Rick later sat down on the couch after Riley was finished with dinner and later he cleaned up his toys in his room. " Dad, how come we don't do much like going to the park anymore don't you miss going sometimes?." Riley asked
" Sometimes l do buddy…. I used to take you and your sisters all the time when they were your age and you were a baby… maybe this weekend i'll take you out to the park and we could spend the day remembering your mom."
" l love you daddy… I think I better go and get ready for bed… hey dad? When's Genesis coming home?"
" Very soon pal… the doctor that took care of her wants to make sure she's 100% better to come home." Rick assured Riley before looking through the mail that continued to come in and some that came in still was addressed to Lesley which only added to Rick's grief as he thought more about her.
" Dad, maybe you should try to get some sleep… I think you could use a few hours." Riley suggested
" I do try sometimes buddy it's not always easy when you're grown up and you got alot to take care of... and with your Mom gone, it makes it just alittle more difficult to get through some things... But you know something? Just being home with you and your sisters is what lessens some of the hard times that we have without her." Rick sat next to Riley on the couch for a little bit before he put him to bed.
" I wish Mommy didn't have to go... It's not really that fun with her not here." Riley stated
" I know pal I wish she didn't go either... But we have to remember that even though she isn't here with us anymore, Riley she's still looking out for you."
Rick took Riley up to bed and tucked him in for the night and headed down the hall to the guest room to get some sleep for the night but not before spending time with Lesley's urn like he's always done since she was brought home.
" I really miss you Lesley, you know that... Sometimes I just wish you were here to argue with me about the dumbest thing..."
Rick went to try to get some sleep even though in his mind sleep was always far away without having Lesley there beside him.
" Looks like I can't sleep again... Lesley I am absolutely lost without you. I can't even sleep with you, not here with me... I wish you would show me that you're here and tell me that you're alright.." Rick clung to her lab coat and her urn just as he's done before
Thinking of while back, Jessie tried to push Lesley away from the time just before Phil was killed and they had learned from the detective in their missing child's case as much as Jessie tried she just couldn't get the memories of what Lesley did out of her mind
~~
" Thank you detective. We appreciate everything you tried and for telling us..." Jessie and Phil got off the phone
" Hey they're gonna find who did this to us we'll figure all this out... I'm gonna finish my rounds then I thought, maybe you'd like to head home for the night." Phil expressed
" Thanks Phil ah but I have to get my work done..." Jessie went back to the lobby desk to try to get work done
For Jessie it seemed like all the pressures related to her personal life started to get to her and Jessie decided to try to cool off in the lounge to try to pull herself together.
" Jessie... Are you alright...?" Lesley asked gently
" Yeah I'm fine I was just thinking about something..." Jessie turned away slightly.
" Jessie I don't want to pry but you seem to be upset and I'm gonna tell you it would help you better to open up to a friend... So if you want to I'm here for you... If you need a listening ear." Lesley insisted
Jessie and Lesley must have talked for more than an hour and Jessie had started to feel alittle better and was grateful that Lesley finally got her to open up
" Jessie, I understand what you're feeling and going through... I lost 2 children myself. I was pregnant shortly after finishing high school and right before I came here my first was stillborn and my second had died shortly after birth so I know how it hurts... I want you to know I'm here for you when you need to talk" Lesley said
" Thanks Lesley" Jessie hugged Lesley and went back to work.
~~
" Lesley I miss you so much... I only hope that you are at peace and you're looking over everyone of us." Rick tried again to get at least a few hours before he would get Riley up for school.
Early the following week, Jessie had just checked in to the hospital, as Steve and Audrey had just checked in little did they know, Rick was on route by ambulance just a half an hour later.
" What do we got" the attending shouted
" 52 year old male found unresponsive Bp 100/50 respiration is very shallow tachycardic at 160 lost alot of blood on the scene GSW to the abdomen." EMT transcribed
" Page Dr. Hardy and nurse Brewer stat and page Dr Martinson." The attending barked well working on Rick
Both Steve and Jessie had just gotten there when they learned it was Rick who was fighting for his life and later Jessie tried to comfort Jesslyn while Rick was still in surgery.
" Where is my father... I want to see him?!" Jesslyn expressed
" You can't... Right now your father is in surgery and Dr Martinson and Dr. Dante are doing their best to save his life."
