CHAPTER TWO
Feeble
On my way up to his room, I could hear him and Emma talking, I couldn't see them, but I could picture them in my mind, the weak Emma resting her head on Edward's chest, while he wrapped his arm around her.
"And what happened when you met Aro," Edward asked intrigued, either because Emma was successfully blocking him again or he was just being a gentleman, giving her a chance to tell her own story.
"I basically told him that the vampire world wasn't meant for me, and asked him to end my suffering. When he reached out to touch me, I thought that was the way he would kill me, I waited for the pain, for death, but nothing happened, he just smiled, and gave me a nonsense speech about how he would not want to risk his relationship with Carlisle by having me killed.
"Later I realized that the real reason for sparing me was because of my gift. He was fascinated by the potential of what I could show him. I was considered valuable, he would never be deluded or tricked when he had me. So he offered me a deal, that I knew for sure I won't be allowed to refuse, not fearing death, after all, death was what I came for. I feared being held captive, for the benefits of my gift, where no one would care about my suffering, or the amount of pain I endure, so I accepted," Emma said dryly letting out a frustrated sigh.
"What was the deal?"
"Alec was the deal, 'he would cut off all your senses, you would be like a zombie,' she uttered sarcastically imitating Aro's voice.
"I was always numb, I felt nothing, and that was pretty close to what I was asking for. I was only allowed to be sober, for my Aro sessions every morning, where he got a preview of the day ahead, in return I was provided blood on regular basis, always just enough to get me going, but never enough to give me strength," Emma continued with pain reflected in her tone.
"Everything changed for me when you appeared in my vision, it was the unfortunate day you came to the volturi asking for death. Just seeing your face again, made me realize how big of a mistake it was leaving you, Carlisle and Esme, how much I missed being aware, how much I missed feeling something, anything, seeing you brought me back to life even though I was technically dead," she added with a faint laugh.
"I could see that Aro won't grant your wish - again for the sake of your gift of course - but I was still worried, you looked so determined in the vision, I got scared that you might do something beyond the volturi. I wanted to see you, talk to you, know the reasons behind your suicide decision, try to convince you not to do it; I was going out of my mind. After a hundred years of oblivion, floods of chaotic feelings were racing inside me. Aro saw it all through my thoughts, and asked Alec to take me away. I begged both of them to leave me conscious just for that day, but of course they didn't accept.
"Instead, Aro used Alec's daunting power in the most twisted way he could. He tranced me in a loop of my worst nightmares and left me in my room to suffer. He wanted me out of his hair and this was his sick way to ensure it. It was the longest night of my existence, I struggled with so many fears but not knowing what happened to you was the real horror. I waited for the morning with bated breath, for Aro's regular morning session, for him to left Alec Spell, but he never asked for me. It was the first day in a hundred years that he didn't see his future through me, and that drove me crazy. I did not know what to do, or what to think, and even though I battled with my worst feelings all night, the desperation I felt at that moment was far more tormenting than anything I have ever felt. When I thought all hope was lost, I heard your voice echoing through the volturi castle walls. Ecstasy overpowered all the feelings I was looped into, I was so happy you were safe. I gathered all the strength I had and followed your voice. There were no guards outside my room, no guards in the hallways; the volturi headquarters was practically empty, except for the main room. You were the center of attraction that day, everyone gathered there to watch the show, the show that starred you. By a miracle I managed to sneak into the main room, it was the first time I saw you since I left, the first time I saw Bella and Alice too.
"I was amazed by the love you and Bella share, I wasn't shocked by it, like everyone else. You had to fall in love with a human Edward; you resented the vampire world too much to fall in love with one. She had to be human that was the only way it could work for you.
"Despite of the volatility of the situation that day I was strangely calm, I was certain fate won't let anything hurt you. I also got to know Aro too well over the years, I know how fascinated he gets by anything new, and how he likes to step back and watch how it plays out. He never rushed any decision, because he knows he has the power to finish any situation when he wants to. So it was no surprise to me when Aro let you all go, the surprise was the feeling I had. I felt I should go too, I belong to the family and I should not be left behind.
"Because of Alice, Aro completely ignored me, he was so impressed by her talent that he lost interest in mine, why waste his time with me when he could get to the main event with her. I brainstormed a hundred plans to leave, but I never had the courage to try any of them. Fighting my way out was never an option, I was terrified by the idea of fighting Demetri and Felix, cause this time I didn't want to die.
"One day the whole place was empty, I could have just walked through the main door, and I just did. I didn't know at that time what was going on, but I felt it was something huge. I just took my chance and left. Soon after, I knew it was the day they all went for you, the news about the confrontation between you two were spreading like wildfire.
