Rick took alittle time to himself when Riley had come into the den where Rick was trying to hide after getting together a few things that he and Lesley had put together after the twins had started their first year of high school after they had turned 14. Thinking back with those memories of those moments, it tore Rick's already bleeding wound apart all over again because it reminded him like everything else, that Lesley was gone and she couldn't be there.
" Gene, do you ever think about how graduation would've been?" Jesslyn asked while they were getting ready for their graduation
" All the time…. Mom was always thinking of what she was gonna try to plan for us… it's kinda difficult to think of what we can or should try to do now to celebrate because mom is gone and she isn't coming back."
" I'm glad that I have you Gene… Course I love Dad and Riley and everyone else but…. You're more than just a sister… you're my twin and certainly no matter how much I'm ready to kill you sometimes, you're my best friend Genesis." Jesslyn expressed while doing Genesis's hair.
" Well I promise you one thing Jess…. I promise I won't let med school interfere with coming to see you from time to time." Genesis answered.
Rick spent alot of his time thinking of some of the better times that he had with Lesley after they had brought the twins home.
~~
" Rick, I'm alright. I can take the girls for alittle bit while you set up the double sleeper for them." Lesley suggested after they were in the house
" The first thing you're gonna do is relax and take it easy…. You had a rough time some of the way while in the hospital and I will not take any chances." Rick chimed up after helping her to get out of her coat.
" I still can't believe that they're here now and it's real that we have two kids now." Lesley looked back at Rick
" Jesslyn I think looks more like her beautiful mother than anything else..." Rick joined Lesley with Genesis on the couch " I think it's also safe to think and maybe even say, Genesis has the very same determination as her mother. Both of our girls do."
" I'm sure they're stubborn side will be from you… they showed that I think from when they were born..." Lesley paused to reach for Genesis's blanket. "Alittle bit after they both are asleep and you put them upstairs, I want to get this room picked up…"
" Lesley the only thing you are gonna do is relax, you just got out of the hospital and are recovering from surgery and I will not take any chances especially when you are still recovering… I will pick up around here first thing in the morning."
" Rick I know you want me to take an easy and as a doctor myself, I agree but I don't want to take too much time with not doing anything.
~~
After finishing in the den and putting a few things away, the girls had just walked into the living-room when Rick started to come back from the den.
" It's okay Dad…. We were thinking through stuff too upstairs… there's something that we have waiting for you that we worked hard to put together..."
" Both of you look just as beautiful as your mother. She would've been so proud of the women you both have become." Rick replied back with a hug with a small smile.
" Not would've been daddy… We know she's proud. We just hope that we can continue to keep her proud of us." Jesslyn spoke up and shortly sat on the couch next to Lesley's urn and a picture that was next to it."
Riley and Genesis gave Rick and Jesslyn alittle time to talk before they had to leave to head to the University. " You think Jesslyn is okay? She seems more down than happy."
" Riley I think she is happy about today but I think it's gonna be hard for us… when there's one chair left that can't be filled…." Genesis answered
" It's kinda hard to really celebrate without mom…. I wish she was here. It's not fun without her anymore."
" So do I pal… so do I… but I think we should remember and remind ourselves that she's carried with us everywhere we go.. and she's in our hearts along with our thoughts and prayers."
Rick and Jesslyn spent a few moments together while hoping he could get her to open up about how making it to graduation was making her feel given with things that have been going on.
" Jesslyn I think I can guess why today is getting to be alittle too much for you… today was not how we thought it was gonna be having to alter or change how we were gonna celebrate today without having your mother to share it with….. Sweetheart she was and will always be proud of the young and grown up woman you have turned into. Just like I am of you. Jesslyn you and your sister have grown up and have come so far since everything that's happened from when your mother passed away and today will be hard but I think we can get through it to show her just how strong and determined you have always been from the moment of the night you were born."
" I miss Mom so much and to think of celebrating graduation without her I just… it hurts to think about that Daddy… sometimes I just feel like crawling into a bottle of like a corner and I just… I just want to hide because I miss her and I know that she's not coming back or home ever again."
" I get the feeling of that too… So many things and memories that your mother and I had together before you guys came along.. some of them I don't think I could part with, and others that I know I can't because there were a few times that I hurt your mother and I've carried that guilt ever since." Rick paused for a few minutes when the memories going back to his affair with Monica were coming back
" I remember when you left us for alittle while and then you came back to us…"
" I do too… There were a few mistakes I made that time where I had hurt you guys when doing that but the more that we can look back, protecting our family, protecting you guys was my main job. I was thankful that your mother forgave me for that." Rick smiled alittle at the memory of when Lesley finally asked him to come home
~~
" Lesley I'm glad you called… I've wanted to call you just to see how you are… how are you and the girls?" Rick asked
" I'm okay… The girls are with Jessie so I could call you for a moment..."