" I already lost Mom, I don't want to lose dad too!" Jesslyn tried not to jump to conclusions
" Hey he's gonna pull through there's no way that your mother or your sister would allow him to quit" Jessie replied and hugged Jesslyn
~~~
Unsure where he was, Rick stayed where he was until he saw someone in the short distance
" You really shouldn't be here Dad... You need to fight for the kids you have they need you more than you realize" Laura insisted
" Laura I didn't want to get hurt, I didn't want to get shot, it just happened."
" Dad, I've been watching over you over the last 2 years... You are struggling and you need guidance. Why won't you see that?" Laura barked
" Laura I... I've tried my best and my hardest over the last 2 years.. I just.. I don't think I can do it anymore." Rick admitted
" You miss Mother, I know that and I'm sorry I had to take her that morning. Dad you need to find the strength to see that Mom is okay and she's safe."
Jessie stayed with Jesslyn who was more distraught than she initially thought. " It's all my fault… I should have been there when dad needed me or needed someone to talk to. But I spent my time with my friends and then back and forth with work and school." Jesslyn cried
" Jesslyn I want you to calm down, your father is gonna be fine and Dr Martinson is doing everything he can to help your father."
" I promised I would look out better and I would pay attention better... And I wasn't Aunt Jessie now he's in there fighting for his life." Jesslyn cried
" Hey your father will come through... but you have to hold to that faith." Jessie replied
" What faith is there! First God takes my mom and now he's trying to take dad... If that's who you think I should hold faith to, well you can but I won't.." Jesslyn ran off to hide
~~~
Rick knew he had lied to Laura that he wasn't trying to do anything stupid... He knew in the back of his head what he was doing leading up to how he was shot the only problem was, he knew who he was gonna have to face and that was Lesley and he braced himself as he knew just how upset she was gonna be that he's tried to take his own life and at the worst of times when the kids need him most
" Rick, you need to go... I can't let you stay here with me not at this time as much as I love you Rick and I miss you so much every single day I can not let you join me here… i won't!" Lesley held her hand up
" I don't want half a life Lesley don't you understand... What good is it to fight for a life when it would be without you. You were my life. I lost mine the second I felt that your heart stopped and you stopped breathing in my arms that morning.." Rick stood up but turned slightly away
" I never meant to hurt you... I tried my best to fight as hard as I could but I just I couldn't fight anymore and that was not your fault!... Richard, when are you gonna face this and face it that it was not your fault... When are you gonna forgive me and yourself?!" Lesley barked and tried to turn Rick to face her.
Looking at Lesley.. " I wish you would stop saying that I need to forgive you Lesley... There's nothing to forgive you for you fought and fought.. you tried your best to get through it. Why should I have to forgive you when there's nothing that you did wrong?!"
" You really think it's this easy don't you…. Richard... I hurt you, it doesn't matter how much you want to spin it and turn it around. I hurt you when I chose to agree to stop medical care and I chose to stay only with comfort care with hospice... It hurt you to be spending those last few weeks having to see and watch me become so sick... Rick.." Lesley reached for Rick's hands
" Lesley, you think I regret it that I spent those moments? I could never regret spending those precious moments with you... You were the best thing I ever had in my life... To hold you that morning just before you... Lesley I will hold that moment with me forever in my heart that I got to be with you in your last few moments... Sure it hurt like hell to tell you it was okay for you to let go and it shattered mine when I heard that your heart had finally stopped beating as you stopped breathing in my arms but I wasn't about to walk away and just allow you to die alone. Lesley I didn't just want to be there, I had to be there at your side. That was my job, my duty to you." Rick kissed Lesley before she pulled away
" Rick, please go home to the kids... They need you and when the time is right I'll come for you and we'll be together again but now... it's not that time… Please don't make this harder than it is already." Lesley tried again to convince Rick to fight
" Lesley believe me I want to fight but I don't think I can without you.. I miss you so much and I am lost without you."
" I'm with you wherever you go whatever you go to do I'm right here" Lesley gestured with her hand on Rick's chest " Rick you gave me more things then anybody ever had. What's more is it was in your arms I spent my last few moments in... I love you Rick I love you always... Tell my girls and Riley I love them and tell Jesslyn I'm proud of her." Lesley kissed Rick before fading out.
