Prompt #53: El and Liv take a trip to check out the gorgeous fall foliage and visit some wineries. A few too many wine flights leads to tipsy confessions.
Chautauqua
~oOo~
They're getting ready to leave the squadroom in the hands of a fill-in lead and Velasco for the Labor Day holiday weekend when Olivia pulls Amanda into her office. "Everything okay, Cap?" Amanda asks.
Olivia is feeling relaxed and, for once, eager to get away from work. Noah is tucked away this weekend with Amanda's girls at Carisi's mother's house, and Team Carisi-Rollins Wedding is going out of town for the weekend six hours northwest to Chautauqua to help the couple choose some specifics for their pending nuptials. The autumn leaf changes should be positively gorgeous, and Amanda has promised the vineyards they'll be trying out are some of the best Lake Erie Wine Country has to offer. Olivia can't wait.
"Oh! Yeah. No problems. I was just curious. Did Rafa…" Olivia isn't sure how to approach the question without projecting her obvious discomfort, but Amanda saves her the trouble.
"He's not going to be in the wedding party, Liv." Amanda gives her a wry smile. "Sonny asked, but he declined – said he had something going on that weekend – and given the circumstances…"
Olivia whispers, "Carisi didn't push." Amanda nods in agreement. "I'm sorry…" she starts.
"Nah-uh, cut that out." Amanda places her hand on Olivia's arm. "It's not exactly easy for Sonny, either," she says. "You know, Barba can get really nasty during his cases, and Sonny takes that very personally sometimes. I think the offer was more a nod at their past friendship than anything that's still actually there." She looks into the squadroom where her fiance is talking with Fin and Phoebe, who are waiting for them. "I think it's just one of those circumstances where the two of them, they're moving on and away from their friendship. It happens." She shrugs, and Olivia knows Amanda is feeling the same melancholy she does about the fading of that relationship.
It suddenly occurs to Olivia what it means for the wedding. "Oh. Does that mean we're short a member of the wedding party?" she asks.
"Not exactly," Amanda says. "Sonny asked someone to fill in."
"Family member?" Olivia looks out at the squad affectionately, thinking about what a great family she's found in the people in the room just outside her office, and she's curious how someone "new" will jibe with their antics this coming weekend.
"Um… kind of?" Amanda says coyly. "I think you'll like him." She smiles slyly at Olivia, who rolls her eyes.
"Look, Amanda. I hope this isn't some kind of setup with yet another one of Carisi's never-ending supply of Staten Island cousins…" She trails off as she sees a familiar form make his way off the elevator and into the squadroom. He's holding an overnight bag and stops to shake Sonny's hand, pat Fin's shoulder, and nod hello to Phoebe.
"Not exactly," Amanda says. "More like Queens." She waves at Elliot Stabler through the glass of Olivia's window as Liv takes a deep breath.
It's going to be a very long weekend.
~oOo~
The group settles into two SUVs, Fin's and Amanda's, with the women opting to stick in one vehicle while the men climb into Fin's sprawling Tahoe. The moment they're barreling down the road, Amanda asks, "Liv, you mad at me?"
Phoebe, ensconced in the front passenger side, gives Amanda a sideways glance with an amused look on her face. "Oh. Olivia didn't know about Elliot?" She's grinning, and Olivia gets even more irritated realizing that she's the last to know. "What's the problem?" she follows up. "You two are old friends, right?"
Olivia blows out a breath, trying to figure out exactly why it is she's so irritated. It's been an odd summer in which, in trying to untangle her own feelings for Elliot in her brain, Olivia has basically neglected their friendship outside of occasional texts and phone calls. She's kept a measure of distance with him, and, if he's felt the impacts of that, she hasn't been able to tell because eventually, his own attempts to reach out slowed and trickled to a halt. To be honest, she has no idea where they are right now, and it frustrates her that she's being confronted with figuring it out with an audience of her chosen family in tow.
