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Twelve hours and twenty-three minutes. That was how long her mother spent breathing in the hospital. On a particularly lonely night, Rhaenyra had done the math, replaying the last words "so you say" over and over into the long evening. She hadn't done the math in so long now, nearly five months, but the night before leaving for college, Rhaenyra had laid in bed. She had all but cried herself into submission.

Rhaenyra Targaryen did not have depression. She just had bad memories in disguise as beautiful ones. Aemma Targaryen laying out pamphlets of schools on her bed, holding her hand and kissing her cheek when she was scared, telling her jokes that weren't funny but Rhaenyra would laugh anyway. She was supposed to be here. Baelon was supposed to be here. Her sacrifice should have meant something, but now all they had were the ashes of the both of them.

Rhaenyra turned on her back, staring up at her canopy, her phone in one hand. She slowly lifted it, her finger hovering over Alicent's name. Maybe they could find a way across the tempestuous waters, and maybe they'd be able to be friendly to one another, but it wouldn't happen overnight, and certainly not when Rhaenyra missed her mother.

She scrolled down, finding Daemon's instead, but she didn't want to talk to Mr. 'Heir for a Day' about anything like this. She flicked up, spotting her father's name, but that was when bitterness overpowered the sadness. She flicked up, stopping when she reached Laena Velaryan. She clicked the name.

"What's up you dirty, shameless slut," Laena's voice came from the other end, causing Rhaenyra to let out a laugh. "Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on." There were voices in the background, loud and reverberating with music that did not sound like studying, which was the last thing Laena had messaged her an hour ago.

Rhae Rhae: Wyd?

Lae lae: studying

read 9:31 pm

Rhaenyra heard the sounds of a door closing and the pandemonium grew quieter until it was just Laena on the other end. Just her and the echos of thumping music, laughter, singing and yelling, all mute with the fan of a bathroom. "You said you had a final tomorrow."

Laena snorted, "I do, but they said let's have a kickback. Just a couple people. Now I have a mosh pit in my condo." Laena was currently in college for marine biology at Boston University, mostly because she loved science, but Rhaenyra suspected she was in it for the snorkeling. "Why is your sad voice activated?"

"I was just thinking about thinking of stuff," Rhaenyra said, her voice awkward. It wasn't like she and Laena didn't get along, they were cousins after all, but they had never been close. Rhaenyra was not only older, but where she loved shopping in Paris, Laena loved skydiving and horse races.

"Ahh. Stuff huh?" Laena asked, and Rhaenyra could picture the white curls, courtesy of their Targaryen roots, messy and gorgeous. "I read about some of your stuff in the papers. Targaryens who watched Legally Blonde goes to Harvard."

"I'm not even going to Harvard," Rhaenyra said with a scowl.

"So? It's a gossip magazine. They said I was secretly a hermaphrodite. They don't fact-check anything, Rhae." There was a pause, the sound of water streaming that made Rhaenyra snort.

"Are you peeing?" By now, the jazz music had switched to piano in the background on her Alexa and it melded awkwardly with the sound of Laena's party.

"You made me break my seal," Laena whined, laughter in her voice. "Now I'm going to be peeing all night."

"Thought you had a test tomorrow," Rhaenyra scolded, but it sounded awkward coming from her, so it made both of them laugh.

"You said you were sad," Laena changed the topic, and now there was the distinct sound of hand washing as Rhaenyra was switched to speakerphone.

"You said that," she replied with a weak shrug. She was met with patient silence that made Rhaenyra sigh. "I just miss my mom."

"Do you want to come over and talk?" Laena asked carefully. "I'll send all of them home. I don't give a fuck."

Rhaenyra barely realized she was crying until the damp tears slid over the sides of her cheeks and into her ears. She let out a wet laugh, slapping her hand against her mouth. "No. Don't do that."

"I can come over there. I'll bring over Legally Blonde. Apparently, it's the story of your life," Laena suggested, and now Rhaenyra laughed whole-heartedly.

"No, I don't want to take you away from your party," Rhaenyra said, already hearing Laena open her mouth to tell her that she didn't give a fuck about her party. "I just wanted to hear your voice."