" And the baby? Are you and the baby alright?"
" Please come home Rick…. We need you…. I need you and don't want to do this alone.. please Rick just come home." Lesley answered.
" Lesley I will be there as soon as possible… I love you"
~~
" Both you and Riley really knew how to make an entrance into the world. You guys were so eager to come out and start your lives. You were born an hour after Gail called me the night you and Genesis were born… you wasted no time coming out. And your brother, he didn't want to wait either. I had to pull over to the side of the road almost near Kelly's when he was coming."
" Things still haven't changed… I still have my strong determination to do what I want to do. That came from you Daddy and I'm thankful that I haven't lost you too."
Riley and Genesis meet Jessie and other friends out front of the house just before it was time to go and Jessie went in to see that Rick and Jesslyn were okay
" I could never leave you kids…. Your Mom would if I remember she would hate me if I left you guys right now."
Jessie walked in just as Jesslyn and Rick were about to head out to meet with everybody
" We're okay Jessie… we were just looking back on things and some of our favorite memories of Lesley..."
" She would've been very proud of the young women that you and Genesis have become." Jessie smiled " I owe alot of this to both of you… you guys didn't give up on me when I was going through all of these times after we lost mom. Aunt Jessie you've helped me through alot of it and I want to thank you for it… I think it's time that we get going… I don't want to miss on Dad's big surprise that our friends put together."
After the day finally ended and Jesslyn and Genesis received their diplomas a long waited surprised that was put together for Rick was waiting at Dino's when he took them out for dinner to celebrate their graduation and their early acceptance for Everglades and and Lynn university for the following fall.
Rick stood up shortly as he felt that he had to say something. " Everyone, could I have your attention for just a moment?" Rick started " I think while today was a bittersweet milestone, for me, nothing could've made me more proud than I was today when Genesis and Jesslyn were handed their diplomas. Girls today was a long tough but a good day and I know that your mother's just as proud of you as I am that you have accomplished as much as you have and you both soon already get to start college with your early acceptances. Girls I am proud of the young women that you are both becoming. Here's to my 2 beautiful daughters Genesis and Jesslyn and of course we can't forget Lesley who is forever in the hearts of everyone here and is carried with us." Rick stood proud and had his arms around each of the girls before they got back to their fun with everyone else
Rick took everyone home and soon put Riley to bed before he routinely sat down beside Lesley's urn and he spoke alittle with her before going to bed himself knowing he might end up dreaming again.
Through the first couple weeks of Summer, Rick took the girls and Riley out to the Cabin again where they went just around alittle under a month and a half ago to be close to Lesley who always loved the cabin in Aspen where he had taken her a few countless times after they had lost Laura the year before the girls were born. Naturally it took alot in Rick not to feel like he was about to lose control because thinking about those memories where they first went were painful to think of but nevertheless, Lesley would never be too far from his or anyone else's mind.
~~
" Everything is okay Lesley you're safe…. And being out here around this time of year I thought it would be a perfect time to bring you since I was finally able to bring you home." Rick smiled when going to carry Lesley inside.
" It is beautiful…." Lesley rested her head like she's always done before " I'm just glad that we're together. Maybe one day we could bring our kids up here when we have our first or so."
" I think that's a perfect idea to look into in the future after you get through what you've been through the last few weeks. We have to get you back on your feet again and keeping up on your physical therapy will do that. l'm just grateful that your injuries weren't as bad as they were." Rick kissed Lesley after they sat on the couch in the livingroom of the cabin.
" I hope we can maybe we can invite Laura and Luke and we can come out here for Christmas. What do you think?"
" Lesley there's something I think I better talk to you about and I just want you to know that I didn't want to keep this from you. I only wanted to protect you." Rick sat with Lesley on the couch
~~
Thinking of the moment he had to tell Lesley that Laura was gone broke his heart because it was the hardest thing he had to do.
" Dad, are you okay?" Jesslyn asked while she caught Rick looking out the window
" Yeah I'm okay, I was just thinking about a few times I brought your mom up out here before you and Genesis came along."
" I guess you had some good times huh?"
" Yeah we did… Jesslyn make no mistake because raising you guys it was the best years your mother and I spent doing. I'm very proud of the young woman that you became and I know your mother is too." Rick smiled and hugged Jesslyn before everyone went separate ways for the night.