"We were partners for 13 years," Olivia says, and Phoebe raises an eyebrow. "Before he left the force and moved to Europe." She knows Phoebe is probably aware of there being deeper issues that aren't being mentioned, if just from proximity to Fin, but she doesn't want to go into those right now, not while this trip is supposed to be about Amanda. "I was just surprised to see him," she says. "Didn't think he and Carisi were buddies enough to be asked to be in the wedding."
"He and Sonny have been hanging out a lot this summer," Amanda says. "Shooting hoops, going to games… Stabler's been feeling the impacts of having an empty nest, and he and Sonny have gotten closer."
Empty nest? Olivia realizes she has no idea what Amanda means, but thankfully, Phoebe comes to the rescue on that one. "Doesn't he have a teenage kid still at home?" she asks.
"Yeah," Rollins answers, "but he's attending a prep school in California so Stabler moved him out there about two weeks ago. And his mom decided to move in with one of his daughters, so Stabler's basically got a bachelor pad after being surrounded by family his entire adult life."
"Fun for him," Phoebe says. "Maybe I need to call my sister again," she jokes.
Olivia is quietly reeling in the backseat, feeling the flush of embarrassment on her face of realizing she's left her old partner hanging while he's been going through some pretty significant changes. Amanda looks at her through the rearview and realizes Olivia is taking in the information as if it's new (because it is, she thinks), and her expression changes from one of amusement to worry.
"Liv, you didn't know?" Olivia quietly shakes her head no, not trusting herself to speak at the moment, and just sits back in the seat. "Look," Amanda says. "I didn't mean to blindside you. I thought you guys were talking again."
It's a fair assumption from Amanda, who has just now really started recovering from her gunshot wound from over the summer. Olivia and Elliot had worked the case together to help protect a trafficked girl, but when Elliot lost his CI, Olivia had more or less left him to manage his inner demons while she tried to sort out her own. She realizes now this was probably a mistake, since he had apparently taken her attempt at giving him space as a sign she wasn't interested in his life. She's hurt that she didn't get to say goodbye to Eli before he moved across the country, but she also has to wonder if she's given any indication to Elliot that she'd even care about something like that. "We're…" Olivia starts, but she trails off, not knowing how to finish her statement.
Phoebe takes measure of the conversation and realizes something deeper is going on. To her credit, she's quiet about it, and she fiddles with the radio to find a Sirius channel they'll all like. "It's fine," Olivia says, chewing on her bottom lip. "I'm just going to…" She grabs a book from her purse and moves the bookmark to the back, pretending to read. Amanda glances again, worried, through the rearview mirror before, thankfully, dropping things for now.
~oOo~
After a cell phone call from Carisi, the entourage stops at a restaurant about halfway to their destination. The views are already stunning, with trees covered in brilliant oranges, yellows, and reds while the wind whistles through them in a nonstop rustle of sound. The group admires the scenery as they get out of their vehicles.
Elliot strolls over to Olivia. "Hey, Liv," he says. He stretches his arms above him and twists, flexing out his cramped muscles from their drive. "It's good to see you." His voice is tentative, and she misses the confident and almost brash person who asked her over for a Christmas party nine months earlier.
He looks so handsome, and Olivia's heart clenches just a little the way it does whenever she's near him. "Hey, El." She touches his arm and gets a bit of a smile from him. "I hear you've had a few changes happening recently." She sees a brief flash of something (is that pain?) in his blue eyes before he trains his expression again.
He just says, "A few. Maybe we can catch up some this weekend." He opens the restaurant door for her and places a hand on her lower back, ushering her into the quaint eatery. There's a fireplace in the front foyer of the restaurant, and the gas logs are on a low setting to add atmosphere. Fin has already given the host their numbers, and they follow him to their table at the windows, a clear view of the rolling hills with all the color in their line of sight.
"Just beautiful," Olivia murmurs as she sits.
"Absolutely gorgeous," Elliot replies. She looks over at him, but he's not looking out the window.
Oh.
He moves his eyes to the menu and she shakes herself loose from the moment, taking a glance herself before settling on a cup of loaded potato soup. He orders something less carb-filled, and she decides she wants to thaw some of the icewall she's helped build between them. "What happened to that sweet tooth I remember?" He smiles at her, and she wants to chase that smile, wants to see it happening again and again, and she realizes that she does have the power to make that happen with him (which is, she thinks, somehow the entire problem).