"Okay," Laena said, and the call switched to FaceTime. Rhaenyra wiped away the tears again before pressing 'accept'. Laena's face appeared on the screen, exactly as Rhaenyra had pictured it with bright white curls that framed her face like Merida from Brave. She had on fake lashes and a stunning black leather dress that hugged her like latex. "Wow. You look awful."

Rhaenyra rolled her eyes, "boo, you whore. I'm sad."

"Sure you don't want to come? I have a friend here that is so your type. Hold up," Laena opened the door to the bathroom, walking out where the sounds of the kickback grew louder. There was someone in the background playing beer pong, another drinking straight from what looked to be moonshine. "Yo! Jason, turn around and smile for the camera." The guy, Jason, had dirty blond hair and a smile that could light up the room. Rhaenyra didn't feel so much as a stir inside her, but she was beginning to think her vagina was broken.

"No thanks. He looks like a douche," Rhaenyra said dryly, watching as Laena let out a bark of a laugh.

"So it's agreed. Jason Lannister is a douche," Laena said loudly, only to be greeted with a round of cheers in agreement from her friends. "Thanks. He still thinks he has mad game, and I can't let that shit fly."

"Is he the one who is supposed to be my type?" Rhaenyra asked dryly, and Laena went to answer, but the phone was yanked from her hands by a boy with dark eyes and pale skin. He was certainly drunk or perhaps high, Rhaenyra couldn't tell.

"Yo, you're Rhaenyra Targaryen. Hey," he said, slurring his words. "Think you could set me up with Giants tickets? I hear your dad has an in."

"Only if you say Otorhinolaryngologist," she replied with a deadpan expression as the drunk man blinked at her. "Come on. With me. Otorhinolaryngologist."

"Oreorhinogynochologist," he said stumbling on his words. Rhaenyra gave a one-handed round of applause, slapping her palm against the wrist of the hand that held her phone.

"You did it, good job!" Rhaenyra barely had time to make fun of him when Laena took away the phone.

"You are terrible," Laena said with a laugh, and they both heard 'what about my tickets?' from the background.

"I am feeling a bit better," Rhaenyra said with a slight smile, her mother's words in her mind 'Laughter is the best cure'.

Laena's eyes softened, and her smile was so beautiful that it was a wonder every guy in every room didn't stumble over themselves to praise her. "Good, 'cause I'm going to mom you right now. Yours wouldn't want you laying in bed pitying yourself. You're off to Yale tomorrow you dumb slut. Your mom would want you out about the town, fucking some New York guys while you have the chance."

"My mom would want that?" Rhaenyra nearly laughed, but her smile was growing. Certainly, her father would not.

"Oh yeah, I've heard some stories. Auntie Aemma was a freak." Laena said, and Rhaenyra hated that Daemon's face had to pop in her mind right now, filling her with the presentiment of affection that wouldn't go the fuck away.

"I don't want to fuck someone random," Rhaenyra said with a groan.

"Bitch, I'll fuck you," Laena said in a tone that made Rhaenyra let out nervous laughter.

"You slut. You're my cousin."

"And? Not like I can get you preggy," Laena retorted, both brows raised. "Bitch, sex is sex. Love is love. Honestly, do whatever you want and fuck everyone else."

"You've got problems. Try therapy," Rhaenyra said weakly, but Laena only laughed, probably thinking she was hilarious. Instead, her cousin only made her own sick feelings rise in her chest until it was in her lungs and she was breathing them out.

"I'm just saying, your dad's got some hot bodyguards around you. How's Crusty Cole after you drunk assaulted him?" Laena asked, ever the one to not take anything seriously.

"Why do you call him that?" Rhaenyra whined, and watched as Laena high five some girl with a grin before her attention was back to the phone. "Also, I didn't assault him."

"That boy has an abstinence ring and a chip on his shoulder. I'd tell you to go for it, but I get a feeling he's the type that needs to be wooed and romanced," Laena warned, and Rhaenyra snorted, having never noticed the ring. It was hard to see anyone outside of her obsessions.

