come downstairs for something to eat..." Alice called up
Genesis came down with Riley but Jesslyn refused to come down and Alice called for her again.
" Jesslyn come on, your dinner is gonna get cold now you have to eat..."
Alice went up shortly just as Jesslyn wasn't responding or coming when her name was called on for dinner.
" I'm sorry Mrs Grant but I don't want anything... I'm just gonna go to sleep..." Jesslyn turned away
" You miss your mom... I do too... And I think what would make her upset is that you choose to skip out on meals... She would want you to grow up to be able to do anything you want to do... But you have to also take care of yourself too." Alice sat beside Jesslyn
Rick had just walked in with a couple of boxes when Alice had come back downstairs from trying to comfort Jesslyn
" Alice, is something wrong?" Rick asked
" No Dr Webber I'm okay but I do think maybe Jesslyn could use alittle bit of time... I tried to talk to her and see if I could help her but she just has seemed to have just shut down... She won't really talk about it.." Alice replied
" I think I have a good idea of what it is that's upsetting her... I think you could gather the same idea of what it is... You and Lesley were pretty close to one another... I'm gonna go up there, could you put those boxes up in the study area... I don't want them out in the open, at least not until I gather the courage to go through them...?" Rick replied and went upstairs
Rick knocked on Jesslyn's door and waited for a couple of minutes before he peeked his head in. " Jesslyn it's just Dad I thought maybe you'd wanna talk for alittle bit"
" Hi Daddy..." Jesslyn replied
" You know your dinner is gonna get cold soon... You should come eat" Rick sat down with Jesslyn
" I'm not really hungry Daddy..." Jesslyn turned away
" Jesslyn I know that it's getting alittle rough this time of the year for you. It's tough for me too... Your mother was a very special person. She and I were together for 40 years and I have learned that we can't just close ourselves where we don't open up to anyone about our feelings or about something that bothers us... Your mother loved you and your sister and your brother more than her life... She almost gave hers up the night you and your sister were born... That's just how much more you, your brother and your sister were to her..." Rick tried to comfort Jesslyn
" I want Mom to come back... I miss her... She shouldn't have left.." Jesslyn said
" Jesslyn you know your mother would've given anything to have stayed with us she fought her hardest she didn't wanna go. She didn't want to have to say goodbye to you. It broke her heart that she had to do that. She was heartbroken that she had to tell you goodbye... I know you miss her... I do too but we have to remember to hold on to the good times and the good memories we will always carry with us because by doing that it reminds us just where we know your mother is... She's right here... It would also remind us that she wouldn't tolerate or like it, how you would rather skip dinner and just lay here in bed so you need to come and eat… " Rick replied and stood up
" She's okay Alice... She's just having a bad day... Like I had today..." Rick said and sat with Genesis and Riley.
Jesslyn came down to eat but she was quiet more than she had been for awhile and to Rick, he could tell that she was holding alot of things in and it was terrifying that he couldn't get her to open up to him like he had before.
" Jesslyn you know you can talk to me if you need to... You don't have to keep bottled up..." Rick said gently
" I'm okay Daddy I just rather be alone..." Jesslyn admitted
" Jesslyn I know it's hard for you... Sometimes I feel like shutting down too but shutting down and not opening up... It's only gonna hurt us more..." Rick suggested gently.
" I don't want to talk about this..." Jesslyn ran upstairs upset
~~~
After the next couple of days, Rick made arrangements to be home with the kids and arranged to take them out to Colorado to the mountainside for the following week with Lesley's urn to spend time where Lesley had always loved to go when they wanted to get away...
" Rob thanks for doing this for me... I appreciate it and I believe that Lesley would too... She always loved coming out here at times.. oh um these are our kids... Our twins Genesis, and Jesslyn, and our son Riley..."
" I'll let you guys get settled in... Rick when I heard about your wife's passing, I hope you know that I had you in my prayers.. Your wife was a very nice person... Anything you need, let me know." Rob set aside some stuff.
" I appreciate that Rob thank you..." Rick replied and moved to set his stuff off to the side.
" Girls go and set up your stuff so when both Gail and Jessie get here, we can set some stuff up for tonight and tomorrow morning.." Rick asked and helped Riley with his dragon sleeper.
" Dad, could we camp outside tonight like we always did with mom when we went camping back home?" Riley asked while putting together his dragon sleeper set.
" That sounds like a perfect idea for tomorrow pal. It would be perfect to show your mother just how much she'll always mean to us." Rick gave Riley a hug after they finished up just a few moments before Gail and Jessie met them up at the cabin.
Jesslyn and Genesis got their stuff together while in the other room but as it came along and Jesslyn thought more about the memories she withdrew more into herself and snuck out to go down by the creek along the stream by the woods just as Jessie and Gail had gotten up to the cabin.
" Gail thanks for coming along with us... It would've meant alot to Lesley that you and Jessie were with us this weekend and the next couple days after... Alittle later though Gail I would like to talk to you about Jesslyn i'm really worried about her..."
" I'm glad to be apart of it... Lesley was a wonderful woman and was a fine doctor through the years her and I had worked together... And I am always free Rick anytime you need anything..." Gail replied simply
" Dad, is Jess out here with you?" Genesis asked
" I thought you both were in the other room putting together what I asked before Gail and Jessie had gotten here?" Rick asked
" We did and she said she was just gonna lay down like she always does. I was playing with Riley... I went back and she wasn't there." Genesis replied
~~~
Jesslyn had just sat along the creek just thinking but kept to herself
" I don't see why Daddy had brought me here... He said it was to be closer to you but you're not here... You're not here and I need you Momma I wish you didn't leave me all alone" Jesslyn threw a stone into the stream while Lesley was right there watching from a short distance.