"Aro hated being blind on his big day with you, he planned it for way too long and was confident he closed all the gaps, he would finish you and the rest of the family and get to keep Alice as a trophy. On his way back I was the only one on his mind, if he had seen the day through me, he would have been better prepared and the day would have worked out just the way he wanted, there wouldn't have been any surprises. I was precious to him again and when he didn't find me, he went ballistic. Demetri and Felix were assigned to find me; they tore Italy apart searching for me. I have been on the run ever since, it was always too close, but miraculously I always found a way out.
"It was a tough year, I really didn't want to risk putting you and the rest of the family in danger by coming here, but I had really hit rock bottom, I have nowhere else to go. I'm really tired Edward, I don't have the strength to keep up with this anymore. I just want to put my head down, I want to feel safe even for a little while." Emma was wailing going through her painful story, and with her low delicate voice, she could break hearts even in heartless vampires.
"You don't have to worry about anything anymore, you are here now, and I won't let anything happen to you, I will do whatever it takes to make you safe again." I had a sense of déjà-vu hearing Edward pledge his promise to Emma, this time the promise wasn't mine and for a strange reason I envied her for it.
"Em, after you left the volturi,... through the year that you were on the run, what did you do...How did you feed? I'm not trying to judge or anything, I just need to know, because you can't hunt humans here, we have a treaty with the wolfs that mustn't be broken," Edward wondered, carefully choosing his words.
Emma's weak laughter filled the room
"You don't have to worry Edward, your humans are safe with me."
"No, honestly what did you do?"
"My stash of blood was over in about a month, and I just struggled my way to endure the thirst ever since."
"My God Emma! a whole year, are you crazy? No wonder you are so weak," Edward screamed furiously "I'll run down to Carlisle to prepare something for you right away," he said urgently.
"Calm down Edward, I dealt with it for a year, you think a few more minutes would matter, besides it's not as bad as it was before, after painfully resisting my feeding frenzies for a few decades, I kind of got used to it. Think of me as an addict who just came out of rehab, it really doesn't hurt me anymore. You know me, I was never as strong or as fast as other vampires, but this is the only thing I am actually good at."
"I always thought I was the most restrained vampire after Carlisle, but resisting thirst for a whole year, you put me and him to shame, you always had an amazing willpower," he faintly laughed.
"I didn't have the will to stay, I wish I never left, Edward" she sighed regretfully
"Why did you? Why did you leave Emma? You were getting better and Carlisle was working hard to find a way to totally quench your thirst, didn't you think of Carlisle and Esme and what that would do to them? Didn't you think of me?"
"I left for all of you Edward, I left so you can all have a peaceful existence without worrying and suffering because of me."
"We weren't suffering because of you!" he firmly denied.
"Come on Edward let's not lie."
"I swear Emma, if I had known you would feel that way about being a vampire, I would have never asked Carlisle to change you, I resent what I have put you through, it was all my fault."
"Don't Edward please, don't start with this again, none of this was ever your fault, besides it's all behind us now, let's just concentrate on the matter in hand. I just want Alice to warn me ahead before Demetri arrives and I promise I would just leave, I won't put you or anyone in a battle with the volturi because of me."
"You are not going anywhere; you don't have to worry about anything anymore. You are home, just rest now, I will ask Carlisle to bring you some blood, you obviously need it."
I was frozen on the stairs, trying to process the whole day in my head. Where did she come from? Why is she back?! She is like a fallen star, that appeared out of nowhere and fell out of the sky to set fire in my perfect world...
It was a quiet night at our cottage, the first since we moved into it. With the break of dawn Edward was ready to rush back to the main house. I think if he hadn't felt my distress about Emma, he would have never left her side. I tried to hold myself together, have the same patience and understanding Edward always had when he dealt with my problems, but it was too hard for me. Being secure about Edward's heart was all I had, and I just couldn't accept any change in this fundamental, specially knowing how she feels about him.
"Where is Emma?" Edward searched for her the second we walked through the main door.
"She is sleeping," Jasper responded sarcastically, and then Emmet, Alice and Rosalie broke into laughter.
"Guys, come on now!" Edward pleaded.
"She sleeps?" I asked stunned.
"Yeah, she thinks sleep is a rest of the mind, not the body, and if we physically can sustain being awake, our mind must take its rest," Emmet hilariously gushed imitating Emma's voice and gestures.
"Emmet!" Edward warned, "Where is Carlisle?" he urgently demanded.
"He didn't leave the office since he went into it last night," Jasper answered, worried.
Edward was on his way to Carlisle's office just as Emma weakly and slowly came down the stairs.
"God Emmet! In my last 100 years, even the nights I spent being chased by the two meanest vampires to ever exist, last night was my worst, you put the volturi to shame," Emma sighed in pain "Ah, the headache."
"Should I get you some aspirin?" Emmet teased, causing everyone in the room including me to chuckle.
Edward was about to give us all a lecture, when fragile Emma stumbled down the stairs. He rushed to her side, barely saving her head from crushing on the steps.