"I'm not interested in romancing him," Rhaenyra said, careful and toneless, as her thoughts began to spiral in a direction she didn't want them to go. Laena's smile disappeared when she noticed the conversation was upsetting her.

"Do you want me to come with you to Yale tomorrow?" Laena asked, her lips pressed tightly together.

Rhaenyra had already moved her shit to New Haven, most of it anyway, and into the loft that her father bought for her three weeks ago as a graduation gift for her undergrad in psychology. It certainly made her feel like the spoiled bitch that the press liked to call her, since no amount of charity donations and fundraisers that she organized seemed to sway the public to her side.

"No, um, that's not necessary," Rhaenyra said, hesitating to say that Daemon already agreed to drive with her for the two-hour ride to New Haven. When the feelings were only in her own damned head, it had been fine, but now people liked to speculate publically how weird it is for white people to be this close with their family. If she didn't have these thoughts, it wouldn't be a big deal. If it was just bad press, she'd make a joke of it.

But it wasn't. The feelings, while unwanted, existed and she didn't want to make a joke about them.

"Okay. I like long drives myself. Makes it easier to relax," Laena told her, lips pursed in thought. "Listen, I know things between you and Ali aren't great, but I also know that you two had so much love between you. It might make you feel lonely and like you have no one to talk to."

"So call you more often?" Rhaenyra finished, a small smile now forcing its way through her mask.

Laena laughed, "Oh god no. I was gonna say make amends with her so she can have you for your sad times while I get fun Rhae Rhae and her shower thoughts."

Rhaenyra let out a genuine laugh, the first one she had sober in what felt like forever.

Laena's eyes crinkled, and her lips spread. "I'm serious though. Anytime. Sad Rhae or drunk Rhae or thirsty Rhae, I want to hear from all of her. That girl rocks."

"Bruh, get off the phone already. You said you can do a handstand," screamed the voice of Jason Lannister in the background.

"Bitch, I will cut you," Laena screamed right back.

"Okay, happy Rhae is getting off the phone now," Rhaenyra said with another laugh, watching Laena grin at her. It was truly a gift that Laena had to be able to make someone cheer up so quickly and she was saving it for the fish.

"Alright, alright, but come down to Boston soon. I'll get you wined and dined and maybe laid, who knows the order," Laena said, and Rhaenyra wondered how broken she truly was if she actually considered the thought of fucking her own cousin. She shook away the contemplations, and they dissipated like seafoam.

"Kay," Rhaenyra said with another genuine smile. "I'll talk to you later."

"Later babe. Rub one out for women everywhere!" Laena suggested, and the call ended, leaving Rhaenyra staring at herself, reflecting back at her through the black screen of her iPhone. She frowned, watching herself for a moment in the silence.

She squeezed her eyes shut, the loneliness creeping in, but this time it morphed into a longing desire that she had no idea what to do with. She pressed the side button of her phone, the clock reading 10:32 before her Face ID lead her to her contacts. She scrolled up, finding his name that simply read 'DaeDaddy' curtsey of bigggfudgeyas on Twitter.

"Fuck my life," Rhaenyra muttered, clicking his name with a drumming heartbeat.

It rang once, twice, thrice, and on the fourth, she heard it stop, heard him, and her stomach did flips. "Rhaenyra, you alright?"

She hated how much power his voice alone had on her. It shouldn't have made her so weak, so absolutely aroused, and delusional to think that this was ever a good idea. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just-" Rhaenyra paused, unable to think of how to finish her sentence.

"You just?" Daemon had a smile in his voice, one that softened her until she was impatiently rubbing one leg against the other.

"I guess I'm nervous," Rhaenyra said, leaving out that he didn't make it better, he made her nervous for new, terrible reasons. "What if I am no good?"

"Ahh," he whispered, and somehow that sound made her eyes flutter shut, her heart beating so loudly that she could barely hear him. "And none of this could have waited til tomorrow?"

Rhaenyra smiled, eyes still closed. "I guess not. I wanted to hear you."

She heard his deep breath, the sound from his nostrils, and she wondered if she was annoying him. It didn't seem to matter, didn't seem to stop the heat that merely his voice could erupt from her. How was she supposed to do a car ride with him?

