(Title and opening credits. The audience shouts "Gerry! Gerry!" as he comes out onstage. Eventually, they quiet down.)
Gerry-My guest today is an actual witch!
(The audience murmurs.)
She is married to a mortal-that's what they call us non-witches!
(Laughter)
However, this mortal has forbidden her from practicing witchcraft!
(Boos.)
Please welcome Samantha!
(The audience claps, as she comes out onstage. She kisses Jerry and sits down.)
Nice to meet you, Samantha.
Sam-Please, call me Sam.
Gerry-All, right, Sam. You are a witch.
Sam-Yes, I am.
Gerry-Would you be willing to show us some of your witchcraft?
Sam-Certainly.
(She twitches her nose; rose petals fall down before her. The audience cheers.)
Gerry-Impressive!
Sam-Thank you!
Gerry-And your husband doesn't allow you to practice your witchcraft?
Sam-No, he doesn't. He doesn't approve of my doing it.
(Boos)
Gerry-Why not?
Sam-I'm not quite sure. I think he's a little jealous of me.
(Boos)
Gerry-Well, I think it's time to bring him out. Ladies and gentlemen, here is Sam's husband, Darrin.
(Boos, as he comes out. He glares at the audience, shakes Gerry's hand, kisses his wife, and sits next to her.)
Hi, Darrin.
Darrin-Hi, Gerry.
Gerry-So, you don't want your wife to practice her witchcraft, is that right?
Darrin-That's right. No wife of mine will cast spells!
(Boos)
Gerry-And why is that?
Darrin-Because my home is my castle, and I am king of my castle, that's why! I am the man, and it's my job to provide for my wife and my family.
(Stronger boos.)
Well, it is!
Gerry-Do you respect the fact that your wife is a witch?
Darrin-Yes, I do. I'm not a bigot! But she can't cast spells, and that's my final word on the subject!
(More boos.)
Gerry-Now, you allege that your mother-in-law hates you, is this true?
Darrin-Yes, it is! She's done some terible things to me!
(Endura suddenly appears.)
Endura-And you deserved all of them, Derwood!
(The audience laughs.)
Gerry-Are you Sam's mother?
Endura-Yes, I am. And Samantha deserves better than Darrid!
(Cheers)
Darrin-At least get my name right: It's Darrin-DARRIN! D-A-R-R-I-N!
Endura-You are a little man!
(She waives her arms out. Darrin is transformed into a 6" man. Then she suddenly disappears. The audience laughs.)
Darrin (little voice)-SAM!
Sam-Mother? MOTHER!
(Endura doesn't reappear.)
Gerry-Can you make him grow back?
Sam-I'm afraid I can't; witches can't change spells other witches have cast. I'll have to go to the Witches' Counsel on this issue. I'll be right back; hang in there, Darrin!
(She disappears.)
Gerry-While she's gone, let's go to a commercial.
(Commercial beak.)
(After the break. Darrin is still 6" tall, but Sam hasn't returned yet.)
Gerry-Ok, we're back with Darrin and Sam. Sam hasn't returned yet.
(She suddenly reappears.)
Oh, here she is!
(Cheers)
Have you found out a way to return your husband to his regular height?
Sam-Yes, I have. I'll need to cup my hands around him so that I can cover him with my body spirit. Hang on, Darrin!
(She carefully picks him up and cups her hands over him. Then she puts him back down again. She then twitches her nose. He slowly begins to grow back to his regular size. Unfortunately, after he grows back, he starts to shrink back down to a 6" man. The audience says "aah!")
Gerry-That didn't work!
Sam-There's another thing I can try: I can use my feet.
Gerry-Your feet?
Sam-Thanks right.
(She picks him up and places him on the floor. Then she takes her shoes off and cups her feet around him. After a few seconds, she takes her feet away and once again twitches her nose. He rises in height back to normal size-only this time, he stays that way. The audience cheers.)
Gerry-Wonderful!
Darrin-Thanks, Sam!
Sam-You're welcome, dear.
(They kiss.)
Gerry-Now that this has happened, will you allow your wife to cast spells?
Darrin-No!
(Boos)
Gerry-We'll be right back.
(Commercial break.)
(After the commercial. Sam has put her shoes back on, and Darrin is sitting next to her.
Gerry-Is it right for a husband to demand that his wife be a housewife, while he provides for them? In the past, maybe it was. But this is 1966, and things are changing. So perhaps now, the husband should be more open and let his wife be the head of the household. Just a thought!
(Music and closing credits. The audience claps and cheers.)