This story was inspired by people often presenting me with scenarios like "if [thing that'd suddenly ruin looks one day] happened to you, what would you do?". I figured it'd be interesting to explore this via Ann. This is NOT the story I've been talking about writing recently. That's still in the works, and is something I'm working really hard on making into something truly special.
In the meantime, enjoy this. This is short and to the point, and it's pretty simplistic, but I think it gives a good summation of my general thoughts on the matter. I could've made this a lot longer and more complex, but I've got a lot of other projects going on, so this was just something to keep me going until then.
[ POV - Ann ]
Rika Takaba—had been an utterly beautiful girl.
A up-and-coming model that recently joined our agency. I first met her around six months ago—At the time, she was nothing more than someone chasing her inspiration.
When she approached me that day, and told me that she was a fan of my modelling—practically breaking down into tears at having the opportunity to meet me in person—I couldn't have been more touched.
Her story of hardship—of overcoming bullying at the hands of her school friends, was something I related to. And on that day, I imparted what I hoped would be encouragement; a guiding ray of light that would lead that girl towards her destiny, as a beautiful model.
That was what I had hoped—and when I heard that she was going to be joining our agency, that hope seemed to have become a reality.
At first I hadn't recognised her. When she had bumped into me, and I had asked her who she was—She just smiled at me, and told me,
"Don't you recognise me?"
I had blinked at her, in bewilderment.
"Huh?"
"H-Haha…Well, I guess it was a while ago, so…"
"W-Wait, you're…"
I had suddenly recalled the encounter with the happy-go-lucky fan.
That girl who I had inspired.
"R-Rika…?"
The girl grins at me.
"Oh, wow, you do remember!"
That's right—How could I forget an encounter like that? It's not like I run into fans every day—or hell, basically never…
And this girl's beauty—when I had met her on that day, it had really struck me how pretty she was. It was so natural that it somehow managed to put my heart at ease.
"Holy crap, you…you weren't kidding about getting into modelling, were you? That was only a few months back, you were saying that."
"Well, why wait on your dreams?" an enthusiastic Rika had replied, "I happened to get scouted, and, well, here I am! Can you believe it?"
"H-Haha, actually, I kinda can. I mean, you sure as pretty enough for it, you know?"
Rika had flushed pink, rubbing the back of her neck.
"H-Haha, c-come on…I'm hardly on a level where you, of all people, should be saying that to me…"
"Don't be like that, Rika," I replied, with a smile, "as long as you have the motivation to get there…that's all that matters!"
…
It had been going in such a positive direction…
But that was all burned away—on the day when that piece of shit decided to ruin Rika's entire life.
It had been a quiet day—I wasn't actually there, when it happened, but I had heard the second hand reports. A girl had approached her while she was leaving from a photoshoot.
It was your typical, horrific acid attack—A masked attacker, a bottle full of acid, and…one very, very disgusting individual, who would dare throw it all over the face of a beauty like Rika. Every day since then I've been thankful that I wasn't there to see it. Just imagining Rika's screams of torment as the acid splattered all over her face makes me tear up.
Rika had spent the next handful of months in hospital, recovering—Her injuries, her acid scars, pained her at first, but eventually that had stopped. I had visited her a number of times…and on a few occasions, some of my other friends went with me.
Eventually, they caught the girl who had done it to Rika. As it turns out, she was some fat, ugly bitch who had always bullied Rika at school. She was apparently bitter and jealous of Rika—and after Rika had managed to gain work as a model, and began to appear in fashion magazines, that anger had boiled into down and out psychotic rage.
That's why Rika was attacked.
Because some stupid, ugly, fat little bitch couldn't cope—she couldn't cope with beauty existing, so she had to destroy it.
She had to destroy beauty, to feel better about herself.
…
Anyway…It's been months now. Rika is finally out of the hospital, and…well, no one seems to have been able to get into much contact with her.
She's gone in relative hiding it seems. That's why I was surprised when I got that text from her, telling me that she wanted to talk to me at her apartment.
That's why I'm here, right now—standing in the living room of Rika's place…
"A…Ann-chan…T-Thank you for coming…"
Rika seems ashamed to just be seen. As she awkwardly sits onto her sofa, she squeezes her arm, and angles her headwards.
"No prob, Rika," I reply, while awkwardly sitting myself down next to her, "it's good to see you. No one's been able to get in contact for a while, you know…?"
