OVER BLACK.
Super: Point Place, Wisconsin. Eric Forman's Basement. April 20, 2020. 12:01 A.M.
INT. BASEMENT - NIGHT
ERIC, HYDE, KELSO AND FEZ sit in THE CIRCLE.
ERIC
(with a pleased look)
Happy Four-Twenty, guys.
HYDE
Forman, man, I'm so glad we got quarantined in your basement. Can you imagine if we got stuck in our own homes with our own parents? I'd go berserk, man.
FEZ
(with no accent)
Yes, I agree, Eric. Even after all these years, I still feel more comfortable in this basement than my own apartment.
KELSO
(looking at Fez in confusion)
Hey, who's the new guy?
ERIC
What are you talking about, Kelso? That's Fez.
HYDE
I think the accent is throwing him off.
FEZ
Yes, it's true, I have finally lost the last trace of my foreign accent. I am now fully American!
(with a frown)
It disgusts me.
KELSO
Well, being in this basement hasn't made things easier on me. I don't have any more excuses not to answer Jackie's texts!
(imitating Jackie)
Michael, remember to practice social distancing! Michael, don't watch The Bachelor without me! Michael, why haven't you liked my latest Instagram post?
ERIC
Yeah, I'm glad Donna doesn't have Instagram. I'm even more glad I left Africa before this virus got all the borders closed.
(looking dramatically off into the distance)
I wonder how my pet gazelle Sir Antlers is doing?
HYDE
Sir Antlers is fine, man. You know why? It's because this virus isn't in Africa! It isn't anywhere, man! I read online that the government made the whole thing up to keep us inside for a couple months while they change the batteries in all the pigeons, man!
FEZ
Hyde, why would you think the pigeons are surveillance drones? That is just silly. I am more worried about accidentally drinking the water that has turned all the frogs gay.
KELSO
No, Fez, that's...
(he shrugs)
Anyway, I just hope Brooke and Betsy are doing all right in Chicago without me. I really miss them. It's hard not being able to hug my little girl. Yesterday, while we were FaceTiming, I tried to hug her through the phone. It didn't work.
ERIC
Yeah, tell me about it. I miss seeing Donna every night.
HYDE
What are you talking about, man? She's right next door, just go see her!
ERIC
I've tried, but Bob and Midge are real sticklers for the Six Feet Apart rule. Even before COVID, they just assumed I got bit by a mosquito in Africa and came back with malaria.
HYDE
(grimacing)
I never thought I'd say this twice, but I wish there were more people to share this stash with. All we've done for two whole months is smoke. This damn quarantine is ruining the Circle!
FEZ
I feel sick.
KELSO
Hyde, for your information, this Circle is the only thing that's keeping us sane! So I say "thank you" to the Circle.
ERIC
Man, what we need is to do something spontaneous again. Go on an adventure, like the old days.
(with force)
Let's break the quarantine! Who's gonna stop us?
HYDE
I like the way you think, Forman. But what can we do? Everything's closed.
The gang takes a moment to think.
KELSO
I got it! We'll climb up on the water tower and paint a quarantine symbol on it! That way, if we get caught, we can just say we're reminding everyone about the quarantine!
HYDE
A quarantine symbol...on the water tower. It's brilliant.
(beat)
To the water tower.
ERIC
The water tower.
KELSO
The water tower!
FEZ
(with an accent)
The water tower!
(gasps)
Ali Baba, my accent is back! Praise the heavens!
CUT TO:
OPENING CREDITS.