Her hand was resting atop her belly, fingers stroking back and forth along the smooth skin, skimming along her ribcages and hiking her silk top further up, then allowing it to drag back down. "Haven't you heard enough of me by now?" Daemon asked carefully, his deep voice making her smile. How she wished she had, but alas, she truly was hopeless.

"I spoke to Laena first," Rhaenyra admitted, skimming lower, brushing along the waistband of her pants. "She offered profound advice."

"Did she?" Daemon let out a laugh, low and deep and hers. It vibrates straight to her core, maybe deeper than that to a place she didn't know how to reach on her own. Rhaenyra's fingers brushed just barely, just a tad beneath her waistband. She let out a shaky sigh, her head foggy. "I very much doubt that."

"You're crazy if you think I'm not going to tell her any of your shit talk," Rhaenyra said, still smiling, her body lax in a way that it never could be when he was here. She took another shaky breath, the tension drifting away and replaced. Her hand slipped into her pants, the cool silk sliding over her forearm, dragging down until her brows were drawn together.

"Forgive me for not being afraid," Daemon said dryly, unworried. Rhaenyra bit her lip, her fingers skimming over her panties, not going underneath. Somehow, that made it alright. She wasn't doing anything wrong. She wanted to cry and destroy her goddamned room. She wanted to scream. She wanted to crawl to him on her hands and knees and beg him to make it go away.

Her fingers began making light swirls, around and around and around. "You should be," she said, surprised by how even she could make her voice. It must have been the years of hiding, of suppressing, that made it so she could suppress this too. "Laena doesn't much care for you as is."

"Can't imagine why," Daemon said, alluding to the feud between the two when he spurned her father and bought that airline out from under them. Renamed it Caraxes and now it was one of the most popular airlines in the world.

"It's just not turning out how I thought," Rhaenyra forced out, the sparks of pleasure buzzing through her, melded into the forbidden touch that somehow made it even better with his voice. She let out a small breath, a huff of air.

"What are you doing?" Daemon asked slowly, as she swirled and pressed in motions that made her dizzy.

"Just some federal law readings. I want to memorize as much as I can," she said evenly, even as she spread her legs wider. It wasn't exactly a lie, she usually listened to audiobooks on criminal law when she wasn't touching herself to his voice.

"I can't take the place of your mum tomorrow," he said, and fuck if that didn't kill the mood just a bit. She shook her head, trying to forget that comparison. "But I'll be with you every step of the way."

She was close, rubbing her clit faster, her lips opening and her hips lifting off the bed just a centimeter before it fell back against the mattress. "I know. We always have fun, don't we?" Her voice came out breathless, but she didn't care about anything right now. It was sick and wrong, but nothing had ever felt better.

"Despite the talks you've had?" Daemon asked, and she could hear his smile. "'Don't end up like your uncle' ring any bells?"

Rhaenyra let out a breathless laugh, biting her bottom lip as her fingers made swirling motions around her clit from just above the thin silk panties. She gulped, but managed to say, "Well maybe you should try to be a better influence."

"Sure, sure, you heathen. Don't blame your choices on me," he told her, and her heart swelled, battling with the closeness of him. She wanted him to touch her, for it to be his hands on her, but that was impossible, so she'd steal these moments. "I seem to recall word of some unsavory photos of you taking amateur pole dancing classes."

"Amateur?" Rhaenyra let out a breathy laugh, her brows drawing together as her hips thrust forward. "I assure you uncle, I am no amateur."

There was silence on the other end, a long one at that, but it was followed by a deep chuckle that finished her. "My little dragon, always taking the joke one step too far."

And then he hung up on her.

─────‒~❉᯽❉~‒─────

So that happened, Rhaenyra thought to herself when she awoke the next morning. She thought it again when she showered and when she pointedly kept her hands off herself in said shower. She thought it again when she put on her eyeliner, trying to doll herself up for an uncle she touched herself to. Her liner swiped too far, uneven, and smeared when she blinked.

Rhaenyra let out a scream, tossing it across the room where it hit the window opposite her canopy. She rested her head into the crook of her arm and screamed again, only to look up and see she smeared her liner worse than before. Her bottom lip trembled, her nails scraping against her face as she thought, I look like Sweeny Todd.