Laying down was easy but for Rick it was always difficult to settle down and get sleep at night. Instead of going directly to bed Rick spent some time by the fireplace with Lesley for alittle while before he finally was able to settle and get some sleep only he knew this time he was gonna end up dreaming and he always hated to dream because Lesley was always in his dreams and it killed him each time he had to wake up.
~~
Standing a few feet as always, Rick was just about to sit by Lesley. Even though he was subconsciously aware that he was only dreaming that he was seeing Lesley.
" Even more beautiful than I thought you could be."
" I'm always with you Richard… I could never leave you. Please believe that Rick… believe it that I'm okay.." Lesley replied while she laid a hand on Rick's face.
" I've kept that in mind for a long time now… but I'm not ready to move on, nevermind let go of you. I just don't think I'll ever be ready to move on."
" You need to forgive me Rick…. You won't be able to until you do that." Lesley insisted
" I can't Lesley… I can't do that because there's nothing to forgive you for. You did nothing wrong you never could have. I love you and you alone."
" What is it Rick that you're afraid of? Why won't you even remotely admit that there is something that you can't forgive me for?" Lesley asked but before Rick could answer he was woken up abruptly like each time before.
~~~
Unable to go back to sleep Rick decided to get up and take a long walk with Lesley's urn as always so he could try to keep his head as clear minded as he thought that he'd be able to while he still felt he had his sense of control
" I wish you were here Lesley…. I don't know that I can get through all of this without you…." Rick spoke out hoping for Lesley to hear him wherever he thought she was. Not wanting to think about May 16th, he started to think more of a couple of nights after he had her started on morphine IV.
~~
" How's my favorite charming little bug…. How are you feeling?" Rick sat down by Lesley's bedside after the first nurse had just finished taking her blood pressure and everything else.
" I feel pr... pretty good…. W-why are you sm… smiling like that."
" You are the only reason I have to smile Les…. If you weren't here there wouldn't be a reason for me to be happy, much less show a smile." Rick admitted while he sat at Lesley's side just holding her hand " try to rest Sweetheart..." he added and climbed over to lay with her for awhile.
" I lo…love you Rick." Lesley whispered.
Lesley tried to stay awake for as long as she could giving that she started having more issues with her breathing and communication.
~~
Going back inside to relax was easy but to try to get some sleep for the rest of the night was another story for Rick as he was afraid that he would have another dream about Lesley again only to suddenly wake up again but for Lesley he wanted to try so when he, Riley and the girls were to get up later and get ready to leave for college, he could help the best way he could.
" I got it Daddy you just try to take an easy…." Jesslyn easily stated while reaching to take her comforter set out to the car.
" Dad, are you alright?" Genesis asked when she came downstairs with the last of her stuff.
" It's harder than it should be… just a few years ago you both were my little girls and now… you both are all grown up and you're leaving for college…" Rick answered
" Hey we won't be too far away Daddy and when we have time we'll come back and visit… you just have to promise us that you'll take care of yourself like you'll do with Riley…" Jesslyn stood with Genesis before getting ready to leave.
Everyone said their goodbyes and the girls started their drive as Rick went back in with Riley but later spent his evening in the den to himself as he always had since Lesley had been cremated and brought home..
" Lesley I don't know where I'm gonna go without you…. I pray that you can hear me or that you're watching everybody, especially…."
Lesley as always stood nearby watching Rick and later had sent her usual signs that she was there with him and that she loved him. Going back inside, Rick went to spend the rest of the day with Riley while it was just the middle of the afternoon.
" Dad i'm gonna miss them being home." Riley said while they went back inside the house
" I will too buddy but we will still have time for anything that you want to do while it's summer." Rick wrapped his arm around Riley's shoulder.
" Dad, can we go over to see mom at the Cemetery?" Riley asked
" Maybe tomorrow buddy I think for right now we should just take a regular lazy day."
" I wish Mom was here…. I miss her." Riley commented
" I do too buddy, she loved you very much." Rick hugged his son and turned on the tv to watch a movie.
Later in the night, Rick woke Riley to get him up to bed before he went to try to get some sleep himself but like any other time that there was for Rick, he had trouble with trying to get some sleep primarily as Lesley continued to come to him hoping each time that he would finally forgive him so she could rest and he would be able to heal and to maybe even move on.
" Absolutely beautiful…. You're more beautiful than I ever thought you would be." Rick commented as Lesley was standing in the distance nearby.
Lesley stood nearby and just looked up at Rick while trying to think of a way to try to get through to him about letting her go. " Rick…. You have to forgive yourself… You have to let go of this burden that you've continued to carry."