I was eaten up by jealousy when Edward carried her back to his room, with her arms clutching around his neck.
Jasper and I exchanged a suspicious glance, then he spoke exactly what I had in mind.
"How she survived Felix and Demetri for a whole year is beyond me?"
"Don't you think it's a bit strange, what if she is hiding something? I mean she spent almost a hundred years with the Volturi, how could we trust her?! Edward and Carlisle are blinded by their love for her; they are not judging her straight."
I finished, looking for support from other family members, but I was surprised that even Jasper didn't think that far.
"May be you are the one who is blinded by jealousy Bella. You cannot see beyond her special bond with Edward, that you want so badly for her to be a scheming evil of some sort! " Rosalie said in a constructed monotone not to give the impression of attacking me.
Alice rushed to support her "She is a poor thing, I don't think she is capable of scheming anything. She was hesitant to come here in the first place; she seems helpless and in a desperate need for our help"
"I like her, she is fun. She is going to provide good entertainment for us," Emmet commented in his cheerful self.
" It doesn't matter what we think of her, she is FAMILY, and no matter what, we stick by our family," Esme stated in her worm motherly voice, also avoiding directing her words at me, trying her best not to hurt my feelings.
But her words hit me like a slap on the face. A flash back of all the risks, trouble and pain I put the Cullen's through, since I joined their family 3 years ago passed me by. They stood by me through it all, they put up with Jacob and the whole wolf pack, and still do, just because I am a part of their family, now how can I deny Emma the same, just because of my selfish feelings toward her. Even now in my worst attitude, they are too careful not to hurt me. They did, and will always do all they can for me and more, and I should do the same for Emma.
Edward was on his way down the stairs, he didn't say a word about what we were saying, but I could see disappointment in his eyes. I was sure he heard us, but I guess he also chose not to hurt my feelings. He went straight into Carlisle's office and I desperately followed him.
The second we walked through the door, we could tell from Carlisle' face that he was utterly disturbed and frustrated.
"What's wrong Carlisle?" Edward rushed worried, and tense.
"Well son, I wish I could tell you exactly what is wrong, but I have no clue. Emma's condition is so complicated, she is in a very critical state," Carlisle answered burdened by despair.
"I know that Carlisle by just looking at her, how can we help her? there must be something we could do," Edward commented with a slight anger in his tone.
"I really don't know, her venom level is too low. I have no clue where to start, or if there is even a way to help her!" Carlisle hopelessly stated.
"Can't we inject venom into her system?" Edward asked anxiously.
"It's a vampire legend not to bite other vampires' son, a mix of venoms can kill a vampire, you know that!"
Edward agreed bitterly, as I stood confused between them, their intensity made me hesitant to ask, but I finally did.
"Why does she need venom!? And what caused it to drop?"
I was completely clueless, I tried to get a grip of what exactly is wrong with her, judging by the distress Edward and Carlisle were showing, it seemed to be extremely serious. Edward wasn't too keen to explain, but Carlisle gladly did.
"Bella, venom for vampires is exactly like adrenaline in humans, it gives you strength, and gives you stamina to maintain control over your body, without it your body weakens and your muscles deteriorate..."
Edward who was deep into his own thoughts cut Carlisle off, completely ignoring me, and my wish to understand.
"Can't we just give her more blood" he interjected.
"It's way more serious than thirst now Edward, blood won't satisfy her innate nature- the animal part we acquired when we became vampires- that part of us that needs to hunt, the buzzing desire that needs to be satisfied."
I could relate to every word Carlisle was saying, hunting always gave me an overwhelming feeling of satisfaction. The tracking, the waiting, the strategy, the attack, the struggle and finally the kill are more satisfying than the feeding in itself. It is really something in our nature that requires nourishing, a rush that goes straight into your brain, exactly as an adrenaline rush...
"She will hunt then, we will convince her, teach her, she won't be allowed a chance to refuse," Edward gushed desperate, disbelief reflected in his tone.
"Listen to yourself Edward, she is way too weak to learn or hunt, she can easily get killed doing either."
"I won't let her die Carlisle, if hunting is the solution, then hunting is what she will do," Edward firmly declared, his determination made Carlisle and me believe he could succeed. He tried to compose himself but that touch of sadness had returned to his face.
When we reached the living room, every one had gathered around Emma, she was holding Nessie's hands and they both had their eyes closed. It took me a minute to comprehend that Nessie was having her future told for the day. It was sweet seeing my baby's reactions to whatever she was sharing with Emma, her face altered from a slight smile to happiness, and then excitation. When they finally opened their eyes, Emma whispered,
"There you go, that is a short part of your day."
"So what's the main event today, Nessie," I asked utterly interested.
"Jacob is coming," Nessie responded excited and rushed out of the door to wait for him.