"A guy's gotta watch his figure, you know." She laughs this time, and it lights him up again.
"I doubt very seriously you have problems with anyone watching your figure," Phoebe chirps from on the other side of Elliot.
"Hey," Fin says. "Watch it, woman." Phoebe playfully slaps her partner on his arm.
"You had a chance to put a ring on it," she says. "I can look."
Elliot is blushing at this point, and Olivia finds it endearing. She takes in how much he's changed from the brash, cocky man she knew over a decade ago. That man would have been swaggering, but this one, he's quiet, reserved. She knows he can anger, but he's more even-tempered these days, less self-assured. She knows the Brotherhood op has done a number on him emotionally, digging into feelings about his father that he always kept buried just under the surface. Olivia knows that burn entirely too well, how it is to reconcile the toxicity of the people who were supposed to take care of you in your childhood with them being "family."
Elliot started a sprawling family of his own before he was even an adult, really, a wife and five children, whereas Olivia created a family of choice, one born out of necessity when Elliot carried away the only family she had ever really known.
And there it is again, that pain. The reason she keeps him at arm's length. Olivia knows from experience if he's truly having to deal with the perceived loss of his family around him, even if they're not permanently gone, he's hurting. She finds herself not feeling any satisfaction at how it must hurt him – she knows she couldn't, really – but she does wonder if he ever thinks about how she must have felt when he cut off contact with her all those years ago.
"You're quiet," Elliot murmurs to her, moving his head closer to her so the others can't hear. "Are you all right?" His blue eyes are seeking hers earnestly, and she's struck once again at how serious he is these days. She misses the joyful friend who tossed popcorn at her from across shared desks and who brought her coffee fixed exactly how she liked it (or as close as one could get with the acidic slurry Munch would brew).
"Just navel gazing," she says. She spoons her soup around and takes a bite, the creamy richness of the concoction warding off the chill that's starting to permeate the fall breeze. She turns her attention to Amanda, who's sitting just to the right of her. She's talking about the dresses she's picked out for the girls, who will be playing junior bridesmaids after not being able to reconcile which one would be flower girl.
Amanda finishes her discussion, leans toward Olivia, and lowers her voice. "So I need to tell you something about the resort arrangements. And please don't yell at me, okay?" Olivia freezes, wondering what fresh hell her friend is about to unload on her now. "Look, I hope this won't be too uncomfortable, but the only room they had left when I went to book for Stabler was a two-bedroom suite. Are you okay sharing one with him? It's basically like a small condo setup – just a shared kitchen and living room space with separate bedrooms across from each other. You don't even have to interact if you don't want to. I mean, I can let you come stay with me and I can boot Sonny in there if it's a problem."
Olivia sighs. She'd think Amanda was trying to set up something, but the stricken look on her face tells her that her friend genuinely tried her best but had to deal with what was available. "It's just a good thing you're leaving or you'd be on weekend call for the next three years," she says, smiling at her friend to put her at ease. "What did Stabler say?"
"He said it wasn't a problem for him," she says. "Either scenario."
Olivia thinks about the possibilities – evening discussions, a space where they can talk, really talk, but still have somewhere to retreat. It could be what they need, the push she needs, to get them past some hurdles.
She knows Amanda is surprised from the look on her face when she says, "It's fine. No need to kick your man out." Amanda smiles, obviously relieved. "I do appreciate the offer, though."
"Look at you, getting that room after all…"
"Don't push it, Rollins." The two smile at each other, and although Olivia feels a pit of anxiety in her stomach, she can feel a shift in the air as certainly as she hears the rush of the leaves as they swirl in the breeze outside.
~oOo~
They're in the elevator at the resort, the whole group of them, with luggage shoved into the corners. Three separate floors are lit up on the panel, and Fin is flashing Olivia a grin that she largely ignores while Phoebe shoves her elbow into his side trying to get him to stop. "This is us," Phoebe says through gritted teeth, once again jabbing Fin.