"…I-I don't want anyone to see me…" Rika replies, "not when I…look like this…"
"…Oh, Rika …"
I can't stand seeing her like this…That horrid face, with those horrific deformities…She looks awful. Her entire face is ruined; she looks like a nonhuman and atypical now.
Sure, she's still got her basic figure intact, but it's useless when there's such a glaring flaw sitting right there on her face. She can never be "perfect" now—and without that perfect beauty, she has gone from someone with value, to someone who is utterly useless.
It's so sad—None of this is her fault, and yet…Now she's wrong.
That bitch…turned her into a nonhuman thing.
"Do…the deformities hurt…?" I ask Rika.
Rika shakes her head.
"No, not anymore, anyway…" she says, "it's…just an aesthetic problem now, I guess, but even so…E-Every time I look in a mirror, I…"
"I'm so sorry…I'm sorry what you've gone through, it's not fair on you…"
"I-I've been scared to go outside…" she tells me, "I-…I feel so ashamed…s-so ashamed of my face…"
I close my eyes, and begin to think of her horrific circumstances. The poor girl—To be robbed so cruelly of her worth, to be turned into a…completely nothing.
"The agency dumped you after it happened, right?" I ask to Rika.
"W-Well, they didn't dump me…" Rika replies, with a shake of her head, "they kinda just…amicably let go of me. They gave me compensation, and everything…and paid for my hospital bill, too."
Which is industry speak for 'you're no use to us now, so we'll pay you off, and then turn our backs on you'. It isn't as though they had much other choice. They're not dense enough to know that just coming out with 'we're firing the girl who got acid thrown in her face because she's not good-looking anymore' will go over like a lead balloon, so they pretend that it's for the interest of the model herself.
Not that I particularly care. In my opinion, the agency did exactly what they should have. Rika is utterly useless now to them.
"It was for the best, anyway," Rika continues, "I want to just…stay away from the public light. It's too shameful."
"Well, that's kinda how it goes you know?"
"I-I know…"
It's true—Although public opinion was split, there were a large amount of her fans who thought that she was still as beautiful as ever, and that she should return to the modelling world. Which sickens me, to be honest. She is not beautiful—not anymore. Although, I don't blame her for that. No, not at all. That's what frustrates me so much, though.
That…that ugly skank robbed my friend of her value. And worse yet, the world was encouraging her to live with the pain of ugliness that that piece of shit has inflicted onto her.
It's truly heart-breaking on all accounts.
"I…-"
Rika puts her hands to her face and begins to sob.
"O-Oh, Ann-chan…W-What…w-what do I…do…?"
I shuffle in closer to her, and wrap my arm around her. I pull her into a side-hug. She leans on me a little bit.
"You don't let that bitch win, is what."
"D-Don't let her win…"
"She thinks he can curse you to a life of misery, so…"
I pull back from her, and turn to face her. I hold out my hands, and gently grab hers into my own.
"Don't give in to it," I continue, with a warm smile, "don't give in to a life of misery and pain…"
Rika looks like she can't bring herself to look me in the eyes.
"A-Ann-chan…"
Hell, I can just about look at her. Somehow I'm pushing through the nausea of her horrific face, by just…focusing on the image in my head of the utterly beautiful face that it had once been. Unfortunately, the reality was still right there before me, though…
After a few seconds, I can't continue looking. I end up closing my eyes.
"Rika, I'm glad that I was able to inspire you for so long…I'm glad that you took such inspiration from me, and that I encouraged you to want to be as beautiful as me…And I'm so, so sorry that some…vile little bitch has ruined all of that for you now."
Rika's eyes widen slightly.
"R-…Ruined…?"
I shake my head, and turn my body away from her. I look at the wall, which has photos of the old Rika—the beautiful Rika. The Rika who had actual value.
"You had the chance to be as beautiful as me, but now you never can be."
Without looking in her direction, I put a hand onto her knee.
"That horrible person has forced you to turned into a…worthless meatshell, who can only ever chase after an impossible dream."
Although I can't see Rika, I can sense that my point is digging into her.
I must sound rather…blunt right now. But this is for her own good—I just legitimately want to help her. I don't want her to struggle to chase after beauty she can never obtain anymore.
I don't want this girl I had once inspired, to continue to take some sort of…false inspiration that she can never live up to.