She grabbed a Q-tib, dabbed it in makeup remover, and went scrubadubdub on her face. She wasn't moving her furniture out, since her dad was the one who said to just buy new shit. This would be her NYC penthouse, so she really was that bougie.

However, there were some stuff she did not want to buy doubles of, so her room was mostly empty of accessories, apart from clothes and shoes she scarcely wore. Packed were the gifts from the uncle she was infatuated by, apart from the one dangling around her neck and in between her breasts. She took a calming sigh, holding onto the pendant for dear life as she attempted to calm her tits and find her liner that she threw across the room.

And so, with only one eye in full makeup with lash extensions that made her at least feel a bit better about herself, she stood from her vanity. She walked past her canopy and white duvet sheets, passed the chest at the foot of her bed, and went looking for her liner near the white curtains and golden tassels. She lifted them, finding no liner underneath the material. Her lips thinned in a frustrated smile as she got on her hands and knees, searching under her bed where it might have rolled. She saw nothing but darkness, she grabbed her phone that rested atop her bed and bent back down with the flashlight on.

And there it was, rolled underneath just barely out of her reach. "Fuck me," she muttered, trying to use her phone for some extra centimeters in order to roll the liner towards her. By now, half her body was under her bed, but that was all that would fit, reminding her that her squats were in fact working and by next year, she'd have a Kardashian ass.

She was moments from reaching it when a face suddenly appeared under her bed with a, "what are you doing?" Rhaenyra let out a screech so loud that civilians somewhere on the streets of NYC had to have heard and ignored since this was New York.

She slammed her back into the bed, hitting steel and wood as she shimmied out from under it and hit her head on the way out. She stood, her top practically hanging over her shoulder since she had been wearing an over the shoulder blouse, her skirt half up her waist since it dragged up in her war with her liner.

And Daemon Targaryen had stood up straight too, his eyes having done a once over of her disheveled figure before he broke out in laughter. She tossed her phone at his head and said, "what the fuck is wrong with you?"

He ducked, impressively enough, and her phone hit the canopy's hanging cloth, falling down where he caught it. Rhaenyra bent down, holding her knees as her heart continued to pound out her ears, and for once not out of twisted lust. Hard to feel horny when one bruises their back, ass, head, and dignity.

Daemon had already walked around the bed, placing a hand on her back and rubbing calming circles just on her spine with only the thin white blouse restricting the skin on skin contact. Hello darkness, my old friend, Rhaenyra thought with a groan as stood up straight and slapped his hand away. "You must have a key. You made a copy. You had to have," she said pointing at him, and to his credit, he looked unphased as he leaned against the canopy pillar, intricate gold vines swirling the wood.

Her mother had carved it into the wood herself, and Rhaenyra could hardly bare to part with it, but it wouldn't fit in her place in New Haven.

"You didn't lock your door," Daemon said, his head tilting until it rested against the wood and he stared down at her. She felt her anger drift away, leaving her with the memory of last night.

"You have a key," Rhaenyra did not back down, taking a step forward. "Empty your pockets."

"You're being ridiculous. I knocked," Daemon told her, noticing she was holding the opened liner in her hand and now there was a black line across her palm. "Trouble this morning?"

Rhaenyra remembered the state of her makeup and felt complete mortification rise in her throat. She walked past him, arm brushing against his as she did and sat back at her vanity. She began to reapply primer and shadow to match her left. "Why are you here early?"

"I'm not," Daemon told her, sitting. On her bed. Where she had touched herself, and to his voice. Her hand was trembling, a mixture of so many emotions that she couldn't deal with any single one of them. She lifted her the shadow brush to her eye and blended in the gold. "I'm actually thirty minutes late. What's your excuse?"

"Kiss my ass," she retorted, blending in circles. She finally lifted the liner back up again, but by now she couldn't keep her hand steady. She scowled at it using her other to wrap around her wrist as more emotions raised in her until she was trembling and confused. And honestly, fuck Daemon, Rhaenyra thought.

