" It's not crazy Rick... Because she is here with us and she always will be sometimes when I would head for bed she would be there... Just waiting to tell me she's looking out for me..." Jessie replied
Gail and Genesis joined Jessie and Rick out by the river stream with something that Lesley passed to Gail a few weeks prior to when she passed away, something seemed off though because because only Genesis was with Gail and Jessie knew something seemed wrong
" I'm gonna see that Jesslyn is okay... Her and I will be out in a moment.." Jessie headed to go talk to Jesslyn
Jesslyn continued to just stay in her space while everyone else gathered out along the stream..
" Jesslyn it's Jessie... Could we maybe talk for alittle bit?" Jessie asked and lightly knocked on the door
Jesslyn felt that Lesley was there when she continued to stay in her space... Jessie slowly came into the room to try to help Jesslyn.
" I thought maybe we could talk for a bit...?" Jessie sat next to Jesslyn
" Mom and me used to talk even when she was first sick back before Easter... Now I have no one to talk to... Not about my problems or fears about something like thinking about pursuing a relationship, nothing... She's gone and I'm just all alone."
" I thought like this once... It was many years ago when I was about your mom's age... Maybe alittle older than your mother was... My little girl was just alittle younger than your brother is when she was taken from her dad and I… My late husband and I we never saw our little girl again" Jessie sat beside Jesslyn..
" After my late husband died I tried my hardest to close everything and everyone off, even Doctor Hardy but there was someone who refused to leave me alone or let me close her away from my trouble and to this day there was never one Moment where I wasn't grateful or where I didn't feel loved... I never forgot who it was that helped me put pieces together to see that it was okay to show my feelings or to show when I was upset." Jessie turned and looked towards as if Lesley was standing nearby smiling back..
" Who was it that wouldn't let you be alone?"
" It was your mother who helped me learn that closing yourself out could only hurt us later down the road... You wanna know what one of her final wishes she asked me to do?" Jessie brought her arm around Jesslyn's shoulder
" What?" Jesslyn replied
" She asked that I look after you and your sister and your brother... But she also said don't let my little Snoopi try to bottle up the way I always had... That was one of her biggest concerns. That you'd follow in her same footsteps with that bad habit of hiding your real feelings about certain things. She also asked that I take you under my wing as I did when I first met your mother."
" I don't want Mom to be mad at me or upset... I guess I should open up more and show Mom I'm okay or at least I'm trying to be okay..." Jesslyn hugged Jessie and got up.
" You don't have to hide how you feel about things Jesslyn. Your mother would be on your back telling you it's okay to be upset."
Jessie and Jesslyn finally started to come out to meet with everyone but Jesslyn wanted to say something first when she looked up at Rick and reached for his hand. " Dad, I'm sorry I was refusing to participate..."
Rick showed a small smile and wrapped an arm around Jesslyn " Sweetheart don't be sorry, today is a hard time for all of us... Your mother was a very special woman to us and she loved you more than you know just like I do and your sister and your brother… I think today we should
try to remember that while it's a painful reminder that she had passed away, we can take it into comfort that she's at peace and there's no more suffering or pain that she has to go through anymore."
" I for one would like to believe that wherever mom is she's with us, and we can remind ourselves that she left us with beautiful memories that we can cherish.." Jesslyn stated " mom left a legacy that we can hold onto..." Genesis pointed out
" That's right. The legacy and the memories of what she left for us… they're precious and even when it hurts to think of them sometimes we could look back and smile because the time we had with your mother was a blessing."
Rick started to open what Lesley left with Gail a few weeks before she had passed away.