~~~
Jesslyn sat beside Rick day and night refusing to leave until he was to wake up
" Jesslyn you have got to take a break and get some sleep." Jessie suggested
" Aunt Jessie I can't leave Daddy not until he wakes up and I know he's gonna make it." Jesslyn replied
" Honey, your father is gonna pull through. He's been through alot more than this. But you need to sleep and you know he would tell you the same thing." Jessie said
" I hope so... I don't think I could handle it if I were to lose him too."
Over the following week Rick started to improve where he slowly started to regain consciousness of course in his mind, he knew that he wasn't gonna escape from getting a lecture from Jessie after waking up
" It's okay Jessie you can go in... It'll help him hopefully for his recovery" Steve suggested
" I think we should give Jesslyn and Riley some time with him first." Jessie expressed.
" Has there been any word on Genesis?" Steve asked
Now Jessie turned and looked at Steve. " No there hasn't and I think that's part of why Rick resorted to this because she took off upset and he has no idea where she took off too and adding that he's trying his best to get through day by day without Lesley I think it was enough that he's hit bottom."
" Genesis's disappearance and everything else he's gone through, if he loses Genesis, it'll kill him Steve. I pray to God that she is found alive and safe."
~~~
Jesslyn stayed at Rick's side with Riley while they had a chance. " We're right here Daddy. Me and Riley, we're sitting right by your side and we will be here when you wake up..."
" Daddy's not gonna leave us to be with mommy is he?" Riley looked up at Jesslyn
" Riley our Dad is gonna be alright he just has to take this time to get better. Come on... Aunt Jessie is waiting to take us home." Jesslyn gave Rick a kiss on the side of his head and headed out with Riley to the waiting area.
Jessie took both Riley and Jesslyn home but didn't pretend that she didn't notice that Jesslyn had something on her mind " Jesslyn what is it?"
" It's nothing Aunt Jessie I um I am gonna head up to bed so I can get to school tomorrow early." Jesslyn said and headed up to bed
Unable to sleep with everything going on Jesslyn decided to look through Lesley's scrap album that she found with her name attached to the side of a note Lesley had left the week before she passed away
" My little Snoopi I only hope this helps you and your Dad get through what may come ahead in the future... I love you baby... Always
Love Mom"
Jesslyn didn't understand what Lesley meant at first but then started to think more about it and realized what it could be that Lesley was trying to tell her.
Sneaking out was easy for Jesslyn explaining it later was maybe gonna be harder when Jessie was to learn she snuck out to head back up to the hospital
" Dad, please don't leave us too... I understand more now than before of what mom was trying to tell me... Please wake up... Let me help you the way Mom wants me to."
~~
Rick was still trying to decide if he was gonna wake up or not but started thinking again about staying with Lesley after she had told him to go back and fight for the kids and knew he was in trouble when Lesley came back to him
" I can't let you do this Rick, not when our daughters and our son need you... Don't do this and leave them too. Riley had already grown up without me so far, don't let him continue to grow up only for it to be without both of us."
" Lesley I don't want to be without you... I don't know how to make it without you." Rick insisted
" Richard please.. our girls and our son, they need you. Please wake up. Jesslyn has sat day and night by your side. Rick, she is really struggling. She needs you to come through this." Lesley demanded
" She really has grown up over the last few months and weeks."
" I wonder where she got it from." Lesley smiled
Rick turned around to try to hide his guilt from Lesley. " Rick, I promise you I will come for you if you feel like you can't do it anymore but please wait at least until after Riley finishes school."
" Lesley I don't think I can promise you that... I miss you so much. Not having you with me alive and that it's killing me."
" Rick, I promise you I will be there for you when the right time comes along. But that is not now when Riley most of all needs you the girls they need you too. I know waiting will be hard and torturing for you but I'm asking you to wake up. I'm asking you to do it for me..." Lesley kissed Rick.
~~
Jesslyn sat by Rick's side in the ICU hoping to finally get through to him.
" Dad, please wake up. Riley misses you and I do too... I understand now why you did this. I couldn't at first when I had read it before after I found what it was that mom left for me. She has been counting on me to help you and be there and I've let her down enough.. Daddy please don't leave me alone I need you and so does Riley and Genesis."
About to leave and head back home Rick had closed a small grip on Jesslyn's hand before she could leave
" Daddy I'm right here... I'm okay I'm gonna go and find a Doctor but I'll be right back."