Jesslyn made Rick sit with her on the couch after he got home from the hospital and she was determined to get him to open up about how he really was doing giving the surrounding circumstances
" I know I should have intervened before Dad and I'm sorry I wasn't there... I know what you're having trouble with and I can see what it's doing to you... I miss Mom too.. I used to be able to open up about almost anything or she would take one look and go 'something's bothering you what is it Snoopi?'... What has been helping me is just looking out for Riley and helping you when you need me.." Jesslyn stopped for a moment
" Sweetheart, you're doing a great job with your brother and I'm very proud of you. I know your mother is too... And my little loss of control at the hospital is not on you or anyone else... So don't feel like you need to be sorry... You're very much like your mother and one day I'm sure you'll become a mother yourself.. today has been difficult and after tomorrow it's gonna be tougher.. so if you would like you can stay home from school I am not gonna force you to go. I think your mother would love it that we spend and celebrate her birthday just as we should celebrate her life." Rick replied shortly before going to get up but Jesslyn stopped him
" Dad, wait a second I wasn't quite finished with talking to you... And I think that's a nice idea of a way to keep mom's memory alive..." Jesslyn paused and moved to continue
" I promise you... Dad from now on I will pay more attention to when you need someone to talk to... And if it's okay... I even want to go to a few sessions with you and Aunt Gail... I think we should get through all of this together for mom..."
Jesslyn gently touched Rick's hand while he looked alittle stunned but was touched with how Jesslyn showed her concerned that he was in deep emotional trouble
" Sometimes I wonder if you're more mature than you realize you know that... But I'm very proud of you.." Rick gave Jesslyn a hug and got up to go and lay down to try to get some sleep
Refusing to go home, Genesis continued to spiral where she continued to emotionally get worse in her belief that Rick solely didn't want to do anything to have helped Lesley get better and then allowed her to suffer up until the morning she passed away... Believing what she wanted she's wasn't about to let it go even then
" Genesis you really should be going home... You can't stay here forever... You know my dad won't let it and yours needs you." Becca tried to reason
" Oh please don't Becca okay? My father can rely on my sister, he doesn't need my help. Why are you always quick to defend him when you're supposed to have my back?" Genesis turned around to face her friend
" I do have your back but I also see when you're wrong and the way you're going right now it's wrong... Your father does need you, you're his daughter too and if I were you I would be there when it counts most because eventually, there's gonna come a time that you're gonna lose your dad too..." Becca pointed out to her point.
" Maybe you're half right... But right now he can get by on his own. I don't think I need to be there."
" Well I think it's time that you do go and go home because I have stuff with my dad and my step mom to do and you can't stay... Please go home." Becca asked nicely and insisted
~~~
Rick moved Lesley's urn up to the guest bedroom so she was with him when he went to bed.
Feeling that Lesley was by his side watching over him, Rick kept her lab coat close near like he's always had while he sat her urn next to her picture on his side table that had her favorite
little throw draped. As heartbroken as he continued to feel, he tried again to get at least a few hours of sleep while he had a chance.
Realizing that he was dreaming Rick made no effort to wake up when he saw that Lesley was sitting on a bench watching the birds in the distance
" Les... Is it really you… You're more beautiful than I thought you were" Rick spoke up
" I never left you Rick. I wish you would believe that... I wish you would start to heal. You have to forgive yourself... Forgive me." Lesley replied
" Lesley sweetheart, I fail to understand what it is that you think I should forgive you for? You never did anything wrong… You are as perfect as you've always been and as you always will be." Rick insisted
" Rick, you don't believe that anymore than I do... I did what I was afraid of doing and what I swore I was never gonna do again... I hurt you... When you learned that I was sick again and I wasn't gonna get better again it hurt you because I kept lying to you when telling you I was okay... Rick it doesn't matter how you try to spin that... I hurt you and I am sorry."
" Lesley... I'll be there first to admit it hurt that I didn't know for awhile and it bothered me true... But you were scared... If it were me I think I would have gone about it the same way except for me... It would be more important to try to protect you even if it would cost me everything. Lesley there is nothing that I need to forgive you for... You will always be the woman I love and the mother of my children. You will always be my little bug..." Rick protested and kissed Lesley before she had a chance to reply
" I wish I could be with you again even if it's just a few moments... I miss you so much Rick... Please keep that promise... You can love again, it doesn't have to be that you remarry... I just want you to be happy and to remember that I'm in your heart right where I need to be..." Lesley kissed Rick again as he woke up abruptly
~~~
Over the next couple of hours after the following day, Rick cried but felt that Lesley was there when he felt like she had laid a hand on his shoulder where he had found it alittle easier to relax again where he was able to go back to sleep for the rest of the night.
Rick got up alittle early as he always had but that morning in particular was different from the last as it was now May 19th and Rick wanted to do something special because it would've been Lesley's 50th birthday
" Happy 50th Sweetheart... I miss you more every day but I love you more than anything." Rick noticed that Lesley was there when a caterpillar was on his hand as he held her urn.
Rick had just gone back inside when Jessie had pulled up in the driveway.
" Morning Jessie... What brings you by around just after the crack of dawn... Not that I'm not happy to see you."
" I thought maybe to come by for alittle bit while I have a few hours... How are you Rick...?" Jessie asked
" I miss her so much Jessie... I miss everything that we used to do... I was supposed to surprise her like we've always done with her birthday... And I can't do it anymore." Rick sat down on the couch with Jessie and Lesley's urn
" We can celebrate her life Rick... Right where she lived and right where she loved. If it were me I know that is what I would want the both of you to do.. Lesley didn't leave us with an empty space Rick she left behind a legacy just as you will when it comes your time to go." Jessie exclaimed
" I actually plan to get this today of her... I kinda picture how she would be if she was here to see it afterwards..."