" To my family and my 2 special friends that have meant the world to my heart... To Jessie who was always like a mother for me when I didn't have one growing up, Jessie I don't know how to thank you for everything you ever did for me... You were there when I needed you most especially after late December and early January when the cancer had returned and you guided me every step of the way even when I didn't think I could tell Rick at the time that I was sick again and granted you were ready to tell Rick in spite that I continued to lie to him and hide it my only regret to you is putting you into that position to lie to Rick and that I will always be sorry for... Jessie you never gave up on me and you were my guide through thick and thin and through the hardest thing I ever had to go through like you watched over me and you were my guide…. Now I will be yours. Gail... You were always like a sister to me at the times where I felt alone when Rick or Jessie were both somewhere else and then again after I was diagnosed again in late January you helped me to come to terms with the fact that I was dying…. that Gail... That meant so much to me and I will be forever grateful to you for that and I love you more than you know... To my 2 special little girls and to my special little boy... Riley, Jesslyn and Genesis when I found out about you I don't think I can explain that feeling because it's not a feeling that one can solely express by themselves like your brother, you both are very special to my heart and you always will be... Jesslyn I know you don't understand why I'm not there... Baby I love you very much I want you to know that... You, your sister, and your brother are the biggest blessing I have never been more proud to have in my life. Riley when I found out about you, nothing could explain the feeling that a mother could have when she learns or discovers herself that she's gonna be a mother. When learning about you Riley I felt just as I did when your father and I learned about your sisters. All 3 of you are my biggest blessing next to your father don't ever forget that and any time you feel alone or feel like no one is there just look out your window towards the moon just like we always did when you were all little... And you'll know that I am there beside you... And last but not certainly in the least to the man I love more than anything else.. Richard you stood by me for alot of everything I was afraid you would leave me for and you almost did once but you didn't not entirely anyway... You gave me more than anything that other men never could have... Rick you gave me your love and you made sure after everything we went through you made sure I was safe and I was loved… Richard I am so sorry that I couldn't tell you right away that the cancer had returned... I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me for that and for everyday after that I hurt you... I love you all more than you could ever know... and I'm sorry that I can't be there to share today with you but if you look hard enough and listen just right, I'm there
right beside everybody... Oh and Rick... I don't want you to quit working with the hospital... You have to continue your work... Do it for me...!
Forever but always, Lesley"
" She always was a little spit fire... I never could get anything past her..." Rick smiled
" You mean just like you can't do it with me either..." Jessie looked towards Rick
" I guess she had a good idea that I would try to resign and then I guess try to hide from the hospital and alot of the good times we most spent together in the hospital and even outside the hospital... And I have to admit she was right. I did plan to just run and maybe hide... Because as great and special as the memories are, it hurts to go on with work especially without her."
" Dad... I think Mom would expect you to go back to work..." Genesis looked towards Rick.
Rick and Jessie looked at each other stunned but agreed with what Genesis had just said
" I think you're right your Mom would expect me to stay with the hospital... She hated it if I tried to quit something and she caught me every time I tried to do it too..." Rick looked towards Jessie and Gail.
Jesslyn gave Rick a hug. " I love you Dad and I promise I won't hide things anymore... I'll try to open up about when I have a bad day."
" Hey if you need to talk about anything, I'm always gonna be able to listen and if I'm not home for whatever reason I promise you I will be there for you to talk to and so will Jessie." Rick gave Jesslyn a hug
" And anytime you would like to come see me Jesslyn you just let your dad know and he'll set it up for you to come to see me anytime you feel you want to have a session that goes for you to Genesis." Gail stepped up
Everybody went back into the cabin to relax and take an easy but Rick took a couple of moments to clear his head and he opened a second letter that was specifically for that day she left for him
" my dearest Rick, I realize that today was gonna remind you even more that I had lost a battle I knew from the start I couldn't win... I know that it is also a painful reminder to you because you couldn't help make it go away... Rick those few weeks before I had to go, those were the most of the moments I am blessed that I got to have and I want you to cherish them... I want you to hold onto them because I couldn't have wanted it any other way. To have you and to have Jessie right by my side for my final moments Rick it was a blessing. The love I have for you and
everyone else, I can't begin to try to explain how I felt to be with you knowing that it would be my last few moments... I don't want you to cry for me... I want you to live Rick and be the man I fell in love with all those years ago and when it's the right time and you feel like you're ready to let go... I'll be right there waiting for you and so will Laura. We love you Rick more than you could ever know... You remember your promise to me...? You'll find love again... You deserve to be happy and that's what I want for you... So buck up Richard don't let another chance for you be happy get away because I can't be there... I'm forever with you and I will always love you
Always Lesley"
" I love you Lesley... But I don't know how to go on without you nevermind think of how I could move on to find someone else... Lesley you were the only woman for me." Rick held on to Lesley's urn while talking to her
~~~
Jesslyn was watching along the side of the river stream just thinking about what she was gonna do after going back to school for her junior year.