" And just how would you have forgiven yourself if things were different? Could you forgive yourself if it were you that had to live alone? Because I have to tell you Lesley it is pure hell being without you." Rick answered
" It would've been hell if it were me having to live without you Rick you know it would be. Rick I know you're in pain and you don't know where to turn but Rick you have to Let this burden go… I need you to heal and forgive me." Lesley pleaded with Rick hoping he would finally admit that he was holding something back.
" Lesley don't do this…. Don't start with this again. I have nothing to forgive you for. You held on for as long as you could and you fought like hell to try to survive and I can't hold it against you when you couldn't fight anymore. l'm just sorry that I couldn't take your place where you could have still been able to live with our kids.
" Please Rick all I want for you is to finally heal and to finally let go of the burden of thinking that you were a failure as a husband. Because Richard Webber I'm telling you that you weren't a failure. You risked your own freedom for me. We have 3 wonderful children together. Why can't you admit that I hurt you…. What are you afraid of Rick?"
Walking up like usual, Rick naturally found himself in years once again at the reality that Lesley wasn't there and he felt that he would always be alone. Rick tried again to go back to sleep in spite that Lesley would be in his dream again trying to get him to admit he was holding back with the fear that he'd lose her all over again. Rick made it a point to see Gail that following morning because he needed to find answers.
" Gail you have got to help me find answers…. I can't sleep at night without Lesley coming into my dreams every time. And believe me I love that I see her but it's the same damn story over and over."
" First, what I want you to do is breathe and take a step back… because what we have to work on is letting go of the burden of what you think you did wrong."
" Gail I had to have missed something that I could have done…. Otherwise Lesley would still be here. She would have gotten to see the girls graduate and then got to see them go off to college. Instead she's in an urn and sitting on in a memorial area. I can't even gather the courage to go back into the bedroom to sleep or to do anything because it's where..." Rick stopped talking when he started to feel like he was gonna lose his control.
" This is right where we need to work in. Rick you are carrying the burden of thinking you could have turned things around for what Lesley went through as a cancer patient when you did everything you could have to help her get through the most difficult battle of her life."
" Yeah alot of good it did." Rick commented.
" You need to admit that you did everything you could. Admit that you have something holding you back from forgiving yourself and from forgiving Lesley.."
" Not this again." Rick stood up and stood by the window.
" I truly feel that's what Lesley is trying to tell you. It's what she's trying to find from you. And until you find the courage to do it…. Lesley doesn't feel she can rest."
" I don't know that I can forgive it all Gail. Before Lesley ever came along my life was like an uphill battle between trying to survive what I indured in Africa and then dealing with Monica and her drama…. Then I met Lesley and she changed my whole life around… it was like something in me changed when I first saw her for the first time even while she was my patient. I remember when she was brought in that afternoon. I looked at her xrays and thought it was amazing that she wasn't hurt more seriously than she was." Rick took a seat back down on the chair.
~~
" 26 year old female, BP is 120/30 heart rate is 79 respiration is stable, was awake and alert on scene." Paramedic stated when bringing Lesley inside the trauma area.
" Let's get her into bay 4. I want a set of xrays… let's get tox and urinalysis as well as an abdominal and head CT" Rick requested.
" Do we have any Identification.?" Rick asked as he was checking for any spinal injuries before he removed the C-spine collar.
" Patient Name is Dr. Lesley faulkner." Nurse Adams answered " It's Dr. Faulkner…" She added
" Lesley, can you hear me? My name is Dr. Rick Webber… i'm gonna get you taken care of. Do you know where you are?" Rick asked
~~
" Lesley was so frightened at first when she was being treated…. I later thought it was because how she was maybe treated by other people so i treaded and took it slowly when I treated her so she was able to trust me."
" Rick, you and Lesley have had your fair share to problems and good times and things that you did together. You helped her work through her ordeal with what she went through with Cameron and later when she couldn't find Laura and later when you and her divorced after the mess with Monica and you both reconnected and found each other again and things from there were in a better place between you. Especially after Laura was killed and then when Lesley had the twins and later on when Riley was born." Gail said when she reached for the tissues.
" When I learned that she was pregnant with Riley you should've seen my face Jessie said I looked as surprised as I did when it was proven beyond a doubt that Alan Jr. wasn't mine." Rick started to open up more about some of his other memories.
" Gail i'm sorry I think we've gone well over the hour limit." Rick stated " Hey that's okay. You need this kind of time because you have alot to work through still and alot of things that you need to think about when it comes to what we've discussed today.
Rick thanked Gail again and went about his day to head home while he still had the week off and he decided to spend the rest of the day with Riley while he had a chance. LAter in the evening Rick and Riley watched a couple of movies and later Rick tucked Riley in for the night and later he sat with Lesley out on the porch just to think of some of the good times they shared before everything that happened with Frank smith and the mess that was created from that period.