"That is not an event, he is here everyday," Emmet teased, as he took his turn with Emma who murmured,
"Only 5 minutes ahead, you gave me a hard time last night, and as you can see I have lots of customers," she mused, gently laughing, and among all the smiling faces around her, Edward's face was again the only face tormented.
Everyone in the family took turn sneaking 5 minutes into their immediate future. It wasn't much of what they were seeing as much as the experience itself. It came down to Edward and me, Emma sprint her hand forward inviting him for a forecast, and even-though I was sure he experienced that before, I was also sure he wouldn't disappoint her. Watching his hand intertwine with hers and their thoughts merge, was killing me, but I tried my best not to show it. She was not at all discreet about her feelings for Edward; she could not contain her overwhelming happiness when their hands touched, that I could swear her pale face even lightened up. Those were the longest five minutes of my existence, I watched him carefully, but his face was stiff, still hurt, it did not reflect much. When he was done, he gently placed her face between his hands and whispered,
"So weak, yet the visions are still so vivid," he faintly smiled, but his voice reflected so much pain.
"Go ahead, Bella" Emmet pushingly requested.
"I don't think so," I politely replied trying to avoid an embarrassing experience.
"Come on, Bella, it would be great to see if you are immune to her too or not?!" Alice persuasively pleaded.
With all eyes on me, I had to comply, but actually it was Edward and Emma's reluctance that made me go through with it.
I gave her my hand, closed my eyes and waited for the images to hit me. At first, it was like downloading a packed data for the next five minutes of my future, but then it was amazing, so colourful. It was like a super high definition image of myself but most amazingly of Edward, the details of the slowly paced vision made me enjoy him more meticulously, but when I focused on what was really happening, it started to be disturbing. Edward and I were fighting, and with more concentration, I could hear Emma's name. The second I realised that, I snatched my hands away from hers and opened my eyes.
"I am sorry Bella, I don't know what to say," she said apologetic.
I rushed out of the room trying to avoid questions, and Edward rushed behind me.
"So, what is it that we are going to fight about? I know for sure you saw it all in her head," I asked furious unconsciously gearing up for the fight I was trying too hard to reject.
"Calm down please, I meant to talk to you about this," he pleaded.
"About what?" I wondered still angry.
"They are coming for her," Alice said in an urgent voice interrupting us.
The whole family was by our side in seconds.
"Who?!" Jasper asked anxiously
"Demetri and Felix, they are coming alone, Alec and Jane stayed behind," Alice strictly informed us.
"Good, we can take out those two easy," Emmet bragged.
"There will be no fighting," Edward who was unexpectedly calm warned. "We don't want to open a vengeance door with the Volturi."
"You are absolutely right son," Carlisle confirmed "how far are they Alice," he asked attentively.
"They are not that far, they will be here by tomorrow morning,"
"That doesn't give us much time to prepare," Rosalie stated worried.
"You don't have to prepare for anything, I'll be gone tonight. You don't even have to lie for me; just tell them I was here," Emma muttered in a shaking voice but she meant every word she said.
"You won't go anywhere," Edward firmly ordered and then continued, "I have a plan but, I need your understanding and approval Bella."
Something about his tone of voice worried me, but I tried as much as I can to compose myself.
"Demetri tracks vampires the same way Alice sees her vision through the mind," he started to explain but I had no patience for it.
"Yes, Edward I know, you told me that before," I cut him off trying to get to the point behind all of this.
"Well, Alice has a blind spot when it came to Nessie and I was just thinking..." his voice was trembling with hesitation and he should be.
"Oh no, no, no, you are not planning on hiding Emma with Nessie in the middle of no where are you?!" I was furious I couldn't swallow the fact that he actually thought of that.
"It is the only way to solve this situation. They won't be far, I'll camp for them in the same spot you and I camped before. Nessie would block Emma for the short time they are here,"
"In this freezing cold weather, and how can you be sure they will be here for a short period. I am sorry Edward I can't allow it, and I am honestly stunned and disappointed that you would even consider something like that," I was harsh but I was also frustrated, being a part of my family is one thing, but to risk my child's life for her is another. There was no way I would let a stranger-at least to me-take my girl and be miles away from me and from her family. There are a million ways this could go wrong and I wasn't going to accept that, even if I had to fight Felix myself.
"Go with them then, you can even block them both," Carlisle suggested.
"That would be too obvious, especially when they know that Bella has a protective shield, they would see right through it," Jasper explained.
As we were all thinking of a way to get through the situation, Emma kept quiet, but we all could see she was tormented by the conflict she caused.
"I have another blind spot," Alice hinted
"The wolfs!" Edward answered excitedly catching up on what Alice was implying, and a weak glimpse of light flashed across his face.
"What about the wolfs?!" Jacob questioned as he walked through the door with Nessie in his arms.
"Speak of the devil!" Emmet mused teasing Jacob.