"See y'all in a bit," Fin says, as he wrangles luggage off the elevator. "Behave in the meantime, okay?" He chuckles as the door closes between him and Phoebe and the group still in the elevator.
Elliot leans into Olivia and murmurs softly, "Are you sure you're okay with this arrangement?" She hears the discomfort in his voice, and she doesn't know if it's on her behalf or his, in all honesty.
"It's okay, El," she says. And, to her surprise, she realizes it truly is, from her perspective. She's tired of things sitting still with them, and she has resigned herself to letting this weekend be the impetus for defining how they move forward – or if they permanently change their places in each other's lives. Olivia glances over at her friends, her former detectives, and sees them embracing in the corner of the elevator, smiling with wonder on their faces at the adventure they have ahead of them. While she's thrilled for their happiness, it brings a longing to her heart, and she thinks about Dr. Lindstrom's prompt to her asking if she wondered when it would be her turn. Olivia knows now it's up to her to determine when and if that happens. She just wishes she knew how.
Amanda and Sonny exit at the next floor, and then she and Elliot are alone on the elevator. He pushes the doors closed and clears his throat. "Liv," he starts.
"Elliot," she says. "Look, this is fine. I was just surprised to see you in the wedding party. I didn't know you and Carisi had gotten so… close."
"He's a good man," Elliot murmurs. "It's nice to have someone to talk with who understands…" He looks down at the cross hanging between the unbuttoned top button of his dress shirt. "... this stuff." He gestures down at it.
"I had Noah baptized, you know," Olivia offers suddenly. Elliot looks surprised and opens his mouth to say something but the elevator door opens to their floor before he can. Grabbing both of their rolling suitcases, he leads them to the door of their suite. Olivia swipes the key over the electronic lock and enters, holding the door open behind her to allow Elliot to maneuver around her with the bags.
The suite is truly magnificent, and Olivia wonders what Rollins and Carisi must be enjoying if this is for just members of the wedding party. The central room has a glass wall that overlooks the stunning grounds with a view of Chautauqua Lake in the slight distance. On either side of the living area are two doors, and Olivia figures these must be the bedroom spaces. The kitchenette is just to the left of the entrance area and is big enough to host the entire wedding party, if needed, for dinner or after-dinner hangouts or activities. A basket sits atop the bar area in the kitchen and includes a bottle from one of the local wineries they plan to visit on this trip. Olivia takes a deep breath, feeling herself unwinding for the first in a long time.
"Do you have a room preference?" Elliot asks, bringing Olivia back from her musings about their surroundings.
"I don't know," she says. "Let's see what's behind door number one."
Leaving the bags in the living room, Elliot opens the door closest to him as Olivia crosses to him. The room is cozy with a queen-sized bed and small bathroom with a brightly-lit shower area. "Nice," Elliot says. It's homey but without kitsch, and Olivia feels the warmth and comfort the resort has tried to convey with its furnishings.
The two cross the living space again and open the second door. Olivia is floored. Inside is a giant California King bed with a much larger master bath setting off to the side. Inside the bathroom is a massive clawfoot tub. She looks over at Elliot, who is already looking at her with an amused expression on his face. "Technically," he teases, "I'm much larger than you and should probably take the larger bed." She opens her mouth to respond but before she can, he's already wheeled her bag into the larger bedroom.
"Are you sure?" He smiles at her, greatly amused, and fusses with moving his bag into the room across the space.
"Are you kidding me?" Elliot calls back over his shoulder. "I know better than to get between a woman and a bathtub like that." He drops his bag on the bed and then comes back over to her room, where Olivia has started unpacking several items to put them on hangers.
"What, men can't enjoy baths?" she counters.
"Oh," he says. "I definitely know how to enjoy a good bath." The gravel in his voice makes her shiver, and her brain flashes, for just a split second, to an image of Elliot in the tub, naked and wet, sprawled out behind her as she's leaned back into him.
It's definitely going to be a long weekend.