She heard him approach, his slow steps as he leaned one hip against her vanity. "You really are shaking," he said with a laugh. "I couldn't have scared you that much, you ninny."

"You're a ninny," she muttered, pointedly not looking at him as she attempted again to steady her hand to no avail now that he was right here.

"Come on, I don't want to spend my morning waiting for you," Daemon said, grabbing the liner from her hand and she felt like he was trying to kill her when he gently gripped her chin. His body bent forward, towering over her as he fully faced her. She went limp, her eyes wide as his hands rested against her face.

"What are you doing?" Rhaenyra was going to fucking die. She couldn't breath. She'd be placed in an urn, becoming scattered ashes near her mother and brother and that would be the end of it.

"Close your eyes," he whispered, breath against her lips and her eyes fluttered shut. His hand went from gripping her chin to cupping it. His warm fingers were against her cheek, cradling it like it was something precious as she felt the first press of felt against her lid. She was barely breathing, too afraid that if she inhaled his scent, his disarming presence, she would lose control.

The liner went on quick, his hand pressed against her cheek still when he pulled away. There and gone. "Can I open my eyes now?" Rhaenyra asked, attempting to keep her voice light.

"Beautiful," he said in Valyrian, but when her eyes opened, he had already turned away, inspecting her hanging polaroids that were up against her mirror. It was as if none of it phased him in the slightest, but she still couldn't breathe.

"Daemon," she said, now turning back towards the mirror, wondering how, again, she was going to do this car ride. She wanted him to fuck her against every surface in this room. She wanted to join a church. She wanted to go to confession, but likely, she'd want him to fuck her in the confession box too.

If she was going to sin, go big or go home.

Stop it, she told herself, as if she'd listen to her.

"Hmm?" Daemon asked, his fingers skimming down polaroids of her and her friends, of her and Alicent that she still couldn't remove, of her and her dad, her and her mum at the beach, but not a single one of her and him.

She wondered if he noticed. No, those were in her naughty box.

"You never emptied your pockets," she told him, glancing up at him whilst she applied her lip liner. She was still unsteady, but the nerves were slowly settling as she made a smooth line to emphasize the fullness of her lips.

Daemon turned his gaze to her through the mirror, looking ever the dark prince and one who wanted to eat her up at that. He looked away before her delusional mind could fantasize, seeing whatever she wanted in nothing at all. "Why don't you empty them if you're so curious?" Daemon, ever the quick wit, made her scowl because fuck if she didn't want to. She wanted to touch every part of him, but she wouldn't stop with a frisk.

She carefully applied her nude lipstick, puckering them with a small sound before she placed the remainder of her makeup back into her bag before standing. "You enjoy tormenting me, don't you?" Rhaenyra asked, one hand on the desk near him, one hand at her side. He glanced down at it, gaze slow in its appraisal back up.

She reminded herself that he'd look at a dog this way. The man was a shameless flirt who bat his eyes at anything that moved. She meant nothing, at least, not in any way that she wanted to mean. Words, even ones she told herself, were so cheap when he was around.

His hand brushed against hers, the backs of his knuckles dragging against hers, sliding up her arm before stopping. His lidded eyes were heavy as he looked down at her, but then he only smirked, as if he saw right through her and was unimpressed. "Meet me downstairs once you're done, niece."

And he slipped out of the room where she hunched over her desk, elbows against the wood and hands tangled in her hair. She wanted to break the mirror, break it until it resembled how he made her feel in every moment he was near.

But Rhaenyra Targaryen was stronger than that, and she had a law degree to get. Her uncle had already taken every bit of her sanity from her, but she wouldn't let him ruin that too. So, she stood back up, brushed back her hair, and grabbed her bags to finish off her large suitcase. It was all there was left, so she took it with her.

Rhaenyra sent a silent prayer to gods she wasn't certain existed, to give her back her sanity before she threw it away. But, of course, there he was at the base of the stairs, the light hitting him just right to illuminate the silver of his hair. His back was up against the entry pillar, one leg over the other as he leaned into it. He was texting, likely one of the lucky girls in his phone, and Rhaenyra was fucking doomed.

But, she straightened her back and forced herself down. One step at a time.