"A-Ann-chan…A-Am I…r-really worthless now…?"
Rika's question is enough to break my heart.
How sad that she has to ask such a thing—That she's been forced to turn into this, by that girl…
"…I'm sorry, Rika," I reply, with a sad sigh, "but…you had your worth robbed from you. It's unfair, sure, but that's the truth. If I were you, I wouldn't try and run away from that…"
I hear Rika sob. Jeez, this is too much…
The poor girl…
"Y-You…have been my reason for living, Ann-chan…" she sobs out, "you…and your beauty…I-It's been like my guiding light…"
…
I know how much Rika cherishes me. Since the first time when we met and nothing but strangers, and she asked me for an autograph. I still remember how shocked I was at the time—But her words to me, her story, about how she wanted to become a beautiful model like me, really warmed my heart.
She had been the victim of slut-shaming, and bullying by other girls at her school. I could sympathise with her so much—about her desire to escape all of that, by getting up there and showing herself that she can have confidence in her genuine beauty.
She was so pretty—she had what it took.
And I was so pleased for her when I found out that she was going to be joining our agency.
But now…
"…Rika…"
I turn to look at her for a moment, and then grimace, before turning away again.
Now look at what she is.
She's…worthless.
No, not just worthless. She's hideous. She's…a hideous mistaken existence, someone who doesn't deserve breathe in their lungs. Even if by some miracle she can draw attention away from her face, and become something…decent, she's still never going to reach beauty like I have.
That dream was shattered to pieces on the day of that attack. All because some bitch couldn't control herself…
"You cannot be as beautiful as me anymore, Rika," I blunt say—My words might seem cruel, but I'm saying them from a place of genuine care and love. Rika is a friend—a friend I want to help. "Your dream is dead. And…I'll be damned if I'm going to let you just struggle through life with no beauty, like that bitch wants!"
Yes…
That's what she wants. She wants her to struggle.
She wants her to live her life, as someone as ugly, as putrid as she is.
That's why she did this to her.
But I won't let that happen! I'm not going to let that bitch get her way!
"W…What should I do, Ann-chan…?" Rika asks me, "I…I mean, becoming a model was always my entire reason for living…And when I first met you, you…gave me hope in me reaching towards that goal…"
On the day when I first met Rika, I remember giving her words of encouragement. I told her that she could definitely use her beauty to make the world a better place; I told her to never give in, so long as she understood that she housed genuine physical beauty.
To never, ever, give in to the women, or the men, who wanted to hurt her…
But now one has hurt her—and hurt her to the point where she's a dead woman walking.
"…Is modelling your reason for living…?"
Rika nods.
"It always has been…"
"And…you know that you can NEVER be as beautiful as me anymore…?"
"…I-I guess…so…"
Rika's voice breaks, and tears leak from her eyes, down her hideous face.
"Then..." I begin, while reaching into my bag, which is sat just next to me, "there's…only one thing you CAN do, Rika…"
I pull out a gun—the one that I had prepared before this visit, out of pure instinct. As soon as Rika sees it, her eyes go unnaturally wide, and she lets out a gasp.
"I-Is that…-where the hell did you get that…?!"
It's true that it's hard for average civilians to get firearms in this country. Doubly so, if you're a teenager. However, I have my sources—let's just say it's an…element of my 'other life', as it were. Either way, I look down at the gun in my hand.
"Forget that, Rika…"
I turn to look at her, with a pitiful expression.
"The important thing is…that this is the only way you can escape the fate given to you by that bitch."
"…A-Are you…s-seriously saying I should—"
Instead of answering her, I simply shove the gun into her hands—
"Take it," I tell her, "take it, and end this. Put yourself out of your misery."
Rika seems shellshocked for a moment. However, eventually, she just takes the gun into her trembling hands. She looks down at it, and strokes a hand over it, as though bewildered by it's mere existence.
"W-Why do you…carry this with you…?"
"…Self-protection…"
That's a lie.
In truth, I had actually been expecting my visit to go in this direction.
Ever since I had seen Rika in hospital, and seen exactly how badly the acid attack had messed her face up…helping her to commit suicide had been in mind.
I want to help her by doing this for her.
"Anyway, Rika…I think you shouldn't let the person who did this to you have her own way, you know…?"
I put a hand onto Rika's shoulder, as she still gawks down at the gun in her hands.