~oOo~
The group starts off their tour of wine country the next morning, opting to hire a local tour company that specializes in regional wines and, more importantly, will transport them. Olivia boards the van last, sliding into the back row next to Elliot, who is looking out the window. It's a gorgeous day outside, the fall breeze picking up and sweeping the red, yellow, and orange leaves into the air before they whirl slowly to the ground, a marked contrast against clear blue skies. Olivia's leg slides next to Elliot's, and he shifts his arm to the back of the seat behind her to give her some more room.
"Sorry. I take up a bit of space." Elliot grins at Olivia, and she's glad to see him in a less contemplative mood than he's been so far on the trip. She feels his arm just behind her shoulders, a warm reminder of his presence, and she finds herself fighting the urge to lean into it.
"What can we expect today?" Fin asks, and Amanda explains that the couple is not only vetting potential venues for their spring wedding, but they're also planning to purchase wine for the wedding from one of the local wineries. They want the party's opinion on both, and they want to have a fun weekend to thank everyone in their party in advance. The advantage to this area, Carisi explains, is the six-hour drive will make it easier for them to keep the wedding guest list smaller and COVID-compliant but will still give guests the bang for their buck when it comes to scenic views and things to do in the area.
"So you just want us to drink and opine, then?" Fin clarifies with a large grin. "That I can do."
"You even drink wine?" Elliot asks, and Fin laughs.
"I'd even drink pickle juice for these two chuckleheads." He pats Carisi's shoulder in the row in front of him and Phoebe. "Took y'all long enough to figure it out."
Carisi blushes, but Amanda pops off, "At least it hasn't been more than 20 years." Fin cackles, and Olivia glares at her sergeant as Phoebe rolls her eyes at her partner.
"What about you, Stabler?" Fin looks back over his shoulder. "You bring back any wine facts from Europe along with the fancy Italian suits?" Elliot grins.
"A few." He leans up, leaving Olivia's shoulder feeling colder without the presence of his arm behind her. "I can tell the difference between a cabinet and a Cabernet, if that's what you mean," he says. "But that's with reds. This area is mostly white wines, right?" Amanda nods confirmation. "Still mostly prefer whiskey, though."
Carisi laughs. "The Irish Catholic prefers whiskey," he says. "Go figure."
"Hey," Elliot says. "As you know, we Catholics have a long history with wine, too. I've had more than my fair share of communion." The two men laugh, and Olivia takes in their easy rapport, one that has obviously become practiced and natural during the course of the summer while she wasn't paying attention.
She feels unnerved by the fact Elliot was able to merge so seamlessly into her family when she wasn't looking. It makes her wonder why they can't slide back into the ease they once shared.
~oOo~
After wineries and several bottles of Chardonnay over dinner, it's safe to say the wedding party is slightly, as Fin called it, looped. The mood is jovial as everyone laughs and talks in the van on the way back to the resort.
"I don't want this day to end," Amanda says, and everyone smiles.
"Well, the bride should get what she wants," Elliot says. "You know, Liv and I have plenty of hosting space if we all want to take this party to the room. Maybe we can put those flight boards we saw to good use and help you narrow down the four bottles you grabbed to the big winner."
Everyone murmurs their approval, and Olivia leans into Elliot. "You're feeling social."
"I don't get to spend a lot of time with other adults I don't work with, and your squad? These are good people." His arm is behind her on the seat again, and the pull to lean into his body is almost magnetic. "You don't mind me inviting everyone up, do you?" he asks, suddenly realizing she may have an objection.
"Not at all," she replies. And she doesn't. This weekend, which feels like just a carved out moment of time, has lowered her shoulders about three inches. She thinks about how things could be like this all the time, if the two of them could just talk, could just navigate their stuff, and the fear of it makes her jolt in her seat.
"You cold?" Elliot drops his arm down onto her shoulder and pulls her closer in. His warmth surrounds her, and part of her is tempted to just relax into him and uncoil, but she remembers they're not there (yet, her brain helpfully betrays her), so she just pulls her windbreaker around her and thanks him.
Olivia looks at Phoebe and Fin, cuddled into each other in the bench seat in front of them, and lets herself wonder if she could have that. Could the man beside her, the one who'd always been beside her for everything else (until he wasn't) give her that lasting sense of peace, of security, she was always seeking? She turns her head to look at Elliot but he's beat her to it. He's gazing at her intensely, his blue eyes cataloging every inch of her face, and it takes her breath from her.