" I know she would love the tribute that you're trying to make." Jessie started to say and something snapped in Rick. " There shouldn't have to be a tribute this way Jessie.. Lesley should be here, she should be enjoying her life and looking forward for this summer... When the 4th of July comes around she should be looking forward for the hospital picnic we always went to together in the park... Instead I stay home and I try to keep away from any of that."
" Rick, I want you to listen to me and listen right now. I learned a lesson I never wanted to learn a long time ago. When I lost both my kids and then my husband I was about to give up everything the hospital to start. But I couldn't do that because there was one person who wouldn't allow me to just up and throw everything away." Jessie paused for a moment and turned to the fireplace
" Jessie I'm sorry I wasn't trying to upset you... I know like me you're struggling too..." Rick said.
" Lesley was the daughter I had left... From the morning she first walked in to the hospital to the moment she died, she's always helped me through the hardest times that I have been through so now it's my job to do for you what she always did for me."
" I haven't slept in that room since that morning.. I just... I can't find myself to go in there especially when going to bed… I honestly don't think I can even push myself to walk back into that room.. Just the thought of going near our bedroom.. it brings back the moment she stopped breathing and then the very second her hand slid to land in mine when her heart stopped. " Rick admitted while trying to hide his grief
" Do you remember how things turned out a couple of days after the girls were born and you came to check on me? Do you remember what you kept saying to me.?" Jessie asked
~~
" Rick you have to do this… you have to get the second baby out… We can't wait for paramedics to get to us…" Lesley pleaded
" Lesley what you're asking me to do it could kill you and I couldn't live with myself if I had killed you while trying to save you and the baby both."
" Rick, if you don't, we will lose the baby….. Rick, we can't lose another child… I can't… so please do it and save him or her….. Do it Rick for me." Lesley pleaded again while looking Rick right in his eyes.
" Don't you ask me to do this Lesley don't you ask me to risk killing you or killing you both… I couldn't live with myself if I'd killed you because I was trying to save you."
" Rick please just do it… there is no time to…." Lesley grabbed onto Rick's hand as the pain continued to become unbearable
~~
" Course I do, how can I forget Jessie that week was a nightmare... Lesley had just had the twins and I nearly took her life while trying to save both her and Genesis and that was after she started to beg me to choose between her and our daughter.. Why are you reminding me of that?!" Rick turned towards Jessie
Jessie took a minute before giving Rick an answer not because she wanted to not answer it was the complete opposite she wanted to remind him of the times that Lesley was proudest of the most of in Rick.
" I'm reminding you Rick because you have held alot of things on your shoulders, particularly more burdens than pride or accomplishments that you should be proud of. You took a big risk that night…. You gambled but in spite of all those odds stacked and were against Lesley she made it. She pulled through all of that because of you…. That is something you need to be proud of not condemning yourself for."
" You amaze me Jessie…. You flat out amaze me…" Rick sat back and looked at Jessie
" Oh in what way is that?" Jessie asked with curiosity
Rick started to show a slight grin and decided to sit up alittle bit " Right before I had to risk losing her and the girls and your respect as I recall, we were in my office that early afternoon and Lesley pointed this out to me and practically repeated what you just went on saying on how I need to stop looking at that night like I did something wrong. And Lesley and you both are right. I should be proud that I saved their lives that night. But it isn't easy to see it that way through my eyes."
Later in the evening Rick settled for bed but spent the first few moments thinking about some of the time that he and Lesley were apart because of the scandal and then his love affair that he got himself into with Monica after the truth had came out that Alan Jr. wasn't his.
~~
" Is it true…. Is it really true?!" Rick barked
" Let me explain to you" Rick interrupted " What that you have been lying, that you have been deceiving me?!" Rick said
" Don't… dont… Don't do this to me please." Rick spoke up as his patience and his anger started to flair " After what you just did to me?"
Rick walked off after shoving Monica behind him while storming off to head home while upset. Unwinding to settle for the evening Rick continued to ignore the phone that continued to ring
Rick had gone is alittle bit early by about 5mins to get his messages and had asked about if Lesley was in yet or not and had also asked if Steve had come in yet when Monica had walked in and said his name and asked to talk to him.
" I tried calling you last night" Monica said as they went into Rick's office " I thought that was you."
" Why didn't you answer?" Monica asked straightforward and Rick looked in her direction while alittle irritated " Because I didn't have anything to say to you then and I don't have anything to say to you now." Rick stated.
~~
Rick got up and started looking through the photo album that he and Lesley had from both of their weddings they had and then the latest scrapbook Lesley left for him to reflect on that started to make him think back to the moment he asked her a second time to marry him
" I would give anything to hear your voice or to see your smile again." Rick said to himself while looking at their pictures from their second wedding and he shortly jumped later when Jesslyn came downstairs to see him awake
" Dad, are you alright? I saw the light on so I thought to come and see if you were okay… that and I couldn't sleep anyway." Jesslyn asked and sat by Rick on the couch… " Mom's favorite album… and her memorial scrapbook I helped her with.."
" You're alot like your mother, you know that?…. She would be real proud to see the young woman that you've become and how you have stepped up to make sure your brother was taken care of. I am proud of you Jesslyn."
" I'm just doing what I have to, Dad… Mom would want me to step up and she would want me to make sure you, Riley and Genesis are looked after. I promised I would do that… Dad, I just want you to be okay. I don't want something to happen to you like something happened to mom. I do need you." Jesslyn gave Rick a hug
" I am always gonna make sure I'm there for you Jesslyn. Don't you ever worry about that."