" Jesslyn? May I join you or would you rather be alone?" Gail asked
" Sure I guess I could use alittle company" Jesslyn replied
" Your mother wanted me to give this to you... It was important to her that you got this it was your great grandmother's" Gail sat next to Jesslyn
" Aunt Gail... I think it would be good if I could see you after we all go home..."
" I'll talk with your dad and I think I can work you into my patient load..." Gail smiled.
Everybody went back inside the cabin to relax before the sun had began to set for the evening except for Rick he chose to sit out and clear his mind with Lesley's urn by his side.
" Just how we used to do together... We'd watch the sun come up and then later see it go down for the night... Then we'd run inside and warm up because it was so cold out at times... I really miss you Lesley….. I wish I could see you again even if it's just for a moment or 2... I miss that smile and even that little spark you had whenever you were about to give it to me when you were mad at me..." Rick paused when another butterfly sat on his hand.
" I'm always there Rick, I will never leave your heart even when you find love again and you will." Lesley blew out a kiss.
Rick started to get up to go inside for the night to get some sleep but was astonished that the butterfly refused to leave him alone. It was like Lesley was right there talking to him telling him she's okay and she's at peace with Laura.
" Go on little guy, I'll see you again soon cause I'll come back again." Rick released the butterfly and went to bed with Lesley by his side as always.
~~~
The next morning Rick had gotten up as early as always with Lesley to see the sun come up and then he headed inside to make sure everything was together before leaving to head back home with the kids. Jessie and Gail had left just before them but agreed to meet up with Rick at the house for when he got back so they could make plans for celebrating Lesley's birthday
" Come on girls we have to head out soon" Rick asked and took out the cooler to the car.
" Dad, are we gonna be coming up here every year?" Jesslyn asked
" I don't know yet princess, maybe we'll come up again for you and your sister's birthday next year. How's that sound?" Rick answered
" I wish mom was gonna be with us... She always used to run ragged when our birthdays came around..." Jesslyn replied.
" I do too but It helps remind us that she's watching over us all the time... How about you help your sister while I get your brother's stuff into the back..." Rick replied and gave Jesslyn a hug before they left to head home.
Jessie and Gail had finally reached to check in to General for the day to get their minds off of the past weekend while they had a chance
" I'm checking in Georgia... Has Monica checked in at all?" Gail asked
" She's in surgery, here are your messages... How's Rick?" Georgia asked when handing Gail her messages.
" He's trying the best way he knows how like the rest of us... He just needs time to get through it... I think with Lesley's birthday coming up the day after tomorrow, it's gonna be harder on him... She would've been 50 I think.. " Gail replied
" Lesley touched alot of people in this hospital... Alot of her old patients have said they've highly recommended that their friends should choose to go to her for any medical reason..." Georgia said before checking in another doctor.
" Yeah Lesley did... She never could let anyone suffer from anything..." Gail said before heading up to her office
Rick has just gotten home with the kids and brought everything inside while the kids had gone upstairs to put their stuff away... " No Riley... We don't ever go in there" Rick stopped and picked Riley up from going into the side room where Lesley's things from the hospital were kept.
" Riley, I think it's time for you to take a nap..."
Rick went to put Riley down for a nap while waiting for Jessie to come by that afternoon.