"What is it?" she manages to ask. "Are you okay?"
He leans into her, his lips just a brush away from her cheek, his tone a kiss as the air from his breath touches the shell of her neck. "You're just… beautiful."
She exhales shakily as the van pulls into the hotel and the party begins to extract themselves.
~oOo~
"Bye, Mom!" Olivia waves at her screen just before Noah ends the FaceTime call, the girls jumping up and down goofily behind him.
"See? They're having a blast," Amanda says, and Olivia flops on the bed. "This is so swank. Maybe Carisi and I should have had 'problems' with our room," she teases, and Olivia laughs.
"No take-backs now," Olivia says. "I'd cut you over the tub alone."
"Yeah. That tub," Amanda says, her eyebrows raising. "I could imagine you could find some good uses for it. Maybe with a friend."
Olivia tosses a pillow at her. "Cut it out." Amanda laughs. "Come on. I don't like leaving Phoebe to those men's devices too long. It'll corrupt her."
The two move back out to the living space where six flight boards are set up on the round kitchen table in front of each seat. Phoebe is up in the kitchen area slicing cheese and placing fruit from the provided basket on a plate. She brings it back to the table.
"Kids okay?" Carisi asks.
Amanda nods. "They're having the time of their lives."
"I don't think Noah's going to want to come home," Olivia confirms. She looks up when she hears Elliot laughing, trying not to spill wine from the bottle from which he's pouring as he hands over a tasting glass. He and Fin have created quite the system, Elliot filling each of the glasses while Fin carefully places them in the right order on each board.
The two finish up and Elliot licks spilled wine from his fingers. "We ready to do this?" he asks. He turns to Carisi and Rollins. "No pressure. It's only the wine you'll remember drinking at the wedding for the rest of your life."
Amanda reaches across the table and swats his arm. "Thanks, Stabler," she says. "That's helpful. As if I wasn't going crazy over floral decisions already." He laughs as he finishes pouring and takes a seat next to Olivia, then turns to Carisi.
"Your show, Sonny."
"Okay," the former ADA says. "Let's get this figured out."
Four rounds later, the group has decided that the Riesling from Mazza Chautauqua Cellars has the winning vote, and Fin has moved the group into the inevitable competition portion of the evening. "Bet time. Let's see how much we all know about our partners," he says.
"Ooooh ho," Amanda hoots. "Which one?" Fin laughs.
"You can stick with the lawyer for this round," he says. "Not that I couldn't smoke him when it comes to you."
"Oh, I doubt that," Sonny chimes in. "You'd better not know about that freckle on her…"
"TMI, Carisi," Liv interrupts, laughing. "I gotta be the boss again after this weekend." They all laugh, and Olivia snags a piece of cheese from the board. Elliot snatches it from her fingers, and she glares at him as she grabs herself another one. "What're the stakes?"
"Winners get another free weekend here on the losers," Fin suggests. "Phoebe and I are gonna request y'all put us up here again next summer, if you're wondering."
"When Carisi and I win," Amanda throws in, "you have to watch the kids for the weekend, too."
"Deal," Fin says. "Stabler? Liv? Y'all in?"
Elliot glances at Olivia with a slightly panicked face, but Olivia is enjoying the vibe and doesn't want things to be awkward. "When El and I win, I want this suite again," she says. "And the babysitting." She looks over at Elliot, hoping he'll read her intent.
"And another free wine tour," he adds, grinning. He reaches over to Olivia and squeezes her hand, letting him know he's in.
"Thought you were only a communion wine guy, Mr. I Prefer Whiskey?" Carisi chuckles.
Elliot lets go of Olivia's hand but doesn't look away from her. "Sometimes you have to change the familiar to make room for something new." Olivia blushes but holds her ground, not turning her head.
"Mmmmm hmmm," Phoebe says, and Fin laughs.
"Y'all stalling. Let's do this. Questions around the table, one at a time. Everyone answers. Gotta tell the truth. Liv'll know if you're lying anyway. Probably."