"She wants to subject you to living like she does—as an ugly piece of waste. But you're…so much more than that. Or, at least…you should have been…"
I give her shoulder a squeeze.
"But now you never can be. Now, you're useless. Now you're not anywhere near my beauty that you wished for. So…to really show that girl that you won't fall victim to her hideous attack, you should…end it all."
Tears leak from Rika's eyes, and fall down onto the gun—She clenches her eyes shut.
"I-I…I…"
"It's okay, Rika…I'm your friend, okay?"
I pull a tissue from out my pocket, and use it to dab tears from her cheek. As I do so, I somewhat grimace. After all, her face is really awful now—basically every part of it is fucked up beyond belief.
Even so…
"I'll be with you through this, so don't worry…"
…
Eventually, Rika seems to realise she has no other choose. It takes some time for her to settle her mind down into the idea, though. I just hold her hand, while she quietly deals with overcoming her natural resistance to killing herself.
It must be a pretty big deal, from her point of view.
That said, before long, Rika has the barrel of the gun I had given her pressed to her temple. Me and her are facing each other on the sofa, our right legs dangling awkwardly off of it. With her free hand held in my own, I smile gently at her.
"Before you go, Rika…" I begin, as the girl in front of me leaks tears continuously from her eyes, "I want you know that it was a honour inspiring you, back when you had value. And…it's an honour to be here as your beacon of guidance, for what to do when you now don't."
Despite her emotional stress, that is written all over her face, Rika seems to be somewhat at peace as well. She eyes alight with admiration, and her lips tug into a sincere, if deeply broken, smile.
"T-Thank you..Ann-chan…"
I close my eyes—and await for the enviable gunshot.
…
It doesn't happen.
I open my eyes again, and notice that Rika seems hesitant.
"Rika…Please be strong, okay? Understand what you need to do…"
"I-I know, but…"
I shake my head.
"Rika, you're useless now," I bluntly tell her, "you…you need to die. I'm sorry, but you need to, okay?"
"…C-Can I…not have ANY worth, looking like this…?"
"No."
…
My blunt response seems to be something of a emotional punch to her. She closes her eyes, as more tears leak from them. The hand pressing the barrel to her temple shakes, and her finger inches closer to the trigger.
"I-I'm sorry, Ann-chan…" she softly says, "I-I'm sorry that I…b-betrayed your beauty…T-That I can no longer be as beautiful as you…"
…
Oh, Rika…
"Rika…"
I gently squeeze her hand.
"Apology accepted, okay? Now do it…for me, yeah…?"
Rika weakly nods her head.
"G-Goodbye, Ann-chan…and thank you for everything…"
I close my eyes once more—And, after around five seconds of waiting…
*BANG*
An air-piercing gunshot sounds out. It's so close, and so loud, that I instinctively leap fall back a little, my eyes shooting open.
My eyes open in time to see Rika's now lifeless body flop backwards, dangling over the armrest of the sofa, while her arm with the gun in it, flops over the edge. The gun hangs from her hand, threatening to fall onto the ground, but still being just about clung to by Rika's lifeless fingers.
As I watch, blood begins to form on the armrest of the sofa, staining it red.
…
"Rika…"
I close my eyes, as a tear leaks from it.
Even ideal as this outcome was in the circumstances—it didn't have to be this way at all.
If only that ugly, jealous bitch hadn't decided to rob Rika of her beauty—and if only Rika could have kept the beauty she was destined to have…
I stand up, sling my bag over my shoulder, and rub at my eyes.
"(Augh, I can't believe this has happened…Poor Rika. I'm so sorry…)"
I let out a sigh. I walk over towards her corpse, and kneel down next to the sofa. I reach up to her face, and gently touch at her deformities, tear-stained face with my hand.
"You poor girl…Having to die a worthless, ugly goblin…"
I figure it best to leave pretty quickly, least I leave some sort of evidence trail at what was now bound to be a crime scene. It was pretty obviously a suicide, sure, but I didn't want to risk getting involved somehow, and having people know I prompted her into it. It's not like the law would understand that what I did was morally correct, after all.
"…"
As I go to leave, however, I turn back to Rika's now lifeless corpse. I look at her, sadly—at her hideous face, the reason for her ending her own life.
"(I hope that in some other life, you've been turned back to being beautiful. I truly do, Rika…)"
…
And, then, with that, I leave the apartment…