" I'm right here Snoopi... I have never really left you... I'm always with you."
" But it's not the same... I always had someone to talk to... I just wish you would come back." Jesslyn replied
" I know you do sweetheart I do too because I miss you and everybody else just as much... But sometimes when someone we love is as sick as I was, we can only help that person so far and sometimes that help does help make that person feel better and other times it doesn't work the way we would hope and that person eventually passes away... You won't fully understand this yet baby but you will as time goes and you maybe start a family of your own one day..." Lesley looked over at Jesslyn
" But you were getting better... And Daddy said it wasn't that bad and you'd be okay. " Jesslyn looked at Lesley
" No angel baby it wasn't okay like if it were a cold where you go lay down and maybe then feel better later... Your Dad…. sweetheart he only downplayed it for you guys because it was what I wanted for you. I asked for you, your sister and your brother to be with Audrey and Dr. Hardy because baby I didn't want you to have to see me like that. It wouldn't have been fair to you. Like my grandmother didn't for me, I didn't want your last few memories to be that of seeing me as sick as I was where I was more unconscious than I was conscious."
" Mom, I wish you didn't leave... I hate being all alone." Jesslyn said
Lesley turned around and looked back at Jesslyn with a smile as Jessie was standing at the top of the hill... " Talk about things with your Dad... And if you rather talk to someone other than him, Jessie or Gail they'll always be there... Jesslyn baby I am gonna always be with you... I'll never be far from you..." Lesley disappeared as Jessie called out after Jesslyn
~~~
" Gail, I'm worried about her... She's had it so rough since Lesley passed away... She won't open up to me, she won't talk to Jessie, she just stays up in her bedroom even through dinner at the house... There's got to be something that I need to do to help her..."
" You said since Lesley passed away she's had trouble... You mean with coping? Or is she trying to keep it just bottled up?" Gail asked gently
" I think it's both Gail... Sometimes I feel…. It's like Lesley is here again... She had that kwirk about her when she would try to keep things that bothered her all bottled up... And it's not that I don't want Jesslyn to not be like Lesley, not at all... I'm just afraid that if we don't get her to open up and help her work through her grief and her feelings with her mother's passing, then I could lose my daughter too and I will not be able to handle that right now." Rick explained
" I will try my best Rick, you know that..." Gail replied
" Lesley always was always a pistol... Everything she ever wanted to do and did she never regretted doing the things she did or didn't do... Even after I had returned from the time that I had to risk losing her and the girls before Riley came into the picture... She was real hurt at that time. I honestly thought she'd never trust me again but she understood why I did what I had to do I could never forget when she called me while I stayed at Bobbi's... After that, Riley was born just a week later and you should've seen the way she used to watch me with kids... She was happy... I should've known something was wrong maybe if I had... She'd be here with us alive and happy to get away from Port Charles..."
" Oh Rick, you can't go blaming yourself... You did everything you could for Lesley while she was sick... Sure she was later terminal and she's put up a brave fight but you did all that you could and what was important to her was you were there to the very end."
" Those last moments with her... It killed me Gail. It was like a knife was taken and was stuck right into my chest... The split second that I heard Lesley's heart stopped and her hand slid to land right into mine as she had stopped breathing... I thank God that Jessie was with me because I don't think I could've done it by myself." Rick got out
" I wish I had the words to help you get through all of this Rick."
" I'd give anything Gail... anything at all to go back to the time just before the girls were born. Lesley was so happy and so excited when we found out she was pregnant. And to find out later
at that time she was pregnant with the girls Lesley was more than just happy she was thrilled I think…. Everything at that time was perfect. Well up until she, you and Zach were stuck at the house because of bad flooding and everything else."
" Lesley was proud that night… and I was glad to be there when she needed someone to be there and I was happy that Zach was there because he knew better than I did with how to do things. Lesley was scared that night but when you finally got there, her fears went away Rick because you were right there by her side."
~~~
Jessie sat with Jesslyn but also told her that she couldn't just take off whenever she felt like it
" I know you're upset and you are grieving... I am too but you can't run off like this. We have been worried sick about where you went." Jessie said firmly but gently
" I'm sorry Aunt Jessie... I just don't feel like I belong... So I snuck out the back to come down here. I thought if I came down here I would be closer to Mom... instead I feel more alone then I already had" Jesslyn turned away completely
" Jesslyn you belong with this family more than you think... Your father, your sister and your brother they love you.. so do I... And this place, the cabin up here was always the one place your mother loved the most... And she wanted us to come up to not only try to celebrate her life, but to cherish the good memories and the good times we each all got to have with her." Jessie pulled Jesslyn into a hug
Jesslyn pulled away " I don't want these memories or reminders... I want Mom back... It was better when she was here."
" Hey I want you to listen to me... Your mother fought very hard to hold on to what she had. She didn't want to leave you or your brother and your sister. She was heartbroken to say goodbye to you... You 3 went above everything she ever loved other than your Dad. Sometimes we have to try to keep our lives going for those we love that can't be here."
" Aunt Jessie I'm sorry I wasn't trying to lash out at you.. I just... I feel so alone" Jesslyn admitted.
" I know you don't mean to lash out... I understand Jesslyn more than you can think, but bottling and running from what you feel will only hurt you in the long run. That was a lesson I learned many years ago and I learned it in the hardest way..." Jessie pointed out
Jesslyn and Jessie walked back and Jesslyn was about to head to bed but not before Rick was about to sit her down for another talk hoping she'd open up to him or at least to Gail