"Hey, why am I the one who always knows everything?" Olivia is still buzzed from the wine and the increasingly long stares Elliot has been giving her, but she's having fun and goes with the flow.
"You just are. You ask first." Fin holds his hands out to her palms up, offering her the floor.
"Okay. What is your partner's favorite style of music?"
~oOo~
It's after midnight when everyone agrees the game is a draw, but Olivia feels like she's won anyway. She spends a lot of time, she realizes, thinking about how far the divide is between her and Elliot from those years apart from each other, but she forgets how well he knows her at a base level. The game had been one reminder after another, and while she expected him to stumble, he surprised her by not only remembering so many things about her but also by somehow knowing areas where she had changed.
Elliot's washing out the wine flight glasses in the kitchen sink when she wanders in, pondering at how relaxed he seems, how at home and domestic the moment feels. She relaxes into the moment, but she decides to break the silence. "Are you okay at home?" she asks. "Without Bernie and Eli there?"
He pauses for a second, drying the glass he's holding before answering. "It was tough at first," he admits. "I haven't lived alone in a very long time. Didn't even have to when I was in the service – we were never alone when we were deployed." He takes another glass from the dish soap and begins to rinse. "But I'm okay."
"I have to admit, El. I was slightly upset to find out from Amanda that Eli was gone. Surprised you felt you couldn't share it with me." She's doing her best to keep her voice even, but there's a slight shake in it when she talks. Of all of the Stabler children, the one she regrets most losing contact with is Eli, the child she helped bring into the world and the one who knows her the least.
"It's not that I felt like I couldn't share it. I just… wasn't sure you wanted me around. After that fiasco with Sirenko." Having lost his train of thought, he rinses the glass he's holding a lot longer than he has to. "Figured you wanted my head straight before you'd want to see me."
Her heart tears some, realizing Elliot has once again let his worst demons command the narrative for what she wants and needs. "Elliot," she says. "Even when you drive me crazy, and you do drive me crazy, I don't ever want you to leave. Not again. Please believe that."
He nods, and Olivia decides she should probably lighten the mood. And besides, there are some things she wants to know. "Before, in the game?" He looks up from the dishes. "How'd you know how I like my coffee now?" It's not the question he's expecting, and he looks surprised, albeit amused.
"Not sure I should tell you," he replies. "It may sound kind of creepy." She raises an eyebrow, and he laughs. "I asked Fin. Before Sirenko," he says, "I'd been wanting to start bringing you some coffee – something better than that swill in the squadroom – and I wanted to know how you take it." He finishes the glasses and dries his hands on the dish towel.
She's delighted he's given her an opening into a lighter pathway, and her grin more than gives her away. "Stalking me, partner? You know, I could take you. I know self-defense." Olivia snatches the towel away from him and quickly rolls it, ready to pop him with it.
"Oh no, you don't." Elliot reaches out for the towel and she laughs, moving to get away. He pulls her in with the towel's end and she slams into him, hands splayed on his chest. The towel drops to the floor, forgotten. She's breathless from the body contact, and Elliot doesn't help matters when he wraps his arms around her and pulls her in tighter. "Feel like you gotta protect yourself from me, Olivia?" His voice is low, barely audible, and his eyes are on her lips.
"Often," she mumbles. She can't take her eyes off his mouth, either.
"I don't want to hurt you." He lowers his mouth to a whisper away from her lips, so close she can almost feel his stubble brushing her face. "Never wanna hurt you." She feels him surrounding her, his presence enveloping her, and it's more than she can deny herself.
"I just need to… just once…" Her nerves are standing on every end, and she won't feel any peace unless she does this. Slowly, she closes the gap between them and breathes him in.
Kissing Elliot is every instinct of hers being proven true. It's fire. It's a settled permanence, an unlocking of all of the pieces of her so they can slide across and fit seamlessly with his. It's coming home, and it scares the hell out of her.
She tries to pull back but he chases her mouth, pulling her tighter in and sliding his tongue alongside hers. She moans, caught up in the heat of what's building between them. He moves them to the couch, sitting down and pulling her down onto his lap. She can feel him hard below her, and it turns her on even more. She moves slightly against him, seeking some friction as she kisses him again and again. His hands wander up the back of her shirt, his thumbs brushing her sides but keeping a distance from her breasts.
They lose themselves in each other for a long stretch in the hush of the night until he slows their kisses, bringing their foreheads together as he murmurs softly to her. "I want you, Olivia. God knows I want you. But we can't go any further tonight, okay? Not when we've been drinking." She nods, unable to trust her voice. "Not going to mess up this part. Means too much to me." He maneuvers her next to him on the couch and she leans across him, her body facing in towards him.
She kisses him again, a brief, gentle touch. "We're on the same page. We still have a lot to talk about." She's trembling, and he pulls her against him, cuddling her into him and completely surrounding her with his arms.
"I agree with you," he says. "But we're trying this, right? Please tell me we're gonna try this." He rubs her shoulders, then moves his mouth to her neck, gently nipping along it and then soothing it with his tongue. He makes his way up to her ear. "I don't want anyone else, Olivia. It's you and me. Partners for life."
"We're trying this," she confirms. She kisses him again, then stands up, pulling him to his feet with her hands in his. "But right now, I'm going to bed." His grin lights the room. "Alone. Before we do something we shouldn't… for now." He places his hands over his heart, pretending she's stabbed him through it, and she laughs at his dramatics.
Elliot reaches over to her and touches her chin, tilting her face up towards his. "Sweet dreams, partner." He leans down, kisses her thoroughly, and then turns to go to his own room.
Olivia floats into her space and closes the door, bringing her hands to her heart. She doesn't know how she's possibly going to sleep tonight.
~oOo~
Olivia stretches out her legs, inhaling the scent of the bath oils she's luxuriating in while the candles in the room flicker softly. She's in the clawfoot tub, the water scalding hot and soothing on her legs, which are tired from walking the grounds of the resort.
She smiles when she feels Elliot's lips on her neck behind her. He kisses his way up, then says, "You're going to be late meeting the other bridesmaids if we don't hurry this along."
"Mmmm." She leans further into him, pressing her back against him as he wraps his hands around her stomach. "Don't wanna leave this tub."
"We have the place all weekend," he says. "We can come back tonight and…"
"And let Noah hear way more than he should at age 10?" Elliot laughs.
They both come up with the solution at the same time. "Sleepover with Uncle Fin," they say simultaneously, a cash-in for yet another bet Fin found himself on the wrong side of.
"He really thought we were going to hookup that first weekend up here, didn't he?" Elliot says. Amanda had told her just several weeks ago about the side bet Carisi and Fin had going during that first trip, and Carisi's Catholic guilt was enough that Amanda suggested he pass the babysitting part on to Olivia to assuage his guilt. Tomorrow evening seemed like as good a time as any to cash in, and it would give them an extra night to take some time for one another, a rarity since they first consummated their relationship at the start of the new year.
"He almost wasn't wrong," Olivia mused, remembering how many times that sleepless night she had started to get up and cross over to Elliot's room before willing herself to give them the time to do things the way they needed to. It had taken them several months to untangle all the discussions, all the hurts, all the misunderstandings and traumas of a decade spent apart, but when Elliot kissed Olivia at the stroke of midnight after having spent New Year's Eve dancing in formal wear under sparkling lights, they were both ready to welcome the next step between them.
Olivia stops Elliot's hands, which are wandering lower and lower on her body, and says, "We really do need to go get ready. I can't be the reason Amanda is late for her own wedding."
"Spoilsport," Elliot says, but he gives her a hand standing up from the tub and follows behind her, passing her a big, fluffy terry cloth robe to wrap around her. He turns her towards him, pulling her in closely, and kisses her soundly. "I love you, you know."
She does. She knows it as sure as the vineyards of Chautauqua will sprout soon with new growth, as sure as her son's eyes will always brighten her soul, as sure as her passion for the man before her will never waver.
"Love you, too, partner."
Note: The author of this SVU: Fall in Love story will be revealed in November